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A Secondary Education	By : Thunderbird Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 27880 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
A/N: I did it! I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself, because this was a very stressful couple of weeks. But writing was my reprieve, so I used that to my advantage. My reviewers, of course, were a big help in keeping my motivation up. Couldn't have done it without you!
If I'm being real, I'm probably not going to get to write much for the next week or so. But I will do my best to get another chapter to you soon. We're in the home stretch now!
Merry Christmas, loves! See you in the new year.
Lesson 16: Confrontations in Public Places
Unsurprisingly, Draco received a floo call from Pansy the following day. She was savvy enough to wait until the afternoon to call him, in case Kyle had stayed over (which, of course, he had).
“Do you have time to talk?” she asked him, brusque and almost business-like. Draco wasn’t sure what this conversation was going to be like, with her in this kind of mood, but he agreed anyway.
“I assume Kyle is gone and that you haven’t just rudely abandoned your guest to answer the floo,” she added.
“He left this morning, after breakfast,” Draco informed her, watching her closely to see how she would take that.
She arched a brow, and there was a hint of a smile gracing her lips. “It went well, then?”
“Very well,” Draco admitted. “Better than I hoped, even. We have a tentative lunch date this coming week, actually.”
“Well… good. I’m happy for you.”
“You don’t sound happy.”
Pansy sighed. “I genuinely am. Of course you know I don’t care that you’re bisexual and really I have no right to be upset that it’s taken you so long to tell me, but…”
“You’re upset with me anyway?”
“I don’t know,” Pansy said. “I honestly don’t. I feel… strange.”
Draco didn’t know what to say to that, so he simply waited for her to go on.
“We used to be the people who knew each other best,” she said. “But it’s clear to me that it’s not true anymore, on either end.”
“You’re married, Pansy,” Draco said to her. “You live with Theo and have a child together. Of course there are people now that know you better than I know you. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”
Pansy huffed, as though it was physically paining her to have to talk about this so openly. It likely was, as a matter of fact. “It doesn’t make you sad?”
Draco thought about it. “Honestly? No. Because it doesn’t feel like a loss to me. I would think, given how good your life is now, that it doesn’t feel that way to you either. You’ve only gained people, not lost them. You haven’t lost me.”
“Who is it for you, then? Who knows you best, better than I do?”
Draco shook his head, but not because he didn’t know the answer to the question.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Pansy said.
“Him?”
“Your mystery lover.”
Draco stared at her in surprise.
“Oh, come off it, Draco. Did you really think I wasn’t going to put the pieces together and realize the reason your mystery lover was a mystery all this time was because he was a man? He’s obviously the one who helped you figure out you were bisexual. Or at least help you come to terms with it. And I’m glad you had that. I just wish I knew why you aren’t still with him, since he obviously had an affect on you.”
“He helped me see who I am. He helped me move on. That was what I needed from him. But it was never going to be something long term. It wouldn’t have been sustainable.”
“Why not?”
Draco remained silent.
“You aren’t going to tell me who it is, are you, even though I’ve figured out it’s a man.”
“No, not right now.”
She stared at him, and Draco felt an “I’m sorry” right on the tip of his tongue. But he didn’t say it.
“Not because I don’t trust you,” he said instead. “I’m just not ready to talk about it, is all.”
Pansy crossed her arms and looked away. Draco adjusted himself on the floor in front of the fireplace to get more comfortable, sensing that this conversation was going to take a while. He was just considering summoning a cushion from a nearby armchair when Pansy spoke again.
“So the mystery lover was always supposed to be temporary, which is why you ended it. But this… relationship – whatever it is – with Kyle… that’s different?”
He watched her for a bit, thinking about what he was going to say and hoping she would look at him again. She didn’t, though, only stared at her pristine fingernails with faux nonchalance. So Draco replied.
“I don’t know. I think so. I’ve only just met him. But there’s potential. More so than there ever was with – with the guy I was seeing before.”
“And what gives Kyle more of this… potential?”
Draco hesitated, wondering if there was any way to frame it that didn’t give Harry’s identity away.
“Commitment… was an issue.”
“On his part?”
“Yes.”
“I see. So you wanted something more serious. He didn’t.”
“I…” Draco paused again, knowing that he wasn’t really characterizing the situation accurately but that there was nothing he could do about it. “Yes. Essentially. Although I don’t really believe it would have worked out anyway, but… I don’t know. It’s complicated.”
“Hm,” replied Pansy. Draco couldn’t tell if she was skeptical or simply annoyed.
They were silent for a bit, Pansy seeming to consider what he had just told her and Draco wondering at what point Pansy was going to lose all patience with him and end the floo connection.
But she didn’t. Instead she huffed another breath and asked, “Well, are you going to tell me about last night, or do I have to use my imagination?”
Draco gave her a cautious, hopeful smile. “You’d actually want to hear about it?”
“Of course I want to hear about it. I want to know everything. Every last detail.”
Draco allowed himself a real grin. “Even the sex?”
Pansy delicately brushed a lock of dark hair from her forehead and tilted her head demurely. “Well, if you’re going to insist on it, I certainly won’t stop you.”
Draco eyed her. “There are certain things a gentleman never reveals. But I’ll tell you all that I can.”
“That’s all I ask,” Pansy said, adjusting in such a way that Draco could tell she was getting comfortable, ready to listen.
Draco shifted too, leaning forward towards the hearth and his friend, glad he had someone he could trust to share this with.
***
Draco saw Kyle again only a few days later. They had agreed to meet for lunch at a nice sandwich shop not far from the Ministry, so that Kyle could walk there from work. Draco beat him there and decided to get a table outside, ordering a light, crisp cider that he could sip on as he watched Muggles pass by.
When Kyle approached it took Draco a moment to recognize him. He had left his Ministry robes behind, of course, so as to blend in with the rest of Muggle London, but he was wearing a suit, a gray one with a suitably matching striped tie, and he looked quite dashing in it. The trousers were well-fitted and emphasized his long legs, and the jacket broadened his shoulders in an appealing way. Draco certainly didn’t mind the more laid back look he’d sported at Pansy’s party, though it did make him seem a bit out of place. But he was learning that he really liked the way a man looked in a well-tailored suit. Muggles knew how to dress, that was for certain.
“Hi,” Kyle greeted him with a shy smile.
“Hello,” Draco said, smiling back. “I hope it’s all right that we’re sitting outside. It’s such a lovely day.”
“This is perfect,” Kyle said sincerely, removing his jacket and draping over the back of his chair. He undid the cuffs of his white shirt and rolled the sleeves up a little, getting comfortable.
He was making to sit down when Draco said, “Are you going to greet me properly?”
“Hm?” Kyle looked at him, confused. Then he grinned sheepishly and leaned down to Draco for a kiss.
Draco tilted up to meet him, enjoying the freedom in being able to do this in public, in the middle of the day, just around the corner from the Ministry. Any witch or wizard could pass by and see them, and it didn’t matter.
What a wonderful thing that was, that freedom.
