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Life as I know it	By : BlindedHP Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 75983 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Title: Life as I know it
Summary: This fic is BDSM. Harry is not the boy that everyone expects him to be when he first enters Hogwarts. This fic is Snarry slash with Snape as Harry's Dom.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related. This magical world belongs to JK Rowling and various publishers. No profit is being made from this.
Warnings: BDSM, dom/sub, non-con, dub-con, sexual situations, master/slave, chan, violence and some more that I can't think of right now.
Thank you BAFan for pointing out the mistakes in the previous chapter, I have corrected them.
Chapter 16 (Posted on 13 March 2015): Understanding
Severus could have sworn he heard something, but as he fished around for his wand, in order to clean himself up, he looked around the room and at the door but found nothing out of the ordinary.
Shaking it off as his paranoid brain raising his hackles, Severus stood and made his way to the living room and then to Harry's door. It had been quiet in the rest of the quarters for a while now, and Severus thought that maybe Harry had gone to sleep.
Opening the door to Harry's room he peeked in and could see the still form on the bed, closing the door once again, Severus retired to his rooms to get his own bit of shut-eye.

Harry kept as still and silent as possible as he heard his door open. He just hoped and prayed that his Master would not come any closer than a few steps, for then he would see the tear tracks imprinted on Harry's cheeks.
The anguish he felt at the knowledge that his Master wanted him, wanted him but found him too disgusting or something to act on it, hurt more than any words could say.
Why then did Draco touch him? Why could Draco look past whatever it was that repulsed his Master so, and touch Harry at the same time that Harry touched him? What was it that his Master saw in him that Draco didn't? Was it the knowledge of his past? Was it that Master Severus knew how much of a freak he was and didn't want to taint his own hands like that?
It just didn't make sense to him. Master Severus hugged Harry almost every day, he placed loving, gentle kisses on his forehead and even tells Harry that he loves him, yet he did not want to touch Harry in any intimate way. Why?
The only explanation Harry could come up with was that his whole life had been a lie. That Master Severus had been lying to him for years now and that he really was, and always will be, a freak of nature.
Harry hugged the pillow closer to him but as he thought of what Master Severus had said and done over the years, and his own new conclusion, he realized that he did not deserve any kind of comfort or kindness.
Letting the pillow go and scampering off the bed, Harry curled up in the corner he had slept in his very first night there. Closing his eyes but not bothering to exert the effort to stop his tears, he fell asleep with silvery tracks down his cheeks.

The moment Harry exited his bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, Severus could tell that something was wrong, horribly wrong.
The boy was wearing some of the oldest clothes he possessed and his whole posture just screamed "Help me!". When Harry emerged from the kitchen with a plate of toast, rashers and eggs for Severus but nothing for himself, Severus knew that something had obviously happened that had caused the boy to revert to old behavior.
"Harry, you've been living here for six years now, you know to make your own breakfast, you are not to neglect yourself in any way, is that clear?"
"Yes Master. Thank you Master."
Severus watched with growing concern and frustration as Harry stood with head bowed and came back five minutes later with yesterday's leftovers.
"Just what do you think you are doing?"
Harry looked up at Severus with dulled eyes and quickly apologized for tainting perfectly good food with his mere presence.
Severus was up in an instant and he caught Harry around the waist as the boy made to leave for the kitchen.
"What is wrong Harry? You know that you're supposed to make healthy, edible food for yourself, not leftovers or food that has gone bad. Most importantly however, is that you will never -taint- anything Harry. You are not a disease or something; you are not a freak or a monster. You are Harry, a wonderful boy who has made his Master more proud than he, I could ever say."
"This boy is bad Master. This boy is tainted and does not deserve anything."
There was nothing Severus could think of that could snap Harry out of whatever funk he'd found himself in, so he just pulled the boy close to him and held him tight while murmuring soothing, loving words and repeating over and over again that Harry was not a freak, that he was loved and cared for.
Harry tensed at first but as Severus continued his ministrations, the boy relaxed a bit and laid his head on Severus's chest.
"You are not a freak or disgusting in any way, shape or form. You are my Harry and I love you, every part of you."

The soothing touch of his Master and the whispered words calmed Harry somewhat and he could almost believe the words spoken to him. Almost.
Extracting himself from his Master's embrace, Harry thanked his Master and excused himself to his bedroom, conveniently forgetting to eat anything. He wanted to punish himself for dirtying his Master's home and this was the only way he could think of.
