Resistance | By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 44505 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 7 |
Disclaimer: I did not create the Harry Potter stories or universe and I do not make any money from this |
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
As he approached the Potter residence, Remus caught sight of two small figures in the sky, flying around. Somehow, even from this distance, he knew it was James and Sirius. He could even tell which one was which. He had seen the two flying together too many times for too many years not to know it. Knowing Sirius was there gave him pause. He stood on the walkway of Radburry Lane, considering going back home, sending an owl with his apologies to Lily, saying that he was sick and would meet with her another day. He may have been in Gryffindor during his Hogwarts days but Remus wasn't sure where all of his strength and courage had gone. Surely nowhere to be found. At least not anywhere Sirius Black was.
He actually turned and was ready to walk back the way he had come but turned back and reluctantly continued his walk. Lily would likely try to check up on him if he claimed to be sick. Why hadn't he just Flooed in? He wouldn't have noticed Sirius at all. But that would have been a nasty surprise had James and Sirius walked in as he wouldn't have known his soul mate was anywhere around. Maybe they would stay outside. Lily knew how strained their relationship was now. That is, unless she wanted to try to force them to work things out. Remus pushed that thought from his head, knowing it was very likely to happen one day and hoping to Merlin that wasn't today.
It took five more minutes of slower walking for Remus to reach the front door of 12 Radburry Lane, knocking quietly. Several seconds later, Lily Potter opened the door and Remus frowned at her. "Lily, what's wrong? What happened?"
The normally vibrant young witch had rarely looked so down in her life. How pink her eyes looked, how wet with tears, and the sniffling of her nose left no doubt that she had been crying. She wore a sad smile as she stepped aside to let Remus in. Concerned eyes still watching her, Remus stepped into the house, waiting for Lily to close the door and lead him into the living room. She said nothing as she sat down on the couch, waving to the mess on the coffee table. Remus took a good look at the open photo albums, scrap books, and journals as he sat down beside her.
"I felt like such a crybaby at King's Cross," Lily said quietly, grabbing a tissue to wipe her nose. "I wasn't the only mother like that but I had thought I would be stronger. It's just…It's Harry's last year, you know? He's seventeen."
Remus nodded slowly, glancing from the table to Lily's beautiful face.
"He always seems so young, Remus," Lily continued. "Too young to be bonded to Severus. Too young to be married. D'you know Ron married Hannah a few days ago? He's Harry's age! How can he be married? I don't know how Molly stands it." Lily wiped her eyes and settled back into the couch, just staring miserably at all of her books on the table. "God. And he's trying to save the world! He's much too young. I always thought about how young he was. Too young to run off saving the Philosopher's Stone. Too young to kill a basilisk. Too young to face murderers or compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, let alone win it!, or…or to deal with any of these things. He's too young to hunt Horcruxes or involve himself in a war. He's much too young, Remus.
"Then, today, I was struck by how old he is! Old enough to be in his last year of Hogwarts. He'll graduate in less than a year. Then he'll go off to university or job training, he'll start a career, meet a nice girl, get married, have kids, and…God, when did he get to be so old? It seems like only yesterday the healer was putting him into my arms. He was such a cute baby." At this, Lily leaned forward, gently caressing the picture of a squirming newborn Harry. "So…I came home. Out of some morbid sense of masochism, I decided to look through these and…and I realized how much we missed. We missed potty training, his first day of school, birthdays, Christmases…We missed eight long years of his life. Eight years of my son spent being made to feel less than human. I'm missing eight years of my son's life, and now…Now…He'll be gone soon. But he's still my baby, and I don't think I'm ready for this, Remus."
Midway through her explanation, Lily's voice broke, just barely keeping in her sobs enough to speak. When she finished, though, she curled up at the end of the couch again, burying her face in her hands again while she sobbed. Remus mentally cursed James for going flying with Sirius when his wife was in such a state then he scooted over to pull Lily into his arms. She easily unwound her arms from herself and threw them around Remus, burying her face in his neck as she cried. Her body trembled as Remus carefully stroked his hand down her back in a soothing fashion.
"Shh, Lily, it's okay," Remus whispered. "He'll always be here, Lily. He may become a man sooner than you like but he'll always be your son, he'll always love you, and he'll always come to see you and James. That boy loves you, Lily. You're not losing him."
"It…It feels like it," Lily murmured. "We missed so much, Remus. So much of his life. Of his childhood. We were gone for eight years. We missed eight years of his life. He's grown up too fast. I just want my baby back."
Remus's heart broke for her as he hugged her closer. It was hard to comfort her like this. What could he say that was remotely comforting about her seven years in captivity? About her year in a mental health unit? About Harry's eight miserable years with the Dursleys? James and Lily had done their best to move on with their lives, to not dwell over what could have been or what should have been so they could enjoy what time they were able to have with their children and each other. It seemed Lily had succumbed to those horrible thoughts and Remus had to wonder how often she had done this. How often had she looked through old photo albums, wondering where the time had gone and wondering about what was missing from the pages.
He could only remember seeing her this way one other time.
"Grace is asking questions," she had said unhappily. "Where are her baby pictures? Why didn't her aunt and uncle give us any of Harry's pictures? Why didn't they have pictures of Harry? There's such a noticeable time gap in the albums." She had begun tugging at her hair while tears streamed down her pale face.
