Falling into Destiny | By : Demonic_Host Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 11026 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with the Harry Potter franchise, nor do I make any money from this piece of work. |
Falling into Destiny
Chapter Fifteen
The wind blew through the open archways, bringing with it the scent of spring and life. There were fruits laid upon a table in a room not too far away along with the perfumes, or incense you weren't entirely sure which. You carefully walked around the room and the shallow man-made pool of water in the center of the room. Floating on top of the pool were large flowers that you couldn't quite name and on the bottom specks of gold and silver reflecting the natural sunlight that came in much like the breeze.
You felt a bit dizzy as you moved through the room. Everything about this temple to the senses went straight to your head just as it always had. Your hands brushed up against cool and warm stone alike as you made your way through the rooms. It wasn't an aimless walk as you knew your goal but at the same time you weren't in a rush. After all, even if you were you would never be able to find what you who you were looking for until they decided it was time. That's just how it was with your father. Thankfully he didn't keep you waiting long. You saw his shadow before you saw him, not long after his voice followed.
"You don't look like a frightening beast to me."
There was some levity in his voice that you knew was probably well deserved. For years you had feared what you'd become the moment you had intercoarse. You had made your fears known to him as well, especially considering the fact that he was the one who kept trying to prompt you to take a lover. You might not have said them directly as you had no desire to offend your sire but there were other ways which you'd communicated your fears, other ways he'd gleamed such information.
"Apparently people think I've been one for years…"
Your father didn't move any closer as he stood with that justified expression of his. He crossed his arms as well as his ankles, leaning more on one foot than the other as he propped himself up with the marble column. "What does it matter what other people think if you know the truth?"
"I have to live with them," you responded as you clenched your fists. "Narcissa thinks…"
See, it should have been a simple thing to say aloud. You should have had no issue saying that she thought you'd slept with Draco previously, not just when you'd lost control a few days ago. The man before you didn't exactly know the concept of personal boundaries or taboo topics. At least not when it came to things. Yet at the same time this was your father you were talking to. The whole notion about talking to him about your sex life still felt strange, wrong in a way. Which was ironic considering the fact that it should have been the easiest topic of all to talk to him about and you knew that. It was just that the gut feeling of nervousness and a sort of shame kept you from delving straight into it.
"I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be this anymore. I don't want to fed," you hated that word but it felt appropriate at the moment.
"You can't just stop," he said softly with what appeared to be concern.
"I know that," there was a definite hint of frustration in your voice.
He stayed silent as your eyes searched his face.
"Why am I like this? Why did you make me?" The questions you posed him were almost rhetorical, almost.
He took a few steps forward and before you knew it he had taken you into a hug. He was warm and strong, a feeling of strength and protection that you rarely ever got to experience. Your fists balled up against his chest as you tried to get control of yourself. There was something about this place, something about the dream scape, that always made you feel so emotional. It was as though whatever restraints you might have had in the waking world was gone and this world left you naked for the world to see. It brought out all of the feelings that one normally squished down and let them flourish without a second thought. For you that meant all the doubt and self-hatred that churned inside now burned with a fury.
"People no longer actively hunt our kind down and you were born into a prominent family so you have all the luxury you could want. It's not a bad life, little one, if you just let yourself live it."
The words spilled from you like acid. "I don't want to. I don't want to want so much, to be so hungry all the time. I don't want to want children."
That seemed to confuse him. Your father slowly put some distance between you and him as he stared down at you with a questioning expression. You avoided his searching eyes as much as you could despite hoping that he'd understand and find a solution for you.
"If you want them...they aren't children," he tried to assure you. "There are certain markers in their energy and body that change as they mature; we are only attracted to them once they've aged passed a certain degree which varies from person to person. Unlike humans, you and I can't actually lust over children."
"They're fifteen years old. Fifteen. That's like…"
"Not too long ago, fifteen year olds had children of their own," he reminded you with probably more of a gentle tone than you deserved.
"Muggles maybe," you said with a bit of contemption in your tone as though that was perfectly natural.
"Stop being a bigot."
Well, there went the kindness. His words seemed hollow; not exactly harsh but they had been a sort of reprimand. One that you flinched a little at.
"I didn't mean to do it," you admitted. "I lost control. I wasn't supposed to…"
"It is not uncommon for people to feel as though they've been violated after the fact because they feel pressured from society to feel so. I assure you...you didn't harm him and that it felt very pleasurable for him."
"That's still rape," immediately after you said that you squirmed slightly and backed away from him so that he was no longer holding your shoulders.