Reading over some of the letters Draco had sent him for the tenth time already, Harry didn't notice his bedroom door open and was startled when a tray was placed in front of him, heaped with healthy food and drink.
"You did not think that I'd let you get off that easily did you? Eat Harry; I won't have you starving in my home."
Harry reluctantly let the letters go and pulled the tray towards him. Master Severus sat down next to him and Harry realized that his Master was going to stay there and make sure he ate each and every thing on the plate before leaving.
"I have wanted to talk to you for a while now Harry, continue eating and I will talk. You only have to listen."
"This will be your last year here at Hogwarts Harry, and we will have to start thinking of what you're going to do once you leave school. There is no need to look so worried, you are and always will be welcome to stay here. I will never turn you away Harry, no matter what it is you ask of me, I will listen and we will decide together what the best course of action is. You will remember that you always have the option to stay and submit to me completely, if that is what you wish. Even if that is not what you want, you are still more than welcome to stay; we can always work something out."
It almost sounded like his Master was reluctant to let Harry go; but that couldn't be, could it? No, Harry knew now that his Master was repulsed by him and would never touch him in any intimate way so it must be his imagination. Why was the prospect of his Master never touching him in the way only Draco had, softly, gently and with care hurting so much? Why did he so badly crave that touch from his Master?
No answer was forthcoming and Harry focused back on what his Master was saying.
"You still need to talk to Draco Harry and I encourage you to explain the situation to him to the best of your abilities. If, for any reason, he turns away from you, then he is clearly not the boy, man, I thought he is but I doubt that will happen. Don't just let it go Harry, as breaking up with him without any explanation would hurt him terribly and going on as you have will hurt the both of you even more. He will understand, I am sure of it; just give him a chance."
Harry nodded; it made sense, in a weird sort of way.
"Good. Now sleep, we will work on some potions for the infirmary tomorrow."
As Master Severus took the tray from Harry's lap, Harry realized that he had eaten every last bit of food on the plate. Apparently he had been hungrier than he'd realized. It was early still, but after sleeping on the floor for the first time in years, Harry was aching and tired and he fell on the bed, dead to the world within minutes.

Things between him and his Master stayed a bit strained, as Harry still felt that there was something wrong with him if Master Severus would rather fantasize about Harry than touch him.
He once again believed that maybe he wasn't a freak of nature, that he wasn't a monster and a disgusting thing. Sometimes he still felt that it was because of his freakishness that his Master had not yet come to him for sexual favors, but after hours of soft and gentle words, he began to push any doubts he had away.
September the first came and went in the blink of an eye and before Harry knew it, Master Severus was giving him looks and pointedly looking toward Draco.
Sighing as he knew that this conversation would have to take place sometime, sooner rather than later, Harry quickly made his way through the throng of students and to Draco's side.
Tugging gently on the blonde boy's arm, Harry led him to what was fast becoming 'their' classroom.
"Oh, this looks serious Harry. What's up?"
"I have to talk to you about some things and I feel, the sooner, the better."
"I'm listening."
"We should sit; this is going to take a while."
As the two made themselves comfortable Harry turned to Draco and gave him a weak smile before he started.
"There are a lot of things that you don't know about me Draco, things that I'm not proud of and things that I would like to keep just between the two of us. Master Severus knows, but no one else. Do I have your word that you'll speak to no-one of this?"
"I promise you Harry, no one will hear any of what is said here and now from my lips, ever."
Harry nodded at the solemn promise and continued.
"I'm going to be blunt Draco so you'll have to forgive any forwardness. I like you, a lot, and you have taught me so much that I will never be able to express how much you have done for me, and have come to mean to me. You have never asked why I call Professor Snape 'Master', and I thank you for not delving deeper for information, but I think it is time to tell you some of the things I have kept hidden all these years."
Draco stopped fiddling with his robe and gave his full attention to Harry, sensing that this was a very serious matter indeed.
"I have been hurt during my life. Hurt in a way that I hope you will never be hurt. Master Severus has helped me over the years to realize that what I was taught from a young age is not right and is actually downright despicable. I still don't believe him completely, not really, but I know he has my best interests at heart and will never hurt me the way others have."
The confusion on the blonde's face made Harry realize that he was not explaining himself, or what he'd really wanted to tell Draco, clearly.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that if we decide to continue on with our relationship, you will have to know some of my past, and things that I need from a relationship."
