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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11694 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Over time, Snape accepts the status quo between them a bit more easily. After all, life hasn’t exactly led him to believe that he deserves to have anyone return his love; and while what he has with Evie is still less than he really wants, still it’s also a lot more than he’s ever had in his life up to this point as well. There are times that it is very difficult for him all the same, especially when he has her literally within the curve of his arm, but she is still basically completely out of reach; but he’s come to accept it as the best life is ever likely to give him.
And then one night, he wakes in complete shock to find she is holding tightly to him and moaning…running her hands all over his body at first and then stroking him through his shorts, clearly in the grip of a very erotic dream. She had aroused him fully even before he was completely awake, and for a moment he considers letting her continue; but he assumes she’s dreaming about Sirius, and decides that it wouldn’t be right. She’s just about to slip her hand into his shorts when he grabs her wrist and wakes her.
She is more than a little embarrassed, realizing what she's done (as well as seeing the evidence of the effect it had on him); and in an attempt to lighten up the awkwardness a bit, he half-grins and admits that while he probably would have enjoyed letting it continue very much, it wouldn’t be right to take advantage of something meant for another man.
The fact that he can gently tease her about it (rather than be snide or cold about it) shows her just how far he’s come in the time they’ve spent together; just how much his defensive walls have fallen, with her. She doesn’t tell him that it actually wasn’t Sirius she was dreaming about; she’s confused, extremely embarrassed, and even feeling more than a little guilty that she was in fact dreaming about…him. She’s ashamed to admit that part of her actually wants to continue now that they’re awake, since he’s clearly as aroused as she is.
That next day she examines her feelings critically; wondering how they managed to sneak up on her this way, and how she can be so untrue to Sirius’s memory like this. After all, Snape was someone he despised; she can’t imagine that he’d have been anything less than furious at the thought of Snape winning her affections or sharing her bed – not even as innocently as they have up to this point, and definitely not the way she was dreaming of. Snape wouldn’t have the same issue in relation to his first love; in fact she feels that her mother would recognize and approve of the changes in him, and would approve of them being together.
But she can’t deny that she had begun to find him much more attractive as he’d opened up to her though, his vulnerability making him so much more human. And after he had shown her the depth of his loyalty to and love for her mother, she must admit that also was very desirable – she’s already wondered if she’d have been capable of that in a similar situation, and now also wonders if Sirius would have been – whether he’d still have loved her just as much now, even knowing that she was forming such a strong attachment to his deepest rival.
She doesn’t really think he would have – there was always a sort of immaturity about Sirius, like he’d never fully grown up, even after becoming a father. But even more than that…she’d wondered what making love with someone who is capable of that level of emotional depth (that she’s not sure Sirius ever had or would have, and that she also never would have guessed that Snape possessed, before now) would be like. If he could still hold that much love and tenderness towards someone who didn’t want him – how much more might it be, with someone who did?
**********
For his part, he is similarly distracted during the following day; still feeling her hands on him. She wasn’t wrong about his past sexual experiences; while he’s had several, they’ve all been meaningless, purely physical. He initially lost his virginity at some drunken Slytherin party after Lily had cut all ties with him; he doesn’t even remember the girl’s name, and doubts she even remembered having been with him by the following morning.
Various female Death Eaters had approached him after raids as well; their bloodlust still running high and looking for an outlet, nothing more (though thankfully, never Bellatrix; she was already married to Rodolphus when he joined the Death Eaters himself, and after Lily's death and her escape from Azkaban, his double-agent position meant that he was rarely expected to participate in raids, and also gave him a very plausible excuse not to remain around to celebrate after one). He might as well have been an animated golem for all the attention any of them ever paid to anything except his body though, in the heat of the moment.
And, he’s occasionally indulged in prostitutes; only with them did he ever fantasize that he was with Lily, but of course it was never truly satisfying. Even if he kept his eyes closed and the woman remained silent (so as not to intrude into his fantasy), he still felt unsatisfied; each time vowing that he’d never do it again, and holding to that for long periods until desperation would drive him to try again.
But Evie – for all that her touch while in the grip of the dream had been every bit as intentionally erotic as a courtesan’s would be, still – there was something different about it too, something he’s never had. Something about her touch…as he starts thinking about it, trying to isolate what was different, he becomes very aroused (not for the first time that day, either) and this time, he can’t seem to distract himself away from it. He decides he’ll go to his potion storeroom – nobody ever disturbs him there, and there aren’t any portraits to watch over him there, either.
He’s glad for his sweeping black robes as he walks – he wasn’t just bragging to Evie when he said he likely was better-endowed than Sirius. Not that his level of endowment is actually anything he typically does brag about or ever did anyway, but given the size of the bulge that still won’t subside as he’s walking to the storeroom, he’s definitely glad he has a ready means of hiding it that would be completely unremarkable to anyone he might meet along the way.
He closes the door quickly once inside the storeroom, and then locks it and puts his back against it for good measure. Finally he can unbutton his pants and let his throbbing erection free. He closes his eyes and imagines if he’d let Evie continue rather than waking her – not that he wouldn’t like to imagine her doing those things fully conscious, just that even in his own fantasy, he can’t quite imagine her doing anything like that (with him, anyway) while awake.
He tries to touch himself the way she did, recalling as well as he can the tactile memory of her hands, as he slowly strokes himself to a mind-blowing orgasm. Spent and gasping, as he returns to normal he wonders how he’s going to sleep with her, now, without being constantly hard; which the shorts he always sleeps in certainly won’t hide like his robes can. He’s had to distract himself while sleeping with her a few times before now as well, but it was a lot easier when he had no particular frame of reference for her own sexuality.
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)