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Survivor's Guilt	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Lucius Views: 34080 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I make any money of this dark dance of Harry Potter fanfic.

Chapter List
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Chapter 17

Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Thanks, Tenchi, you're the best!

Letting himself in through the front door of his father's flat, Draco dismissed the elf that appeared offering to announce him then show the way to the study. After all, he could come and go as he liked and knew the way by heart.

Walking towards the study, he was actually curious about what was going on with his father. Since the day he had abruptly Apparated away, Lucius had not been at the flat, saying he was needed for something and staying elsewhere. As Draco knew, there were very few left that would even associate with Lucius because of the war. And, because of his parole, there were many he wasn't allowed to be around. That left him wondering who his father was dealing with all the time. In the message he had received the day before, Lucius made it clear that there was going to be someone else at the normal meeting they had to sign papers, but assured him they were safe and wouldn't say a word. This was decidedly odd, of course, and had Draco speculating who it was. Even more curious, his father had gathered all the young house elves here earlier. From what he knew of traditions, that was to allow an older elf from another house, usually one of the old pureblood lines, to find a replacement. Off the top of his head, he couldn't think of any of the older lines that had anything to do with them anymore. Now he was perplexed.

Arriving at the partially open study door, Draco gave a perfunctory knock then let himself in. Nodding to his father, who was sitting at his desk going over reams of papers to do with their finances, his eyes slid to the sofa in the room. There was someone sleeping there, but he didn't know who. All he could tell was they were male, but even that seemed to be more of a guess. They were covered up with a light sheet with nothing but the back of their head showing and tousled black hair sticking up. Now he was decidedly curious as to whom this could be.

Looking up, Lucius gestured for his son to take a seat. When Draco did, he said, “It's nothing to trouble yourself with, Draco. More than likely, he'll sleep through most of what we need to go over. If he doesn't, it's not a concern.”

Glancing towards the body on the sofa, Draco asked, quietly, trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake him, “Who is he?”

“A friend of mine,” Lucius told him. Not sure what to say on the matter, he explained, “He's ill right now and his Healer has asked that he not be left alone. I've agreed to stay with him.”

Taking that in, Draco nodded, eyes once more sliding in that direction. He wanted to ask who it was, to see if they were someone he knew, but didn't. After all, if his father wanted him to know, he would have come out and said it. Settling back, he asked, keeping his voice down, “What do we need to cover, father?”

“The usual,” Lucius said, starting to hand over forms that needed Draco's signature on them. Smirking slightly, he told his son, “No need to keep your voice down. It won't disturb him. He's on some powerful potions that make him sleep most of the time. Even when awake, he's groggy. No, you won't bother him.”

Knowing what some potions, especially the really powerful ones, could do, Draco nodded, relaxing slightly. Looking over what he was handed, Draco quickly signed it then passed it back. “I wanted to ask—the house elves you brought over? Does another family need a young one? Not that I take issue, of course, I'm just curious.”

“Yes, one of the old house's needs a replacement for an aging elf. I offered one of ours. Just a standard thing,” Lucius told him dismissively.

Even more curious since Draco didn't know which old line could even be in contact with Lucius, he wanted to ask, but didn't. It was his thought that if his father wanted him to know, he would tell him. “They found a suitable one, I take it?”

“Oh, yes,” Lucius nodded. “He is quite pleased with the one he took with.” Handing over some more forms, he walked his son through what they were and why they needed to be signed.

Focusing on that, Draco nodded, asking questions when he didn't understand something. Though he was still highly curious as to who was asleep on the sofa, his mind was now on business, something required.

About an hour later, as Draco was signing the last of the papers, Harry woke up. Groggy, out of it and not exactly sure where he even was, something normal by now, he groaned, tossed the sheet off of himself and sat up, rubbing his eyes. Looking around, he spied Lucius.

Stopping when Harry started to stir, Lucius watched him until he sat up. “All is well, Harry?” He asked quietly.

Scrubbing a hand over his face to get with it at least a little, Harry nodded. “Yeah, nothing to worry about. Just need the loo.”

“Let me get one of the elves to show you where it is,” Lucius told him softly.

About to say he didn't need Kreacher to help him find his own loo, Harry then squinted and looked around. He wasn't home. Shaking his head, groaning, he asked, “Where am I anyway?”

“My flat,” Lucius explained, having expected that. “We were coming over here today, remember?”

