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Snape's Story	By : tbird1965 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 33390 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Complete. Het, solo, oral.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
“So are you ready? Minerva is expecting us in her office.”

Snape had arrived at the appointed time for their trip to Hogwarts. He sat in the chair opposite her desk, a dark look on his face.

“What's wrong Severus?” She asked gently.

“This trip is an exercise in futility. I neither desire nor deserve Albus' forgiveness.” His eyes narrowed and his expression grew dark as she smiled..

“Oh I am sorry Severus.” She said, still smiling at him. “I can't promise this trip will be painless, but I do promise you it will be beneficial. You'll see. Now come on.” She stepped around her desk and held out her hand for him to take. “Come on, we don't want to keep Minerva waiting.” She said firmly when he remained seated, scowling up at her.

“Insufferable, impossible cheeky know it all.” He muttered as he stood up. Folding his hands behind his back, he purposefully ignored her offered hand.

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

“Do mind the rug.” Minerva McGonagall called out as the two stepped through the fireplace into the Headmistress' Office. Moving from behind her desk she embraced Hermione warmly. “It's so good to see you dear. And Severus, welcome back.” She held her arms out to him, but he stepped away, his arms remained folded behind his back.

“Minerva.” He said, nodding his head to her.

Hermione shook her head at his formal approach to his old Headmistress and fellow teacher. “Are you ready Minerva?”

“Yes dear. I thought we might have a bit of tea in my quarters while they chat.”

“You aren't staying?” He raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at Hermione.

“Of course not. This is between you and Professor Dumbledore.”

“But you'll be wanting me to recount the entire conversation later.”

“If you'd like. That's entirely up to you Severus. Minerva?”

The older woman had been watching with interest, the exchange between the former Potions Professor and his student turned counselor. “Yes dear, just a moment.” She stepped behind her desk and stared up at the portrait of the slumbering Headmaster. “Albus, wake up.” She called loudly. “You have a visitor.” Hermione had to bite back a bark of laughter when the Scottish woman smacked the portrait's frame sharply and called out his name again. The sleeping Wizard jumped dramatically, knocking his pointed hat askew.

“What is it Minnie.” He yawned, reaching up to resettle his hat.

“Visitors.” She repeated, motioning to the two who stood waiting in his former office.

“Ahhhhhhh.” He smiled happily, his blue eyes twinkling. “Ms. Granger and Severus. How good it is to see you both. How are you?”

“I'm lovely Headmaster.” Hermione smiled back. “Now we're just going to leave you two to chat.” She stared at Snape who glared back, scowling angrily at her.

“Severus, my boy.. It's so good to see you. Come have a seat.” The portrait's eyes followed the dark man as he moved behind the desk and settled himself in the Headmistresses chair. “How does it feel to be back in the old chair?”

“It was never my chair.” Snape said stiffly, staring down at his hands.

“No. I suppose it never was.” Dumbledore sighed sadly. “How have you been my boy. Minerva mentioned you've had troubles. It's not surprising.” The old man continued, when Snape remained silent. “I'm glad you're here son. There's been something I've wanted to discuss with you for sometime now.”

Snape lifted his head and stared at the portrait for the first time since entering the room.

“I find myself with a lot of time to think and reflect.” Dumbledore continued slowly. “Beside sleeping and visiting other paintings there isn't a lot left to do these days. I had no idea being a painting would be so dull.” He chuckled ruefully. “I have always been fond of you Severus. Although I didn't show it as much as I could have, I have always thought of you as my own son. I know that your childhood and your relationship with your parents was not a happy one. I had hoped you could find some happiness here, at Hogwarts. When you began consorting with the, shall we say darker elements, I dismissed it as simply your need for friendship and acceptance. I always believed your capacity for love would keep you from getting involved too deeply. By the time I realized my error, it was too late.” The old wizard sighed sadly, tears shimmering in his eyes. “Please forgive me Severus. Forgive me for everything I have done to you and all the ways I have failed you.”

“You want me to forgive you?” The dark haired Wizard muttered. “But I murdered you. I should be asking for your forgiveness.”

“You helped me Severus. You saved me the suffering and embarrassment of a lingering death. And.....” Dumbledore interrupted him when he started to argue. “And, I gave you no choice in the matter. Oh please Severus, please forgive me. I used you and I manipulated you. I saw in you your incredible capacity to love and I used it for my own purposes. Please tell me I haven't completely destroyed your ability to trust and to give your love to another?”

“I don't know.” He mumbled, his voice breaking “Lily........”

“Did not love you the way you wanted and deserved to be loved and that is sad, but it is not a tragedy. The true tragedy is that you have stopped yourself from finding love with another.”

“I tried, but you ordered me back. You made me come back and go back to him.”

“Because I needed you. The Wizarding world needed you. There was no one else I could count on to do the things that you did. Without you, we would have fallen to Lord Voldemort.”

“You used my love for Lily against me.”

“I did. Shamelessly, I might add.” The old Wizard hung his head. “And I cannot tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you. I am begging you to please forgive me, Severus. And perhaps if you can forgive me, you can forgive yourself.”

“How can I do that when your blood is on my hands and the blood of all those Muggles I..........” His voice broke with a sob and he buried his face in his hands.

“Their blood is not on your hands it is on mine.” Dumbledore's voice rose emotionally.

“It easy for you to say that, Albus.” Severus whispered, his voice tired and hoarse. “But I was the one who was there. And I am the one who cannot erase those images from my mind, no matter how hard I try.”

“But everything you did, you did on my orders.” The old man yelled. “Severus, please.” His voice softer now. “I am begging you. Please stop trying to destroy yourself. You are a hero. You are one of the bravest, most loyal men I know. Please let yourself be happy. You deserve it.”

