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Ice	By : Sionnain Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 4605 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Chapter 18: �The line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, and who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?� ---Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

Lucius Malfoy had very few moments in his life when he was nervous. Before Quidditch games, he always ate breakfast with his normal cool expression, which never wavered as he walked out onto the pitch. There were times in his life when he should have felt certain emotions � empathy, terror, guilt or even joy � and he had not. He�d wondered idly whether it was the price he paid for selling his soul � to become dead inside even as he was enticed with the lure of eternal life. It scarcely seemed to matter as the things he had to do were often easier without that nagging voice of a conscience in his head. He�d killed before, he�d tortured on the commands of others � but he�d never felt a whit of nerves or fear or much of anything except the grim stoicism of doing what was necessary. The ends justify the means. It was becoming a personal motto.

On his wedding day, however, Malfoy was up at dawn and watching as the sun struggled vainly to break through the gray sky. The sky was heavy, the clouds hanging low in the sky as if heralding a coming storm. He would not give credit to the idea that it was nerves that had awoken him so early unless it was pure eagerness to have the day over and done with. He had been exceedingly annoyed with wedding planning and felt almost sorry for Narcissa that she was left to deal with the majority of the plans. Although Ariana was spearheading the majority of the planning process, Narcissa had been forced to accompany her mother on a ridiculous number of errands: fittings, alterations, florists and the like.

He had barely seen his fianc�e in the few weeks leading up to their wedding, and their last moment of intimacy had occurred at their engagement ball. Lucius was certainly not without means to find female companionship, but he found he was uninterested in the prospect. He adamantly refused to think of why that should be. Men of his status did not love their wives; men like Lucius Malfoy were not capable of love at all. Lost in thought, he repeated this to himself as he stared out of the window. His reflection was barely visible as the morning light started to filter in, but he saw his gray eyes were almost as stormy as the sky outside. Scowling, Lucius shrugged into trousers and a shirt and went downstairs. There would be no sense in waiting around in his rooms for the day to brighten.

Lucius was surprised to see his father awake, sitting in the study and staring at the remnants of a fire. It was his father�s familiar pose � except usually with a brandy glass and a cheroot. Aurelius Malfoy had neither, and to Lucius� eyes, he suddenly appeared a tired old man. Lucius bit back a sneer and said only, �Father� as he walked into the study.

�Ah, Son. I see you, like all other men before you, are unable to sleep past dawn on this the day of your wedding.� His father smiled briefly, a gentle smile that looked entirely out of place on a face that so resembled Lucius� own. �I remember I was awake even earlier the day I married your mother.�

Against all conventions at the time, his parents had been a love match even though the marriage had been arranged since Aurelius was a child. Although Lucius was not betrothed at the age of six to some pureblood witch he had never met, he was still expected to marry a certain type of woman to uphold the family tradition. Things had changed in high society, but not all that much as far as marriage was concerned. His parent�s marriage had been happy, he�d supposed, but he had not dwelt on the fact overmuch. Stephanie Malfoy had a glorious temper and more inner fire than any Malfoy had a right to have. Lucius often thought that was what killed her � marrying into the Malfoy family required ice in one�s blood, not fire. She was too passionate, too loud and too vibrant for life in the Manor, but his father had loved her despite his decided lack of the warmer emotions.

Lucius had an urge to be contrary and make some comment about just returning home for the evening, but he kept his peace. The mood in the library was tense, and he was not entirely certain why that should be so. �I imagine Narcissa has been forced out of bed at a similar hour,� he said only, staring again out of a window. Light had brightened the sky, but the clouds still obscured most of the sunlight. Lucius thought the weather admirably suited to the occasion�they were not a couple to marry under a cloudless sky.

�No doubt she is,� Aurelius said from behind him, and hearing his father�s voice closer to him, he turned around.

