On The Dark Side | By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > General Views: 11597 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
After dealing with a few other things that need to be dealt with, Snape sends for Alyssa. Now, he can finally tell her things that he could not tell her before, things that he’d have needed her vow to ensure she would not tell anyone else even if under duress.
When she arrives, he pours them both a measure of brandy, and suggests they go up to the Astronomy tower. He’s had a couch brought up there so they can sit and look out at the heavens, and he’s also taken the Pensieve up there. As they go up, she says she’s not sure what to call him now that he’s Headmaster, and he tells her Professor when they’re with anyone else as before; but alone, she can call him by his first name.
Once they're sitting and comfortable, he turns to her and says, “Alyssa – now I can tell you a few things that I’d have needed your vow to tell you before. The first and foremost of them is, I also am a servant; to the Dark Lord.” He rolls up his sleeve to show her his Mark, and says, “I have served him since I was nearly your age. What Lavender Brown was blackmailing me with, and what put you in such terrible danger, was that the Dark Lord took her as his consort. On Solstice Night, when you saw her arrive at my office and not leave it. We left via my fireplace and I took her to the Dark Lord’s stronghold for the ceremony. She is pregnant with his child right now; possibly more than one.”
Alyssa gasps and he goes on, “Voldemort was initially quite pleased with her and willing to give her anything she asked for. What she asked for, was me. I didn’t see it coming and she trapped me very neatly into having to do her bidding; and she was looking for ever more things to torture me with. What she made me do was something I could still escape; I disappeared into my own mind and disconnected from my body.”
“But had she discovered my feelings for you, she’d have latched onto that immediately, would have forced me to bring you to the Dark Lord and sweetly begged him to torture and rape you repeatedly; possibly even to death. And he would have done it, to please her as well as himself. Whatever Lucius might have ever been able to do to you, the Dark Lord could have made ten times worse. And as his servant, I would have been powerless to stop it. I could not have borne it, Alyssa; I could not have. That is what frightened me so much.”
Alyssa says slowly, “So, how would my having vowed to you have made a difference, then? And why is it different, now?”
Snape touches her face gently as he says, “Because, the Dark Lord had also promised me a favor; and the favor I would have asked for is not to share my own consort with anyone, including him. That he would not ask it of me, ever; because as his servant, I’d have to comply if he did. And I believe even back then, he would have granted that to me. I am fairly certain that he would, now – and I’ll get to why in a minute. And yes, having that favor in reserve, I could also have used it if she’d discovered you; but that would only have protected you once. I’m not sure that without my having a formal claim on you that he would recognize, that I could have asked for you to be permanently off-limits, not when Lavender was still first among his servants.”
“So, what happened?”
“For that, I want to show you, rather than tell you. Not only for the justice of it – Lavender finally overstepped her bounds, and since then she has been the least of his servants rather than the first. She put my loyalty to the test, and I came out far, far ahead. But there is something else I want you to see in this – I provided more to my Master than I ever had or ever thought I would, that night. It may shock you, but what I want you to see is what that kind of relationship can actually be like. What kind of mutual pleasure is possible. You will feel what I felt; don’t be embarrassed if your own body reacts along with the memory of mine. If you’d rather I leave you to view it in private, I will do so.”
Not knowing for sure what she’s going to be seeing, she says, “I think I would rather, yes.”
He smiles and pulls the Pensieve over to him, and pulls out the silvery thread of memory, and says, “I will be downstairs in the office. Come down when you’re ready to rejoin me, or call to me. Just put your head into the Pensieve and let it draw you in. You’ll come back to yourself at the end of the memory.”
Alyssa nods, and he leaves. She’s not sure what to expect, but plunges in.
When she comes back out, she is still aroused and can tell by the wetness that she probably climaxed at least once. She has never thought that two men having sex could be erotic, but that definitely was; and she also has to admit that she enjoyed the view of Snape’s naked body quite a bit as well. Even enjoyed Lavender being forced to watch – the bitch had it coming. The simpering look on her face when she’d lied to Voldemort about Severus…certain that it was going to result in further humiliation and degradation to him. Alyssa is glad that it backfired on her so spectacularly.
She does now see what else he wanted her to see, though – the consideration and gentle pleasure that was between Voldemort and him, even though it was clear from the lead-up that Snape had zero interest in it, and it is also clear from what Snape has told her that the Dark Lord is not a gentle lover. But he was, with him. And Snape enjoyed it as well.
