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Shadows Of The Past	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Lucius/Hermione Views: 64110 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to HP or the HP Universe, all things recognizable are the property of JKR and WB. No money is made from the sharing of this fic, just smiles and friends. =)

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Chapter Seventeen: Freedom in Truth

Where it all comes out.

If there was one thing Ron knew without a shadow of a doubt it was a pissed off Hermione. He had been on the receiving end of her wicked temper on more than one scary occasion and from the look on her face as she barreled through the backdoor he was about to increase that number. Her eyes were narrowed and her shoulders back and she was coming straight for him though for the life of him he had no idea why.

�You idiots!� She growled through clenched teeth as she cuffed both Ron and George on the side of the head, knocking their hard skulls together.

�Ouch!� They both shouted at the same time as they rubbed their abused noggins.

�What was that for?� George asked. Loud groans and whimpers of pain filled the air as Hermione pinched their earlobes between her fingers and jerked their heads down so that they were eye to eye.

�Did you happen to hear that crack of disapparation? That was Lucius taking our son home because he was too upset to stay.� Her voice was raised and her amber eyes were bright with temper. �And do you know why he was so upset? Because he overheard you two gossiping like a couple of old biddies about him being a Malfoy!�

Both men paled and their faces took on masks of guilt. Several �uh ohs� and gasps sounded from the others present as they realized what it meant. Elias now knew that Lucius was his father. It was always meant that she and Lucius would tell him when they felt he was ready to hear it and able to understand but instead he overhears it from a couple of careless words spoken by friends. She gave their lobes an extra hard squeeze and then shoved them away from her, afraid that she just might hex them she was so angry.

�Mione�I�I�m sorry�.I didn�t think he was nearby�.I�we never�.we would never do anything to hurt Elias, we love him!� Ron stammered. He understood why she was angry.

�You know that he hears everything, you know the rule! We never, ever speak of it unless you know exactly where he is!� She balled her fists and growled in frustration. �I have to go. Thanks to you two I have to go home now and explain to my four year old son that the stranger who came into our lives a couple of months ago is his father. I have no idea how I am going to make him understand the unusual circumstances surrounding his birth!�

�I�m sorry�really I am.� Ron said softly, moving forward to stand in front of her. �I would never hurt you or him in a million years.�

�I�m sorry too�.but maybe it�s a good thing.� George said. �Elias is the brightest little kid I have ever seen. He is wise and clever and I think he understands so much more than you give him credit for. Just be honest with him, within reason of course, and it will be fine.� She knew he meant well, that he was offering her comfort and encouragement but she couldn�t see beyond her anger.

�You know what, George? That doesn�t make me feel any better! This is MY son, MY story to tell when I felt the time was right and I trusted you all to be careful with my son, trusted you all to respect my family and respect my choices. Now look�.my son is hurt and confused and my�my wizard feels disrespected and unwelcome. I�ve got to go.� She said, turning her back on them. �I�m sorry to run out on a party and I apologize for the drama.� She said softly. �Harry, you and Ginny owl me when you get back from your trip.� They were essentially eloping though it wasn�t a secret. She didn�t wait for them to answer and wasn�t so certain that she wanted to hear anything anyone had to say at that moment. So she simply walked out the backdoor, not bothering to stop walking as she disapparated onto the front porch of her own home. She hesitated before going inside, taking deep breaths to calm her nerves.

When she finally did go inside she found Lucius sitting on the sofa beside Elias, already dressed in his pajamas and waiting for her. The expectant look on her son�s face and the nervous expression on Lucius�s made her stomach tighten and a wave of nausea wash over her, threatening to take her under.

�Why don�t I make us some tea and some cocoa for Elias before we talk?� She said softly as she walked by them. She was stalling, she knew it and Lucius knew it too but he let her go. She needed to get it together and be strong for Elias, strong so that she could support Lucius. She returned a few minutes later carrying a tray of mugs, her nerves calmed only slightly.

Once everyone had been served she sat cross-legged on the floor at Lucius�s feet and smiled softly at her son. It was a day she both dreaded and longed for, the day when her lies and withholding would be revealed, the day when she would have to openly admit her mistakes and the day she would �officially� have to share her son.