It had only been a few days, so he was still getting used to it, the idea of being out. But he hadn’t heard anything but support from his friends and he had heard nothing whatsoever from his parents, so he could only assume that they were still in the dark. He wondered if it would last, or if someone would let something slip. He didn’t think Greg or Millicent would betray him like that, but he also knew that in the pureblood gossip mill, juicy information had a way of getting around. A part of him was braced, with the arrival of the owl post every morning, for a bright red Howler from his father ready to berate him for the disgrace he was bringing on the family.
It hadn’t happened yet, but it might, and he was trying to be ready for that.
But mostly he was enjoying this. He grinned openly at Kyle as he sat down and got himself situated, and their server came soon after to take Kyle’s drink order.
“I’ll have whatever he’s having,” Kyle said, pointing at Draco’s cider. “It’s just been that kind of day.”
The server gave him a tilted eyebrow and a knowing smile, then went off to get his drink.
“A rough one, then?” Draco asked sympathetically, taking another sip of his drink.
Kyle shrugged. “Frustrating. I told you about the trouble I had with the higher-ups at my old company, their obsession with the bottom line.” Draco nodded. “Well, turns out government bureaucracy isn’t all that much better.”
Draco laughed. “No, I imagine it wouldn’t be.”
“It’s not about the money. Although, obviously I’m expected to stay within my budget. Which is fair. But there’s so much freaking red tape to get something approved, it’s insane.”
Draco’s brow furrowed. He thought he knew what Kyle meant, but… “Red tape?”
“Sorry. No-maj phrase. It means there are a lot of hoops to jump through. You know, a lot of paperwork and special documentation and affidavits and whatever.”
“Oh, right.”
“So yeah, felt like kind of an uphill battle today. Government moves so slow. I wish I knew why that is and what to do about it.”
“I’m not sure our Ministry’s ever been all that efficient,” said Draco. “I suppose in the few years after the war, when Kingsley Shacklebolt was acting Minister. But after he stepped down and our world was essentially back to normal again, the Ministry went back to its usual, ineffective self.”
“Why didn’t Shacklebolt run for reelection?” Kyle asked. “I’ve heard him mentioned multiple times, and only good things about him, too.”
Draco shrugged. “I don’t really know the man well, though he was quite civil to my family during the trials. But from what I heard he felt his place was with the Aurors. They invited him to run the department, and it seems he thought he was better suited to that than the Minister job.”
“Politics isn’t for everyone,” said Kyle.
“No. And often those who want the job aren’t cut out for it.”
Kyle’s drink arrived and the two men ordered lunch, chatting more about politics and the inner workings of the Ministry while they sipped on their ciders.
“My father always had his fingers in many different political pies when I was growing up,” Draco was saying just as their sandwiches were served. “I used to admire his ambition but as I got older I realized I just found it boring.”
Kyle nodded as he chewed. “My family was never very political at all. They're academic types, always wanting us to focus on our studies. Not much into networking or rubbing shoulders with important people. My dad would honestly be happy if he could live in his potions lab all the time.”
“Your dad’s a potions master as well. No wonder you’re sick of hearing about it.”
Kyle laughed. “Only because I can’t understand what he and Lindsey are talking about half the time.” He shrugged. “But they have a special bond, and that’s ok, I guess. I honestly think she went into potions mostly to please him. Not that she isn’t good at it, of course. But she’s also a complete social butterfly, as you’ve seen, and I’ve always thought she’d make a decent politician herself.”
“Mm. I’ve had the same thought about Pansy. But she seems content to only do part-time work and make her family the priority, which I can respect.”
Kyle nodded. “I’m not sure Lindsey will ever be that way. She talks about wanting kids someday but she loves to work. And when she’s not working she’s going out. It’s hard to imagine her at home with a toddler.”
“Well, she wouldn’t necessarily have to stay home to have a child. She could be a working mother. Nothing wrong with that, right?”
Kyle chuckled. “Good point. Listen to me, being all heteronormative. Never thought I’d be getting a lecture about that from a British pureblood.”
Draco held up his hands. “Hey, you’re not hearing any lecture from me. I did the heterosexual marriage with traditional gender roles down to the letter in my last serious relationship. There was no thinking outside the box in that situation. But Lindsey does strike me as the kind of person who would have a hard time giving up her work for anything, and I also believe that anyone can find a way to fit children into their lives, if it’s what they really want. That’s all I meant.”
“Mm,” said Kyle, thinking that over. “I think that’s true.” He took another bite of his sandwich. “So you want kids then?” he asked, after a minute.
Draco looked at him, surprised, and Kyle’s eyes widened.
“Sorry, was that…?” the brunet said, looking horror-struck. “That was weird, wasn’t it? That’s a weird thing to ask someone on like, the second date. I swear I’m not like trying to find out if you want to make babies with me or something.”
Draco laughed for a bit before managing a “No, it’s fine.”
“I was honestly just curious, because you had been married before. I was just making conversation.”
“It’s fine, Kyle,” said Draco. “I don’t mind talking about it at all. And I don’t think it’s weird to ask someone that.”
Kyle gave him a sheepish smile and finished off the remainder of his cider in one gulp.
“I do want children,” Draco said. “Without question. In fact, I was nearly a father, once.”
Kyle raised his eyebrows in surprise, placing his glass carefully back down on the table. “With your wife? Ex-wife? You two were talking about it?”
“More than talking.”
“You were trying?”
Draco nodded.
“What happened?”
Draco stared down at his plate a moment, contemplating if he wanted to go down this road.
“That’s a story for another time, I think,” he said finally.
Kyle nodded once. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up something that would upset you.”
“I’m not upset,” Draco assured him. “It’s been over a year now, and I’ve moved on. So much so that I’m honestly just tired of telling the story. I’ve told it so much and I’m just… bored of it, I suppose. Bored of fixating on one bad thing that happened to me. I’d rather focus on something else. On the future, not the past.”
The brunet gave him a tentative smile. “That’s a good way of thinking about it.”
Draco met his eyes. “I think so too.” He took a last sip of cider. “So, what about you, then?”
“Me?”
“And children.”
“Oh, right.” He shrugged. “Yeah, sure, why not? Some day. I’m only twenty-four, so I’m not exactly in a hurry.”
“Sure.”
“But yeah, some day. I think it’d be nice to have a kid. I like the idea of adopting especially. Giving a child a home who otherwise wouldn’t have one?”
“Mm,” said Draco noncommittally. He certainly admired those who chose to adopt, but deep down he knew he would most want to have a child of his own flesh and blood. But he held back from sharing that aloud.
Kyle shrugged again. “I don’t know. I figure I have a while to think about it.”
“Sure. Of course.”
They exchanged small smiles and conversation turned to other things as they finished their sandwiches. Kyle needed to get back to the Ministry, but he dawdled a little as Draco took care of the check.
“Thanks for lunch,” he said. “I’m really glad I got to see you again.”
“Can I walk you?” Draco asked.
Kyle smiled as though this was exactly what he had been hoping for. “I’d love that.”
They went hand-in-hand down the sidewalk, Draco asking Kyle about what the rest of his day was going to look like, the both of them ignoring any funny looks like might have been thrown their way.
