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Never Mine	By : RynStar15 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 21248 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the characters therein and do not make any money or intend any copyright infringement by placing them here.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Ginny was screaming. Shock numbed my body as I brought a shaky hand back to my ribs where blood simply poured. The sight was surreal; as many times as I had watched Muggles in television shows bleed on the ground from gunshot wounds and sword fights, nothing prepared me for the full assault of emotion and pain and fear that would come with it being your own. I looked up to face my executioner and started to see Narcissa Malfoy removing her mask.
"You killed my husband," she snarled, murder in her eyes. "You nearly destroyed my sister! Stand aside, silly girl!" she shrieked at Ginny who had risen to stand in front of me. "This is between me and the Mudblood!"
Narcissa raised her wand and Ginny flew back into the wall. I looked around hurriedly and found my wand lying at my feet where I had dropped it to staunch the wound at my side. Narcissa caught my gaze and kicked it into the battle where it was swept up in a sea of people.
Defeated, I simply looked up at the beautiful face above me. I could taste the iron tang in my mouth and knew I was about to die.
...
Five days earlier…
I woke to voices near me and I recognized Ron's deep timbre speaking quietly so as not to be overheard.
"-then I don't know she just sort of…snapped. One minute they were dueling like I'd never seen, I mean seriously, most of that magic isn't even taught here! And the next she was just-an animal. She had Bellatrix in a Full-Body-Bind, it was over but then she-she…" his voice lowered even more so that I had to strain to hear. "She tortured her."
"Wait, I thought you said Bellatrix was in a Full-Body-Bind?" Ginny whispered.
"She was."
"Then how could she-?"
"It wasn't Bellatrix. It was Hermione."
"What?
"No!"
"What are you saying?" Harry asked incredulously. "Hermione tortured Bellatrix?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"I don't believe it!" Ginny whispered, appalled, and I cringed inwardly, thankful I was turned away from the accusing eyes I could feel boring into my back.
"Believe it. It was like she was possessed or something. You should have seen her eyes, it was scary. Bellatrix just said something about how the…well, she said the 'm' word-"
"Oh, Ron!" Ginny sighed exasperatedly.
"Alright, alright! Well, she said something like 'the Mudblood does know how to play' and then Hermione, I don't know where it came from, but she says 'I learn from the best Bella, and watch how the student becomes the teacher.' I mean, that doesn't even sound like something she'd say!" Ron exclaimed in an undertone and shame gripped my heart.
"Well, Ron…I mean, can you really blame her?" Ginny asked quietly.
"What?" both the boys cried. Ginny shushed them hurriedly and I could feel their eyes again. I tried to keep my breathing even and it must have worked because she began again.
"Look, none of us really know what happened at the Manor. We all know what she looked like when she came back to us. But just…just think about it. There wasn't an inch of her that wasn't bruised or bleeding, she hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, and she was forced to save herself. Have you ever thought of what she went through?"
"Every fucking day," Harry grated out and my heart reached out to him. I hated how hard my capture had been on him. They were all quiet for a minute.
"I would have done the same thing," Ron finally said. "I just didn't think…for a moment I was just so shocked…I've never seen her like that. It was unnerving."
"Bellatrix deserved it," Harry snapped defensively. "She deserved worse."
"Do you-do you think she, Bellatrix…do you think she's, well, like Neville's parents?" Ginny asked almost nervously. I felt bile rise in my throat and squeezed my eyes shut against the idea that I might have done that to a person. Any person. Even her.
"I dunno," Ron admitted. "Hermione was really, really, angry…"
They were quiet again until someone stood.
"I need to get to the library, I have a study group," Ginny said. "Meet me at lunch?"
"Of course," Harry said. I heard them kissing and Ron growled.
"Get a room."
"Why, when this one is so available?" Ginny giggled.
"You're going to wake up Hermione!" Ron snapped.
"Alright, alright, don't get your pretty little maroon knickers in a twist," Ginny giggled. I heard one last kiss and her footsteps out the door. The boys were quiet again and I could feel the tension.
"Did she kick ass?" Harry muttered.
"You should have seen her!" Ron whispered excitedly. "I don't know how she does it! She did this thing with a shield except she like-like projected it out and when Bellatrix threw these knives at her I thought she was done for, but she just turned them into those bloody birds she attacked me with last year!" I heard them laugh and smothered a smile. I really shouldn't have enjoyed their conversation, but the pride in their voices healed my wounds minutely. "And she caught her hair on fire!"