“I thought Andromeda was coming over today,” Harry told him, rubbing his eyes, confused. With the potions, he was usually more than a little disoriented and days tended to run together. So, he had to be reminded of what went on when.

“That was yesterday,” Lucius told him gently. This was normal so he was used to it by now. Once he explained something, Harry would remember and get it then go on fine.

Frowning, looking down, Harry tried to remember if he had seen her or not. It took a minute or so, but he recalled a few snippets of conversation. Nodding, he sighed, “Alright, I remember now. Just a little out of it.”

“I assumed,” Lucius said. Calling for Blinky, he had the elf lead the young man to the loo.

Sitting there, clutching a quill, Draco stared at the man leaving. It was Harry Potter. Eyes wide, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Not only was Potter in his father's flat, it seemed that's who his father was staying with! On top of that, Potter looked like hell. There were dark circles under his eyes, he was out of it, having the look of some he saw at work that were on potions regimens that left them very disoriented. If that wasn't enough, he was in a muggle sleeveless undershirt that clearly showed he was emaciated to the point he looked like he had been starved for a couple months. Hell, in his line of work, the only time they ever saw someone that thin was in a wasting disease that heralded the end of life.

Swallowing thickly, Draco looked at his father, eyes overly wide, wanting an explanation.

Looking at his son, Lucius started to explain. “Remember me telling you about the Wizard I was meeting up with at the pub with his Muggle relative?” Seeing Draco nod, Lucius pushed on, “It's Harry and his cousin, Dudley. I assure you, nothing is off, Draco. We have become friends.”

Looking to the doorway Potter vanished through back to his father then to the doorway once more, he asked, tone astonished, “What's wrong with him?”

“He's ill,” Lucius told him once more, not really wanting to go into it more than that.

“That's bloody obvious! He looks like death warmed over!” Draco said, looking back at his father. “He's seeing a Healer I take it?”

“Yes,” Lucius assured him with a dismissive wave. “I can assure you, he looks worse than it is. I'm ensuring that he eats and takes his potions. It's just going to take him time to get better and put on weight.”

Swallowing several times, Draco looked at his father, not sure what to say. “Potter?” He finally asked.

Smirking, leaning back, Lucius said, “Yes. Nothing nefarious on either of our ends, Draco, rest assured. Harry and his cousin were meeting up at a pub I go to after my sessions. Let's say I invited myself to join them one day and it's progressed from there. We have a good time, doing all manner of things. In fact, if you stay a while longer, you'll get to meet Dudley. He's coming over after he gets off work. I think you'll like him. Dudley is quite an amiable being.”

Nodding, taking that in, Draco was about to say something when Potter shuffled back in and flopped onto the sofa, rubbing his eyes. He was groggy, you could easily see that. Now, really, as a Healer himself he wanted to know what was wrong with Potter. The only ailments he could come up with that would make you look this bad tended to be fatal and by this stage you should be in hospital. Giving his father a panicked look, he wasn't sure what to say.

“He is fine,” Lucius soothed, waving a dismissive hand. Focusing on Harry, he asked, “Would you like something to eat, Harry?”

Looking at Lucius, rubbing his eyes, Harry nodded, “Yeah, some fruit or something.”

“What would you like to drink? Tea, butterbeer or something else?” Lucius asked.

“Butterbeer,” Harry said, leaning back, looking around. Quickly, his eyes lit on Draco, who was looking all but panicked. “Hi, Draco,” he said, hoping his voice wasn't too slurred.

“Potter,” Draco managed to get out, looking back at his father.

Quickly, one of the elves popped in with Harry's snack. Crossing his legs on the sofa, Harry began to munch, pretty much tuning out what else was going on. Focusing on more than one thing just wasn't going to happen right now, so he was going to worry about his food, rather than Draco.

Keeping an eye on Harry to make certain all was going well, Lucius then focused back on his son. “All is fine, Draco,” he reiterated.

“It doesn't look fine, father,” Draco said, eyes sliding back to Potter. “Who is his Healer? They need to be hexed for not having him in St. Mungos!”

“He worked something out with his Healer to stay out of hospital,” Lucius explained. “It's all good, I assure you. It's also the reason I stay with him.”

Though there were mixed feelings there about his old nemesis from school, Draco was now, first and foremost, a Healer. That took precedence over any old rivalries. “He's on nutrient potions, right? Something to help him gain weight?”

“Yes, and an appetite stimulator, not to mention several others. All that needs to be done for him is being handled, Draco,” Lucius soothed.