"She doesn't remember?" Remus had asked in confusion.
Lily had smiled sadly. "No. She doesn't."
That had been within the first month the Potters had been reunited and in their new home. Remus later discovered that, while at St. Mungo's just before their release, Lily and James agreed that they wanted Grace's memory wiped. She had been too sullen of a child at the age of five. She was too shy, too unhappy, still suffering from too many nightmares. They wanted her to be happy, didn't want her to have to deal with everything she had been through. It had been a suggestion of the child healer who had been watching over Grace that year. They spent a week modifying her memory so that she remembered nothing but life in the hospital. They told her that her parents had been very ill for a long time and that she had been sick, too. That Harry had been made to live with the Dursleys for his protection so that he wouldn't get sick with them.
The truth would have to come out one day. Thinking of irresponsible, fun-loving, living-life-without-a-care-in-the-world Grace, Remus could barely imagine how she would react to the news. Luckily, they had at least a few years before she would have to know.
They liked to live life forgetting that horrible time period. Remus didn't blame them. Perhaps it wasn't very healthy to go on ignoring that part of their lives but it seemed to be the only way they could cope and they did so beautifully. One might never have known they spent seven years of their lives trapped in a Death Eater prison, being tortured and raped on a daily basis. They barely seemed to remember themselves most days.
But there were days like these, few and far between. Days when it was all Lily could seem to think about. What she had suffered through and everything she had been forced to miss out on. None of the pain, being stripped of her freedom, none of the starvation or violation mattered as much as the time she missed with her children. Nothing mattered as much to her as what they had been made to go through. Sometimes Remus thought she even felt guilty about it all, even though it wasn't her fault.
"Gosh, I'm so sorry, Remus," Lily said after several minutes of crying. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes while Remus pulled away only slightly to get a good look at her.
"It's fine, Lily. Are you alright?" Remus asked.
"Yes…I think so," Lily replied, sniffing some more. "Merlin, I don't know what I'll do when he actually graduates." She laughed shakily and reached out to close one of the photo albums.
"I doubt you'll be the only mother in tears," Remus assured her with a small smile. "My mother was hysterical at our graduation. Remember?"
Lily laughed. "Oh gosh, yes. I don't know who was worse, your mum or Peter's."
"Even Augusta Longbottom shed a few tears," Remus recalled with amusement. "She was very calm about the whole thing. I think they were more tears of pride rather than tears shed by mothers who would be perfectly happy putting their children back into cribs."
"I remember that," Lily giggled. "She was sitting right beside Mrs. Pettigrew and kept giving her strange looks."
"I literally thought that woman was going to cry herself to an early death," Remus mused, shaking his head.
"I won't be that bad," Lily vowed, stacking her albums and books on top of each other. "At least I don't think I will be."
"Let's hope not, unless you want Mrs. Longbottom giving you dirty looks," Remus said.
"Hmm…I think not," Lily said. When everything on the table was in a stack, she stood, picked them up, and carried them across the room to put them back on the bookshelf she had taken them from. Remus watched her carefully to make sure she was really okay, prepared to offer more comforting words if need be or to even pick on her a bit if she needed some humor. Before he could really decide what to do next, Lily cleared her throat and spoke with her back still to him, putting everything in its place. "You'll be there for your child's graduation, won't you?"
"What ch-…Oh," Remus said. For a long moment, he was stumped. It was still hard to think about the fact that he was going to be a father. He hadn't seen Tonks since her announcement but, for once, when he had gone to her house to assure her that he would be a part of the baby's life but that he wasn't sure how he felt about her or what to do about their relationship. Tonks was perfectly understanding, for which Remus was grateful, but he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the fact that he was going to have a son or daughter in less than a year. "Well…I'd imagine so. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I didn't mean anything by it," Lily said, fiddling around with random books for a moment before turning back to him with a small smile. "It's just…I don't quite know how to say it."
"Say what?"
Lily hesitated then slowly moved closer and sat beside him once again. "I know you're a good man, Remus. You're one of the best men I know," she assured him. "I know you'll be there for your child. I don't know why I needed to be reassured of that." Lily scoffed at herself then shook her head. "Only…I don't know, Remus. You should be a dad to your child but that doesn't mean you have to be a husband to Tonks. You know that, don't you?"
"Wh…What? Of course! I wasn't planning on proposing or anything," Remus said, shocked the subject had even come up.
Lily just smiled and rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean, Remus. You don't have to be with her because he's having your baby."
Tonks had gone out of her way to assure him of that. Before he could get in a word when he went to her house the other day, she spent a good half hour or more telling him that she didn't expect anything of him. She loved him, yes, and wanted to be with him but he didn't have to be with her just because they were having a child together. Remus had barely given it any thought at the time, or since. The most he could think about was his impending fatherhood.
Thinking about it, though, Remus felt badly. It was bad enough he had sex with Tonks when he didn't know how he felt about her but he had knocked her up, too! Was it even fair to keep going as they were with this new addition on the way? He didn't want his baby to be born into such a dysfunctional relationship. Children should be born to two people who loved each other and wanted to be together forever. Babies only needed to arrive when their parents were married and could provide a stable life for them. Didn't Remus owe it to both Tonks and their child to give the relationship a real chance?
