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Proof of Life	By : emilywaters Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 65994 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter related. It all belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and any other entities involved. I make no money from writing fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 15
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Lost and Found

Nothing happened.

For a few moments, Severus simply stared at Harry with absolute dread. Harry himself was not faring much better. The fact that Severus had attempted to invade his mind was not nearly as unsettling to Harry as the realization that Severus was unable to cast the spell.

Severus dropped Harry's wand on the table quickly, as if he'd been burned, and slouched in the chair, looking down. His entire body was tense, as if in anticipation of a physical blow, or a malicious curse. Moving as calmly as he could, Harry reached for his wand and reclaimed it.

�It might be that my wand isn't right for you,� Harry said, unable to think of anything else other than the fact that Severus' magical ability was somehow compromised. �We should drop by Ollivander's and see...�

�Stop it!� Severus screamed, clenching his fists and slamming them against the table surface. �That's enough!� The quick, angry outburst died as quickly as it had emerged, and Severus turned his head away, burying his face in his hands.

Unsure how to respond to any of that, and feeling like he was dangerously close to losing his mind, Harry made a hasty retreat into the living room.

He placed a firecall to Marietta's home and her sleepy face appeared in the Floo a minute later.

�What's going on, Potter?�

�We aren't doing well,� Harry said ruefully, casting a cautious glance back at the stunned Severus. �I realize you probably just got off work, but... could you come over? Even for a few minutes?�

�What happened?�

�I asked him to cast the Patronus Charm,� Harry confessed, and braced himself for verbal slaughter.

Marietta didn't disappoint him.

�Of course you did. Why shouldn't he be able to think happy thoughts? It's been almost two whole weeks since his rescue, after all! He spent nearly a whole fortnight without being tortured! He should be able to generate an entire herd of does at this point! There's nothing to it, right, Potter?�

�You were right. I'm sorry.�

�You are sorry! You are sorry! I warned you � but...�

�You're right,� Harry whispered sincerely. �But � please. Please. Help.�

She sighed deeply. �Tell me what happened.�

�He sort of tried to, er, attack me, � Harry said reluctantly. �Well, not exactly attack,� he amended, wanting to be fair. �He tried to use Legilimency on me.�

Marietta's irritation disappeared instantly and her face brightened up. �Really? That's wonderful!�

�It is?�

�Let me guess, you were hoping he'd remain your docile pet permanently?� she asked with just a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

�Fuck you,� Harry said, bothered in spite of himself. He realized that it really wasn't a compliment to his personality that he had gotten a little too comfortable with the obedient version of Snape. �Just come over, all right? Please? I'm at the end of my rope, and the end-piece is slippery.�

�All right, all right,� she muttered. �So what happened, anyway? Did he see your noble intentions and good motives?� Her voice was laced with honeyed venom, but Harry didn't care.

�Actually, nothing happened,� Harry said, trying not to panic at the thought of what that might mean. �No magic. Maybe my wand isn't...�

�All right,� Marietta said brusquely. �I'll be at your place in fifteen minutes. Try not to provoke any more attacks in the meantime.�

�I'll be good,� Harry assured her, and she terminated the firecall connection.

He sat on the couch and waited patiently, casting a cautious glance or two into the kitchen where Severus was still frozen in his chair.

Marietta emerged from the Floo about half an hour later, holding a large box in her hands. �Sorry it took me so long,� she said, setting the box on the floor. �Damned paperwork.�

�Paperwork,� Harry mused, staring at the box on the floor of his living room. �What's this?�

�Ask him to come out and join us,� Marietta said, ignoring Harry's question.

Harry did, and a moment later Severus entered the living room.

�Hello, Professor. Remember me?� Marietta asked.

�I remember you,� Severus said quietly. �Edgecombe. Ravenclaw.�

�That's right,� she said. �So, I heard you attempted to cast a Legilimency spell, and it didn't work.�

He nodded mutely, giving her a quick, guarded look.

�Why don't we try other wands,� she said, pointing to the box. �Maybe one of these will get better results.�

�You brought a boxful of wands?� Harry exclaimed. �How?�

�St. Mungo's Lost and Found,� Marietta explained. �Wands left behind, unclaimed...�

�Who in their right mind would leave a wand behind?� Harry asked.

