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Let Love In	By : Kimmimaru Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Remus/Sirius Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or settings by JK Rowling. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Chapter Sixteen: Thrice Defied

Through the chaos, the smoke, the shouts...they all heard the voice. It drifted on the wind, all at once, cold and challenging. Sirius froze and looked around, eyes wide as he searched for the source of the mysterious voice.

Remus felt a chill down his spine. He had slipped down the wall, wand up and pointing into the masked face of a Death Eater. The voice was everywhere...and no where...

The voice addressed only two people.

"I admire your bravery, you fight well and you are strong. However, I must address only two people. James and Lily Potter...I have come with an offer for you. You are both strong, powerful people, and I have taken your numerous abilities into consideration. I ask you now: Will you join me? Think this through carefully and make your decision wisely."

It wasn't long before they heard a loud, clear laugh fill the brief silence. Sirius felt his grin resurface and Remus tipped his head back against the wall laughing to himself.

The dust cleared and revealed James standing on top of a large pile of rubble, his wand pointing directly at a tall, dark clad figure's back. "You must be a total fool if you think I am going to join you!" James declared loudly, grinning like a maniac. Sirius watched as the figure turned and his hooded face looked up at James.

"Then you have made your decision...such a shame to spill even more pure blood, but sacrifices must be made if we are to cleanse this world of what ails us. James Potter, you must die." The green light shot from the end of Voldemort's wand, James Dissaparated with a loud pop, only to reappear behind the Dark lord, he shot a spell at him, but it was deflected. The fight was intense, James deflecting curses so strong he was being forced backwards. No one else was fighting, all eyes were glued to the pair, duelling in the blood spattered streets. James' face had fallen from a smile into a frown and now he was concentrating so fiercely he was gritting his teeth, he stumbled backwards slightly, regaining his balance quickly and dodging the Killing Curse.

Without warning a cloud of daggers flew from nowhere, hitting Voldemort, but...to everyone's horror he seemed to turn into smoke and the daggers passed right through him as he reappeared somewhere behind James. James had time to spin around, losing his balance and falling to the floor just as another, blue jet of light shot over his head and surrounded Voldemort in a glowing ball. It rose higher and higher before exploding into thousands of tiny fragments. James had stood and he gazed up to where Voldemort hovered in the sky, shrieking furiously. Lily ran up to her husband and they clasped hands, Lily had a cut on her face which bled but she was smiling shakily. They raised their wands and fired spells in unison. The light scattered, falling in amongst the crowd of watching Order members and Death Eaters.

Lily stumbled slightly but James caught her around the waist with his free arm. Voldemort seemed like a giant bat, hovering above them, those deadly crimson eyes searing the very air which crackled with so much magic it was almost painful. There was a crack and an explosion that made James fall, he pushed Lily down and covered her with his body, looking around desperately for his opponent.

He came at them, a black shape through clouds of dust and debris. James put up a shield which shattered like glass when the shape hit it, James was thrown into the air and he landed with a crunch, his wrist snapping like a rubber band. His scream bounced from the walls as he rolled onto his back gasping and holding his damaged hand to his chest as he blinked to try and clear his head. Then he found himself gazing up into cold eyes, a wand pointed at his face...

Voldemort smiled but before he could speak the words that would kill James, something hit him in the back and he stumbled. He spun around and saw her; she stood tall, red hair flying around her pretty face, green eyes narrowed in fury as she began muttering under her breath, an incantation. Light whipped around her and she lifted her wand, hair blowing back from her face with the sheer force of the spell. Voldemort managed to conjure a shield so it bounced off with a loud, echoing gong. He laughed as he threw curse after curse, none of them hitting her as she deflected and dodged, using blocks of stone to take the spells for her. She ran around, drawing the Dark lord away from her husband while he rolled to his feet, grabbing his wand in one fluid movement.

The curse he used was so strong several blocks of stone melted, windows shattered and glass scattered around the spectators like fairy dust.