"Are you serious?" Harry exclaimed.
"Completely! It was bloody brilliant!"
"Alright, you two, that's enough," Madam Pomfrey called, bustling out of her office. "We have sleeping patients in here. You can come back later, Mr. Potter. And Mr. Weasley, you are supposed to be resting."
"Oh, go on, I feel fine," he complained, sounding like a petulant child.
"No, mate, she's right," Harry said. "I should be going; I'm supposed to meet up with Lupin."
"More Occlumency?"
"Always."
"Enjoy."
"And you."
"Shut up."
Harry chuckled and I heard his footsteps come near my bed. I felt his fingers graze my shoulder and focused on my breathing once more, keeping myself limp. He stood there a moment before turning and walking out and the only sounds left were Ron fighting Madam Pomfrey about taking a potion. I knew she had won when he was quiet for a moment and then-
"Blergh!"
"Oh, don't be such a flobberworm, it's not that bad!" the nurse tsked.
"It's horrible!"
"You shout again and you'll be wishing for that potion!"
"Alright, alright, keep your hair on," Ron whispered apologetically. Madam Pomfrey bustled around Ron a little longer until his soft snores filled the room.
"Your turn, Miss Granger," Madam Pomfrey said. "And don't go pretending you're asleep, I've been working at this school far too long to fall for something like that."
Embarrassed, I opened my eyes. "Thanks for not selling me out."
"What do I care of the woes of teenagers?" she said, not un-kindly. "Now sit on up there, dear, and drink this."
I did as she asked and when she'd finished my check-up she handed me breakfast and told me to take a Sleeping Draught as soon as I was finished.
The silence of the infirmary was welcoming. The last, well, months, had been so hectic it was hard to find a time to slow down. I suddenly didn't feel so enthusiastic about getting out there to help. I glanced at my wand sitting on the nightstand and felt sick. How could I raise it again? I had used an Unforgivable Curse, I had tortured another human being beyond tolerable standards. I had hurt others before, even killed, but only to save myself or my friends. Never had I purposely tortured someone for my own means. I never thought I could do something like that. Sick, I pushed away the tray.
I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want the horrendous images to haunt my dreams. Nor could I sit around thinking about what I'd done, so I looked to my left where new robes had been set out for me overnight on a chair next to my bed and I glanced at the nurse's office. Quietly, I dressed and reluctantly grabbed my wand, stuffing it deep in my robes pocket as if it were diseased. I made my way to the headmistress's office, the circular staircase making me dizzy. I was bid entrance and walked in on McGonagall pacing, a long letter in her hand.
"Miss Granger!" she exclaimed, surprised. "Shouldn't you be resting?"
"I feel much better, professor," I lied.
"Does Poppy know you've, what's the phrase, 'done a bunk?'" she asked and I could swear I saw a corner of her mouth twitch.
"Not exactly…" I admitted. "Is there any news on Draco?"
Rolling up her long parchment, McGonagall rounded her desk and stuffed it into a drawer. "Nothing yet. We have security at all entrances; he won't be getting in without our knowledge."
"But professor, what if he's hurt? He's still out there-"
"I understand, Miss Granger," she sighed heavily. "But I cannot, with a clear conscience, send out more innocent people to search for him with the Dementors and Death Eaters flying around out there. You and Mr. Weasley weren't the only ones with a close call."
"Is anyone hurt?" I worried, guilt a leaden weight on my chest.
"The owners of Scrivenshaft's were killed and a Zonko's worker suffered severe burns from the fire. The Order members were able to escape with minimal injuries. But please understand, Miss Granger, that it is highly unlikely we will locate Mr. Malfoy if he does not wish to be found. It would be safer for us, and Mr. Malfoy as well, if we simply waited for him to come to us."
"I understand," I murmured, then went on anxiously. "But what if he doesn't? What if he's found out another way to destroy the Horcrux?"
McGonagall looked up at me, sympathy in her gaze. "I am sorry, Miss Granger, about the way things have turned out. Truly, I am. But if he does end up destroying it, it won't be the worst thing for our side."
