Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

The Long Road	By : SinisterMe Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 63598 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 18
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Severus levitated the chair into the hall and on into his own room, setting it by the bed on the same side that Remus had slept on the previous night. He pulled the covers back, floating Remus so that he was hovering parallel to the top of the bed.
Snape removed his outer robe, hanging it over the back of a chair. He rolled up his sleeves and sterilized his hands and arms.
“I know it’s late,” Severus said. “But we should see to your injuries one more time tonight; then I will apply the salve that will help with the scarring. When I am done with your torso, I’m going to give you another dose of the fast acting healing potion.”
“Yes, sir,” Remus said. Privately he was surprised that Snape would still tend to his wounds. He had ignored Fred’s insistence that he get into bed. He’d wanted to make sure that he did what Severus wanted him to; but since he hadn’t had a clue what that was, he thought that the best thing he could possibly do was to stay in the chair. Clearly, that had been the wrong thing to do.
Snape removed the wrappings from around Lupin’s torso. It didn’t take long for him to cover the area that needed it in the salve, front and back; the space of skin that needed tending was miniscule compared to what it had been when Remus had arrived here.
He cleansed his hands and covered them again, only this time with the ointment for scarring. Severus caressed his hands across the smooth tissue of Remus’ healed skin, spreading the potion across it and carefully rubbing it in. When he had all of the necessary areas covered he spent an extra span of time on the muscles in Lupin’s neck and shoulders; they were tight and must have been causing the other man some discomfort. He tried to ignore the small keening sound Remus made when he found a knot and circled it firmly with his thumb, carefully working it out.
Severus wrapped the still healing section in gauze. At this point, only a section crossing his stomach needed to be bandaged. He lowered Lupin to the mattress, uncorking the bottle of healing potion and giving a dose to Remus.
“I’m just going to do your feet quickly; hopefully by the time I’m done the potion will have kicked in.” Severus was already unravelling the bandages on Remus’ feet.
“Thank you, sir.” Remus still didn’t know what to expect from Severus; he couldn’t help fearing the worst. He would just continue to do his best to keep the man from getting too angry, it would be worth almost anything for Snape to continue to treat Teddy the way he was currently. Up to this point Remus had had no clue that Snape could be half so good with kids; he’d certainly never displayed this level of ability when the two of them had worked at Hogwarts together.
Snape was finished with Remus’ feet in no time; though they were healing more slowly than the rest of his body, there was still marked improvement. He took more time with these appendages, carefully coating every inch of them in the healing salve and rubbing it in almost leisurely. These parts of his body were not ready for the scar solution, so when he was done, he layered the bandages back on and covered Remus with the blankets he’d drawn back earlier.
Severus changed quickly into a loose pair of pajama pants; he’d be able to catch a couple of hours’ worth of sleep. It would definitely be better than nothing. He double checked that the alarm on his wand was set correctly and sat on the edge of the bed, climbing beneath the blankets himself. He lay there for a moment, not touching Remus, waiting for some kind of sign from the other man.
“You’re not going to punish me, are you?” Remus stated more than asked.
“No. From my point of view, you have done nothing to warrant that.” Again, curiosity got the best of him. “What, exactly did you do wrong? What kind of ‘punishment’ do you believe such a thing should incur?”
Remus turned towards him a little. “I didn’t anticipate what you wanted, sir; I was too much of a coward to act. What do I think would be a just punishment? That I don’t know, sir. My old master would have thought all kinds of things fitting. He may have broken one of my fingers, or something more mundane like beating me until my eyes almost oozed out of my head. Maye he would have used my body, or else the ember hands spell; why not do both at once? But really he could do all of those things whenever he wanted, he didn’t need a reason.” Lupin’s voice came out very softly; he was looking in Snape’s direction but not directly at his face.
Severus took a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it in a lengthy exhale. He touched his fingers to Lupin’s arm lightly; the werewolf started at the contact, but let him do it, finally meeting his eyes.
“Did he use the Inuro Manus* spell often?” Severus asked, not sure he wanted to hear the kind of answer Lupin would give him while under the influence of that healing potion.
“More than I wanted him to; mostly when he was drunk. It was the only time he would really touch me, you know? He would run his hands over my body and they would be trails of fire. It doesn’t leave any marks though, do you know that?”
