Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I Understand	By : LMG67 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Author Notes
- 2-Revelation
- 3-Grief
- 4-Horror
- 5-Thoughts
- 6-Anger
- 7-Training
- 8-Explanation
- 9-Expressions
- 10-Thinking
- 11-Tower
- 12-Pain
- 13-Seperate
- 14-Questions
- 15-Tears
- 16-In their own words
- 17-Tantrum
- 18-Sorrow
- 19-Darkness
- 20-Light
- 21-Passion
- 22-Breath
- 23-Suspicions
- 24-Iggy
- 25-Fear
- 26-Decisions
- 27-Understanding
- 28-Draco
- 29-Harry
- 30-Fallout
- 31-Accidents...
- 17
- 18
- 19
SORROW

Harry struggled to carry the unconscious form of Draco Malfoy down the long dank corridors to the
infirmary. He continually refused the others’ help; saying simply, that he did this to him and he
would carry him all the way. His heart was pounding erratically and his breaths were coming in
gasps. He didn’t want to lose anyone else, especially the silver haired boy in his arms.

He stumbled and almost dropped him. His arms tightened around Draco and he growled at the pair
of arms that reached into his field of vision to take him away. The arms were quickly removed. As if
from far off, he heard Pansy and Hermione telling the others to run and ask Madam Pomfrey to get
ready for them. He felt, rather than saw, the two girls get on either side of him and help support him
the rest of the way to the infirmary. Harry’s vision was slowly fading in and out and his arms were
numb from gripping Draco. But he still refused to let him go. He stumbled into the infirmary not
even hearing the medi-witch’s gasp and somehow made it to the nearest bed. He slowly laid the still
unconscious boy on the bed and grabbing his slack hand, he sat in the chair that was shoved under
him.

He ignored everyone. He ignored the perspiration dripping from his face down to their clasped
hands. He ignored the blood running down his face. He couldn’t drag his eyes from the still pale face
of the one that had haunted his dreams over the last year. He loved him, this he knew. He also knew
that nothing could come of it but he had yet to be able to turn his feelings off. He wasn’t a damn
light switch that he could just shut off his feeling like turning a light on and off. He had tried and it
had made him cold. He remembered he didn’t want to be cold.

Sitting here in front of his friends, old and new, he didn’t shut himself away. They saw the raw pain
and the longing that he felt for this boy and they were all silenced. Not even Madam Pomfrey had
the guts to tell him to leave, she just worked around him.

After running a few tests on Draco she bustled around getting him situated in the bed more
comfortably. She tisked at the others but said nothing as she got the potion she needed. She set it
down on the table beside the bed and walked to Harry.

“Let me clean that cut on your face, Mr. Potter.” Madam Pomfrey said as she held an alcohol swipe
up to his forehead.

“Heal him first,” was Harry’s only answer.

“I will in a minute just let me...”

“Him...first.” Came Harry’s cold voice. The medi-witch looked deep into the angry eyes of the boy,
no young man, before her and simply nodded.

Setting her hand gently on Harry’s shoulder she said softly, “Could you help him to sit up, dear?”

Harry nodded but was unable to speak around the large lump that had lodged itself in the vicinity of
his throat. He reached up and pulled the boy into his arms wiggling himself so that he was sitting
behind him with Draco’s back resting against his chest. He wrapped his arms around him and
Draco’s head fell against his shoulder opening his mouth in a more natural way. Madam Pomfrey
then poured the potion into Draco’s mouth and helped him swallow it with a bit of rubbing of his
throat.

Hermione and Ron glanced at each other, Hermione with a small sad smile and Ron with a glint in
his eye. He was angry but he wasn’t sure what he was angry at, or even who if that was the case. He
knew what he was seeing. And it saddened him that he had to see it. Harry was showing everything
that he felt to everyone in this room and, Ron sighed, it didn’t matter. Ron knew all the intricacies
and plots and political leanings that were prevalent right now and he knew for sure that Lucius
Malfoy would never let this happen. Even if Harry and Draco wanted it, their love was doomed from
the start unless things changed in their favor.

Draco shifted in Harry’s arms but did not regain consciousness. Harry did not get up from the bed
but continued to hold him close. He lifted his eyes and glanced at each of the ones left in the room.
He saw sadness, acceptance, and confusion in the eyes of his friends.

