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Embracing My Very Own Darkness	By : TheTVJunkie Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 44434 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Harry Potter' or anything related to it. There's no money made of my stories; all my works are written for entertainment purpose only!

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
Disclaimer: I own neither any of the characters below, nor the basic concept of 'Harry Potter' or anything related to it; everything belongs to their respective holders and I'm not making money from any of my writing. No infringement of any kind intended; this was solely dreamed up for entertainment purposes. ;)

As usual, lines in italics are Hermione's thoughts.

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm truly sorry it took me so incredibly long to post this final chapter of EMVOD! Real life has landed me many low blows and death of beloved ones as of late, keeping me away from writing, drawing etc. Wondrously, my fascination with a new fandom ('The Hobbit', mainly shipping 'Thrandolas') finally yanked me out of this annoying state of non-creativeness, for which I'm very grateful. However, this 'blessing' has sadly proven to cut both ways - It seems to have diminished my passion for the Snape/Hermione pairing in the process. :( Still, I hope that I gave this fic a proper and somewhat satisfying ending.
So, dear readers, thank you so much for patiently sticking with me so long on this bumpy road of debauchery! :)
A very big thanks goes to my ever faithful and patient beta 'WolfInTheShadows' for her excellent work in this fic. THANK YOU! :)))

An icy flurry of snow caused the shutter on Hermione's window to creak, giving an annoying sound as the young witch sat on the bed, sunken in on herself in her tiny room at Gryffindor Tower. She gazed sadly into space past her packed bags. Her work for Minerva was done, putting an end to her short return to the school she had considered her home for so many years and equally terminating her memorable week of kinky madness. Swallowing hard, Hermione stifled a sob at the thought of having to return to her pitiful life of solitude and boredom.
But then again there remained that one, entirely reckless idea that seemed to keep her from leaving for good just yet. It was so crazy it could almost be considered suicidal. Unyielding and obstinate, it had haunted her subconscious mind for days and despite stubborn self-berating on her part, the thought had been nagging on her so persistently that Hermione feared she was on the brink of madness, if she didn't give in eventually.
Jumping to her feet abruptly, she pouted at her reflection in the window then spoke grumpily out loud. "Oh well. At worst I'll be killed, so what the heck!?"

At least an early death would save me from becoming an old spinster... She thought to herself ironically, taking a deep breath for reassurance and headed down the spiral staircase towards the dungeons with determined steps.
***
"So eager to bid your farewell, Miss Granger?" Severus snarled mockingly when Hermione stumbled into his room, obviously not bothering to knock. Looking up from his steaming cup of tea he quirked an eyebrow at her quizzically; the use of her surname quickly making the witch realise her little blunder of protocol.
"Umm...sorry about that," She mumbled absent-mindedly, closing the creaking door behind her, hardly sensing the silent swirl of magic of the automated locking and silencing spell that kicked in whenever the witch entered Professor Snape's quarters. A little uneasy, Hermione silently strode over to where the professor sat nearby the fireplace.
"And no, actually I'm far from eager of leaving for good but since I have to I...." A nervous blush crept upon her cheeks but she managed for her voice not to falter. "I do have a final request."
Snape considered Hermione for a moment. "And what would that be?" He asked, leaning back in his comfy wingback chair as he gestured for her to have a seat. "I doubt there's any kind of perversion left that hasn't been thoroughly covered in the last couple of days." He concluded, a complacent smirk playing on his thin lips.

Hermione's blush deepened. "Welllll..." The witch drawled. "I wouldn't consider my plea a perversion, you know. After all, pretty much everybody has to face it once in a lifetime." She carefully tried to explain herself. "However...given the extraordinary circumstances, it's a bit...umm...delicate."
"Oh, by Merlin's blue balls, just spill it, woman!" Snape cut off Hermione's ominous ram-blings; the fragile porcelain cup making an alarming clinking sound as he put it down on the mahogany tea table petulantly. He was evidently rather short on patience today.
"Very well then." Hermione straightened her back, raising her chin in defiance. "I want you to take my virginity." She blurted.