I felt as though I had received a sudden blow. "You can't mean that!"
"I do not wish Mr. Malfoy to come to any harm, Miss Granger-"
"But you apparently don't care if he commits suicide!"
"I did not say that, nor will you ever hear me say that!" McGonagall snapped, her tone threatening. "But you must understand, Miss Granger, that there are much larger things out there than you or me or Mr. Malfoy. There are casualties in war, none more or less disheartening than the other, but that is unfortunately the way it is. If we are to win, we must do what we have to do. Dumbledore understood that, it would do for you to learn that as well."
I looked away from my mentor, shocked and hurt, and into the eyes of Professor Dumbledore whose expression was remorseful. Caught between them I closed my mouth I noticed was hanging open, nodded, and backed out of the room.
If I was honest with myself I knew McGonagall was making the wisest choice under the current circumstances; she was being unbiased and intellectual. The odds of us running into Draco were admittedly insurmountable; but I could not admit defeat. I would not give up on him.
Leaning against a blank stretch of wall in a deserted corridor I gazed out onto the grounds, snow drifting lazily toward the frozen lake. The thought of him out there freezing, terrified, hurt, hunted…I shuddered.
Draco, please, just listen to me. I can help you; we can find a different way. Please…
Silence met my pleas. I resisted the urge to sink to the ground and wallow and instead headed for the grounds, searching for some peace and quiet so I could think.
I sank down next to the iced-over lake and curled my legs to my chest, trying to ignore the cold. I remembered the time when I had begged my mother for a pair of ice skates for Christmas; all the girls in my class skated, it wasn't fair that I didn't get to as well. But my mother fought me desperately; it was too dangerous, I could get hurt, I could catch a cold, they were too expensive. I had cried about it for days and on Christmas morning I opened a brand new pair of skates. It was the greatest gift I'd ever received.
My mother took me to a lake nearby the very next day. It had been crowded, a bunch of girls from my class were there. Proud of my shiny new skates, I couldn't wait to show them off; maybe then they would finally like me. My mother waited disapprovingly on a bench while I waddled toward the ice. I was able to keep upright for a grand total of eight seconds before I was sprawled, flat on my face, laughter ringing in the cold air. Unperturbed, I struggled to my feet and skated around and around that lake, my arms whirling like a windmill, falling over and over to the amusement of my classmates.
I had noticed that all of them stayed to the edges, leaving the center of the lake undisturbed. Desperately wanting them to appreciate me for once, I slipped and slid straight to the middle while they all watched nervously, my mum calling at me to stick to the edges. Fearless, looking at the awed expressions of my classmates, I continued on and crashed straight through into the freezing water.
I remembered to this day the piercing cold, a pain so intense it struck straight into my soul. My heavy clothes and skates pulled me straight to the bottom, the dark and cold swallowing me up as terror ripped through me. And then, suddenly, I was lying on the snow bank at the edge of the lake, coughing and shivering and no one near me at all. According to everyone there I had seemingly flown out of the lake of my own volition. My mum was too scared to touch me while the kids ran home, screaming.
It had been the very first time I had shown true magic, the first time I'd realized there was something…different about me. Oh, small things had happened here and there: a sweet my dad had forbidden me to have suddenly in my hand, a broken vase fixed instantly. But I had never really thought about it. From that day on, however, I was determined to know why, understanding that I would never fit in until I figured it out. I stopped caring about impressing others, stopped worrying about making friends, and instead threw myself into my studies, trying to learn as much as I could, expanding my mind to everything out there, and finding a new love in knowledge. It became my crutch, my entire life, my peers had become a distant background. Harry and Ron were my first real friends.
And here I was letting them down, allowing my own selfish needs to hurt them. It was because of me that the Death Eaters had killed those Muggles two months ago, had hurt my friends on Christmas. It was my fault that Ron nearly lost his life, that I had done something to another human being I would never forgive myself for.
And for what? For a man who shunned me, who had made it quite clear on several occasions that he felt nothing for me, that there was nothing between us but my own pathetic hormones and sex.
Yet I had fallen for him anyways. I was irrevocably head-over-heels and it was no one's fault but my own.
There was nothing left for me to do. He didn't want to see me; he rejected my help and my love. He was out there somewhere, lost to me. Soon he would be dead. Then Harry would kill Voldemort and the world would right itself once more.