Pansy walked closer to the bed and said softly, “you can’t Harry.”

Harry sighed, “I already do, Pansy.” His voice was filled with the emotion that he was desperately
trying to hold in.

“He won’t allow it.” She said not having to mention that she was talking about Draco’s father
because they all knew that she was. She knew Draco’s feelings for the boy that held him in his arms
but she would never betray his trust and tell the distraught boy in front of her that the one he held in
his arms felt the same way that he did.

Harry sighed and fighting back tears he lowered his head to the shoulder in front of him but they all
heard his whispered, “I know.”

Tell them

I can’t

They have a right to know

No they don’t

How can they help you if you don’t tell them?

I don’t need their help. I can do this on my own

What! Now listen here you stupid little boy. You know nothing. There is no way that you can
handle this on your own. Tell them!

They won’t understand

Make them understand, Harry. It’s the only way

No!

You’re a coward. Harry Potter. The Gryffindor Golden Boy. The Boy Who Lived. Harry
fucking Potter is a coward!

Don’t talk to me that way

I can talk to you any way that I want

Who the hell ARE you?

Tell them Harry they have a right to know

I...

Please, Harry, you can’t do this on your own and they need to help just as much as you do

No, I won’t do it

Harry had, by this point, stopped thinking that the voice in his head was his subconscious. It
couldn’t be. It didn’t act like it, the voice acted as if it had a mind of its own and right now it had
decided to force the issue. But Harry wasn’t about to give in. He couldn’t tell these people. He
couldn’t let Draco know what was in store for him. He couldn’t hurt him that way. He would just
have to take care of Voldemort before Christmas and that was it.

Harry turned and stared angrily at each of them in the room. He was going to go back to being cold.
It was the only way. He gently laid the now sleeping boy back unto the bed. He reached up and
swept the lock of hair from his forehead softly behind his ear. He didn’t let the others see how his
fingers lingered on the other boy’s face. Straightening up he stared for a few more minutes drinking
in and memorizing everything about this boy. It was his last shot to be this close to him and not have
to deal with his sharp tongue.

That’s not all you’ll miss about his tongue if you do this Harry

I refuse to play whatever game this is. Now go away

He shook his head in refusal once and turned to face his friends.

He nodded to Ron and went to leave, turning back at the door he said to Pansy, “Let us know when
he wakes and tell him I am sorry that I hurt him.” His voice was once again cold and emotionless
unlike when he had been holding the other boy in his arms. She nodded once and Harry swiftly left
the room followed by Ron, Hermione, and Neville.

~`*`~

Harry walked away from the infirmary with his friends following him; his chest was hurting so
badly that he was beginning to wonder if he was having a good ‘ol fashioned heart attack. He
stumbled as the fatigue set in and reaching out a hand steadied himself against the stone wall of the
corridor.

“Harry?” Asked Neville quietly helping to steady him.

Harry shook his head to clear it and smiled at Neville. “I’ll be fine thanks. I just maybe need to sit
down,“ he managed to say before the blackness that he just couldn’t shake off any longer claimed
him and he fell forward into Neville’s arms.

~`*`~

Abruptly the room came into focus as his eyes snapped open. He knew where he was but had no
recollection on how he had gotten there.

He reached to the table beside him for his glasses but they were not there. In fact, he didn’t
remember having them since he left the training room. He sighed, now he would have to wait until a
new pair could arrive. Maybe he would let Hermione fix his eyes temporarily until they came in.
She would like that since she had been nagging at him for years to just have it done.

Hearing a sound to his left he jerked his head around his wand finding its place in his hand with
hardly a thought. He couldn’t actually make out who it was but he could tell from the red blob on
top of it that it was either Ron or someone else with the Weasley trademark hair.

“Ron,” Harry groaned, “what happened?”

“Not eating, not sleeping, excessive use of powers, drainage of said powers, bullheadedness, and
stubbornness, pig headedness...shall I go on?” Came the sarcastic answer from the red blob.

Harry groaned and dropped his head back onto the pillow. “Sure why not. Go ahead. Just, Gods
Ron, not now.”

“If not now, then when? At least here we can talk undisturbed.” His best friend said in a gruff voice.