�Alright, Baby, ask your questions, anything you want to know we will answer as best we can.� She prompted. Elias picked a marshmallow out of his mug, his little brows drawn together as his brain began to form questions.

�Did you know Lucius was my dad?� he asked innocently.

�Of course I did.� She smiled at his innocence. �Baby, before we go further why don�t you tell us what you know about how babies are made.� His answer would help her determine the explanation she was certain she would have to give.

�Mummies and Daddies sleep in the same bed and then the Mummy gets real fat and a baby comes.� He said. �Did you sleep in the same bed and get fat?�

�Your mother and I knew each other a long time ago, Elias, when your mother was at Hogwarts.� Lucius said quietly. �I did sleep in her bed, once. But then I had to leave.�

�Oh�you didn�t want a little boy?� Elias asked, his sweet vulnerability nearly made Hermione weep. �Is that why you went away?�

�Oh no!� Lucius�s voice was soft yet strained as he reached for Elias and pulled him into his lap. �That isn�t it at all. I couldn�t ask for a better little boy than you, Elias. I didn�t know that we had made you when I went away and I was in a place where your mother couldn�t reach me so she couldn�t tell me about you. It wasn�t until I came back and found your mother that I learned that I had a little boy.�

�Far away? Were you at ass-can?� He asked, his eyes wide.

�Elias, that isn�t a polite question.� Hermione scolded gently. How in the world did he know of such a place? No doubt it was one more thing he had learned from the boys. They liked to regale Elias with tales of the war and their own heroism.

�I don�t want to lie to you, Elias, I always want to be honest with you. Yes, I was in Azkaban, though I think you said it best.� Lucius�s smile was a little sad. Hermione knew that it couldn�t have been easy for him to admit his imprisonment to a child who adored him and know that with his admission he risked losing the boy�s love, trust and respect.

�What did you do? Were you very bad?� Elias was awed by this news. �Did you see the detempters?�

�Dementors. And yes, I was very bad and I made very bad decisions for my life.� Lucius said.

�Were you a dead deer?� He asked.

�Death eater.� Hermione said.

�That�s what I said.� Elias responded. �Were you?�

�That was the worst of my bad choices.� Lucius answered. He sat in silence while Elias stared at him for several long moments and then reached for his hand and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt cuff. Lucius understood what he wanted to see so he sat still and allowed his son to uncover the brand that would always remind him of the evil he once perpetrated.

�Elias!� Hermione was horrified at her son�s boldness. What in the world had the boys been telling him? How did he know about the dark mark and why did he want to see it?

�It�s alright, Darling, let him see.� Lucius said as Elias slowly pushed the sleeve up to stare at the slightly faded black mark on his arm. Tiny, innocent fingers traced the skull and serpent and Lucius could almost swear that he felt something inside him change and lighten, as though something broken were being healed again.

�Does it hurt?� Elias whispered.

�Not anymore.� Lucius said. �Are you disappointed?� He asked brokenly.

�Are you sorry?� Elias asked, looking up and tilting his little head to side.

�Yes.�

�Mum says that doing bad things can be forgived sometimes if you are really sorry. So if you are sorry then you are forgived. It�s okay.� Elias reached out and touched his face, tilting his head back and moving his hair out of they way. �My eyes are like yours.�

�Yes, they are.� Lucius smiled as the child examined his face more closely.

�I look like you, don�t I?� He asked, his little finger sliding over the cleft in Lucius�s chin.

�Yes, you do�but you look even more like my other son, Draco, your brother.� Lucius said without really thinking about it. He hadn�t meant to overwhelm Elias with a father and a brother.

�A brother? I have a brother?� He needn�t have worried as Elias�s face lit up with the news. �Mum, I have a brother!�

�I know you do.� She was worried that he was taking it so well and feared that he didn�t really understand what was taking place, the importance of what he just learned. �I know Draco Malfoy fairly well�at least I did once.�

�Mafoy�Uncle Ron said I was a Mafoy but my name is Elias Granger.�

�Malfoy.� Lucius said enunciating clearly and stressing the L. �Your name is Granger because I was unavailable to sign the appropriate documents at your birth. It is my hope that we can change that when you are ready.�

�Elias Malfoy.� He rolled it around in his mouth, his lips pursed as he pondered the sound of it. �That sounds cool!� he said grinning.

