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Lessons and Obsessions	By : LennaNightrunner Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 85098 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: MALLEABILITY

The way he breathed while sleeping was familiar now. That
was unexpected. They couldn�t have fallen asleep together more than half a
dozen times. It was deep and even, and she lay for several moments with her
eyes closed, just listening to the sound she drifted into consciousness.

His smell was familiar too, and her sleep-hazed mind
registered it just before her own scent; the almost sexy comingling of
pheromones that lingered through morning. Sound and smell aligned with touch as
his breath tickled her cheek. A heavy weight on her stomach,
pressure along her ride side, numbness in her right arm.

She opened her eyes with a smile to confirm what three other
senses had told her: there was Draco, unabashedly close to her in the
justification that sex and sleep provided. He lay against her side with his arm
draped over her. She relished the sound, smell, feel, sight of him.

It almost didn�t matter that every muscle in her body hurt.
She made a mental note to never have sex with Malfoy
twice in one day again if she could help it. Or at least not
if she had anything important to do the next day.

It was impossible to tell what time it was because the
curtains were drawn, but it felt late. Hermione considered getting up, but Draco
shifted and pulled her closer so that her back was pressed against his chest.
His arm slid down around her waist, yet he didn�t appear to have woken up.

�Well, most of him
didn�t appear to have woken up. This new position made Hermione keenly aware of the fact that they were both naked. This
realization left her with a dilemma: there was no way she could possibly handle
a repeat of the previous night, but Malfoy didn�t
seem willing to let her go so she could get up. Maybe she should try to go back
to sleep�

Warm lips pressed against her bare shoulder. She couldn�t
help but smile, and whispered, �Good morning.�

The kisses moved from her shoulder up to her neck before he
pulled his face away. �Morning.�

They�d never had this before. Never woken up together and
lain in bed after a nocturnal interlude. It was nice. He seemed so� different. Relaxed. Not worried about her getting the wrong idea about
how he felt. Not worried about anything at all. He held her close to his body
and his fingers brushed over her stomach in a way that almost tickled. Hermione�s
stomach muscles clenched reflexively and she groaned in pain.

�Out of practice?� Draco asked with
a knowing smirk, smoothing his hand over her skin to soothe the nerves. She was
so warm and soft.

�From now on I�m cutting you off at one go per day,� Hermione
teased as she stretched her arms gingerly. Ow. How
had he convinced her to switch over to her hands and knees in the end?

�If I skip a few days can I save them up?� He took one of
her arms in his hand and began to massage her forearm. Draco supposed it was
natural for her muscles to smart after last night. However, this was as much of
an apology as she was going to get out of him.

�No.� The pressure of his fingers hurt, but she could feel
some of the tightness begin to abate. She winced as he moved to massage her
other arm. �Couldn�t you have tried to be gentle?�

�But you didn�t want it gentle,� Draco said lowly against
her ear. He smirked again when she shivered. If there were any possible chance
she would let him, he�d take her again before breakfast without hesitation.

Hermione flushed and almost wished she had the energy to give
him what he wanted. �Clearly you shouldn�t listen to a word I say when I�m�
excited.�

�I only listen to a
word you say when you�re �excited,�� he countered with a chuckle and nipped at
her neck.

Hermione giggled and squirmed away from him so that they could
actually face each other properly. They�d never get out of bed if he kept doing
things like that.

�Well I can�t possibly do any more of that in the near future, so you�ll have to think of something else
for us to do today. That doesn�t involve your mother,� she added.

Draco cringed. �Don�t worry: I�m not keen on you two getting
to know each other better, either.�

Hermione sat up and looked around for her clothes,
remembering that all she had were the dress robes she�d worn to dinner the
previous evening.

�Do you have any ideas, then?� she dragged herself out of
bed and over to her clothes, ignoring the protests of her muscles.

�Books,� Draco said simply as he watched her bare form walk
across the room.

She looked back over at him. �Books?�

He shrugged. �You like them, don�t you?�

�I think that�s fairly obvious,� Hermione said with a
good-natured eye roll as she pulled the dress robes haphazardly over her head.
She just had to look presentable enough to get down the hall to her own room to
get cleaned up.

�Would you like to read some of ours?� Draco pulled himself
out of bed as well but only threw on a robe instead of getting dressed. His
first objective was a long, hot bath.

