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Envy and Manipulations	By : rrabbit Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Ginny Views: 8376 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters from it.... therefore I do not receive any payment for this writing.

Chapter List
- 18
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I've always liked you in red.

Tom's voice filters through my head and I try to shake it off. I can't stand it.

I will show you...

Queen Ginny.

I blink hard a few times but my vision is blurry. I clench my eyes shut and then let my head roll to the side as I try to get up.

Just get up.

There's an odd tickling along my chest and then...and then I feel it. The painful sharp burn starts on my stomach and when the pressure gets hotter... I scream.

"I'm sorry." That's Draco's voice and I try to open my eyes again as the pain keeps going, slicing across my body in thin ribbons. My chest. My arms... My neck... My shoulders... "I have to do this. I know it hurts, but I have to."

His voice sounds sharp and upset.

If I didn't know any better I would say that he sounded pissed.

I scream again when I feel the pressure against my thigh. I know I'm bleeding. I know I'm covered in open wounds, but I just can't move.

Blood is what binds us.

"It hurts," I whimper as the burning feeling inflames my whole body.

"I know..." That's Draco's voice again. When I feel a hand on my face, I try to open my eyes but there's smoke... too much smoke.

Smoke and green flames and blood.

He presses something to my lips and when the coppery taste slips over my tongue, I spit it out.

"You have to drink it."

I shake my head.

Blood is the most important thing.

"Babe, please, you have to drink it."

I won't.

"You have to," he say a little more firmly as he pushes it into my mouth again. The copper tasting liquid spills over my tongue and before I can spit it out, he covers my mouth with his hand and plugs my nose. "Swallow it, Ginny."

I have no choice in the matter.

It feels like I'm swallowing nails. Slicing my throat to pieces in the process. Once it's down, I get only a moment of peace before I feel a fire start to burn my chest into a red hot poker. It begins in my stomach and itches its way up my body. I start clawing at my throat, trying to get it to stop, to deaden the pain... but it keeps going. It keeps burning until I feel like I will never be whole again.

I can imagine my blood dripping from the open wounds as my body becomes engulfed in flames. I feel my right arm shaking uncontrollably as my body is overcome with the heat.

I scream loudly when someone lifts me from the ground, igniting every wound into a white hot fury that feels like hell.

I can barely breathe... it feels like something is covering my mouth and nose and I can't catch my breath.

"I've got you," I hear Draco say against my temple. "Just keep breathing."

I can't.

I hear shouting and screams and yells of desperation.

"Just keep breathing," he says before darkness pulls me back in unconsciousness. "Just breathe," he says before blackness takes me.

Just breathe.

Just breathe.

Why is that so difficult all of sudden?

When I wake... Wake... I wake because I'm alive. I wake because I have to and when I blink up at a familiar cracked ceiling, I feel a frown turning my face down.

What's happening?

Aunt Murial's guest bedroom at Shell Cottage fills my senses. I glance around at the light peach walls and flowered curtains as my body lays prone on the bed. I can hear the sea outside of the cracked window and I shake my head... trying to focus my mind to get up.

Just sit up.

My movements are slow and sluggish as I bring a hand up to my forehead. My long bangs are out of my face and when I touch my hair... I feel two french braids... tight against my scalp.

That can only mean one thing.

Mom.

I sit up and hiss in pain when my whole body aches in protest. I blink back a few tears and I swing my legs over the side of the bed. It's a chore to move and I clench my eyes shut for a moment before taking a cautious look down my body.

I'm wearing a large set of striped pajamas that do not belong to me and I stare at the terrible yellow and pink fabric for a moment before making a face. With sore and slow movements, I slowly unbutton the top to show my torso. There are white bandages wrapped all around my stomach and chest... even my upper arms and thighs.

What?

Dread pools in my stomach at what that could mean and I bite my lower lip so hard I feel like I might draw blood.

Blood.

There's always freaking blood.

I've always liked you in red...

I shake off Tom's voice and start peeling back the bandage by my shoulder. When I see the symbol there, sliced into my skin, I narrow my eyes. Everything in my body screams in protest as I stand up and drag myself to the carved mirror embedded into the wall to check them out.

There are sea shells and star fish etched into the peach colored walls. They seem to dance as I step across the wooden floors with a pain induced snarl on my face.

I ignore them.

I pull back the rest of the bandage that reaches down to my collar bone once I reach the mirror. It looks like some kind of ancient rune had been carved into my skin with a scalpel and I frown deeply at the thought. The cut is red and shiny in the sun, just starting to heal over in a scab.

I'm sorry. I have to do this. I know it hurts...

Draco's voice floats in my mind and I quickly put the bandage back when I hear a toilet flush. I don't know what to expect, so I grab a nearby horse decoration to defend myself as the door knob starts to twist.

I hold my breath, expecting the worst, until the door swings open to reveal my mother. She's holding a cup of tea and she freezes in the door way as her dark eyes get wide. I stare at her, still holding the figurine like it would protect me from whatever darkness was lurking just beyond.

There's no shelter from the darkness. I should know that.

She drops the cup, letting it shatter against the ground with her mouth open in shock. Then she comes running towards me...

"Oh, my girl," she starts to cry as she embraces me in a firm hug. I drop the decorative horse. "My poor baby!"

I scream when she holds me too tight because of the pain in my body and she backs up quickly like I had burned her.

"I'm sorry!" she says. She stands back and covers her mouth with both of her hands as she looks me over. "You're awake!" she drops her hand and smiles, her eyes swimming with tears that roll down her cheeks.

My mother has lost weight since I last saw her and the roots of her once vibrant hair are starting to show shades gray and white. It looks like she's aged ten years from the last time I saw her on the train platform and I wonder if my life has had the same affect on me.

I wouldn't doubt it.

"We weren't sure if you were ever going to wake up!" she starts sobbing as she takes my hand and holds it in between hers. I try not to squirm from her touches. "I'm so happy." she's crying so hard I can barely understand her words. "I... Oh... Ginny, I'm so glad you're okay!"

I'm not okay. Not really, but I don't want to ruin her happy moment so I nod my head, letting a little smile turn the corner of my mouth. It feels wrong on my face.

"Yeah..."

That's all I say. That's all I can say and she wipes off her face with the sleeve of her cardigan before shaking her head.

"You should lay down," she says as she comes behind me and starts ushering me back to the bed. "You need your rest. After all you've been through."

I give her a suspicious look. I wouldn't put it past Tom to do this to me. To make me believe I was safe with my mother just so he could show up and crumble all of those dreams with one cruel word.

He's evil like that.

"What are these marks on my body?" I ask seriously, not ready to believe she's real just yet.

My voice sounds weird and scratchy. I don't like it.

"Draco Malfoy did some very complicated blood magic," she whispers. She pushes me into bed and props up the pillows behind my head.

It reminds me of the books he was always reading but never told me why. All those books about blood magic and runes and spells... I narrow my eyes at the thought of him keeping me out of the loop yet again as my Mom stares down at me.

"Your brothers were yelling at him something awful, but it saved your life," she says as she sits down on the bed and moves her hand to my forehead like she was feeling my temperature. I gently push her away, not wanting to be touched. "I think you should keep them for a few weeks... before we heal them," she whispers as she looks into my eyes, putting her hand on my cheek again. "To make sure the magic sticks."

I resist pushing her hand away again.. she just looks so happy. I can't take that away from her. Not if she's real... not if this isn't some terrible prank on my mind.

"How are you feeling?" she asks. I spare her a little look that makes her swallow the question bitterly. "Yes, silly question. How about some tea?"

That's a very Mom question to ask. Whenever there's anything serious happening in someone's life, my Mom will suggest tea... Like she needs the distraction because she just couldn't handle the heaviness of real life.

When in doubt, make tea.

"Why are we here?" I ask, looking around the room once more.

This cottage was part of my childhood, a safe haven from summer days spent at the beach. When the Dark Lord would rape my mind, he would have seen this at some point. The time when I was happiest in my youth, before he came and tore everything apart with his demented ambitions.

I could see him wanting to ruin this memory for me, so I scoot away from my mother and start biting my fingernails.

"It's an Order safe house, dear," she smiles at me and tucks the cover carefully around my body. I study her face, trying to find some lie in her voice. "One of the safest in the country."

Right.

"Where is everyone?" I ask, like I expected my whole family to come rushing in to welcome me.

I roll my eyes at the thought. I should know better than that even if this is real. If there was a totem pole of importance, I would be solidly placed at the bottom.

"There's been a... situation," she says carefully and I give her a hard look because I am in no mood to be babied. "At camp Lux. They're going to try to liberate it," she gives me a weak smile. "You-know-who still has his strong hold—"

"Is he dead?" I ask sharply, my body suddenly cold and shivering.

She doesn't say anything for a few moments and then she starts crying again. "Ginny, I am so sorry for what you've been through!"

She reaches out to touch my hand and I slyly pull away so I can chew on my nails some more.

"He's not dead," I say flatly and she shakes her head after staring at me for a few long moments.

I retreat more into myself as I lean against the headboard with my thoughts getting darker by the second. I imagine Tom and all of the terrible things he had done to me and all the terrible things I wish would happen to him...

Why won't he just die?

Why won't I just die?

"I hope you don't mind," she whispers and I glance at her. She opens the wicker night stand by my side and pulls out my note book. That gets my attention and I sit up. "While you were asleep... I read..."

I snatch it away from her and she looks surprised by my sudden movement as I pet the cover and flip through the pages to make sure it's intact.

"So you know what happened," I say flatly as I cradle it to my chest once I'm sure it's alright. I glance at her again as she nods her head, her eyes watering.

"We tried so hard to get you away from him," she says and I don't really believe that, so I look away. She's starts crying hard, so I look at the window, uncomfortable by her emotions. "We couldn't get past his wards... they were too strong. We tried... all of us tried."

She cries for a while and I let her hold my hand before I pull back again.

"Your father is going to be so relieved," she whispers. I glance at her as I think of my Dad with his glasses and silly love for all things muggle. "He has barely slept... we barely slept... since you were away from us."

"You must be tired then," I say sharply and she swallows hard before fiddling with the covers, smoothing out the crinkles so she has something to do with her hands.

I don't say anything after that and a thick silence hangs in the air.

"Did he hit you often?" she whispers after a life time of waiting and I wince at the memory of him smacking me in front of Order members and Death Eaters alike. "I saw... at Folk Hills... the way he..." she trails off like she was too upset to keep going and she wipes tears away before continuing."Did he do that a lot?"

"Only twice," I answer because it was true and there was no point in lying about it. It was already bad and she had read my notebook, so she knew.

"That's two times too many," she says, anger making her voice high. "That man deserves terrible things!"

She starts ranting about how terrible Tom is and I watch her as she spits out the hatred for the Dark Lord. My Mom. My Mom who I haven't seen in over half a year. My mom who I barely recognized anymore.

My mom.

When she looks at me again, I stare into her brown eyes for a few moments... eyes that people say I have... I find them to be genuine in their emotions. She really is my Mom. I don't think magic could fake that look and I feel the tightly wound coil in my chest start to loosen when I realize that this is real. I'm with my Mom and I'm away from the Dark Lord.

Hitting me wasn't the worst thing that he did. I look at Mom again as she spits out hate for Tom Riddle and I bite my lower lip.

Should I tell her about the thing that never happened?

That's how I think of it anyways.

I don't like giving it a name and I never wrote it in my notebook so she doesn't know anything about it. The r-a-p-e word is like a cancer in my mouth and I can't bear to say it out loud. I flinch at the thought and worry my lip between my teeth a little harder.

Maybe I should tell her. It would be good, I think... to tell someone... I never wrote it down because that would make it too real... but... I sit up straighter and let her take my hand again. I have no one else to talk to about it, anyways. The Dark Lord had killed Dr. Carol because of me... and I can't... I should tell her...

Maybe she'll try to hold me. I don't think I would push her away this time.

"Mom..." I say her name, sounding like my old self with my voice soft and gentle.

She stares at me as I try to find the courage to admit the humiliating truth, but she beats me to it.

"After reading your notebook... I was so sad, Ginny," she's still talking and I hold on a littler tighter to my notebook. "I was so sad about what happened to you... all the terrible things you had to see... you had to live though..." I nod my head.

It had been a lot to go through and there was even more to divulge. Even more to hate about it...

"I can just thank God nothing worse happened..."

That catches my attention and I look at her. I really look at her. Her eyes are questioning as she says that to me... she looks so sad.

"At least you're alive," she whispers in a broken voice. "At least you are safe with us now, away from him and that terrible life... it could have been worse."

I stare at her for another long moment before I feel the tears tickling the corner of my eyes.

I realize now that I will never be able to tell my mother about the thing that never happened.

My lower lip trembles pathetically and I nod my head. "Yeah," I say with a short head nod as my fingers pick at a thread in the cover until it unravels. My voice is thick with emotion now, and I cough to rid it of the sadness as I give her a small smile. "It could have been worse."

She looks relieved for half a second before going on about the Dark Lord and what a horrible person he is as I lay back and stare at the ceiling.

"When the boys get back," she says as she touches my cheek again. "They are going to be so pleased to see you. We have all been so miserable with you gone, but now maybe we can find some light in this darkness."

I don't respond and she squeezes my arm.

Now, at this moment, I realize I can never tell anyone in my family about what else happened with Tom. I would never be able to tell them that he forced himself on me because I don't want to break them like it had broken me.

War was different. People were fighting, dying by curses, hits... pulls... slaps... that was okay to talk about. Sexual violence was a whole other level and I just knew I would never tell them. It was going to have to be my private pain. It was easier to keep a secret than admitting to it.

So I just nod my head and let her rant on.

Thinking of Tom makes me think of that house and thinking of that house makes me think of... Henry..

I have my notebook... so they had to have been able to get it out of Riddle Manor somehow.

They got my notebook when they could never get me.

The bitterness makes my heart go cold, but when I think of my furry little cat, I can't stay angry.

"Where's Henry?" I ask. He could be dead in that house. I sit up and look around me like he could be hiding somewhere in the room. "Where's my cat?"

I start to panic and I even go to get out of the bed, ignoring my mother as she raises her brows in surprise.

"Where's Henry?"

"Hold on," my mom puts her hand on my shoulder. "We have him."

She gets up and when she comes back into the room, she has a grumpy looking Henry held awkwardly in her arms.

"That boy with dark hair was able to get him... and your trunk," she says, nodding to the wall where I guess my trunk is, but I don't care. I reach out for Henry and smile when he hops on my lap. "A secret keeper was killed during the fight. The wards were broken." she explains.

I hold him against my chest and kiss his head as he wiggles in my arms uncomfortably. I'm holding him too tight, he wants to get away... but I don't let him and he meows in displeasure as I huddle him against me.