�I�m glad you think so.� Lucius chuckled. He was so relieved that Elias was taking it so well, relieved that he didn�t see hatred or disgust in the child�s eyes when he learned the truth of his past.

�Elias, Baby, do you understand what this all means? Do you understand what we have just told you?� Hermione asked. Elias looked down at her, his head tilted to the side.

�Yes�I understand. Loo-she-us is my dad�he slept in your bed and then had to go to ass-can and when he came back he found us.� Elias frowned and turned back to Lucius. �Do you want another little boy? Do you like me being your little boy?�

The question was like taking a blow directly to the chest. Lucius had to catch his breath while Hermione had to hold back a sob. It hurt to hear the uncertainty in his little voice. She never wanted him to ever doubt how much he was loved, how much he was wanted and there he sat, perched on his father�s lap asking if he was wanted, asking his father if he wanted him. It was breaking her heart and was almost more than she could bear.

�Oh yes, I definitely want another little boy and I wouldn�t want it to be anyone but you.� Lucius said quietly as he laid his head on Elias�s golden curls. �I like it very much that you are my little boy.�

�And you won�t go away again? You won�t be a dead deer and make bad choices no more?� He asked.

�No, my death eater days are over and I try to make only good choices now.� Lucius said earnestly. �I don�t want to be away from you and your mother again. I am here to stay.�

�Do I still have to call you Loo-she-us?� He asked.

�You may call me what you like, Son.� Lucius smoothed his hand over Elias�s head, knowing that the little boy had already thought about it and that made him smile. �I take it you have something in mind?�

�Daddy�is that okay?� Elias asked softly, biting his lip the way his mother did when she was nervous. His stomach flipped and he swallowed against the lump in his throat.

�That would be�wonderful.� It was more than wonderful, it made him want to cry and he didn�t understand it. He really was turning into a woman emotionally. Draco had always called him Father from the time he could speak. There was something warm and fuzzy about being called Daddy that appealed to him. Elias smiled and then yawned, his eyes going sleepy after a long, long day. �How about we skip the story tonight and get you tucked in? It�s been a long day.�

Elias nodded and slipped off of his lap, shuffling on bare feet to his mother for his goodnight hug and kiss.

�I love you, Baby, more than anything else in the entire world.� She said, squeezing him tightly until he grunted. She didn�t want to let him go but knew that he was sensitive to her emotions and she didn�t want to stress him. He was taking the news of his parentage so well and she didn�t want him to see the agony it was causing her.

�Love you.� Elias said sleepily into her shoulder before pulling back and shuffling down the hall with Lucius right behind him. Lucius barely got the quilt pulled back before Elias curled up onto the pillow and tucked his hands beneath his cheek.

�Goodnight, Elias.� Lucius said as he covered him up and squatted at his bedside. � Are you alright?�

�Did you know I wished you were my dad?� His voice was sleepy and his words slightly slurred. �Sometimes when we went places I would pretend you were my dad.�

�No need to pretend anymore, I am very proud to be your dad.� Lucius said hoarsely, still smiling. �Sleep tight.�

�Night�Daddy.� He yawned again and closed his eyes which Lucius was grateful for because he didn�t want him to see the tears that were beginning to sting his eyes. He turned out the light and stepped into the hall, closing the door behind him. As he turned he found himself with an arm full of witch, her face pressed into the center of his chest as she cried.

�Why are you crying? I think that it went remarkably well.� He said, gently rubbing her back.

�Too well, it makes me nervous. I�m glad it�s over but gods it hurt like hell to hear him asking you if you wanted him.� She sniffed.

�I hope that he never doubts it again.� He said, holding her close. �It�s late��

�Don�t go.� She whispered, tightening her arms around him.

�Hermione�.�

�We don�t have to make love, just � I don�t want to be alone. Please?� She pleaded.