They stopped in front of the secret employee entrance to the Ministry, and Kyle continued to hesitate, seeming reluctant to let go of Draco’s hand.
“Can I see you again soon?" Draco asked. "I’d like to take you out somewhere nice. Maybe this weekend?”
Kyle smiled, looking both pleased and embarrassed. “You don’t have to plan all the dates, you know. I could take you out.”
Draco smiled back. “That’s true.”
“So why don’t I plan something for us. Saturday night?”
“That sounds great.”
“Great.”
They kissed goodbye, much more thoroughly and passionately than the chaste little peck Kyle had given Draco in greeting. Draco walked away with a spring in his step, with the promise of an enjoyable Saturday evening and possibly much more beyond that.
And it felt good.
***
Draco loved the apothecary. He knew some found the smell – organic and rich, like wet earth and musty leather – a little too strong and the jars of animal parts and strange, dried plants disconcerting. But not Draco. He walked into an apothecary the way a bookworm walked into a library: eagerly, his heart thumping in anticipation and his neck straining to look in every direction at once. It smelled like opportunity, and the jars of beetle eyes and skink tails and shrivelfigs lining the shelves made him feel like the world was at his fingertips.
He looked down at the parchment in his hand, wondering where to begin. He always came to the apothecary with a list; otherwise he was in danger of buying a bit of everything. His stores were quite low on Asphodel, thanks to McNeal’s research, so he decided to begin in the “plant roots” section and go from there.
It wasn’t long before he was joined by the wizened and friendly shop owner, Elias Humperdink, with whom Draco was on a first name basis. He had a suspicion that he was likely one of Elias’ favorite customers, considering how much gold he spent there. When he explained to the wizard that he was shopping for both the Hogwarts pantry and his own personal stores, Elias was eager to help.
So much so that it took less time than Draco anticipated to gather everything he needed, and he found himself browsing rather wistfully in the rare ingredients aisle for a few minutes. He didn’t have any need for fine-woven Goldflax or dried Agama skin, but he fantasized for a moment that he did, that he was the kind of potioneer to brew the more complex draughts that would require such ingredients.
Maybe it’s time to return to my own research again, he thought idly. Now that he had one year of teaching under his belt, the lesson planning needn’t be so intense. He would likely have time and energy for other things.
He tore himself away, finally, promising himself that he would at least think about it. Elias was waiting at the front counter for him, the totals tallied and everything wrapped up and ready to owl directly to the manor and Hogwarts. Draco paid and thanked him for all his help, which garnered a toothless, grateful smile from the old wizard and many happy returns.
Draco stepped back out into Diagon Alley, wondering if there was anywhere else he wanted to go. He didn’t need to do other shopping, but a leisurely trip to Flourish & Blotts was always a welcome diversion. Or perhaps he could visit Fortescue’s for an ice cream, indulge a little. He wasn’t meeting up with Kyle until that evening, so he had an entire afternoon to spend as he wished.
He was just stepping into the street, thinking he’d head in the direction of the bookstore, when he heard a voice.
“Draco.”
He felt his insides seize up. He would have known the voice anywhere, even though it had said his name softly. Or maybe because it had said it so softly. He hadn’t heard it in over a year, but that didn’t matter. He turned.
Astoria stood there, next to the apothecary window, looking lovely in a set of blue summer robes. Her hair was longer than he remembered it, rippling down past her shoulders now in smooth waves. Her hands were resting on the handles of the baby carriage in front of her. It was a large one, dark blue with a bulbous round hood pulled down to shade its occupant. Draco found his eyes roaming downward, and he saw there was a small pair of legs and tiny shoed feet visible under the hood, swinging idly.
Her son. Blaise’s son. Octavian.
“Draco,” Astoria said again. “Hello.”
“Astoria,” he greeted her with a nod. Though it had felt like the world had stopped for a moment upon seeing her, he realized that wasn’t actually the case, and that the street was bustling around him. And he was in the way of those trying to pass by. He stepped back off of the cobblestones until he was under the awning of the apothecary and looked back at Astoria again, who was watching him closely.
“It’s good to see you,” she said.
“It’s been a while,” Draco replied. His eyes flitted again to those swinging toddler legs, and he swallowed. “What brings you out today?”
“Just some summer shopping. This little one is growing so fast, I feel like I’m doing an enlarging charm on his trousers just about every week to keep up.” She chuckled weakly. “It wears clothes out, you know, all that magic.”
“Mm,” said Draco. “Babies need a lot of clothes, as I understand it.”
Merlin, this was so strange. He couldn’t believe it was happening. For months after the divorce Draco had essentially avoided Diagon and other wizarding haunts, taking refuge in the manor, to prevent this very encounter. But now it was happening, and it had been so long, and so much had happened since…
He didn’t know what he felt. But he thought he’d like to get away and think about it, at least.
“Can I buy you a cup of tea?” she asked. “Or coffee, perhaps?”
“I’m sorry?”
She pushed against the carriage, bringing both herself and the still swinging legs of little Octavian closer. Draco fought the urge to take a step back. “It’s been a long time, and I thought it might be nice to talk.”
“I don’t know…” Draco said, looking instinctively left and right, trying to scope out a viable escape from this situation.
“I know it’s… awkward,” she said with a soft, embarrassed smile that Draco immediately recognized. “I saw you through the apothecary window and I almost ran for it.” The smile turned sheepish. “But I’ve been thinking about you lately. I even thought about writing, though I wasn’t sure if you would read it. But there are some things I wanted you to know. Things I think it’s important for you to know. I know it’s a lot to ask but could we… just talk, for a little while?”
She was looking at him with a helplessness he’d always found hard to resist. She was so soft, delicate, harmless. It was difficult to believe that she was capable of hurting him the way she had hurt him.
He knew better, of course. But looking at her again, for the first time in so long, it was easy to forget.
What more could she do to hurt him now? She had already done the worst thing Draco could imagine, short of committing murder. He didn’t think there was anything she could say that would hurt him more, anything that would be worse than the things he said to himself for all those months afterward.
“All right,” he said. “I have a little time.”
They went down the street to the closest café and found a discreet table in the back. There were no high chairs available, so Astoria transfigured one herself, then reached down into the baby carriage and plucked Octavian out of it. Draco watched, realizing he was getting his first proper look at the boy in over a year. While Astoria went to order their drinks, Draco took some time to study him. The toddler stared right back at Draco, chewing on a couple of his fingers.
He had a charming, round face, a cute button nose, and long eyelashes. His skin was the color of milk tea, and his head sported a thin layer of dark curls that looked soft and springy to the touch. Draco tilted his head, wondering if he could see Octavian’s parents reflected in those features. The shape of the eyes might have been Blaise’s, perhaps; the nose resembled Astoria’s. But he seemed to be made up of something mostly of his own.
“Ba-bo-doo,” said Octavian, as if he found the lingering silence awkward all of a sudden.
Draco chuckled. “Same to you, kid,” he said. Octavian smiled at that, wide and drooley, his sparse little teeth making an appearance. Draco felt his heart warming in spite of himself.