I forget about my mother as I start whispering to Henry... because... because that's how I've been doing things for a while now, and I don't know how to talk to my Mom anymore. I can feel her staring at me and I look up from scratching Henry's stomach to see. She's staring at me so oddly now... like she knew... like she knew I wasn't the same and I never would be.

"I'm..." I lick my lips as I look back down at Henry's head, petting his back. "I'm tired," I tell her because I want her to go away.

"Of course..." she nods her head with her voice odd and light.

"Could you... can I go to sleep... on my own?"

"Of course," she repeats, giving me an uncomfortable smile.

When she leaves, I get up to look out the window with Henry still pressed against my chest like a rag doll. A few seconds later my door busts open. Henry jumps under the bed as I turn around in defense.

It's Daphne Greengrass with her face all aglow.

"You're back!" she calls as she comes towards me and hugs me tight. I yelp in pain and she backs away quickly. "Sorry!" she calls as she pulls me so we're both sitting on the bed. "Your mother said not to bother you, but I just had to come see."

I look her over as she gushes about how happy she is now that I'm awake. Her hair, once long and curled, is now cut short, almost to the nape of her neck and when she sees me looking, she touches it.

"Oh," she says as she narrows her eyes. "At the battle of Hogwarts a death eater singed off my hair. Singed!" she shouts in anger. "Can you imagine! Singed off my lovely hair! I had to cut inches off to make it normal looking again. Inches! I smelt like burned hair for days! It's taken ages to grow back" I can tell she's pissed off about it and I actually start smiling just because it's so ridiculous.

So many died during that battle and here she was, bitching about her hair.

"I have to say," she says as she looks at me. "I think you are the only person who gained weight during this war."

I raise my brows, my lips turning into a firm frown as I look down at my body.

"What?" I ask flatly and she's quick to recover.

"Not in a bad way!" she says as she reaches out to touch my arm. "It's just... you were getting so skinny last I saw you. You looked like... like a skeleton... Now you're a normal weight. That's all.. that's all I meant to say."

"Well," I say sharply as I cross my arms under my breasts. "Lord Voldemort kept me well fed," I say bitterly and she realizes her error and apologizes quickly. "Why aren't you with the others?" I ask as I spare her a glance. "Isn't there a coup or something happening?"

"I'm not a fighter," she admits as she taps her fingers against her knee. "I just kind of got in the way at Hogwarts. Not all of us are meant for war. Your Mom's been taking care of me," she says, giving me a smile. "My parents... they took my sisters into hiding right after Christmas," she says, her eyes turning sad as she looks at me. "I haven't seen them since. I don't know where..."

"Is Pansy here?" I ask to cut her off because I don't want to have to comfort her about not seeing her family. I feel like a bitch but I honestly can't care about it right now. "Are the rest of yours friends?"

"Pansy's still alive. She's fighting with the Order," she says. "She's a good dueler. You haven't seen what she can do," she says, her eyes lighting with fire. "Millicent died..."

"I saw that," I tell her honestly and she nods.

She starts naming off the others... Who lived and who died and what happened while I was away for so very long. Draco and Blaise survived, of course. Cho still lives and so do her parents... A lot of Draco's group managed to live through the battles that had went down over the course of the long months I was locked away but a few had perished...

Everything dies eventually. I just hope Tom Riddle will fall into a very terrible death very soon.

I look out the window as she talks non stop and wonder how the sea would feel against my skin. I'm like a new person.

New person, new mind... new skin.

But she just keeps talking. It's like she has to fill each moment of silence without the help of someone else contributing to the conversation. Daphne has always been a talker and I guess I can't fault her for going to the one thing she knows best. It must be very awkward to talk to me now.

When in doubt, talk.

"I want to go outside," I say, cutting her off and she stops short.

"Um..." I start to push off the bed and I bend down to get Henry.

"Come here, you," I say as I pull him to me from his hiding spot under the bed.

He bats and hisses as I tug him out and I just laugh at him as I start out of the room with Daphne hot on my heels.

"Um, Ginny... are you sure you're okay to go outside?"

"I'm fine," I say flatly as I hop down the stairs.

I know my way around Shell Cottage.

We used to come here when I was a child and I could run my way through these halls with my eyes shut if I had to. I know all the rooms and all the hallways by heart. Thinking of my younger days makes me think of my brothers... and Charlie...

I shake off the thought of his dead body as I cuddle Henry close.

A part of me wishes I would have never woke up.

Mom's in the front living room with Bill's wife, Fleur. When she sees me walk past, she gets up and calls my name. I ignore her and keep walking until I get outside, not even bothering to spare her a glance.

Once the fresh air hits my face, I pause and close my eyes, tilting my head up to the sun.

I take a few moments to just take it in...

It feels like freedom.

"Who else is staying here?" I ask after a couple minutes because I know Daphne and my Mom are behind me.

Watching me.

Staring at me.

Feeling bad for me.

I let Henry hop out of my arms to explore as I glance behind me.

"Just us right now," Daphne answers because my Mom is just staring at me in the saddest way. "Most of the men in your family stay here... and your brother's wife and child," she adds. I know she's talking about Fleur.

"Child?" I say quickly once I realize she said that and Mom nods her head.

"You have a niece," My mom says with a weak voice. "Little Victoire."

I let my cold exterior falter for a moment when I think of the new family connection before letting myself shake it off.

"Who's still alive?" I ask flatly. My voice is sounding very cruel, but I can't help it. I don't know any other way to be anymore. "I know that Charlie..." I stop when I think about it.

How he fell. How it took two seconds for the Dark Lord to kill him. I look for Henry again and find him playing with some drift room. I go and pick him up... he wiggles in my arms, but I don't let him go.

"Your father's alive," Mom says quietly, tears threatening to fall again as she watches me walk back towards them. "Bill," she swallows hard like she was reliving some terrible memory. "George... and Ron..." She starts crying again and she pulls a tissue from her pocket.

That meant that Percy and Fred were dead. That meat that three out of six of my brothers had died during the war and I hated the Dark Lord all over again.

"How?" I ask, sending a little look to Daphne as she crosses her thin arms, watching me like I was a circus attraction.

"F-Fred..." Mom starts sobbing and Daphne pats her arm.

"I think Fred died during the battle of Hogwarts," she answers for my mother. "Something fell on him," she says and Mom shakes her head and mumbles something about going to the loo. She disappears inside and Daphne waits for the door to close before she steps down to get closer to me and Henry. "Percy was killed during the siege at Folk Hills..."

"The siege?" I say, blinking against the light. "That's what you're calling it?"

She doesn't say anything for a few moments and I turn back to the sea, looking at the rippling waves. "Granger is at Malfoy Manor if you want to see her," she says like it would please me. "She's probably sleeping. She sleeps all the time," she comments.

I feel something bitter in my heart at the mention of Hermione, but I try to stamp that down because it isn't fair. It's not her fault everyone thinks she's more important than me.

I lick my lips and start walking towards the water. I let Henry jump from my arms because I don't think he'll appreciate it.

Daphne comes behind me as I roll up my pants. "Where does Draco stay?" I ask timidly, trying to act like I don't care.

"There's a camp at Yellow Springs," she says as I walk towards the sea. "A few houses survived the destruction." The destruction? I missed a lot. "Most of the rebel army stays there... Malfoy Manor is set up as a medic station." I glance at her and she smiles. "I know, can you imagine, Mrs. Malfoy... dealing with all those sick and wounded people!"

She snorts in laughter and I smile a little too at the thought. How ridiculous it seems.

"The fireplace here is connected to those two places. You turn the knob once for the Zabini's home at Yellow Springs, twice for Malfoy Manor. The line is closed to all other outside connections," she explains.

Malfoy Manor... it makes me think of Draco, envisioning his handsome face hovering over me and smiling down.

Why isn't he here right now?

"What is camp Lux?" I ask as we walk towards the water. I close my eyes when I feel it crash against my legs.

How wonderful it is to be outside.

It's been ages.

"My mom said... that's where everyone is... they're trying to liberate it?" I fumble awkwardly, trying to remember what she had told me.

"Camp Lux is where the Dark Lord was holding all the undesirables," she says softly. "Some of them were prisoners of war, but most are patients that were deemed unfit for life. The ones taken from St. Mungos..."

"Like Blaise's Aunt?"... And Neville's parents, I mentally add, but don't say because I'm not sure Daphne would care.

"Yeah... I guess so," she says with a head nod.

I don't say anything else as I stand in the ocean. I close my eyes and let my head fall back again. I didn't even realize I was crying until Daphne put her arm across my shoulders.

I slink out of the embrace awkwardly because my skin feels like it's crawling when someone touches me.

"I thought Draco was going to go mad, you know," she whispers as I quickly wipe my eyes with my sleeve. The tight braids are starting to hurt my head, so I carefully undo them as she keeps talking. "When you were taken. He's so particular about his plans... he didn't foresee that happening. He was a mess and Draco hardly lets himself get that way..."

"Then why did it take so long for anyone to help me?" I ask sharply once my hair is free and tumbling down my back. She raises her brows.

"We couldn't get to you. We tried..."

"Not hard enough," I cut her off and she licks her lips. "I have this stupid thing," I say as I hold up my arm to show the bracelet. "He knew where I was..."

"The wards..."

"The only reason anyone helped me was because of Hermione. If they didn't find her... I would have rotted in that place... with him..."

Just thinking of Tom Riddle and his red eyes makes me shake and I try to stomp down my fear as I swallow hard and look at the horizon.

"Why do you think she let herself get caught?" she whispers and I spare her a little look before the door to the cottage slams open.

"Ginny!"

George comes running from the cottage, straight towards me. My heart leaps to see my brother alive and happy to see me... but when he gets closer, I see what he intends to do, and I hold up my hands to stop him.

"Don't hug me," I warn him when he gets close enough and he stops at arms length. "It will hurt."

I learned that lesson.

"It is so good to see you," he says, leaning in to grab my face so he can kiss my forehead. Emotion swims in his voice "It's been too long."

"I agree," I tell him.

He pulls back and smiles down at me, his smile crooked with sadness. He must miss Fred a great deal.

I miss Fred a great deal too. I will never see him again... or Percy... or Charlie... The sadness is so thick it nearly makes me want to fall into the sea and drift away. I never get to say goodbye to anyone.

"Gin!" There's another yell from the house and I swallow my depression as Ron comes running towards me. Harry Potter is hot on his heels, looking very serious. "We thought you would never wake up..." he has his arm in a sling and a rather nasty looking cut is across his forehead.

"But here she is..." George says as he motions to me. "Looking as radiant as ever."

He looks at Daphne and winks.

She blushes.

I frown and turn away.

"How did the... thing go?" I ask awkwardly as I cross my arms after Harry gives me an odd sideways hug. He looks different somehow. Darker... older... I barely recognize him. "The camp thing."

"We lost a few good men," George says seriously. "But we were successful," I see a smile tilt the corner of his mouth. "The camp is ours."

I guess that's a good thing. I look to Ron because I haven't seen him in so long, and he gives me an awkward smile.

"I take it.. everyone we know is okay?" I ask softly because I don't think I could take anymore bad news right now.

"In a way, yeah," Ron says, rubbing the back of his neck as Harry stares at my profile like his life depended on it. I push some hair behind my ears when I feel his stare on me like fire."Dad is fine... Bill is fine..."

I look at George and he rolls his eyes at the bland way in which Ron is speaking.

"And Draco?" I ask.

I don't know why I keep asking about him. I'm starting to sound silly.

"Malfoy's alright," Ron answers dryly.

"And Zabini?"

I don't know why I'm asking about him either.

"He's great, anyways..." Ron reaches out and squeezes my arm. "How are you?"

"How are you?" George snorts at the question and then he hits Ron's head with his back hand.

Daphne laughs.

"Are you seriously asking that question?"

"Well..." Ron's ears burn and he gives me a sheepish look.

"Well..." George mocks him and I give him a little smile. I had missed my brothers. It's been too long since I've seen them. "It's not like she was a prisoner of war for half a year. So dense, this one," he says, nodding to Ron.

I don't really know what to say, so I just nod my head.

"Dad's inside, nursing a pretty terrible curse to his leg," George tells me. "He'd really like to see you, Gin."

I nod my head again.

I'm being so terribly awkward about all this but I can't help it. I've been away from them for so long I don't know how to be around them anymore.

It's like meeting a new person.

I follow them inside and I find my father sitting in the living room. His leg is propped up on a foot rest and Mom is trying hard to heal a nasty looking cut on his leg.

"Dad?" I ask, hardly believing he's real.

He puts on his glasses and gives me the largest, goofiest grin I've ever seen.

"Ginny Bean!"

I wince at the nickname, remembering when Tom used it. I walk towards him as I try to banish all thoughts of the Dark Lord from my mind. I will not let him bother me any more.

Before all of this, I would imagine the old Ginny would run to my father and hug him tightly around the neck... overcome with happiness.

I don't do that.

Instead, I give him a side hug to not hurt my wounds and his eyes start watering as he hugs me back.

"How's your leg?" I ask quickly so he doesn't start crying as well.

I couldn't take it if my father was crying around me too.

I take a seat on the foot rest in front of him where his leg is propped up, bandaged and smelling of medicine.

"It will heal," he says as he reaches forward to squeezes my hand. "Most things heal with time," he says, giving me a crooked smile around his crooked glasses.

"Do you think that's true?" I say quickly, hopefully, and my cheeks heat when I realize everyone is staring at me.

Time is all I ever seem to have.

"Of course it's true," my father says with a sad smile.

I nod my head and bring a hand up to my neck as I fold back into myself.

"It's so good to have you back," he says honestly. "Are you hungry?"

I can't help but smile a little at that. It's a very Weasley thing to ask.

When in doubt, eat.

"I am actually," I admit as my stomach growls.

"Your Mom made a plum pie yesterday..."

"She would hardly want something like that, Arthur," my Mom chastises. "Probably something more substantial. How about I make you a nice meal, dear?" she says, looking at me earnestly. "I could whip something up."

"I'm hungry," Ron adds and George hits his head again.

"You haven't been in a coma for three days, idiot," George says. "You can wait."

Mom shakes her head at my brother's behavior before looking back at me.

"I could make you some soup or heat up some chicken..."

My mom's voice sounds stronger now than before because she's in a position she's comfortable with.

When in doubt, cook.

"I actually would like the pie," I say softly because I never had anything sweet when I was stuck at Riddle Manor.

No dessert puddings or cake was available to me and I just realized I would give my left kidney for just one slice of plum pie.

"Would that be okay?" I ask softly as I look around me. They're all staring at me, like they were waiting for me to snap and start biting their necks.

