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The Long Road	By : SinisterMe Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 63598 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 18
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
- 16
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Snape was jarred awake, feeling like someone had just punched him in the gut. The room was dark and Remus was thrashing about wildly, presumably still asleep. The blasted werewolf must have thrown him an elbow to the stomach while he was sleeping.
“Lupin!” he said sharply, partly out of surprise.
Remus drew back, bringing his arms up over his face and his knees up to protect his stomach, he gave no other reply.
“Remus,” Severus tried. “Are you awake right now?”
Again, no response was forthcoming. In the dim light Severus saw him huddled there, his body shaking. Who knew what he had been dreaming; what he was dreaming still? Snape laid his head back on the pillow. One night of uninterrupted sleep; just one, was all he was asking for.
He leant over and laid one hand lightly on Lupin’s arm; the man’s muscles tightened and his breathing slowed but he didn’t try to cringe away from the contact. Severus moved his hand slowly, stroking Remus’ arm.
“No,” Lupin groaned. “Please no, master; not tonight.”
“No Remus, not tonight,” Snape agreed softly into his ear. “You’re safe; no one is going to hurt you here.”
Remus made a small sound of sadness. Severus wondered if he was even getting through to the other man. He continued to sooth Lupin, paying heed to how he gradually unfurled himself from the tight position he’d been holding. His legs leisurely extended, his arms relaxed away from their protective stance around his head.
“You’re safe, Remus,” he assured again, hating himself as he did so. If he had only been able to do the job Albus had trusted him to do, maybe none of this would ever have happened. His failures to glean and transfer information had cost other people so much. So many things could have been different…
Remus didn’t seem to have those same hang ups. He shifted nearer to Snape, seeming to seek out more of the comfort he had been offering. Severus was relieved that the situation was in hand without Remus waking up. Both of them needed any and all of the sleep they were going to get tonight. He lightly enfolded Lupin in his arms, sliding one under his neck and one over his side, pulling them closer together so that the other man could feel his deep and even breathing, hoping it would help to calm him.
Somehow, after some minutes, this seemed to make Remus settle in even more. He made a sound somewhere between a yawn and a sigh, his hand coming to rest partially on top of Severus’. Snape took little time in joining Lupin in sleep; tomorrow would be a long day.
Severus woke leisurely this time; muted light passed through the curtain across the window. He was warm, entwined snugly in the blankets of his bed; but also with something more solid. He opened his eyes blearily, blinking against the brightness. He was met with a pair of nervous honey brown ones a short distance from his face.
He came to his senses quickly. Remus and he were facing each other, their limbs tangled together. It was a rather intimate position; they must have shifted together while they’d slept.
“Good morning, Remus,” Snape said groggily.
“Good morning, sir. I’d have given you some space but I didn’t want to wake you.”
Lupin sounded uneasy, like he had expected his welcome to be long worn out by this time. He also looked good, more awake and alert that Severus himself was feeling; that alone was a testament to his improvement, when he’d first arrived here he’d looked like death warmed over; no offence to death.
“Don’t worry about it,” Severus said, rolling onto his back and stretching, pulling himself carefully apart from Remus. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, sir. I didn’t wake up once; I actually feel quite a bit better today.” Remus sounded rather surprised about it.
Snape pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Good.” He felt like he could sleep for another week; but there were things to do. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He sat there for a minute, half stunned, before standing and lifting his arms high above his head, stretching his back.
He turned to say something to Lupin and found the man staring at him slack jawed. Severus thought belatedly that perhaps he should have worn a loose shirt to bed. He knew his appearance could be disconcerting in the daylight, to say the least. He’d been told as much, and much more over the course of his life.
Severus almost wanted to shrug; there was nothing he could do about it. He’d been amassing these marks since he was a young boy and for decades after. He’d never cared to try getting rid of them; yes, they were ugly, but then again so was he. Snape almost felt that they suited him, in a way. An outward reflection of his soul, a warning to anyone who would see them that it was shredded, maybe not even there. To him they were a reminder; he had survived it all. He’d beaten every one of them, as most anyone who had ever given him one of these marks was dead; and he was not.