Your father shrugged. "Did he say no?"
"He never said yes."
"There will always be a gray area with us if you really think about it. He will naturally have enjoyed it, naturally have wanted it even if he might deny such because that's part of what you are. It's not like another human where one person subjects the desire of other for dubious consent. Being in our presence helps to bring the desires out of a person, helps them manifest until any sort of shame they might feel is no longer strong enough to repress their natural lust. Being with us is more gratifying because it brings a freedom that most societies have repressed. But if it pleases you try to make amends then by all means do it."
That had to be the most you've ever heard him say, ever. Normally he spoke in small quips or maybe just two sentences at a time. It felt like right now he was kind of giving you a lecture on morality. If it wasn't for the fact that your insides felt like they were twisting, turning, and burning up inside of you then you might have been amazed.
"It's not that simple."
He reached out and grasped your chin, making sure to meet your eyes. "Was he still enthralled?"
Your brows furrowed together and then you remembered that you had never actually stated who you had slept with. You had just kind of silently assumed that he'd somehow know who you were talking about. As though the whole world knew what had happened with your personal life. The fact that he might mistake this conversation to be about Blaise instead of Draco hadn't crossed your mind until it was thrown at you.
"It wasn't Blaise, it was Draco."
"Your husband?"
"Yes."
His laugh was more like a depreciating chuckle. He stared at you with the highest amount of mirth that could be had in this kind of situation. Even if you were in a self deprecating mood that made you feel a little raw and agitated.
"Oh, is that all?" he asked with a smile. "Here I thought you had some moral issues with sleeping with the boy you enthralled. You really ensnared him, it's amazing how long your thrall has lasted."
"Wait...you've been checking on me?"
"Of course," was his answer, sounding as natural as possible. He didn't even blink an eye. "It's how I know that you're fears are unfounded."
"Excuse me?" You bristled.
"If anything you did him a favor; he waited years for your consent, for you to make the first move."
You didn't know what to say to that. It was like a swirl of emotion had started to fight for dominance inside of you. You were still disgusted at yourself and at your lack of control. You were angry at him for nettling you. And you were surprised and a bit embarrassed at what your father had just said. You had never known him to lie - not to you.
"Trust me, he'll seek a repeat soon and that should ease your fear of consent."
That only added another layer of guilt. You realized that he had, in a way, tried to do just that. Of course, he'd been a bit of a brat about it which you helped to use to put distance back between you and him. You had claimed that he assaulted you, that you hadn't wanted to be touched. You had twisted it back on him and it wasn't the first time that you felt guilty for that. But you didn't want to lose yourself to your hunger, you didn't want to give in to temptation. If you downplayed the significance of gathering energy from a person by way of sex then you might have gotten used to it and you didn't want that to happen. Not to mention what it would do to another person. It wasn't that long ago that you'd found out repeated gathering from the same person would put them under your thrall - like it had with Blaise. If you hadn't pushed Draco away, if you had sex with him multiple times, then that was like making him a slave and you didn't want to do that either.
"He's fifteen," you said.
"You and that paper shield of yours," he said as he took a step back, letting out a deep sigh. "Have I told you that you worry too much?"
"You don't worry enough. He's fifteen! He can't even do magic outside of school...and I slept with him."
Not to mention he thought that you had slept with at least one other person before that, if not more. Which meant that like his mother he really didn't have the best opinion of you either. Did he think you'd been having sex for years or something? Your father might have encouraged you to do that but at least he believed you when you said you hadn't.
"What's your point?"
"It's wrong," you tried to get across to him. "It's wrong on so many different levels that I can't begin to describe and it's only getting worse. Do you know what the Dark Lord asked me to do? He wants me to seduce Harry Potter."
"Let me guess, he's another fifteen year old."
"Yes. And if I do that, that's definitely against his will. The worst thing is that he'll get enthralled and then feel like it was his idea, I just...I can't. I don't want to...to do that to anyone again."
Watching Blaise go through it was hard enough. The guilt that came with grabbing a few strands of energy here and there was only negated by the fact that you had been able to find ways to say no so far. That wasn't something you'd been able to do with Draco. You'd bypassed the whole cuddling and making out and went straight to the public exhibition and orgy stage with him. Which was probably why you felt as bad as you did over all of it.
"Calm down little one, calm down."
It was easier said than done.
"Deal with what you can. I will look for an answer to help you with trying to negate enthrallment if that will ease you conscious. But remember this - you don't force onto them anything that they don't want in the untamed corner of their true selves."
Sadly those words weren't as reassuring as he probably meant them to be.
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