"Of course it would," Dad says and then he looks at George. "Get your sister pie!"

"Do you hear that, Gin?" George says as he gets up to do as my father says. "I've been ordered around like a bloody house-elf since you've been gone."

He smiles as he goes towards the kitchen and I start biting my nails as a silence falls over the room.

Conversation only starts back up again when George comes back into the room with a plate of pie and a fork. He hands it to me with much ceremony and my eyes devour the dessert as my tongue starts to water.

How long it's been since I had something sweet.

I go to take a bite, but I stop myself.

Something doesn't feel right.

With out even thinking, I get up and walk myself into the kitchen. I take a seat at the dining room table and I put the plate down in front of me. I grab a napkin, putting it across my lap, pausing a second as I glance at the chair I'm sitting in. This one won't trap me if I don't eat.

Thanks goodness.

I lick my lips once before carefully cutting a piece off with the side of my fork. I close my eyes as I take the first bite and I feel my whole body relax when I swallow.

It tastes like heaven.

When I open my eyes, I look towards the doorway where everyone is standing... staring at me like I was a circus freak. Even my Dad with his bad leg had gotten out of his seat to watch me and I take my napkin and wipe off my mouth before explaining to them my odd actions.

"I'm sorry," I say because the way they're looking at me makes me feel wrong. "I'm just... I'm so used to eating at a table."

Because I had been trained that way.

My father limps into the room and when he gets right by me, he puts his hand on my shoulder. "You can eat where ever you damn well please," he says, his voice firmer than usual. "You can grind your crumbs into your sheets if you wanted. No one will stop you."

"I guess being kidnapped by Lord Voldemort gives you all kinds of free passes," George jokes before Fleur, of all people, hits his chest to shut him up.

I nod my head and give my father a thankful smile.

I don't move, but everyone else takes seats around the table.

"Might as well have some myself," George says as he cuts himself a slice from the pie at the center of the table. "Payment for labor," he says, giving me a smirk.

I glance around me as I finish eating the pie. My Mom, Dad, George, Ron, Fleur... Even Daphne and Harry... it all just seems so surreal to me. Eventually, Bill comes blazing through the fireplace with a baby in his arms and he introduces me to his daughter with enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm I try hard to match, but I fall short awkwardly.

With each tick of the clock, the more comfortable I become with the family I had loved so much.

I spend the rest of the day in the living room, speaking with my family like the war wasn't happening and life was beautiful. After a while, I started to feel more like my own self even with the sad cloud hanging over the room of a family half taken by death.

By the time the sun set... I was all in line to forgive each and every one of them for what I had viewed as their indifference towards me. Even though we had all changed in different ways over the course of this war...Sometimes being with them felt like it did before... before when things were right and happy and true.

Even Fleur didn't seem to annoy me.

"Would you like to hold her?" Bill had asked after his child was done nursing from his wife's chest. "Aunt Ginny," he teased and I shook my head.

"Not really," I admit as I stare at the little bundle in his arms. "I might drop her or something..."

"You won't," he says as he places her in my arms like I had no say in the matter.

I never have a say and I sigh before looking down at her.

She has blonde hair like Fleur but there's something in her features that is dominantly Weasley. That thought pleases me and I feel a little smile tug the corner of my mouth when she opens her eyes.

She's still so new.

It makes me think of myself from the beginning of the summer.

How very young and silly I was then.

I lean down and place a kiss against her head, inhaling that wonderful baby smell that makes me feel warm.

My stomach turns and I look up only to find everyone staring at me once more.

I pass the baby off quickly and go back to trying to blend into the background. My safe place. As the hours pass, my father finally pulls me to the side to speak to me about my time at Riddle Manor. What happened to me, what potions I was taking... what conversations I had with the Dark Lord.

I couldn't handle it and I think he realized that right away because he backed off and offered to play a card game with me, but I just couldn't do it.

There were too many people.

"I'm going to bed," I say quickly before picking up Henry and practically running upstairs to the room I had woken up in.

I slide into bed and pull the covers over my head as I clench my eyes shut and breathe in deeply. In and out.

In and out.

Just breathe.

Henry fights his way out of my cover cave and once I'm by myself, I curl my body into a ball, trying to make myself as small as possible.

When in doubt, disappear.

I start thinking about Draco as I fall into my own thoughts. His absence right now is weighing heavily on my heart and before I know it, I feel tears running down my cheeks. It's so ridiculous. I need to stop crying so much... I thought I was all out of tears anyways but I guess I was wrong.

It's like a Ginny Weasley Manifesto...

When in doubt, cry.

It took two more days before I saw anyone outside of my immediate family that wasn't Daphne Greengrass or the random Order member that would show up.

Half the time I wouldn't know who they were and I rarely got a moment to myself.

It was kind of irritating, actually. I went from total solitude at Riddle Manor, to constantly being in the company of two or more people at all times.

It was exhausting.

I finally broke away from my brother's, who are playing some kind of board game in the front room, to catch a moment to myself in the kitchen.

I make myself a cup of tea and I take a seat at the kitchen table, staring at the dark cuts in the ancient wood as I hold the cup between my hands. My thoughts are all over the place and weird. Halfway between logic and insanity and I just wish... I just wish I had that record player with me so I could lose myself in that music from Riddle Manor.

I had built quite an imaginary life in those songs.

I take a sip of tea and relax my body. I've taken off the bandages because they were itching my skin, but the wounds are still fresh and sometimes they burn.

They burn right now, actually.

But I've honored my mother's wishes and I will not have them healed...not until we're sure the magic holds. Maybe then she'll stop keeping vigil at my bedside each time I fall asleep for the night. It's like she thinks I'll never wake up again once I close my eyes.

Sometimes I wish that was true.

The fireplace flames to life after a few minutes of peace, and I stand up quickly when I see the two men in the grate... they look like men now...

I feel a blush staining my cheeks as Blaise and Draco stand on the other side of the table.

"Hello," Blaise talks first with his brow raised in amusement as he takes in my surprised face.

Like there wasn't a war to be fought.

His hair is even shorter than I remember it ever being and he's wearing a dark outfit with some kind of cylinder tube strapped across his chest like a satchel.

"Nice to see you among the living."

"Shut up, Zabini," Draco says firmly and I glance at him.

He's looking handsome as always. It makes my heart ache... and then an overwhelming anger courses through my body. Why is he here now? It had been days since I've been awake and here he was, acting like it was nothing.

Blaise rolls his eyes and then Henry scurries out from under the table to welcome them.

"Henry, you old thing," Blaise smirks as he picks up the cat.

I watch Draco as he glances at the cat. He's wearing a pair of dark slacks and a light weight blue shirt that has three buttons at the top. He looks so put together, even if his hair has an unkempt look a little too messy for a Malfoy. I look down at the old stripped pj's I've been living in and feel shabby.

He always makes me feel that way.

"You're getting fat, Henry," Blaise says, weighing him up and down in his hands like he was a scale. I can feel Draco staring at me, but I try not to look at him as I focus on Zabini."They need to stop feeding you."

"Stop holding him like that," I whisper as I walk around the table to correct him because I can see how unhappy Henry is. "Hold him normally."

Zabini snorts. "I remember saying something very similar to you," he says with a twinkle in his eye as he looks at me. "How he has grown on you," he says as he looks down at the cat. "Like a fungus."

I laugh a little at the comparison and he glances at me.

"You were able to liberate camp Lux?" I ask because I have nothing else to talk about and I know something more must be resting behind that liberation for Zabini. I look at Blaise and only Blaise because I can't look at Draco.

He nods. "Indeed we did. Fought like savages and reaped the rewards."

"Was your aunt there?" I ask and his smile falters for a second with real emotion. "Is she alright?"

"I came for your brother, Bill," he says, handing Henry off to me as he lifts the cylinder holder wrapped around his chest, ignoring my question. "Have some blue prints. It's all about the rebellion," he says, putting his fist in the air in mock salute. "Hoorah and all that, right?" He flicks a glance to Draco and then he nods his head. "I get it. I'm going."

Then he leaves and Henry follows after him, leaving Draco and I to ourselves.

"They told me you were awake," he says and I spare him a little glance as I go back to my tea cup. "I was going to come earlier..."

"Did something more important detain you?" I ask and my voice sounds terrible. Mean and cold.

I bring the cup to the sink and dump out the remaining tea.

"No," he says flatly. "I thought you would want some time with your family before I came and demanded all of your attention."

Demanded.

I drop the cup in the sink and it clatters loudly. I know he was trying to make a joke, but it fell flat on my ears. I couldn't stand the thought of that word anywhere near me.

I turn on the water and start to clean the dishes that had gathered throughout the day just so I have something to do with myself.

A long silence falls between us and he walks towards me, his boots clicking against the polished floor. "I can heal you," he whispers as he gets closer to me. "The marks.. on your body..."

"Mom says I have to keep them on for another week or so."

"You've been awake for days. It will be safe for me to heal them..."

"I don't want you to," I end up saying coldly and then I bring my hand up to my forehead.

Why am I being so mean to him when I so easily forgave everyone else?

I can feel him standing right behind me as I wash the dishes and then he reaches a hand out and runs it up my arm.

"Don't touch me," I whisper and he pulls back quickly.

A very long and heavy silence runs between us, the tension so thick in the air it almost suffocates me.

"I'm sorry," I say softly, letting my shoulders sag with the weight of guilt.

I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't know what I want to do.

"Why..." I stop and turn around so I can face him. He's standing so close that it surprises me and I lean back against the sink.

"Why what?" he asks as he looks over my face.

I try not to be affected by his closeness and I look away, to the picture behind his right shoulder. A barn in the country with chickens in the yard. How very kitsch.

"What is it, Ginny?" he asks softly, gently, deeply, sweetly.

I inhale a shaking breath. I never even wanted to touch the subject with anyone else, but Draco was different. Draco knew the kind of evil the Dark Lord was and he could have matched it.

Draco could have saved me, but he didn't.

"Why..." I bite my lower lip and then start knotting my fingers together. "Why... Why did you leave me with him so long?"

He doesn't say anything to my pathetically delivered question and I bring a hand up to my forehead as I try to make sense of it.

"I know he's the Dark Lord and it would have been hard and everyone else would..." I shake my head and then look him in the eyes. He looks so cut off right now... so cold and emotionless. "But you are always so confident and so sure. Was that part of your plan? To let me rot in that house..."

"Of course not," he says sharply, his eyes narrowing at the thought. "That was never my intention. If you wouldn't have signed that damn contract-"

I push him back so I can get away from him.

I actually wanted to smack him, but after the Dark Lord hit me... I knew that it was wrong to strike another person in anger... no matter how angry you get.

"That's not what I meant," he says as he steps back and then he pinches the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb. "I meant... I tried to make it so you wouldn't have to sign anything like that. That's why I killed Rookwood so soon. To cut off that tie. I didn't expect the Dark Lord to make you sign it himself."

He inhales deeply and lets his hand drop.

"You didn't try hard enough," I say hatefully and I feel like I just took a knife and stabbed his heart with it by the way he's looking at me.

He walks away from me, back to the kitchen table, and I watch as his fist clenches by his side.

"Do you realize how hard it was for me to know exactly where you were, but not able to get to you? His wards were too great. Only two people were approved to enter... himself and Richard Yaxley on rare occasions," he says, sparing me a sharp look over his shoulder before facing me fully.

I glare.

"Anyone else would literally catch on fire if they passed the trees to that manor. Can you imagine what it was like for me to see the house in the distance, knowing you were inside, but having no way of getting to you... no way of helping you..."

"I can imagine a fate worse," I snap at him with my eyes wet. "Because I was living it. How terrible it must have been for you when I was living with it every day!" I shout at him and he shakes his head.

He grabs the back of a nearby chair, his knuckles white against the wood.

"You could have figured something out, but you didn't," I snap, blaming him for everything in the world. "You could have sent me a message, a note, to let me know I wasn't totally alone. Something to let me know that I wasn't drowning on my own, but you didn't! All that I got from the outside world to let me know someone had me in mind was a cat!"

"A cat?" Draco says with a clueless tilt of his head. "Nothing could go inside of those wards. You don't think we tried!" he shouts at me and I hear the talks in the other room go silent.

We have an audience now and I turn around to face the sink again.

"This is all your fault," I hiss at him unfairly and there's a long pause before he starts talking again, his voice tight and full of anger.

"You hate me then," he says flatly, his voice low. "After all this, you hate me."

"Who am I supposed to hate?" I snap as I look at him again. "The Dark Lord? I already hate him. He's evil, Draco!" I yell and I know the others are listening in rapt attention. "But I don't love him. I loved you and you failed me."

"You're not being fair," he says, his eyes starting to water, but no tears fall.

So very Draco.

"You're never fair," I tell him, my eyes burning with emotion. Unlike Draco, my tears fall down in streams. "I guess I learned that from you." I go back to the dishes, but I stop when the anger makes my hands shake.

I slam down the tea cup and it shatters in the sink.

"You never told me I could say no." I spin around to level him with an accusing glare. "I always believed things were out of my reach... the things that were happening to me just had to happen because I had no way of stopping it." I inhale deeply. "You let me believe I was weak."

He flicks a glance to the door way.

"Let's talk somewhere else," he says. He walks towards me like he's going to take my arm and I back away from him. "Everyone is listening."

"Then let them listen," I say flatly and he clenches his jaw, backing away with his eyes narrowed down at me.

"I never thought you were weak," he says harshly. "I never told you that."

"But you always led me to believe I couldn't control anything. I can. I can control everything in my life and you never wanted me to know that..." I wipe away a stray tear. "Because you wanted to control me, because it benefited your plan."

He doesn't say anything for a moment and then he looks away.

"That's not true, Ginny," he whispers so the others won't hear. "I have loved and protected you the only way I know how." He puts his hand on his neck and he looks out the window. "Now you act like you finally see me for what I truly am and you're disgusted with it."

"And what are you?" I ask flatly and he looks over my face.

"Don't you know already?" he asks sharply and I shake my head. "I don't know what you want me to do," he says softly, his resolve melting as he relaxes his clenched fist. "I have done all that I could..."

"I want you to love me enough... I wanted someone to love me enough," I add for the others listening. "To save me first!"

"What do you think I've been doing this whole fucking time!" he shouts, his anger back and something drops in the other room. "I don't know any way else to be," he says in a soft voice as he glances back at the door. "I don't know what I can say to you."

"Then don't say anything," I snap.

He takes a step closer to me and looks deeply into my eyes. The sun shines in from the window and hits them in just the right way, making them shine like steel.

"After all this time apart, I feel like my feelings for you only burned greater... but I see yours have cooled considerably," he whispers, his voice sounding wounded.