“See? You have nothing to worry about,” Snape said sarcastically. “Your scars won’t even be half this bad.”
Remus mouth clicked shut. He’d really just been admiring the long lines of Severus body; a little surprised to find him in such good physical condition. Under his usual voluminous robes it was almost impossible to guess at his physique. He was lean, but appeared quite strong. Wiry? Was that the word he was looking for? It didn’t matter because he’d been caught peeking.
“You wear them well, sir,” Remus said timidly.
Severus gave a ‘harrumph” and began gathering his clothing, dressing swiftly. The sooner he could be down in the lab, the better. He took his wand off of the nightstand, quickly casting the bowel cleansing spell on Lupin, pointedly ignoring the way he flinched when the wand was pointed at him.
“Thank you, sir,” Remus said.
Snape seemed not to hear him. “I’m going to apply the salve before breakfast today. We’ll do that now and then get you into a fresh change of clothes.” He went around to the other side of the bed, giving Remus a dose of analgesic. Levitating Lupin he cleansed his own hands before he removed the bandages and covered the burns on Remus’ torso in salve.
When Remus was rewrapped and lying back on the bed, Snape said, “I am confident that by tomorrow we will be able to take the bandages off of your torso for the last time. This potion and your own incredibly fast metabolism have exceeded all of my expectations.”
“That’s good to hear, sir,” Remus said.
Snape moved to the end of the bed, giving the same careful ministrations to Remus’ feet. Even they were healing a little, he would know more in a couple of days; he only hoped it would be enough.
He levitated Remus into the chair, leading him across the hall and into his room. Going over to the small wardrobe in the corner, Severus extracted a clean button up shirt, another pair of loose pants and a fresh set of underwear. Getting Remus into them was less of a challenge than it had been. He was able to help maneuver himself into the clothes this time, which helped things considerably. Snape allowed him as much modesty as possible while helping him into both sets of bottoms; it wouldn’t be long and Lupin would be able to do all of this for himself.
Settling Remus back into the chair, he floated him out into the hall, setting him down in the middle of it momentarily, pausing to peek into Teddy’s room. As he had figured, the boy was up already; hopefully he and Fred would still be down in the kitchen.
“Where are we going, sir?” Remus asked uneasily.
“Down for breakfast,” Snape answered.
He didn’t see it, but in front of him Remus smiled. He was glad to be out of bed, even for a short time. When Macnair had owned him, he had spent what felt like months at a time waiting either in his master’s room or the small closet he had graciously been given. The novelty of being allowed outside the other day had woken something in him again, the knowledge that the world was vast and miraculous, even if that wasn’t true of the piece of it allowed to him; but it was out there, that was all that mattered.
Snape walked them into the kitchen, finding Fred flipping pancakes and Teddy sitting at the table, swinging his legs and drinking a large glass of water. The boy made a face of pleased surprise when he saw his father being levitated through the door.
“’Morning!” Teddy said excitedly.
“Good morning, Teddy,” Remus said; as if it was the most natural thing in the world to come downstairs and greet his son at the kitchen table. Severus sat Lupin’s chair down at said table, pulling out one of the regular chairs and setting it aside.
“Coffee?” Fred asked, extending the pot in their general direction.
Remus looked down at his hands. Surely Severus wasn’t going to go so far as to eat at the same table as them? Macnair would have had a heart attack years ago if someone had proposed that.
“Yes, thank you Fred,” Snape said, taking the seat across from Teddy. “I believe Lupin takes cream and sugar in his.”
“Of course! Finally Fred gets to bring out some of Madam Prince’s fine china.” He glared petulantly at Severus. “Sir here usually prefers a mug, black.”
“I am polite when there’s company,” Severus defended himself halfheartedly.