Aurelius was watching him out of frosty blue eyes that held that strange hint of sadness they always seemed to possess when he saw his son. �Lucius,� he began and took a step forward. Lucius involuntarily stepped back to place distance between them. He could not recall the last time anyone save Narcissa had stepped towards him for any reason other than to do him harm, and the reflex was almost automatic. It caused his father to sigh and close his eyes, and Lucius� hand twitched and ached to reach for his wand.

�I am uncertain as to the type of people you are dealing with, and I do not think I want to know if your initial reaction to physical contact is to assume someone is going to hurt you.� The sadness in Aurelius� voice caused Lucius to narrow his eyes.

�Merely common sense, Father; this way no one succeeds in hurting me.� Lucius crossed his arms over his chest, chin tilted defiantly.

Aurelius sighed again. �I am not sure where you learned this lesson, Son. I do not believe I ever punished you with physical force before when you were younger.�

No, you wanted me to �think on what I�d done�, he thought. I wonder if you are pleased how that turned out. Perhaps you should have beaten me. Aloud, he said only, �No, you did not teach me that, Father.� It was the truth, and the unexpected comment thickened the air between them.

�Who did?�

Lucius turned away to stare out the window once more and laughed shortly. �Life did, Father. Not so much a who as a what. Besides, once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin. I was taught self-reliance from the cradle, remember?�

�No,� his father said in an imperious tone, �you were not. You were taught loyalty to the Malfoy name before anything. Even yourself. How many times do I have to tell you this, Lucius? Nothing is more important than this family, our name.�

Lucius whirled on him, his temper frayed. �Father, I appreciate the sentiments,� he drawled, struggling to keep his temper in check. You cannot kill him on your wedding day. �And if I am not mistaken, I am doing the very thing you have been wishing me to do all along, am I not? Today I am furthering the family name by taking a wife and the establishing the future mother of the next Malfoy heir,� he bit out. �Why in the name of all the hells do you persist in repeating this to me as if I am toddler unable to understand what you are saying?�

�Because, Lucius, you do not,� his father said. His voice was weary, and he passed a hand across his brow tiredly. �You are marrying this woman because you wish to do so. You will do what you think is best because you have generations of Malfoy arrogance bred into you from the cradle, as you say. You have your mother�s temper, and yes, even her passion somewhere beneath that icy exterior you cultivate so well. You do indeed have all the qualities of a son that any man would be proud to have.�

Lucius should have left it alone, and he knew it. The temper he�d inherited from his mother stirred, and the years of feeling that vague sense of disappointment he had always felt from his father pushed him to say what he knew he should not. �Why is it that in this list of my sterling qualities, I sense that you are omitting telling me that which you think I lack?�

Aurelius Malfoy looked his only son and heir right in his eyes �in those gray eyes that held nothing save contempt and ire � and said calmly, �Somewhere along the line you lost your soul, Lucius. Without that, all of your other qualities are meaningless.�

There was silence in the study as the two Malfoy men stared at each other. Rain had started to fall outside, and a distant rumble of thunder could be heard in the background.

�Is that all?� Lucius said coldly. Even the rage dissipated until his knew his face was as cold and empty as his eyes and his voice. �Such an insignificant loss.�

His father took a step back but shook his head. The sadness in his tone threatened to undo Lucius, but he ruthlessly tampered down the rage. �Yes, Lucius, I am sure you view it that way. However, I do hope that when you are gifted with a child of your own, he does not share that affliction. I would not wish you on any man, even yourself.�

In some distant, far away corner of his mind, Lucius realized he should be furious. The man in front of him was his father and had just told him, in so many words, that he was a failure as a son and a despicable heir and that Aurelius hoped his grandchild did not resemble his father at all. It should have infuriated him, but it did not. The coldness seeped a bit deeper into his very being, and Lucius pulled out his wand. Slowly, he pointed it at his father, who laughed.