Sirius felt the stone at his feet shatter and he stumbled backwards as a Death Eater snarled, firing purple light at him. He blocked it and retaliated, his own spell hitting the man squarely in the chest, he flew across the battle field and landed with a nasty crack before lying still in a pool of his own blood.

Remus surged to his feet, making a sharp slashing movement with his wand. His own opponent screamed as he fell to his knees and Remus shot light right between his eyes so he fell forward and breathed no more. He turned on his heels and ran closer to the main fight, his eyes searched everywhere for his friends as he ducked flying curses but finally he found them. Sirius was locked in a battle so fierce the very air seemed to heat up with the force of his spells...Remus knew he was fighting his cousin, simply by looking at the utter fury in his face. Bellatrix was laughing madly as she hit Sirius with something that made him fall back, gripping his arm and gasping. Remus turned to the main battle, Lily and James gripped hands as they sent spells soaring at Voldemort who was giving as good as he got. There was a sudden clang that ran through the air and a rush of searing wind. Remus winced as it washed over him and saw James standing tall, Lily being held firmly behind him as the spell forced Voldemort backwards. James panted heavily, eyes bright and clear yet filled with fury.

"BITCH!" Sirius roared, and with a great big flash of white light Bellatrix screamed as she was thrown backwards into a wall. Sirius advanced, wand pointing at her, eyes glowing as bright as Bella's. She had lost her mask and now she sat, grinning up at her younger cousin.

"Go on, Sirius...kill me! You know the spell..." She taunted him.

Remus's eyes widened slowly as he watched Sirius sneer and raise his wand. "You'll be worth shattering my soul for." He said in a low, but carrying voice. He took a breath but before he could utter the words an awful, head splitting shriek filled the air making everyone wince.

James, panting heavily and standing over his unconscious mate, was watching Voldemort screaming as he disappeared with a pop. There was a loud, ringing silence before the living Death Eaters realised what had happened and began Dissapparating along with their master. Sirius screamed in frustration as he watched his cousin laughing in his face as she too disappeared.

James fell to his knees, gasping and clutching his side. He closed his eyes briefly before looking down into Lily's face, he stroked hair from her face and kissed her forehead. "Lily?" he whispered.

Her green eyes flickered and she moaned softly before opening her eyes fully to see James as white as a sheet so his hair stood out in stark contrast. He smiled weakly. "We did it..." He muttered. "He's gone...for now." Lily sat up, embracing her husband and kissing him everywhere she could reach. James reciprocated, ignoring the agony in his side and wrist as he slid hands into her hair whispering devotion to her over and over. "We're alive...we're alive...we're alive..."

Sirius stood still, panting heavily, he spat blood to the floor, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth as he glared at the spot Bella had been. Remus sighed, falling to the floor and shoving fingers into his hair. The whole street was silent as people gazed around in stunned wonder. The dead lay scattered across the floor and Sirius was the first to stumble over to a corpse and roll it over to see if it was friend or foe. The dead they piled into a corner, their friends awaiting burial and the unknown Muggles awaited identification by the Muggle liaison staff of the Ministry. Sirius picked through the wreckage, every time he spotted someone he knew he felt violently sick and had to force himself to drag their mutilated bodies from the rubble. Remus helped him, they worked in silence as others tended the wounded and worked elsewhere.

The silence was oppressive, Sirius paused in his work and took a slow shuddery breath, blood covered his hands and he had smeared some across his face which had dust stuck to it. His hair looked grey and Remus realised he looked older than he'd ever seen him, he looked as if he had aged twenty years in the last few hours and he looked down at his own blood soaked hands as he thought about those he had killed. He saw the eyes behind the masks widen as they fell backwards...he covered his face, shaking violently and gritting his teeth. Suddenly he felt arms around him, Sirius was next to him, pressing his forehead to his shoulder. "We'll win." Sirius whispered, bloody fingers gripping a handful of Remus's hair. "We have to win." Remus could only nod weakly. They stayed like that for a long time, Marlene McKinnon walked over to them, she handed them some water in a shaking hand and they thanked her before downing it and returning to their work.

