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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10669 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Remebrance
- 2-2.
- 3-3.
- 4-4.
- 5-5.
- 6-6.
- 7-7.
- 8-8.
- 9-9.
- 10-10.
- 11-11.
- 12-12.
- 13-13.
- 14-14.
- 15-15.
- 16-16.
- 17-17.
- 18-18.
- 19-19.
- 20-20.
- 21-21.
- 22-22.
- 23-23.
- 15
- 16
- 17
“Oh, stop sulking, Severus. McGonagall is only concerned about you. A feeling I hate to admit I share. Nimue’s tits, why didn’t you say something before you let it get as bad as this? You know you can ask anything of either myself of Narcissa.

They were sitting comfortable in his living room, Minerva having brought a tea tray in before strategically retreating back to the kitchen with an encouraging pat on Severus’s shoulder and a significant look at Lucius. Severus was still stewing over Minerva’s unnecessary disclosure about the state she’d found him and his house in. Lucius had looked nauseated enough the few times he’d lowered himself to enter the building before, and he’d never seen it other than as clean and neat as it could possibly be.

Lucius eventually sighed and pulled the tray towards him. “Seems like I’m playing house-elf today. Since you seem to have already consumed all the decent drink in the house, this will have to do, I suppose.”

He poured two cups both with a small amount of milk, before grabbing one for himself. Clearly ‘playing house-elf’ didn’t extend to passing him a cup.

Severus watched as his friend grimaced faintly at the shabby old tea set, before taking a tentative sip. The tea must have been up to scratch, as he quickly took another before settling back regally in his seat and pinning Severus with a determined look.

“Explain something to me, old friend. Before this law came along, you were obsessed with the girl, and by your own reckoning, she with you too. You weren’t prepared to consider a single other woman when you heard about the law, and you made all that effort to make her think you cared for her. Why, even though you knew damn well she was saving herself for you and would have married you in a flash, marriage law or not?

“What’s your point?” Severus muttered defensively.

Why then, did the two of you make each other so bloody miserable?”

Severus took a slow sip of his whiskey, mumbling something unintelligible into his glass as he did so.

“Speak up. Your whiskey may have no interest in your pathetic love life, but for some unimaginable reason, I do.”

Severus finally lifted his head to glare at his friend.

“Oh, come off it, that look might have worked on your students, and weak-minded simpletons, but it’s never worked on me.”

He growled. “I was not obsessed with her!”

Lucius snorted into his glass as he took another sip. “What would you call it then?”

It took a moment for Severus to reply. “Interested,” he replied casually. “Merely interested. What wizard wouldn’t be, in a young, intelligent witch who is clearly attracted to them? Of course I was going to take notice.”

Irritatingly, Lucius laughed again, the rich sound intimating that he knew something Severus didn’t.

1 month 3 weeks earlier
The surprise in her eyes at finding him waiting for her was quickly smothered, but there was a strangeness to her expression that he couldn’t make out at all. Just when had she become so good at concealing her feelings, he wondered. Or when had he become so bad at reading them? She didn’t seem to be able to meet his eyes.

“Wife,” he growled, taking a perverse pleasure in watching the pain flit across her face at being addressed so. “I was expecting you last night. I thought you’d be in a rush to unshackle yourself from me,” he said snidely.

She looked at up at him disbelievingly for a moment, before dropping her eyes once more. “There was a lot going on at the Ministry,” she replied in a quiet voice. “I was required to stay and assist the Minister. It wasn’t a unanimous vote, as I’m sure you’re aware, and there were more than a few prominent members of society who were not happy about the annulment of their marriages.”

Severus could well imagine there were. The number of male casualties on either side of the second wizarding war had left the genders unbalanced, particularly within the younger generations. There had been a number of witches who had been forced to marry older wizards. He’d even heard of a number of muggle-born women who’d been badly mistreated by husbands who had chosen them for that specific purpose. There had been a large number of the Dark Lord’s supporters who had managed to avoid Azkaban, mainly because there was no evidence to convict them.

One of the problems with wizarding society, as he saw it, were various archaic laws that had never been changed, and kept them firmly in the 15^th Century. One particular law prevented women from easily divorcing or pressing charges against husbands who abused them. His own mother, having come from a traditional pureblood family, had found it impossible to even conceive leaving his bastard of a father. No doubt, unlike her, these newly emancipated witches would be taking the chance to prosecute, especially considering their marriages would have been annulled, therefore meaning they legally weren’t married at the time of any offenses.