"What kind of things?"
"This will sound weird and even crazy to you but it is just what I am and what I need. Because of things that happened when I was younger, before Hogwarts, I need to feel secure in the knowledge that someone will take care of me, help me and guide me to become the best person I can be. Master Severus has been that person for the past six years. He has cared for me, disciplined me when I needed it and even loved me, loved me for who I am. I can't and won't ask that of you Draco because it is something you have no knowledge of. I would put my whole life in your hands and depend on you, trust you, to take care of me and make sure that I grow to be the best I can be."
Draco looked closely at Harry before opening his mouth and asking a question.
"Are you saying that you want to give up complete control of your life, in essence, becoming a slave to someone?"
"No, yes, it's more complicated than that Draco. I won't just roll over and take whatever my Master doles out. I just want to feel secure in the knowledge that someone else has my life in their hands and is there to hold me up when things become too much, that there is someone who cares enough to make sure that I eat, drink, sleep and do whatever else I need to do, to be a healthy human being."
Harry stopped there as he just didn't know how to explain to Draco what it was that he needed. It was near impossible to explain to someone else that you wanted to submit to someone else, that you needed someone else to take control of your life and be there to help you, discipline you and care for you.
"I don't understand everything Harry and you're right in guessing that I can't be that someone for you. I won't know where to begin! I don't know how you can become, in essence, a slave to someone. Maybe I'll understand later but at the moment I just can't wrap my mind around what you're saying."
Harry smiled sadly at the blonde. He'd known that this was going to happen and the fact that he was not really very hurt by the blonde's refusal to try and work things out, puzzled him a bit.
"So you're okay if we don't continue with our relationship?"
"Yes Harry, I can understand that you need something more than what I can give you. Know that even though we won't be together anymore, you are still welcome to come to me and talk about anything you want to. We are still friends right?"
"Of course Draco! You're my best friend, I'm just glad that I didn't cause you to run off, screaming that house-elves would have new competition."
They both laughed a bit at that and the tension was broken. While neither of them was exactly happy with how things had turned out, they knew that the other needed time to work things out for themselves and respected that.

The school year went as expected. Classes were ten times harder than previous years, Professors piled work upon work on them and new relationships formed.
Harry was happy to see that Draco had found a steady boyfriend – Blaize Zabini in Slytherin – and that they both kept true to their word and made time to talk to each other, about anything and nothing at all. It felt to Harry that their friendship was even stronger than it had ever been now that Draco had a clearer understanding about Harry's life.
Dreams were plaguing Harry's sleep, but for once he didn't mind them, not really.
Strong hands caressed his skin while a long, lean body settled over him. Kisses were bestowed all over his chest and neck and Harry gasped and moaned under the sensations.
No matter how many times he'd had the dream, he could never see a clear profile of this mysterious lover but knew that he always felt safe with this person.
As Harry closed his eyes on Christmas Eve, his dreams were once again of his mystery lover and Harry writhed on the bed as the dream progressed.
Strong hands with long fingers caressed his skin all over. Hot breath ghosted over his nipples and Harry arched his back at the sensations. A long tongue lapped at the skin around his left nipple before a mouth closed over it and sucked hard. Gasping and trying to arch his back to get more of that mouth on him, Harry's hips were stilled by a strong hand, and a soft chuckle reached his ears.
One of those long fingers came to rest on his mouth to silence his pleas and Harry couldn't help but lick it. As the finger pressed into his mouth Harry sucked it in greedily, where he then proceeded to lap at it as much as possible.
A hard cock brushed against Harry's own aching erection and Harry tried his best to lift his hips and continue the friction created. The hands held him down however, and Harry gave a soft whine of need as the body left completely.
Another chuckle reached his ears but before Harry could do anything, a hand wrapped around his need at the same time that oil slicked fingers found his arse.
The fingers teased his entrance relentlessly and Harry was whining and begging by the time that lean hot body settled over his again. One hand found his wrists and brought his hands together, where it was held tight above his head. The other hand continued with its teasing at his entrance and when that hard cock began to rock against his, Harry lost all coherent thought.
His orgasm came upon him like a tidal wave and Harry could feel the body above him stiffen, and as his mystery lover found his own release, Harry heard his name whispered sensually against his ear.
Harry!
