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Nova Cupiditas	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 37323 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

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Chapter Sixteen�Lucky
Number

�� Harry knew
that he had been right. He knew that he had done the best thing he could, casting
the spell that ended Draco�s unnatural love for him. He had thought about the
emotion that made Draco hold and touch him like that, and known that it
couldn�t be only lust, or Draco would have simply shoved himself inside Harry,
the way that he almost had that first time in the meadow. It couldn�t be only
jealousy, or Draco would have acted more rational and demanded reassurances
that Harry was over any lover. And Draco had talked about it being love.

�� So Harry
had used the spell that he had wrought himself, a variation of the common spell
to end incantations, which had some power to ease the hold of love potions and make
people think more rationally when they�d been hit by some of George�s pranks
that induced infatuation. And it had worked.

�� Draco sat,
in a thicker and less transparent robe now, on the couch near the fireplace of
the drawing room, head turned away, and barely said a word when Harry sat down
next to him, but it had worked.

�� I think
this is what�s happened,� Harry said, and sipped from the hot chocolate that he
had found and made in the kitchen. He had asked Draco if he wanted some, but
Draco had refused with a mute shake of his head. �The curse has at least three
parts. I don�t know if the third part grew from the other two, or was always
there and I didn�t see it at first, but it�s present. Lust,
jealousy, and love.�

�� Draco
tensed and still didn�t answer. Of course, Harry could understand that. His
mind reeled when he thought about what they had been through in the last few
days, and if he would be a long time in recovering from his own new scars, he
could only imagine what would happen before Draco could
overcome his.

�� I thought
it was probably the love that had taken over from the lust and the jealousy,
since you were acting so differently,� he said. �I used the spell that ought to
neutralize that part of the curse for a brief time. And it worked.�

�� Draco
turned to face at him at last. He was clutching the pillow he�d sat next to
close to his chest, and he had a shattered look in his eyes that Harry
remembered from times that he�d tried to stand up to
Dudley. Harry winced again, but took a deep breath. He owed this to Draco, at
least, for not concentrating on the curse, for not taking precautions to ensure
that Draco couldn�t curse him before now, for playing around and hesitating
rather than doing what needed to be done.

�� You never
believed that I loved you,� Draco whispered.

�� Harry
winced, but shook his head. If they were going to have to start over again from
the beginning, it would be just as well to be honest from that beginning, and show Draco what he really felt and
thought. �No. Not when it came on so fast, when your
original feelings for me were so different, and when the curse was there. And
because I�I wanted it to be true,� he added hesitantly. He tried to laugh a
little. �I know how that must make me look. Who wants to be loved by someone
they�re trying to help, someone who needs their
care and compassion instead? It�s pure selfishness. But that�s the way I
felt. I wanted it to be real, and that�s part of how I knew it wasn�t.�

*

�� Draco
stared steadily at Harry. He could feel the great emptiness in him where the
love had been rebounding from the clash of other emotions, but it wasn�t either
lust or jealousy that was trying to overpower him now. It was pure frustration.

�� I was wrong about him enjoying the attention
in school. He�s not a big-headed hero. He�s a masochistic little pissant
instead, who doesn�t believe that he deserves anything and distrusts all his
desires.

�� Rationally,
Draco knew that he should be grateful for those traits. It meant he hadn�t been
raped. It meant that, if Harry could cure the curse, than he would have one
less bad memory when he went back to trying to live a normal life.

�� But he
didn�t feel that way. He wished Harry had let them sleep together. He wished he
knew what it was like to feel the heat inside Harry that he had been dreaming
of so intensely. He wished that he could have what he wanted because of the
curse�Harry�s loyalty and devotion in return for his own�and also what Harry
wanted for him, freedom from the curse and to govern his own actions.

�� Yes, it
didn�t make a great deal of sense. That didn�t matter. Draco still knew what he
wanted, and it wasn�t the compromise Harry offered.