Knowing his wife, the plight of these witches would have been one of the reasons she had been fighting to get the law thrown out, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she has specifically pushed for annulments, rather than divorces, for this particular purpose. He could almost feel proud of her, if he wasn’t being done out of his own wife in the process.

He was snapped out of his thoughts suddenly as she began to move towards the staircase. He stood quickly, stepping after her.

“Where are you going?”

She turned, shrinking back as she found him closer than expected.

“I uh… I’m tired. I only managed a short nap in between meetings.” Her voice was quiet and she couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I see... And what of the annulment form you no doubt have in your bag?”

She clutched her bag tighter to her side, almost involuntarily.

“I… I thought it might wait. I could do with some sleep before…”

“You thought, but I do not. There is no point waiting any longer to end this. Do you have the form?” He looked at her expectantly.

“I… Yes.” She whispered hesitantly, although he could not understand her reluctance.

He stepped back to give her access to the small table. She didn’t move, but watched him warily with shadowed eyes.

“Well…?” His patience was wearing thin. Why was she so disinclined to get this over and done with?

Finally she moved toward the table, unclasping her bag and pulling out a rolled piece of parchment. She smoothed it out over the table with clumsy fingers, before turning back to her bag and rattling around in in for a quill and ink. She set down the quill, then tried to open the bottle. Severus could see how her fingers were shaking, and pulled the ink out of her fingers to remove the lid himself. She looked up at him gratefully for a moment, making him scowl with irritation. He’d only been concerned about her spilling it on the carpet.

His expression made her swallow hard and look away, reaching for the quill, before dipping it in the ink he’d put down on the table. She tapped it gently on the side of the neck, dislodging the excess liquid, and brought the nib to hover over the bottom of the parchment. She paused, looking troubled.

“Get on with it,” he snarled after a few seconds had passed and she still had not moved. The pressure in his chest threatened to overwhelm him, and he could feel the muscles in his legs quivering. Was it anger? If it was, it was unlike any he had felt before, even though he had so much experience with the feeling. He was well acquainted with being abandoned too. His soon-to-be-ex-wife was just another person who had pretended to care for him; his mother, his father – not that either of them had ever truly deserved those titles – Dumbledore, Lily… and now her.

Maybe there was only so much a person could take before it was too much. Perhaps that was why it felt so much worse this time. Perhaps she had finally broken him, after so many years of standing strong against the world that had always believed the worst of him. It would certainly explain the feeling of his chest ripping in two, as he watched her scratch out her name at the bottom of the parchment. All that was needed now was his own signature.

Willing his trembling hand to snatch the quill from hers without betraying his inner turmoil, he quickly scrawled his name next to hers.

“I’ll allow you the pleasure of filing that with the Ministry,” he snapped.

No doubt she’d be rushing off immediately. Severus flung the quill down and stalked off without another glance at her. Slamming the door to his lab shut behind him, he stomped down the stairs, and found himself sinking down to the bottom step, as the weakness of his limbs finally became too much to hold him up.

After a few moments, he heard the slow, soft creaking of the stairs leading to the first floor above his head. Why was she still here, and not rushing to finalise the divorce he wasn’t sure. He could only hope she wasn’t planning on waiting until the next day to take it in. He didn’t think he could cope with her being under the same roof any longer when their marriage was all but officially ended.

Severus sat there are stewed in his own misery, barely even aware of the gentle popping and bubbling that indicated that the potion he’d left to simmer was ready for the final ingredient. Sometime later he heard quiet footsteps making their way back down the stairs. Straining his ears to hear, he noticed them pause for a few moments in the sitting room, the old, slightly rotten floorboards giving way slightly under her weight.

They then moved again, and for a moment he couldn’t make out where she had gone. Then he heard the faintest sound of her work shoes – sensibly sized black heels – clicking on the cheap kitchen floor tiles. She paused again, outside the door at the top of the lab stairs. Severus held his breath.

Sitting there, on the dusty, cold step, straining to hear her, the realisation that he didn’t want her to go suddenly dawned on him. For a moment, he tried telling himself that it was only for his convenience that he wanted her to stay – for the meal she cooked, the cleaning, the sex – lousy as it was. Perhaps it was the fact that she was the only one who had ever wanted him for himself. All the others had only wanted him for either his power or fame, whereas she actually found his attractive for some reason. For his appearance as well as his mind.

You know that’s not why you want her to stay, his conscience whispered. There’s a far more… important reason.

Pushing himself to his feet, he unsteadily began to make his way upstairs before he allowed himself to finish that thought. Opening the door with the half-formed intention of asking her to stay, he was surprised to find the kitchen empty. She had gone.
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To have loved, and lost (was Missed Chances)