“I could take a mug, I don’t need sugar; it’s no trouble,” Remus said softly.
“Nonsense,” Fred said lightly. “Since sir is so polite when we is having company, he can be helping you with your coffee.” He set out a cup for Remus, filling it with the dark beverage. He went back to the cupboard, bringing out a gleaming porcelain sugar basin with lid as well as a small matching pitcher for cream which he filled from the ice box. He set these in front of Remus, walking back over to the over and flipping the pancakes in the frying pan.
Without further instruction Severus served Remus two scoops of sugar and a measure of cream, stirring the mixture and tapping the spoon three times on the rim and placing the spoon beside the cup.
“Thank you, sir. That’s exactly how I take my coffee.” Remus was impressed. “Tea and coffee; I only sat next to you for part of a year.”
“Like I said; small details were imperative to my existence during my time at Hogwarts. I’m sure I could prepare coffee for the entire head table, if I were put up to it.”
“He is meaning that you is being welcome,” Fred said without looking back.
“I don’t know that I need an interpreter, but thank you for your efforts.” Severus sounded only a little irritated.
“’Not needing an interpreter,’ he says,” the elf shook his head, chuckling like the notion was insane, his back still facing all of them. He was stacking pancakes tall on a plate; the table was already set with jams and syrups. Fred brought over the pancakes, returning to the oven and bringing out a two glass dishes of steaming food, one of scrambled eggs and cheese and one of bacon that were being kept warm there. All of these things were set on the table between them all.
“Dig in!” Fred proclaimed.
Teddy dished himself for the most part, his dragon perched on his lap; Severus helped him only with the eggs and the pouring of syrup over his pancakes. He then dished Lupin’s plate and his own.
“How do I eat this?” Teddy asked, stabbing his pancake with his fork and trying to pick it off his plate in one piece.
Severus took his fork in hand. “These are soft enough that you don’t need a knife.” He turned his fork sideways and demonstrated on his own plate, cutting the pancake up into manageable pieces. “Just press down with a small rocking motion until you have a piece that is small enough to handle.”
Teddy took his time, attempting what he had been shown. He was doing a pretty good job of it too, cutting off his first pieces and putting it into his mouth, grinning around the taste of maple and butter.
Remus watched him take his first couple of bites before starting slowly into his own plate. He couldn’t believe this; all three of them sitting at a kitchen table, eating a delicious breakfast. The same table, the same food. He took a sip of his coffee, which had cooled enough for him to drink it, nearly moaning in appreciation. Amazing.
Severus ate in silence, draining his coffee and standing to fill it again before he was even halfway done his food. He set a glass of orange juice in front of Teddy as he took his seat again.
“This is a fantastic breakfast, thank you very much,” Remus said. Whether it was to Snape or to Fred, he wasn’t sure.
“Yeah,” Teddy agreed. “I like pancakes!”
Fred, who was running a sink for dishes, smiled. “Fred is being glad to hear it!”
Snape gathered the dishes and set them next to the running sink. He returned to his seat, taking his coffee in both hands.
“What are we going to do today, sir?” Teddy asked happily. Remus almost choked on his coffee.
“You will be spending most of the day with your father and Fred. I have to go back into the lab to brew a potion for your father.”
“It’s another one you have to make by yourself?” Teddy asked, leaning forward over the table.
“Sit up straight, Teddy,” Remus said. “Elbows off the table.”
“Sorry, dad.” Teddy did as he was told.
Snape was intrigued; Lupin was teaching Teddy some proper table etiquette. Perhaps he thought the boy would be scolded for it? Or maybe it was just something he thought a father should impart to his son.He realized Teddy was still looking at him expectantly.
“Yes; I will need to be by myself in the lab. It isn’t safe for either of you to be down there with me this time. Perhaps if Fred has some work to do outside, he will take both of you with him. Provided no one over does it.” Severus looked at Remus out of the corner of his eye to gauge his reaction to that.
“Cool,” Teddy said. “Maybe you can see the pond, daddy.”
