Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Jaded	By : Lilyyuri Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Remus Views: 18219 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: The Harry Potter universe and characters are the sole property of J.K. Rowling. I make absolutely no profit out of writing any of these stories.

Chapter List
- 1-Jaded
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 15
- 16
- 17
JADED

For Summery, warnings, spoilers and disclaimers see chapter one.

..oo00oo..

Chapter Sixteen: I will survive
(Title by Gloria Gaynor, album- Love Tracks)

..o0o.. ..o0o.. ..o0o..

Harry felt guilty. No, actually he was consumed with it; his insides were turning and twisting every time he remembered the shameful kiss. He hasn�t seen Draco since that night, and for that he was glad. He knew that things hadn�t really changed between them and that Draco wasn�t expecting anything from him but he still felt bad with himself.

He hadn�t meant to kiss back, he would never have had he been sober, but the lull of the booze and the fact that he was still hurt by Remus� callus behaviour towards him were undoing him and now he was a cheater. A filthy little cheater who couldn't even keep his hands and lips to himself and if Remus left him over this it would be entirely Harry�s fault.

After two days of wallowing in his guilt and remorse he decided to tell Remus and be over with it. Harry had known for a long time that he was far too Gryffindor for his own good, with a healthy dash of Hufflepuff for good measure, I mean what the hell was the sorting hat babbling about Slytherin? His honest nature wouldn�t let him not tell his boyfriend about this because he knew that either way he�d be fucked but he decided he wanted to at least be able to look Remus in the eyes even if the other boy would be cross with him.

�Hey gorgeous, where�ve you been hiding?� Harry nearly jumped out of his skin at the soft purring voice in his ear. He turned around slowly and smiled feebly at the grinning Remus. Since taking refuge in the library to avoid Remus wasn�t as easy as it was when he wanted to avoid Ron Harry choose to go the Quidditch pitch. For the last couple of days he spent quite a lot of time sitting in the freezing stands wrapped tightly with his winter cloak and watching the snow falling. But it seemed that his 48 hours of benevolence were over.

�Hi.� Harry managed to choke out. Deciding to tell Remus what happened was one thing, actually doing it was another thing altogether and frankly he had no idea how to even approach the subject. Remus sighed and sat down behind Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry and trying to share some body warmth. Harry couldn't help it, he leaned into the touch, if Remus was going to drop him after today, then at least he'll have some nice memories of their time together.

�Is everything alright? I haven�t seen you in a while.� Remus asked, trying not to succumb to the slight panicky feeling inside him,

�There�s something I need to tell you.� Harry said softly, eyes fixed straight ahead and jaw set. There wasn�t much point in delaying the inevitable.

�Sounds serious� What�s wrong?� That got Remus really worried; it wasn�t like Jaime to be so stiff and distant,

"IkissedAlexonNewYear'sEveandI'msosososososorry�" Harry blurted out, his face reddening with embarrassment and shame,

"I'm sorry I must have missed something here, what happened?" Remus could sense that his boyfriend was on edge here but he still needed to get the facts right,

"I kissed Alex." Harry whispered, feeling the tears welling in his eyes, and his whole face burning, despite the frozen weather outside. Remus' own breathing turned somewhat shallow, his jaw tightening and little spasms of muscles visible whenever he clenched his teeth,

"When?" Harry could hear the warmth sipping away from Remus' voice, although his arms never lessened their grip on him,

"New Year's Eve."

"When you and Alex went to have a little party at the Great Hall with a case of butterbeer and a bottle of firewhiskey?" When you were cross with me for not being able to say the words you so badly wanted to hear? Remus asked silently. He knew for a while now what it was that Jaime wanted from him, but he figured that he could avoid speaking the actual words if he just showed him how much he cared, he really hoped it would be enough for them but obviously he was wrong.

Remus didn't even know what was so hard about saying 'I love you' to someone, after all Jaime seemed to be doing a bang-on job with it, but the feelings and the meaning of them were still so new to Remus and he was scared, because no one ever loved him before and he never believed he could love someone.

"Yes." Harry's voice was so small that if Remus hadn't known the answer in advance he probably wouldn't hear him,

"I see." Harry buried his face in his hands, well, it's been good couple of months, he thought miserably and although I never got what I really wanted I had fun. Now we're going to be estranged and awkward around each other- oh joy� He really hated himself at that moment, for not being tougher, for not having the strength to stand up for what he wanted and what he needed, for letting the alcohol cloud his judgment and make him do things he never wanted to.