He could let himself resent this boy, if he really wanted to. But it didn’t make any sense to. It wasn’t Octavian’s fault he was Blaise’s son instead of Draco’s. It was stupid, even cruel, to resent a child. He could save all of his resentment for his ex-wife and his ex-best friend.
Not that he felt much of that either, anymore. As Astoria sat down again, placing Draco’s coffee in front of him, he watched her, trying to figure out what seeing her made him feel, now that the initial shock was over. So far he didn’t have much of anything.
Astoria had purchased an herbal tea for herself and a package of biscuits for Octavian. She broke them up into little pieces and put them on the table in front of him, and Octavian, looking very excited, immediately took one and put it in his mouth.
“Mmm,” he said, bouncing up and down in his chair a moment.
“Mmm,” Astoria imitated with a warm smile. She brushed a hand across his head as he continued to eat.
“He’s big,” Draco said, immediately feeling stupid.
But Astoria merely smiled at him and nodded. “It’s hard to believe. He was so small when he came out, remember?”
Draco’s hand tightened on his coffee mug, helping him resist a wince at such a casual mention of the fateful early morning of Octavian’s birth. The day everything changed. “I remember,” he murmured.
Astoria seemed to realize the insensitivity of that last remark, because she ducked her head. “How are you, Draco?” she asked finally.
“I’m quite well, actually,” he told her, glad he could be honest. “I’m sure you heard I took a post at Hogwarts.”
“Yes, I did hear that.”
“So I was there most of the year. I have the summer off. I’ve just been spending time with friends, mostly, though there is some summer work I have to do as well.”
“You enjoy teaching?”
“I love it.”
“Good. I’m happy for you.”
“And how are you? How’s Blaise?”
Astoria sighed. “Blaise is very busy. In truth, we both are, me with Octavian and him with the business. He’s frustrated, I think.”
“Blaise is.”
She nodded. “He wants to be home. He’s being asked to travel a lot, you see.”
“I heard.” She gave him a surprised look. “Just the usual Slytherin gossip.”
“Ah,” she said. “Yes. It just surprises me. I’ve been a bit out of the loop lately.”
Draco nodded. That was a more diplomatic way of saying “shunned by most of our mutual acquaintances.” “Your sister has been talking,” he explained.
“Right,” she said. “Of course.”
They fell into silence, and Draco sipped his coffee, occasionally glancing at Octavian, who was munching away happily and not paying them any mind.
“There’s something I wanted you to know. Something I wanted to tell you, to explain to you, even before I left. But I never got the chance.”
Draco sat up a little straighter. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, but at this point he found himself more curious than anything. “All right.”
“When you and I got married, I was already involved with Blaise. I was already in love with him, in fact.”
Draco stared into his coffee and thought that over. He’d wondered when it started. He’d thought it had to be early, since in his confrontations with both Astoria and Blaise after Octavian’s birth it had been implied that the relationship had been going on for quite some time, essentially since the beginning. But they’d never said when explicitly. Draco had tried, during those sleepless nights of torturing himself with the details, to put the pieces together, tried to pinpoint when it could have started, based on the way Blaise would behave with Astoria and the frequency of his visits. He’d come to the conclusion that Blaise had had his eyes on Astoria from the beginning, though he thought maybe Astoria had resisted the advances at first.
Apparently he’d been only half right.
“Then why did you agree to marry me?” he asked. “Why not just marry Blaise?”
“My father wouldn’t have it,” she said. “I was only seventeen when Daphne ran off with Luc. Blaise and I were already seeing each other by that point, but it was early, and we weren’t ready to talk about marriage yet, which is why we kept it a secret. My father told me that the best way to repair the contract with your parents was for you to marry me instead. But he wanted to wait until I was a little bit older. He thought seventeen was too young, and he was right, in that regard. I hoped when I told him about Blaise he would change his mind, but it only made him angry. He told me to end it with Blaise, saying that I had to wait in case you were still single in a couple of years. Then he would reopen negotiations with the Malfoys.”
“But you didn’t heed him.”
“Would you have?” she asked, leaning forward. “I couldn’t stay away from Blaise. We were falling in love. It was inevitable. I held onto hope that you would find a love match and get married.”
“I nearly did,” he told her. “Emerence Selwyn, don’t you remember?”
She sighed. “That’s right. But you didn’t marry her. And when I turned nineteen Father decided I was old enough, and he contacted your father and…”
“We started courting.”
“Yes.”
“I was considering marrying her, you know.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“You never asked.”
She tucked a lock of golden hair behind a dainty ear. “It’s not exactly the sort of thing you ask your betrothed while he’s courting you.”
“I think, under the circumstances, it would have been appropriate, even called for. A lot of things would have been called for.”
“What do you mean?”
Draco leaned forward too, meeting her halfway over the table and keeping his voice low. “You should have told me. About you and Blaise.”
She gasped, leaning back again. “I couldn’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“Because you would have informed your parents, who would have informed my parents, and then they would have found out that I’d been disobeying them by continuing my relationship with Blaise.”
He stared at her. “Would that have been so horrible?”
She swallowed. “You know what my father is like when he’s angry. Blaise and I would both have had to suffer his wrath, and he would have forbidden me from seeing him ever again. He would have done everything he could to keep us apart.”
Draco considered that. “Even so,” he said. “It would have been worth it to avoid binding yourself to someone you didn’t love. You and Blaise could have found a way. I could have helped you, if you’d told me the circumstances. Did Blaise not believe me trustworthy?”
Stared at her hands. “We didn’t discuss it.”
Draco sat back in his chair, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t have let you go through with it. If I knew Blaise, my best friend, loved you, and you him, I would have refused to marry you. I would even have avoided telling our parents why, taken all of the blame, to protect you. Then you would have been free. If you’d only trusted me.” She stared at him, dumbfounded. “Instead, you lied, you let me marry you even though you were in love with someone else, and then you continued to have an affair even after we were married.” She continued to watch him, a sad pout now forming on her lips. But Draco was unaffected. “Was sharing this little piece of information intended to make me feel better about everything that happened? Or was it some way to justify what you’ve done? I hope you know that it’s neither. It’s only served to make me angry about it all over again.”
Her eyes dropped to her teacup, and they sat for a long time. Draco watched her, waiting, finishing off most of his coffee. It went a bit cold, and he cast a warming charm on it.
“I intended to stay away from him after you and I were married,” she said finally, quietly. “Romantically, anyway. I thought… well… I thought it would be all right. During the courting, you were so patient and kind. And you were even better after the wedding. Sweet and funny and handsome… I thought ‘This could be so much worse. At least Blaise is his best friend, so I won’t lose him from my life completely.’ I thought I could live with that. I thought I could grow to love you and move on. And I did grow to love you. I hope you know that.” She put a hand on his, and Draco felt himself flinch. But she didn’t move it. “I fell in love with you. I loved being your wife. I really hope you will believe me when I say that.”
Draco stared down at her hand on his. “I don’t know what to think. You say you loved me, but you didn’t stay away from him, in the end.”
“No,” she said sadly. “I fell in love with you, but I never stopped loving him. And then I was really stuck.”