Remus smiled. “Yes, maybe.” He looked at Severus. “Will you be in the lab long, sir?”
“Most of the day; I have some other things to take care of down there as well so I more than likely won’t be upstairs for quite a few hours. I will be brewing for a portion of the night, once everything gets going.”
“What potion are you making that is so dangerous?” Teddy asked.
“It is called the Wolfsbane potion,” Severus said.
“What does it do, sir?”
“Well, it’s rather complicated really. It is a potion to help with a werewolf’s transformation. I am currently brewing one for your father.” Snape wasn’t sure how Teddy would take this information; glancing over at Remus to see that he wore the same look of unease.
Teddy looked uncertain. “Does that mean you brewed one for me too?”
“Yes, I did brew one for you.”
“Oh; will it hurt very much, sir?” the boy inquired carefully.
“No Teddy, the potion itself will not cause you any harm. However, the transformation will still not be completely painless, I am sorry to say. Even though this potion should help a bit.”
“It will make it easier?” Teddy sounded hopeful.
“In a way, yes. We will wait and see how it affects you personally. You will have an easier time, one way or another; I will make sure of it.”
Remus caught the steely glint in Severus’ eye as he said that. Not for the first time since he’d met him, he wished that Snape came with an instruction manual; at the very least a dictionary of facial expressions.
“Okay,” Teddy said uneasily. “On the full moon, where will my father be?”
“He will be with you; you will both be very safe,” Severus cleared his throat. Discussing Teddy’s transformation with him made him feel uncomfortably close to a time in his life he’d rather not think about. “I will be there with you as well.”
“You?” Teddy asked, his mouth dropping open a little. “But why, sir?”
“The potion I am going to give you may have side effects; I need to be sure that everything goes as it is supposed to. Measures have been taken for my protection. Everything will be fine.”
“So I won’t have to change alone?” Teddy asked, looking down at the dragon in his hands.
“No, absolutely not,” Severus said intently. “While your father and I are still here and while our current situation stays the same, someone will always be with you, if you want them to be.”
“Okay,” Teddy smiled and looked up at Snape.
Remus took a sip of his coffee. He couldn’t believe how easily his son trusted Severus; it seemed like all the man had to do was to look at Teddy and say something and the boy accepted it. He wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or not; though it would keep the boy out of any accidental agreements with Snape, at least theoretically.
“I bet Fred can find some substitute pieces for that old checker board; maybe you can take that along outside and you and your father can have a couple of games,” Severus offered before draining his second mug of coffee.
“That would be wonderful, sir,” Remus said, hoping none of his actual thoughts were apparent on his face.
Fred, who had been washing dishes, said. “Fred would be happy to be doing that sir. We will all be having fun today, won’t we, little one?”
“I hope so,” Teddy said, looking over at Remus with a tenuous smile.
“I’d best go get started. I’ll see you all later this evening. If Lupin needs something to help manage his pain, it will be the shorter of the two vials up on my nightstand. One swallow should suffice at this point,” Severus said to Fred. He stood and opened the door to the lab.
“Fred will be managing, sir,” the elf said with a roll of his eyes.
“Bye, sir; have fun!” Teddy said.
Snape gave a huff of laughter. “I’m sure I will, thank you.” Then he descended the stairs.
Down in the lab Severus began the prep work for the wolfsbane potion all over again. The work was long and tedious, finally leading up to a bubbling cauldron. He added the first batch of ingredients, setting the flame properly.
The original recipe had a shorter initial brew than the potion he had made for Teddy. The alteration of the ingredients from the original recipe changed the reaction time; it needed a higher heat for a longer duration. This mixture would only need four hours before the other ingredients could start to be added, unlike the altered version, which needed six. He could also add the ingredients in shorter intervals. All in all he figured he would be done the first phase around the time that Teddy went to bed.