He takes another step closer to me and brings his hand up to rest on my neck. I don't push him away, but I don't give him the benefit of looking into my face anymore. I clench my jaw and turn my head towards the window.

"Look at me," he pleads and I spare him a little glance. "I'm sorry," he says softly before bending down like he was going to brush a kiss against my lips.

The door opens, and he pulls back quickly.

"You two are making quite a ruckus," my Dad says as he hobbles into the room with a wooden crutch under one arm to help him walk. "Let's take a break, shall we?" he smiles as he looks between me and Draco. "Mr. Malfoy, I suspect you have something for me?"

"Yes," Draco steps even further back and pulls an envelope from his pocket. "From my father," he adds as he hands it off to my Dad.

Of course.

I feel the anger pool in my stomach again. He didn't come here to talk to me. He came here for that.

I inhale a sharp breath and Draco looks at me again with his brows furrowed.

"Thank you, Draco," Dad says as he stuffs the letter in his breast pocket. "You should stay for dinner," he says and I shake my head, hoping my father sees it.

He doesn't.

"Come," my father gives us a quick look. "Let's talk in the front room."

Dad walks back out, leaving the door open for Draco to follow. He looks at me once more with his head tilted to the side.

"See," he whispers flatly. "Your father likes me."

I swallow the lump in my throat and watch him leave. When the door closes, I turn back to the sink and put my hands on the counter. I inhale a deep breath and let my head drop until the door opens again.

My Mom and Daphne walk in with matching looks of sympathy and my cheeks burn because I know they were listening.

"Hi," I say flatly as I go to walk out of the room, but Mom stops me, giving me an odd hug that I don't participate in.

When she pulls back, she cups my face in her hands and gives me a sad smile before glancing at Daphne. The surrogate daughter she replaced me with while I was gone.

"Why don't you help us cook?" she offers and I look at her with my eyebrows raised. "It would be fun."

No, it won't.

"I'm making onion soup," Daphne tells me with a grin. "It's world famous."

"I didn't know you cooked," I whisper suspiciously.

The thought of Daphne doing anything in a kitchen is kind of comical.

"I don't really, but your Mom's been teaching me how. I like it," she smiles at me. "Can you imagine...me a cook?"

I feel that unjust bitterness at her words and I clench my jaw. I'm so easily replaceable it's ridiculous.

"I'm going for a walk," I snap as I turn to go out the door.

"Don't go outside the wards!" Mom calls after me as I leave the room.

I grab a pair of shoes, ignoring the eyes that are on me as I go outside. I decide to go the opposite way of the beach. No too far behind the house is a thicket of trees, a small woods of sort, and I take off, trying not to focus on the burning hot rage in my chest.

There are birds chirping above my head as I disappear between the trees and I keep walking until I reach the edge of the wards.

I take seat on a nearby log and stare out ahead of me.

Seeing nothing... hearing nothing... feeling nothing... a thing I used to do at Riddle Manor to pass the time. Become a piece of furniture with no thoughts or feelings. I would prefer to have no thoughts or feelings, actually.

They just get in the way.

I pick up a dried leaf by my foot and I hold it up to get a better look a it. It's dead, brown and crunchy. I narrow my eyes and use wandless magic to lift it in the air in front of my face. I sit further back on the log with my hands supported behind me as I watch it turn in the air.

I lick my lips and then set it on fire.

The flames burn green and I watch as the leaf burns and crumbles into nothingness.

Like me.

"Ginny?"

I panic and my magic dies, making the burning leaf fall to the ground. I get up quickly and stomp out the fire with my foot so I don't inflame the whole forest.

"What?" I snap at Harry even though I know he doesn't deserve it.

"Your mom wanted me to come get you," he says awkwardly and when I finally look at him, he's staring at me with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn denim jeans. "Dinner's ready."

"Already?" I snap and he checks his watch.

"You've been out here an hour," he says and I blink a few times.

It didn't seem like an hour.

"Oh," I shake my head and step over the log. "Alright then."

I fall into step beside Harry as we head back towards the cottage. Being this close to him makes me realize how tall he's gotten this past year. He's almost Draco's height now and I look up at him as we walk through the trees.

"What?" he asks as he glances at me. "Is there something on my face?" he asks quickly, bringing a hand up to his face.

"No," I shake my head and stop walking. Harry Potter, the heroes of heroes... "Harry," I lick my lips and he stops walking as well. "If... If I was your girlfriend," I start and his cheeks inflame. "I meant, if you really loved me... Would you have done everything to save me from the Dark Lord?" I ask.

Harry was so good at saving people. Between him and my brother and Hermione it would only take them a couple of days to come up with a good plan. Why hadn't they saved me?

"I would have tried my hardest even if I didn't love you," he says, his face so red it's almost steaming. "We were all trying, Ginny. No one forgot about you," he whispers.

I nod my head, but don't respond.

"What was it like for you?" he asks and I spare him a glance.

"What was what like?" I ask flatly as I glare at some trees like they owed me money.

"To die," he whispers. "I did too, you know. Only for a little bit." I shrug and he runs a hand through his messy hair. "It was like a dream," he admits. "I was on the train platform... only it was bright and white and I talked to Dumbledore."

I narrow my eyes. Even in death Harry gets more attention than me.

"I had a choice to go back or stay..." he trails off and I clench my fists so hard that my nails break the skin of my palm.

"I never had a choice," I bite out harshly before taking off towards the cottage.

Story of my bloody life.

We walk the rest of the way in silence and when we enter the kitchen, the smells of a well cooked dinner fill my senses.

I know it smells good, but there's something that is making my stomach turn.

"Are you alright?" Mom asks with her hand on my arm and I open my eyes, nodding my head.

"Of course," I whisper before taking a seat beside my father. Harry sits down at the empty place to my left.

Everyone filters into the kitchen when the food is placed on the table. We're just a happy little family with Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini. The collection is almost comical. Draco takes a seat across from me and I find him in deep discussion with Bill about some kind of Quidditch game that happened years ago.

It warmed my heart to see it, but when he looked to me, I turned away quickly.

I wasn't ready to forgive him.

I wasn't sure I could.

"Harry," I whisper as I turn to the boy who lived.

He just took a drink of milk and some of it was left on his upper lip. So adorable, that Harry Potter.

I make a motion to it, and he blushes before wiping it off quickly. "Oh," he whispers.

"When will Hermione be okay?" I ask him seriously. "She's been at Malfoy Manor for a while now, right?"

"They cursed her pretty badly," he answers in a soft voice as he picks up his fork. "But she'll be okay in a couple of days."

"I should visit her," I say with a frown. "Daphne said that she let herself get caught for me. Is that true?"

He nods his head and goes to explain, but someone cuts him off.

"The place where you were held was too well guarded," my father says and I look at him in surprise. I didn't realize he was dropping in on my conversation. "And you were never let out," he looks at my mother before looking at me. "We needed to do something that would get you away from that house."

"The Dark Lord made it known that he wanted to capture someone from your past," Zabini cuts in after my father hesitates. I give him a look too because I didn't ask him. "I think you know why," he says as he levels me with a look. "He had a point to prove, did he not?"

Just wait and I will show you... Tom's words of depression ring through my head. Take something they care about and they will come running.

"He was manipulating you, Gin," Draco says gently, but I refuse to look at him.

"I didn't ask you," I snap at him and an odd silence falls over the room.

Like they were all surprised I could be so rude.

I can't help it. He's like Tom. He manipulates me just as much.

"What about that first time?" I ask, looking at Blaise. "When Harry's Aunt and..." I trail off, looking at Harry as he clenches his hand around his fork. What a terrible thing to remember.

"I didn't know you were going to be there," Zabini admits as he looks around the table. "If I had known it would have been different. You weren't let out after that but he started talking about wanting to find someone you knew... someone important to your family."

I will show you...

"Hermione volunteered," Harry whispers after a few moments. "He would have killed me... Hermione is very well known in their circle. They could spot her from a mile away," he says as he looks down at his food.

"I didn't..." I trail off feeling stupid with Hermione's screams echoing in my head. "I feel so terrible." I whisper to myself as put my spoon in Daphne's famous onion soup.

"You shouldn't feel bad," My mother says gently. "You've been through enough."

I take a little sip of the soup.

Then I inhale deeply as my stomach turns.

I try again, taking another spoonful of the world famous soup that burns on the way down.

My stomach twists in pain.

I put the spoon down.

"Are you okay?" Daphne asks me from my left as I close my eyes... the smells...

I take a quick drink of milk and then I feel it come back up, so I put my hand over my mouth and swallow it all down.

"Yeah," I croak out as I bring a hand up to my forehead. Why am I sweating? "I'm just not used to so much spice in a my food, I think," I lie as I swallow hard.

I might throw up.

I cover my mouth again when it starts it's upward track.

I swallow it all again, but the feeling isn't going away.

I open my eyes, only to see Draco looking at me with a worried frown on his face.

"I don't..." I inhale again as I go to stand up. Draco stands up too and everyone gives him an awkward look for it that makes him back down. "I don't feel well," I admit.

"It looks like your famous soup is going to make Weasley literally ralph all over the place, Greengrass," Blaise says with a chuckle in his voice as he lifts his glass in her direction. "Bravo."

I can't stay.

I scoot my chair back, making it whine against the floor. I get up and start running.

I make it all the way to the hallway before I start throwing up.

I hate throwing up... it's like dying from the inside out and when Mom comes to help, I cling to her like a child. She smooths back my hair and whispers words of love in my ear before pulling me up and bringing me to my room. She gives me some kind of potion as I lay against the pillows, sweating buckets in the sheets before falling into a fitful sleep.

When I wake up, my hair is french braided again.

I quickly take them out.

I'm not that girl anymore.

It took me one week to be brave enough to go visit Hermione.

Thinking over my life and what I had lost made me realize that I owed Hermione a lot. I wouldn't be with my remaining family now if she hadn't let herself get caught and I needed to swallow all my bitterness and thank her for it.

We all made sacrifices after all and since my family refused to acknowledge mine, I would acknowledge hers.

I want to bring Henry with me, so I tie a ribbon around his middle and use it like a leash so I don't lose him when I'm there. I stand in front of the fireplace and stare at the grate for a few moments.

I have no idea why I'm so nervous to see her.

It's silly, after all that's happened, but I feel my stomach twisting and turning with fear as I put my hand on the knob.

I had taken my time getting ready this morning, putting on a nice dress and a jean jacket to cover the marks on my shoulders. I even put on a bit of make-up so I didn't look like a child...make-up that Daphne helped me with so I didn't look too over done.

She called it my 'day face'. I wasn't totally sure what that meant, but I rolled with it. I tied my hair back in a bow to keep it out of my face and it took me half an hour until I was satisfied with my appearance.

I was acting like a weird-o.

I shake my head and turn the knob for Malofy Manor.

The grate flames to life and I step into it.

The magnificent front hall of Malfoy Manor is bustling with people running back and forth, holding medical supplies and talking about the camps that the Dark Lord is losing to the Order. No one really notices me as I pull Henry a little tighter against my chest and push my way through the crowd.

All of the splendor and wealth had been stripped from the walls, leaving Draco's amazing ancestral home looking quite bare and cold. I have a feeling it's all stored away somewhere for safe keeping... each painting, silver candle stick... vase... I can see them locked away in a vault for protection.

Much to chagrin of the Dark Lord, I knew that the Malfoy fortune was still intact somewhere. A Death Eater had gone to the pit for it.

I wonder where it is.

After searching around and running into no one that I know, I find rows of white beds lined up in the large ball room. Dozens of men, women, and children are lying down, nursing wounds and curses to their bodies as people in green robes run around them like it was St. Mungo's.

I spot Hermione right away. Her ball of frizzy brown hair is hard to miss and I swallow hard before walking towards her.

I'm wearing a pair of wedge sandals that Ruth Davenport had me buy. Surrounded by all these people with their illnesses, I felt ridiculous so dressed up and I regretted it instantly.

She's asleep as I approach her bed and I press my lips against Henry's head as I walk towards her.

She looks horrid and her skin is so pale it looks like all of the blood had been drained from her body. Even her lips are white and I feel so guilty for all my bitter thoughts as I put Henry down, holding his ribbon leash tightly in my hand as he crawls under her bed.

I take a seat by her cot and look her over with my eyes starting to water.

I hate war.

After a few moments, her eyes start to flutter and she blinks a few times before focusing on me.

"Ginny?" she whisper, her voice rough and low.

I nod my head. "Hi," I say like an idiot.

Neither of us say anything for a while as her eyes start to droop shut.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles. "I have so many potions in my system right now."

"I..." I trail off and then cough to catch my balance. "They told me what happened," I say as I reach out to take her hand. It was the first time I initiated contact with anyone since I've been back. "They said that you let yourself get caught."

"You shouldn't have been with him that long," she says in a soft voice. "It was the only way."

"I..." I fumble with my words as I stare at her little frame. She looks so much thinner than I remember and she looks so ill. "Thank you," I tell her, swallowing hard and she gives me a little smile.

"You look well," she says as she tries to push herself up, only to fail miserably. I get up to help her, but she stops me. "It's alright. I'll just lay."

I nod my head and sit back down.

"What did they do to you?" I ask, staring at her from the corner of my eyes, guilt thick in my stomach.

"It doesn't matter," she says as she closes her eyes. "Things heal eventually."

Right.

"You're brave, Hermione," I whisper because it was true.

"I saw what you did at Folk Hills," she says after a few moments. "I think you just might be the bravest person I know... and I know Harry Potter."

I laugh a little before frowning. "I'm not brave at all," I whisper and she glances at me before closing her eyes again.

"That's not true," she says with her words slurred.

Then she falls asleep again and I wait a few moments before looking around the room.

There's blood, missing limbs, people screaming and crying.

I can't take it anymore. I take Henry and his homemade leash and practically run outside. I hate war and death and all things associated with it. After this is all over, I never want to see another battle. I never want to be around wars or curses or liars or Lords.

I just want to be normal.

I'm such a selfish idiot.

I speed walk until I reach the edge of the large grounds, with the ward fence just a few yards ahead of me.

Once away from all the people inside, I can finally breathe. I let out a breath that sounds like a sob stuck in my throat.

"You're blocking the sun."

I snap my neck around when I hear that voice and I drop Henry. Blaise is lying in the grass just beside me with his legs crossed and his arms behind his head.

"Get out of the way," he says with a smirk playing on his lips.

He's wearing sunglasses, so I can't make out his eyes, but I'm sure the mirth reaches them.

"Sorry," I mumble as I pick up Henry's leash before I realize I shouldn't be apologizing to him when I'm the one trying to run away. "What are you doing out here?"

