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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 16:

Have you learned your lesson yet, Lucius?

Stomping down to the kitchen just after the noon meal, something that had been shoved under his bedroom door by Severus and Lupin, Lucius was furious. First, there was the ignominy of the situation and being locked in his chambers like a miscreant child. That rankled, it really did! Next was the issue that his poor lads were suffering because they, too, were locked in their cages. They had been able to get out in his room, of course, but all they had to eat was ferret kibble. As the two just didn't like it, going mental when they were fed that, throwing a fit while tossing it out of their cages, it appeared they were now on the brink of starvation. Lying limply in his arms, squeaking in a weak way, they were obviously suffering. So, before he could exact retribution for the situation, he needed to feed his poor starving boys.
Slamming the door to the kitchen open, glaring at everyone seated at the table, he then took his normal seat at the head of it and summoned an elf to bring food for his obviously distressed boys. Taking bits off the plate when it appeared on the table, he managed to coax it into the duo’s mouths as they lay there squeaking weakly in an obviously woebegone manner. “I hope you are happy,” he snarled as he managed to get nutrients into his lads. “They are at the brink because of your insistence that they stay locked in their cages.”
Eying the two obviously malingering devil rodents, Severus snorted then sipped at his drink. “They'll live, Lucius,” he commented dryly. “Especially since they are only playacting. If you would discipline them to where they don't act out, they won't get in trouble then be put in time-out.”
Shaking his head at the acting job being pulled off by the two ginger-colored psychotic menaces, Remus added, “They were in no danger of starving. They had plenty of kibble, we made sure of that.”
“They don't like the kibble,” Lucius snapped, glaring at the man. “There is something about it that makes them mental and they toss it out. They need real food, something you neglected to provide! Now they are at the brink of starvation.”
Snorting at that, Sirius shook his head then said, chuckling, “They're doing nothing but yanking your leash. They didn't have food for only a few hours, not nearly long enough for them to starve. And if they were that hungry, they would have eaten the kibble. Give it up, Malfoy, they are just being emo-ferrets, trying to garner your sympathy, nothing more. When they finish with the act, they'll be right back to where they were and causing just as much insanity.”
Persuading the two to eat more, cooing at them to try to bring them around as they lay limply in his arms, Lucius glared around the table, huffing. His poor boys! No, he would make this up to them. “For the record, I resent being locked in my room like a misbehaving child!”
“Then don't act like one and we won't treat you that way,” Severus said smoothly, smirking as he did.
“Yes,” Remus added with a small smile.
Grinning evilly, Sirius added, nudging Harry, who was starting to chuckle, “I've cut a deal with these two. They each get two bottles of the firewhiskey a day to keep my life as ferret and insanity free as possible. For every day they manage that, I will add in bonus bottles at the end of the week.”
Seeing Lucius' thunderous look, Severus said, “Consider Lupin and I your babysitters, Lucius.”
“That is not right!” Lucius huffed, glaring around. “I do not need a minder!”
“Oh, I beg to differ,” Remus said, chuckling softly. “You need something, Lucius, as the insanity brought on by what you're doing affects every one of us sitting here. Severus and I figure that between us, Kreacher and various other things we're devising, we should get at least a little calm from what's going on. After all, we have plenty of other issues to work on besides the insanity.”
Looking murderous, Lucius then glared at Black before hissing, while persuading his at death's door boys to ingest some more food, “And you were excluding me again! Whatever was going on had more than undertones to it this time!”
“It did, didn't it?” Sirius said, grinning, then sipping at his drink. “We enjoyed it too,” he added, nudging Harry, who was flushed slightly. “Quit behaving like a spoiled brat that demands his way and the worlds biggest pervert then you might get to join in.”
Huffing at that, Lucius asked, really wanting to know so he could envision it for purposes of relief later, “What were you two doing anyway?” He asked, looking between the them, wondering what it was because what he got through the bond was far stronger than anything that had happened in the past. Oh, he needed to know here so he could work with the situation, then prod the two in the direction he wanted them to go.
“None of your damned business,” Sirius said, pushing his now empty cup away and standing. Giving Harry a pat on the back, he said, “Come on, let's go do some flying.”
“Black! I demand to know what you two were doing!” Lucius snarled at the man's retreating back, though enjoying the view of the two as they walked away. Shaking his head when it became readily apparent that they were ignoring him, he huffed, then went back trying to revive his poor boys.
Shaking his head at what he was seeing, Severus took another sip of his drink. “They'll be fine, Lucius. Quit babying them and they'll eat normally then go back to the way they were. This is the same kind of thing Draco used to do when he faked having breathing problems to get his way.”
“I will have you know that my son is delicate and can't take some stressors, Severus,” Lucius told him, tone affronted.