Harry woke with a gasp to find himself lying flushed on his bed with visible evidence of the dream he had. Something tugged at his mind though; he'd heard that voice whisper his name exactly like that before, where?

Severus slowly opened his eyes and reached for his wand. He knew that he would have to clean himself up after the dream he'd just had. The dreams had become more frequent the past month and Severus was slowly loosing any trace of sanity.
That Harry was right there, that he could take the boy, claim him as his, without anyone the wiser, as Harry would certainly not say anything, was something he had to fight with daily.
He would not do that to Harry. He would not take the boy, however willing he might appear to be, Severus knew that there were still too many scars to heal.
This last dream had felt more real, more like it was really Harry in the dream; that they were really touching each other and not some dream image.
It was the first time that Severus woke up from the dream, sated but not yet satisfied. It felt as if a huge part of him was missing.
Shaking himself from his thoughts Severus quickly got up and dressed before he left to make certain that Harry was awake.
He found the boy in the kitchen making breakfast. Greeting Harry with a cordial "Good morning", Severus had to stop himself from kissing those full lips and quickly left the boy to his doings.
The presents were stacked in two neat piles, one for each of them and Severus waited patiently for Harry to finish up.
He had two gifts he wanted to give to Harry, but was uncertain about how the one would be received.
They ate their breakfast quickly and silently, and as Harry took the dishes to wash them, Severus bent down and picked up the first present he wanted to give to Harry, his own gift.
"We can open our presents now and I want you to open this one first. I have another 'gift' which I want to give you but open this one first."
Harry did as he was asked and could not help but gasp as he opened the gift. It was a beautiful necklace with a serpent pendant made of white-gold and sterling silver.
As he picked it up he felt a tingling sensation from where his fingers touched the pendant spread throughout his whole body.
"There are various complex charms on it to repel most hexes and curses. It also has a locating charm on it, so if you ever get lost, I will be able to find you as long as you wear the pendant. It also has a locked-in invisibly spell on it, which will cause the pendant to turn invisible to all eyes whenever it is clasped shut, so make sure that if you ever take it off, that you don't close it completely or you will have difficulty finding it again, as it will repel all summoning charms."
Harry could only nod dumbly as he continued to look at his gift. He knew without a doubt that it was a very expensive gift, and that his Master had bought it for him, made him realize that any doubt he might have had about his Master's feelings and words toward him was unfounded. His Master would certainly not spend so much money on him if he truly was a freak, would he?
His hands were shaking too much to even hold the necklace steady, never mind clasping it around his neck.
"Come here Harry."
Harry wordlessly went and knelt in front of his Master. Sure fingers took hold of the chain and Harry felt the heavy weight of the pendant settle on his chest.
Tilting his head up, Harry was surprised to find that his Master was still bent over him, even though the necklace was clasped securely around his neck.
Instinct had Harry lift himself up a bit to place a soft chaste kiss on his Master's cheek.
"Thank you Master Severus. Thank you."
Master Severus gave him the tiniest of smiles before planting his own soft kiss on Harry's forehead. "You're very welcome Harry."
The rest of the presents were opened in companionable silence but Harry could not stop touching his necklace.
As the last gift was opened and stored away, Harry remembered that his Master had said he had two gifts for Harry this year.
Not really knowing why he was disappointed to find no other gifts, Harry silently cleaned the floor from any wrapping paper and small snippets.
As he stood to go and throw it all away, strong arms grabbed him around the waist and with a grunt Harry was seated on his Master's lap.
"I told you that I have another gift for you Harry."
"Yes Master."
"While it is no tangible gift I still wish to give you this option Harry."
Harry looked at his Master. "I'm listening Master."
"While I will certainly never ask you to stop addressing me as Master, as I know you need that 'closure', I wish to give you the option to also call me Severus. You are allowed to call me by my name, should you wish to, but only in private."
Harry stared at his Master with wide bright eyes.
Throwing his arms around the man's neck he hugged him for all he was worth.
"Thank you Master, thank you!"
It might seem like a small gesture but for Harry it symbolized the fact that his Master saw him as more than just another somebody. It showed Harry that his Master saw him as an equal with regards to human beings. While he would always be Harry's Master, he was also now a friend and companion.
Harry wasn't sure when or even if he'd ever use his Master's name alone, but the gesture itself meant the world to him.
End Chapter 16
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Life as I know it