�Most of these belonged to deceased patients, whose families never requested the wands,� Marietta said. �Some belonged to people with a shady past, who left the incriminating wands behind, having obtained a replacement.�

�Oh.� Harry was marginally bothered by the slightly macabre fact of a boxful of dead people's wands sitting in his living room, but neither Marietta nor Severus appeared to be troubled. �Well, all right.� He gave Severus a small nod. �Try something simple. A Lumos, or a levitation spell...�

One by one, Severus went through all the wands, flicking them and attempting to cast spells. Nothing at all happened � he might as well have been trying to use pieces of dead wood to do magic. When they finally ran out of wands, heavy silence ensued in the living room.

�Well,� Marietta mused, and looked up at Severus quizzically. �May I examine you?�

Severus nodded silently.

She cast a few spells on him, and took a minute to absorb the results, while Harry waited with bated breath.

Marietta looked at Severus again. �You have a right to privacy. Do you want Harry to leave before I give you the test results?� she asked.

Severus stared at her blankly for a few moments and then shook his head.

�You are still a wizard,� Marietta said. �You are also not under a dark curse, or a geis of any sort as far as I can tell. My guess is that your magical ability appears to be repressed at the moment.�

�Repressed,� Harry repeated. �Like...�

�Like some people suppress painful or dangerous memories,� Marietta explained. �Some wizards suppress their magical ability, usually as a result of trauma. Probably the best publicized case at this point is...�

�Merope Gaunt,� Harry muttered, interrupting her. �So what do we do?�

�We wait,� Marietta said simply. �If all goes well,� she looked at Severus appraisingly, �once you decide it's safe enough, your magical ability should re-emerge...�

�Should,� Harry repeated, not liking this one bit. �Can't you do something...�

�No,� Marietta said bluntly and a little unkindly. �At this point, Harry, only you can, by maintaining a stress-free, calm, restful environment.�

�Oh,� Harry said. �I guess I really fucked that up for the moment, huh?�

�Well....� She didn't finish her statement, but there was no need. Harry bit his lip and looked at Severus apologetically.

�May I leave, Harry?� Severus asked quietly, glancing longingly at the kitchen chair.

�Yes,� Harry said, and Severus slipped away from the living room.

Marietta crouched on the floor, and gathered up the wands, placing them back in the box. Harry watched her in silent admiration, fully realizing that she was doing this on her time off, for his benefit as much as Severus'. What had happened to the little, mousy, scared girl whom he used to sneer at back at school, following her betrayal of Dumbledore's Army? When did she grow up, and turn into a brilliant and compassionate woman? Or was this sort of thing always in her nature, but he was simply too angry, too spiteful to notice any of that?

He didn't know how to verbalize any of that without sounding condescending, so he simply said, �You really should bill me for this, you know. Your supervisors might be upset. I don't want you getting yourself in trouble...�

She grinned at him with obscene innocence. �Trouble? For what? All we did was try out some old wands.�

�Still,� Harry continued to argue, �You don't want to shoot your career in the foot...�

She shrugged indifferently. �My career never stood a chance.� She glared at him without a trace of amusement this time. �Do you really think that I'll ever amount to anything other than a night-shift attendant healer, given my past?�

�What past?� Harry asked the predictably stupid question.

She gave him a long, pointed look.

�Don't tell me that people are still upset with you for what you did when you were fifteen!� Harry snapped.

Marietta shrugged. �Fifteen, or fifty, it really doesn't matter,� she said calmly. �All that matters is that the world is divided into triumphant victors and defeated Voldemort's followers. I may not have done enough to warrant a sentence in Azkaban, but more than enough to screw myself up for the rest of my life.�

�That's not fair,� Harry whispered, taken aback by her matter-of-fact explanation. He knew of course that the wizarding world was heading straight to hell in a handbasket, but he hadn't realized that things were that bad...

�I really don't mind the night shift,� she said.

�That's not the point!� Harry almost yelled, infuriated by her calm acceptance of injustice.