“Lucius, he held his breath until he turned blue, nothing more than that. He doesn't have breathing problems. If he did, he couldn't manage to pull off the whining jags for as long as he does,” Severus told him, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.
Relieved as he watched his two lads coming around a little, showing more life and starting to eat on their own, Lucius said, “From now on, we give them meat, not the kibble. Poor lads. It was right traumatizing for them.”
Shaking his head, Remus said nothing, pondering more measures they could put in place to reduce the madness that seemed to be running rampant. From the way Sirius talked, he had a great deal of that firewhiskey stashed somewhere and he wanted his hands on it.

Flying around, Sirius smacked the Quaffle at Harry, grinning as he did. This was fun! They weren't playing a serious game by any means, just batting balls around and hitting them into the hoops, but they were having a great time doing it. Buckbeak was up in the air as well, flying around a little, enjoying himself. Once in a while, the hippogriff would join in and kick a ball in their direction or chase one. Though you couldn't tell by his expression, it seemed Buckbeak was having fun as well. It had to feel great to get in the air after being cooped up for so long in that room.
Seeing Remus and Snape sitting in the small stands, watching, Sirius motioned for Harry then went over to hover in front of them. Grinning, he asked, “Want to join in? We're having a good time.”
“I may,” Remus said with a nod as he watched Buckbeak swoop around. Seeing Harry join them, he asked, “You're not playing anything formal, are you?”
“Nope, just swatting the balls around. The more the merrier, here,” Harry said then looked towards the house when he heard a noise. Sighing, he shook his head when he saw Lucius come out with the two deranged, psychotic ferrets on leashes. “And here comes the insanity.”
Looking in that direction, seeing the ferrets scampering around on their leashes, Sirius' eyes widened then he glanced at where Buckbeak was circling. “Oh, shite! This isn't going to end well!” Already, the hippogriff seemed to have sensed the ferrets and was honing in, licking his beak. “Fuck!” Taking off, he swooped down towards Lucius and shouted, “Get them in the house unless you want them to become a hippogriff snack! Buckbeak already sees them!”
Head coming up from where he was watching his revived lads and had been chuckling at their antics as they explored the yard, Lucius' eyes widened. Scanning the sky, he went pale when he saw the hippogriff honed in on them. Shaking his head, backing away, he tugged at the leashes, “Come on, Gred and Forge, we need to get you inside.” Oh, this wasn't good and they needed to find shelter indoors before the hippogriff decided they were his normal meal.
Still hovering in front of the stands were Remus and Snape were now standing, Harry said quietly, “Not sure whether to go help here or let Buckbeak have at it. After all, that would get rid of a big problem.”
“That is a rather perplexing quandary,” Severus said, arms folded over his chest, making no move at all to go help the now panicked almost flailing Lucius.
“I think, perhaps, this is one that will sort itself out,” Remus said quietly, watching the action taking place. “If they do come out of it alive, Lucius might get the point to keep a closer eye on them. If not—well, there is the theory of survival of the fittest.”
Ignoring Lucius in favor of looking for something to get into, the ferrets didn't sense the danger they were in until there was a chilling cry from the hippogriff as he started his dive. Looking up then emitting a panicked squeak, the two took off in opposite directions, planning to dive to safety where Buckbeak couldn't get them. However, they were hampered from doing that by the leashes. Quickly they reached the end of them, being yanked up short. They kept straining though, trying to get somewhere safe.
Gasping as the ferrets kept pulling, eyes locked on the dive-bombing feathery menace that approached, Lucius felt like his arms were being yanked off. He had no idea his boys were so strong! Whimpering as death from above approached, he tried pulling them to him while backing towards the door, hoping to get to safety. Stammering, he shouted, “Black! Do something! Calm him down, get him diverted, something, so I can get the boys inside!” Huffing and puffing, he tugged the leashes harder, trying to drag his now fully panicked boys backwards while it felt like he was being drawn and quartered.
Flying up beside Buckbeak, trying to divert him slightly by coaxing him away, talking, though knowing it wouldn't work, Sirius looked at the prat and shouted, “There is no chance, Malfoy! And I'm not getting in his way. You do not get in between a hippogriff and his food if you want to survive.”
Knowing they were in real trouble and the survival instinct taking over, the ferrets did an about-face then dashed back to Lucius. Not used to the leashes, they climbed up his body, circling around him in an effort to find a hiding place. However, in doing that, they were basically tying him up. Squeaking in panic, they tried to get inside his robes to hide.
Hissing as the leashes wrapped around him while he walked backwards, Lucius soon had his legs bound together without realizing it. As his eyes were locked on the hippogriff headed right for him, he tried taking another step backwards but fell, being completely entangled. Squawking as he landed on his back, he watched, wide-eyed, as Buckbeak drew closer. “Black, do something!” He shouted, while trying to get his boys off their leashes and grab his wand at the same time. The problem came in that the ferrets were in full panic mode and were wrapping his arms to his body with the leashes as they tried to hide from impending death, clawing at him to try to burrow into his robes.