Who in their right minds would be upset about that? It was as it should be; it was the only way we could survive, the only way our world could continue.
Then why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't I accept what everyone else had, including Draco himself? Why was it so hard for me to imagine a world without Draco in it? Draco, a man of his own, a man who would never be one to settle down, to love someone else. I was foolish to think I might have changed that.
As always, no matter how much it hurt, I would do what I had to do. If a life of emptiness was the price I had to pay, I would give it gratefully. The survival of humanity came far before my own happiness.
Clutching myself, I stared out across the lake and tried to remember that I was doing the right thing.
…
Harry tracked me down hours later and dragged me back up to the school and straight to the hospital wing. I didn't fight when he yelled at me for taking off and took the potions shoved into my hands without complaint. I ate what was pushed in front of me when I woke that evening and thanked Madam Pomfrey for letting me go back to my dormitory for the night. On Monday I attended classes, took the notes, ate meals, answered when spoken to. To anyone on the outside I was perfectly content. Tired, maybe, but if I had acted too cheerful they would have seen right through me.
The next morning, we were greeted by a note from Mr. Weasley, who rarely wrote. He explained that every suspected Death Eater in the Ministry had mysteriously disappeared yesterday and to keep our eyes open. Looking at the others I ripped open the Daily Prophet and didn't come across a single death, incident, or disappearance. It seemed the Death Eaters had gone to ground.
"But why?" Ron asked, his sausage halfway to his mouth.
"That's the question, isn't it?" Harry said, taking the Prophet from me and flipping through the rather thin edition himself before tossing it back to me.
"Well isn't it obvious?" Ginny said lowly, leaning in towards us. "They're preparing themselves, aren't they? Regrouping?"
"Why dow'?" Ron questioned, his mouth now full of breakfast meat. "I 'ean, dunnit 'e jus haff oo 'it tha' 'ark-fingy an' dey all come runnin'?"
"Ron, shh!" Ginny hissed.
"Oh, don't worry, Ginny," I said disgustedly, snapping to the back page of the Prophet, gazing at the advertisements there. "No one can understand him anyway through all that ground boar obstructing his airway."
Harry snorted and choked on his eggs. Grinning, Ginny thumped his back while Ron's ears turned red.
"It is rather odd, though," I conceded, folding the paper and smoothing it unnecessarily. I watched my hands and voiced my worst fear. "Do you think they found Draco?"
We all shared a scared look. "If they have, we haven't got no chance in hell of getting him back," Harry sighed, running his hands in his hair. "He'll be better guarded than even me."
"Not bloody likely," Ron chortled, his mouth thankfully clear. "You've got half the wizarding world watching out for you."
"And Malfoy will have the other half," Harry grunted, aggravated.
"Not the better half."
We all smiled weakly at this, but the smell of breakfast suddenly churned my stomach. If it was true, if Voldemort had found Draco, our situation was even worse than we could imagine. The bell rang, stalling my pessimistic thoughts, and we all grabbed our bags and headed to class.
The Death Eater's abrupt departure from society didn't seem to trouble any of the other students who were usually discussing the most recent disasters, but it sat like a dead weight in my chest which I carried around all day.
By dinner I was so exhausted I found it hard to concentrate on the conversation which was centered once more on the disappearance of the Death Eaters. Neville and Luna had joined our group, Neville looking worried, Luna merely bored as she smeared Dirigible Plum jam on a roll. Apparently, it helped with concentration.
"Are you alright, Hermione?" Ginny asked concernedly. I looked up at her from where I had been pushing my bread pudding around on my plate.
"Just tired," I replied. There was no point in lying; they all knew I was worried.
"Why don't you go to bed early?" Harry suggested.
"Patrol," I stated simply.
"I thought you had patrol tomorrow night?" Ron said, stuffing a spoonful of pudding in his mouth. At least he talked before stuffing his face.
"I do. McGonagall has us all doing double shifts until, well, until we hear from Draco."
I walked the cold corridors that night, keeping to the shadows, the moonlight streaming in reminding me of Draco sitting on the roof at Grimmauld place, papers strewn around him, looking...peaceful. I hadn't realized it then, but he had. I leaned my head against the cool stone and closed my eyes. I had never felt so desperately hopeless. I had never thought there was an impossible situation. I had always helped Harry find another perspective, another way to make it out of dilemma. But how…how could I ever get out of this?
