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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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He arrives not long after, and as when he came after Sirius’s death, there is a long awkward silence where they cannot even look at one another; he because he still fears to see her rejection and/or pity as a reaction to the memories he gave her, and her because she is still trying to process all the new insights about him and reconcile them with what she’s known up to now.
Finally she suggests that a hot bath might do him good (he clearly hasn't been taking much care for himself of late, she's never seen him so disheveled), and he nods mutely and follows her up the stairs. She draws it for him and then withdraws, but when she hears nothing but silence for a long time, she peeks in to check on him.
He is neck-deep in the water, just staring straight ahead, no expression on his face; does not even look at her, seeming nearly catatonic. She says his name and he still does not look up, and she decides that this calls for more drastic action. Undressing quickly (his eyes still not moving to watch her) she slips into the bath and takes the soap into her hands, first grabbing one of his feet and beginning to wash it; hoping that the physical stimulation will break him out of it.
He begins to come around, and his eyes fix on her bare breasts. He stares at them, then finally looks up at her with a sneer and grabs her hand, pulling it to his now-erect cock and asking her if she’s going to wash that for him too – and adding that she should enjoy doing it, as he’s sure it’s bigger than Sirius’s was.
She is stung to the core by his crude and vulgar actions and comments, and nearly slaps him. But just as quickly, she has a flash of insight, born of the memories he’d given her, that lets her see that he’s really just masking his vulnerability, the only way he’s ever known how – by doing his best to drive anyone who might get too close as far away as possible.
And she knows that never in his life can he have felt more vulnerable than he does tonight, having handed her all the keys to his heart and soul in the memories he sent her, and likely still not completely sure that she’s not going to use them against him in revenge for the way he betrayed her in killing Dumbledore; even though she has now seen why he did it for herself.
And on the heels of that thought, she also realizes that while it’s highly unlikely that he’s completely inexperienced sexually, still he’s probably also never in his life been with a woman who felt anything for him at all. He would have no experience of physical intimacy that was tied in any way to emotional intimacy; and he’s probably just being crude because that’s all he’d have ever known how to be.
Pulling her hand away, she looks him in the eye and says, “Severus Snape…that is not what you came here for, and not what I asked you here for either. If you want that kind of entertainment, you can take yourself off to Knockturn Alley.”
He looks away, still sneering, but she lets her voice soften a bit and asks him to imagine what it would be like, if she allowed him to take his indifferent pleasure of her and then at some point he had a momentary flash of her mother; leaving him feeling in that moment like he is just using his cherished first love like a common whore.
He looks quickly at her, trying to discern whether she is pitying him or making fun of him, and she returns his gaze steadily and evenly. He finally blushes deeply and looks down, and apologizes; and his erection fades immediately as well.
She hands him the soap, saying she’ll let him finish up on his own. He sneaks a look at her as she gets out of the tub, but his deep shame at what he said and did still persists and even the sight of her naked body does not arouse him.
He gets out of the tub finally, and looking around him, he is actually somewhat surprised to find his shorts still folded neatly on the side where he last left them, and puts them on. Coming out into the bedroom, he finds her propped up in bed, wearing a long nightshirt. She opens her arms to him, conveying that she’s not angry with him, and he hesitantly slides in next to her. She pulls him into the curve of her arm, just holding him and not saying anything.
He relaxes into her arms gradually, feeling not the least bit sexual but instead more like a child. He realizes that this is what he wanted and needed most, and again mentally chastises himself for nearly blowing it completely. He is grateful to her for taking that moment to look beyond his awful words and actions, rather than just reacting to them.
He falls asleep quickly and she continues brushing her fingers through his damp hair, watching his face relaxing into sleep and still mentally reviewing all the revelations he’s given her since this morning. He sleeps for an hour or so and then wakes with a start, momentarily confused and hyper-alert for danger; but as he looks up at her and she smiles back at him, he relaxes immediately, but only for a moment. He says he’d best get back to Hogwarts, he doesn’t want anyone to notice his absence and ask where he’s been.

The next day, Phineas suggests when he sees her that she move his portrait to the hall outside the bedroom; so that they will be able to hear him if he gives warning that someone is looking for Snape at the school. Evie thinks this is a good idea and sets about doing it at once.
When Snape arrives later that evening, she shows him what she’s done and says that he can relax a bit more when he’s here now, Phineas will let him know if anyone is looking for him. Phineas winks at him, and he quickly suppresses a smile. He and Phineas have had a few interesting conversations since he’s been Headmaster, when no-one else was around; and he knows that Phineas knows how he really feels about Evie, even though he hasn’t actually told him in so many words.
Evie is somewhat amused (and slightly mystified) at his interaction with Phineas, and offers him a massage. He accepts, talking to her about the pressures at the school and gradually relaxing under her hands as he unburdens himself.

Over the next few weeks he visits as often as he feels he can get away. She listens to him talk about his day; and frequently he stays to get a few hours of restful sleep and leaves again well before dawn. It is of course frustrating in a way for him, because he realized even more after having lost her, how much she really had meant to him. And it had finally forced him to admit just how deeply in love with her he actually was.
But, her comfort and support, even only as a friend, is something that he wouldn't want to take the chance of losing again; so he keeps a tight rein on his feelings. After having lost her friendship once he isn't sure the prospect of having more would be worth the risk of losing what he has right now, if he admits his feelings to her when he’s not sure she feels the same way.
He does finally at least admit one thing to her, as they're about to fall asleep; he touches her face lightly and says, "You can't know how much this has meant to me; to have one safe place to be able to relax in, and one person who knows what I've been through and am still going through. I'm not sure how much longer I could have held it all together if I'd had to continue doing it alone. It means a lot to me, Evie."
She is deeply touched that he’s willing to open up to her that much, knowing how difficult an admission that was for him especially to make. She puts her hand on his chest and replies, "Thank you for being willing to trust me enough to come to me. I know it wasn't easy."
He closes his eyes, not trusting himself to say anything more lest he say too much, and holds her a little more tightly than usual.
- 15
- 16
- 17
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)