Severus now had a few hours to himself, which was just what he needed. He paused to take another dose of the potion that would prevent his body from having an erection. He would hold the bonding off as long as he could to give Lupin some time.
The spell that would be needed for Remus’ bonding was more encompassing than the one that he had selected for Teddy. Within this single spell, there were many possible outcomes that could be reached, each with its own set of symbols, actions and words. These would all have to be chosen carefully, their meanings and aftermaths would need to be researched.
Teddy and Remus could spend the day together while he was doing this. Fred would keep them entertained and fed. If anything serious happened, the elf knew to come get him immediately. That gave him nearly all day to do nothing but brew and research the bond; if he was fortunate, tomorrow would be much of the same. Though he had already made progress on unravelling some of what he was supposed to do, much more planning was still needed.
He set a couple of large tomes out on the table on the other side of the room from the brewing stations and opened them to the appropriate pages. Getting out his parchment and quill, he sat on the bench and got immediately to work; there was no time to waste.
It felt like mere minutes had past when the alarm on his wand was going off. Severus looked at the clock in disbelief; it definitely hadn’t seemed like four hours. He sat up straight, his lower back twinging sharply; Snape ignored it, going over to the brewing station instantly. He carefully added the next batch of ingredients, adjusting the flame and stirring the appropriate number of times. He’d brewed the original recipe so many times over the years that it was almost second nature, as long as he paid attention to the timing.
Severus prepared the next group of ingredients, cleaning his work station as he went. If one wasn’t neat, that was when things got complicated, especially with a potion of this level.
He stretched for a couple of minutes; he couldn’t sit in one place like that as easily as he used to, he stiffened up in no time. Especially since he hadn’t been out in the garden for the past couple of days; he’d have to be careful or one day he would be out of shape.
Finally he sat back in front of his books. Flipping quickly through his notes, Severus found he had amassed another three pages of pertinent data. When he was through these books he would have exhausted all of the available data on the spell. He would then begin to review, to select the course the bonding between him and Remus would take.
Severus had already decided several things. Some of the symbolism would have to be the same, as it was required in the base of the spell; Remus would still need to be blindfolded, his hands tied. This would symbolize his submission; among other things. He would not be able to know what the bonding would entail; Severus was hoping that by the time they would perform the ceremony, Lupin would trust him, at least a little. That alone could work wonders within the magic.
There would be no escaping the act of penetration. It was called for in every possible path they could take. That would be the ultimate symbol of his control over Lupin. Severus also had reason to believe that he personally would need to come to completion twice during the ceremony. It said nothing to encourage or disallow Remus from experiencing the same physical pleasure during the invocation, so Snape inferred that that would be left up to the dominant wizard’s discretion.
There would be a meal beforehand, a basic ritual bath afterwards. These were some of the things Macnair had neglected. It may be possible that Remus would have to be bound through the entire process and on into the morning, he was almost certain of it based off of what he had already read. Remus would sleep that night in his bed, as he would not send him to sleep somewhere he would not be sleeping himself; both because of the intimacies they would be sharing as well as for the sake of the symbolism.
He was trying not to draw too many conclusions before he was through all of the material; this last book actually contained passages written by people who had lived most of their lives under similar bonds. These could be extremely useful, as they would outline the type of bond that was formed and what actions were taken to achieve that end result. Their testimonies and experiences may be among some of the more important information available; he was saving them for last.
Severus pulled out a fresh piece of parchment, dipped his quill in the inkpot and continued onward. All he could do was to find, assimilate and understand as much information as he possibly could in the time he’d been given. He would do his best; not for the first or the last time he wished Albus was here to point him in the right direction. He took up reading where he had left off; these answers wouldn’t be finding themselves.
By the time Severus was completely done and heading up the stairs to the kitchen it was well after midnight. After completing the first stage of the potion and cleaning his work station and equipment, he had set out everything he would need for the next phase. He’d finished the last couple of pages he’d been reading and called it a night.
