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Duck Duck Goose	By : MysticSong Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 14139 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Duck . . . Duck . . . Goose!

By MysticSlave (MysticSong1978 & Slave4Severus)
Author�s Note:
Disclaimer: We own nothing but the story concepts. All HP characters and similarities to the books are JK�s. Much to our disappointment.
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Chapter Seventeen: Father Time, That Insufferable Git
Hermione was sitting in her office, hands against her face as spasms wracked her lower body. �Lucky me,� she muttered to herself, �weeks, months even, of irritable bowel syndrome and not one of the potions I�ve brewed has done a thing for it.�
She loathed the thought of going to see Poppy over this. Even though the medi-witch knew that Hermione was still living inside of Severus� body, the entire situation was still a bit too ludicrous and unfathomable for Hermione to deal with. Although it was a new problem for Severus� body, as far as she knew, it was something she had dealt with regularly with her period and some part of her hoped that perhaps this meant that the potion was wearing off and she was beginning to be susceptible to physical problems that she, as Hermione Granger, would be facing soon. Logically she reasoned that could not be the true.
Why? While she and Severus had spent equal amounts of time in another person�s body, Seamus was new to the equation. If the potion was time-released, it had not been near long enough for Seamus to be released from her body. It was truly too bad that Neville�s inventions were all products of such disastrous accidents that no one would ever be able to determine what precisely had caused this new creation; it was actually rather useful . . . if the making of could be discovered so that an antidote was readily available.
She sighed again as her insides twitched and jumped intermittently; a cold sweat trickled down her chest, soaking the fine Victorian shirt in which she was clad.
�Perhaps one more trip to the loo will suffice before it is time for breakfast,� she thought miserably, wishing she could get her hands on some Imodium AD; sometimes Muggle medicine really did the best job.
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Severus slipped silently into the Great Hall; he had kept up with his friendship of Ron and Harry despite the fact that the Headmaster had moved him out of Gryffindor Tower, citing nonsensical reasons, typical of Albus, to the two boys, and giving them severe consequences were they to enquire further reasons from Seamus himself.
He had been sleeping easier apart from the two boys, although he found himself wondering what Miss G . . . Hermione had been up to ever since that night. They never told Albus what had transpired; neither the unexpected frolicking of the Death Eaters nor what had passed by afterwards. Severus had the sinking feeling that the Headmaster already knew and was simply waiting for one of them to come forward while he waited gleefully like a child awaiting the summer hols, but was not about to broach the subject.
Reasonably, he knew that Albus would not and could not find fault in the night of passion the two had shared all those weeks ago. Not with all the other . . . relationships that were carried out in the hallow halls of Hogwarts.
Still, he kept his silence; both from Albus, and oddly, from Hermione. They still met for Seamus� supposed detention that had been set for the period of indefinite, and the real Seamus, now in Hermione�s body, had been released from her Potions Apprenticeship until further notice. Minerva was not as delighted as he would have assumed she would be until he found out that the cat, so to speak, had been let out of the bag, and while the Deputy Headmistress might have been missing her lover, knowing that Seamus was currently the one residing in her body was not nearly as tempting.
Severus resigned himself to knowing that the horror that Seamus must have felt when he too was first cajoled into some sort of indecent, in his eyes, positioning with the older professor, would have to be punishment enough for Seamus� actions in the classroom that had brought this latest body-switching about.
He fiddled with his breakfast, not really seeing it, not really feeling hungry. Truthfully, he was feeling a bit ill. His coffee, a drink that warmed his heart and woke him from his morning stupor, tasted burnt as of late, yet Dean, one of the few boys at the table who shared his liking for coffee, said it tasted fine to him. Severus could not find fault with the preparation of it nor the other boy�s opinion, for Dean was as pernickety as he was in regards to coffee, thus he hoped that it was Seamus� soul slowly feeding its way back into his body. Perhaps Seamus was not a coffee person; they did not usually serve coffee to students, so his dorm mates would have no reason to know whether he was or not, thus they had nothing to base his wavering tastes on.
�Please, Merlin, please let this nightmare of a life be coming to an end. I cannot stomach much more of this.�
Severus sat upright with a jolt as he felt a comforting hand on his back. He turned to see Harry watching him carefully. He knew from his time in Hermione�s body that despite the faults the boy may have, or that Severus assumed he had, Harry was truly very caring, especially towards those he considered friends.