She stared at him without blinking. �I don't want your sympathy,� she said tersely. �Now, it's already eleven in the morning, and I need to get some sleep. Don't wake me unless there's an emergency.�

�Right,� Harry said. �Thank you.�

�Goodbye,� she said, picked up her box and departed promptly.

~ * ~

Harry did not call him again when Marietta departed, and Severus continued to sit in silence at the kitchen table, processing what had happened. He wondered if he might have misjudged his predicament. Perhaps Harry had some logical, practical use for him, remembering his former expertise in Potions, or Dark Arts. That made a great deal more sense than the notion of elaborate mind games. Incidentally, that would also explain the regular feedings, the excessive rest, the reassuring touches, as well as Harry's interest in getting him to read, requests for him to cast spells, and Harry's clearly genuine disappointment when that didn't work out.

Had Harry truly intended to hurt him, wouldn't he have done so by now? Self-control was never one of Potter's strongest points. Severus sighed ruefully as he admitted to himself that the likelihood of practical intentions was far greater than the possibility that the young wizard was simply biding his time before beginning to torture him.

Unfortunately, it also meant that Severus had just failed and missed the opportunity to prove himself. He had demonstrated himself to be dangerous and unstable when he attacked Harry, attempting to invade his mind. And, as if that wasn't enough, he had also proved himself to be completely and utterly useless, as he was unable to cast a single spell. Dangerous, unstable, and useless. What a prize. He supposed it was only a matter of time until Harry got rid of him, one way or another.

He shut his eyes. His first piece of good luck in seven years, or perhaps longer, and yet he had been too blind to even recognize it, and appreciate it.

He remembered the taunting voices of his captors all too well.

They were right, Severus thought. He was ungrateful.

Slowly, he made his way out into the living room. Sitting on the couch, Harry cast a cautious, guarded look at him. There was still no anger in his expression, just concern and wariness. Wariness, because of the attempted assault?

He knelt, assuming the position of habit. He did not know what to say, what to ask for. He wanted to beg to be kept... he suspected it was too late.

�Forgive me, Master.� The words fell off his tongue of their own volition. Over the years, he had become used to saying them, but never before had he meant them so completely and sincerely.

Harry nodded and smiled slightly. �I'm sorry, too. I should have been able to tell you were getting upset, but I just got excited about the idea of the Patronus, and kept pushing. That was daft, even for me.�

Severus shut his eyes as the dread at his failure took over, obscuring everything else. He wished he had died, instead of being rescued. He wondered if he might find a way to end it all. The idea of changing hands over and over again, like a damaged dog that nobody wanted to take on, was too much to cope with.

�Are you going to dispose of me?� Severus asked, bracing himself for the response.

�What? No!� Harry denied instantly.

�Aren't you angry?� Severus questioned.

�No. You took me by surprise, that's all.� Harry sighed slightly. �That was a great idea, by the way.�

Severus considered Harry's words dutifully. �What was?� he asked finally, giving up on trying to understand.

�Legilimency. I wish it had worked.� Harry shrugged. �Not that my brain is the most appealing place to poke around in, but at least you'd have seen that I mean you no harm.�

Severus stared at him in surprise. �You aren't angry?� he repeated.

�Not at all.�

For a few minutes, Severus continued to kneel in silence with his head bowed. �Punish me,� he finally said, not daring to look up. The request should have been filled with the usual dread, but somehow, he had a feeling that this time it would be different. Potter might hurt him, but ... Severus began to believe that this time, it wouldn't be the sort of pain that threatened to claim the remnants of one's sanity.

�If I do, can you promise you won't hurt yourself?� Harry asked.

Severus was startled by Harry's insight into his private thoughts, and considered the odd question seriously. If Harry were to punish him, it would likely mean that Harry intended to keep him. If Harry were to keep him...

�Yes,� Severus said quietly. �I promise.�

He shuddered slightly when he felt Harry's hand rest on his shoulder.

�Fine,� Harry said.