Inching backwards as best he could by pushing himself with his feet, muttering about getting grass stains on his good silk robes, Lucius kept his eyes locked on death from above, growing paler with each passing second as Buckbeak drew closer. By now, the hippogriff was so near that the man could see his tongue licking his beak in anticipation of the meal to come.
“And now we do need to help,” Remus said, drawing his wand and taking off out of the stands with Severus following closely behind as the hippogriff started into the dive.
Watching what was going on, shaking his head, Harry sent Kreacher off to get a couple of dead ferrets. When the elf appeared with them, he took them then zoomed off towards Buckbeak. Giving a loud whistle to get the hippogriff's attention, he held one of them up then shouted, “Here, Buckbeak!” Then he tossed it the opposite direction. He wasn't sure it would work, but hoped it distracted the hippogriff long enough that someone could get to Lucius.
Seeing what Harry was doing and that Buckbeak changed directions, heading for the ferret Harry tossed, Sirius zoomed down and landed by Lucius. Vanishing the leashes, he helped the man to his feet then hissed, keeping an eye on where the hippogriff was, “Get them inside, now! We'll take it from here.”
Feeling his boys get inside his robes and cower, shaking, Lucius, trembling himself, backed towards the house, eyes locked on the hippogriff that was going after the ferrets Harry was tossing. Oh, he was going to be buying several special gifts for Harry for getting him out of this debacle. Once he swallowed a couple of bottles of the highest quality brandy he had to steady his nerves, that was!

Seated at the kitchen table, Lucius downed his fourth snifter of brandy, but hadn't stopped shaking yet. That was too close for comfort! Reaching down, he petted the two trembling masses that were the ferrets where they cowered in his robes. His poor lads, they would probably never get over that near-death experience. Even their favorite treat hadn't managed to coax them out of his robes yet. This was not a good day for any of them!
Looking up as he refilled his snifter, he saw the other four come in. Quietly, he asked, “Where is Buckbeak?”
“We have him back in his room,” Sirius said, taking a seat and sending for a beer for himself and a butterbeer for Harry. Glaring at the prat, he said, “And this is what I warned you about! It's why you need to keep a closer eye on them and not let them run amok! Buckbeak would have had no problem ripping you to shreds to get to them and there would be nothing any of us could have done to stop him, Malfoy! Next time, check to see where he is before bringing them outside. He's allowed to get fresh air too, you know.”
Nodding, not having the wherewithal to argue right now, Lucius continued to pet his overly traumatized lads. Looking at Harry, he said, tone not having its usual arrogant bent to it, “What you did was most appreciated.”
Shrugging, Harry said, “No way I could watch you get ripped apart. I did the only thing I could think of.”
Ruffling Harry's hair, Sirius said, “Smart thinking there. I didn't even ponder doing that.”
Nodding, petting his boys, not even hearing them squeak, Lucius sighed and started sipping his drink.
“Just check who's outside next time,” Remus said softly, looking at the pale man. “I do think letting them out on a leash is a good idea. It'll allow them to run off some energy. Just keep in mind they aren't the only animals in this house.”
“I'll remember that,” Lucius said, quietly.
Muttering to where only Harry could hear, Sirius said, “And, for once, I'm going to buy that he will. Nothing like watching your own death and dismemberment approaching from the sky to drive a point home.”
Grinning a little, Harry just nodded.

Lounging in the hot tub long after dark, Harry was leaning against Sirius, sipping a butterbeer. Lucius, traumatized to the utmost, was holed up in his room with the ferrets that wouldn't stop clinging to him and getting drunk. Severus and Remus were across from them in the bubbling water, relaxing in the first truly insanity free night since the whole mess started.
“This is rather nice,” Remus said with a sigh, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes.
Sipping his drink, even the normally dour Snape said, “It is. Very relaxing.” He wasn't one to normally partake in such activities, but the bubbling water was doing wonders on his jangled sanity, soothing him.
“Yeah, it's good,” Sirius sighed, slouching down. “So, any ideas on how we're going to cut down on the insanity? I'm hoping today drove a couple of points home and the psycho-rodents will stay cowed for a few days before they rebound.”
“We're going for distraction until Draco arrives,” Remus told him. “It's our hope that Lucius won't be so overt once he gets here. It's not going to kill it and he'll probably just take it behind closed doors, but we hope it'll help. Maybe focusing on his son might dim the attraction to the ferrets then we can wiggle enough to get him to allow us to send them to Hagrid.”