�Are you all right, Seamus? You look a little pale this morning.�
Severus shook his head, and then nodded, to indicate it was a bit of feeling all right, and truthfully, being a bit ill. �I don�t know what is wrong with me, Harry. Overall, I feel okay, yet I feel a bit clammy and my coffee hasn�t tasted right to me for days.�
Harry frowned. �Maybe you have a cold. I think that changes the way flavours taste. You should go see Pomfrey before classes start. Come, I�ll go with you. I need to talk with her anyhow.�
Severus sighed wearily, but accept Harry�s offer. For whatever reason, he did not want to confront Hermione over this new development. She had enough on her mind these days anyhow. Draco had developed a nervous tick after his detention that night all those weeks ago. Hermione never expanded on that, and Draco was not willing to share any details either, but he required a lot of unexpected care from the person he believed to be his Head of House. Hermione, he was proud to see, handled it with dignity and grace.
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�Mr. Potter! What are you doing here so early in the morning? Even you couldn�t have injured yourself already!�
Harry chuckled. �No, I brought Seamus to see you. He isn�t feeling well and I thought maybe he had a cold. I was also interested in talking about the apprenticeship you mentioned. You�re right, the more I thought about it, I really don�t want to spend my life being an Auror, and as Hermione put it, I do have a �saving-people-thing� so a career in Medi-Wizardry has begun to sound very appealing.
Madam Pomfrey smiled delightfully at him. �Let me check Mr. Finnegan over, and then we can sit down for a chat before your classes start.�
She directed Severus over to a bed, where she had him lay down before she began running scans over his body. A frown crept across her face as a bluish-pink light rose up from his general abdominal area.
�Seamus doesn�t have a cold; I�m afraid his . . . symptoms are bit more serious than that. Mr. Potter, I am afraid our discussion will have to wait; I need to have a private chat with your friend right away.�
Harry�s eyes widened in alarm. �All right, Madam Pomfrey,� he murmured as he looked as Severus who had gone a shade paler. Harry stood and walked over to the bed Severus was sitting on and leaned over to give the other boy a brief hug before he left the infirmary.
When Harry had gone, Severus turned to face the Medi-Witch. �What is this all about, then, Poppy?�
�I have bad news, Severus, quite bad news. However, before I can declare the results I am seeing as one-hundred percent positive, I really need to see Miss Granger as well. Let me fire-call her, she should be free right now.�
Severus just nodded, far more worried than he could let on. There were a number of quite serious wizard illnesses that centred on the abdominal region; ones far worse than the Muggle appendicitis.
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Hermione�s head snapped upward in surprise when Poppy�s voice drifted into her ears.
�Yes, Poppy? Are you out of a potion you simply cannot do without and are going to bother me until I produce a set of vials for you?�
Poppy frowned. �Just because you are living in Severus� body doesn�t mean you have to treat me like him.�
Hermione sighed. �I�m not really that different from Severus; there wasn�t a lot of acting required from me. I am sorry though; I really haven�t been feeling that well as of late and didn�t want to come see you about it.�
�Well, you need to come see me now. I�m not here for potions. I�m here because I have Severus sitting in the infirmary feeling rather ill. I believe I know the cause, but I need to run a similar scan on you to be sure.�
Hermione�s brow furrowed in thought, before she shrugged and waved a hand at Poppy, acquiescing with her odd request.
Poppy disappeared, and Hermione slowly and grudgingly, stepped into the fireplace to Floo to the infirmary.
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Hermione was dismayed to find that Severus looked as poorly as she felt, perhaps worse. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked as if he too, perhaps, had not been eating much as of late.
�Now, Hermione, you sit down next to Severus so I can run a double-scan over both of you.�
When she was seated, Poppy took her wand out and re-ran the check she had performed on Severus earlier. The same glow emanated from Hermione�s body.
Poppy frowned at her charges. �Well, you two have certainly gotten yourselves into a fix!�
Hermione quirked a brow at the disgruntled matron. �Perhaps you would care to tell us what is going on, Poppy? If it would not be too much trouble.�
Poppy smirked. �I can see you haven�t had your morning coffee either.�
Hermione looked startled, if a bit abashed, but turned towards Severus in astonishment. �You cannot even function without your coffee, Severus, why did you skip yours?�
Severus scowled. �It tasted . . . off. Burnt. But Dean Thomas assured me that it was finely prepared.�
�My scans also indicate that you have been having abdominal pains, and that you have been having secretions from your . . . chest area, although perhaps you might not have noticed that as it could have been mistaken for sweat. Oily sweat, but sweat. Oh, and, yes, frequent urination.�
Hermione scowled as well. �I assumed it was leftover from Minerva�s punishment.�
Poppy hid a grin. �If it were just you that had suffered as such from frequent urination, I would say your assessment stood, but Severus has experienced it as well, and Minerva did not hex him.�
Severus and Hermione shifted impatiently, waiting for Poppy to come to the point.