�I could sleep on your sofa, I suppose.� He said, twining a curl around his finger.

�You could sleep with me. I have a double bed.� She began pushing against him, urging him to walk backwards a few steps. She kept one arm around his waist as she reached out and turned the knob on her bedroom door, shoving it open. �I trust you.�

�I�m not so certain that you should.� He mumbled as she took his hand and pulled him into her bedroom. She whispered a spell and her bedside lamps lit, illuminating the small bedroom. Light blue walls were set off by white painted furniture that crowded the small room. A floral coverlet in shades of blue, white and yellow covered the bed and was littered with blue and yellow pillows. It was soft, feminine and pure, much like the woman who slept there.

�You know where the bathroom is�if you want to shower or�anything before bed.� She said as she turned the coverlet down and reached beneath her pillow for her pajamas. �I�ll be right back.� She said, disappearing across the hall into the bathroom.

Lucius sat on the side of her bead and took a deep breath, exhaling forcefully. He wasn�t quite sure how he ended up in her bedroom. He was fully prepared to argue the folly of sharing a bed with her but somehow wound up following her into her bedroom like some sort of horny zombie who just couldn�t refuse. She was emotionally wrung out and so was he, making love was definitely not in the cards but it still didn�t make the idea of sharing a bed with her any easier to process. He toed off his shoes as he argued with himself, his thoughts at war with his actions. He bent over and removed his socks, folding them and putting them inside his shoes.

He emptied his pockets and laid his things on her bedside table, thinking how strange the masculine paraphernalia looked on her lacy doily. By the time she returned, flipping off the lights in the hall, he was down to his boxers and sleeveless undershirt, reclining against the pillows with the coverlet pulled up to his waist. She paused inside the doorway, a shy smile on her freshly scrubbed face. She looked so�young�in her cotton tank and loose fitting sleep pants. She was holding his cane in her hand.

�I thought you might want this near by since your wand is inside.� She said, leaning it against her nightstand.

�Thank you.� He said hoarsely, watching her walk around the foot of the bed to the other side and crawl in beside him. �Hermione�.I haven�t slept with a woman�well�let�s just say that you were the last intimate contact I had�this may be a mistake.�

�We are both tired, it has been a draining day. I know that nothing will happen that I don�t want.� She curled up on her side facing him and he slid down into the bed to be at eye level. �I want to make love with you, Lucius, but I don�t want to be exhausted when it happens and I certainly don�t want it to be a reaction to a stressful situation like the first time and if we made love now that would be part of it. Just sleep beside me and hold me. Please?�

�How can I say no to that?� He asked, moving his arm so that she could come closer and rest her head on his shoulder.

�I wish you would stop saying no to me.� She yawned and snuggled closer. �One day soon you won�t be able to run away from me. Jessa suggested I tie you up.�

�Did she now?� He chuckled, pulling the coverlet up over them and wrapping his arms around her and letting the fresh scent of her soap envelope him. �That won�t be necessary, I want to make love to you, Hermione, you have no idea how much. I just don�t want there to ever be regret.�

�Never.� She said sleepily. �I don�t regret the first time, Lucius. I could never regret something that brought me Elias. The only regret I will ever have regarding us is that you thought you hurt me for so long.� She snuggled closer, her hand fisting in the cotton undershirt right over his heart. �No�don�t worry about regret, there wont be any of that with us.�

�My only regret is that I didn�t make it good for you. But I promise that I will make up for that. I promise to stop running from you, Darling, but you can put the restraints in a file for later if you like.� He teased, his eyes slowly closing.

�Mmmmhmmm � I always knew you were a little kinky.� She mumbled. His sleepy chuckle was the last thing she heard before slipping off into the arms of Morpheus.

AN: So�Elias took it well as most of you suspected he would. Which leads me to believe that you already suspect that Elias learning the truth isn�t the major climax of this story�only a small one =). So get the Quervo and salt ready�.Ill provide the lemon =)

Misery � your review brought tears to my eyes. That was, by far, one of the most beautiful compliments I have ever received. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. =)

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Shadows Of The Past