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The Potions Master's Baby	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 63467 -:- Recommendations : 8 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Chapter Sixteen: Couple�s Shower or Crucio?

A couple�s shower. Who was the bloody idiot that came up with that notion? Severus wondered as he stood in the back of a room filled with women with the other members of the cock club. The women all stood around Hermione touching her belly and gushing over the joys of motherhood. The men stood in awkward silence amongst the storks and pink tissue paper streamers that adorned anything that stood still. At least there was alcohol that lessened the horror some.

�Can we go out back and pick up a game?� George Weasley asked. He needed to get out of the room before his wife began eyeing him as a prospective breeder.

�Ginny threatened me with a cut off if I dared.� Harry said, eyeing the table of unidentifiable finger foods. �You would think that since this is a couple�s shower they would at least have food that appeals to both sides of the couple.�

�What is it that I am supposed to be doing here?� Severus asked finally.

�You are supposed to ooo and ahhh over all of the cutsie little clothes and doodads that you receive as gifts.� Harry said, taking a very long drink from his bottle of ale.

�I doubt I am up to such a ridiculous task. Can�t I simply look at them later?� He asked.

�Not if you ever want to have sex again.� George said. �It�s important to her therefore you have to at least pretend that it is important to you when everyone knows you don�t give a damn.�

�Hello, gentlemen, I take it this is where the cocks congregate?� Severus�s lip curled at the sight of Richie Dumont.

�Richie! So glad you could make it, Mate!� Harry slapped him on the back and passed him an open bottle of ale.

�What have I missed?� He asked, laying a brightly wrapped package on a table already laden with gifts.

�So far they have done nothing but touch all over her belly.� George said.

�Well that could be interesting�if they were naked.� Richie observed. The other men nodded in agreement.

�Why are you here, Dumont? Last I knew you weren�t a part of a couple.� Severus was irritable and Richie had a way of rubbing him wrong.

�My rose wanted me here.� Richie grinned.

�I would watch your usage of the word my when it applies to Hermione.� Severus warned. Richie only laughed, not too concerned about the threat.

�She looks happy.� George said suddenly. �I haven�t seen that smile on her face since�well it�s been a long time is all. You must be doing something right, Snape.�

Severus took it for the compliment that it was. If things had been different she would have been married to Ronald and it would be his child that she carried. To have his brother approve was quite the accolade.

Hermione caught his gaze and she smiled, her eyes beaming. He felt it from across the room, that punch in the gut feeling that had become so common place in his life since she had become such a crucial part of it. His lips twitched in response but a wink was all that manifested.

�Oh bloody hell, you have it bad.� Richie laughed.

�Mind your business, Dumont.� Severus straightened as Ginevra Potter approached him; certain it was to instruct him on some uncomfortable task.

�You boys have been very good. I expected you to sneak off before now.� She said.

�Harry was afraid you�d cut him off, poor bloke was shaking in his ugly sandals.� George said, slugging Harry in the arm.

�Well I am pleased to announce that it is time to eat.� She expected the lackluster response as the men looked over at the food table with a sad lack of interest. �There are chicken wings and chips in the kitchen. Come right back when you are done.� It sounded like a stampede as they hurried from the room.

~@~

�Do we have to go back?� George asked, so filled with beer and chicken that he didn�t think he was going to be able to move.

�We have to go back.� Harry sighed. �Maybe if we act all giddy over the stuffed ducks and bum cream we will get to go into the basement and play a hand or two of poker.�

�Why would we be giddy for bum cream?� Richie asked, rubbing his hand over his rather portly belly.

�Believe me; if you were dealing with diaper rash you would be giddy for bum cream.� Harry said.

�I still don�t understand. They aren�t paying attention to us so why do they want us here?� Severus pushed his plate away, it was impossible for him to eat another bite.

�That is the mystery of women, Snape. Don�t try to solve it, just do what they say and act like it�s what you really want to do and you will continue to enjoy an active sex life.� George said.

�Amen!� Harry exclaimed, raising his beer in salute. �And on that note we should get back before they come looking for us.�

�Well surely they will come find us when they require us.� Severus looked towards the hallway with dread.

�Wow, you really haven�t had a serious relationship have you? I don�t know whether to envy you for living so long shagging whoever you want or pity you for living so long alone.� George groaned as he pushed himself up from the chair. �See the trick is to NOT make her come looking for you. That way she can not say later that you MADE her force you to do what you should have wanted to do all along.�

�That makes absolutely no sense.� Richie said.

�That is marriage, my friend.� Harry said as he got to his feet.

�But he isn�t married. He�s just shagging and knocking up young witches.� Richie said, deliberately commenting on the lack of a ring on Hermione�s finger. He adored her and while he wished it were him, she wanted Severus and she deserved a ring.

�Good as.� George laid his hand on Severus�s shoulder. �Come on, Snape, we will not steer you wrong.�

�This from the boy who made flatulence potion his first year and fed it to the mandrakes.� Severus replied, getting to his feet reluctantly.

�I never heard that story.� Harry grinned.

�All of the potted mandrakes suffered terribly for nearly a week, blowing the soil out of their pots and howling with abdominal cramps. Nothing could be done for it, we just had to wait it out and then it took over a week to clean it all up after the greenhouse had been aired out of course.� Severus said, he couldn�t say it at the time but it was actually rather clever.

�I have refined the potion and now use it in the Farting Fruit Taffy. So you see, Snape, all the stuff you taught me about brewing has made me a successful man!�

�I am proud beyond words.� He intoned flatly as he followed the red head from the kitchen. Harry was already standing near the doorway to the lounge and he had his hand up indicating for them to be quiet, a big grin on his face as he motioned them closer.