That night, Remus tried to sleep but found he couldn't. He rolled over and gazed up at the dark ceiling, watching all those people he had dug out of the ruined street pass through his mind like a morbid play. Finally he got up, bare toes curling on the cold wooden floors as he made his way towards Sirius's room.

The room was pitch black, and Remus gazed at Sirius's empty bed assuming he had left him again but just as he was about to turn around he caught the acrid scent of smoke. He looked around and saw Sirius huddled in a corner, his eyes highlighted by the cigarette he was smoking. His fingers shook violently as he drew the little white stick away from his lips. His knees were drawn into his chest and he sat there, suddenly looking so young, so very young and vulnerable. Remus walked towards him, sitting at his side and resting his head on his shoulder. "We're too young for this." He croaked softly and closed his eyes.

"We're too old to ignore it." Sirius replied, his voice cracking as he lowered his head to his knees. Remus couldn't deny that either so he stayed silent.

After a while, as he watched the sky lighten outside, he stirred and Sirius looked up at him as he made to stand. Suddenly he was grabbed and dragged to the floor, a hot mouth was devouring his, fingers were in his hair and that skilful tongue ran across his teeth. With a deep moan Sirius pulled away, pressing his forehead to Remus'. "I...I'm..." he began but Remus cut him off by pressing a light kiss to his lips.

"Whatever you say, Sirius, you know how I feel...you know that no matter what I'm bound to you." He whispered. Sirius gazed at him, there was such soul destroying grief in those steely depths that Remus felt his heart break even when Sirius lowered his head and began biting at his throat. He arched into Sirius's touch gasping slightly as fingers gripped him tightly by the hips.

The floor was hard beneath their tangled bodies, Sirius moved in an erratic rhythm as Remus gasped and moaned beneath him, sharp nails drawing bloody marks into his skin. Sirius's mouth was like fire on Remus's flesh as he gazed up at the lightening ceiling. His nerves buzzed, his head swam as he held onto his lover for all he was worth, his teeth finding Sirius's lip and biting it, making Sirius gasp in pain as he jerked his hips making Remus arch right off the floor. "Fuck..." Sirius muttered, burying his face in the crook of Remus's neck, running his tongue down it to encase a nipple. Remus's fingers grasped desperately at his hair as he made a strangled noise.

Sweat ran down Sirius's spine, he moved hard and fast, trying to touch and memorise every inch of Remus's scarred skin. He ran his fingers across his chest, lifted his legs up as he moved deeper. Remus whispered Sirius's name in a chant, almost like a prayer as he felt his orgasm rocket through him with an intensity that made his eyesight blur. Sirius fell onto his hands as he felt Remus tighten around him, he groaned heavily as his orgasm knocked all sense from him.

Finally they fell to the floor, panting and gasping as they heard birds through the half open window. Sirius blinked tiredly, turning to Remus and dragging his head close. He kissed him slowly, his tongue moving across his bottom lip as he drew away. Remus climbed to his feet and went into the bathroom to clean up...Sirius wasn't an idiot. He saw the way Remus avoided his eyes. He gazed up at the ceiling, hands on either side of his head as he stared into space. He could feel it. A great dark cloud of evil thoughts encroaching on him, threatening to steal away the wonderful tingle Remus had left across his skin. He closed his eyes, hearing Remus wash and then he stood. He grabbed his jeans, slipping them over his hips and pushed his feet into a pair of boots before slinging a shirt on and grabbing the keys to his motorbike.

Remus stepped out of the bathroom and was unsurprised to see that Sirius was missing. He felt his heart clench again and he fell to the floor, covering his face in his hands, desperately trying to fight off the scream that wanted to tear its self free of his throat...

Sirius lay in the alley way where the men had left him, his silver eyes blank. He could feel the abrasions of their rough fingers all over his skin and it made him wish he could throw up. After a long moment he climbed to his feet, yanking his tattered jeans up and stepping out into the street. He stumbled and fell into a wall, hiding his face in his hands and choking back his shame and the violent self hatred that tore at him. He could see Remus's eyes, full of pain and anguish. He was nineteen years old, a young man...but he felt so much older. His body ached with a weariness that went beyond the physical and his heart felt as if it had withered and died. He slid down the wall and sat there, by the busy road. People passed him without a second glance; just another useless junkie, probably high and with nowhere to go.

