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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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Lost and Damned

When I Tell You I Love You

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First Harry Potter developed a crush on his least favorite teacher, then he decided to befriend his least favorite classmate�The world was surely upside down, wasn�t it? Harry couldn�t help but think this to himself as he left the Great Hall from lunch and headed down to the Quidditch pitch, broom in hand. McGonagall nodded approvingly from the Head Table and Harry managed a small smile�She hadn�t been too happy with him for losing so many points over the holidays, but the appearance of working harder to win them the Quidditch cup warmed her up a bit. Angelina would be plenty happy to hear he had been practicing�So long as no one walked out to find him attempting to socialize with Draco Malfoy. It was for both of their benefits�Harry doubted Malfoy wanted anyone to know they were being friendly.
As he had been told, Malfoy was already flying around on his own broom. He actually wasn�t half bad, Harry thought to himself. Not amazing, but certainly not bad�Harry had seen worse. Far worse. Swallowing hard, Harry stood in place and shifted a bit awkwardly on his feet while he waited. Finally, when he thought Malfoy had seen him he turned and began to walk off.
�Not stalking me, are you, Potter?� Malfoy called out, his voice almost lost on the wind.
�Not bloody likely!� Harry called back.
�You were checking me out, weren�t you?� Malfoy laughed.
�Oh yes, Malfoy�It�s the way you grip that broom! I can�t help myself!� he shouted back teasingly, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment. Hopefully from the sky Malfoy wouldn�t notice that particular detail.
Silence followed for a moment. �Here I thought you only had eyes for Snape.�
�Yes, well, he isn�t around to show me how well he can grip a broom�Don�t even know if he likes flying, so I figured I�d settle for you.�
Malfoy was closer now�Close enough for Harry to hear him laugh. A genuine laugh. Harry turned around, smirking as Malfoy flew lower. �Better not let Snape hear you.�
Harry shrugged. �He�s seen worse. In my head.�
Malfoy�s eyes bugged for a moment before he laughed again. �That is no way to seduce a man, Potter.�
�Well, I thought about bringing my broom to show him what I can do, but I have a feeling he�d wonder why I was bringing a broom into our lessons.�
Malfoy snorted and smirked and shook his head. �Stupid Gryffindors.�
Harry shrugged, though he was quite pleased with how well this was going so far. �It�s all a part of our charm. We can�t help ourselves.�
Malfoy rolled his eyes. �Well, I�d ask you why you weren�t flying, since I�m assuming that�s why you�re here, but I wouldn�t want you to think I was trying to proposition you.�
�Darn,� Harry said with obviously false disappointment, though he mounted his broom. �Maybe you can watch me then and pass the message of my talents along, then?�
�Or I can pass along how terribly untalented you are, too,� Malfoy suggested and Harry just grinned and flew up into the air. This was going easy enough�Harry wondered if Snape had had any more talks with Malfoy, considering he was so concerned about him�If he would even try to encourage Malfoy the way he had been encouraging Harry to make things work. It was the last day of Christmas holidays and it had been a few days since their last encounter�Harry figured Snape must have said something to make Malfoy run off�Or maybe Harry was just having bad luck with trying to corner the boy. Today, though, was going much better than expected.
Malfoy seemed to notice the difference, too. The boy muttered to himself, but not loud enough for Harry to hear over the wind. He felt his heart drop a bit as Malfoy hesitated on his broom, furrowing his thin blond eyebrows. �Don�t tell me you�re scared, Malfoy! I know your flying pales in comparison to mine, but you can at least try to look like you�re good at it!� Harry called out teasingly, hoping to push the other boy into staying without pissing him off.
�That�s not going to work, you know!�
Harry sighed. �What�s not going to work, Malfoy?�
�Snape put you up to this!�
�Somehow I doubt Snape wants me to get more practice in. I think he and McGonagall fight over the Quidditch Cup every year!�
�Stop playing dumb, Potter.�
�According to you Slytherins, it�s not much of an act!� Harry called back, pleased that Malfoy hadn�t flown off yet.
Harry braced himself as Malfoy turned and zoomed towards him, though he stopped a few feet away. Malfoy looked irritated and upset. �Let�s get one thing straight, Potter. I�m a Malfoy. I am better than everyone at everything�I don�t need your help or your pity�I have too much! I am too�I�m too�great! At everything! And�And if anybody should be pitying anybody, I should be pitying you!�
�This isn�t about pity, Malfoy,� Harry shot back, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Malfoy knowing what he and Snape were up to only made doing it that much harder. �I don�t like you, remember? And you don�t like me. You�re too much of a cocky prick for anyone to feel much sympathy,� Harry lied. �I was just bored and I figured you wouldn�t be completely horrid company.�
Malfoy eyed him suspiciously, though he didn�t move.
Harry just shrugged. He wasn�t too sure how well this would work, but Snape thought it would. Harry couldn�t make his attempts at friendship too obvious�They�d have to start slow, like all good friendships did. They wouldn�t have to get into anything too serious where Harry was playing therapist or something to Malfoy�s home issues. Instead he should try approaching Malfoy from another angle�Less serious in nature and more about showing Malfoy that Harry wasn�t such a bad person to be around. Snape had made plenty of insulting comments regarding that. As dimwitted and foolishly heroic you are, I am quite sure we can find something that might make you appeal to Draco or thing that like�Often enough comparing how refined and classy Draco Malfoy was to how rowdy and reckless a Gryffindor Harry was. Still, it had worked for a bit�They seemed to get along okay as long as neither of them thought about it.
�You can go on if you want�I wasn�t that interesting in your company anyway,� Harry said easily, his tone neither upset or insulting, acting as though it honestly didn�t matter one way or the other. While Harry tried to keep himself under control, he could feel his stomach twisting nervously. Snape already said it was going to take a while to get Malfoy to warm up to him, but Harry still felt like the man would be upset if Harry didn�t make some progress with the boy and Harry was quite eager to earn some sort of approval from him.
�Well�I suppose it would be rude of me to deny anyone my presence,� Malfoy said. �Though if anyone else comes around here, I�m going to shove you off of your broom�Have to keep up appearances, you know.�
�Yeah, I know,� Harry replied, grinning. At least Malfoy was giving him a chance�All he had to do now was keep up the good work. It would be useless to drag Malfoy into spending time with him and then failing the whole mission once he got started. He wasn�t sure he and Malfoy had much in common, but they had a decent time exchanging words, teasing one another in a non-violent manner�Harry wasn�t even worried about Malfoy�s threat. Though that had more to do with Harry�s confidence on the broom and his abilities to dodge any attack from Malfoy than faith that Malfoy wouldn�t do just as he promised.