The very thought filled him with dread.
"I don't?" he said quietly.
"No, you don't," Lily said, patting his leg. "Though I should scold you for sleeping with her when you're like this! But, no, you shouldn't make yourself unhappy because of this. And I know you could never be happy with Tonks."
"Couldn't I?" Remus asked. "I mean…She's a lovely woman. She's a very good person. She's nice, funny, strong, beautiful, giving…How could I be unhappy with her?"
Lily shot him an irritated look. "You don't love her."
"I could," Remus said. For some reason, as he thought of Tonks, Sirius also came to mind. Disturbed, Remus shook his head and tried to force the thought away.
"Dear Merlin help me," Lily groaned. "Remus, if you talk yourself into this I'll kick your arse. Do you understand me?"
"I should at least give her a shot," Remus said.
"No! You shouldn't!" Lily exclaimed. "You're not even really interested in her."
"That doesn't mean anything, Lily. She's the mother of my child. I owe it to her…" Remus said.
"You owe it to yourself not to jump into this for no good reason! And, while we're at it, you owe it to her to be honest with not only yourself but with her about your feelings before you really bugger it all up," Lily snapped.
"I…I know," Remus sighed. Perhaps he shouldn't be going into this without sorting through his feelings first. He had to be honest with Tonks but he still couldn't help but feel as though he should at least try to make their relationship work.
"Good," Lily said, but between her tone and glare Remus wasn't sure she believed him. "Tea?"
"Sure," Remus replied, grateful that the topic was being dropped.
"Will you stay for dinner?" she asked as she stood up.
"Err…is Sirius staying?" he asked uncomfortably.
Lily sighed. "You two are going to have to work through this eventually."
"I'm not so sure that's possible," Remus replied sadly, standing up to follow Lily into the kitchen.
Draco was nauseated. Pansy Parkinson was practically in his lap, kissing his ear while whispering sweet nothings that made him want to gag. Blaise snickered in the seat across from him while Daphne looked on sympathetically. Gregory and Vincent were too busy stuffing their faces to notice. He was starting to miss days spent in his backyard with Ginevra and Hermione. Their company was preferable to being slobbered on by Pansy, even taking into consideration the new awkwardness between Hermione and himself. He may have tainted himself by sleeping with a Mudblood but he was starting to feel that even that was forgivable and much nicer than the thought of sticking his prick anywhere near this girl. He dated her last year so he had actually been there and everything. She was not a good lay at all, was far too clingy, and not even that pretty. Ginevra and Hermione both had her beat in the looks department.
What on earth had he been thinking with her? How in the world had she not even noticed how repulsed he was by her?
"So did you miss me, Dray-Dray?" Pansy cooed, nibbling on his ear. Draco shifted away from her and eyed her distastefully. "You haven't been in the manor in weeks. I tried firecalling so many times!"
"I've been busy," Draco replied coldly, shooting a glare at Blaise as his friend tried to stifle his laughter.
"Busy with what?" Pansy asked with a pout.
"Busy with whom," Blaise coughed.
"Busy hiding from the Dark Lord, that's what."
Draco paled as the compartment door opened and Theodore Nott stepped in wearing a smirk. They had always been good friends in childhood, one of the few people Draco considered to be his equal, and never before had Draco experienced the receiving end of such a malicious look of amusement glittering in the other wizard's dark eyes.
"What are you talking about, Theo?" Pansy demanded with a sniff. "Draco is going to serve the Dark Lord one day. Isn't that right, Dray?"
"Oh really?" Theodore asked with a grin. "And how would you know of anything going on among the Death Eaters, hmm?"
Pansy blinked rapidly and looked from Draco to Theodore. "And what exactly do you think you know, Nott?" she demanded coolly, looking prepared to defend Draco. She sat up straight and folded her arms over her chest, watching Theodore expectantly.
Theodore just grinned, kicked the compartment door shut, and pulled up the sleeve of his left arm. Silence followed for a long time while everyone gaped at the Dark Mark now residing on his arm. Draco flinched, fingers tightening on the edge of the seat, eyes flickering from the Dark Mark to Theodore's dark eyes. Shite, this wasn't good.
"Whoa," said Vincent Crabbe. He nudged Gregory, nodding towards Theodore's arm. They wore twin expressions of dumb awe while Blaise and Daphne were as stunned as Draco. Pansy blinked rapidly in surprise, turning her shocked gaze from Theodore to an uncertain glance at Draco.
"Why don't you check your future husband there, Pans?" Theodore said mockingly.
Pansy's brown eyes stared at Draco's covered left forearm.
"C'mon, Malfoy," Theodore said. "Show her. Show them all what a phony you are."
"That's enough, Nott," Blaise spat.
"I'm hardly afraid of you, Zabini," Theodore said with a scowl. "I'm on the Dark Lord's side now. I have power. You are nothing. None of you are if you're following this little coward."