~@~

Hermione set her empty plate aside and leaned back in the chair, her hands resting on her stomach. She was huge. There was no other word for it, well there was massive, enormous, and gigantic but the multi-syllable words didn�t quite hold the same punch as the simple single syllable huge.

�So, Hermione�you�ve been fed, pampered and we have had the nice, proper girl talk so I think it is about time for you to spill it.� Angelina Weasley moved to the edge of her chair and waggled her eyebrows at Hermione.

�Spill what exactly?� Hermione eyed the tall, dark woman suspiciously.

�Oh do not play coy with me! You are shagging the meanest teacher in Hogwarts history! We want details!� She goaded. A chorus of encouragement erupted from the other women present including Ginny.

�You have your own wizards! You don�t need details about mine.� She laughed.

�Oh yes we do!� Parvati said. �That man was so cantankerous and mean when we were in school I couldn�t begin to imagine him as a lover.�

�Oh I could.� Ginny said. �That voice? My god it is positively knicker soaking!� Several affirmations to that fact went up and Hermione laughed.

�None of that! He is very taken thank you.� She said, reaching for her glass of lemonade.

�Oh yeah? How often?� Angelina asked.

�How often what?�

�How often is he taken?� she asked. Hermione sputtered and sat her drink aside.

�I don�t ask you how often you shag your husbands!�

�George and I go three or four times a week.� Angelina said with a shrug.

�Harry and I average four.� Ginny offered.

�Goren and I are two to three.� Parvati answered.

�You have to answer now, its girl code. We tell our secrets you tell yours.� Angelina said.

�Alright! You are a bunch of pervs you know that right?� She was met with several get on with it stares. �We do it once or twice�.a day.�

�Every day! No wonder you are sprogged up!� Angelina laughed. �I can�t believe it�are you slipping him virility potion? He�s what, fifty? My goodness!�

�If you can�t handle the answers then don�t ask the questions.� Hermione said.

�Is it good?� Ginny asked, her cheeks slightly flushed. All of the other women were staring at her with wide, curious eyes.

�Uhm�.yeah�.it�s unbelievable actually.� She said, chewing her lower lip to try and smother her grin somewhat.

�I knew it!� Angelina said, slapping her thigh. �I told you that glow wasn�t just the pregnancy.�

�Yeah well, now you know so leave me alone about it.� Hermione shook her head at her friends.

�Like that�s going to happen. You should know better.� Ginny said. �What I want to know is�.describe his wand.�

�No! You are all a bunch of shameless hussies!� She couldn�t believe they were asking her such questions. Well, okay, maybe she could believe it.

�Come on�.George is rather long actually, it�s quite nice when you are wanting a little action from behind.� Angelina said shamelessly.

�Harry is on the thicker side and I swear he is like that drumming rabbit on the muggle telly adverts, he just keeps going and going and going�.the man wears me out.� Ginny sighed wistfully. �Just thinking about it wears me out.�

�Goren isn�t all that impressive actually.� Parvati said disappointedly.

�Come on, Hermione, your turn.� Angelina said.

�What about the others?� She asked, gesturing to the other women listening intently.

�All single. Quit stalling and reveal the potions master�s wand stats!� Ginny giggled.

�Ugh, thank gods he isn�t around to hear this, he�d be furious.� She grumbled. �He is impressive, both long and thick and when he said he didn�t hold with foolish wand waving he was dead serious, the man has left me barely conscious on more than one occasion. Are you happy?�

�Well it�s easy to understand why you are!� Angelina said. The room filled with the sounds of bawdy female laughter.

~@~

Severus stood with his arms crossed and one brow arched at the three men currently staring at him in shock. The rather informative and personal conversation between the ladies had revealed a little more than he was comfortable with.

�Bloody hell, Snape, every day? Merlin, forget about us guiding you, you need to share your secret!� George said, in awe that a man Snape�s age had such stamina.

�Your wives are far too curious and far too chatty.� Severus growled.

�And you are my new hero.� Harry said laughing. �Come on, let�s get in there before they start with the sketches.�

�Are you serious?� Severus asked. He still couldn�t believe that the women talked of such things when they were together, but after overhearing their little conversation he wouldn�t put it past them to begin comparing diagrams.

�It�s not so bad, I mean come on, it�s a couples shower not the cruciatus.� Harry laid his hand on Severus�s shoulder and squeezed.

�With the cruciatus you eventually end up unconscious, this doesn�t seem quite as promising.� He grumbled as he let Harry guide him back into the gaggle of females determined to ooo and ahhh over the gifts and get back to the castle as quickly as possible.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I went to a couples shower and it amused me how incredibly uncomfortable the men were standing among all the fluffy decorations at the back of the room, trying desperately to figure out what in the hell they were doing there. I figured with Snape it would be even more horrible�..

So I will try to get some pics up of me in my costume LOL�.My dark mark was a temp tattoo that turned out to be not so temp�Ive been scrubbing it since Fri night but its not going anywhere!!! You can buy death eater robes, but I wore a black dress and high heeled boots, a velvet cloak, a skull rosary�.blood red nails and lips, dark eyes�.mask.. I have waist length insanely curly hair that was easy to turn into something wild and �bellatrix-ish�. Went over well at work�.made a child cry in an elevator when he saw my dark mark LOL I have awesome pics of my boys, the little one was Harry in school robes and the oldest was Harry in quidditch robes�.I have a photo of dueling Harry�s that is just too cute!!!!

Anyhow, enjoy the update!!!!! I hope everyone had a happy Halloween!!

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The Potions Master's Baby