�� Harry was
wearing a complete set of clothes, Transfigured and altered from ones that
Draco had left here. Draco could see, in one way, why he�d wanted to put them
on, but then again, it wasn�t cold in the cottage. The clothes were a barrier
of cloth between them, one that Harry seemed to think he would always need.

�� To keep his
teeth from grinding, Draco asked, �But how does that lead you to knowledge of
how to cure the curse?�

�� I started
thinking about the way the curse looked,� Harry answered, lowering his mug of
hot chocolate to his lap so that he could gesture with one hand. Draco wanted
to take that hand in his, lap between the fingers, and then suck
them until Harry was begging. He had suffered the torments of denial; Harry
should, too. �The pieces on your shoulders, the jagged ones I think are the
jealousy, look like puzzle pieces. There are open spaces between the tendrils
that entwine your head from the lust, too, and that coiling thing�the false
love�leaves gaps. I think I can design a spell that will exploit those gaps,
wrench them apart.�

�� Fit a
spell into the gaps like a piece into a puzzle,� Draco said flatly. He made
himself listen to the words and the concept behind them, how dry it was, how
unromantic. He hadn�t wanted it to be unromantic. He had imagined that he might
end the spell by convincing Harry that Draco really loved him.

�� The love
was gone now. But the anger remained, and the hope that felt pathetic and
fragile without that false love to support it.

�� Harry gave
him a pleased smile and nodded. �Exactly! I think it
will take more than one try, and I�ll have to experiment a lot with static
fields of magic and other spells to hold them in place. But we�ll get there
eventually, Draco.� He hesitated, then reached out and squeezed Draco�s knee.
�You�ve been so brave,� he added softly, as though Draco was an old dog with an
injured leg. �But we�ll get you free.�

�� That�s not
what I want,� Draco said.

�� Harry�s
face tumbled through a complicated mixture of expressions, then
settled on staring disbelief. �What?�

�� What I
want,� Draco said, �is you looking at me the way I
looked at you. Is you writhing under me and calling my name out, choked by your
own sobs of pleasure. Is you away from anyone else,
forever, kept far away from them, held there for me. Do you understand?�

�� Harry
lowered his eyes and nodded. He looked so uncomfortable, so pitying, that Draco wanted to strike
him. �I know. I understand. That�s the three components of the spell talking,
and I know that��

�� That�s
what I feel,� Draco interrupted him,
reaching out and curling his fingers around Harry�s wrist. �I don�t care if
it�s false. I don�t care if I wouldn�t feel that except for the curse. That�s
what I feel right now, and I want you to respect it.�

*

�� Harry took
a deep, conflicted breath. He didn�t�well, he knew what Draco meant, but he had
no idea what he could say to it.

�� He couldn�t
pretend the curse was real, and that the love it inspired in Draco was a
beautiful thing rather than a problem. The spell he had used was temporary, and
had only worked because the false love was the emotion dominating Draco
strongly then, rather than lust or jealousy. The way Draco immediately altered
towards him told Harry that the �love� was all the
curse�s fault.

�� I want him to be the real person he should
be. At the moment, he�s convinced that that�s this cursed one who�s in love with
me, but he�ll realize better when I end the curse.

�� Does that
mean that you won�t let me experiment with the magic I need to end the curse?�
he asked carefully. He pulled his wrist back into his own lap. Draco�s hand
came with it, which meant that Draco ended up leaning closer to Harry.

�� Harry had
to close his eyes. He hadn�t properly smelled Draco, before, caught up as he
was in the reactions of his own body, and, before that, protected by the Cold
Water Curse. It filled his nostrils like the heavy scent of roses now, and
Harry had to keep his mouth shut so that he wouldn�t ruin a serious moment by
letting slobber spill over his tongue.