"I'm so so so sorry, Remus I would never have done it if I was sober�" He tried to plea, his eyes fixed in his lap, feeling the solid presence of Remus behind him but due to the number and thickness of layers between them he couldn�t really tell how stiff or relaxed Remus was.
Remus lowered his head and put his forehead on Harry's shoulder, feeling at loss.

He wasn�t really mad at Jaime for kissing Alex, because if Jaime's state when he came back to the tower that night was any indication Remus was quite surprised that Jaime even remembered his own name, let alone one little kiss� but Jaime was thoughtful enough to tell him about it, guilty enough for it to mean anything and the truth was, Remus was honoured, he wasn't mad at Jaime for kissing Alex, he was elated that Jaime felt guilty which in turn made him feel a little guilty for being a bastard and feeling good when Jaime was obviously feeling bad.

"I know." He said quietly, hiding his smile in the folds of Harry's cloak.

"And I would understand if you never want to be with me again�" Harry chocked out, blinking rapidly and tensing. Remus' head jerked up, well if that wasn�t an unexpected turn of events�

�Whoa, hold on a second!� Remus cried, �Break up with you? Over what? A drunken kiss with a guy who�s exploring his sexuality?� He asked incredulously, was Jaime that insecure about their relationship that he�d be willing to toss it out the window the second that something bad happens? Harry turned to look at him, feeling a little warmer than he had in the last couple of days.

"You're not mad?" As much as Remus liked to think he'd be furious and threaten to march to the Slytherin common room and punch Alex's lights out, he was also a Gryffindor, an honest one to boot as well,

"Not really, no�" He gave Harry half a smile and Harry couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his lips, he ran his frozen fingers over Remus' cheek and smiled,

"I'm really am sorry�"

"Yes, you said that a couple of times already." Harry smiled wide and kissed the tip of Remus' nose,

"You're really not mad?" He tentatively asked, one last time to be completely sure,

"Oh, I'm furiously mad! I think you deserve a punishment!" Remus cheerfully chuckled, and Harry punched him lightly in the arm. They snuggled closer together, feeling quite good with each other, "It's going to take a lot more than this to get rid of me, you know�"

"I hope so." Harry placed his head on Remus' shoulder, feeling like he could breathe a whole lot easier now that the crisis was over. As far as he was concerned the past couple of days from hell were well worth it because now his heart was light, guilt free and full of love again. Remus leaned in and pressed their lips together, brushing their freezing noses and cheeks together,

�Can we please go back in now? All my bits are frozen solid and if I stay outside any longer they�re bound to break off clean.� He complained, shivering with cold and the thought of his frost bitten bits, and Harry chuckled again.

�Oh, we wouldn�t want that to happen�� Harry said cheerfully and ran a gloved hand on the area of said bits. Remus shook his head and rose to his feet pulling Harry with him. Together they made their way back to the relative warmth of the castle, heading straight to the Room of Requirements to make sure all was well between them.
--HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR--

The rest of the holidays went zooming by and before anyone was fully ready for it the rest of the students were back and the castle was filled with life again. Draco for one was nearly ecstatic about it, because ever since the New Year's Eve Harry's been avoiding him because of that stupid drunken kiss which meant that Draco was left all alone and friendless. Not that he had many of them anyway but at least he didn't have to listen to the eerie silence of the dungeons, feeling like a wandering ghost.

Harry on the other hand, was less pleased by the fact that once again he and Remus were forced to migrate to the Room of Requirements. During the holidays they finally managed to get to a satisfactory deal with Sirius to be left alone in exchange for Animagus lessons, but it was a lot harder to toss all three of their dorm-mates out. But as life in a big school often does everything settled back into a cosy rhythm quite quickly. The harsh weather outside hardly inspired anyone to step outside unless they absolutely had to and so the corridors were constantly full of students, ambling about and complaining of the cold.

It�s been about two weeks since the beginning of the term and Harry still hasn�t faced Draco. At first it was inconvenience, because even though he patched up things with Remus it was still hard to look Draco in the eye, then it simply slipped Harry�s mind, especially when Lily�s 18th birthday loomed closer. The marauders who never missed a chance for a party decided to celebrate that important date as loudly as they could. That meant bullying everyone from sixth year down to stay in the dorms while the upper classes partied through the night. Alcohol and food and music were flowing from the tower until professor McGonagall herself had to drop in wearing a tartan night-robe, a sleeping-bonnet and a very cross expression to tell them off.