If nothing else, it does make her certain that the dream she had could be a reality; if for no other reason than because she could see how much he appreciated being treated gently by his own Master. She would not have thought it could be like that, her image has been purely of one giving the orders and the other taking them. That was…that was nothing like what she’d envisioned it to be.
And throughout, it was very honest as well, as he’d said. Snape told Voldemort upfront that he didn’t want to pleasure him, while reaffirming that he would if it was required of him; and when it was, he did it without any hesitation at all. And in turn, Voldemort not only pleasured him back, but then also gave him the option to choose about going farther. And both of them gained considerable pleasure out of it as well.
She tries to imagine how that would have played out between one heterosexual man and one bisexual, outside that kind of relationship; and she’s not sure they ever could have gotten to that point, can’t imagine how they ever could have gotten there. Nor with that inherent level of trust, on both sides.
She goes down the stairs and finds him, and he looks at her, waiting for her to speak first.
She says, “That was nothing like what I expected.”
Snape says, “Let’s go back upstairs, the couch is comfortable. If you haven’t run screaming out of the office by this point, then I think we probably can talk comfortably, and we might as well be comfortable while doing it.”
They go back upstairs, and he sits closer to her; his arm on the back of the couch, but not touching her. He looks out at the stars and says, “I’m sure you have questions; please feel free to ask them.”
“I don’t really know where to start. I didn’t think it could be like that. It was…very erotic. Has it…changed you?”
“Do you mean, am I bisexual now? No, not at all. I desired to please my Master, who also happens to be male; that was all. And he in turn was so pleased with me that he desired to give pleasure back to me even though it is not at all in his nature to pleasure anyone other than himself. And then he desired us to share pleasure, together, which again is basically outside his nature; much more so than it is outside mine, even. But that is how it is supposed to work. It’s not all one way.”
“I think I can see that, now. But if it’s supposed to be mutual, why the Unbreakable Vow?”
Snape looks at her and says, “So you didn’t enter into it lightly. I don’t want you just for now, Alyssa. But even so, I could not keep you in that role forever, if you did not want to be there. I can release you even from the Vow, it’s a slightly modified version of it that needs no outside Bonder. And I would release you, if it was what you really wanted. I’d do my best to try to keep you and would probably make you wait for some period of time to make sure you weren’t just miffed or would otherwise change your mind. But – if I would not take you before now, would not take advantage even of your feelings running high because it was too important to me that you make the choice of your own free will – do you think I could keep you if you truly wanted to go? If you are that unhappy, I could not be happy either. It still has to be your choice, even afterwards.”
Alyssa looks at him in surprise, and he says, “Forgive me if I assumed you’d already understood that – if what I really wanted was a mindless slave, I could create one very easily. Catch some girl, use Obliviate on her mind, reprogram her to my will, and I have a permanent slave that will be as obedient as a house-elf. But there is no challenge to that. The challenge with you is that it isn’t automatically in your nature to be subservient; no more than it is in my nature to be. Letting someone have control over you is also not in your nature, again no more than it is in mine. So for you to want to do it, I have to give you a good enough reason to want to; I have to make you happy.”
Alyssa says, “Severus…I had a dream about us, a very vivid one. I rejected it as probably not being true because it didn’t fit with my impression of what you wanted from me. I wish you had explained all this sooner.”
“I’m not sure you would have understood it even if I had though, at least not until having experienced it for yourself through my memory. What you’ve also seen is how much it frees your sexuality, your sexual expression. You know I’m not interested in men, and outside that context, what happened between me and the Dark Lord would probably never have happened. I did not desire him; I desired to please my Master, and that led me into something that was very enjoyable, for both of us. It left me free to enjoy it in a way that I probably couldn’t have otherwise. I have even thought that the three of us together might actually be enjoyable, but again I’d leave that choice up to you, I wouldn’t demand it of you even if you do take me for your Master.”
“Would I also have to take him as a Master and be given his Mark?”
“Not unless you wanted to, for yourself. Bellatrix Lestrange is a full Death Eater along with her husband. Narcissa Malfoy is not; her marriage to Lucius brings her into the circle, but she has not pledged to the Dark Lord herself and she does not have his Mark.”
“Severus, these are evil people, who have hurt others and killed them. I’m not sure I can be allied with that, even just through you.”