~ * ~

�I've got a cellar downstairs,� Harry said, thinking quickly. �I want you to clean it out, and evaluate the space for comfort. Take note of the temperature, lighting, ventilation, and let me know what you think.�

�I can do that,� Severus agreed peacefully. �That doesn't seem like much of a punishment though.�

�Wait till you see it,� Harry muttered. �It has all kinds of junk. Don't sort through any of it, just put it in one big pile, and I'll Evanesco it when I get back home.�

�You're leaving?� Severus asked, seeming to be troubled by the prospect.

�Yes. I'll be back in the evening. I want to go see my daughter, and spend some time with Ginny. I'm going to call Luna Lovegood to come and keep you company.�

�That's not necessary.�

Harry spoke bluntly this time. �I disagree. You worry me. I'd like you to have company while I am gone.�

Severus did not argue. �As you wish.�

Luna arrived as soon as her day at the Quibbler office was over, and Harry departed quickly, more confident than ever that he was on the road of no return, heading straight for that wizarding hell he'd imagined previously.

Over the last seven years, while thinking Severus Snape to be dead, Harry had occasionally permitted himself to daydream and indulge in a fruitless fantasy, along the lines of, what would life have been like, had Severus Snape survived? From time to time, Harry pictured that they'd have managed to bury the old disagreements, come to an understanding, make peace. Maybe they could have become friends, Harry would fantasize, playing an occasional game of chess, grabbing a drink in the Leaky Cauldron. The point was that somehow, Harry had imagined that with the war behind them, they might actually get along.

The scenario of Severus Snape cleaning out his cellar was just not a part of those fantasies.

He had just fucking made the war hero clean out his cellar. Harry shuddered slightly. The fact that Severus did not mind this at all, didn't make him feel any better about it. If anything, it made him feel decidedly worse.

~ * ~

Luna Lovegood, Ravenclaw, was standing at the doorstep to the large cellar space. �You remember me, don't you?�

�Why does everyone keep asking that?� Severus muttered, staring at a small pile of rags in his hands. �I may be suffering from a variety of maladies, but dementia isn't one of them.�

�That's wonderful!� Luna approved enthusiastically. �Are you going to try and kill yourself tonight?�

�No.�

�Do you want me to help you clean?�

�No.�

�Do you want me to read to you while you clean?�

�No.�

�Can I stay here while you clean?�

�Yes.�

Satisfied, she sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall, and opened a small book she'd brought with her.

For the longest time, he simply gripped a moist rag, and marveled briefly at how utterly wonderful it felt to be doing something ordinary and normal with his hands.

Potter � Harry, he corrected himself mentally � was not disposing of him altogether. He was simply moving him down to the cellar. He was also planning to ensure that Severus had a reasonable level of comfort while staying there. Severus shook his head ruefully, feeling something like a twinge of affectionate amusement for his Master. As far as punishments went, this hardly qualified as one, but somehow, it satisfied his anxiety, leaving him relieved and almost relaxed.

Or rather, he could be relaxed, if he weren't so vexed by Marietta's diagnosis. Repressed magical ability. That sounded like the epitome of frailty and weakness. The good side of it, of course, was that it would resurface in time. The bad side of it was that he didn't know if it would come back in time to satisfy his owner. He still did not know what on earth Harry wanted with him, but at this point it didn't matter. It was hardly a credit to him that he was willing to do just about fucking anything to earn his keep.

Throughout the evening Luna fed him several times, bringing a container of a pureed substance that smelled like potatoes and squash, and was cream-colored with orange swirls. From the Leaky Cauldron, she said. She sat on the floor next to him, and they ate it together, dipping their spoons into the container.

�This is so juvenile,� she said suddenly. �I like being juvenile.�

It was quite late when he finished cleaning. Luna was still reading, absorbed in her book, paying absolutely no attention to him, as far as he could tell.

Slowly, he stretched out on the floor and tucked his arm under his head. Sleep came quickly, and as he was drifting off to sleep, he dreamed of Harry's hand on his shoulder. He sighed blissfully, as he gave himself over to that glorious, brilliant madness.

~ * ~

Harry returned late in the evening, completely and utterly exhausted. Luna greeted him by the Floo with a serene smile.

