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Angel Of Mercy	By : AttentionDeficit Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 10159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
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Spinal Cord Collapsible
Spinal Cord – A part of the central nervous system that carries information from the body, upwards to the brain, such as touch, skin temperature, pain and joint position and carries information from the brain downwards to initiate movement and control body functions.
Collapsible - To break down suddenly in strength or health and thereby cease to function.
You've been warned.
Freedom… is a long ways away.
When you have come as far as I… you still have a long way to go.
No bright light is visible at the end of my metaphoric tunnel. Not yet anyway, there is too much distance to cover before their ever will be. Of course, if I turn around, look at the opposite direction, it is filled with bright lights. Sweet lights, warming and gentle, with a scent and taste sweeter than anything ever to lie on my tongue, like raspberry ice cream, vanilla, the ocean and grass. It sounds gross but together they call me, "Harry… Harry… You know you want this, this freedom, this absolution."
And I do.
I want it more than anything else, but I'm going to stay strong. I'm going to keep going towards the eventual bright lights because I know what is truly calling towards me at the opposite end; a monster, an addiction of the most horrible kind. Magical Meth, the wizarding world's worst enemy, waits for me and calls for me at the opposite end of my tunnel. It was the drug of choice right after the war, and it was my drug of choice for years. Now though, I'm getting over it.
Good for me, right? Congratulations and all that crap. You're like millions of other people who have gotten over an addiction. And you could be like the millions of people who will go back to the addiction once life gets tough again.
Hey, I might be getting over my addiction but I'm still a cynical person. I know that the stocks are against me, though I do have a small amount of hope that I may be able to get away from this monster alive though, maybe.
Maybe I will, maybe I won't. My life is filled with maybes. Maybe I'll survive, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be charged for all the blood on my hands, maybe I won't. Maybe they'll forgive me, maybe they won't. Maybe I'll fall in love, maybe I won't. Maybe there was never any hope for me, maybe there is. Maybe I'm destined to die alone… again.
Most days I just want to die but certain people won't let me even try. I have this need to save people from any type of pain, since so much has been inflected on me. Therefore, killing myself would cause them pain, which I don't want. It took my twenty-seven years to admit I have a saving people thing.
But I spent three years with a killing people thing. I wiped out Death Eaters who were not sorry for what they had done. In the mean time though, my magical power was shrouding me and I lost control of it when my emotions got in the way, in other words, when a Death Eater got away. I've wiped out entire villages of people all in the quest for the blood of a few men.
My therapist, Dr. Sykes is trying to help me to lose some of the rage I hold. He tries to get me to work through the anger and see a good side to life. Of course, this also includes stopping me from destroying his office when I can't control my magic or emotions. The good things in life though are fleeting when you have been in a psychiatric hospital for the past three years. Luckily though, I've met a man here who used to be an enemy but has become a friend and a lover. Don't read that wrong, he isn't a fuck buddy. Hell, we haven't even had sex yet. I need someone in my life to be more than someone like that, I need a true friend, someone to trust and tell my secrets too. I need more than just sex. I've had too many relationships like that.
Not only that, but if a relationship is not about sex than, for me, it's based on lies. The best relationship I've ever had was based on lies. Lies from him and lies from me. He lied about not cheating on me, with a wide variety of people, and I lied about my magical ability and what I really did when I went on my long business trips. He was in it only for sex and a comfortable place to live. I was in it for a reason to live.
This time though it's not like that. I am not living for Draco. I am living for myself. Some days that isn't true, some days I am living for him, but those days are becoming fewer in number. Draco is helping me find the positive things in my life, not helping me to only survive, but to live. We are not each other's crutches in this place; we each have a hold on the end of a rope as we travel through our tunnels. This rope isn't tied around us; it's not frayed or knotted. It's one that feels to be firm, with lots of slack so that we may slide away from each other and come closer if we need too.
Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified at the very thought of being with him. He's been where I have, he can tell the signs of a relapse. He's seen an addiction to pain, and it looks similar to one of drugs. I can't just push him away without a reason. Even if I did have a reason, I fear he wouldn't leave. Dr. Sykes assured me that this is the type of person I need, one who knows what my worst is like, and how to give me exactly what I need; a man to do more than comfort me, but to mourn the loss of my addiction with me. A man who will help me through the times when I acquire magical meth. A man to sit there with me and be ready to do it too. A man that will know that this is what I need. A man that is walking through the common room doors right now.
"What's with the confused look?" He asks in his quiet voice, a voice that draws attention without demanding it.
"I was just thinking." I answer simply.
"About?" He pries. Another reason to love him, he will not let me fade away.
"You. Me. Us." I say, as my eyes scan the common room.
"Good things, I hope." He says as he sits down and captures my attention. Don't let me fade away.
"Of course, Draco, you are a good thing." I say with a smile. His cheeks give off a faint blush. "Will you ever accept a compliment?"
"You'll just have to stick around to find out." He says with a grin.