"What are you doing out here?" he counters as he gets up on his elbows, letting his glasses fall down so that the sun shines into those golden eyes of his. He looks at Henry and a little laugh leaves his mouth. "Do you have my cat on a leash, Weasley?"

"I don't want him to run away," I admit in defense as Henry hops on Zabini's chest to rub up against him.

He laughs.

He laughs and he laughs and he laughs.

He actually laughs so hard that he takes off his sunglasses to pinch the bridge of his nose like it was all to much for him.

"I know, real funny," I say as I pick up Henry to protect me. I resist kicking his side as he sits up and holds his stomach "Keep laughing."

"I'm sorry," he says as he wipes his eyes and puts his sunglasses to the top of his head, pulling dark curls away from his face. "It's just that you have a cat on a leash." He laughs again. "It's just so funny."

I don't say anything, I just give him a sour look as he laughs at me.

"Why don't you take a seat?" he says, patting the spot beside him. "Keep me company."

"I don't want to sit with you," I tell him flatly as I put Henry down and tug him along with my ribbon. "You're mean."

He laughs again."I am mean," he says with a head nod. "One has to wonder how I hold any friendships."

"One does wonder," I say grumpily and he smirks.

"Come on," he says, patting the grass again. "Let's hide away from the war together."

I hesitate a moment as Zabini looks up at me, his eyes squinted against the sun shining from behind me. He did let me have Henry... he did tell me I could say no. There was more to Blaise Zabini than the irritating boy I always thought he was.

I lick my lips before taking the offered seat by his side and I let Henry roam around as he lays back on his elbows again.

A silence falls between us and I spare him little glances as I try to figure out the riddle that is Blaise Zabini.

"Have you noticed," he says as he nods to a tree nearby. "That one looks like a vagina."

Okay, maybe there's really not so much to him.

He laughs at the way my lip turns up in a sneer and he pushes my arm. "It's true, look at it."

"You're gross," I snap at him as I cross my arms, thinking that I was an idiot for sitting with him.

"That might be true," he laughs and I send a glance to the tree in question. I can kind of see what he's saying, but I wouldn't dare give him the pleasure of knowing that. "Why do you look so disgusted?" he asks with a grin.

"I hate that word," I say honestly.

There is nothing pretty about the V word and it makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.

"What word?" he asks ruefully and when I glare at him, he laughs again. "Why?" he questions with a brow raised. "Would you rather me say cunt?"

I cringe. "God, stop it," I say in disgust and he laughs.

"You're in possession of one, are you not?" he asks and my cheeks heat. "Why be so disgusted with something you own?"

I don't want him thinking about what's under my knickers... or what my private spot might look like.

His voice drops to a lower tone when he speaks again and it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "I bet you taste like honey," he says in a quiet voice, barely above a whisper as his hand comes up to finger the ribbon in my hair. "You're so sweet."

I push his hand away.

"I'm hardly sweet," I counter because the implication of what he just said is making me very uncomfortable.

He snorts. "Perhaps with a side dish of bitchy to help it go down," he says and I narrow my eyes before I let them soften...

Then the corner of my mouth starts to turn up in a smile as Zabini watches the progression across my face.

"Why are you smiling?" he asks curiously with his head tilted. "Haven't I offended you to the point where you need to go stomping off in the distance like a spoiled child?"

I shake my head with a laugh dancing on my tongue and I turn back to the trees.

"Everyone has been handling me with safety gloves," I admit to him as I draw my knees up to my chest. "It's kind of nice to know that you've remained stubbornly bastardish."

"Bastardish?" he says with his lips pursed. "I'm not even sure that's a word."

"It's not," I tell him flatly as I pluck a clover from the yard. "I made it up just for you."

"Aren't you kind," he replies as he sits up so he's even with me. "You might of forgotten that I once saw you spit on the Great Dark Lord," he says and my face falls when I remember the incident. It was right before the jerk of a man smacked my face. "I'm pretty sure a girl with that much gumption can handle herself pretty well."

"One would think so," I whisper.

"One knows so," he counters and when I look at him, he smiles again.

"I came here to see Hermione," I say as the hot sun beats down on us. It makes the jean jacket I'm wearing itch, but I won't take it off. The marks on my skin are red and ugly. "It was horrible."

"Don't think about it then," he says with a shrug.

I shake my head, but don't say anything to that. Perhaps he's right.

He licks his lips as he looks over my face before facing forward.

"You know," he says as he dusts something off of his jeans. "Malfoy is inside right now."

He nods back to the Manor and I look at it over my shoulder... the big menacing mansion on a hill.

I don't respond and he pulls out a small metal case from his pocket. I watch as he clicks it open, revealing his cigarettes all lined in a row. I roll my eyes as he pulls one out and lights it with the end of his wand before handing it to me.

"I don't smoke," I tell him, trying to refuse the cigarette but he pushes it on me until I'm forced to hold it.

"You do today," he says before pulling out another for himself.

As with everything else in my life, I'm awkward. so I watch what Blaise is doing as I bring it up to my lips. I cough when I inhale a whole lung full and practically spit out the smoke on the exhale as Zabini rubs my back in an all too close for comfort way.

I push his hand off of me and scoot away.

"You'll get used to it," he says with his smoke dangling from the corner of his lips as he speaks.

Once I master the whole smoking thing, I flick my ashes on the ground as I watch Henry play in the grass. Of course, I start thinking about Draco, because I always think about Draco and I watch Zabini as he runs a hand through his dark hair.

"Have you ever been in love before?" I ask him because... I guess I don't know why I asked.

Half of me wants to run inside and jump on Draco... kiss him and hold him and love him... Have him comfort me because things are so bad... Talk to him about Hemione...About my brothers who are dead and the war that's being fought... But another part of me can't even stand the thought of being the same room as him.

"I love myself a great deal," he says as he puts his hand on his navy v neck.

"You know what I mean," I mumble as I snuff the cigarette out on the near by rock.

I'm not much of a fan.

"I find that love makes fools of us all," he says with a sigh as he goes back to resting on his elbows. "And I hate being made a fool of."

"Don't you love Pansy?" I ask, remembering their tumultuous relationship over the past year and how it had affected Parkinson.

"No," he says with no hesitation and I give him a troubled look because... Because I know how Pansy feels about him.

"Then why do you lead her on?" I ask softly as I hug my knees to my chest, staring at his profile like my life depended on it.

"Because she loves me," he says plainly with a half shrug on his shoulders. "And that makes me feel good. It's kind of intoxicating, you know... When someone keeps coming back after you treat them like shit."

I make a face. "That is horrible."

"I never said I was a nice guy," he counters quickly as he tilts his head.

"You're not," I say flatly and he laughs as I pick a blade of grass.

Another silence falls between us. I start thinking of my relationship with Draco and how he's treated me. Lying, keeping things from me...

"Do you think Draco thinks that way about me?" I ask in a half whisper but he hears it.

He shakes his head and tosses his lit cigarette in a patch of weeds in front of us.

"You want to know what I think?" he asks and I nod my head."I think Malfoy is inside right now planning a war that he never intended on fighting with people he never intended on helping," he says seriously. "For a girl who refuses to fucking talk to him."

I glance at him because he sounds so... so unlike himself that it makes me pause.

"I think you've been viewing this whole year from the wrong angle," he adds. "Don't get me wrong... Malfoy is a terrible person. He's lied... cheated... killed people..."

It sounds terrible when said out loud and I nearly cringe at the thought.

"He's manipulated your feelings so you would do as he wanted and he's trapped us all in this stupid fight that none of us give a flying fuck about," he inhales deeply.

I turn my body to his so I'm facing him full on.

"He's fucking mean and a domineering bastard, but you knew all of that when you decided to fall in love with him, so you can't claim ignorance on that now. You knew he was an arrogant son a bitch when you started dating him."

"What's you're point?" I snap harshly, burned by his words.

"I wasn't lying to you when I said that you should be grateful that he's so nice to you.," he says as he leans up and moves closer to me so his face is right by mine. "His kindness to you is not an act. He just treats you better than he treats everyone else. It was kind of refreshing, actually, to see him not glare at someone all the time."

I stare at him as he brings his hand up to my hair like he was going to touch it before quickly letting it fall.

"I know he's had his fair share of sharp words with you, but you can trust me when I say that your fights have been tame. I've seen..." he trails off and shakes his head like he was remembering something unbelievable, but he doesn't elaborate further. "Don't get me wrong," he adds, sparing me a little glance and smirk. "I'm all for stealing you away from him," he says and my cheeks heat in embarrassment. "I'm a very experienced lover... I think it would blow your mind."

How dare he even...

"It's one of my greatest talents... taking things from Malfoy, but I would rather it not be just because you're being vengeful towards him."

"I don't want you," I tell him hotly and he laughs.

"Sure you don't," he says sarcastically with an eye roll. "I've seen you looking at me, you know," he says as he runs his thumb over his lower lip as he stares at me. "You think I'm sexy."

"You are just a pompous... arrogant... narcissistic..."

He makes a twirling motion with his fingers as I stutter out the insults. "You have a wonderful vocabulary," he cuts me off.

I make an angry noise and turn my head away.

"The Dark Lord only wanted you for your curse breaking blood," he says and I glance at him over my shoulder with an angry glare. "He only made a Horcrux for you so your body would live as long as he did. With out your original body, you would have been worthless to him."

I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off.

"When Malfoy found out about your blood, he could have killed you," he says seriously. "He could have gotten rid of your body with your precious blood and the Dark Lord would be the weak thing that he came back as originally. You know he has no problem with murder," he says in a dark voice and it sends a chill down my spine. "He could have done that and made it look like an accident. It would have been more beneficial to his plan to kill you, but he didn't. He could have. But he didn't."

He looks me over, his eyes searching my face.

"Why don't you think on that for a while, Ginny," he almost whispers and I feel my anger spike. "How he spent most of his time keeping you alive when all had to do was off you and be done."

"So what?" I hiss as I turn to face him fully. "I should be grateful that he didn't murder me when he had a chance?"

"I'm not saying you should be grateful or not," he says sharply. "I just want you to realize that he had two roads in front of him and he didn't chose the easy one. His very careful plans and ideas have been rerouted multiple times to accommodate you. Draco wasn't the only one who knew about your blood and wanted the Dark Lord gone," he says seriously. "There were others who could have done it but you're here now because Dracowanted to keep you."

I shake my head.

"It's a terrible thing," he says as he looks me in the eyes. "To be loved by a person like him."

"It's a terrible thing to be loved by anyone," I snap shortly and he gives me a look as I stand up. "It just ends up hurting."

"Indeed it does," he says flatly.

"How do you even know?" I spit at him and he stands up as well. "You don't love anyone but yourself."

"And I am the worst person to love, aren't I?"

"You know what," I tell him as I point my finger right at his chest. "You are frustrating. I don't know why anyone likes you. You never have a point to anything you say!"

"Don't point your finger at me, ginger," he says and I sneer at the name. "I have points, you're just too dense to realize it."

"Shut up."

"Oh, now you sound like Malfoy," he smirks at my glare. "My point, for this conversation is..." he pauses for a second I suppose for dramatic affect as he looks into my eyes. "Draco Malfoy cares nothing of mudbloods or muggles or halfbreeds, but he's putting all of our lives in danger to save them from the very people he agrees with."

His voice sounds bitter and angry as he glares at me.

"I nearly died yesterday trying to save a few fucking muggles from a burning building. Fucking Muggles," he sneers at the thought. "Just because Draco fucking Malfoy wants your family to like him."

I look down.

"So, miss Ginevra Weasley," he says, leaning forward to tug on my hair until I look at him again. "Who really is the fool in this equation?"

It was a good question and I found myself doubting the answer.

I've been hanging out with Zabini a lot more than I should.

It's hard to explain. He doesn't treat me very well, but I actually prefer the way he treats me over everyone's fake niceness. Isn't that odd? It's like nothing has changed between us from when I first met him and I kind of like that.

It's kind of refreshing.

After the cottage falls asleep, I sneak out of my bedroom and use the floo line to go to Yellow Springs where Zabini stays. I sneak pass other bedrooms to reach him. We play chess, sometimes we drink... sometimes we just talk. Just because I like talking to him doesn't mean I don't want anyone else knowing I like talking to him too. I don't speak about our nighttime chats to anyone, not even Daphne.

I like Blaise. I never knew that was possible.

He tells me things about the war and about the Death Eaters with out talking down to me like I was a child. He keeps me in the loop without sugar coating the horrors of war and I appreciate that. I'm not a stupid little girl anymore. I can handle information better than most after what I've seen and I think Zabini knows that.

I was grateful that Blaise gave me Henry and when I told him that, he just shrugged. He said that Henry liked me better than him so it wasn't so far of a stretch. When I asked how he was able to do it with out being found out... his expression got dark.

The Dark Lord killed Franklin after the elf let Henry into the house. Blaise was upset about that and he ranted about it for hours. How he had to bribe Franklin with a photo of his aunt to even get the elf to do as he said... How Faun ratted Franklin out when the Dark Lord questioned her... How Zabini cut off her head for disloyalty after the Dark Lord's men took Franklin's.

It was a bloody business, but I was thankful for Blaise's personality. He didn't linger too long on dark thoughts and he could easily turn anything into a joke.

He makes me smile a lot.

He doesn't try to kiss me or anything, which is nice, but he doesn't exactly hide his affection either.

Yesterday I had to push him away when he went to hold my hand.

I feel like I'm playing with fire, but I guess a part of me is used to that.

Oh well.

He's awake when I slide into his room and I smile when I see him. He's sitting by his open window, smoking a cigarette and blowing the smoke outside.

"Queen Ginny," he greets me as I shut the door behind me.

"Don't call me that," I tell him as I walk forward to take a seat on his bed.

"Then what should I call you?" he asks with a brow raised as he throws the cigarette out the window. "I can't exactly call you pleasant, now can I?"

I snort in laughter as he takes a seat on the opposite side of the bed.

When he gets close enough, I can see the cut on his lip. It's angry and red and I frown when I see it.

"What happened?" I ask seriously as I get up to get a closer look. "I didn't think you've been on any missions recently."

"I haven't," he says with a shrug as I walk around the bed.

There's also a bruise forming on his cheekbone and lower jaw.

"Who did you get in a fight with?" I ask and he smirks.

"I would like you to think long and hard about that one," he says and it takes me all of two seconds to think of Draco. "You think he appreciates you coming into my room at night?"

"How does he know?" I ask like a child getting caught doing something wrong.

"How could he not know?" Zabini counters and I frown.

"He shouldn't hit you," I snap hatefully with my arms cross, my anger at Draco coming back ten fold. "When did this happen?" I ask.