No one had ever seen such a side to Theodore before. He had always been the quiet one, brooding in corners, silently plotting away his own deviousness while Draco had been the arrogant prick loudly boasting of all of his prestige and accomplishments. This Theodore was exactly the person Draco would have been had he taken the Dark Mark but it certainly wasn't the wizard Draco had grown up with. Everyone else seemed to notice it, too, save for the ever clueless Crabbe and Goyle. Draco, Pansy, Blaise and Daphne traded equally bewildered looks before Pansy finally seemed to come around.
"Draco?" she asked timidly.
Draco sat up straight and schooled his expression. "I don't have to prove anything to any of you."
"Yes, you would say that," Theodore said in amusement. "You can drop the act, Malfoy. You're not our little Slytherin Prince any longer."
"What? You think you'll replace me?" Draco scoffed.
"Oh, I know I will," Theodore assured him with a smirk. "Crabbe, Goyle, you're with me now."
"Uhh…Okay," said Vincent with a shrug, glancing at Gregory who shrugged and nodded, as well.
"Good."
"Wait a minute!" Draco snapped furiously, glaring at his so-called friends.
"Get out of here, Malfoy," Theodore commanded. "It's time you learned your new place."
"I won't be going anywhere!" Draco snapped.
"Crabbe, Goyle…Get him out of here," Theodore commanded, stepping in the compartment to sit on Pansy's other side.
"Umm…Okay," Gregory said. He and Vincent stood and Draco glowered at them.
"Don't. You. Dare," Draco snarled.
Years of loyalty left the goons a bit confused as to handle Draco but it only took a few minutes for Theodore and his Mark to make a convincing argument. Draco watched in horror as Pansy scooted closer to Theodore while his old sidekicks cracked their knuckles and advanced on him. Blaise and Daphne glanced at each other uncertainly and shot Draco hopeless looks of apology that he glared at.
"Now would be a good time to move, Draco," Theodore said, smoothly taking out his wand.
"You wouldn't…" Draco began, gaping at the wand pointed in his direction.
At that moment, the compartment door slid open. "Oh, there you are D—Malfoy." Draco looked up in shock at Hermione Granger who stood primly in the doorway, looking at them all distastefully. "It's time we met the prefects."
"Wh…Oh, right," Draco said, clearing his throat and standing up. "I am Head Boy."
"Yes, you are," Hermione said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Hurry up. You, too, Parkinson. Unless you did us all a favor and resigned as prefect."
"Hardly," Pansy said. "Leave a Mudblood like you in charge? We need as many of the good ones as we can."
"Come on then! You're both late. And, Nott, you should put away that wand. I'm not afraid to dock points when we get to the castle," Hermione said.
"Yes, your royal Muddiness," Theodore muttered, putting his wand back into his robes.
The meeting with the prefects didn't take long, as Hermione was in a hurry since they were already running late. They gave the prefects their assignments for the night, from the train to the welcoming feast. Draco and Hermione stood back as the prefects left and Draco sighed heavily, fingering his Head Boy badge curiously. It would be slightly helpful with the situation but he doubted even this position was going to save his reputation at all. He dreaded returning to the compartment. Maybe he could just stay here instead. It was a bit pathetic being all alone but it's not like anyone else needed to know. He could always walk the train the whole time under the pretense of checking up on everyone.
"Why don't you come back to my compartment?" Hermione suggested.
"What?" Draco demanded.
"Well, you were hardly having an easy time in yours," Hermione replied. "I don't think anyone will mind, except maybe Ron. But I'm sure his new wife can keep a hold of him."
"His wife?" Draco repeated, eyes widening.
"Mhm," Hermione said unhappily. "He married Hannah. Her father wouldn't let them bond unless they got married so they had a small wedding yesterday or the day before."
"Wow," Draco said, following Hermione out of the prefects' compartment. "When will they start reproducing like rabbits?"
"I do not want to think about that," Hermione sighed.
"Still sore he dumped you?" Draco asked curiously.
Hermione glared at him. "You're more than welcome to return to your gang, you know."
"It was just a question," Draco said defensively. Perhaps he had said it a bit rudely but it was all he was used to. He couldn't help but feel a bit self-conscious walking around with a Mudblood but he figured since they were the Heads this year, they would have to be seen together.
"Sorry. I just feel like he's rubbing it in my face," Hermione murmured.
"Well maybe my being there will help then," Draco suggested. "I'm the reason he dumped you, if I recall. Maybe he'll be jealous."
"I don't see why he would be," Hermione snorted.
"I'm wealthy, devastatingly handsome, powerful, brilliant, a talented flyer, your soul mate, and the bloke who took your virginity. There are probably a million and one reasons but I figured those were the most obvious and most important," Draco explained.
Hermione blushed and quickened her pace, though she said nothing in response. They didn't say another word as they followed the prefects, checking up on the other students, checking in with the prefects, and, eventually, retiring to the compartment Hermione shared with her friends. It was already a bit crowded when the two of them entered. Harry bloody Potter was there, looking irritated with his bouncing and annoying younger sister who was right beside him. Ronald Weasley sat across from Harry with Hannah Abbott. or, rather, Weasley, wasn't it?, in his lap. Ginevra sat beside them, casting her brother and his wife dirty looks then shooting a sympathetic one to Harry before focusing on Neville Longbottom, who was beside her, continuing a conversation about a new band called the Drowning Pixies, comparing their lead singer to Ricky Blue of the Babbling Banshees.