After a long moment of confused silence, the dark wizard frowned at the increasingly nerv-ous young woman. "You. Are. BONKERS." He scoffed, a very annoyed tone to his voice.
"What in Circe's name gives you the idea that YOU. Are. A virgin???" Snape snorted disdain-fully as he rubbed his temples. "Even if it was not for your current one-week-trip of debase-ment, you once told me yourself that the dimwitted Weasley...popped your cherry."
Hermione was torn between being hurt and irritated as to why there was such animosity and uncharacteristic bluntness of in his words. Besides, the hapless matter of her defloration had proven to be a sore point, so she couldn't help it, as her rancour finally burst out.
"Yeah, not that he gave a shit about having that 'privilege'." The witch huffed, angrily willing down the hot tears that started welling up in her eyes. "Since I failed to bleed like some stabbed pig, that blithering idiot even accused me of cheating on him. Can you believe it!" Hermione continued shakily, suddenly realising that she had inadvertently spilled a very pri-vate piece of information.
Ron, like most pubescent boys, had very stereotypical expectations regarding his first time with a girl. Hence, when Hermione couldn't live up to the myth, neither leaving a bloody mess on the sheets nor provide him with an intact hymen he could happily tear through, the insensitive red-head had reacted like the utter dumbass he was - terribly, terribly wrong. Naturally, his accusations were both absurd and unfounded, Hermione had been far from unfaithful, but Ron didn't believe her protestation of innocence and so they had parted ways in an ugly dispute.
The smart witch figured that her lack of a maidenhead had probably been caused by daily exertions, which was not unusual as she had later learned . Activities like riding on broom-sticks. Stress. Her year in the woods, always on the run from Voldemort's minions. So, no need to feel guilty after all, right? Yet, like on many other occasions to follow, the bushy-haired girl had once again felt cheated out of one of life's fundamental experiences.
Inhaling sharply, the still trembling witch banished these particularly awful memories. "So," She concluded bitterly. "Pardon my attempt at erasing this godawful encounter from my memory and my pathetic wish for replacement."
Hermione had no desire to share further details on this with the professor, though.
"You made your bed, now sleep in it." Snape replied tersely after a moment of contempla-tion. He didn't mean to sound harsh, but failed. "Even if I would consider to accommodate your request, there is no spell known in all the Wizarding World that could," He flinched briefly which did not go unnoticed by Hermione. "Shall we say, reset you to the required 'mint state'. I'm afraid that renders your wish unfulfillable."
A small smile spread over Hermione's unnerved features. "No." She breathed triumphantly. "No spell..."
Having said that, she spun on her heel, heading for the adjacent storeroom. Severus nar-rowed his eyes at Hermione's odd reaction. What was she up to?
Only moments later, the witch returned. She blatantly strode over to where Snape sat, grasping his hand and firmly placing a little phial in his palm. Gazing him in the eye, Hermione exclaimed decisively. "Now then. There is a way."
The clock ticked away dreadfully long seconds, Hermione holding her breath as she waited for Severus to react. And react he did. Realisation must have struck him like lightning as he flung the fragile phial into the opposite chair as if burned. Hermione stumbled back a few steps when all of a sudden the dark wizard jumped to his feet, causing the chair to topple over in his wake. His dark, narrowed eyes glinted at her with unmistakable fury, yet he made no attempt at closing the distance Hermione had opened up. He just stood there, nostrils flaring as he kept staring at the frozen-in-place witch, a whole set of discomforting emotions written all over his face.
"How dare you?" Snape finally seethed. "You had no right..." He left the rest of the sentence hanging mid-air, obviously at loss for the right words.
Hermione swallowed hard; she knew it was a very dangerous path she was taking with this confrontation but her Gryffindor stubbornness forbid her a craven retreat.
"The oath gave me that right, Severus." The young woman said softly. "The oath you gave me for my protection. It included a paragraph that would allow me to freely ask questions and receive the truthful answer without having to fear repercussions, remember?"