“I am not sure that I even know how to do that. I'm not sure I ever knew how.” He sighed heavily. “Maybe if just once.......” His voice trailed away.

“'Just once' what, Severus?”

“Just once if I could know what it feels like to be truly loved.” He shook his head ruefully.

“And you can have that, son, if only you will let yourself.”

~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~

“So how was your chat with Professor Dumbledore?” Hermione asked after they had ordered their meals at the Leaky Cauldron. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Not particularly, but I suppose I must. He wanted to apologize to me.” He stared across the table and watched while Hermione fiddled with her napkin and her cutlery. “You don't look very surprised by that.”

“I'm not. He owed you an apology. Did you accept it?”

“I didn't say one way or another.”

“Do you accept it?”

“I don't know.” He spoke slowly, deep in thought. “I am not completely convinced I deserve an apology.”

“What?” She gasped, far louder then she intended. She glanced around embarrassed before continuing in a lower voice. “What do you mean you don't think you deserve an apology? He bloody well used you and when you didn't want to do it anymore, he used guilt and your sense of loyalty to manipulate you even further.”

“True. But it was my decision to join the Death Eaters in the first place. That was all me. No, hear me out before you interrupt.” He narrowed his eyes sternly at her. “I joined the Death Eaters. I willingly aligned myself with a madman. And I refuse to use the fact that I was young as an excuse. I regretted my decision almost immediately, but there is no one to blame for my actions but myself.”

“People shouldn't have to suffer and pay their whole life for a single mistake made in their youth. You were lonely and you wanted to be included in something.” She said, frowning.

“I suppose.” He sighed.

“So do you forgive him?” She asked again.

“I never really blamed him, so yes, I forgive him.”

“What about yourself? Can you forgive yourself?”

“Hmmm.” He said, taking a sip of Pumpkin juice. “That will be a bit more complicated.”

“Well, well, well. What do we have here? A cozy little luncheon?” They both turned their heads as Lucius Malfoy approached the table, his snake's head cane clutched loosely in his hand.

“What do you want Lucius?” Snape growled as the blonde wizard pulled back a chair and sat down.

“Want? Do I have to want something to join my oldest friend and his................?” He stared at Hermione sneering suggestively. “What is she to you again Severus?”

“I'm his counselor and you bloody well know it.” Hermione spit, disgust written across her face.

Raising his arm and signaling the waitress, Lucius chuckled. “That's right, counselor.” He said the word as if it were dirty. He turned his attention to his fellow Slytherin. “What are you drinking there, Severus? Pumpkin juice? Oh how the mighty have fallen. Thank you, dear.” He glanced up as the waitress set two glasses of fire whiskey on their table. “Here you are old friend, on me.” He nudged the glass across the table.

“No thank you.” Snape's hand shook as he picked up the glass and placed it back in front of the aristocrat.

“Oh come now. You can't let me drink alone.” Lucius slid the glass back across the table.

Hermione glanced from the glass to Severus' face. She watched as he struggled to battle his own personal demons. His hand trembled on the table and his tongue unconsciously snaked out to lick his lips. “I told you to leave him alone, Malfoy.” She hissed. “Severus?”

“I'm fine.” He growled, pushing the drink away from him.

“I never thought I'd see the day,” Lucius said, his voice low and sinister, “when the great and powerful Severus Snape would let a mudblood tell him what to do.”

“Don't call her that.” Snape hissed.

“Oh that's right.” His lips pursed in mock sorrow . “You fancy the little chit.”

“Leave us alone, Malfoy.” Hermione yelled, slamming her hand down on the table. “I'm warning you.”

“You? Warning me?” He raised an elegant eyebrow. “Isn't that rich. How are you feeling Severus? You look quite recovered from your little adventure at muggle Hospital. Do they still use leeches? I find it most interesting that no one at the Ministry seems to know about your little......mishap.”

“You didn't tell them anything?” Hermione gasped.

“Of course not, don't be stupid. I merely made a few discreet inquires.”

“What do you want, Lucius?” Severus growled, tearing his eyes away from the tempting amber liquid. “What do you want from me?”

“Why nothing dear friend.” Lucius said, lifting the glass and carefully placing it in front of him. “Just have a drink with me.”

“And I said I don't want it.” Snape roared tossing the drink in Lucius' face and standing up, knocking the table aside. Hermione cried out and covered her face as a flurry of black robes swarmed around her, there was a clattering sound as Lucius' cane dropped to the floor. Opening her eyes, she saw Severus, the taller of the two, holding Lucius' arm twisted up behind his back. The blonde Wizard's face reflected his physical pain. “Now Lucius,” Snape purred in his ear. “I want you to go away and leave me alone” Lucius opened his mouth as if to speak, a gasp of pain escape as Severus pulled up even harder on his twisted arm. “If you try to cause problems at the Ministry for either myself or Ms. Granger, I will happily provide them with some bits of information concerning you. I am more then aware that we both have damning information about the other. I however, have nothing left to lose. Can you say the same thing?” He released the older man and pushed him away. Lucius' face was dark with rage as he straightened his robes and retrieved his cane. Hermione watched as he stormed out the door.

“Are you alright Severus?” Her voice reflected her worry and her fear.

“Take me home.” Severus growled, smoothing down his own robes.

“But.....”
“Just take me home.” He roared.

Hermione's hands shook as she took his arm and they apparated to an alley near his home. She struggled to keep up with his long strides as he turned down the street and opened his front gate. “Severus.” She called after him as he unlocked the door and pushed it open.

“Just leave me alone.” He said, not turning to look her. She watched as he entered the house and closed the door with a loud bang.
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