The next morning Harry opened his groggy eyes, feeling as if a herd of angry centaurs decided to ran a stampede around his skull and a bunch of nifflers decided to poke around his tummy. He let himself get used to the fact that sadly he was awake before he tried to open his eyes again. Luckily this time the blurry shapes were beginning to make some sense. Not that that did him any good, when he found he was tightly wrapped around Sirius, on Sirius' bed while clad only in his boxers. Harry was trying to stifle the alarm growing inside him and looked around for any clues of what might have happened. From the fact that Sirius was fully dressed and that his own arse wasn't sore Harry deduced that he didn't have sex with the firmly heterosexual Sirius and for that he was glad.

Further inspection showed that across from him, Remus was lying on his own bed, face down and buck naked with, strangely enough, a red bulls eye painted across his left butt-cheek. On the other side of the room he got a glimpse of Lily and James entwined on James' bed and the only part he could see of Peter was his feet pocking from under his bed.

Harry groaned and started the head-splitting task of removing Sirius' limbs from him and getting up. He staggered to the bathroom, grabbed a towel and blindingly felt his way along the wall until he stumbled into one of the shower stalls.

The hot water cascading down his naked back was a blessing, and Harry lowered his head, letting the jet massage his nape and shoulders when he saw his own chest. Across the bare chest and abdomen were marks, crudely painted lines and circles and swirls in an array of colours that made Harry's torso look like a human canvas. He turned around carefully to wash himself up, doing his best to keep his balance, when a warm pair of hands slid down his back. Harry tried to stifle a cry as a sleep and whiskey coated voice sounded in his ear,

"Gods you're beautiful, just like this." Remus was leaning against his lover, pressing his body close to the other teen.

"What the hell happened last night?" Harry groaned and turned in Remus' arms, leaning his back against the cold tile,

"I'm not sure�" The two shared a small smile and Remus hands slid down Harry's torso, where the evident of colours was still fresh enough, "I think these are supposed to be edible colours," He said and bent down to run his tongue over Harry's nipple, causing the other to arch before he stood up again looking somewhat ill, "But then again, they might not be�" He complained loudly and stuck his tongue under the water stream. Harry sniggered and cupped Remus' face, bringing him in for a kiss.

Together they washed each other from the paint residue, kissing and moaning and swirling in the tiny shower cubicle trying to stay under the hot spray the longest.

"I'm hungry." Remus announced, "How about we nip down to the kitchen and ask the elves for some grab?" Harry felt his stomach churning at the mention of food,

"How can you be hungry? I feel like I'm about to throw up all over the place and you think of food?"

"Well, a growing boy can't survive on protein alone�" Remus said cheerfully and Harry covered his mouth in repulsion,

"Ok, that was gross!" Remus smiled broadly and kissed Harry's wet hair, before turning the taps off. Harry snatched his towel and wrapped it around his waist, before stepping out and heading for the sinks. Remus followed him, rivulets of water cascading down his wet body, which was glistening in the steamy shower, completely unfazed by the fact that he was naked as the day he was born.

"Oh, gods what a night�" Harry watched the disheveled form of Lily walking into the shower room yawning wide. Beside him he could feel Remus drawing near to him, trying to hide his naked form behind Harry.

"Lily! What are you doing here?" Remus snapped at her, turning Harry slightly to make him into a human shield. Lily blinked at him owlishly before she looked around her, finally realizing she wasn�t in the girls' dorms.

"Oh, oops." She said and strode into the room, completely ignoring the two flabbergasted boys and headed to the nearest sink.

"Lily!" Remus cried out, but the girl didn't give any indication that she was going to leave, in fact she transfigured a piece of soap into a yellow and green stripped toothbrush. "At least throw me a towel!" He scolded. Lily sauntered to the large stack of white fluffy towels and threw one at Harry's head all the while brushing her teeth. Harry caught the towel a split second before it hit his face and passed it back to Remus. He could feel the wriggling behind him, indicating that Remus was putting the towel to good use but he couldn't tear his eyes away from his mother, standing there casually with her rumpled clothes and brushing her teeth like it's an ordinary day at the tower.

Harry and Remus watched as Lily finished brushing her teeth and terminated the spell on the soap, before she yawned wide again and smiled sweetly at them. Without a word she left the bathroom behind and Harry felt like a spell was lifted off him. He made a quick job at cleaning his teeth and face and together with Remus he went back to the room, crawling into Harry's bed and tossing the towels on the floor.
--HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR-HR--

A/N: According to hp-lexicon, Lily's birthday is on the 30.01.1960, but on January 1978 it falls on Monday so the big party actually took place on Saturday the 28th. Not extremely important, but still�

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