"Yesterday."

"Why didn't you heal yourself?" I ask, knowing he's good with those kinds of spells.

He just shrugs.

"You know, one would think you were trying to be vindictive. You pass his room each night to get to mine," he says and I didn't actually know that so I furrow my brows. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you were trying to hurt him. You know the issues he has."

"I didn't know he stayed here," I say flatly.

To be honest, I thought my time with Zabini was a secret.

"First door on the right at the top of the stairs," he says and I frown when I think of the light that is always on when I creep by at night. "He knowsevery time you come here, Ginny," he says with a little smirk. "He was bound to try to kick my ass at some point in time."

I shake my head. "Did you fight back?" I ask, wondering if Draco has matching wounds.

The thought of him nursing them by himself makes me feel worse.

He laughs and rubs one of his eyes with the heel of his palm.

"I'm fighting back right now," he says, giving me a smile as he reaches out to take my hand.

I let him and only pull away when he brings his hand up to place a kiss against my knuckles. "Don't do that," I whisper as I move away from him.

"Fair enough," he sighs loudly. "How about something to drink?" he says. "Let's get drunk and talk badly about people," he smiles and I nod my head.

Getting drunk always helps.

He pulls a bottle of whiskey from under his bed and two glasses come soon after. "This is strong," he says as he pours me a glass and hands it to me. "Drink with caution."

Fuck caution.

I take a large gulp and nearly choke on the taste, but I keep it down as I sit on his bed. He pulls up his desk chair to sit right across from me.

"Let's play truth or dare," he says and I roll my eyes as I take another painful drink.

"That's a stupid game."

"Truth or dare," he asks and I eye him for a moment with the glass against my lips before sighing.

"Truth."

"What's your favorite sex position?" he asks and I laugh at how ridiculous he is.

Thinking of sex makes me think of Draco... I lick my lips and shake my head. "Pass."

"You can't pass," he says seriously.

"Fine," I whisper as I take another drink. "I don't know," I say honestly because I've liked everything I've done with Draco... Zabini gives me a look. "I guess... I guess if I had to chose I like it when the guy's on top best. I like the closeness," I admit with a red face and Zabini snorts.

"Missionary?" he rolls his eyes. "Just when I thought you couldn't get anymore boring."

"Fine. What's yours?" I snap at him, finishing the glass.

He readily pours me another one.

"I like fucking a girl standing up from behind," he says and my cheeks turn so red at his blunt delivery that he starts laughing. "That was your turn. Now, truth or dare?"

"Truth," I say and he leans back, taking another sip from his glass.

"Alright, do you spit or swallow?"

"Blaise!" I hiss and he smirks.

"Well?"

"I'm not telling you that," I snap, and he gives me a wide smile.

"Then you have to do a dare."

"Keep it clean," I tell him flatly as I take another drink.

The whiskey is strong and I'm already feeling light headed.

"Alright," he says as he runs his hand over his mouth. "Sing the Hogwarts school song," he says with a smirk. Easy enough. "While gurgling your drink."

That I could do.

I take a drink of the horrible tasting whiskey and keep it in my throat as I start singing the song. He laughs at my attempts and half way though the song, I give up and swallow the whiskey with some of it dribbling out of the corner of my mouth.

"I see you swallow," he says and I laugh as I throw a pillow at his chest.

"You're horrid," I tell him with a drunk smile as I wipe off the side of my face. Officially gone with the alcohol. "Truth or dare," I ask him with a laugh, my cheeks hot from the embarrassing dare.

"Truth," he says as he eyes me.

"Do you like anyone?" I ask, thinking of Pansy and he rolls his eyes.

"That's a stupid question."

"I meant, do you have a crush on anyone," I say quickly and he runs his finger over the rim of his glass as he looks right at me.

"Yes," he says seriously and I smile.

"Who?"

"That's two questions," he laughs at my sour face as he takes a drink. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," I say as I take another sip.

"Do you like the way I look?" he asks as he raises his brows and looks me over.

"You know you're good looking," I tell him with a head shake, thinking he's silly.

"But do you like the way I look?" he asks and I spare him a glance before looking down at my drink.

"Yes," I say softly and I can feel his smile. "Truth or dare," I say quickly so he'll stop gloating.

"Truth."

"Do you like the way I look?" I counter, wanting him to be uncomfortable too.

"Very much so," he says in a very deep voice and when I look at him, he's not smiling at all.

He looks all together serious as he stares at me and I look away to get away from it.

"Dare," I say so I don't have to admit any other embarrassing truths.

"Sit on my lap."

"W-What?" I whisper as I snap my face towards his, my drunk mind slow on the intake.

He leans back in his chair and then pats his thigh.

"I... I can't do that," I stutter as I think of Draco.

"Why not?" he asks with a dark brow raised. "Are you afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you," I scoff.

"Then sit on my lap," he says as he stares me down.

I feel like he's challenging and because I'm drunk a little bit out of my own mind, I stand up and walk towards him. He smiles to himself as I smooth out my skirt and sit down sideways on his lap, trying hard not to lean against him and touch his chest, or anything else, for that matter.

"Look at you, being brave," he jokes and I spare him a little look as I take another drink from my glass. "Alright then, my turn. Truth."

I go to stand up to go back to the bed, but he puts his arm on my thigh.

"What are you doing?" he asks with a brow raised, his mouth by my ear. He smells spicier than Draco...

"The dare is over. It's your turn," I explain to him like he was a simpleton, trying not to be affected by his closeness.

"Haven't you ever played this game?" he asks and I frown. "You have to stay until the end of the game."

"No..." I shake my head but then he is warm... and he does smell good. I take another drink and shrug my shoulder, relaxing on his lap again.

Who cares?

"Fine. What do you pick?"

"Truth," he says as he sits back again, taking a drink from his glass as he studies my profile.

"Have you talked to your mother since Christmas?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"I've written to her," he admits as he looks away with his lips against the glass. "But she hasn't written back. Truth or dare."

"Dare," I whisper because I hate his questions and he looks at me closely.

"Finish your drink," he says and I gulp it all down, feeling the world spin as he pours me another. "Truth," he says as I blink a few times, trying to keep the world in focus.

"Was your aunt at camp Lux?" I ask stupidly, but my drunk mind isn't holding back.

"Yes," he says and I nod my head, feeling my mind get blurry.

"Is she dead?" I whisper and he looks me over.

"Yes," he says and when I give him a troubled look, he smiles. "When they found out we were coming, they locked them in their cabins and started executing them," he explains as I lick my lips. "Guess who was in cabin number one."

I feel my heart clench. "I'm... I'm so sorry," I tell him honestly. "That is awful."

He shrugs. "War is awful. Now, that was two questions... so you have to do two.. Truth or dare."

"Dare."

"Finish your drink."

"Didn't you just say that?" I ask as I gulp down the burning liquid in my glass. When it's finished, Blaise is right there to pour me another one and I shift on his lap to get closer so I don't fall off.

"Again," he says as I down the drink like a shot.

It makes the world turn in front of my eyes and I pause a second to collect myself before turning to him.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," he says again and I lick my lips as I try to sort through my thoughts that are all leaping and fumbling around each other in a slurred mess.

I start thinking of him and the things he says to me that are so confusing. "Why do you say things I don't understand?" I ask with a frown and he shakes his head.

"I don't know the answer to that question."

"Yes," I snap, glaring at him with a pout. "You do."

"Maybe it's because you pout so prettily," he says with a smirk and I shake my head as I take another drink.

"Dare again," I mumble into my drink and there's a pause before he speaks.

"Take off your shirt," he says as he looks at my chest.

I shake my head.

"It's a dare, Ginny," he whispers. "You have to do it."

I take another drink as the world starts to spin again.

"I can't do that," I whisper. "Draco wouldn't like it."

"Is he here?" Blaise asks sharply and I shake my head.

"Blaise," I lick my lips as I give up trying to fight it and I lean against his chest with my lips close to his face. "I have a tank top on under my shirt," I tell him and he raises his brows. "You won't see my bra if that's what you wanted."

"Then it shouldn't be so hard for you to take this off," he says, tugging on the red blouse I'm wearing.

I shake my head.

"I have..." I frown as I try to find the words. "I have those cuts on my chest and shoulders," I tell him as I touch my collar bone. "You'd be able to see them if I... if I take this off," I mutter off self-consciously and he puts some hair over my shoulder.

"You say that like I didn't know."

I nod my head and have him hold my drink as I pull the blouse over my head, leaving me in the black tank top with thin straps.

"Look at you," he says as he brings his hand up and runs his fingers along one of the cuts on my chest. "You look like a warrior princess."

I smile at him.

"Dare," he says after a few moments and I think for a second before repeating his dare because I'm getting too drunk to form real thoughts.

"Take off your shirt."

He laughs. I sit foreword and hold his glass as he tugs the black polo over his head. He doesn't have a tank top underneath like me and I stare at his bare chest when it becomes visible to me.

"You're really warm," I tell him as I put a shy hand out to touch his shoulder.

I watch my hand as it runs over his skin. I haven't been this close to someone in such a long time and I didn't realize until this moment that I was longing for human interaction. I was drunk enough not to shy away from it, and I was drunk enough not to think of the Dark Lord... or Draco...

"Truth or dare?" he asks in a soft voice as my hand slides down to his chest.

"Dare," I say, not even realizing what I had chosen.

He brings his hand up and tilts my face towards his. Blaise Zabini, all dark and beautiful with those amazing amber eyes.

"Kiss me."

"What?" I whisper, knowing that it would be wrong. "No," I shake my head and go to get up. "I shouldn't..."

He doesn't answer, he just leans forward and presses his lips to mine with his hand holding down my leg.

I freeze when he drops his glass and brings his hand up to rest in my hair. I clench my eyes shut when he deepens the kiss and I can't do anything but just sit there for a few shocked moments. Much to his pleasure, because he tangles his hand more tightly into my hair and starts devouring my face with a vengeance. He tastes like whiskey and cigarettes and it feels odd against my drunk lips.

He doesn't taste like Draco.

I shouldn't be doing this. I don't want to do this.

I hate the way he's holding my leg down. I hate the way that he's trying to get me to kiss him back.

I try to pull back, but he keeps his hand firmly in my hair and his mouth against mine.

I can't stand it.

I grab his hair and try to pull him back roughly, but it seems to have the opposite affect because he makes an odd growling noise in the back of his throat... pulling my body against him more firmly.

"Blaise," I snap when I finally turn my head far enough away to break the kiss.

It doesn't stop him, his harsh kisses start to move down my jaw and I bring my hand up to his neck, using my nails to pinch as hard as I can.

"What the fuck," he snaps as I push him back.

I stand up quickly and glare at him with my eyes embarrassingly wet. "Don't do that," I hiss at him as I wipe off my mouth.

"What?" he snaps at me.

"Don't do that again," I snap at him as I pick up my blouse.

I practically run out of the room and when I pass by the balcony, I go outside to catch some air before I go back to the stuffy cottage where my family lives.

I realize now that I brought the glass of whiskey with me. I make a face at it before placing it on the railing and glaring at it like it was it's fault I had allowed that terrible thing to happen.

I inhale a deep breath, trying to let the summer night air sober me up as I replay what just happened. Why did I let him kiss me? I'm so stupid. I put my hand against my head and inhale another deep breath. A couple moments later, I hear someone step onto the balcony behind me.

Thinking it's Blaise, I ignore him and cross my arms over my chest as I close my eyes.

"Why do you seek out his company and not mine?"

That's Draco's deep voice and it shocks me into action. I turn around quickly and see him standing in the doorway with his hands in the pockets of his gray slacks. He takes one look at me before glancing at the blouse in my hands. I feel naked before him and I hold the blouse up to my chest.

"What?" I whisper, my heart hammering a mile a minute like he just caught me doing something horrible.

That's not far from the truth. It would kill Draco to know I was kissing Blaise... or sitting on his lap.

"Why do you talk to him when you completely ignore my existence?" He rewords his question and I turn away quickly as I put that blouse back on so he can't see the cuts he inflicted on me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lie as I tug on the hem of the blouse, trying to set it into place.

"Don't play that fucking game with me," he snaps and I give him another shocked look because of the venom in his voice. He walks towards me, his shoes tapping against the concrete. "I know you come here at night. I know you go to his room."

"I'm not having sex with him..." I whisper, wanting to... I don't know... reassure him?

"I didn't say you were," he cuts me off sharply and I bite my tongue as I look away. "But that's not to say that my old friend hasn't been trying his fucking hardest to get you into bed. Has he been successful," he asks, looking down at my damning red blouse. "You want him now, don't you?"

"Stop it, Draco," I whisper pathetically as I cross my arms uncomfortably.

"I almost wish you were fucking him. It would be better than the relationship you seem to be building with him."

I don't say anything to that. I can't.

He takes a step closer as he looks me over and then he narrows his eyes even more. "Are you drunk?" he scolds and I turn away, trying to fix my messy hair. He sees the glass of whiskey... He picks it up and sniffs it and then his faces goes dark. "Have you been drinking with him? You smell like fucking whiskey."

"My head hurts. Stop yelling at me," I snap at him as I bring me hand up to my forehead.

He throws the glass down and it shatters against the concrete floor.

I jump back and cover my mouth at the violence.

"Could you just explain it to me, Ginny?" he says with his jaw clenched in anger as he steps through the glass, his boot crushing some pieces to dust. "I can understand you hanging out with your brothers, or even Harry Potter. But why Zabini. Why him?"

I stare at him with wide eyed shock and then I look at the glass shattered on the ground.

Why did I like hanging out with Zabini?

"He's funny," I say after a lifetime if horrible silence. "He makes me laugh," I say and a painful look slips across his face before it turns cold once more. "He was the only person I saw when I was... was there... and he's just... he's funny."

"Can I not make you smile?" he asks flatly.

I look at the shattered glass once again and then my eyes flick to his clenched fists.

"You remind me of him," I say gently. "Of Tom... Voldemort," I correct myself as he stands straight. "It's hard for me... You and him are so much alike... it's hard for me to be around you because it reminds me of him," I try to explain my thoughts, trying not to sound too much like a rambling drunk person.

"I am not like him, Ginny," he says softly, looking deeply into my eyes.

"But you are. You don't see it," I explain as I turn away and rub my forehead.

How do you explain to someone that they remind you of a genocidal maniac who tortured you? How do I do that without hurting him?

"I would never do what he has done. I am not a tyrant, Ginny. I am nothing like him."

But you are, though.

"Okay," I whisper because I don't.. can't... explain myself to him.

"Do you like Zabini?" he asks, looking away and clenching his fist again. "Do you love him more than me?"