“Yes, I know. It only affects nerves, that actual damage is minimal; though the pain is intense.” Severus knew; he had experienced it more than once. In his mind it should have been another Unforgivable, it damaged the nerves in a similar fashion to the Cruciatus, though to a far lesser degree. It would take longer to drive a person mad with this spell, but it required that a person want to torment with their hands as the instruments.
Remus wasn’t meeting his eyes again. “It was the only time he would prepare me before making use of my body. I don’t know which was worse, when he did it or when he didn’t.” He looked up at Severus and, seeing concern on his face, thought carefully about what he’d been saying; things were just coming out of his moth, he almost didn’t hear them himself. “Of Merlin. I really shouldn’t have told you any of that, sir. What will you think of me?”
“You can tell me anything you like, Remus; I’ll not judge you for what another person did to you. How could I, when I’ve both endured and enacted many of the things you’ve been describing, and worse?”
Strangely, Remus chose that moment to meet his eyes again.
“I know that you were a Death Eater, master. I mean before you began to spy for Albus. Surely you must have enjoyed some of the things they did, or you never would have accepted the mark.” Remus figured that of all the things he shouldn’t have said, that was certainly at the top of the list.
“Yes, I did,” Severus said simply. “It was glamorous at first, and I’d never had anyone believe in me the way that Tom did. He thought I was gifted; he actually seemed to enjoy my company. Over time, it came to the point where I would have done almost anything for that approval; and then I did. Do anything, that is.”
Remus was still looking levelly at him; Severus hadn’t the slightest idea what he must be thinking.
“Some part of me loved having that kind of power over people; the kind people had always seemed to have over me my entire life. It took a long time, but slowly I sort of woke up; saw what I was doing, actually saw it, the way we reveled in the anguish of anyone who wasn’t one of us. Eventually, I decided to kill myself. I went to the Headmaster first, to tell him everything I knew. I never expected him to forgive me, to help me to work towards redemption, as impossible as that probably is. But he gave me hope for it.”
“Thank you for telling me all of that, master. I’ve known you for years and yet I don’t seem to actually know a thing about you.”
Of all the things Severus thought Lupin would say, that was definitely not it.
“The thing I am trying to get across is that I am no longer the same man who took the mark. I have had enough chaos in my life, what I’m trying to find now is some peace.”
“Peace, sir?”
“Yes, I believe so; I would like for you to have some as well.” Perhaps Severus could help give it to him, to both of them?
“This is the most peace I’ve had in years, master.” The look on Remus face confirmed it.
Severus settled in against him, slowly. There were only a few hours of possible sleep, he didn’t really care if he got them or not, to be honest. Remus shifted as well, trying to get comfortable; he ended up with his back against Snape’s chest again.
Snape almost couldn’t help it; he leaned in and placed two light kisses on the crux of Lupin’s good shoulder and his neck. He felt the other man shiver in response. Severus draped his arm over Remus’ ribs and drew him nearer.
“Did you enjoy your day with Teddy?” he asked, wanting to move on to something lighter.
“Yes, master. It’s been such a short time since you picked us up from the auction; he’s already so much more confident. I haven’t seen him laugh so much since he was a baby.”
“It makes me glad to hear that; children should be able to laugh freely and often. I believe it is one of the reasons we fought two wars.” Severus did believe that; he would never try to keep Teddy from feeling the joy only people his age were capable of. Absently, his fingers trailed across the line between Lupin’s pectorals, thinking how the other man was beginning to fill out rather well. Fred tended to have that effect on people.
Remus allowed this, trying to keep his breathing from becoming erratic, whether from nervousness or a wary arousal he wasn’t exactly sure. He wasn’t as frightened as he was the previous night at Snape’s proximity. Knowing that Severus was unable to force himself on him at the moment definitely helped, as well as his curious kindness.
Severus touched the skin just above where Lupin’s bandages started, feeling the near texture free surface of the scar tissue on his stomach. “Does it bother you when I touch you like this?”
“No, master; of course not,” came the automatic reply. There was no hint of malice in Severus’ voice, but one couldn’t be too sure.
“I’m not looking to hear what you think you should say, Remus. How do you actually feel about it?” Severus hoped that with the potion flowing through his system, Remus might be more likely to give him a straight answer.