Snape frowned, his voice now sharpened and underlined with desperate accusation. "And yet I strongly doubt you had any knowledge of this infernal brew before. So how could you inquire about it anyway?"
"Well...it played a conspicuous part in one of Lucius' revel memories which I viewed via the pensieve. In retrospect I'm not sure if he had shown me this specific bit on purpose or if it was a mere coincidence but it for sure piqued my interest... " She explained, then added a bit shamefacedly. "In a more twisted way than I cared to initially admit. Ever since I learned about its effect from Lucius however..." The witch trailed off for a moment, caught in the intense memory of the event. "This incredibly strong urge formed in me to have your formi-dable creation used on myself...and give us both closure to horrid experiences..."
...Having you realise that your invention can do good after all in re-writing my miserable first time, making it a memory worth remembering. With you in Ron's place.
But Hermione neither had chance to voice her thought nor end her sentence since she was cut off brusquely.
"Go, have Lucius use it on you then!" Severus spat nastily.
Snape's sudden tantrum startled the witch from her somewhat romantically twisted musings, causing her to reply impulsively as indignation burst out of her. "I don't want to have Lucius using it on me!"
"Oh, why not?" Severus rumbled sardonically, both hurt and anger dripping from every syl-lable. "I'm sure he'd be overjoyed!"
"Because I think I bloody love you!" Hermione blurted.
The moment the words had left her lips, all colour drained from the witch's face, her eyes going wide as the reality of her utterance hit her like a punch in the stomach. Firmly clutch-ing both her hands over her mouth in a useless attempt to revoke the Freudian slip that had just escaped her, Hermione panicked. Turning on her heel, she mumbled something unintel-ligible and darted for the door only to find it locked as it was always when she was in Snape's chambers. In her terror, the young woman headed for the next open door available which happened to be the adjacent bathroom. Locking herself in, she didn't dare to breathe as she slowly slid down the door in a sobbing mess on the tiled floor. Hot tears started spilling down her cheeks, causing her mascara to run and make her look even more grotesque. It wasn't before long until she found herself hovering near the toilet bowl, feeling absolutely nauseous.
By Merlin's sagging balls, what have I done???
She thought to herself while trying to keep her wayward hair from getting in touch with any part of the toilet bowl.
Meanwhile, outside of Hermione's makeshift shelter, stood an at least equally shocked Pro-fessor Snape. Though he had contained himself at the witch's surprising confession way bet-ter than she did, it had been a stunning revelation nonetheless.
Exhaling sharply, the professor righted his chair and slumped into it, reluctantly reaching for the diabolic little bottle that had caused this stupid riot in the first place. Rolling the phial between his elegant fingers thoughtfully, it almost seemed to mock him as the flask glinted in beautiful shades of orange and amber in the soothing flicker of the fireplace flames.
Circe, he had hoped for never having to deal with this part of his past again. And yet she had to bring it up. Even trying to make him use this dreadful potion on her, the sick little wench.
Carefully, Snape set the phial down on the small table in front of him, tapping his fingertips together in deep thought. Now what was that she had said about her ruined first time? Severus realised that he had been so upset that he hadn't thoroughly listened. Had she been trying to explain her plea? Was it possible that she did have other motives besides sheer guilty and utterly twisted pleasure? Truth slowly dawned on him as he connected the dots one by one, understanding that she had obviously not been spurred on by pure selfishness but that she had been pondering his dilemma as well?
Give us both closure to horrid experiences. Her words rang in his ears as he recalled her earlier utterance. In retrospect, he scolded himself for cutting her off so brusquely.
But what about her declaration of love? On the one hand, this was utterly ridiculous. No one would love him. Ever. Period. Why mock him so cruelly? On the other hand, she seemed even more shocked than he when the words had slipped past her lips and, if the constant sobbing and whining that came from his bathroom were any indication, Hermione's demons of the past were tormenting her at least as much as they tormented him, even if differently. From what the young woman had told him earlier, her love life had been a disaster from A to Z, so now she probably assumed that she was about to deal with yet another major rejection and she would rather take back everything back she had said.