“I suppose Blaise wasn’t too happy about that, about your feelings for me.” Then again, Blaise was the one who let the woman he loved marry someone else. Draco wasn’t sure he would ever be able to entirely understand Blaise’s thought process or his feelings. He’d been Draco’s best man at the wedding, after all. How could he have lived with that, watching Astoria walk down the aisle, looking stunning in her ivory wedding robes, towards someone other than himself? How did Blaise stand listening to her make vows to love and cherish another man? How could he have borne it?
“No,” she said again. “But he wasn’t surprised. He said you were the better man, and that I deserved you. And if you loved me, I deserved to be happy. And he would take what he could get from me. He told me he could live with it. I tried to tell him he deserved happiness too. Even though it would have been painful, a part of me hoped he would move on. But he never did. So long as I wanted him, he was there. And so long as he was there, I couldn’t stop wanting him.” Her eyes were glistening now, and Draco wanted to roll his eyes.
“What about what I deserved?” he said. She looked at him, blue eyes shimmering. “Didn’t I deserve some honesty? From my friend? From my wife? You’re talking about this like you didn’t have a choice, but you did. You’re talking like the fact that you did love me after all somehow makes it better. But it doesn’t, not to me. You still lied, Astoria. You had so many chances to tell the truth but you just kept lying, and sneaking around and…” He glanced at Octavian again, who was busy looking around the café at the other patrons, entertaining himself while the adults talked. “… and conceiving a child with him, Astoria. You betrayed me in every way.”
She was crying properly now, though quite silently. Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe they were having this conversation, here, in public, with Astoria and Blaise’s lovechild sitting right there. If he had known…
He took a deep breath. Maybe this was better, though. Maybe they should be doing this. Maybe this was his one final purge of her, a chance to say it all to her and let it go once and for all.
“I hated you and Blaise for so long after… after it all came out,” he told her, ignoring her tears. “But I hated myself even more, I think. I thought myself a fool for believing that you loved me. I thought I had done something wrong, something to make you secretly hate me and fall into Blaise’s arms out of loneliness, or some such nonsense.”
“It wasn’t like that,” she said quietly, thickly.
“I know. I figured that out for myself. I figured out that I didn’t do anything wrong, and that I wasn’t a fool for believing you loved me. Because you acted like you did. You told me you did.”
“Because I did,” she insisted. “I still do.” She tried to put her hand on his again, but he pulled away. “I miss you so much, Draco.”
“No,” he told her. “Let’s not even go there. That door is closed forever.”
Astoria’s face crumpled, though she did her best to remain silent, only letting out a couple of high pitched squeaks. It might have all remained discreet if Octavian hadn’t seen the state of his mother and started crying, almost like a sympathetic response.
“Oh no,” Astoria said, wiping her eyes quickly and reaching for her son. “I’m sorry, darling, I’m sorry.” She pulled him into her lap. “Mummy’s fine, love. Just fine. Shhh…” She rubbed circles on his back to calm him, and it seemed to be working on her too. Her breath became more even and her tears waned as she softly comforted her son.
Draco was aware that a few people were staring, and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He didn’t particularly want to be here anymore, but he also didn’t feel like he could just leave. So he waited. Octavian settled, finally, nuzzling into his mother’s neck and slipping into a doze. The strange trio sat there for a while like that, the only sounds heard being the slow, syncopated rhythm of each of their breaths.
“You’re right,” Astoria said, her cheek resting on the top of her son’s curly head. It was almost as though she was talking to him, and not Draco. “Everything I said here is true. But you’re right.”
“I know,” Draco replied, which was perhaps in poor taste. Maybe he should be more gracious. But he didn’t feel like it.
“So many mistakes made,” she sighed. “So many consequences. Some good, some bad. I hate that I hurt you. I’m so sorry that I hurt you, but how can I say I wish it were different?”
Draco furrowed his brow, trying to understand what she meant. And then he realized that she was talking about Octavian. For all the regret she might have about being unfaithful and hurting Draco, she couldn’t actually be sorry, not when her actions had lead to her son being born. It was obvious, just from the way she clutched him to her, that she would never give him up for the world, for anything. She would do it all over again, every single mistake, every single painful thing, to have him.
Maybe Astoria wasn’t entirely happy in her marriage, and maybe she didn’t get along with her mother in law at all. And maybe raising a child was difficult sometimes, and she didn’t want to do it alone. But she would, if that’s what it took. She would do anything.
Draco could fault her for all of her lies and mistakes, and he could even fault her for trying to make excuses. But he couldn’t fault her for loving her son. He couldn’t fault her for that at all.
“I forgive you,” he said. “I forgive you for all that you’ve done. I don’t want you in my life, but I do wish you well. Please know that.”
She looked at him sadly, but there was resignation in her face now, rather than desperation. Draco felt himself relax.
“I’m going now,” he said, making sure to keep his voice low and gentle. “Please don’t contact me again.”
She swallowed, then nodded. “I won’t.”
Draco sat there a moment longer, words on the tip of his tongue that he didn’t know why he felt so compelled to share. But he realized if he didn’t say it now, it was likely he would never say it at all. And that seemed wrong, somehow.
“Stand up to Marianna,” he blurted. “When you think you’re right, stand up to her. It’s the only way she’ll ever respect you. And tell Blaise to find himself a bloody job that doesn’t require so much travel. He’s missing his son’s childhood, and no amount of money is worth that. Tell him to get his priorities in order. Tell him that from me.”
He didn’t wait for a response. He simply stood and turned, leaving his ex-wife and her small son behind once and for all.
He was done. He could be done now.
***
Draco didn’t tell Kyle about his run-in with Astoria. He thought about it. He considered it that very evening as they were cozying up at Kyle’s for a night in with takeaway and a Muggle film. But the film was engaging and they had plenty to talk about afterwards, plus some heavy snogging to do on Kyle’s worn sofa at the end of the night, and it just never seemed like the right time.
The notion popped into his head a few days later when they met out for lunch again, but Kyle was still stressed about this project he was trying to push through with the approval board and they spent a lot of time talking about that. It would feel strange, Draco decided, to suddenly turn the conversation towards him in that moment, and so he kept quiet.
The perfect opportunity came that next weekend when they were engaged in pillow talk. They were naked and relaxed, rehashing old relationships and what they learned from them. And yet Draco still kept it vague when it came to Astoria, focusing more on his time at Hogwarts and the dating he’d done before his marriage.
He wasn’t sure why he was so resistant, but he thought it was mostly to do with the fact that it was simply nice to be with someone who knew nothing of his past except what Draco saw fit to tell him. He wasn’t dishonest about his life, but he did find he could remake himself with Kyle, exist as the person he was now rather than the person he had been at any previous stage of his life, and that was liberating.
He knew, in the back of his mind, that there was a down side to this approach. If this continued, if he and Kyle began to develop much deeper feelings for each other, Kyle was eventually going to have to hear some unpleasant tales. How would he truly know Draco otherwise? Draco wasn’t particularly looking forward to telling some of them. Would Kyle see him differently, after all was said and done? Draco’s past didn’t exactly paint him in the most flattering light.