�Is that allowed?� Hermione asked with mock scandal. �What
if this lowly Muggle-born witch
were to learn a Malfoy family secret?�

Draco kept his countenance. �Oh, we don�t keep those books
in the library. We couldn�t very well have just anyone knowing about our
well-documented ties to Salazar Slytherin, the manticore we keep in the basement, or the ancient Malfoy family recipe for pasties made from the flesh of Muggle children.�

�Really?� Hermione mimicked his
deadpan delivery.

�Yes. And there�s also a secret handshake.�

She finally broke into a smile. �I think I might have more
respect for your family if there actually were a handshake.�

�I�m so sorry we don�t measure up,� Draco said proudly.

�You should be.�

*****

They were both clean, dressed, and fed before they finally
arrived at the imposing double-doors of the library. Draco stopped Granger
before they entered the room.

�Now, no drooling on the books.
Some of them are very old.�

�Oh, honestly. Why would I�� Hermione
scoffed as he turned the knob and the doors glided smoothly open. �Oh, my.�

�Indeed.�

*****

After a long day and evening of reading and academic
discussions with Malfoy regarding Wandlore
and Wandmaking, it was time for Hermione to go back
to her own room so they could both get some much-needed sleep. She had
desperately wanted to finish the last chapter of Which Wand for Wizard and Which for Witch, but Draco had caught her
nodding off and had taken the book away lest she drool in her sleep.

�You�re going to sleep in your own bed for once,� Draco
insisted as they neared her door. They had spent a lot of time together that
day. She wouldn�t be recovered enough to have sex again before bed, so he might
as well use that as a reason to be alone and clear his head.

�Last night was not my fault!� Hermione protested. �You
could�ve woken me and chucked me out.�

�I�m sure that would�ve gone over well,� Draco muttered.

�Fine. Look. I�m going to the guest
room. See?� She marched toward her room in mock irritation and turned the knob.

Draco was unfazed. �Good. And don�t let me catch you
sneaking into my room because you�ve had another bad dream.�

�I�m sure that would be awful for you,� Hermione gave a
superior laugh and boldly grabbed Malfoy�s left arm
to pull him towards her for a kiss to make her point. As soon as her hand
closed around his arm, however, Malfoy�s face
contorted into a grimace and he bit back an exclamation of pain. Stunned,
Hermione let go of him immediately.

�Have I hurt you?� she asked with no small measure of
concern.

Draco regained his composure very quickly. �You just
surprised me. It�s nothing.�

�Liar,� Hermione said, upset by the fact that he thought he
could fool her. �Show me.�

�Show you what?� he asked blankly, feigning ignorance.

She glared at him. �I�m not an idiot, Draco.�

Hermione grabbed Malfoy�s left arm
at the wrist and rolled up his sleeve despite his several protests. The Dark
Mark on Draco�s arm was an angry deep black, and seemed to writhe over his skin
defiantly. It was so much more alive and horrible than it had been the first time
she�d seen it on him. She was afraid to touch it. It was clearly taking some
effort for Draco to contain his reactions to the pain it was causing.

Draco stared down her pitying look defiantly and yanked his
arm away, rolling the sleeve back down. �I told you not to be bothered about
it.�

�Why is it so dark?� she asked, half in academic curiosity
and half in alarm. �It wasn�t like this before�. Does this mean he�s getting
stronger?� The thought of Voldemort strengthening
while Harry was out on his own was terrifying to Hermione, and her fear was
evident in her eyes.

He pulled away from her and practically snarled as he spoke.
�Why do you always have to go nosing about in other people�s business? Why can�t
you just leave well enough alone? Believe it or not, Granger, but not
everything concerns you!�

Hermione backed away as he lashed out. She hadn�t seen him
this angry in a long time, especially not at herself. �I��

�If I want to tell you something, I�ll tell you,� Draco said
in a cold, authoritative voice.

�Excuse me for being concerned about you!� Hermione said
acidly, railing in indignation against his assertion of power over her. �I�ll
try not to make that mistake in the future. You know where to find me if you feel
like telling me anything.�

With that, she turned on her heel and stormed away from him,
entering her room and slamming the door behind her.

*****

Hermione�s dream-heavy mind snapped into wakefulness at the
sound of the guest room door closing. Her instincts told her to be on her
guard, and she closed her fingers around the handle of her wand, which rested
on the bedside table.

�Malfoy?� she asked tentatively.