So, what to tell her? What about her request?
Severus felt his heart warm a bit at the thought of somebody truly loving him yet he was not sure if he could fully return the feeling. Many things suddenly seemed to have been left un-said, so he eventually decided to pour two cups of Firewhiskey and try to get Hermione out of that darn bathroom.
He strode over to the locked door, knocking. The sobbing that had emitted from within the room suddenly came to a halt. For long seconds there was nothing but silence until Snape heard Hermione's croaky voice.
"What do you want?" She asked, her tone clearly affected from the thorough tear-shedding yet bearing a tinge of anger. "Let me go and you will never be bothered by my presence again. Just spare me the shame of facing you."
"No." Severus stated flatly.
"What?" Came the irritated reply from the other side of the door.
"Oh, I will let you go if that's what you wish," Snape asserted. "Given that you come out here so we can talk about what has just happened."
Uncontrollable sobbing.
"Hermione, you can't drop such a bombshell and then expect me to let you run away just because it is convenient for you to do so." He tried to reason with her. "Act like the adult you are, girl!"
More sobbing.
"Please." Snape tried again, his voice now decidedly softer than before. "I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're afraid of. Just come out and we can talk this out."
Less sobbing.
"Aren't you at least a little bit curious about what I think about all this?" He cooed.
Hermione's hysterical, tormented sounds slowly declined and eventually the bathroom door clicked open. Severus backed away a bit so Hermione could step into his study without him intimidatingly hovering over her small frame.
"You're right, that was not entirely fair of me." The witch grudgingly admitted, wiping away remnants of her ruined mascara. "I overreacted. It's just..."
Still a little shaking, she followed the dark wizard to the sitting area in front of the fireplace, gratefully accepting the cup of Firewhiskey he handed her and draining half of it at once. Averting her eyes and fixing them on the liquid courage her cup held, Hermione sat down, shoulders slumping in defeat and shame. "I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean to say...it was so foolish to say..." She visibly struggled for the right phrase, desperately trying not repeat the exact words.
"It was wrong to say I loved you." She finally managed. "How would I know what love is in the first place?" The young woman added bitterly. "No man ever truly loved me so I'm afraid I buried this crushed hope so deeply in my unconscious mind that it simply...burst to the sur-face when you showed me...at least a wee bit of affection." Again, she uneasily struggled for words. "My stupid wishful thinking made an utter fool of me and I do apologise in due form." Hermione hung her head, waiting for Snape's derisive scolding that never came.
Instead, he replied calmly. "I don't blame you. Admittedly, your confession clearly caught me off-guard yet our hearts often voice their desires without our consent it seems." The young witch looked up at her former professor, surprised. "Much as yourself I carried my hopes for true love to the grave a long time ago, so pardon my frankness when I say that I can't return your feelings or anyone's feelings at that, regardless of their truth, towards my person."
Hermione slightly winced at his words but eventually nodded when she had fully processed their meaning. "I see." It was just now that she realised that Lily Evans must have, love-wise, rendered Snape equally damaged goods as Hermione claimed herself to be. "So...is this the end?" Hermione asked dejectedly.
Downing the remnants of his Firewhiskey, Snape turned in his seat to face Hermione fully. "Yes and no." Her replied mysteriously.
Hermione blinked. "I don't understand?"
"I won't be here much longer. This has been my last year of teaching those insufferable dun-derheads. I'm retiring, Hermione."
"You're leaving Hogwarts?" The witch breathed, disbelief plastered all across her face when the myriad of grey and white strands that streaked her former professor's raven hair caught her eye. They had already attracted her attention when she first met him a week ago but now that the flickering light of the hearth illuminated and danced over them, they stood out more prominent than before. It was evident that Hogwarts had taken its toll on the grumpy wizard, both emotionally and physically, so it was hardly surprising that he ultimately wanted out of this. "Where will you be going?" She asked sadly.
A small smile tugged on Severus' lips. "I will be moving in with Lucius. He kindly leaves the bigger part of the West Wing to me, potions laboratory included."