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Harry and Malfoy spent a great deal of time on the Quidditch pitch. They flew around and showed off all of their good flying tricks to one another. Towards the end, near dinner time, Daphne and Astoria Greengrass came outside and Malfoy made a quick move to try to attack Harry, who dodged him easily, while the girls oohed and ahhed over the whole display. After a few minutes the girls begged Malfoy to come down and he conceded after a few more minutes, walking back to the castle with a sister on each arm. Harry watched them go, wondering to himself what Pansy Parkinson would do if she saw this. He snickered and shook his head and finally flew to the ground when he figured the Slytherins were far enough away. He quickly dropped off his broom and eagerly headed down to the Great Hall, absolutely starving from spending so much of the afternoon flying. It had been great, but it had also given him quite the appetite.
When he was done, he headed down to the dungeons in a good mood. He had actually enjoyed himself today and he was eager to tell Snape of his progress with Malfoy. He had only walked a few yards down the corridor before Malfoy caught up to him. �If anyone sees us walking together, I�ll have to hex you, you know,� was all Malfoy said as he caught up with Harry and Harry just grinned. �I�ll have to hex you back�But you know�It�s all for the show.�
�Fair enough,� Malfoy replied with a smirk. �I�ll have you on your arse before you could think of a good enough spell.�
They bickered as they walked, though it wasn�t nearly as mean-spirited as their usual insults. It was all for fun and Harry found it easy not to take anything too personally. Things still felt a bit awkward between them�That was to be expected when you suddenly found yourself getting along with your worst enemy.
�Try not to blow anything up, Potter!� Malfoy said as Harry walked into Snape�s office. Harry just shook his head and grinned, immediately walking around Snape�s desk to mutter the word that caused the door to appear in the wall. He let himself in easily, eager to share his good news with Snape and hoping that the man would offer some sort of positive reaction to it. It wouldn�t kill the man to actually say thank you or offer some sort of compliment, would it? It was foolish to hope for, but a boy could still dream.
Harry froze as he entered, his grin and good mood quickly fading as he saw the dark figure of his potions master stumbling across the room, half falling beside his couch, pale hands reaching out to grip the back and the arm as he sank to his knees. �Professor Snape?� Harry asked, heart thumping wildly. The man didn�t respond, only groaning pain and Harry�s eyes widened further as he noticed blood dripping down his face and his hands. �MALFOY!� Harry shouted, turning back into the office. Harry wracked his brains, trying to remember if he had seen Snape during dinner�He must have just come from a meeting with Voldemort. Harry had felt his scar prickling a bit earlier, but it hadn�t bothered him much�
�What do you want, Potter?� Malfoy demanded as he slowly strode into the office.
�Help�He just�He�s�I don�t know what to do,� Harry said in a panic, rushing back into the room to reach Snape�s side. Malfoy gasped and followed him in.
�Severus! Are you okay?� Malfoy demanded, grabbing Snape�s other arm as Harry grabbed his left, both boys hoisting Snape onto the couch. �Ummm�Potions�Umm�Stay here, Potter,� Malfoy commanded, rushing to one of the shelves near the fireplace, moving glass vials around, muttering under his breath. Harry glanced at him for a moment before turning his eyes back to Snape, his arms shaking a bit as he gingerly reached out to brush the man�s sticky black hair out of his face, his stomach lurching at the sight of the thick blood sliding down his pale skin, his black eyes fluttering open every few seconds. His chest was heaving and he could hear the man�s deep breathing and a bit of wheezing that didn�t sound good.
�We should get him to the infirmary! Or�oh we should�we should get Dumbledore,� Harry said. Dumbledore would know better what to do in this situation.
�No time, Potter�Go get some rags or something,� Malfoy said, nodding in the direction of the bathroom. Harry nodded and jumped up, running to the bathroom and lighting the place. He grabbed two rags and ran one under the faucet, wetting it and ringing it out before carrying both out into the living room while Malfoy tipped a potion into the man�s mouth.
�Wipe some of the blood off so we can see the wounds better,� Malfoy said, his voice slightly shaky and Harry noticed a slight tremble in his hands as he looked at the other vials in his lap. �I�I dunno if�if Scourgify would�would bother them or anything so�� Malfoy explained, nodding to the rags he had Harry grab.
�S�fine,� Harry said and began gently wiping at the man�s face.
Barely a second later the sound of robes rustling caught their attention and both boys jumped. Dumbledore was walking towards them from the fireplace, a look of sadness and fear in his blue eyes. �I can take it from here, Harry, Draco�You should return to your rooms,� Dumbledore said, coming to stand by the couch, reaching out his hands. Harry gave him the rags and Malfoy gave him the potions and they both stood up.
�Sir,� Harry began, unable to tear his eyes away from Snape�s face. He was still covered in blood, his face scrunched up and his body twitching ever so slightly, though it was enough to give his heart quite the worry. �Sir, is he going to be okay?�
�Professor Snape will be fine, Harry. But I must insist that you leave now,� Dumbledore explained and Malfoy grabbed his arm and half pulled him out of the room. Harry didn�t want to leave�He wanted to stay and make sure Snape was okay�He wanted to help�
�Dumbledore�s with him�He�ll be fine�Right?� Malfoy asked, his eyes glued to the door as it slowly faded back into the wall.
�Right,� Harry said, though he didn�t sound totally convinced. Snape looked awful�Harry felt sick to his stomach and Malfoy looked paler than ever before.
�I�I�ll let you know�When I know something�Okay, Potter?� Malfoy said, looking very shaken up. Harry was tempted to reach out and offer some sort of comfort, but he restrained himself. Malfoy would, of course, know something before him and he had every right to be upset�Snape was his Head of House, favorite teacher, and his godfather. Harry just�He didn�t even know what to fill in there. He shook his head and cleared his throat.
�Okay�Thanks,� Harry muttered, eying the door one last time before reluctantly pulling himself away and heading to Gryffindor Tower. Every step away was harder to take and it took every last bit of his energy not to run back into those rooms to watch Dumbledore take care of Snape. He had to trust Dumbledore�Dumbledore was the wisest, most powerful wizard of all time. He would be able to take care of him. Harry had to trust in that.