Harry sighed. Ron was right it was time that they talked. Harry was concerned about his reaction.

“All right Ron we can talk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me Harry?”

“Tell you what Ron?”

“Anything, everything, at least something. One little thing would have kept me from worrying. But
could you do that? No! And why, because it was Malfoy. HARRY! MALFOY!” Ron was shouting
by this time. He had finally been able to let it all out and his plan of staying calm quickly flew out
the window.

Harry winched at his yelling. He’d known that Ron was going to do this and he wished that his best
friend had understood. But no one would understand what he felt and what he had to do. It was his
decision and he would stand by it. No matter what he felt for the Slytherin it would not change what
Harry had to do.

“Ron...,” Harry sighed but Ron was having none of it.

“No, Harry you need to listen to me. Do you even know what you are doing? Why are you doing
this?”

“Ron I haven’t DONE anything.” Harry shouted but was overrun by the furious redhead.

“Its not like I care what your sexual preference is Harry but this is Draco bloody Malfoy we are
talking about. The bane of our existence for six years. The one who has never left us alone. Never let
you forget. And what he has done to Hermione. Well it is just. And Dean and Neville. And. Damn it,
Harry! IT’S MALFOY!” Ron shouted out in defiance. He had started to lose his train of thought.
All he could think of was what Harry was going to go through in the next few months and it made
him angry.

“Ron!” Harry shouted into the silence. “For Gods sake. Nothing is going on. Will you just calm
down!”

“But you want it to!” Ron exclaimed accusingly his face flushed as red as his hair from the anger.

Harry said nothing. What could he say. He knew that everything that he had felt for Malfoy had
been visible on his face as he sat there holding him in the infirmary.

“I...” Harry started to say but stopped himself and just shook his head sadly.

“You do, don’t you.” Ron said softly.

“It doesn’t matter. Wanting something and having something is two different things Ron.” Harry
said quietly.

“I know Harry, I know. But still Harry its Malfoy. Why not Seamus or Justin or well, hell, anyone
else would be fine. But why Malfoy?” Ron asked.

Harry stifled a giggle at Ron. The earnest look on his face when he was suggesting another guy
made it clear to Harry that the fact that it was a boy wasn’t the problem but that it was Malfoy was
what Ron was having a hard time getting over.

“Because he doesn’t coddle me. He tells things like they really are Ron. He may be a sarcastic
bastard most of the time but he has never really lied to me. The truth hurts Ron. We all know this.”

“Malfoy wouldn’t know the truth if it jumped up and bit his aristocratic nose!” Ron yelled.

“Malfoy sees beyond the bullshit, Ron! Even you get blindsided by it!” Harry yelled back.

“That’s not true Harry!” Ron was furious. Harry knew that if Hermione had not put a silencing
charm on her room then everyone would be able to hear what they were fighting about. But Harry
knew that she would have thought of that, so he wasn’t worried about yelling right back at his best
friend.

“Isn’t it Ron? Tell me who was it that couldn’t tell that the rat he had was really Peter Pettigrew?
Who was it that thought I deliberately put my name into the Goblet of Fire? Who was it that accused
me of trying to steal Hermione from you? Who was it that just couldn’t see that the girl he was
running after didn’t like him that way? Who was it that thought that he got the place on the team
because he was my best friend and not because he could play?” Harry yelled getting up to face his
friend.

Into the silence their breathing was loud. Harry grimaced at the hurt look on Ron’s face.

“Malfoy saw all of it Ron, and he tried to tell you but you ignored him because of some stupid
family feud. You hate him for something that he didn’t even do. It’s like me hating Charlie because
he brought the dragon I had to face. It doesn’t work that way.”’

Ron could say nothing in the face of Harry’s logic. His anger at the situation was changing. He
didn’t want to listen to Harry he wanted Harry to listen to him. Malfoy was bad news he just knew
it.

“Harry, what has that got to do with anything? The two are not even close. Charlie didn’t try to get
us expelled two weeks ago. Charlie didn’t hex Dean so that he was in the infirmary for two whole
days with grass growing out of his ears. Charlie didn’t blow your potion up just this last class and
get you a detention with Snape. MALFOY DID!”