But he didn’t dwell on it. Instead he chose to have faith that he would be accepted for his problematic history as it began to surface. Kyle, after all, was far from perfect. His regular self-deprecation, Draco was learning, was merely a glimpse into what were some pretty deep-seated insecurities, mostly about relationships. He needed a lot of validation, and would make off-hand comments regularly about how Draco was out of his league or other such nonsense. Draco recognized them immediately as the sort of “joke that wasn’t really a joke,” and he did his best to squash them. But he did grow a bit weary of it sometimes
He was also a natural complainer. When talking about his work especially Kyle had a tendency to bad-mouth the other people in his department and vent his frustrations about what they were doing wrong. Draco couldn’t always blame him; some of the things Kyle described to him sounded incredibly frustrating. But Kyle never seemed much interested in solving the problems he encountered. Whenever Draco suggested a solution Kyle usually came up with some reason why it wouldn’t work, why it was futile to even try. It made Draco want to throw up his hands and question why Kyle was even bringing it up in the first place if he didn’t want to do anything about it. Instead he decided to let it go, knowing that Kyle probably just wanted to vent and air his grievances to a friendly ear.
Draco chose not to be daunted by these flaws, though. He knew it would be hypocritical to put too much stock in them, considering they were flaws he also recognized in himself. He was far from perfect, he knew, and it was only a matter of time before Kyle discovered just how imperfect Draco was.
And there was so much to like about Kyle. He was endlessly funny, with his trademark Word Vomit Syndrome sometimes leaving Draco in stitches. He was honest and kind, always listening closely to Draco and thinking deeply about what he said. He was intelligent in an understated way, and never felt a need to show it off, something Draco admired greatly.
And he was absolutely mad for Draco. Absolutely, unabashedly smitten. And Draco liked that quite a bit.
So the summer continued on, and Draco and Kyle continued on with it. They spent time together a few times a week, and agreed that they didn’t want to see other people, and were generally content to see where this would go.
Meanwhile, Draco was spending his free time with other friends, especially Pansy, and with work preparing for the coming school year. He still wrote his mother once a week, and she wrote him back consistently. Nothing in her letters indicated any knowledge of his coming out, and Draco assumed then that the Slytherins had kept their word. The gossip mill was not passing on this particular story, so it seemed. Draco had to admit himself relieved, even though he knew he was avoiding the inevitable. It was nice, though, to have a reprieve, to enjoy the bubble he was in with Kyle, at least for a little while.
He was also corresponding regularly with his students, and many of them were excited at the prospect of meeting Lindsey and talking to her about work in a potions lab. Once Draco had gauged interest he scheduled a gathering at the manor in mid-July. Over a dozen students indicated they would come, including McNeal, unquestionably the youngest of the bunch. Still, Draco was hardly surprised at her acceptance of the invitation.
The gathering was an unmitigated success, with his students simultaneously thrilled to meet such an expert in her field and to see the inner sanctum of Malfoy Manor. Draco made sure to keep Lindsey the center of attention, though he noticed the students throwing him surreptitious, curious glances at him every now and then. He suspected they were wondering if he and Lindsey were romantically involved. None of them were brave enough to ask outright, not even McNeal, and that suited him just fine.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be out at Hogwarts; he knew the staff and students both would accept him. But he was taking this one step at a time, and he’d already taken a major step these past few weeks. That was enough calculated risk-taking for the time being.
He showed his gratitude to Lindsey by inviting her to stay for dinner, and she accepted. He was glad to discover that there were no hard feelings about the fact that Draco was now seeing Kyle. Lindsey seemed genuinely happy for them, and genuinely happy to continue a friendship with him. And Draco, for his part, was happy to have someone to go on about Potions with, since Kyle continued to have little patience for the topic.
It didn’t take long for Draco’s run-in with Astoria to become just another event of the past, something he didn’t give much thought to. He was content to put all things regarding his ex-wife behind him, and keep looking ahead.
***
“What do you want to do tonight?”
Draco opened his eyes and blinked at Kyle. He’d been halfway to falling asleep in the heat of the summer afternoon and the warm weight of Kyle’s legs draped across his lap. Kyle was staring at him lazily, a half-smile on his face.
“I don’t rightly know,” Draco replied.
“Do you feel like going out? We could do something low-key, see a movie or something.”
Draco made a disinterested noise. “Being at the cinema just means we don’t get to talk.”
“True,” said Kyle. “You do like to talk during movies.”
Draco smacked him playfully on his shin. “That’s not what I meant.”
Kyle grinned. “I know.”
“I’d rather stay in, I think,” said Draco. “Does that make me boring?”
“Not at all,” said Kyle. “But I’m pretty tired of the takeout nearby. I’ve done it way too much recently. I want to find a new place.”
“Or we could make dinner,” Draco suggested, glancing behind him into Kyle’s small kitchen. It wasn’t often used. Draco had only ever watched Kyle make breakfast in the morning, and that was usually the basic bacon, egg, and toast.
“Can you cook?” Kyle asked, sounding surprised.
“No, not really,” Draco admitted with a sheepish grin.
“Me neither,” said Kyle, mirroring his expression.
“I know how to make spaghetti Bolognese. That’s about it. I suppose we could just go to the manor and have the elves cook for us.”
“No, spaghetti would be good,” said Kyle. “That’s easy, right? Just boil some pasta, heat the sauce on the stove. We could go to the grocery and pick that up, easy.”
“Well, I know how to make Bolognese from scratch. With tomatoes and onions and everything.”
“Really.” Kyle sounded genuinely excited. “Let’s do that. That sounds good.”
“It will be an adventure,” Draco warned him. “I won’t pretend to be a culinary expert.”
“I’m ok with that.”
“We could pick up a bottle of wine, too. Something Italian. Actually a friend of mine, the one I was telling you about who I work with at Hogwarts, her parents have a vineyard in Tuscany and they make great wine. I’d love to be able to find us a bottle of that for you to try.”
“Cool,” said Kyle. “Do you think my local place would carry it?”
“No Muggle places, probably,” Draco admitted. He thought a moment. “Our best bet is Diagon. They have that large shop with elven and wizard wine. We’re better off there, though it means a proper trip out.”
“That works, actually,” Kyle said. “Because I’ve been meaning to pick up a nice bottle of elven champagne for my coworker’s housewarming thing next week, and I keep putting it off. Besides,” he nudged Draco in the ribs with one of his feet, “it’ll be good for us. Get us out of the house.”
“Yeah,” Draco agreed. “All right.”
They did the grocery run first, Kyle following Draco around the Tesco while he tried to remember how many tomatoes he and Harry had used for the sauce they’d made all those months ago over the Christmas hols. He realized he hadn’t been paying all that much attention at the time, too engrossed in Harry and the music and the delicious wine.
In the spice aisle Draco told Kyle to grab anything that seemed Italian, making the brunet laugh.
“I assume oregano’s on the list?”
“Certainly. I’m pretty sure rosemary was involved as well.”
Kyle grabbed that, plus another jar lingering close by. “Thyme?”
“Yeah. Why not.”