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�Foolish�boys��
Dumbledore chuckled, but Severus didn�t find it amusing at all. Those stupid boys! He was going to have to start having Potter�s lessons in his office again and change the password to his chambers. That boy�s presence was hard enough to deal with without him letting himself into Severus�s private rooms whenever he wanted! Severus had been a bit bothered when Potter had recalled his password, but it hadn�t posed much of a problem�Well, until Christmas night and now, of course. The last thing Severus needed was Potter and Draco fretting all over him. Pitying him. Thinking he was weak�Severus rolled his eyes at himself and swallowed hard. He had survived. That wasn�t weak.
�They were only trying to help, Severus,� Albus explained.
�Potter is nearly as meddlesome as you are,� Severus retorted irritably.
Albus laughed again, still waving his wand over Severus�s body, muttering the words that would help close the wounds. �He merely cares about you, just as I do. Is that so wrong?�
�It�s bothersome.�
�Of course it is,� Albus said kindly, uncapping one of the vials Draco Malfoy had given him. Essence of Dittany. He began gently pouring it over the wounds.
�I need to change my password�And make sure Potter doesn�t overhear anyone using it this time,� Severus muttered. He was tempted to take points from Gryffindor, but he doubted Albus would let him.
�That might be wise,� Albus agreed. �Now instead of muttering about two boys who care about you, why don�t you tell me what happened tonight?�
Severus smirked and sighed, shifting his body a bit, wishing he could sit up and finding himself embarrassed when he didn�t have the energy to do so. �The Dark Lord�suspected�a few of us of�being spies. I think he thought if he tortured us enough he would be able to get into our minds better,� Severus explained. �I do not believe he got anything from me, though. Even by that means, he wasn�t able to get much from Mortimer Grimm, either�Still suspected him, though�Thought he was purposefully giving false information and trying to�trying to tell everyone�the truth. Decided he needed to die�Torture and then death. He put up a good fight, though�He�s always been a talented duelist. Bastard used my own spell against me�The Dark Lord allowed me the honor of killing him after that�in my state, though�it just took�a lot more out of me.�
Albus frowned. He was silent for a moment as he tended to Severus�s wounds, trying to prevent scarring. �Blood replenishing potion, Severus,� Albus said, holding out the vial. Severus knew Albus might have rather force-fed it to him, but he knew Severus would never allow that unless he absolutely could not give it to himself. With a shaky arm he raised the vial and swallowed it�s contents while Albus continued. �You�re certain he doesn�t suspect you?�
�Not any longer, he doesn�t,� Severus promised him. If he had, Severus would surely be dead. He had wanted Mortimer Grimm killed without much of a reason. Severus knew the biggest reason he had survived as long as he had among the Death Eaters was usefulness. The Dark Lord liked to praise his talents and at one time it made Severus proud. It was one of the many reasons he had joined the Death Eaters�For the respect he so deserved, despite his lack of wealth and despite his �soiled� blood. Now, though, every compliment from the Dark Lord left him feeling empty or nauseated. The Dark Lord thought him useful�And unless the Dark Lord had every proof he was a traitor, Severus would remain. The Dark Lord couldn�t suspect him any longer, Severus was sure. Even under the pressure of the Cruciatus Curse, he remained as strong a ever, holding up the shields in his mind with all of his energy.
�Very good,� Albus said quietly, standing up. �You should get some rest, Severus�Do not teach tomorrow unless you are certain you are prepared to. We will talk more about this tomorrow�Before dinner, perhaps?�
�That will be fine, Albus.�
Severus watched Albus go, feeling much more inclined to get up and work on adding more security charms to his room and changing his blasted password. The mere thought of standing, however, sucked from him the remainder of his energy and instead he closed his eyes and fell into nightmares of blood and screams and mutilated bodies.