I will kill anyone I think you love more than me.

"Will you kill him?" I ask a little more sharply than I wanted when I remembered that line and he glances at me.

"I want to," he says as he turns away to look out at the grounds."I know you've been kissing him."

"What?" I say in surprise, making my cheeks hot.

He shakes his head and then smacks his hand against the railing. I jump. "I knew it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can tell. Your lips are all red and when I just said that you didn't fucking say no." He puts his hand in his hair and inhales deeply. "Why would you do that?" he asks fiercely.

"It just kind of happened. I was drinking and we were playing a game." I realize how terrible it sounds. I still love Draco and even though I've been terrible to him recently, that was no excuse for what happened. "I'm sorry. I stopped it...I didn't want it...it was just a drunk stupid... thing."

He shakes his head.

"Why are you sorry?" he asks sharply. "It's not like it matters to you, does it? You hate me, remember?"

"I don't hate you," I whisper, my eyes red.

"You must hate me, or your wouldn't continuously hurt me as much as you have been."

"I'm sorry," I snap back, this time it's meanly. "I didn't realize you were the only one allowed to have hurt feelings."

"No," he snaps, approaching me with quick steps. "You do not get to use that as a reason for this!"

I turn away and look over the grounds.

I want to go to bed.

"I am trying to be something I'm not," he says. "I don't know why. You can do what you want. I won't stop you as long as it's what you want. But you better be sure, Ginny. You better be fucking sure because I'm not going to go through all of this if you don't fucking know."

I don't say anything to that.

"But just..." he exhales slowly and clenches his hands around the railing. "Zabini isn't any better than I am. He's worse in some ways," he says, but he doesn't elaborate and I don't question it. "Don't go for him. Don't be with him. If you hold any affection for me what so ever, you will not go to him."

"I don't want to be with him," I whisper honestly. "After what's happened, I don't know if I want to do be with anyone," I say and I feel like I just took a knife and stuck it right in his heart.

Draco's eyes were red, but he doesn't cry. Draco never cries. Instead he narrows his eyes and nods his head stiffly.

"Right," he says sharply. "I get it."

I don't think he does.

"Draco..."

"No," he holds out his hand as he starts walking back towards the house. "Spare me."

"Wait," I say as I turn to stop him.

"I don't think so," he says sharply and I cross my arms. "I'm not going to listen to you ramble your way through this. I'm too tired to fucking deal with you."

I'm trying to explain myself to him. I'm trying to word this right...

"Stop being so mean," I tell him gently and he turns around with his hands in his hair.

"I'm not being mean!" he shouts and I jump. "I can't be anyway else," he says in frustration. "I'm not like Harry Potter. I am not like the men in your family."

He runs his hands over his face as he tries to calm himself down.

"I am not sweet. I am not kind. I can't.." he stops himself, his voice emotional. "I can't be the person you're supposed to be with."

"Supposed to be with?" I whisper in surprise and he inhales a deep breath.

"I do not have noble thoughts. My motives for everything are selfish and indulgent. Maybe you're right," he whispers. "Maybe I am like the Dark Lord."

He inhales deeply before continuing, giving me a venomous glare that pierces my heart.

"I am jealous of everyone you look at and everything you touch. I want to murder the people who hurt you... and the ones who make you smile more than I do. I want to pull you into a room and show you how much I have missed you even though I know you won't let me. I want to claim what I think is mine because that's how I am and no matter how many times I'm told that's wrong, I can't fucking help it."

I look away.

"I wasn't lying when I said the stupidest thing I've ever done was fall in love with you." That hurt and I make a face. "My thoughts are obsessive. They always have been, but you are the main object of my desires and I feel like I'm going mad sometimes."

He takes a step closer to me.

"Before I started seeing you, I knew exactly what I was doing and where I was going. Now I've had to change my plans in a million different ways to accommodate this feeling," he puts his hand on his chest. "That I have for you."

I can't say anything.

"And now I'm playing a fucking rebel just to keep your goddamn family alive so you won't cry. I am exhausted. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this," he snaps as he throws up his hands. "This is not how this is supposed to happen."

I look at him as he pulls on his hair.

"I don't fucking care about mudbloods or muggles," he says and I flinch at the derogatory word. "But I care about you. That's the only reason why I'm doing any of this. For you, because you are the only one who makes me a halfway decent person."

"Don't you have your own moral compass?" I ask because I can't believe that. I can't believe I'm the only reason he's good because I'm not good at all.

"You," he says flatly with no warmth in his eyes. "You are the only person who makes me think twice." He walks towards me and reaches out like he wants to touch me before deciding against it. "You are perfect," he says.

He wants the world to be perfect as it should be... Millicent had told me that and I still have no idea what it means.

"You are perfect for me and the life I want to live," he admits firmly. "But my life will not be perfect without you in it. Not anymore. It makes my thoughts go dark to think you do not love me. I am not a good man, Ginny. I have done many terrible things in my pursuit of power but you are my one road block that I've allowed to change the course of my well thought out life. You have to love me because I can't accept anything less... I will not accept anything less," he corrects himself as a chill goes down my spine.

"I..."

"And I can't have you going around making out with people behind my goddamn back!"

I bring my hand up my eyes and I start crying. Of course. Because I'm weak and I always cry.

"Stop it," he snaps. "Stop crying!"

Maybe I did mess up terribly by kissing Zabini. I was killing Draco's feeling, but... but he shouldn't be shouting at me! I've had a hard enough year and he hasn't helped me forgive him.

"Stop yelling!" I snap back after I wipe my tears away. "You're just like him! Always yelling at me!"

I push past him and go inside.

"Stop running away from me," he shouts from behind and he chases after. "Stop running away!"

I stop and glare at him over my shoulder. "You said the stupidest thing you've ever done was fall in love with me," I tell him harshly. "Well, I'm the stupid one!"

"Don't yell at me."

I throw my hands up. "You're the one that started yelling at me first!" I snap.

"Why was I yelling at you?" he snaps hatefully. "Why was I yelling, Ginny," he asks as he approaches me. "Tell me why I was yelling at you," he says as he gets so close his chest almost hits mine.

"Back off," I hiss but he shakes his head.

"Not until you tell me why I was fucking yelling at you in the first place."

"Because you're horrible!" I push him back. "Stop speaking to me like this. You shouldn't be talking to me like this! You don't get to speak to me like this!"

Our reunion should have been loving, not like this, not this heated. Part of it was my fault, I know that, but still!

"I was away for a long time," I tell him meanly. "How do I know you weren't doing anything with any other girl?" I counter and his eyes inflame.

"Because I am not a cheater," he snaps, putting his hand on his chest to make his point. "I can control my libido a lot better than you apparently can and just in case you're confused, let me clear something up for you. We are not broken up," he says, grabbing my wrist. "We have never been broken up and I swear to God if you cheat on me with Zabini one more fucking time-"

"What?" I taunt, hating the coldness in his voice. "What are you going to do that hasn't been done to me already?"

"You are still mine, Ginny. You're still mine!" he yells at me with emotion making his voice sharp as a knife.

I shake my head, pissed off beyond belief, and I go to take off again... to get away from him... to collect my thoughts... but he blocks me and I inhale deeply through my nostrils so I don't snap.

"You don't get to run away from me," his voice drops to a darker level and he grabs my arm. "You don't get to kiss anyone else," He says, his eyes intense and stormy. "You don't kiss anyone but me."

"What if I don't want to kiss you?" I spit with venom.

"You're a liar," he says, leaning forward. "You're a fucking liar."

He presses his lips against mine in a demanding kiss and he grabs my arm when I try to get away.

I push him so hard he stumbles back. "You can't tell me what to do," I snap at him. He looks at me with his cheeks dotted pink with anger. "Leave me alone! I'm leaving and I don't want you to follow me."

I jump when I hear something shatter behind me and I pick up my pace and run towards the downstairs fireplace.

When I get to my room, I sit on the bed and stare out the window until the sun comes up.

My heart feels like it's been blown into ten thousand pieces.

As the dawn break against the horizon, I finally realize what it feels like to be alive again.

I feel awful.

Completely and utterly awful.

It's not the same kind of pain that comes with violence, it's a pain that rests deep in the heart. I take a bite of my apple and glare up at the sun. I shouldn't have treated Draco that way. I know that. But he just gets so defensive and he yells.

Perhaps his yells weren't out of anger, they were out of frustration and that I can understand. I do get why he's so frustrated. If he was taken and held up in Riddle Manor, what would happen if I was in his shoes? Fighting all the time for a cause I didn't believe in to bring him back... just so he can come back to ignore me and kiss my friends and sneak around behind my back instead of just talking to me.

I would probably yell a lot too.

And Blaise was right. I knew how Draco was when I fell in love with him and I couldn't stand it now just because it reminded me of Tom, but that wasn't fair either.

He wasn't Tom no matter how alike they seemed.

Draco loved me. The Dark Lord didn't love anything.

When I'm finished with my apple, I throw it in the grass and walk back towards the cottage. I've been avoiding people most of the day and I threw up again during breakfast. I just can't handle certain smells anymore and I feel like some big bloated mess of senses.

Daphne catches me at the door, taking a picture of me with her camera.

"Please don't do that," I say as I hold up my hand to the lens.

"I'm making a scrap book for the war," she says with a smile and I snort at the thought of war time photos on glossy pink paper. "To show my future children," she says as she takes another picture.

I glare at her.

"Please stop taking pictures of me," I say again as I walk past her.

"You should try it," she says as she follows after me, coming up behind to take another photo. "Things look much better through a camera lens."

Another picture gets snapped and I stop. I'm wearing a tank top because it's so hot out, so all the cuts are showing. I don't want to have a picture out there as a reminder.

"Daphne," I tell her as I put my hand on her arm to lower the camera. "Please, stop taking photos of me."

Her smile falters for a moment before she nods her head. "Of course," she says as she pulls the strap from around her neck. She hands it to me. "You should try it. Take some pictures. You'll find the beauty in things again. I'm sure of it."

I take the camera. "Can I ask you a question?" I ask and she nods her head as she follows me to my room.

"What is it?" she asks softly.

I close the door behind us once we reach my room and I take a seat on the bed. She sits beside me.

"What was Draco like when I was gone?" I whisper as I fiddle with the dials on the camera.

"What do you mean?"

"You said he was a mess... what was he like?"

"Oh," she says softly. "He was very unlike himself. Reckless, making very rash decisions." she shakes her head at the thought. "He was just very sad...You could tell."

I look down, feeling guilty again.

"Was he faithful to me?" I ask, thinking of Blaise.

"Why would you ask such a thing?" she whispers and I shrug my shoulder as I bring the camera up to my face to take a photo of her.

"I was gone for a very long time," I admit as I put the camera on my lap with a long sigh as I think of Draco's lust. "That's a long time to a guy."

"Draco is no ordinary guy," she says as I snap a photo of the window.

"You're right," I whisper as I stand up. "He runs much hotter," I say to myself as I walk towards it.

"Did you fight with him again?" she asks as she turns to look at me.

I don't answer.

"Over Blaise?" she says and I give her a surprised look. "You've been seeing him a lot," she admits. "We all know it."

"It's no ones business but my own."

"You know that never matters to people," she says, giving me a sad smile. She stands up as well. "I told you to be careful around him. Zabini is like a very gifted violin player... and he's playing all your strings."

"He's honest with me, at least," I whisper. "He talks to me plainly..." albeit more perversely.

"And doesn't that make you like him all the more?" she says seriously. "You're defending him now, aren't you?"

I won't tell her about the kissing. I lick my lips. "I miss..." I trail off as I think of my time with Draco over the year. "I miss talking to Draco," I whisper. "But I don't know how to talk to him anymore and then he just ends up yelling at me."

"Maybe you're not making it easy for him."

That was true.

"Can I borrow this?" I ask her as I lift the camera. "For the day. I will give it back."

"Of course," she answers. "Take all the photos you want. They might make the cut for my scrap book."

"How exciting," I say sarcastically but she doesn't catch it.

After a talk about what she plans to do with her pictures, she goes to her own room to play with her hair. I walk around the house to gather images for her scrap book. She's right. Things seem to look much better with a filter in front of you.

When night comes, I avoid dinner with my family and I find myself walking the halls of the Zabini house at Yellow Springs after changing into those horrible striped pj's that have become my comfort clothes.

I go up the stairs and start heading to Blaise's room to talk to him about that kiss and how it didn't mean anything and will never happen again, but I stop at the top of the stairs. I look at the first door on the right and the light that spills out from underneath it.

Draco.

My heart thumps.

I should talk to him first.

I want to talk to him.

I knock gently and then I peek my head in his room when I find it unlocked.

He's awake and he looks at me with his brows raised as I open the door. He's sitting on his bed with only three candles lit about him and he's shining his shoes with a horse haired brush. I know this routine of his... he's very particular about things and I have no idea why I think it's sexy that he shines his own shoes.

I just do.

I can't help it.

What other eighteen year old boy would take such good care of his own footwear?

"Hi," I say stupidly as I close the door behind me and lean against it. "Can I come in?"

I was already in, but he understood what I meant because he nodded his head and started putting his shoe care kit away.

"Of course," he says flatly as he puts down his polished shoes to give me his full attention.

He's still burned by our prior fights... I can tell and I can't blame him for it because I was too.

"What's with the camera?" he asks as he nods to it.

I take it from over my neck and place it on the chair by the door.

"I was taking pictures. It's Daphne's," I explain to him awkwardly and he nods his head.

I walk nervously into the room and take a seat at the end of the bed... about a yard away from him. He stares at me and I stare at him before he finally speaks.

"You're looking well," he says, flicking a glance down my body, taking in the ridiculous worn striped pj's I favor.

I cross my arms.

"I look atrocious," I tell him sharply. "I feel atrocious. Everything seems to be bothering me," I admit to him because I can, because I can always admit these things to him. "Like my senses are heightened to an annoying level. I can barely stand the smell of half the things in the world now."

"Well," he says flatly as he stands up to light more candles. "You are still the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Atrociousness aside."

I feel my cheeks start blushing. "You haven't seen many girls then."

"Did you come here to fish for compliments?" he asks as he lights the fireplace with his wand to give us more light. He glances at me over his shoulder... he's wearing his sleep wear already, a pair of black sweat pants and a thin white cotton t-shirt. "I have plenty more if you want to hear them."

"You're being nice to me," I point out and it sounded stupid when I said it, but he didn't seem to mind.

He just shrugged his shoulder and went back to the fire.

"I don't like being mean to you, Ginny. I just get mad easily and you know I have a temper," he admits in a low voice. "I can't seem to help it."