“It’s good we’re doing this,” Kyle remarked, looking into their shopping basket. “I’ve always wanted to be one of those people with a cabinet full of spices.”
“Give off the impression you’re the kind of person who cooks for himself?” Draco ventured.
Kyle grinned. “Exactly.”
They were halfway to the front of the store when Draco realized that for it to be Bolognese it should probably have meat in it, and he dragged Kyle in search of some.
“And I’m thinking we’ll also need spaghetti?” Kyle added, still smiling.
Draco rolled his eyes at himself. Yes, spaghetti was rather a key ingredient, wasn’t it?
“We’re winging this a bit,” he admitted once they were finally in line to check out. “I hope that’s all right.”
“Like you said, it’s an adventure, right?” Kyle replied, looking perfectly content. Draco agreed with a nod.
After a quick stop back at Kyle’s to put the groceries away, they Apparated to Diagon Alley and found the wine shop they were looking for.
Draco had forgotten how large it was. There was aisle after aisle of every wine imaginable, every varietal, every region of the world. And that wasn’t including the beer, cider, and liquor selection. Draco felt a bit overwhelmed.
“Divide and conquer, I guess?” Kyle suggested. “I’ll get the champagne I need, and you look for that wine your friend makes.”
“Yeah sure,” said Draco. “No guarantees, though.”
“Well, if you can’t find it, just pick something that looks good.”
Draco nodded, and Kyle leaned down to give him a kiss. “See you in a few.”
Draco took another minute to look around and finally found his way to the Italian aisle, overcome again by the selection. He stopped at the Chianti section, eyes peeled for that familiar label. It wasn’t jumping out at him.
He continued to scan the shelves thoughtfully, bending to run a hand along some of the bottles. He really knew nothing about how to judge quality of this type of wine, he realized, except for going by price. He wished he could spot Francesca’s family’s label among them, but even upon closer examination it didn’t appear-
“They don’t carry it here, unfortunately.”
He froze. Not again, he thought immediately. This can’t be happening again.
That voice. Unlike the reaction Draco’d had to hearing Astoria, though, this made his blood sizzle. He felt a violent shiver overtake him, but it wasn’t entirely unpleasant.
“That’s a shame,” Draco said, straightening up, trying to keep his voice level. His eyes met emerald green ones, liberated from the barrier of spectacles. Harry was wearing his contacts today, apparently.
“Hi, Draco,” Harry said. His tone was neutral, maybe even a little flat, but it did things to Draco anyway. His heart was going double-time, and he took a deep breath.
“Hi, Harry.”
Harry looked good. He looked really good. His skin was glowing bronze and his hair seemed to have lightened too, and had subtle flecks of red in it. Resting atop that artfully mussed hair sat a pair of Ray-ban sunglasses, adding further to the impression that he was summertime incarnate. He wore a teal polo shirt that showed off his lean, strong arms and tight blue trousers that left nothing to the imagination.
Not that Draco needed his imagination. He’d seen it all. Which only made it worse, really.
“I tried to get them to carry Francesca’s wine here,” Harry said, as if Draco hadn’t just given him a long and obvious sweep with his eyes. “But it’s a small vineyard, you know, so they produce a limited amount.”
Draco nodded, still reeling but trying to recover. “Right. That makes sense. I suppose I’ll have to make do with one of these. Any suggestions?”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Just dinner. We’re having Italian, so I thought this was our best option.” He held back from saying that they were cooking spaghetti specifically. He somehow felt that Harry wouldn’t like the idea of him cooking that dish with someone else, though it sounded ridiculous and he couldn’t explain why.
“We? Who’s we?”
His stomach somersaulted. “Oh. Just me and my, um… boyfriend. Kyle.”
He thought he saw Harry’s eyes narrow for a moment, but perhaps he had imagined it.
“Boyfriend. The bloke that was with you earlier, who kissed you.”
Draco’s eyes widened in surprise. So Harry had seen that. Harry had known he was here, and waited until he was alone to talk to him. Draco didn’t know what that meant.
“That’s the one.”
“It’s serious, then?”
Again, Draco was surprised. “It’s new,” he said. “Very new. But monogamous.” He tried to keep any accusation or self-righteousness out of his tone, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded.
“I see. How did you meet him?”
“It’s a funny story, actually,” Draco said, aware that he was about to start babbling but somehow unable to stop it. “Pansy was trying to set me up with his sister, but I ended up hitting it off with him more, and one thing led to another and…” He trailed off, mostly because Harry didn’t seem to find the story all that funny, and Draco supposed it wasn’t, really.
“Interesting. He’s… worth the hassle then, I suppose.”
“Sorry?” Draco couldn’t make out Harry’s tone, because it was unlike anything he’d heard before from the man. It was almost… careful. Or maybe “controlled” was a better description.
“The hassle of coming out. You said… back in October, when we first…” Harry rolled his shoulders, and Draco immediately knew that Harry was somehow upset, or perhaps annoyed. “You said you didn’t know if it would be worth the hassle. Obviously you changed your mind. Obviously this… Kyle is worth the hassle.”
Draco watched him carefully. “Yes…” he said slowly. “I suppose he is. I like him quite a bit.”
“I see.”
“I’m sorry, are you… are you angry with me?”
“No,” Harry said, his jaw clenching. “No. It’s just good information to have. It’s nice to know these things, what’s worth it to you. Or who, I suppose I should say. It’s nice to know where I stand in all of this.”
“Where you stand.”
“That’s right.”
Draco stared at him, taking in the hard green eyes, the arms crossed over his chest. “You are angry,” he accused. “You’re angry that I wouldn’t come out while I was… while you and I were involved.”
“I said I wasn’t-“
“But you are. Which isn’t really fair, considering it was a completely different situation.”
“In what way?”
Draco looked around the store, hoping their slightly raised voices weren’t causing a scene. He leaned towards Harry, lowering his voice. “In the way that we talked about it being an arrangement where we weren’t exclusive and it wasn’t going to last and eventually we’d go back to just being friends. Kyle and I are dating. He’s my actual boyfriend who doesn’t see other people and who-“
“I wasn’t seeing other people,” Harry said, cutting him off but also doing his best to keep his voice down. “I told you that. I told you that in December. I didn’t date anyone else after that, for four months.”
“Out of circumstance,” Draco shot back. “Because you didn’t have time for anyone else.”
“That’s not why.”
“Well, it’s what you told me. You said it was because you were too busy with school and...” Draco’s heart was suddenly going hard and heavy, trying to sort this out, why they were having this argument, why Harry seemed… jealous. There was something… something was happening here, and he wasn’t sure he was entirely ready for it. And yet he pressed on. “Why would you tell me that if it wasn’t true?”
Harry bowed his head. “Sweet Merlin, Draco.”
“I just don’t understand what you expected. Did you expect me to come out before I was ready, before I fully understood my own sexuality and what I wanted from it? Did you expect me to come out and then be your lover on the side all summer, get my name in the papers as just another boy toy of the Savior? Sorry, wasn’t really interested in that.”
Harry’s entire face tightened. “Of course not. Who ever said it would be like that?”
“It’s the logical course of events, is it not? Given your proclivities?”