�Who else would it be?� Draco stood by the door and allowed
his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

His voice sounded much louder and more awake than hers by
contrast, and it startled Hermione. As he came closer to the bed, however, and
she could make out his shape in the darkness, she let go of her wand and
relaxed.

�You said I should sleep in my own bed tonight,� she said in
an icy tone.

�You will,� Draco replied, ignoring her coldness. He placed
his hand on her shoulder, motioning for her to move over so he could crawl in.

Hermione moved away from his hand, but did not make room for
him in the bed. She was still angry with him for what he�d said earlier. If he
thought he was going to get her to sleep with him after all of that, he was
sorely mistaken. �Not tonight.�

�Fine,� he said, a little annoyed that she thought he was
sneaking in for a shag.

�You�re still here,� Hermione said with a note of irritation
in her voice.

�Brilliant observation.� He rolled
his eyes out of habit; she wouldn�t be able to see it.

Malfoy didn�t move, either to
force his way into the bed or to go away. This only increased her annoyance
with him. �Can I ask why?�

�Can�t sleep.� Her irritation was
oddly satisfying to him.

�I don�t see how that�s any of my business,� snapped
Hermione.

�Shove over,� Draco said as he put his hand on her shoulder
again, ignoring her jibe.

�Can�t I refuse to let you into my bed?� Hermione asked
stubbornly.

She wasn�t going to beat him at stubbornness. �Technically
it�s my bed, seeing as it�s my house.�

�You�re impossible,� Hermione scowled.

�Shove over,� he repeated firmly.

Exasperated, Hermione complied. Moving over meant that she
got the cold part of the bed, while he made himself comfortable in the part
warmed by her body. Malfoy wasn�t wearing a shirt and
his skin was like ice against hers as he settled himself next to her. It was a
miracle he�d been able to keep himself from shivering as he stood next to the
bed.

�Anything else, Master Draco?� she asked scathingly,
incensed that he would use the fact that it was his home as an excuse to get whatever
it was he wanted.

�Go back to sleep,� he said as he pulled the blankets up
around his bare shoulders.

Hermione was utterly bewildered. �What?�

�Go back to sleep,� Draco repeated, rolling over on his side
so that he faced away from her. Maybe this had been a bad idea after all.

Hermione had no idea what to make of this behavior. Forcing
his way into her bed after they�d argued, and then neither apologizing nor
trying to seduce her? It made absolutely no sense. That was a bad sign.

��Is everything all right?�

Draco�s voice was muffled by his pillow. �You ask the most
idiotic questions sometimes.�

Hermione hesitated. �You could� you could tell me, you know.�

�No.� Why wouldn�t she just shut up so he could somehow try
to get some sleep?

The brevity and finality of his answer took her aback, but
she persisted. �I wouldn�t laugh, I��

�Leave it.� His anger crept into his voice.

�I�m sorry�� She sighed, trying to let go of her
frustration. �It�s just that you really don�t make it easy��

��It�s not important,�
Draco said in a tone that he hoped would end the matter. �Just, please� go back
to sleep.�

Neither said another word, though Hermione struggled for a
few minutes with whether or not she should let the issue go. Even after she�d
decided not to say anything more, sleep was a long time in coming for Hermione, and even more elusive for Draco.� They lay together in silence for hours, each feigning unconsciousness. Draco knew he would get
little-to-no sleep no matter which bed he was in, so he might as well be with
her. It was almost pleasant now that she wasn�t asking any questions.

Even though he was only there because he
felt guilty. Because, as much as he hated to admit it,
he didn�t want to be alone. Because his arm hurt so
badly. If it would just stop hurting, he could sleep. If he were strong
enough to ignore it, then maybe she wouldn�t have noticed it and he wouldn�t
have had to see her useless pity and he wouldn�t have yelled at her and felt
guilty on top of the pain in his arm.

Stupid bint.
There was no sense in her worrying about things she couldn�t do anything about.
His Mark wasn�t some gauge for how worried she should be about precious Potter.
He had wanted Granger to be an escape from all of the cock-ups he�d made in the
last few years. Instead, she brought them into stark relief. And he couldn�t
separate her from the Mark. Everything in his life was connected to the Mark.

That Dark Mark, black and excruciatingly painful in exactly
the same way as on the day the Dark Lord had branded him the youngest living
Death Eater. Draco remembered the exhilaration, the sense of honor. The Dark
Lord had a task for him. For him. If he completed it he would be more revered even than Snape. He could regain his family�s rightful place and no
one would dispute the fact that he had become a wizard worthy of the name of Malfoy.