Poppy shook her head, contemplated calling Albus down, decided against it at the surly expression on Severus� face, and, anticipating the worse, flicked her wand at the two, encasing them in a cushioning charm.
Severus jumped as he felt the spell encase him. �What is the meaning of this Poppy?� he exclaimed, poking at the air around him.
�A cushioning charm, Severus.�
�Yes, Poppy, even I know that much. What is the purpose of it in this situation?�
Poppy sighed, restraining her urge to give him a perfectly legitimate if completely unhelpful and quite snarky answer. �Simply put, Severus, because I think one, if not both of you, shall faint when I tell you what your diagnosis is.�
Severus raised a brow in disbelief as Hermione snorted.
Poppy paused, trying to find the right words, but as her patients grew more discomfited, she shrugged. �You�re pregnant; the both of you.�
Eyes widened at this pronouncement.
�What!�
�You. Are. Pregnant. Carrying. A. Child. Both. Of. You. I hate it when people need it spelled out for them!�
Hermione�s mouth gaped. �I did not even know that was possible!�
Severus sighed. �I did, Hermione, but it never . . .� He blushed furiously as he realised what Poppy would infer from that. Even if it were true. �But we only had sex one way. Hermione never . . .� He felt his cheeks grow even hotter as he realised what truth awaited him.
�Bugger!�
Severus fainted.
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�Severus?�
He heard a distinctly irritating voice at the surface of his mind as the world swam into focus.
A groan escaped his lips as he recognized the brightly twinkling eyes of the Headmaster staring at him; a smile gracing his lips.
He sat up, now grateful for the charm that Poppy had placed upon him earlier, for he was not sore at all. At least, no more than he was before Poppy told him that . . . �Bugger.�
Severus turned his head to see Hermione sitting in the chair next to his bed, looking decidedly thoughtful, if a bit put out. Not that he blamed her.
Being pregnant was bad enough; being pregnant in your male surly Potion professor�s body was even worse.
�I am sorry, Hermione,� Severus murmured, motioning towards the spot on her . . . his body that he imagined the pregnancy would soon reveal itself.
Hermione�s gaze met his and held for a moment, reading the truths that lay within. �You have nothing to apologize for Severus. Even if I did not know the possible results of our actions.�
She turned to Albus for a moment. �Perhaps you should introduce �Sex-Ed 101: Wizarding Style� into the Muggle Studies curriculum. It would save a great many Muggleborns quite a bit of embarrassment.�
Albus merely nodded at Hermione, looking thoughtful and bemused.
Hermione turned back to Severus. �If anyone should apologize, it should be Harry and Ron; or at least Ron. He should be aware what their activities could result in.�
Severus shook his head, surprising himself by his willingness to defend the youngest male Weasley. �How do we know that Harry, Ron, and Seamus hadn�t already discussed this? They would not have any reason to bring the subject up again. Perhaps they were using a potion, which is not one-hundred percent reliable �� Hermione snickered. �Or some other unreliable method?�
Hermione sighed. �I see your point, but if they never discussed it at all, I am going to personally kill Ron.�
Severus sighed. �It�s a sweet thought, Hermione, but if he is the . . . Father of my child, killing him seems considerably poor planning.� �Sweet? Did I just use the word sweet?� Severus winced. Hormones were a terrible thing.
Albus patted Severus on the shoulder. �Well, the good thing is that Hermione will no longer be forced to pretend to be you, Severus.�
�What? Why on earth not? The potion has not shown any signs of wearing off yet. What we mistook for signs of that, most unfortunately turned out to be signs of pregnancy!�
Albus smiled; a thin smile, though his eyes were full of humour, as he gave Severus a look that plainly said Severus was being a bit thick.
�My dear boy, you cannot possibly expect her to teach Potions while pregnant, now can you? Think of the danger both your body and the child�s would be in were she to be exposed to any of the fumes or worse, an accident.�
�Fine,� Severus grumbled. �Just what do you plan to do in her . . . our absence? Please do not tell me you are planning to teach my students again. It took me months to convince them that Potions was not a joyous subject full of frivolity last time you took over in my stead.�
�No worries, Severus, no worries. I have the perfect candidate in mind. He should be here early next week, so we just shall cancel Potions until then so that you can get the classroom ready for a new professor. Your chambers and private labs will remain under your watch only, but do try to stay away from anything dangerous while in your current conditions,� he finished, giving the two a stern look.
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