"Oh." That was all Hermione could manage to say.
"Yes," Snape continued. "It will make...certain things easier." He referred to the secret rela-tionship he shared with the blond for decades. "Furthermore, I'm looking forward to be spending my retirement both in familiar surroundings and distinguished company. Also..." He drawled, tilting his head. "To deliver Lucius' message to you, there might even be room for one more."
Hermione's eyes widened. "You mean...?"
An amused expression ghosted over Severus' features as the witch's jaw dropped. "Well, we had a little talk, Lucius and I, and we agreed on rather...keeping you around permanently since last week has proven to be so satisfactory for all participants." He raised a brow before smugly adding. "Providing that this agreement would be in your interest, of course."
"I...I can't believe it." The witch stuttered, gobsmacked. "You'd really want me around all the time? In your home?" She then added a little naively. "But I could never afford the rent for a room at Malfoy Manor."
Severus chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh, there's no need to worry about that; I'm sure Lucius will gladly offer you an alternative way to repay him."
Hermione couldn't suppress a giggle, her mind reeling with the wide range of possibilities those news held. "But still," The witch reasoned. "I can't move in with the two of you just like that! What would people say? I mean, how am I to explain my whereabouts? And my job..."
"As for what people would say you couldn't care less but I see your point." Severus inter-rupted the young woman's ramblings since they were getting a bit out of hand. "Hence, Lucius suggested that you could formally take up a job as librarian which would easily justify you living at Malfoy Manor for many years. The Malfoy library is vast, you know."
Hermione frowned. "Only formally? Don't get me wrong, I look forward to being chased around the premises but I doubt that, with all due respect to your stamina, this would take 24/7. I need something to do besides that."
"Fair enough." The dark wizard agreed. "I'm sure Lucius wouldn't mind having his library catalogued for real. Apart from that, you could help me in the potions lab, if you like?"
Hermione nodded happily, with those terms she could live and still keep up appearances.
After a few moments of pondering, another realisation hit her. "Oh, I presume Narcissa wouldn't approve of my presence at all, now would she?" Hermione trusted that Malfoy had easily managed to have the manor all to himself for last week but with Hermione perma-nently residing under his wife's nose things might get complicated, to say the least. Plus, it would give Hermione a feeling of being labelled as clandestine concubine; a thought that didn't thrill her at all.
"Don't worry about that." Severus appeased her. "The former lady of the house no longer lives there. The two of you won't be bumping into each other at any time. And neither is Draco since he's moved in with Astoria at the Greengrass' estate. Be assured that we have free reign over all facilities." He smirked. "No one will come to your rescue."
"I think I'll take my chances." A genuine smile spread over Hermione's face and probably for the first time this day she started to relax, curling her legs under her as she was finally run-ning out of questions. Neither witch nor wizard spoke for a significant length of time, simply contentedly staring into the sizzling flames and listening to the crackling of smouldering logs.
Life finally seemed to offer a glimpse of a meaning.
The End.

A/N: So, a happy ending after all.^^ I'm sorry for the lack of smut in this chapter; I've tried again and again but my attempts at fluffy, lovey-dovey smut were lousy at best. (-_-;) Sick and twisted have proven to be more down my alley as you may have noticed. *ahem*
So, I'm afraid this part of the story will be left to your imagination but the least I can do is a give you a bit of a summary of how I imagined the sappy final sex bits: Snape abides by his promise and takes Hermione's virginity after she took the 'Virgo Aeternalis'. As implied in former chapters, her magically created defloration has probably hurt like hell under the in-fluence of the brew but was still rewarding for both parties since the Professor was able earned his forgiveness by gently making it a memorable first time for the witch, helping her to forget the traumatising Weasley debacle. Later on, I like to think that our heroine lives happily ever after in a love triangle with Snape and Malfoy at the Manor. :)
Oh, and Severus might have kept a teeny-tiny drop or two of his devious virgin potion...but psssst, don't tell Lucius! (^_-)
- 16
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Embracing My Very Own Darkness