�� No,� Draco
said. �I�ll let you do that.� He turned his head and breathed on Harry�s earlobe,
which was dizzying and stupid. Harry
couldn�t contemplate why he wanted Draco so much when he knew the source of
that longing and Draco�s feelings towards him. Draco might think they were
real; Harry never could. �But in the meantime, I want you to treat me as if I
were an adult and not a child.�

�� I need to
protect you,� Harry said, forcing his eyes open and pulling back a little. That
much, he thought he could do. �You can�t�don�t deny me that, Draco.�

�� Draco�s
eyes widened and then grew dark again as he smiled. �Now you know how it
feels,� he murmured, �to be frustrated.�

�� Harry
sighed and, this time, took Draco�s fingers from his wrist. �Listen,� he said.
�You have to keep in mind how much the curse has changed you. I doubt that you
would ever want me if you were in your right mind, even if you saw me naked. Do
you remember a lover that you had? I don�t know if you had one or not.�

�� No one for a while.� Draco�s gaze was immovable. �You�re
not doing as I ask. Treat me like this is real.�

�� Then I
can�t do as you ask,� Harry said, and made sure that his eyes were steady. �I
have to think of the curse first, rather than keeping you comfortable.� He
gestured around at the house. �Thinking of your comfort before ending the curse
is what got us into this mess in the first place.�

*

�� Draco tore
himself away, although his skin ached when he stopped touching Harry. He paced
back and forth in front of the couch, and Harry watched him with his smug
little purity and moral righteousness clutched to him like a toy doll.

�� Draco spun
back towards him and launched the words that he needed to speak, whether or not
they made a difference. Knowing Harry, they probably wouldn�t.

�� You�re
being absurd, Harry. How many people out of a thousand, out of a million, would
think and act the way you�re thinking and acting right now? You distrust
everything I say. You want me to go back to being some ideal Draco Malfoy,
someone you don�t know, rather than
letting me be who I am right now. You�re just as bad as the people who cursed
me in your own way.� (The mention of the Seekers of Justice reminded Draco of
the people he had left bound and sleeping in the meadow, which did nothing for
his temper). �Nothing about me is worthwhile unless you�ve processed it though
your stubborn mind.�

�� Harry took
a shaky breath and looked away. Draco watched him, hating and hungering for the
sight of his face.

�� Listen,�
Harry said finally. Draco listened closely to his tone, but couldn�t tell just
from that whether it would be another stupid denial or not, so he let Harry
proceed for now. �I don�t know�Draco, I really don�t know what�s you and what�s not. But I do know that I don�t want to
find out I hurt you later, after you�re free of the curse, because I didn�t
respect your dignity sufficiently or witnessed your humiliation.�

�� You�re
hurting me now,� Draco said.

�� Harry
pulled at his hair. �Oh, fuck,� he said. �There�s no way to do this.� He
started to rise from the couch, with that agitated manner that Draco knew meant
he would stride out of the room.

�� He took a
casual step towards the door, not really putting himself in Harry�s way but
ensuring Harry would have to pass close to him to get out. �Listen to me, Harry,� he said. �There�s
a way to do this, if you stop thinking about the future and think about the
present. I�ll cooperate with you so that you can work on ending the curse, yes.
But it would be better and easier for both of us if you stop thinking that
something is wrong with you for not being perfect, and with me for not being
disdainful of you.�

�� Harry
stopped and stared at him. Then he said, �You mean that. As far as I can tell,
given that you�re still under the curse, you really mean that.�

�� Draco
fought to keep from rolling his eyes. �Yes, I do.� He reached out and cupped
his hand gently around Harry�s cheek, smoothing his thumb back and forth, up
and down. It was a struggle not to take more, but given what he would gain if
he could just get Harry to believe him, he would restrain himself. �Are you
going to help me, or help this ideal
that you�ve impressed into your stubborn brain?�

*

�� Harry
rubbed the back of his neck, trying to use it as a counterpoint to the smooth
caress Draco was inflicting on his face, trying to wake up from the daze that caress threatened to cast him into.

�� But it was
practically useless. Harry knew that Draco was right. He had decided, without
thinking about it or asking Draco�s input, that he would just have to do the
opposite of whatever Draco demanded. But even that was a promise he hadn�t
kept, because he had listened to Draco�s objections and taken them seriously.