�I cannot believe how much energy that child has,� Harry complained half-heartedly. �Where's Severus?�

�Asleep. Downstairs.�

�What?!!�

Luna stared at him without blinking.

Harry shut his eyes tightly, fighting back the urge to scream at her.

�Please tell me he's not sleeping on the floor.�

�Of course he's sleeping on the floor.�

�And you let him?�

Luna shrugged nonchalantly. �I figured he knows what he's doing.�

�Well, thanks, I think,� Harry said, with no small measure of irritation. �Good night, Luna.�

�I'll be back on Tuesday. That's tomorrow,� she informed him and left.

Harry walked downstairs and saw Severus, stretched out on the floor, sound asleep. Harry knelt next to him and shook his shoulder.

�Come to bed, please,� Harry said. �I didn't mean for you to sleep here.�

Severus sat up abruptly. �You wanted me to assess the space and see if it was livable,� he said. �I assumed this was my space now.�

Harry nodded. �It will be eventually,� he confirmed, �but in addition to the bedroom, not as a replacement. I was thinking, you might be staying with me for a while. We could set this up as a lab, or a study. I think it'll be nice for you to have your own workspace.�

�Oh.� Severus stared at him uncomprehendingly. �What is it that you want me to do for you?�

Harry sighed deeply. �I suppose if I were to tell you that I just want you to rest and get better, you wouldn't believe me. Would you?�

He heard the man's breath quicken, and become uneven. �I'm sorry,� Severus said uncertainly. �I know I've got no right to demand answers. I just want to know how I can be useful.�

�I really don't care about your usefulness to me,� Harry said softly. �I care about you.�

~ * ~

�Care,� Severus repeated, the simple word sounding foreign to his ears, at least when applied to him. The word hovered somewhere just in the forefront of his awareness, and seemed like something long-lost, almost begging to be reclaimed.

He did not know how to respond.

He didn't believe it, of course. The mere idea was preposterous. And yet, Harry appeared to be genuinely troubled by the fact that Severus did not believe him.

�I'm sorry,� Severus said again.

�Don't be. Can I show you something though?� Harry asked.

Severus stiffened involuntarily, as those words had never in the last seven years heralded anything good.

�Nothing bad,� Harry assured him, noticing his tension. They walked upstairs together, leaving the barren cellar behind. Harry pointed to the couch, and Severus sat down promptly, watching Harry's every move. Harry walked to his bookshelf and searched for something in silence.

Finally Harry spoke again. �Do you think I love my daughter?�

His words caught Severus off guard for a moment, but at least this question was not confusing. He could answer it quickly and easily.

�Yes, I can tell that you do.�

�If I were playing mind-games with you, do you think I'd use my daughter to do that?� Harry asked.

�No,� Severus said with absolute confidence.

�Good. I want you to take a look at this. This is my daughter's birth certificate.�

Severus accepted the official piece of parchment and opened it, staring down at the inscription that advised him that on August 13th, 1999, a female child was born to Harry James Potter and Ginevra Margaret Potter . The girl's name was Lily Eileen Potter.

�Eileen,� Severus whispered, as his mind struggled to accept the undeniable fact that Harry Potter's daughter's middle name was that of Severus' mother.

�It was one of the few fights I managed to win with Ginny,� Harry said wryly. �I wanted to name my daughter after my mother, and yours.�

�Why?� Severus demanded.

�I missed you,� Harry said simply. �I thought I'd lost you forever, and I missed you terribly. I wanted to have something that linked me back to you in some way. I realize we've never been on good terms, but knowing what I do now... I care for you a great deal.�

Cautiously, Severus ran his fingertips across the rough, pebbled surface of the parchment. He sensed that he'd reached a turning point of some sort, and he was on the verge of seeing his entire world change again, for the second time this day.

�I am not asking you to just accept that blindly,� Harry said softly, �but could you consider it?�

�Maybe,� Severus whispered, returning the parchment to Harry, but not before casting one final, long look at it.

To his surprise, Harry smiled broadly. �Good, that's good. I'll take a maybe.�

To Be Continued...

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Proof of Life