I was tired of feeling like this, tired of feeling like my world was falling down around my feet. There had never been a problem I couldn't solve, so what made this one any different? It wasn't over yet, we had no evidence to suggest that Voldemort had Draco.
I dragged myself down the hall to finish my patrol, climbing to the Astronomy Tower to make sure no students had snuck up there for a midnight rendezvous.
My heart flew to my throat at the sight that met me. I gasped despite myself and jumped when the heavy door slammed shut behind me and he turned at the sound, his grey eyes meeting mine. He was leaning against the balustrade, his blonde hair glinting in the moonlight looking more dreadfully lost than I felt. Once his look of surprise fell it clashed into one of disgust and he swore viciously.
"What are you doing here?"
"I should be asking you," I breathed.
"It's none of your business, Granger," he growled, his expression cold. "All this and still you haven't figured out when to keep your interfering nose out of things."
"Excuse me? I'm just doing patrol; you're the one skulking around where you shouldn't be!" When he said nothing to this I stepped up to him. "Draco, why did you come here?"
"Didn't I just say it's nothing to do with you?" he thundered. "Why can't you just keep out of something for once in your fucking life?"
"If it was nothing to do with me you never would have left me that note," I taunted. "But you did. And now you're here." He scowled, turning away. Taking a deep breath, I calmed my emotions. This may be my last chance to make him see reason and I needed to keep a clear head.
"Draco, it doesn't have to be like this."
"So you keep saying, but I notice you haven't come up with anything in that bushy head of yours to fix it," he scoffed, staring out across the lonely grounds. "Face it, Granger. You lost your virginity to a walking corpse, and in a way, Voldemort himself."
"Stop it," I snapped. "I know what you're doing. You're trying to push me away, to make what we had seem like nothing so it's easier for you to do this. But if you spent half the time you do trying to push me away instead of letting me help you we might have a solution!"
"What makes you think this is an act?" he sneered, turning back to me. "Is it really so impossible in that bookworm brain of yours to consider that you disgust me? That maybe you were just a convenient lay for a guy with limited options?"
"We both know that's not true," I said, convincing myself as much as him. "You don't have to be scared. I can fix this, I swear I can!"
"I realize you are used to always knowing the answers, being the top of the class, sticking your nose so far up every teacher's arse that you earn top grades. But have you even considered for a moment that this isn't school?" he snarled condescendingly. "This isn't a test that you can re-do if you don't like the result. This is real life, this is my life!"
"It doesn't have to be!" I entreated. "Draco, it doesn't have to be!"
He roared and crossed the flagstone to me, grabbing my arms and shaking me. "Get it through your head, Granger! I have nothing left to give but this! This is my last chance for redemption! I didn't ask for this, but this is what I have; this is the way it has to be!"
I suddenly understood and my breath fell from me in realization. I threw my arms around him and he froze. He didn't hug me back, just stood stock-still, but I held him regardless, memorizing every line. "You don't have to redeem yourself; you don't have to sacrifice your life to show us you regret your past. We know, Draco. I know," I gazed up at him, begging him to see. "We all know what you went through, no one blames you! Why don't you believe me?"
His eyes were harder than I'd ever seen them, his cheeks gaunter, thinner. The suddenly apparent scratches on the side of his face looked painful, but not nearly as painful as the words he spewed so effortlessly.
"Who would believe a Mudblood?"
I didn't have time to react as he turned and launched himself onto the railing, spread his arms, and jumped. My scream rent the air as I threw myself at the banister, hanging half off, watching him fall gracefully, arms outstretched, ripping my heart down with him. I watched in utter terror as he reached the snowy ground, leveled out in a veil of smoke and flew across the grounds, streaking towards the forest.
I collapsed in a trembling heap, my heart hammering, sobbing out my fear, relief, and misery. He could fly. Draco could fly. Just like Voldemort. It was true, it was all true.
I knew for certain now that there was nothing I could do. He hated me, he didn't want another solution, he wanted his absolution. I knew the chances of me finding a way to get out of this situation with Draco still breathing was slim to none. It was no use pretending otherwise anymore.
Draco had to die.
…

XOXO
RynStar15
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Never Mine