He remembered not knowing how to fix the cabinet. He was
terrified for his life. For his parents. As much as he
was ashamed to admit it, he cried like he hadn�t done since he was a child
because he didn�t want to die. There was no way out. He served a merciless
master and he would be shown no mercy if he failed.

He remembered the sense of triumph when he finally did it.
He had created a passageway into Hogwarts. No other Death Eater had been able
to do that. He had let them into Hogwarts. He would finally be able to kill
that old fool who had underestimated how much of a threat he was. Everything would
be as it should be.

He remembered the absolute paralyzing terror of the moment
when he realized that he couldn�t do what the Dark Lord had ordered. He
couldn�t kill that pathetic old Muggle-lover. His
wand was aimed, but he couldn�t say the words. He couldn�t mean it. He was
weak, after all. And then Snape had to do it for him
and steal the glory. Draco wouldn�t be killed, but he wouldn�t be rewarded,
either. And the Dark Lord had seemed� disappointed. Thrilled that Dumbledore
was finally dead, but disappointed at not being able to punish Lucius by bringing about Draco�s death. Only then did Draco
understand what his mother had known from the beginning: the Dark Lord had not
meant for him to succeed.

The Mark had been on him through all of that: a symbol of
the all-powerful presence of the Dark Lord in his life, the inescapable oath of
service he had taken. A band of ownership by a master who had
sent him on a suicide mission in order to punish his father.

He began to resent the Lord who took everything and gave
nothing but pain, hardship, and death. They had wanted to make a better world;
a purer world. But who would be left standing to enjoy it in the end? If the
Dark Lord had his way, he and his parents wouldn�t live to see that day.

He swallowed his pride and did the unthinkable: begged the
Order of the Phoenix for help. For himself and for his
mother. For his father, too, if he were ever released
from Azkaban. He went back to Hogwarts: one of the few places he might
be safe from his Master. He studied for his NEWTs. He entertained the idea that
he might pursue a career. This was a thought he had scoffed at less than a year
earlier. He endured the blinding pain that happened every time he ignored a
summons. He deserved to pay that price.

He let himself consider the idea that he could have the
witch who had found her way into his fantasies for years. What did it matter
now? Things could hardly get worse, so he might as well do as he wanted. Maybe
if he had her, he could ignore the rest for a while.

He remembered soft lips pressing against the ugly skull. A Muggle-born witch embraced the symbol that had rallied his
family and those like them to torture and kill her kind. She was absolutely
mental. This was the symbol that had hung above the castle the night he had let
the Death Eaters in with the intent to kill her and her friends and teachers.
It was so very wrong of her to accept it like that.

Every ugly part of himself, she had
accepted. Every flaw, outside and in. He had no idea
why. He acted as if she should be honored to even get near him. As if he were
better than she was, and that a mudblood like herself should feel lucky to be noticed by him. Even when he
convinced her to start seeing him, even when he was shagging her he never
really stopped trying to make her feel like she was nothing.

It all seemed backwards now. Everything he had thought was
low and unworthy in her was unimportant. What did it matter if she had Muggle parents when she was the brightest witch in their
year? Was it so horrible that she was friends with the only wizard who stood a
chance at defeating the source of evil that had practically destroyed his life?
She was all goodness and forgiveness and it made him feel worthless and he
hated it.

But he also hated being away from her. He was a fool for
ever letting it get this far. It was natural for him to want her. But now he
needed her. Less than a year ago he would�ve turned her over to the Dark Lord
in a heartbeat. Now he was crawling in bed with her like a child because he
couldn�t sleep. He wanted comfort from her. If he had given her to the Dark
Lord then he could�ve owned her like the animal the Dark Lord said she was.

That thought chilled him. He wouldn�t want her like that.
She couldn�t be who she was in a world that the Dark Lord ruled. He would kill
her, or worse. Even if He gave her to Draco as a reward, she wouldn�t be what
she was to him now; she would always be less. There was no acceptable place for
her in the world he had hoped to help create when the Dark Lord had burned the
Mark into his arm.

All of that seemed so long ago. He had turned his back on
the Mark and fled to the arms of the impossible witch who slept beside him.

How much more would he have to betray to keep her?