�� And he
couldn�t bear the thought of hurting the man he had come to know more than he
already had. He would just have to keep in mind that Draco�s attitude was likely to change when the curse was
gone, and that no matter how much it hurt, Harry would have to let him go and
return to his normal life.

�� All
right,� he said. The words were thick and blocky in his throat. Harry cleared
that and forced them out. �Fine. Let�s go back to my
house, then. Ron and Hermione will be frantic, and we�ll have to use my lab and
my notes.� He paused then. �What did you do with the Muggleborns who cursed
you?�

�� Draco
smiled. The smile flashed across his face and then lighted his eyes like the
sun casting rays before it on the water. Harry shook his head and told himself
not to be so stupidly poetic. Draco touched his cheek once more before he
stepped away. He was moving more easily, Harry thought, and he didn�t think it
had to do with the potion that Draco had taken for his bruises earlier. It came
from confidence that Harry was no longer looking to run out the door as soon as
he possibly could.

�� Harry bit
his lip. He had a silent, fervent hope that Draco would really value this moment
later as much as he seemed to right now, rather than cursing himself because
he�d had a chance to distance himself from Harry and didn�t take it.

�� Hmmm.� Draco rotated his head on his neck. �I left them
bound, asleep, and invisible. I should go there soon to renew the sleeping
charms, but we can go back and question them whenever we like.�

�� Harry
frowned. �And you don�t think anyone will raise a clamor because so many of
their relatives have disappeared at once?�

�� Draco
snorted. �If they�re all Muggleborn, their relatives are outside the wizarding
world, and won�t realize they�re gone for several days, most likely. If they�re
not, or if they have friends who might be looking for them, I think those
friends will be sensible enough to keep quiet.� Then he paused, raising his
eyebrows, and added, �And if they�re not, then that�s another trail we can
follow to them.�

�� Harry
nodded. �Why don�t you go renew the sleeping charms? I�ll go to my house.�

�� Make sure
that you have both Weasley and Granger with you at all times,� Draco said,
drawing his wand.

�� Afraid that they might try to snatch me again?� Harry
asked. �I would hope that the other members of the group wouldn�t know what�s
happened yet.�

�� No,� Draco
said, and his eyes slid all the way down into blackness. �Because,
if both of them are with you, you�re unlikely to be having sex with the other.�

�� Harry
nodded, keeping all the objections that he could have voiced to himself. This
was the way it was, while Draco was under the curse.

�� No longer than that.

*

�� Draco
appeared on the grass of the meadow and cast the charm that would reveal the
sleeping forms to him. Already some of them were stirring and grumbling, though
Draco wasn�t greatly bothered by that. He had taken their wands away, and they
weren�t going anywhere without them. They didn�t have the strength that the
curse gave him sometimes, to reach out and snatch his wand back when he needed
it.

�� And they won�t enjoy Harry�s company,
either.

�� Draco bared
his teeth. If he reached back to his memories of life before the curse, he knew
that he wouldn�t find such viciousness. Oh, yes, sometimes he had wished for
the power to hurt his enemies, the way that anyone else would, but he hadn�t
actually put it into practice. It was a matter of reading Dark Arts book and
idle daydreams.

�� And now he
had used those spells, in many cases for the first time.

�� Draco paced
among the sleeping forms, renewing the charm, and feeling touches of hatred and
anger like the pawing of heavy hands, urging him to use those spells again.
Harry had been distraught when he�d finished the battle. He wouldn�t notice if
one of their victims went missing. His nostrils flared with the thought, and
his wand seemed to orient itself on the chest of the sleeping Ariadne Kitchen of its own free will.

�� No, Draco thought. I can�t do that and expect Harry to continue to take me seriously.
He�ll just decide that�s one more sign that I�m more disturbed than he likes by
the curse, and he won�t listen to me.

�� So in the
end, Draco simply renewed the sleeping charms and then Apparated
back to Harry�s house. As he ducked in through the door, past the wards that
were still weakened enough to welcome him, he heard raised voices. He rolled
his eyes. Only Weasley and Granger would great the story of Harry�s kidnapping
with a row.