“Get your head outa Malfoy’s arse, Harry and look at the big picture. You don’t know that you can
trust Malfoy. This may all just be a big scheme to get you to Voldemort.”

Harry sighed, “But I DO know, Ron. We can trust him. I trust him. Is that not good enough for
you?”

“No, it’s not. Why do you trust him?”

“I can’t tell you that Ron. I already told you.”

“Harry don't be foolish!”

“I’m not.”

“O.K. don’t be stupid then!”

“What! How am I being stupid? Because I know something that you don’t and I won’t tell you what
I know, I am being stupid!”

“YES!” Ron yelled.

Harry and Ron were standing toe to toe yelling into each other’s faces. Both of them had their fists
clenched at their sides and their faces were red from the anger. Neither was willing to back down.

“Of all the moronic, selfish...How dare you! You know nothing. You are acting like a child!” Harry
yelled.

“I am acting like a child? I am not lusting after my second worst enemy!” Ron yelled back his face
going even redder.

At that Harry lost it for the second time that night. He knew that Ron was right, he was lusting after
Malfoy. And he also knew that Ron should know what that was like, after all, he still loved
Hermione.

“You of all people should know what that is like shouldn’t you Ron? Lusting after something you
know you can’t have. I have to...I can’t...I hate myself Ron do you know that?” Harry sighed. His
throat hurt from yelling and his voice cracked at the end. The anger drained from him leaving him
weak. He sank to his knees in front of Ron.

“I know he speaks the truth, Ron. I know it” He said softly.

Ron dropped to his knees beside Harry, “How Harry? Please tell me. I want to understand.”

“I...” Harry started but had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Please Harry just tell me.” Ron whispered.

“I didn’t only see the Dursley’s death that time. There was something else that happened that night.
It was a meeting, a meeting between Voldemort and Malfoy’s father. They were discussing Malfoy
and the plans that they had for him. I...I don’t. I can’t. Lucius offered his son to Voldemort, his own
son, Ron. He...at Christmas...when Pansy...” Harry began to shudder and his voice began to crack
under the strain of what he was trying to say. Small sparks of magic were beginning to flare from his
fingertips. He took a deep breath and tried to tell himself to calm back down.

“At Christmas Voldemort will take Draco as a sort of consort. He has been prepared for this for a
while. I am not sure how. He...he is expected to to he will bear his...I.” Harry sighed again and
drawing a deep breath forced what he had been trying to say out in a rush. “He will be Voldemort’s
whore and he will bear his children. They have preformed some kind of spell that will allow him to
do this.”

Harry was shaking when he finished. He didn’t realize that he had tears falling down his cheeks or
that you could cut the silence in the room with a knife.

“Oh my God Harry.” Ron said softly. “You knew this and you weren’t going to tell anyone else?
Why?”

“Because he can’t know Ron.” Harry’s anguished voice came from deep within him. “It will hurt
him so much and I just couldn’t tell him. I couldn‘t...I”

Ron reached up and gathered his best friend in his arms and hugged him tightly, “You love him that
much Harry?”

“I...I do.” was Harry’s whispered reply.

“You realize he won’t believe when the time comes to tell him.” Ron stated matter of factly. His
mind working out the intricacies of the situation. If Malfoy bore Voldemort’s heirs then they would
not only have his power but Voldemort’s as well. They would be raised on the Dark Arts and
become even worse than their sire.

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Use Pansy as the reason to go forward with the plan before Christmas.”

“There is something else you are not telling me isn’t there Harry?” Ron asked.

Harry nodded but did not answer. He was so tired all of a sudden. Ron had managed to calm him
down and now all he wanted to do was sleep.

“Later Ron. I want to be alone now o.k.? I...I‘m tired.” Harry pleaded with him. He was so tired.

Ron nodded and helped Harry to stand. He gave him one more brief hug and then turned to leave the
room. Harry’s voice stopped him at the door. It was back to being cold and emotionless and it made
Ron shiver.

“This does not leave this room. You will not speak of it. Not to me or to him. He will not know.
He...he can’t know. Not about this or about what I just told you. He can‘t ever know.“ And Harry’s
voice broke and he lowered his head back to the pillow and was asleep before Ron left the room.

****************************************************************

Enjoy!

LMG
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I Understand