“Apprehensive, sir; I can’t help but wait for that instance where you... decide that I have done something wrong. Or remember that you hate me and decide to give me what I deserve,” Remus shuddered at the mention of it. “But at the same time it’s wonderful, master; you’re in contact with my body, but you’re not taking anything from it, do you understand what I mean by that?” Remus didn’t care if he understood or not; just to be able to say something like that out loud to someone else felt very good. The idea that Severus might really want him to speak his mind occasionally and that he might actually listen to what was said was something he hadn’t considered before. Snape listening was really just a bonus, it was the fact that he didn’t lash out at him when he did it was the part that Remus found unexpected.
“Yes; I believe I do.” For the first twenty four hours after his medical treatment upon being found as a human pile of waste in the forbidden forest by Hagrid, he’d been unable to speak, unable to move. Albus had stayed with him the entire time, demanding nothing, holding his broken and bandaged hand loosely in his much older one. Though he had sneered at such things in the past, the Headmaster’s hand had been the only thing tethering him to reality that day.
“Is that okay?” Remus asked, glad in some ways that he wasn’t facing Severus.
“It is very okay,” Severus said. He continued, ghosting his free hand across Remus’ side. His other arm was under Lupin’s neck; he bent his elbow and brought that hand over so it was resting on the other man’s chest. “But I want you to tell me if it ever becomes more than you can handle.”
“What do you mean by that, sir?” Remus asked. Things that sounded like that usually didn’t bode well for him.
“I mean,” Severus said, laying another more lingering kiss on Lupin’s neck. “That if you want me to stop, anything, ever, at any point, all you need to do is ask.” He couldn’t help himself; Snape punctuated that statement with another kiss, this time on the other man’s shoulder. “I will stop immediately.”
“You can’t be serious; why would you do that?” Remus blurted.
“Would you really accept any answer that wasn’t ‘because it pleases me to do so’?” Severus asked sarcastically.
“I don’t know, sir; probably not,” Remus gave one short exhale of laughter.
Snape thought that laughter was good; it would mean that Remus was at ease, at least enough to allow a small amount of emotion through.
“Well then, there you have it,” he said in a falsely haughty voice. “Honestly Remus; I mean it.” He needed to give this disclaimer, his hands seeming to wander their own willful paths across Lupin’s body, trailing lower until the pads of his fingers stroked along the edge of his waistband.
“Yes sir, I’ll try to remember.” Remus really wasn’t sure if Snape was serious about that or not; how could he be? What would be the point of having a slave of his nature and then allowing them to decide what you could and couldn’t do to them? But apparently all Severus wanted to do right now was to have him close and feel his body carefully, to kiss his neck.
Remus was unsure what was expected of him in this situation; Macnair certainly had never done anything like this in the time he’d spent with the man. He couldn’t help but feel the unfamiliar resurgence of his arousal; he tried to keep it suppressed, not wanting to give Severus any encouragement to speed up the ceremony. At the same time he just wanted to lay back and allow these gentle hands to take him in completely; the idea that anyone would want this and nothing more from him was something his mind had difficulty processing.
Snape brought his hand up to rest on Remus’ hip, never completely removing his fingers from the other man’s form. He wanted to move slowly, give them both a period of adjustment; but time did not permit it. They had just over a week to become accustomed to each other and complete the ceremony. Severus knew he had to keep pushing them forward or they would never be ready in time.
“Would you be able to turn towards me?” Severus asked near Remus’ ear, his hand spread across Lupin’s bandaged stomach.
“Of course,” Remus agreed easily, slowly twisting his body around so he was facing Snape. “Like this, master?”
Severus’ one arm was still under Lupin’s neck; that hand wrapped around him and rested on his shoulder blade. The other hand rested low on the other man’s hip. He saw that Remus was looking at him warily; Snape imagined he had very little idea what he should be doing at the moment.
“Like that exactly;” Severus said. “Remus, I’d very much like to kiss you.”
Lupin couldn’t have looked more surprised. “If it would please you, master.”
“It would,” Severus said in a low voice. He leant in and placed a chaste kiss on Remus’ lips. He moved away in order to see the look on the other man’s face. Lupin had his eyes closed, his lips parted slightly.