Remus sat curled up in Sirius's bed, gazing out the window, wandering where his friend had gone and if he was alright. He tightened his grip around his knees as the day turned from morning into afternoon and slowly the night time drew in like a cloak that covered the sky. Remus finally fell sideways and closed his eyes, wishing, with everything he had, that Sirius would come back again. He tried so hard to believe what James had said, that Sirius would always return home...but somewhere, in the darkest part of his mind he knew that one day he wouldn't and he knew that that would be the day he died inside.

Voldemort went after Lily and James twice more, each time they beat him off, escaping with their lives. On that last time they took refuge with Remus and Sirius who gladly put them up temporarily.

The Order was dwindling. Friends died, allies were injured. There was so much blood now that Sirius couldn't even see his own path, it was clouded by uncertainty. They were beaten back, their attacks shattered, and yet they fought on. Albus rallied them all, they always returned to the meetings, they always did their parts and did them well. It soon became so bad that Sirius was no longer bothered when he lifted yet another corpse from a ruined building, or when he found himself gazing into blank, lifeless eyes...he no longer felt the need to throw up. It was just another part of life.

One day Sirius thought about the fact that they were slowly but surely being defeated. The Order was bordering on complete destruction, but they had to hold on, because they were the last line of defence against a total Ministry take over. He gazed at the picture they had taken, the whole order, together with smiles on their faces. Lily's face flushed with the dancing and the cold, James's broad smile as he looped his arm around his wife's waist. Sirius's happy, cocky smile, Remus's quiet contentment...it all shone from the moving image, the last remnants of their hopes and dreams. Sirius slammed the picture onto its front and turned away.

James smiled less and less, Lily had an almost constant frown of fear and worry on her face and Sirius still managed to swamp himself in drugs and sex. He couldn't escape it anymore, even Remus had stopped trying to get him to stop. Sirius began bringing his sexual encounters into the house, Remus would lie in bed, listening to Sirius's moans, his gasps of pain and his cries as he came. He didn't sleep well at night, instead lay in bed, looking at nothing and wishing that he could be anywhere else...anywhere but with Sirius who seemed intent on destroying himself. But he couldn't leave...he couldn't leave because he still loved him...he loved him with the same, fiery passion. It was only that now, it hurt so much he could feel it twisting his soul, corrupting it and making him bitter. Even when they fucked, he was never able to stop thinking about the last guy Sirius had allowed to touch him, he couldn't stop himself from nearly sobbing into Sirius's neck as he reached his orgasm.

Sirius drifted through a drug induced haze. He hardly remembered what he did on a day to day basis. He would simply lie on the floor, allowing the drugs and the alcohol to send him into a blissful, forgetful day dream. They all knew then...they all knew that they had a spy amongst them...and Sirius could feel it, a wave of violent terror that he would lose everything he held dear...he would lose it all and it would kill him.

The traitor wasn't found. But information was leaked regularly. James refused to believe it, shaking his head at Sirius's insistence that someone in the Order was a spy...he simply told him that the drugs were making him paranoid and that trusting his friends was of the utmost importance. And so Sirius said nothing more about it, not even when James had come to him, face pale and excited on a cold November day to tell him that Lily was going to have a baby...a baby boy.

Sirius smiled appropriately, congratulating his friends, telling them he was happy for them. But he felt dead inside, his emotions were odd, somehow broken...he would feel random moments of intense rage before he returned to his melancholy. He never felt joy, not unless he had his fingers buried in Remus's hair, or was kissing his lips, his throat and anywhere he could reach. He only felt something other than emptiness when Remus's arms held him tightly as he shook and screamed at night because he couldn't stop the nightmares. He only felt that soft warmth when he saw Remus smile...even if it was no longer directed at him, which was why it hurt so much more when he noticed the change in his lover.