"What the bloody hell is he doing here?" Weasley demanded as Hermione sat down beside Grace. While it was a bit cramped, Draco made the immediate decision to sit beside Hermione. It was a tight fit, too much for his liking, but the closer to Hermione the better. Weasley glared nastily at them.
He couldn't help himself. Just to spite the weasel he slid his arm around Hermione's shoulders, feeling a small physical shock hit him as he touched her. Once the surprise faded, Draco thought the feeling had been pleasant. It wasn't so bad touching Hermione, even if she was a Mudblood. She was warm, soft and smelled nice, like jasmine and vanilla. Weasley's glare intensified while Ginevra shot an approving look their direction along with a small smirk. Draco grinned in response as her bright brown eyes lit up mischievously. She obviously liked getting on her brother's nerves. Draco decided he liked that about her.
Hermione smiled softly as well and relaxed against Draco. "I invited him," she replied coolly.
"What? But…But why?" Weasley sputtered.
"Give it a rest, Ron," Potter grumbled irritably.
"Be nice, Ron!" Grace said happily. "I think it's wonderful you're here, Draco!"
"Well thank you," Draco said, a bit surprised.
"Gracie thinks you're good looking," Ginevra said, eyes sparkling with the same amusement as her tone.
"Don't tell him that, Ginny!" Grace exclaimed, face turning bright red.
"What, he wasn't supposed to know?" Ginevra asked teasingly. "It's all you've been talking about since Hermione found out they were soul mates."
"I was only telling her that it wasn't such a bad thing," Grace muttered, grinning despite how crimson her face was.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of. It is a well known fact that I am breathtakingly gorgeous," Draco said with a solemn nod of his head.
"You flatter yourself," Hermione muttered with a snort.
"You are!" Grace said with a nervous giggle. "It really is too bad you don't have brothers."
"Merlin, we don't need more of him," Ron muttered.
"Shhh," Hannah said quietly, giving him a peck on the cheek.
Ginevra eyed them and shook her head then shot Hermione a questioning look. Hermione didn't seem to understand, at first, but as Ginevra's eyes moved back and forth purposefully between Hermione and Draco, she seemed to get it. Draco was a bit confused. Hermione shook her head vigorously then Ginevra's eyes pointedly glanced at Ron and Hannah then Hermione finally relented with a nod and an appealing blush.
"So," Ginevra said, clearing her throat. "You never did tell me if you two have…consummated…the bond yet."
"Yes, well…I don't think that's anyone's business," Hermione said stiffly, face burning redder.
Weasley's eyes looked like they were about to bug out of his head.
"Y…You mean…You mean you…" Weasley sputtered.
"I never said anything, Ronald," Hermione said coldly.
"I was a bit surprised to learn that you and Hermione never had sex, Weasley," Draco piped up, unable to stop himself. Hermione glared at him while Ginevra seemed to be stifling laughter. "You were together for how long? And you never got that far?"
"I wasn't with the right person," Hermione said, shooting Draco a look that said he obviously wasn't the right person either and that he needed to shut his mouth.
"It wasn't just her decision!" Weasley snapped defensively.
"Now, Ron, calm down," Ginevra said, her voice betraying none of the amusement her face was. "You've both moved on now."
"If you call that moving on," Ron muttered.
Maybe being around this crowd wasn't so bad, after all, Draco decided.
The time James and Sirius came in from their game, Remus decided to leave; only getting Lily to let him go with the promise of going to talk to Tonks. After his conversation with his friend, he figured it was necessary. He firecalled her as soon as he got home only to remember that she had work. When that failed, he ended up writing her a short note to owl her, stating that he would like to talk with her once she had the chance, regretting it almost as soon as the owl flew off into the distance. He didn't even know what he wanted to say to her. At this rate, Remus wasn't sure he'd ever make up his mind. He did his best to stay calm the rest of the day, filling out useless job applications, reading the Daily Prophet, and fixing himself a small dinner.
At some point, Remus fell asleep on his couch reading a book. Tonks pulled him out of his sleep calling him but he couldn't remember anything about the dream, only the brief image of a shirtless Sirius Black storming towards him, a fiery look in his gray eyes that could have been anger, or something just as passionate that Remus wasn't ready to think about. He frowned as he sat up, feeling confused until Tonks called out to him again.
"Remus? Sorry, I couldn't tell if you were asleep or not," Tonks said, her head bouncing around in his fire. "Did you want to talk now or should I come back tomorrow?"
"No, now's fine. You can come over," Remus said, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He stood up then straightened himself while Tonks Flooed over. She seemed a bit anxious as she stumbled out of the fireplace, her hair spiky, colored electric blue with lime green and lemon yellow streaks. "Err…How are you?"
"I'm fine," she said with a nervous smile. "You?"
"Fine," Remus said, his amber eyes trailing down to her currently flat stomach. Her stomach looked ever so slightly rounded, but he wasn't sure if he was just imagining that or not. Realizing he was probably staring, Remus shook his head and smiled warmly. "Uh…Have a seat."
"Thanks," Tonks said, stumbling her way over to the couch then flopping down on it. "So I take it you wanted to talk about the baby?"