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Under the cover of his Invisibility Cloak, Harry crept quietly into the dark office. He closed the door quietly and shifted nervously beneath the cloak before flicking his wand and lighting the office. Everything within him wanted to run to the opposite side of the room, but he forced himself to move slowly and quietly, whispering the words that made the door appear in the wall and he let himself in.
For a moment he just stood in the doorway, breath caught in his throat as he watched the dark figure on the couch. The fireplace was lit, but the light was dying slowly and Harry sent a quiet spell to revive it. Brighter light spilled into the room and the figure was bathed in a warm, orange glow. Harry stepped forward hesitantly and closed the door behind him. Snape seemed okay�The blood was all gone and there were only light marks on his face left from his wounds. He was snoring quietly and Harry smiled to himself as he slipped off his Cloak and set it on the coffee table, causing half of the thing to disappear, seeming quite impressive how that much table stood on two legs. Harry didn�t pay it much mind as he sank to his knees beside the touch, reaching out to brush his fingers along Snape�s face. He looked troubled in his sleep�but it was just sleep. The snoring and the light rise and fall of his chest assured Harry that he was alive and Harry couldn�t be happier or more grateful.
�What are you doing here, Potter?� Snape grumbled quietly and Harry froze with his fingertips still placed on the man�s cheek as dark eyes slowly opened, squinting at him.
�Making sure you�re okay,� Harry whispered, voice shaking.
�Idiot Gryffindor,� the man grunted. �As you can see, I am perfectly fine.�
�Good,� Harry whispered, just staring down at the man for several moments. Snape just huffed and glared at him a bit, but he didn�t say or do anything else. His heart beat harder in his chest as a new thought occurred to him�Did he dare? Finding that he couldn�t help himself, Harry felt his body moving in closer, gently pressing his lips against Snape�s. His lips were thin and chapped, but they were warm and feeling them against his own sent a shiver trailing down Harry�s spine.
�Are you inept at everything that you do, Potter?� Snape muttered, though Harry just smiled�He had a feeling Snape was just teasing him.
�I love you.�

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Harry gasped sharply, his eyes flying open. I love you? Harry couldn�t believe he had actually done that! It had only been a dream�Harry closed his eyes tightly, feeling more stupid than ever. It was just a dream�just a dream, he told himself over and over. Harry had had many nightmares, but at the moment, Harry wasn�t sure any of those had been nearly so scary as that dream had been.

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Author�s Note: Yay another chapter done! Thanks so much for everyone who reviewed! I loves them! Keep �em coming, you know I love hearing from you! Chapter title lyrics from �Driven Under� by Seether.
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Lost and Damned