“Either that or Draco's going to add to the insanity when he feels like he's being 'neglected' by his father in favor of the ferrets,” Severus added with a disgruntled tone. “With Lucius—you don't know which way this could play out.”
“Oh, just what we need; a psycho, whinging Draco,” Harry said with a shake of his head.
“Whinging we'll get no matter what. The degree is going to depend on his father,” Severus said pointedly. Quietly, he then added, tone distracted, “And how bad whatever is going on with Narcissa is. If he's exposed to some of her pants chasing, he may feel 'traumatized' and act worse than normal.”
“We do not need that,” Sirius said firmly, looking between the two across from him. “I'm having a hard enough time dealing with ferrets. I don't need spoiled brats adding to the mix!”
“Leave Draco to me,” Severus said smoothly, a devious smirk on his face. “He's one faction of this mess I do know how to handle and can work with.”
“He's all yours, Snape,” Sirius chuckled, taking a sip of his beer.
“We need help looking up the werewolf claiming bond,” Remus told his old friend pointedly. “We can't negate this, we know that by now, we're just trying to find something to give us better odds at controlling what goes on.”
“Yes, the Dark Lord will not be the alpha here,” Severus told the man with a rigid shake of his head. “We're trying to set Lupin up as that.”
“We can do that,” Sirius told him with a firm nod. “We'll start tomorrow and see what we can find.”
“We also need to ensure Severus has time to brew the Wolfsbane potion. I need to start taking that tomorrow. With that bond in place, we're not sure what could happen and we don't want to take chances. This way, no matter what, I'm safe and can just stay in my room without a problem.”
“We'll make sure of that too,” Sirius told him. “Didn't think about that part. What do you think can come of it or don’t you know?”
“We don't,” Remus sighed. “It might be nothing to concern ourselves with, especially since he's not a werewolf. However, it might. I've heard mention a few times about the wolf wanting to protect and be around the one they claimed. If I have the potion, it should stave that off as I keep my mind.”
“Unless your inner wolf can override that in some way,” Severus grumbled, slouching down.
“Get with me before you go in that night and I'll lock the door with the charms I learned in Auror training. That and shield it. It should stave off any problems coming from that,” Sirius said firmly.
“We'll do that,” Remus told him, pleased at the suggestion. “I thought, maybe, of going elsewhere during that time, but I'm not sure that would work and it might actually make the pull stronger with that instinct driving me to be close. We discussed it a little and thought this would be better, as he'd be in the house.”
“This month is going to be the one we work on how to go about it later as we have no idea what might come. After it's over, we'll have a better feel what to do on this end,” Severus sighed, shaking his head. “Hopefully, nothing too unpleasant will come of it. We don't know, however. There's also the fact that the night of the full moon comes the same night Draco will be coming to stay. It should be distracting enough that we won't have issues.”
“Hopefully,” Sirius sighed. “Plus we move Buckbeak that night. There will be plenty of people in this house at that time. If something comes of it, we won't have too many problems I don't think, especially if you take the potion.”
“That was our thought as well,” Remus nodded.
Groaning, Sirius ran his fingers through his hair then asked, chuckling as he did, “Is there any potion out there to drug the ferrets and Malfoy with at night so we have calm? Something we can slip into their food or something? We all need a break here to work on other parts of this mess.”
“If there was, I would already have employed that,” Severus snorted, taking a drink.

About midnight, Sirius was yanked awake by a body curling up to his backside, wrapping their arms around him. Assuming it was Harry, he didn't open his eyes. However, he quickly realized that Harry was curled up to his front when he felt his godson shift around. Eyes flying open, he looked over his shoulder as he propped himself up on one elbow. It was then he realized it was Malfoy and the man was using him as a teddy bear. “What do you think you're doing?” He hissed, eyes narrowing as he rubbed them to get the grit out.
“It's been a bad night,” Lucius mumbled, not opening his eyes, but clinging to Black. “Nothing to worry about. I just don't want to sleep alone.”
Groaning, Sirius rolled his eyes, “One hint of ferrets or perversion and you're going to have a worse night, Malfoy! You can trust me there.”
“Shan't happen,” Lucius assured him. “Gred and Forge refuse to come out of their cage. They're still hiding. I just want sleep. Nothing more.”
“One hint of trying anything, especially with Harry, and Kreacher is going to beat you half to death,” Sirius said, flopping back down and draping an arm over the still sleeping Harry.
“Nothing to worry about,” Lucius told him, curling up closer to the man, feeling better than he had all night.
Muttering to himself about strange-arsed perverts and nightmares, Sirius shut his eyes, vaguely wondering if he hadn't just invoked a form of hell down on himself and Harry, both. Right now, though, he didn't have the energy to deal with this and wasn't going to say anything. Sleep—he wanted sleep, and would get it.
- 15
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- 17
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"Why Me?"