In the kitchen, he found a sandwich set out on the counter for him; definitely Fred’s handiwork. The elf hated when he stayed in the lab all day, specifically if he didn’t come up to eat. He sat at the table and ate the meal that had been left out for him, knowing he’d catch it later if he didn’t. As he was putting his plate in the sink and stopping to have a glass of water, Fred rounded the corner.
“Ah good, you is being done,” Fred said.
“Yes I am, for now. What’s the matter?” Snape asked, taking in the elf’s posture and the way he had his hands resting on his small hips.
“Teddy is being in bed hours ago.”
Severus failed to see the problem. “Good, Fred; thank you for that. And Lupin?”
“He is not wanting to go to bed. He is being asleep in the chair.” The elf sounded quite perturbed.
Yes, that would be the sort of thing that would upset Fred. “Why not?”
“He is not wanting you to be angry if he is sleeping in the wrong place. Fred was telling him that you is not giving a Hippogriff’s bottom where he is laying down, as long as he is being resting. He would not be listening to Fred though, no.” The elf was tapping his toe, looking up at Snape like this was somehow all his fault and he had better damn well fix it right now. It was a look he remembered well from when he was a young man.
“I’ll go deal with Lupin. You should get some rest yourself; I’ll likely need your help again tomorrow.”
“Fred is always being happy to help; sir is already knowing that.”
Snape grimaced. “Yes, I know it all too well. You have a good night, Fred; I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You is having a good night too, sir. You is having fun dealing with Mr. Lupin up there; Fred is thinking he is being almost as stubborn as you, Merlin be helping us all!” Fred walked away shaking his head.
Severus went directly upstairs, peeking in on Teddy and finding his sleeping soundly, his dragon tucked under the blankets with him. Being thankful for small mercies, he looked into Remus’ room, finding the man asleep in the wing backed chair Snape had put him in to move him down for breakfast. Lupin was leaned over against one side of the chair, head lolling to one side and his mouth handing open a little.
Snape pushed past a wave of guilt for not being clearer earlier in the day. He went over to the side of the chair that Lupin wasn’t leaning against, crouching down so as not to startle the other man too greatly.
He lightly set his hand on Lupin’s arm. “Remus,” he said in a voice only a little louder than normal.
Lupin jumped. Instantly awake, he was attempting to sit up, looking around wildly trying to locate Severus. Finally locking eyes on him where he was bent down, Lupin relaxed a little.
“I forgot where I was for a moment, sir,” he admitted, bringing his hand up to his neck and frowning.
“You should be in bed,” Severus said, looking up at him.
Remus’ face crumpled a little. “I didn’t know where I was supposed to lay down. If I slept in my bed without permission you’d think I was trying to make myself unavailable to you; if I slept in your bed without permission, you’d think I didn’t know my place and was being presumptuous. Fred said it wouldn’t matter, but I didn’t see how that could be so, sir. So I stayed here, where you’d put me.”
Snape sighed. “I understand your logic; but it is somewhat flawed. You are still reasoning as if you were living with Macnair. I recognize that while you were living under his authority, decisions such as this could have been a perilous thing to get wrong. You will eventually come to realize that things operate differently here, your idea or ‘normal’ will need to be redefined; it is something we will continue to work on.”
Snape stood in one fluid motion, pulling his wand from its place in his robes and levitating Lupin’s chair.
Remus looked frightened, having just woken up he wasn’t at the top of his game. “Where are we going, sir?”
“We are going to bed.”
That didn’t make Remus feel any more at ease. He’d done the wrong thing; why did he always do the wrong thing? Severus hadn’t appeared to be all that angry though; did he trust it? He took a deep calming breath, deciding to wait and see how all of this played out before getting too riled up. Almost holding his breath as he did it, he thought that maybe he would attempt to trust his master a little and see where that got him. There was really very little else he could do.
A/N: Sorry for the long delay! Hope you enjoyed it, definitely more to come.
I’d love to hear a comment, thought or suggestion! Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to keep reading!
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The Long Road