Though focused on his snack, Harry was picking up enough of the conversation to get what Draco was asking. Rubbing his eyes after eating a chunk of melon, he said, “Nothing to worry about, Malfoy, I'm good. I just have to put some weight on and get used to the potions.”

“You need more than that, Potter! You look like you could drop dead any minute!” Draco told him, looking back to his father. Draco was about to say something more, but the look that passed over his father's face at that stopped him. Brow furrowed, he looked at Lucius and asked, “What's wrong?”

Shaking his head, Lucius soothed, “I assure you, it's fine, Draco. He'll be getting better soon.”

Brow furrowed, Draco continued to look at his father, not sure what to make of the look that he had seen. He wasn't sure what brought it on, but it was almost a pained looked when he mentioned Potter dropping dead. Shaking his head, he looked back at Potter then asked, “What's the diagnosis? Have they found out or are they still testing?”

“No clue what he calls it officially,” Harry said, rubbing his eyes.

“It's nothing to worry about, Draco,” Lucius imparted once more, not wanting to give up what the official diagnosis was. With the shape Harry was in, Draco would get in seconds what the real problem was. After all, as a Healer, he had to take some courses in Mind Healing.

Rounding on his father, Draco looked at him, wide eyed, “Well, give me his Healers name and I'll talk to him. He can't realize how bad this is! I mean, any of us would have him in St. Mungos!”

“Just tell him, Lucius,” Harry sighed, rubbing his eyes. He remembered what Malfoy was like in school. It was doubtful that he had changed that much. If he wanted information, he would bug the living shite out of you until he got it.

“No,” Lucius said softly. “You might not care right now, Harry, but you will and then will regret it.” Looking at his son, he said, “Draco, you need to just trust me. It appears bad, yes, but it's being dealt with correctly. It'll be fine. You know I attend to such things and ensure it. That's the case here.”

Swallowing, looking from his father to Potter, Draco didn't like this, not at all. If his father didn't want anyone telling him what was wrong with Potter, it had to be quite serious. However, he also knew enough to get that if Lucius was involved, things would be handled correctly. Nodding, he said, “You're certain it's being handled properly?”

“I am,” Lucius nodded firmly. “I will make certain, Draco.”

“If you need help or it gets worse, you'll get hold of me, right, father?” Draco asked.

“I will, Draco,” Lucius assured him. “However, I don't anticipate having to do that. Harry is in good hands and being properly cared for.”

Draco was about to ask some more questions, of both of them, when he was startled by several odd cartons of that Coke drink that his father had them try appearing on Lucius' desk.

Smirking hugely, Lucius looked at Harry and said, “It appears Dudley is here.”

“Yeah, he got you your Coke fix,” Harry said, eyeing the cases of the soft drink.

“Indeed!” Lucius said, looking pleased. Calling one of the elves, he gave instructions to take it to Grimmauld Place but leave a couple cans for him and Draco. Just as he was handing one over to his son, one of his elves ushered Dudley in. Leaning back, he nodded, “Hello, Dudley!”

“Hey, mate!” Dudley grinned. “I got your Coke.” Looking at the desk, he chuckled then said, grinning bigger, “I see you found that out already.” Eyes sliding to his cousin, he said, “Hey, Harry! You're looking a bit better today.”

“Hi, Dudley,” Harry said before munching on some strawberries.

Looking back at Lucius' desk, he saw the other person there. Nodding, he said, “You must be Draco. You look just like your dad.”

Smirking, Lucius nodded, “Indeed. Draco, this is Dudley Dursley, Harry's cousin. Dudley, this is my son, Draco.”

Walking forward, Dudley held his hand out to Draco, “Hey there, mate! Your dad talks about you a lot.”

Standing, taking the man's hand, Draco shook it. “Hello, Dudley.” Actually, Draco was rather impressed. Though, from the looks of this person he seemed to be a dimwit like Crabbe and Goyle were in school, but like his father said, he seemed very amiable and when he opened his mouth, it was obvious that he was not stupid in any way.

Taking a seat after Lucius conjured one, Dudley looked at Harry then grinned, “You going to be up for playing some cards? It'll do Lucius' ego good! With as out of it as you are, he might have a chance of beating at least one of us!”

Trying to look affronted, though it failed and just looked downright amused, Lucius said, “I am not that bad of a player!”