"In a way," Remus replied, sitting back down on the couch before having to reach under him to pull out the book he accidentally sat on. He closed it then set it down on the side table before turning back to Tonks. He hadn't really been in enough relationships to have much confidence when it came to women, and he certainly didn't know what he should be doing. "Ahem. I still want to be part of the baby's life."
"I know," Tonks said with a smile. "You'll be a great dad, Remus."
"I hope so," Remus replied. "Though…"
"Though?" Tonks prompted.
Remus was silent for several long minutes, lost in thought. Why hadn't he considered this before? He imagined what he might be like as a father, and wasn't sure why it didn't hit him sooner. Being a werewolf was a big part of who he was, something that affected him more than he liked. How was this going to affect his child?
"You…You don't think the baby will…will inherit my…lycanthropy…do you?" he asked, feeling a bit woozy.
"What?" Tonks asked, eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not sure, really. But it doesn't matter, does it? I'll still love him or her. And I'm sure it'll be fine. You're a werewolf and probably one of the best blokes I've ever met."
"Thanks," Remus said, torn between being touched by her kind words and panicking over the new thoughts that hit him. What if the baby turned out to be like him? Even if the baby didn't end up with lycanthropy, what sort of childhood would he have with a dad who was a werewolf?
Hell, Remus couldn't even get a job! The only reason he had the cheap flat he had now was doing odd jobs for people in the neighborhood, selling everything he could, saving as much money as possible, and, even with all of that, he would probably have to end up crashing with James and Lily or…Well, he wasn't so sure he could count on Sirius nowadays. He could barely take care of himself, let alone providing for a child.
"Remus, stop it," Tonks said gently. "Don't go beating yourself up. I love you, Remus. Do you understand that? I love you and this baby is going to love you. Your friends love you. I know that you hate what you are but that doesn't define you. Remus, you will be an amazing dad. You have to know that. I know it. There is no one in this world I can think of who would love this baby more. Think of how you are with Harry and Grace! They aren't even your flesh and blood. They're so lucky to have you in their lives and there's no one I would rather have as the father of my child. Are you listening?"
"I…Harry and Grace don't have to deal with everyone knowing their father is a monster! I can't even…I can't even hold a job…I probably won't even have a home next year! I can't…I can't take care of a baby."
"Remus, I have a job, it's fine. You just need to be there for him or her, alright? Don't let this junk get to your head because it's all rubbish."
Tonks scooted closer to Remus and wrapped her arms around him. Remus managed to calm down slightly, feeling somewhat foolish for his panicking though, at the same time, it was hard to let go of such negative thoughts. He never imagined he would actually have children one day, despite wanting to settle down and have a family. He hadn't really thought it was possible for his kind to reproduce.
"Now, Remus…What did you want to talk to me about?" Tonks asked, stroking her hand up and down his arm.
"I don't know," Remus replied, raking his fingers through his hair. "I was hoping to have something figured out by now. To know what I want to do."
"And you haven't figured it out yet?" Tonks asked with a small smile. "Or are you just second guessing yourself because of…everything?"
Remus sighed. "I'm not sure, really. I thought that maybe I would like to…to give our relationship a real shot. For the baby. But that's not fair to you, is it? Then all of this. It's just…I never expected this to happen. I don't really…know…anything."
"Well, I think giving us a shot…for the baby…is a good place to start," Tonks said with a smile. "We don't need to feel any pressure to force a relationship to work but I think giving it a chance wouldn't be the worst thing out there. And, I've already told you, it doesn't matter that you're a werewolf, Remus. You'll still be the best daddy any child could ask for. If the baby…gets that gene then we'll deal with it. If not, then that's great. But your child will never be ashamed of you. I'm not. Your friends aren't. This baby won't be, either. Just you wait and see. Don't let those fears drive you away because, I promise, this baby would rather have a werewolf for a father than no father at all."
"Right," Remus said, nodding slowly. He wasn't so sure about that, but he wasn't going to deprive his child of his presence in his or her life. He wasn't so sure he could just abandon his child, even if he thought he was doing so for selfless reasons. "Merlin. I'm sorry, Dora."
"For what?" Tonks laughed.
"For calling you over here and being all dramatic," Remus chuckled. "I don't mean it. Everything's just been so crazy, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," Tonks said softly, giving his leg a small squeeze. "Well, you go back to sleep. D'you want to do dinner tomorrow?"
"I…Sure," Remus replied, shaking his head. His mind felt so full and crazy right now but, somehow, Tonks's comforting words made him feel a bit calmer, just slightly more at ease. He couldn't help but be grateful to her. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," she said with a bright smile, walking to the fireplace with such a happy skip to her step that he was surprised she stayed on her feet.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
The welcoming feast had not gone as smoothly as Draco had hoped, though it could have been worse. Either because Draco was Head Boy or because they were in public, none of the Slytherin dared try anything too obvious. He did have a feeling all through dinner that they were giving him odd looks and talking about him but that could have just been paranoia. He spent his time focusing on Blaise and Daphne. But even they seemed a bit distant in their conversations.
Draco, apparently, underestimated how fast news traveled and how little 'friendships' in Slytherin meant, overestimated his own power and influence. He strode through the dungeons, purposefully, after dinner, head held high and chest puffed out to show off the shiny Head Boy badge that adorned his chest. The young Malfoy was proud of his new position and would be glad to use it to his advantage as much as possible.