*****

A/N: I am *profusely* sorry about the delay in my update. Real
life got in the way, as it tends to do, so I was only able to keep up with some
drabbles on LJ. There was also a delay because this was a strange chapter and
it took me a while to figure out what needed to happen and how. But it�s done (yay!) and hopefully the time between this update and the
next one will not be nearly so long. I have a decent idea of where we�re going
next and how I�m going to get there, plus a store of detailed notes to shorten the
writing process. Thank you all of your patience and wonderful reviews! Special
thanks, as always, go to my glorious beta, twist_shimmy.

Dreamweaver�Yeah, I was scared when I was writing it. I
think Narcissa is too much of a lady to make any
outright comments, so she�s just sort of manipulative and sneaky. I think she�s
definitely curious about Draco�s interest in Hermione, but still feels
threatened: she does NOT want a muggle-born as a
daughter-in-law. And oh yes, if you have to be subtly grilled by the mother of
the man you�re sleeping with, it�s nice to at least get some Draco comfort. Yay spoon!

leValkyrie�Hotness whoo indeed! Thanks :D

kazfeist�Hey, now, I�m not the one who�s torturing her; that�s all
Draco! That cruel, cruel man. But I think he�s working
his way toward manning up. Even if he can�t say it with words, I think
sometimes he gets close to saying it through his actions. It�s a tough transition
for him. Yes, I think the meal went relatively smoothly on the surface, but I
think Hermione had a reason to be shaken up afterwards. Poor
girl indeed.

angeles�Thanks! I�m trying to update as often as I can, though I
sort of dropped the ball on this update because real life got in the way.
Hopefully I can keep it up and get you some resolution on all those burning
questions!

ilke�*giggle*
I�m so glad you liked the pill thing. I was really happy when I wrote that. It�s
funny but heartwarming at the same time and I loved being able to see how they
were growing closer unwittingly. I think this chapter (18) shows a lot of that
too. I love that kind of stuff. Sometimes they surprise me with it when I�m not
intending to write it.

PotterEntourage�Yes, oh the
tension! It was definitely palpable, even while writing it. Glad you liked it!
I was pretty happy with my Narcissa in the end.

ilke�(again)
Yeah I was kind of shocked that Draco brought her to the Manor, too. After I
wrote it I sort of went, �Where the hell did that come from?!� The rejected hug
was written a very long time ago, almost at the beginning of this project, and
I�ve loved it since then. I think it says a lot about the dynamic of their
relationship at the time. Poor Hermione. But poor Draco, too, in a way. And yes, I was so very happy
about the spinach and endive salad. Glad you liked it, and that you seem to be
almost if not fully caught up! Yay ilke!

amoraluv�Thanks! Here�s the chapter (sorry for the wait), hope you
liked it!

mem mem�Thanks so much! That�s high praise, indeed :). Hope you
liked this chapter too, and I�ll try to update more often!

scarletwitchextreme�Hi Scarlet! I�m pretty well right now. I had a rough patch
with real life stuff, which is why it took me a while to update, but things are
going well now and I hope to update more often from now on. I�m really glad you
liked my Narcissa because I was nervous about
her.� To say that you think I have her
canon is high praise! I think Hermione wasn�t as brave as she could�ve been
because it was such a strange situation and she wasn�t sure how Draco felt
about her meeting his mother, etc. Thank you so much for your compliments on my
Draco and on my fic in general. As someone who is
fairly new to this (this is my first full-length fic)
I�ve really been honored by all of the positive feedback I�ve been getting. I�m
definitely excited to see where the plot will go since even I don�t have it all
mapped out yet, but I hope you�ll like it when I get there! Thanks again
Scarlet, and good luck with your fic!

SiriusSeriously�Lol, sorry! The fic is relatively new and I�ve been awful about updating on
time lately because of some real life stuff.�
But I�m still writing and I definitely intend to keep updating for a
long time because there�s a lot of story left to tell! I�m really glad you like
the fic and I hope you continue to do so.
Unfortunately, I can�t e-mail you about updates, but if you want you can friend
me on LJ (lennanightrun): I post every time I update
the fic.

Elara�Thank you! I�m really glad
you like it. I�ll try to keep updating as often as possible, and I hope you
continue to enjoy it :).

magical�Thanks so much! Obviously I
like my Draco because I wrote him, but it�s so nice when other people like him,
too. Yes, they�re definitely getting closer and that should continue. I�m glad
you liked it and I hope you�ll continue to do so!
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Lessons and Obsessions