Grinning at Lucius, Dudley told him, “Never said you were, mate! We just have more practice at it so you get your butt whooped, badly.”

“Well, yes, perhaps that is true,” Lucius snorted, leaning back in his chair, still looking amused. “The games we play aren't ones I’m familiar with so the two of you do have a distinct advantage.”

“Hence the comment. With Harry all wonky, you have a chance of beating one of us.” Dudley grinned.

Looking decidedly amused at that, Lucius snorted, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Yes, well, I hold my own.”

“True! You've actually caught on very quickly. I just figured an out of it Harry would do your ego some good and help take the sting out of the bruises it gets,” Dudley chuckled. Looking over at his cousin, he said, “Right, Harry?”

Snorting, Harry nodded, looking between Lucius and Dudley. “Yeah, I think I can hold my own for a couple hands. Don't count on it longer than that, though.” Brow furrowed, he said, “I think I have something or other to take in a while, not sure though.”

Casting a Tempus, Lucius said, “Not for over an hour, Harry, so we'll be fine for a few hands.” Eyes lighting on his son, he offered, “You're more than welcome to join us, Draco. It's quite enjoyable. The game is very easy to learn. Besides, you can give me an assist in beating these two. Even with Harry not as with it as normal, Dudley is formidable to take on.”

“Mate, the more the merrier with this. Playing cards is fun,” Dudley told Draco. “We'll walk you through it. If you're a Healer, catching onto a simple card game isn't going to be a problem.” Looking over at Harry, he asked, “Right, Harry?” Right now, he knew Harry would agree to almost anything, what with how out of it he was, but this was normal and that's what they were going for.

“Works for me,” Harry said, rubbing his eyes.

Though this was decidedly odd, Draco glanced between the three in the room then nodded, “I believe, if you can teach me the game, I'll join in for a while. It'll be a couple hours before I’m expected back home.”

“Very good,” Lucius said, looking pleased. Checking around on his desk, he said, “I believe that's all we had to attend to, Draco, so what say we move to the game room and embark on teaching you what is needed. That way I have someone to team up with so the trouncing I'll take won't be as bad as normal!”

“Don't count on that,” Dudley grinned.

“One can only hope. Optimism is the key, Dudley,” Lucius said, amused. Looking over at Harry, he said, “You ready, Harry? I'll have the elf take your snack with us. Besides, we always have some very non-healthy foods awaiting us when we play.”

Pushing the tray back, Harry told him, “That's fine. Just lead the way.”

An hour later, Draco realized that, indeed, he was having fun! At first, he had been dubious, but as the game progressed he realized it was most enjoyable. Dudley and his father, for the most part, were the ones that were joking around. Potter, though drawn in, didn't say much. That was understandable considering how out of it he was, though the other two kept making certain to include him.

As the game went on, Draco began to get the sneaking suspicion that, though there appeared to be some very serious physical symptoms involved in whatever this was, the illness Potter was dealing with was a mental one. With the way Dudley and his father were acting, the joking around and whatnot, it was something that appeared to be a way to act normal. Potter, well, he was fairly out of it and far too readily agreeable on most everything. He knew potions had many side effects, but the only ones he knew that had secondary reactions like this were the various potions Mind Healers used. However, that led him to wondering just what was wrong with Potter.

Honestly, Draco, like many of the younger Healers, knew that psychological problems were just another form of illness, something older Healers didn't subscribe to. He was also well aware, because of his training, that the effects of such illnesses were just as catastrophic as any physical one. If that's what Potter was dealing with, it was apparently bad considering how affected he was by the potions. Now, well, he was even more curious.

Finishing off the hand, something his father won, Draco leaned back, taking a drink of the Coke he had.

Grinning across the table at Lucius, Dudley said, “I think that's a first, Lucius. You won.”

“Yes, I believe it is a first,” Lucius smirked smugly. “It does feel rather good.” He was about to say something else, when Kreacher popped in with Harry's potions. Taking them from the elf, he nodded then looked across the table. Harry, though more with it than he had been, still wasn't in the best of shape. He had, though, participated more than any of them thought he would. At least, from Lucius' perspective, there were shades of the old Harry there, something he was reluctant to give up by handing over the dose of potions. However, he was well aware of what would happen if those potions wore off. No, that wasn't good.

Quickly checking the vials he had, he handed them over to Harry in the order they needed to be taken. While Harry was downing them, he had an elf ready the couch for the young man. He was well aware that Harry would be out cold in minutes after taking this batch.