Harry stepped closer to him. “Don’t pretend to be a judgmental arse, Draco. It doesn’t suit you. That’s not who you are anymore, and we both know it.”
Draco turned away a moment, ashamed he had said that. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t pass any judgment that you have multiple lovers. Or I don’t want to, anyway. But it’s not for me. I tried it, and it’s not for me. I don’t think it’s fair for you to fault me for that either.”
“I don’t,” Harry replied softly.
Draco looked at him again. “I didn’t want to be one of many. So I made a choice. I’m sorry if I… if I hurt you.”
Harry’s eyes turned sad. “You weren’t one of many. That was the point.”
“But how long would it have lasted?” Draco countered. “You had others, just… just waiting for you. You went back to them after we ended. I mean, immediately after.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Francesca told me you were leaving the grounds at least once a week.”
Harry snorted. “I was.”
“So…”
“So… I wasn’t out… shagging other people, if that’s what you were assuming.” He rolled his eyes at Draco’s furrowed brow. “I was visiting Ron and Hermione. She was about to have the baby, and I wanted to be away from Hogwarts a bit, to clear my head. And then she gave birth and I decided to just keep visiting, to help out, to spend time with them, and with Rose. My new goddaughter.”
Draco stared at him, trying to process that. “Oh.”
Harry came closer still, his voice so soft Draco had to lean forward to hear. “I haven’t been with anyone else since… since us. I haven’t been with anyone. I can’t bring myself to.”
“Why not?” Draco breathed, unable to take his eyes off Harry and the starkly vulnerable look on his face.
“What would be the point?” Harry asked, and his eyes were suddenly so… so tender that it made Draco dizzy. “None of them are you. None of them even come close. So… what would be the point?”
Draco swallowed with difficulty, his mouth suddenly dry. He wanted… he didn’t even know what he wanted, except that he needed Harry to keep talking. He needed to know, once and for all.
“What are you saying?” he asked. “That you-“
“Draco?”
Both men jumped apart automatically at the sound of Kyle’s voice. The man appeared a moment later, smiling when he caught sight of them.
“There you are. Sorry, took forever to figure out what I should get.” He came closer, a bottle clutched in his hand, but stopped abruptly when he saw whom Draco was with. “Holy shit. You’re Harry Potter.”
Draco closed his eyes. This was not what he needed right now.
“Yes,” Harry replied simply.
“I’m Kyle Bergeron,” the Canadian went on, extending a hand towards Harry. “It’s a real honor to meet you.”
Harry took Kyle’s hand and shook it, but otherwise didn’t reply.
“Buying wine too, I guess,” Kyle said after a beat of silence, seemingly oblivious to the tension between the other two wizards.
“Just browsing.” The smile Harry gave Kyle was so bland it may as well have been non-existent.
“Sure, sure.” Kyle looked at Draco. “Did you find it?”
“What?” Draco said, tearing his eyes from Harry.
“Your friend’s wine. Did you find it?”
“Oh. No, they don’t have it.”
“That’s too bad. I was hoping to try it.”
“It’s a rare vintage,” Harry offered flatly. “Hard to come by.”
“Apparently.” Kyle grinned at both of them. “Well, what should we do?”
“What are you making?” Harry asked him.
Draco closed his eyes again in dread.
“Spaghetti Bolognese,” Kyle said.
“Hm,” said Harry. “You don’t say.”
Draco made the mistake of meeting Harry’s eyes then, and he knew he wasn’t imagining the look of betrayal in them.
“It’s the only thing I know how to make,” Draco found himself murmuring apologetically. Harry’s eyes were still locked with his, his face inscrutable.
“Neither of us are exactly culinary aficionados,” Kyle added cheerfully.
Harry stared at Draco a second more before turning to the bottles in front of them. After some consideration he plucked one off the shelf and offered it to Kyle.
“Can’t go wrong with this one,” he said. “Reliably good, and a decent price.”
“Hey, thanks,” Kyle said, taking the bottle and showing it to Draco. “What do you think?”
“Yeah. Great,” said Draco, not even really seeing the label through the haze of the things Harry had just said to him.
“Well, I should be off,” said Harry, pulling the sunglasses off his head and putting them on. Which, despite the fact that it shielded his gorgeous eyes, only served to make him look even hotter. “It was nice to meet you,” he said, nodding at Kyle. He turned to Draco. “See you at school. Have a good summer.”
“You too,” Kyle replied.
Draco meant to echo the sentiment, but he found his throat was too tight to speak. He simply watched Harry walk away and out the door, wishing he could go after him. He had so much more he needed to know. And more he needed to say.
“I didn’t realize you were friends with Harry Potter.”
“Hm?” Draco shook himself and turned to Kyle. “Oh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “We’ve known each other since we were boys. And we teach at Hogwarts together now.”
“Right, of course,” said Kyle. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”
Draco shrugged.
“He’s gay, you know.”
Draco snorted. “Yes, I’m aware.”
“I’ve heard he’s a little…” Kyle leaned in conspiratorially. “You know. A little slutty. Is that true?”
Draco managed his reaction as best he could. He hated that word, especially when used in regards to Harry. “I wouldn’t know,” he replied. What business was it of Kyle’s anyway?
“Oh. You two don’t talk about that stuff?”
Draco shook his head. “I think we have everything. Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah,” said Kyle, nodding emphatically. “Yeah, sure.”
“Great.” He took the bottle from Kyle, finally managing a small smile. “My treat.”
Kyle smiled back, and Draco turned away, wondering what the hell just happened.
Teddy-Potter95: I’m glad you find Kyle lovely because I do too! I’m definitely sad for him and I wasn’t expecting to feel that way. Kyle managed to work his way into my heart. But we know Draco belongs with Harry, so even though Kyle could be good for him, Harry is better. Especially now that he’s done some soul-searching and decided to come clean to Draco about how he feels. Or at least, he’s trying to. We’ll just have to see how all that goes…
I also like that you found the way Draco came out to Pansy funny. I had a good time with that one :)
lisz: I’m so glad! Thanks for reviewing <3
Shaymarsh640: Yay! I’m so happy you love that line! I was pleased when I thought of it haha.
I appreciate you coming into the chapter with an open mind and also rereading and letting your opinion evolve. I do feel like this thing with Kyle is multi-layered, because I actually do really like him and I even like him with Draco. But you’re right, the things about him that make him good for Draco are things that Harry also provides, and Harry does it better, I think. Harry understands Draco in a way Kyle never can. Part of Draco’s major issue regarding being with Harry was the lack of commitment, and he sees that potential with Kyle, which is why he’s drawn to him. But things are changing, as you see in this chapter.
I’ll be interested to know what you think of where I’m taking it, since I know you weren’t sure how I was going to get Drarry back together. It’s not done yet, but we’re on our way.
And the women – especially Pansy, coming up – will be a key part of Draco figuring things out finally (I mean, are we surprised?)
Thanks for another great review! You really helped motivate me with this one <3
DebraRose: Thanks! That means a hell of a lot. As you can see, Kyle’s not going to last much longer, so don’t worry :)
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A Secondary Education