Only, it didn't seem that everyone thought that the position gave him any sort of entitlement or earned him any respect. Draco frowned when he saw something strange down the corridor realizing, as he got closer, that a large group of Slytherin students had formed a line from one wall to the one across from it, one that wouldn't be easy to walk through. Theodore Nott was in the center, flanked by Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode. His stomach jumped as he eyed the group suspiciously. This did not look good, but Draco wasn't going to let his fear show.
"Move," he barked at the group.
"Tsk, tsk. That's not how we ask nicely," Theodore said.
"I'm not nice, am I?" Draco retorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm Head Boy."
"I can see that," Theodore said with amusement, eying the badge. "Need I remind you what I am?"
Draco gulped and shifted around to try to make himself look taller. "You don't have any authority here, Nott. I do. And I said to move. You're blocking the way."
"I may not have any authority in this rotten school but, I assure, you I have power you could only dream of, Malfoy," Theodore assured him quietly. There was a dark glimmer in his eyes that made Draco want to back away. "I would suggest you go find your own kind."
"I'm a Slytherin, Nott. Slow tonight, are we?"
"I'm not the one making dumb choices here, Malfoy," Theodore said. "Run along. You're not welcome here anymore."
"You hardly have the right to kick me out of the dungeons," Draco snapped.
"No?" Theodore said. "I can always…force…you out. My master has taught me plenty of useful tricks." Theodore slid his wand out of his robes, lazily pointing it in Draco's direction. "It's up to you."
"Put that down, Nott," Blaise growled from down the line.
Theodore quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't realize you were involved in this, Zabini."
"Draco's my friend. Leave him alone," Blaise said through gritted teeth. He didn't look all that sure of himself but Draco was still grateful for the support.
"Malfoy stopped being the friend of any self-respecting Slytherin the moment he picked up his skirts and ran away from the Dark Lord," Pansy drawled, looking at him as though he was mud stuck to the bottom of her expensive shoes.
"What do you know about self-respect, Pansy?" snarled Daphne. Her voice was quiet, obviously hoping to make a nasty comment without being heard, but in the otherwise silent corridor, the words rang out loud and clear. Daphne averted her gaze, face bright red, though she held her head high and didn't seem to be backing out.
"You two are willing to risk your place for him?" Theodore asked.
"Friendship is worth a lot to some people."
The voice didn't come from any of the Slytherins. Draco froze as he felt a group approaching, recognizing the voice of Harry Potter in the dungeon, though he didn't dare turn to look. Everyone else saw them coming, though: Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, and Ginevra Weasley followed shortly by a reluctant looking Ronald and Hannah Weasley.
"This is Slytherin territory, golden boy," Tracey Davis spat from Millicent's left. "Don't tell me you lost your way to Gryffindork Tower."
"We know exactly where we are, Tracey," Ginevra said coldly.
"Oooh, I think they've come to your rescue, Malfoy," Theodore chuckled. "He's gone soft on us."
"Leave him alone!" Neville Longbottom snapped to Draco's surprise. He wasn't the only one, if the shocked looks on the Slytherin faces said anything.
"Or what?" Theodore challenged.
"Or we'll make you," Harry said.
"Yeah!" said a new voice, footsteps echoing in the corridor as Grace Potter ran up to them, stopping beside Ron, out of breath.
"Grace, what the bloody hell are you doing down here?" Harry Potter hissed.
"Well I wasn't going to let you come alone! I wanted to see what you were doing!" Grace said.
"Aww, even a second year is sticking up for him," snickered Millicent.
"I'm a third year!" Grace snapped indignantly.
"Grace, go upstairs!" Hermione whispered loudly.
"Quite the army you've got there, Malfoy," laughed Theodore.
"Curse him, Harry!" Grace cheered.
"I'm with Grace on this one," Ginevra said.
Draco hardly knew what to do. Since he had to live with the Slytherins, he wasn't sure going against them was the smartest idea. But antagonizing the Gryffindors didn't sound very appealing either. Especially since the Slytherins had been giving him trouble before they came along.
"Theodore, just…" Daphne said, stopping in the middle to clear her throat before restarting, her voice louder now. "Theodore, just leave him alone!"
"Maybe we should move you and Dr-Malfoy to the Tower then," Pansy said.
"Maybe we should move you a pen with all of Hagrid's other animals," Blaise muttered.
"You arsehole!" Pansy squealed.
"Zabini's got a point, y'know," Weasley spoke up.
"I dunno, I don't think Hagrid would like her very much. That's pretty bad since he usually likes them ugly and mean," Grace giggled.
"That one wasn't all that clever, Gracie," Ginevra sighed.
"Was, too!" Grace argued.
"Shut up!" Harry snapped. "Look, just let him through and leave him alone, alright?"
"I don't think so, Potter," Theodore said. "You want him so much, you take him."
"No. You can keep him," Weasley said.
"Shut up, Ronald!" Hermione hissed.
Tracey giggled. "Look. Even Gryffindors don't like Gryffindors."
"You're one to talk. You're trying to kick out one of your own," Hermione argued.