�Why, Lucius, you think to curse me for telling you the truth? Come now. We Malfoy men may lie but never to our own � and never to ourselves. I have obviously failed you in every other duty a father owes his son. What I don�t understand, Son, is how you can be without a soul and be so completely in love with Narcissa Black. It frightens me, this idea of love without conscience.�

Lucius stared at him. �I have no idea what you mean,� he said icily. �I am marrying Narcissa Black because we suit extremely well, and as much as you think I take no pride in my family name, I assure you the reality is otherwise.�

Aurelius inclined his head. �I did not say you took no pride in the family name,� he said quietly. �My concern is that you will destroy the Malfoy name because of it. Perhaps I doomed you to such a fate when I named you after a fallen angel in my quest to find you a strong Roman name as benefits our noble line.�

Aurelius broke his gaze to stand at the mantle. �I had my reservations about Miss Black, Son. However when I saw the two of you together and how protective you were of her the night we had dinner, I thought perhaps being in love would finally return to you the soul that you lost.�

Lucius was silent, his wand still pointed at his father. His face was still blank and emotionless. �Now you will tell me I have no capability to love in addition to not having a soul. Why, Father, I must say this is a most unusual father-son chat to have on my wedding day,� he sneered sarcastically.

Aurelius shook his head slowly, a strange look in his blue eyes. �No, Lucius. I am not going to say that because it is not true. You might rail against it, you might never admit it, but you do love Narcissa Black.� His father smiled sadly. �I know the symptoms, Son. I loved your mother very much.� The words were quiet, spoken without emphasis, but the truth of them rang clear in the air between them. �It has done nothing to return your soul to you, Lucius. I will not stay in this home and watch my failure thrown at my face at every opportunity.�

Lucius walked slowly around in a circle as if he were a shark about to strike out after the first scent of blood. �I fail to comprehend you, sir. Am I to understand you are so ill at ease with my marrying Narcissa because I love her? You, who loved your own wife despite the unpopularity of such a union?�

�I am saying that I am afraid of a man who can be what you have become and feel love at the same time. What kind of man is capable of feeling love but has no soul?� Aurelius� eyes burned like a brand as he stared at his son.

Lucius lowered his wand. �I suppose I am,� he snarled and turned his back before he committed the most unspeakable of sins and cursed his own father in the study of their home. His breathing was rapid and harsh; this conversation was trying the edges of his admittedly thin temper.

�I suppose you are,� Aurelius said softly. �And that is why I fear for you both and for my grandchild. I will do my family duty and see you wed, but I shall depart for Italy afterwards.� Lucius whirled around at his father�s words, unable to keep a brief flare of surprise from his face.

Aurelius straightened his shoulders and stared down his nose at his son. The strange sad look was gone from his blue eyes. �I suggest you go and have some breakfast, Son. I remember well the tiring nature of one�s wedding day, and you are much more inclined to be uncomfortable in crowds than I.� With that, Aurelius took himself out of the study and left Lucius standing in the drawing room alone.

Lucius walked over to the mantle and looked into the dying embers of the fire that smoldered in the hearth. He was slightly relieved that his father would be leaving the Manor following his wedding, and it was not exactly unheard of for such a thing to occur, especially since Malfoy Sr. was a widower. Marcus had retired to Germany after Aurelius had married Stephanie, after all. Grandfather was no doubt as disgusted with his son as Aurelius is with me.

Aurelius was weak, and if he wished to run off to Italy, Lucius would more than happily toss the floo powder for his departure. He turned on his heel and walked purposefully to the door. He made a note that when Aurelius left he was going to have that entire room redone to remove any lingering traces of his father�s presence. Setting his jaw, Lucius walked into the breakfast room to read the paper.

The Prophet spoke of the Bones� family and the grisly murder that had taken place the night before. The picture on the front page of the paper showed a group of Aurors milling about and pointing up towards the sky, where the gruesome sight of the Dark Mark shown bright against the inky blackness of the night sky. Lucius smiled slightly, sipped his tea and thought of Narcissa while an icy calm slid through his body as a little more of his humanity leaked away.
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Ice