Sitting there, Draco watched the potions being handed over. A couple he could tell were standard nutrient potions, though on the more powerful end of the spectrum when it came to those kinds, and another was to increase the appetite. However, three of them were ones that raised his eyebrows. From the names he was able to glimpse, they were among the strongest potions available made for depression. Though he didn't specialize in Mind Healing, he had taken the courses and remembered that those particular potions, when combined, were used to treat only two kinds of depression; catatonic or suicidal. As Potter wasn't catatonic, that left the other one. Now he was seriously troubled. Watching as Potter settled himself on the sofa, then went out like a candle, he waited for his father to come back.

Sitting back down at the table, Lucius said, “Though down one player, I suggest we continue on. This is most enjoyable. You willing, Draco?”

Looking at his father, Draco smirked then nodded, “Yes, father. Though dubious, I am enjoying the game.”

“Works for me,” Dudley grinned, picking up the cards and starting to shuffle them.

Settling back, Lucius sipped his Coke, waiting.

Glancing at Potter, he then looked at both of the men at the table, gathering the cards as they were dealt to him. Before they ended up too involved in this hand, he said, softly, “First, I want to say whatever you tell me, I'll keep my oath as a Healer to not impart it to anyone.” Stopping, he glanced at the two, then said, “How bad is the depression? There are only two forms of depression that particular regimen is used for. As he's not catatonic, it's being used to treat suicidal depression. Just how bad is it?”

Stopping, Lucius glanced at Dudley, who had stiffened. Rubbing his eyes, he hadn't thought about his son figuring it out. “Draco--” he started, trailing off.

“I won't say anything, father. You have my oath,” Draco told him softly, looking at Potter. “How bad is it?”

Looking across the table at Lucius, Dudley looked at Draco then said, “Mate, you can't say anything to him about knowing. He doesn't care right now, but that's the damned potions. He wouldn't care if his clothes were on fire while he was wearing them.”

“I won't say a word,” Draco imparted firmly.

Sighing, Lucius said, “He attempted suicide last week. We, that is Dudley and I, were seeing symptoms for quite some time before that. There was just nothing we could do to get him help.”

Putting his cards down on the table, Draco looked at the sleeping Potter, brow furrowed. Shaking his head, he asked, quietly, “How overt was the attempt?”

“As overt as one can get,” Lucius told him, a dour look on his face.

Nodding, looking down, Draco sighed, shaking his head. That, of course, brought up all the unresolved feelings about his mother and what she had done. He pushed that aside, however, then looked at Potter again. “He's got a Mind Healer?”

“The same one we go to,” Lucius told him.

That gave Draco some relief. “Good. He's one of excellent ones.” Looking at the two, he asked, quietly, “It's the war, isn't it?”

“Yes,” Lucius told him with a nod.

“The anniversary—it's been giving him issues,” Dudley told him softly. “He talked a little with me about it. Not too much as I'm not all that familiar with all that went on with that mess, but enough. I know it's bothering him. More than he lets on. It's not all the problem, that's for certain, but it's not helping.”

“He's not the only one having problems with this milestone,” Draco told them softly. Looking at Potter, he felt his stomach curdle. Of all the ones he might expect something like this from, Potter was the last he thought would get into this shape. Looking at his father, he said, quietly, “Promise me if he has issues at night, get me there and I'll help while you get Netherwood. I can get something down him while you get his Healer.”

“I will,” Lucius said, glancing at Potter.

Shaking his head, still staring at his old rival, Draco said, “Now, father, what do you say we gang up on Dudley and one of us try to win this hand?”

Smirking, glad to be off that topic, Lucius nodded, seeing a grin from Dudley, “Yes! The two of us should be a match for him!”

“No chance,” Dudley told him, chuckling. “Count on getting whooped!”

“My son and I are a formidable team, Dudley! You will have problems with this hand,” Lucius imparted smoothly.

“Bring it on,” Dudley laughed, sorting through his cards.

Amused by the banter, Draco, though, couldn't help but keep glancing at Potter. It was disturbing to know the shape he was in considering what he had been like in school. And it bothered him more than he cared to admit. He was certain that part of the issue had to do with his mother, but that wasn't all of it.

Giving a mental shake of his head, he focused on the game and table talk, amused by the banter. Maybe, just maybe, if his father would allow it, he might have to attend a couple more of these games. It was quite fun!

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Survivor's Guilt