"He's not one of us anymore," Theodore assured her.
"That's it, Nott! Detention," Draco finally said. He was Head Boy and, while he couldn't punish the other prefects, he could take points and give detention to students. Teachers could always overrule him but Draco highly doubted they would in this case.
"You think a detention is going to stop me? Stop all of us?" Theodore said coldly. "We don't want you here. And, I assure you, if you stay, you'll wish you had taken us up on the offer to leave."
"If you touch him you'll have us to deal with, Nott," Hermione growled.
"Oooh…I'm scared of the big, bad Mudblood.
"DON'T CALL HER THAT!" several voices rang out from behind him. Draco himself had to keep his mouth shut from following their example. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Potter, Weasley, and Ginevra had pulled out their wands. Theodore raised his a bit more, glaring at them a bit more seriously now.
"What is going on here?" drawled a familiar voice.
"Nothing, Professor," several voices rang out as Severus Snape strode past the Gryffindors to stand in the middle of the two groups.
"What are you doing down here?" he demanded of the Gryffindors, and one Huffelpuff.
"Just leaving…sir," Potter replied sarcastically.
"Five points from Gryffindor for a disrespectful tone, Potter," Severus said. "And ten points from all of you for being down here. One point from each Slytherin out of bed, as well." That still put Gryffindor in worse shape than Slytherin. "All of you, off to your dorms. And detention for Mr. Nott, Potter, Weasley, and you, Miss Weasley. For attempting to duel in the corridor."
"We didn't even do anything!" Weasley snapped.
"Another five points from Gryffindor, Weasley," Severus said. "Nott, you'll be with Professor Trelawney."
Theodore looked like he would rather spoon out his own eyeballs.
"Weasley, with Filch."
"Bloody hell," Weasley muttered.
"Miss Weasley, with Professor McGonagall."
Ginevra sighed but said nothing.
"And Potter…Potter, you'll be with me."
"What?" Potter demanded angrily.
Severus smirked. "You heard me, Potter. You'll serve detention with me tomorrow night after dinner. The rest of you will be alerted by your detention supervisors when you will serve." Severus then looked from the slowly departing Slytherins, the lingering Blaise and Daphne then to the still frozen Draco. "You may be Head Boy but you will return to your common room as well."
"Yes, sir," Draco said gratefully as Severus shot a glare in Theodore's direction. Theodore's jaw clenched but he said nothing and followed his House mates to their common room. Blaise and Daphne came to walk on either side of him.
"Merlin, we are so doomed," Daphne groaned.
"I can't believe I did that," Blaise muttered.
"Thanks, guys," Draco whispered. He was a bit offended by their reluctance to help but touched all the same that they had stood up for him in the end. Draco wasn't sure he would have done the same in their positions. Maybe that was one thing that had to change. He realized now how fickle the relationships built in his life had been and how dangerous his attitude was proving to be.
Severus didn't have to look to know that when the rest of the students departed, Harry Potter remained and followed him to his office.
"What are you thinking, giving me detention with you? Alone?" Potter snapped.
Severus smirked before turning to glare at the boy. "I am your professor, Potter, and you will address me with respect."
"Fine then. Sir," Potter growled.
"Better," Severus said. "You know well why you have detention. You had your wand drawn and aimed at Theodore Nott. You also know that Professor Dumbledore wants us to meet. To practice."
"But the bond…" Potter argued.
"We are safe from the bond," Severus reminded him impatiently. "Your bracelet? Remember it?"
"What if it fails?" Potter demanded. "Malfunctions?"
"Then it fails," Severus said. "It's not as if I haven't fucked your pretty little arse before, Potter."
"Well, I would rather you didn't do it again, you sick pervert," Potter snarled.
"Only a sick pervert would enjoy the sort of rough buggering I gave you boy," Severus drawled. "And another ten points from Gryffindor I believe. Shall we make it another detention, then?"
"Fuck off," Potter snapped.
"If that's how you would prefer to spend your detention, then so be it," Severus replied. "You will meet me here tomorrow night and the next, then. Both after dinner. Understood?"
"Brilliant," Potter spat sarcastically, glowering at him. Severus felt the familiar heated arousal coil in his stomach and he moved forward, stopped by some invisible force almost a foot away from Potter. The boy's eyes were dark in his own lust. Severus watched his tongue flick out to trail along those soft lips that Severus was suddenly hungering for. He could just imagine himself absolutely devouring the young wizard and enjoying every last inch of his delectable skin. Severus shivered despite himself.
Potter looked ready to lean in himself but the band he wore seemed to stop him from making any progress towards Severus, either. The action seemed to snap him out of it. His cheeks flushed red and Potter glared at him one more time before spinning around then marching out of his office.
Once his lust had calmed down, Severus was positive he had never been more infuriated with himself in his life. Brats like Potter shouldn't leave him craving for this much more.
Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get up! Too many distractions, too little time lol.
Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Madamdragon, unneeded, and Sablesilverrain!
To Sablesilverrain:...tis not nice to clobber the author, you know :P i might have too much brain damage to update now xD
Big thanks also goes out to my wonderful beta, Dani, for making me proud to show this thing off and so I won't have to cringe in shame and horror whenever I read through my own chapters lol!
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