Before he knew what he was doing, Snape had leaned in again, taking Remus’ bottom lip between his own. He drew his tongue slowly across it, creating a slight sucking pressure at the same time. He pulled their mouths apart only a little before bringing them together again, worrying Lupin’s bottom lip between his teeth carefully and leaving two smaller kisses to soothe the pleasant sting.
Severus laid back against his own pillow, taking in Remus’ breathlessness, the fact that he still had not opened his eyes or closed his mouth fully. If he hadn’t known better, Snape would have said that this was the other man’s first kiss. Perhaps in a way it was; his first since Walden. Not that Macnair had ever been one for such niceties. He moved his thumb deliberately to and fro in a calming gesture.
After a moment Remus closed his mouth and looked up at Snape with anxiety. Severus looked tranquilly back at him, not moving more than his thumb distractingly across his hip and curling one side of his mouth into what Remus could only call a sad smile. He felt like he was almost imploding with the effort of trying to figure out his master’s motivations; although when he thought closely enough, that actually seemed right. He’d been trying to figure Severus out their entire lives; he’d always wondered what drove the man and now here he was, almost afraid he would actually find out.
Still, he felt compelled to ask, “Did that please you, sir?” Remus knew his uncertainty was as plain on his face as a splash of red paint.
“You please me, Remus,” Severus said seriously.
“Me, sir?” Remus almost yelped. He found that impossible to believe.
“Yes,” Severus said simply. It wasn’t a lie; Remus was physically attractive and if he himself was willing to let go of some of the past, he could admit that he enjoyed the other man’s personality when he wasn’t too frightened to show it.
Remus looked steadily at him, not sure what he should say or do. He felt like a rabbit in a trap, his senses telling him something was wrong but having no idea what precisely the threat was. He supposed it was just the implication of what the other man was saying.
Severus brought his hand up from its place on Lupin’s hip, brushing some flyaway hairs from his forehead, allowing the backs of his fingers to trail softly along the other man’s cheek.
“Did it please you, Remus?” he asked, meeting Lupin’s eye.
Remus smiled shyly. “Yes-” A look of horror came over his face. “No- I.. I’m sorry master. Oh, I didn’t mean it; it’s this potion, sir.”
“Remus,” Severus said in the voice he’d always used to startle students out of their many teenage hysterics. He continued more quietly, needing to hear the answer for himself, “Why are you so upset?”
“Because, sir, I know I don’t deserve to feel that way. I am a vessel for your desires; I am to have none of my own.”
Severus looked at him blankly. Remus sounded like he was repeating something he had heard a million times, something he had been taught to say. The words fell listlessly from his lips and though he sounded as if he despaired of the words, there was no sense of mockery at all in his voice. He couldn’t actually believe this shite, could he?
“Macnair would discipline you if he knew you took anything positive from your encounters.” It was a statement, a summary. As if to wipe it all away, Severus brought his hand down Remus’ neck, resting his palm on his chest, over the other man’s racing heart.
“Yes master,” Remus admitted; he both sounded and looked totally ashamed. “He believed me to be a tool at worst, an animal at best. I do not know how you wish me to behave, sir. Had I admitted that to him, he would have cursed me, beat me, left me in the closet for days. I did not mean to offend you, master.”
Severus hoped that to some degree, this was the potion speaking. Regardless if it was influenced by that or not, Remus was experiencing this as his reality; he was almost obligated to say something in response.
“In no way does your happiness offend me,” he said firmly. Severus wanted that to be clear above all else. “Whatever Macnair believed, you are unquestionably human Remus; you were born that way and you remain that way for all but a small fraction of your life. You have the same emotional capabilities as me; the same nerves run through your body as run through mine.”
Remus looked at him for a moment, blinking rapidly. “Well then yes, master; it pleased me.” Lupin felt like he was taking a huge risk here, there was no way Severus could be serious about this. There was only the one way to find out, as far as he could see.
Severus gave him that halfway smile again. All he said was, “Good.” He leant in again, placing his lips over Remus’ again, encouraging him leisurely to open himself up to the kiss. He moved his lips to the other man’s jaw, kissing his way down his neck and ending at his shoulder. By this time, Severus was propped up on one elbow, looking down at him but in no way restraining him.