“That of course will be up to you, all I can say is that I believe the end justifies the means. I am actually planning to talk with the Dark Lord about a more peaceful means of conquest now that he’s gained control of the Ministry and this school. Doesn’t it ever bother you, how much pure-bloods look down their noses at half-bloods like us? Yes, I also am half-blood, my father was a Muggle. And doesn’t it also bother you that we have to hide who we are and what we can do from the rest of the world? Part of the reason for that is of course fear; people fear what they don’t understand. But as long as we are such a minority of the total population, the Muggles could overwhelm us even despite that we are so much more powerful than they are. And as long as pure-blood is the ideal, our isolation grows and our population dwindles.”
“But – I thought pure-blood was V…Voldemort’s goal?”
“He is a half-blood himself, Alyssa. He thinks it’s his goal because it stung him so much to be looked down on for his parentage; plus he hated his Muggle father, much as I also hated mine. But that hatred was really for who they were as individuals, not as much the fact that they were Muggles in and of itself. He thinks he seeks a pure race, but I think I can change his mind about that in time, simply because he was looked down on so much. I think there is another way to change people’s minds about half-bloods; and it is to have more of them, rather than less. And if I can convince him, I think even the pure-bloods will follow.”
“I thought there was a lot to think about before now, but it just keeps unfolding and I keep having to readjust. Are there any other revelations to come?”
“No, that’s basically all of it. You understand why I could not tell you where my loyalties were before now, I trust.”
“Yes, that I can understand, definitely. However, won’t it be even harder to hide, that I’m having a relationship with the Headmaster? If we do have one in the end, I mean…”
Snape looks deeply into her eyes and gives her a small smile, encouraged by what her question means; that she is actually considering it. He says, “No, because one of the changes I plan to make is to allow fraternization between staff and students, past the fifth year. If two people want to engage in a relationship, whether purely sexual or more, they’re old enough by fifth year to decide whether they can handle it or can’t. So we would not need to hide it, at least once this school term is over. If other students are jealous or think you’re sleeping your way to your grades, then so be it – they’ll get over it. Sexual politics are a fact of life in the real world as well, as are people falling in love that ‘shouldn’t’ for whatever reason. May as well learn how to deal with that aspect of life earlier rather than later, because you’ll never eliminate it.”
Alyssa doesn’t say anything else, and they look at one another for a long time. Her arousal builds as she looks into his eyes; and by the way he shifts on the couch, she’s pretty sure his is as well. She wants him so much…finally she says quietly, “I am ready, Severus.”
He looks searchingly at her and says, “Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not just reacting to the moment?”
She continues to look him in the eye and says, “No, I’m not sure. But I don’t think I’ll ever be any more sure. What I mean is, I can probably throw obstacles in my own way indefinitely. I am sure that I want to be in your bed, tonight. I wanted that before you ever noticed that I did. I am sure I’ll want to be in your bed tomorrow night, and next week, and next month as well. I can’t see any reason a year or ten years from now that I wouldn’t still want to be in your bed. That’s about the best I can do, but it’s probably the best anyone can really do.”
He’s still looking unconvinced, so she says, “And, I…want to please you. I always have wanted to, in a way. For all the years I’ve been at Hogwarts, Potions was my favorite class. Not just because I was good at it; but because your approval, however grudgingly given, always made me feel so warm inside. And later, as I got a little older and I found myself wanting you; it also made me aroused to some degree, whenever I would do something that I could tell had pleased you. It made me want to please you even more. And only you, I didn’t feel that way about any other class or teacher. And you were right, I also would have submitted to anything you wished, that night I had detention. I still would.”
“I think when it really started to matter so much for me though, was when I saw you talking to Lavender and then she came to your office and didn’t leave. What made me jealous wasn’t the thought of you having sex with her; it was the thought that you’d make a similar offer to her. That she would come to mean more to you than I did. I can accept you finding other outlets for lust, but I can’t accept the idea of someone else being closer to you than I can be. So, I will take your vow. I want to.”
He closes his eyes and pulls her to him on the couch, holding her and saying her name quietly. Finally he releases her and says, “There is something I need to retrieve from my office, I didn’t have everything moved up here yet. Wait here, I will be right back.”
She looks out at the night sky, spangled with a million stars, and is a bit nervous; but she’ll never know unless she’s willing to try. And she’s tired of wanting him and being unable to have him, especially when she knows how much he wants her, too.
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