I sigh and lean my head on his shoulder. Its small words like this that have made me want to become a better person.
"Though about going somewhere…" Draco starts to say, his sultry voice filled with angst and discomfort.
"Yes?" I say, imagining the worst. This is where he tells me I'm just too screwed up to be his lover, or even his friend. This is where he says he needs someone normal, someone stable. This is the end.
"Hermione has given me the freedom to leave now. With a few rules of course, but I'm allowed to leave." He looks away from me, and I don't know what hurts more: the fact that he's leaving, or the fact that he's on better terms with Hermione than I am.
"Since when has it been Hermione?" I asked quietly, the hurt breaking through my voice. Damn hospital is making me go soft.
He looks me in the eye and smiles his perfect smile. "I like to call the people who save my life by their first name, even if I didn't like them prior to the fact."
I can't believe how tightly he has me wrapped around his finger. With a smile and a few well chosen words he has me wanting to get out of this place just to see him more often. I can't believe I have a school girl's crush. I'm twenty-eight years old and have fallen so madly in love with this git…this git, who's leaving.
"Is this the… is this the end… of us?" I ask with a blank face, a mask.
"Of course not, Harry." He whispers gently. But I don't believe him; I can't let myself believe him. I don't want to be let down again.
"Now stop doing that." Draco says with a sad smile playing at his lips. "When we were in school, I used to love how easily I could read you. Don't put on a mask, I love the emotions that scatter across your face."
"But, this is the end." I whisper, sounding way too weak. "You're all better, and I'm nowhere near it. You'll leave here and find someone normal, someone sane." I'm so bloody weak.
Draco holds my gaze and won't let it go. "I don't know what to say to that, Harry." He shatters the silence with a whisper. "Not because I plan on leaving you the first chance I get, but because I know you're not going to believe what I have to say. I could tell you that you are a bloody fool, and you somehow don't see what I see in you. I could tell you that I care too much and too deeply about you to just leave now. But I won't, instead I'll just show you."
I inched closer to him, thinking uncertainly that I may not be ready to have sex with him yet. But he just smiled and quickly kissed my lips.
"What I mean is, every spare second I have, I'll be coming to see you, and bring you whatever you would like, like raspberry ice cream. And, on the day of your release, I'll be standing here waiting to take you home." Draco said as a true smile lit up his face making him the most beautiful man alive.
I pressed my lips against his before the smile could fall, and wrapped my arms around him. He kissed back, gently demanding more. I break away and lead him over to the couch, so I could throw up the shield; you never know how far we might go.
Draco blinks a few times in disorientation. "If you have so much power that I can feel it when you cast it, why didn't you just use it to off yourself when you first arrived? I would have."
"I would have too," I say remorsefully. "I didn't know it when I first got here. I retreated into myself, and let everything pass by. That is until some asshole came along, and sat at my table and talked about dog food."
Draco cheeks acquired a faint pink. "Well, I'm glad you didn't die, or realize you could."
"Me too, it wasn't until a certain therapy session after a certain person made me promise to tell my story to someone, when I found out just how badly I could mess everything up with my magic." I say as I lay my face on his shoulder.
"Will you wait for me?" I whisper, almost inaudibly. "No matter how long it takes? Will you wait for me, even if it takes years?"
The second I have to wait sends sharp pains to my freshly melted heart. What will I do if he says no?
"Harry, even if I have to wait until we're fifty, I'll still show up. I want to know everything about you, good, bad, and horrible." Draco murmurs in my ear as he strokes my hair.
I launch myself back on to his lips, in relief. I have someone to show up, someone to care, someone that is mine.
My hands roam happily across his clothed chest. This feels like freedom.
His lips are supple and pink. They are so unlike mine, plump where mine are flat. It feels almost like kissing a pillow, with how perfect they are, how beautifully they mold around mine.
With a mental check on the shield I lift his shirt and let my hands roam across his nipples, making them peak in their pale pink glory. My hands roam lower to the scars the mar the perfect skin under my guilty hands…
The scars…
The scars… Pale lines, raised skin, constant reminders of my guilt. Guilty, your fault, Sectumsempra! Snape. 'I didn't know what the spell did, I didn't know…'
"…Harry?" His voice calls me from a distant place, a voice belonging to the body, the body I have harmed beyond repair. "Harry, are you alright? Harry?"
I shut down.
This is my fault. My entire fault, I'm guilty, so many dead, so many! I deserve to be in Azkaban. No, I deserve worse. I deserve death, a limbo where I'll pray for death, a death that won't come. I deserve to suffer for everything, anything. I am the reason the world fell to hell. I am the reason.
I AM!
I DID IT!
I KILLED YOU ALL!
I AM, I AM, I AM…
A white light, so bright, so pure, emanates from me, a strong, blinding, burning light. Goodbye goodness, goodbye Draco, I am no more.
…will you join me too?
Read, Reveiw, Talk to someone if you need help.
Somebody loves you.
-Laura
-Attention Deficit
- 15
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- 17
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