Remus became withdrawn, he barely had the strength left to look Sirius in the eyes, eyes that no longer sparkled, eyes that were surrounded by dark circles...eyes that were dead and haunted. He spent more and more time away from their apartment just so he could escape Sirius, he stayed with James and Lily. Lily was a source of comfort he never expected to find and on the nights when Sirius would stumble in through the door, only to collapse in a heap on the floor, shaking and gasping, muttering incoherently, he would go and see her. He would knock on their door, sit in their living room and cry into his hands. Lily would hold him, telling him it was all going to be alright, everything would be fine, because soon they would win the war and be able to resume normal lives...He listened to the lies she told, he listened and for a while, allowed himself hope...

James sat in his living room gazing at Dumbledore in silence. The news was devastating and he was numb with shock...Voldemort was after his child. Voldemort was going to hunt them down and try and take away his reason for living. Lily gripped his hand in hers and they looked at each other, her belly was swollen, as it pressed against her blouse. Her hand covered it in an unconscious gesture of protection, James slipped his fingers through hers and frowned with determination.

"Secret Keeper?" Sirius said, eyes wide as he gazed at James.

James nodded, placing both hands firmly on top of the table and leaning over Sirius who sat with his legs crossed and a cigarette between his fingers. "Please, Padfoot...!" He said almost desperately. His hair was messier than usual, sticking up at all angles from the amount of times he had run fingers through it, he looked exhausted, older than his years and Sirius felt his heart clench. He stood, stubbing his cigarette out in an ashtray before turning his back, he shoved fingers into his hair and took a slow, deep breath.

"I can't James." He said slowly.

"Why?" James sounded shocked and slightly hurt. "You'd be the best person...Pad's, you're my best mate, my brother...please, do this for me...for Lily and for our unborn child!"

Sirius flinched. "Don't try to blackmail me! I can't! James...I'm going to be a horrible Godfather...I'd be an even worse Secret Keeper!" He turned around, grabbing James by the tops of his arms and squeezing so tightly he flinched. "I...I'm sorry." He closed his eyes pressing his forehead to James's. "I can't do it...If you chose me everyone would know straight away...they would...they would know! Can't you see that I'm the obvious choice?"

"Then who? Who else is there...there's no one I trust more than you!" Sirius released him, still keeping one hand firmly on his shoulder. As James looked into his friends eyes he could see the terrible pain, the awful emptiness and it hurt. It hurt to watch as Sirius tried to kill himself slowly. Finally Sirius released him, pacing back and forth. "Well...I could use Remus..."

"No." Sirius looked up, eyes wide. "No...you shouldn't."

"Why?" James looked perplexed.

"Because there's a spy in our midst, James. If...if I lost you...I-I'd..." He winced at the thought and turned away. "Remus is...busy." he said, unwilling to tell James that he was afraid of Remus...he was terrified when he watched him leave the house without even a goodbye...it scared him when he would see him sat reading a book with eyes as dark as his own. He couldn't voice his true fears aloud...James would probably laugh at him, tell him not to be stupid, that he was being paranoid...but the idea had taken hold and it kept nagging and nagging at him...he had driven Remus into the dark...he had driven him to betray the Order. He gazed at the overturned picture and reached for it, slowly he turned it over and found his eyes drawn towards Peter's face as he stood in the shadow of himself and James. "Peter!" He gasped and turned around. "Use Peter!"

"What? Why?" James looked confused. "As much as I trust him Sirius, Peter's not exactly..." He waved his hand around before sighing. "You know..." he shrugged.

"I know, I know...but hear me out! Use Peter but tell no one you're going to use him!" Sirius smiled as his plan formed. "He can be the real secret keeper and you can use me as a decoy! You see, it's fail safe! If they get me, then I won't be able to tell them anything...so there's no chance of betraying you! But Peter will be safe because they'd never think you'd use him!" Sirius's eyes shone and James could almost see his old self there, it was this, more than anything else that convinced him.

"Alright, Sirius...we'll place our safety in his hands."
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