�� When he
stepped through the doorway into the drawing room, two wands turned to train on
him. Harry�whose body burned in Draco�s sight like a firework�reached out a
commanding hand.

�� Draco,
please give me your wand,� he said.

�� Why don�t
you tell me a bit more about what�s going on first?� Draco asked, and leaned
back on the doorway to await events.

*

�� Harry,
he�s mad and dangerous.�

�� You can�t
let him hurt you again, mate. Frankly, I�m surprised that you let him get away
with it this long.�

�� I still
think that you should take him to St. Mungo�s.� Hermione�s face was pinched and
earnest. �But if you really don�t want to, then at least take his wand away, so
that he can�t hurt anyone else when you start testing him.�

�� Ron had
said nothing in response to that, but nodded so hard that a moment later he
cursed softly and rubbed the back of his neck.

�� And so
Harry had reluctantly yielded to their suggestions, and promised that he would ask
for Draco�s wand the moment he came back in. He�d told them some more details
about the Seekers of Justice and what had happened in Draco�s house as they
waited.

�� But not everything. Not nearly everything. Nothing about how Draco had tortured the Muggleborns and killed so
many of them, and nothing about how he and Draco had nearly raped each other.

�� There were
some things that he simply couldn�t tell his friends right now and hope to have
them understand. Harry was sorry for that, but he tried to pin the blame where
it belonged�on the people who had cast the curse in the first place�and simply
asked for Draco�s wand when he came in. Ron and Hermione were still urging him
to do more than that, but they settled for shutting up and pointing their wands
at Draco instead.

�� Why don�t
you tell me a bit more about what�s going on first?� Draco�s voice was
deceptively mild, his eyes calm and bright. He held the hawthorn wand in a
loose, relaxed grip, as if he wasn�t sure about what he should do with it, but
Harry could see the way his fingers tightened when Ron stepped closer.

�� We have to
restrain you,� Ron said. �I know that you did something to Harry, no matter how
much he just says that you had a discussion.�

�� I see,�
Draco said, and his eyes came back to Harry�s, �Have you agreed to this?�

�� As long as
you can stay rational, then you don�t have to be restrained,� Harry said. �But
I do need your wand, and I do have to restrain you if you start losing your
senses. Tie you up, maybe.� He hadn�t done that because he had thought it would
hurt Draco and because he had believed the wards were sufficient. He tried to
keep his voice firm now, so that Draco would know that he was actually
considering it.

�� Hmm,�
Draco said. �More promising than I expected from you, Harry.� He tossed his
wand underhanded, and Harry had to scramble to catch it, he was so shocked. Ron
looked not much less shocked, but Hermione had a suddenly thoughtful
expression.

�� In what way?� Harry had to ask. �Because you didn�t think
that I�d protect myself?�

�� Draco
laughed in his throat, and once again his happiness brightened his eyes like a
running wildfire. �No. Because it might mean that you�re open to certain
things, later, once the curse is removed.�

�� Harry
caught his breath, and then told himself not to be stupid. He still knew that
Draco�s mind would change after the curse. He might not hate Harry�he�d certainly stayed away from him well after the war
for someone who hated him�but he wouldn�t want to have sex.

�� Get your mind off your groin, Harry
scolded himself a moment later. He�s
under a curse that makes him lust after you. What�s your excuse?

�� Then again,
listening to the buzz of Draco�s laugh in his throat and seeing the gleam of
his hair as he turned his head, Harry wasn�t sure that he needed an excuse.

�� Come down
to the lab,� he said, a bit harshly, and led the way, making sure to cast a few
charms on Draco�s wand that ought to prevent it from flying out of his hand
even if Draco Summoned it.

*

�� Draco used
the trip to the lab to watch Harry�s arse and dream. There was no law against
dreaming, no matter how much Harry liked to pretend there was.�

*

�� Review
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