Remus gave a breathy sigh; this was more than unexpected. As Severus moved up to brush their lips together again, he boldly asked, “Do I have permission to touch you, master?”
Severus tilted his head slightly. “You always have permission for that, Remus.”
Lupin blushed under the intensity of the gaze he was leveled with. He brought his hand up to lightly caress Snape’s shoulder, though he withdrew twice before actually making contact. When Remus finally set his hand on his shoulder, his expression was so wary that Severus leaned in and kissed him again in hopes of erasing the look from his face.
“You’re doing wonderfully, Remus,” Snape said.
Lupin gave him a weak smile. “I haven’t really done anything, sir.”
“That’s a matter of opinion, I think.” Severus grazed their lips together once more, feeling Lupin’s fingers curl a little more tightly around his arm. “Perhaps we have moved far enough for tonight?”
Remus looked immediately upset, withdrawing his hand from Severus’ arm as if it had been burnt. “Have I done something wrong, sir?”
“No, not at all. I still have to go tend to your Wolfsbane; my alarm should be going off any time. I will be up around breakfast to help you get ready. Would you agree to sleep in my bed tonight?”
“Of course I’ll stay here; but you’re not going to sleep, sir?”
“Not tonight; tomorrow evening after the second phase of the potion is brewing, perhaps.”
“That was why you were so tired the other day.”
“Amongst other reasons, yes. The potion is very time consuming, as most brews of its caliber are.” Severus laid back against his pillow and brought his free arm back over Remus’ waist, running his fingers along the path of his spine.
“Thank you for taking the time to do that for us,” Remus said.
“It will be worth it in the end, no question. You are in no shape to undergo an unassisted transformation and Teddy – Teddy is a child; he shouldn’t have to face this without aid.”
“He’s done it before, sir. Our last master kept us apart for the full moon. It was bad enough for me in the cramped little hole he had me locked in, but for Teddy it was agonizing. He still didn’t quite comprehend what was going on yet I think; he didn’t understand why he was in so much pain or what happened to him afterwards.”
“Do you think he understands now?” Severus asked. He definitely hoped that the boy did; it was a frightening enough thing when a person knew what it was all about, but to have no idea what you really were undergoing must be terrifying.
Remus frowned. “I believe so; he’s so young, sir. He told him all kinds of things; you heard how Teddy thinks about himself. He thinks he’s a monster, an animal to be kicked; I never wanted that for my son, sir.” This potion was really going to be the death of him. Almost as soon as he had a thought he was spouting it out immediately, almost without discretion.
“Perhaps before I administer the first batch of his Wolfsbane I will have a discussion with him on the matter, see if we can’t clear a couple of things up.” Remus appeared to think this idea was dubious at best, if the expression on his face was any indication. “You should be there as well. I believe he would respond best to that.”
“You’re probably right, sir.” Lupin didn’t sound exactly thrilled about it.
“We’ll talk about it more another time, when you’re not under the influence.”
“You make it sound like I’m drunk,” Remus smiled.
Snape raised an eyebrow, sitting up and swinging his feet over the side of the bed with a sigh. He stood and straightened the blankets, walking over to the chair and dressing before putting his robe back on.
“You will be alright in here?” Severus asked, feeling the alarm on his wand buzzing; he always liked being a coupled minutes ahead of schedule.
“Yes, sir,” Remus said, privately thinking how nice it was to be in a room stacked almost floor to ceiling with books and finding that he didn’t mind one bit that the bed smelled of Severus.
“If you need anything, Fred will be able to assist you.” Severus performed the bowl evacuation charm. “Try to get some sleep.”
“I will, sir,” Remus agreed, settling in a little further under the blankets. It seemed absurd to him; Severus was going to spend a sleepless night while he rested in the man’s bed. Snape didn’t seem to be perturbed about it, though.
“I’ll see you later this morning; if I’m not up here in time, Fred will bring you something to eat.” Severus turned and exited the room, peeking in on a sleeping Teddy on his way down the hall.
*Inuro - To brand/ impress; to burn in

Manus - Hand
A/N: More to come, of course! Again, my Latin is laughable at best! Hope you liked the latest installment; please, let me know what you thought! I love reading your comments and notes. Thank you for your continued support, it means the world to me!
- 17
- 18
- 19
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Long Road