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Lost and Found	By : MistressLupin Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3616 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Disclaimer:Do not own characters--except Yuki:)
Reviews are welcome and appreciated.
A/N: This is, yet again, another short one. But it has some points in it you will need to know. Sorry about the ending.....*smiles and bats eyes*
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"What is it you want to tell me?" Yuki asked, pretending the serious tone in Severus' voice was of her imagination.
Severus sat up, bringing Yuki with him and letting her rest in his lap. He avoided looking at her as she brushed the hair from his eyes, but couldn't stop himself from shivering when her fingers grazed his face.
"Do you remember the memory of me?" Severus began, not really wanting to continue. "The one where I said I was initiated into the Dark Lords circle?"
Yuki nodded her head. Her hands were rested over Severus' in their laps and her eyes looked down curiously.
"The woman, whom I had to...kill." His voice was very shallow and he spoke slowly, carefully, "She wasn't just any women. She was also my lover."
Yuki looked up at Severus as he was now looking back at her. "What?" She asked calmly, which was not the reaction Severus imagined her to have.
"Her name was Morgan. We met just after I graduated Hogwarts. I detested her at first, she was after all mixed blood, but we were working together so closely that even through my coldness and harsh exterior, Morgan managed to befriend me." Severus was no longer looking at Yuki but down at the floor beside the bed, as if he could see the memories rehashing in the grains of wood.
"One thing led to another and somehow we became more then just colleagues, more then just friends. I had told her that we couldn't be together, that it might not be safe for her. She never asked for specifics but I'm sure she knew what I meant. The Dark Lord was gathering an army at the time.
Yuki took Severus' hand and ran her thumb over his cold skin in a small gesture of comfort. "But she didn't seem to mind. We kept the relationship a secret as best we could. But it became too much for her, for us. I was gone most the time with deatheater training. I never talked about it but Morgan, being so intelligent, knew what I was doing. She finally got so angry and asked how I could involve myself with someone like him. She said I was foolish for following him, that I was better then that and if I continued to follow him, I would never amount to anything because the Dark Lord's army would fall. When I told her I couldn't quit, she told me she couldn't see me anymore, and walked out. I didn't want her to leave but I was angry with her. Angry with how she couldn't understand that I needed to do something. I finally had a purpose, I was finally someone to be respected, fighting for something."
Severus let out a small sigh, "I didn't know that he had knownn of our relationship. It wasn't long after that my initiation came. I knew what they would make me do, I just didn't know they'd make me do it to her. I saw her there, before me, and knew that The Dark Lord had planned this all along. I was angry at him, for making me do it, angry with Morgan, for not listening when I told her it was dangerous, and angry with myself because I knew I would still do it. Blocking out every feeling I had ever felt, I cast the spell and let her die quickly. I'll never forget that day," Severus ended. He was still looking at the floor, a sullen yet blank look in his dark eyes.
Yuki released his hand and put her own on his cheek, turning his head to look at her. "Hey, you're not that person anymore, Severus," she told him, "You're a good person trying to make right."
"It doesn't change what I've done," he snapped.
"No, it doesn't," Yuki said, trying to match his tone in her little voice, "but you can't change what you've done. It's your past Severus, all you can do is try to make a better future. You've learned from what you've done. You're such a good person Severus," Yuki cooed as she put both her arms over his shoulders.
"Am I?" Severus questioned.
"Yes, look what you've done for me."
Severus looked deep into Yuki's penetrating eyes, thinking of how he's done nothing for her but of how much she had done for him.
"Yuki, you don't understand."
"What? What don't I understand? Tell me," Yuki pleaded.
"That, having any sort of connection with me, puts you in danger," Severus hissed.
"Severus you don't have to worry," Yuki chuckled.
But Severus was not amused. He took her hips and lifted her off of him, setting her on the bed as he rose and began getting his clothes together.
"Severus, look, I know what you've done in your past and I don't care," Yuki told him.
"You know nothing Yuki," Severus exclaimed," You don't even know your own past."
Stung by his harshness Yuki began covering herself with the sheets. "I know you're worried Severus but I'll be ok. The order can-"
"Everyday, I have to wonder if it will be the day I meet my end Yuki, can you assure me that it will not be?"
"No."
"No you can't, and being with me will only prove for you the same demise." Severus sat on the end of the bed and began to lace of his shoes, his back to Yuki.
"But-"
"I don't know how to make you understand Yuki, I can't put anyone in anymore danger. I won't do that again." He stood up and grabbed his coat from the floor.
"Severus please-"
"Please what?" he snapped around, buttoning up his robe.
"Please don't leave me," Yuki whispered.
Severus stopped and looked at her. Yuki's eyes were glazed and threating to rain. Her hand which was holding up the sheet around her was slightly shaking. Severus hated doing this to her.
"You can't stay with me," he said softly, and turned to reach for the door knob.
"I don't have anywhere else to go," Yuki whispered.
Severus paused but didn't look back. He threw open the door and disappeared out of it, letting it slam behind him. Once he was out of sight Yuki allowed herself to give into her feelings and cry. She couldn't understand what had happened. She gave herself to him and he just left her, saying that they couldn't be together. Why was he doing that? Giving into his feelings and then saying it was a mistake. Yuki wasn't sure how much more she could take. She wasn't sure what she would do now that he left her, again.
Sobbing into the sheet Yuki lye back down and held onto the satin pillow. She could still smell him there.
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To Amber: Love? Maybe. She at least cares a lot about him. Not really knowing everything about him and yet still she has a good perspection of who he is.
To June: She doesn't mind about what he's done, but she didn't know that it bothered him so much. Yuki cares for Severus but is completely unsure of his feelings for her now. Poor girl.
To Leonora: Thanks for the awesome compliment:) She was understanding about his past, but he knows she still doesn't quite grasp the reality of it all. Or maybe he just over reacts.lol.
Thanks for reading. Review if you will. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up soon.^.^

~Lara
- 15
- 16
- 17
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