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Lost and Found	By : MistressLupin Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3616 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
A/N: Sorry it's been so long. If you read my other author's note you would know why. But here is part 19. I like this chpater a bit. I hope everyone likes it too.
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It was quite cool outside, for it still being summer. A soft breeze blew through the air and made the trees sway. In the very far distance,
traces of the setting sun could still faintly be seen. But the only light in the world at that moment was from the millions of stars that shone
in the clear sky above.
He hardly ever came outside, he preferred to be inside the dark walls of his home then to be outside surrounded by nature. But on this night,
Severus found himself sitting in the old, wooden chair with it's pealing white paint, on the back porch of his home. A hanging lamp light swung with the wind, every once in a while coming into contact with a pillar holding up the small porch's roof.
Severus leaned back in his seat, his hands holding onto the armrests, feeling tiny splinters pricking against his rough skin. Listening to the sounds of the breeze and branches of the trees, Severus looked out across the distance of the great sky. He couldn't remember the last time he actually just looked out there. He never just looked anymore, at anything, Severus observed and analyzed. But now, he was doing something he had long ago found him self enjoying; the nights he used to sit with Morgan on the roof of their flat, staring up at the stars.
He thought back to her, to what they used to have. Severus hadn't thought of her in that way in years, but since meeting Yuki, and driving all the old feeling out of himself, Severus would find himself reflecting on Morgan much more.
Often he would think of what would have happened if he hadn't of killed her. He knew that he would have been killed and then her, but he still wondered. He thought about how his life would have been different had he not joined the Dark Lord and had still had Morgan. Would he be happy now? Married? Have kids? All of those things sounded so strange to Severus, not at all like him. He never wished to be married, or to have children. He knew quite well that this was his life and he wasn't so sure he would want to have it any other way.
It had been days since he went to see Yuki. Once again Severus was avoiding her at all costs, especially now after their last legimency session. Severus had no idea why he had allowed Yuki to see his past. He couldn't fathom why he had allowed himself to be so weak to allow her into his mind and see what she saw. But maybe now she understood why he couldn't be with her, even if some part of him still wanted to.
There was no way, it was out of the question. There were so many reasons under 'no' and none under 'yes' that said it was a bad idea to be involved with her. Or better yet, for her to be involved with him. Severus had promised himself that he would never again be the cause of someones destruction, particularly someone he cared for. So he had made up his mind, that he would conduct himself in the most professional manner with Yuki. He would no longer act like a love sick school boy or like an arrogant bugger with a grudge. Tomorrow, he would go back to number twelve, and do that of which he was assigned, and nothing more.
The last of the orange glow had long since gone down. The white light of a million stars shone down on the dark shadow of Severus as he looked off at the sky. He would go inside soon, and get some sleep. And then in the morning he would get up, go to number twelve and see Yuki. And he would treat it like any other unhappy day he ever had. This was his life; it would be no different.
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The window was open, probably the only open one in the house that night -Mrs. Weasley had had all the children go around number twelve and close all the window as it was expected to be a cool night.- and Yuki sat on the small bench next to it looking out. She could see in the distance the lights of the city. Part of her wished to go see that city. She hadn't seen much since being at number twelve, and she didn't know how much she had seen before being at number twelve. And Yuki so desperately wished to get away, even for a moment, just to see something besides the confining walls that trapped her.
Now, more then ever, she was wanting to get away. There was nothing for her at number twelve. Though she knew there was nothing on the outside either, she figured there had to be something more. Yuki just wanted a change, something to take her away from all the crazy reality she was facing. Not knowing who she was, and in the quest to find out, finding someone else, was not what she had expected. In a few weeks time, she became more lost then when she knew absolutely nothing of herself or the world around. Yuki just wanted to feel some sense of conscious and conceptual security.
She had had a brief brush with sanctuary -or so she had thought- with Severus. He had made her feel safe even when he said she was in more harm with him around.
Yuki couldn't get the images of him and Morgan out of her mind. She had seen what had taken place between them and the thoughts scared yet comforted her. A strange mixture of feelings. She knew Severus would never do that to her. He had no reason to and even so he still wouldn't. That person wasn't him anymore. Yuki wished he would see that, but had lost all hope that he would.
She had come to terms with the fact that she and Severus would never be. It might have been fate that brought them together, but the reason was not for the affair of love.; there was something else, something Yuki didn't understand. Whatever it was, Yuki was still glad for it, glad that she had met Severus. She would never forget the time they spent together, the one extraordinary night where she felt she actually belong somewhere and wasn't so lost. It was ripped away so fast. But Yuki could still feel the curious affliction of Severus as she had that night.
Sighing deeply, Yuki breathed in the cool air of the night outside her window, and exhaled a warm gust out. In the distance a light flickered out. It was late and most all lights were going out. Yuki waited in the dark of her room. She took in all the shapes in the dark, remembering that the dresser was on the south wall and the table on the right. None of the things in there were hers, and she constantly remembered that this was not her home. She didn't even know if she had one. But even if she did, she knew that she couldn't stay at number twelve forever. And the sooner she left, the better for everyone.
The few lights still glowing in the city seemed to twinkle. Yuki tried to think of what each light was. A bakery, a school, maybe the light of a family's home. When all the lights inside number twelve were out, and the last few footsteps had long ago trudged into their room and ceased for the night, Yuki glanced one last time out the window, and got up to close it. She picked her coat off the rack and put her arms through, buttoning it up high. Yuki grabbed her light bag off the floor and swung it over her shoulder. Taking the folded note out of her pocket, Yuki placed it on the end of her bed, resting on the old patched up quilt Molly had lent her. And as quietly as possible, Yuki opened the door to her room, and stepped out, leaving it open a bit for the others, and left.
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Thanks for reading. Please take a moment to review.

~Lara
- 18
- 19
- 20
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