I toy with that thought as he turns back to the fire, pleased that he's being nice to me. It's ridiculous that I think the boy who loves me would be mean to me all the time... Why do I think that way? Maybe because Draco is mean, actually. Just not to me... most of the time...

I watch him as he bends down grab some more wood to throw in... that's when I make out the outline of something under his shirt.

I stand up with a frown as I see the shadow across his back.

"Of course, if it's humor you want, you're in the wrong room," he says and I nearly flinch away because of the hurt in his voice. "Is Zabini not in tonight?" he asks me cruelly as he looks at me again. "Is that what I owe this pleasure?"

"What happened to your back?" I ask him, ignoring his hurtful words as I walk towards him.

He turns back to the fire and doesn't say anything so I walk up behind him and lift the thin shirt. I roll the fabric with my fingers until I see the source of my concern.

An angry looking raised scar cuts across the plain of his back, curling around his waist in an angry fish hook design.

"Oh, babe," I whisper when I see how painful it looks. "What happened?" I ask as I reach shy fingers out to touch the ugly looking scar that cuts across his skin.

"Babe is it?" he asks gruffly as he walks away from me, pulling his shirt down angrily. "You know there's a war going on," he says flatly. "I wasn't just off having picnics when you were gone. I was fighting to get you back," he says, sparing me a little glance before walking towards his bed again. "You know some scars magic can't heal."

I knew that all too well.

"Did that hurt a lot?" I ask with a troubled frown as I put my hands together so I can resist touching him.

He sits heavily on the bed and starts taking off his watch.

Another routine of his that I'm familiar with. "A lot of things hurt," he says flatly and I look down, biting my lower lip because I feel...

I feel horrible.

"Why did you come here, Gin?" he asks tiredly, his anger melting as he rubs his face. "What do you want?"

"I was..." I lick my lips as I walk towards him again.

What did I want? I hardly know, but I sit beside him again... closer this time... and I wait until he looks at me.

"I didn't kiss Blaise," I say seriously. "He kissed me, but I stopped him. I didn't kiss back..." I say quickly. I have no idea why but I feel like he needs to know that. "I didn't want it."

"I don't want to talk about it," he says seriously. "If that's what you came to say, then I would rather not hear it."

I bite my lip and look away with my hand on my neck.

"I just... I think you're a good person underneath it all," I say, not fully knowing if that was the truth or not but his words has been burned into my heart. "I don't think I'd..." I was going to say that I don't think I'd fall in love with someone who was evil... but that seemed ridiculous. "I don't think that you do all that you do for selfish reasons. "

"Then you don't know me very well at all, sweetheart," he sneers sarcastically.

I know he has to be wrong. That can't be right.

I long and heavy silence falls between us as the fire crackles behind us. I lick my lips so many times that they start to burn and Draco just stares at me, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

"Maybe..." I say as I try to extend an olive branch of peace.

"Maybe what?" he snaps, but I ignore his harsh tone and I lick my lips one final time.

"I was wondering if you would heal me now," I say softly as I give him a shy look.

"The healers at the Manor are more than capable..."

"I want you to," I cut him off quickly. "Please?"

He eyes me for a moment, like I would have an alternative motive for my request, before he nods his head. A short and sharp nod. "Give me a second," he say as he gets up.

He leaves the room and I wait for a few minutes before jumping in surprise when he comes back in with a small jar full of clear looking snot.

Lovely.

"What is that?" I ask as he sits beside me.

"Something that will help with the cuts," he says as he unscrews the lid, putting his wand behind his ear as he works. "You're going to have to take off your shirt," he says, giving me a quick glance. "And your pants," he says and I feel that blush on my cheeks again.

"Is that what you say to all the girls you heal?" I attempt to joke. I attempt to be normal again and when corner of his lip turns up in a smile, I mirror him.

This is a step in the right direction.

"Only the ones I like," he says as I stand up and turn around so I can unbutton the pj top.

Do I want to be so unclothed in front of him? Of course, he's seen me in less, but I was a different person now... I was new... I look over my shoulder to find him watching me, an unreadable look in his silver eyes.

I go back to my top and slowly push the buttons through each hole. "You're not going to take advantage of me, are you?" I tease as I let the shirt hang open and I untie the strings to my pants.

"Only if you want me to," he says in a deep voice that sends a pulse between my legs.

It makes me uncomfortable with the friction. I haven't been turned on by anything in such a long time.

Once everything is loose and open, I turn to him.

To be honest, I would feel more comfortable with Draco healing me than a stranger medic and I was glad that I asked him.

"Come here," he says. He pats the bed beside him as I clench my shirt closed. He hands me the jar. "You have to rub that onto the cuts," he explains. "Then I can heal them with a spell."

"Okay," I mumble as I twist open the lid. "This looks like snot," I admit as I dig some of it out with my fingers. "It feels like snot."

"It's not," he says with an eye roll as I sit back and open my shirt, revealing my bra.

It makes me blush thinking of him watching me, but I try to ignore it as I put the the snot on my skin. I start with my shoulder, rubbing it in until my skin glistens.

"Is this right?" I ask, looking up at Draco to see if I'm doing it wrong.

He gulps and then nods his head before getting up and going over to the window. I watch him for a moment as he puts his hand on the frame and he uses his free hand to rub the back of his neck.

Right.

I start on the other marks, moving my top and pants to accommodate my movements as I work. There are seven symbols in all cut into my body and when I'm finished I cough to get Draco's attention because he hasn't looked away from the window yet.

"I'm done," I tell him as I screw the lid back on and put the jar on the night stand. "You can look now," I mutter and he glances at me as I close my night shirt.

I'm self-conscious in this body now. Because of the abuse I had suffered, and the cuts on my skin... and it doesn't help that Daphne keeps pointing out that none of my clothes are fitting properly.

"Okay," he says as he picks up his wand and walks towards me.

He sits back down and he reaches a hand out to pull back my shirt to see the mark on my shoulder.

"Alright," he whispers as he licks his teeth. Then he glances at me. "I'm not doing this to be perverted, but I really do need you to actually take off your shirt," he says seriously.

I nod my head and pull my arms through the sleeves, letting the top drop to the side as he watches me.

"Did..." I trail off as I sit back against the head board with my arms crossed. Daphne was right, I have been gaining weight, and my bras hardly hold in my breasts anymore.

Something I was painfully aware of right about now.

"Did anyone... Did anyone see me when you did this?" I ask as I start fiddling with the draw string of my pants. I wouldn't care if Draco had seen me, of course. He knew my body better than I did... I just couldn't bear the thought of someone else seeing me.

"There was a lot of smoke," he says as he gets closer, staring at the mark on my stomach. "I don't think anyone saw you so unclothed," he says, calming my dread at the thought of everyone and their mother seeing me in my under things.

"Good," I whisper as he lifts his wand.

I clench my eyes shut. Behind my lids I can see the bright light of a spell that he whispers under his breath.

When I open my eyes again, the mark on my stomach is gone.

"That didn't hurt," I say as I run my hand over my newly healed skin.

"It's not supposed to," he says seriously.

He heals the mark on my right shoulder... and then on my left...

I stare at him as he works, his hair falling into my eyes as he heals the marks he put on me. To save my life... I've been spending most of my time away from the Dark Lord comparing Draco to him. To everything that reminded me of the two... why they were so similar. Two ambitious men who have very little empathy for the people around them... two men who used me to their advantage...

"Fuck," I hear Draco whisper as he fumbles with his wand when I pull my pants down so he can get to the marks on thigh.

I bite my lip, trying to hide a smile at the blush on his cheeks. He's being perfectly lovely right now. Maybe I was being unfair to him. Maybe I should be looking for differences instead of similarities. Draco flicks a little glance up at me and I smile a little at him.

He goes back to my leg and I can spy the corner of his mouth tilting up in a barely there smile.

Draco smiles.

The Dark Lord doesn't smile. It's all cruel smirks and mocking tilts of his lips. The things that please him, the dark things that please him, are nothing but mild amusements to him and his emotions are cold and stale. He doesn't smile because he has no real feelings. He never smiles just because he's happy... because the Dark Lord is never happy. Because the Dark Lord is a monster.

Draco is blond.

Obviously.

I snort at my own thoughts and bring my hand up to touch Draco's hair. His neck snaps up as I run my fingers through it and he gives me a puzzled look as I tuck some strands behind his ear.

"Your hair is getting long," I tell him honestly.

It's true. Draco had always kept his hair short and neatly styled but now the hair, that never went past his eyebrows, was tickling his cheek bones.

"I haven't had time for a hair cut," he admits as he stares at me.

He's finished healing my legs, so I pull my pants back up with a blush on my cheeks.

"Your hair is really long as well," he points out as he reaches out and tugs on a strand of hair that used to be my bangs. Now it's to my jaw... officially just part of my hair. "But you have lovely hair."

I blush again and bite my lip before reaching a hand out to touch his face.

Draco lets me touch him.

I never wanted to touch Tom Riddle, of course. I cringe just at the thought.. but Draco.. Draco is so guarded with himself that I'm almost proud that he lets me touch him whenever I want. I want to touch him, I realize, and I let my hand drift over his face as he watches me.

"I don't want to fight anymore," I say gently and he nods his head. "I don't want us to shout at each other."

"That I can agree with," he whispers.

"I won't... I won't seek him out anymore," I tell him honestly as I think of Blaise Zabini and how badly I must have been hurting him. "I don't need his friendship that much. I won't talk to him," I offer because I know how jealous Draco gets and there's no point in putting him through any pain just for Blaise. "I won't speak to him anymore."

He looks into my eyes and I give him a little smile.

Then he turns his face and presses a kiss to my hand.

"You have facial hair," I tell him, running my fingers along his cheek like I was feeling him for the first time. "Like... real facial hair," I add with a little smile. "Like a man."

"You say that like you doubt my gender."

I snort in laughter. The Dark Lord's humor was mean and taunting, but Draco, his humor is dry and flat and I had almost forgotten how much I like it.

"It feels like sandpaper," I whisper as my hand travels to his neck.

"Sorry," he says with a shrug as I look at his lips. "I don't have time to do much of anything."

I like kissing Draco.

I haven't been kissed by him in months. Months and months and months... I look at his lips as he runs his tongue along the bottom one to wet it. I lick my own lips in response. I scoot closer to him let my hand rest on his shoulder. He puts his hand on top of mine and gives me a questioning look as he his eyes glide over my face.

Draco looks at me like he loves me.

He does love me, right?

"I love only you," he says seriously and I blink I surprise, not realizing I had said my thought out loud."And that is a rare thing, indeed," he says in a deep voice that makes my insides flutter.

I move even closer to him on the bed until I'm practically on his lap. He looks at me for a while before bringing a cautious hand up to cup my cheek and I resist pushing him away.

Draco doesn't hit girls.

He told me that himself. I know it should go with out saying, but after being around a man who had no problem hitting me, it felt nice knowing Draco never would. He doesn't hit girls no matter how annoying they are. I smile a little when I think of his words and he watches my lips as I tilt my head, leaning towards him.

"Ginny..."

I press my lips against his.

I close my eyes as I thread my fingers though his longer hair and I slip onto his lap with my feet dangling over his strong legs. I inhale before tilting my head more to slip my tongue against his. He smells good. Draco smells good. I missed that.

He puts his hand on my back as he lets me control the kiss with my timid and searching movements. He tastes like cinnamon tooth paste and I let my hand slide down his neck... then to his shirt where I put my hand under to feel his chest.

He shivers under my touch and he breathes out slowly before letting me kiss him again.

Draco runs hot.

The Dark Lord always ran cold like a snake and it would chill me every time he was near. I hated that about him... that and so much else. I don't hate Draco. He puts his hand between my knees like he always used to and I feel a hunger building inside of me as I adjust my position so I can straddle his legs.

Draco feels good.

He always feels good... I press his back against the bed and lower my mouth to his again.

Draco tastes good.

He puts his hands on my hips as I pull back so I can run my lips along his cheek and neck. I pull back and make a face. I rub my mouth because it hurt and I sit up, glaring down at him like it was his fault.

"What?" he asks with a brow raised in question and his cheeks flushed.

"It burns," I tell him and he furrows his brows in worry. "Not like that," I say quickly, thinking of that ridiculous bond. "I meant, your beard thing that's growing on your face. It burns my lips."

He runs his hand up his neck and nods his head. "I'm sorry."

Draco says sorry.

I climb off of him and rest against his head board as he sits up to look at me with his elbows propped on the bed.

"I'm sorry too," I tell him as I look at his hands. "For being so terrible to you."

He doesn't say anything to that, so I pull him to me. Laying on my back as I let him settle between my legs, hovering above me.

Draco turns me on.

I kiss him again and I tug on the bottom of his shirt until he lets me pull it over his head. I run my hands down his chest. He looks down at me as I reach around to feel that scar on his back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him, complete honesty in my voice. "I'm so sorry about all of this... and I'm sorry about your grandfather," I tell him, thinking of Abarax Malfoy. "I'm sorry he died."

He leans down to press a sweet kiss to my lips, letting his weight rest on top of me as I settle my hands on his arms. I close my eyes as he places open mouthed kisses on my neck.

"I know you must miss your brothers a great deal. Life is never easy like we want it to be. I have learned that the hard way," he whispers against my ear before going back down to my neck. "I've wanted to kiss you for so long," he whispers to himself.

My neck...

I shake my head, trying to get the feeling of Tom's lips out of my mind. Sucking the blood from my body. I pull Draco's head up, back to my lips, to take my mind off of it. He brings his skilled hand up and gently runs up my stomach and breast. I inhale deeply as my insides starts to twist and spin wonderfully.

"You love me, right?" he asks gently as he pulls back.

"I love you," I say honestly as I pull him to me for another kiss.

He starts to rock against my body, letting me feel through his clothes just how turned on he is. My body responds to him shamelessly... until... until he starts rocking against me a little too hard and his hand comes up and grabs my wrist to hold me down... Then his kisses are too rough and his voice is too deep...His starts to pull down my pants and I freeze when they come off, fear gripping my heart as it all comes flooding back to me.

Like a tidal wave finally come to shore.

Tom.

The rapes.

The house.

The hits.

His weight on top of me.

I can't breathe.

I push Draco away from me and flip my body until I'm sitting at the edge of the bed with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.

"Gin."

Draco's behind me in an instant as I gasp and claw at my thighs, trying to get the images out of my mind. He kisses my shoulder and puts his hands over mine, stilling my nails digging into skin.

I clench my eyes shut and inhale deeply, trying not to push him away.

Just don't push him away.

"Let's just sleep," he says calmly against my ear. "I'll hold you," he says as he kisses my cheek. I shudder and he pulls back. "Come here."

I nod my head, sweat beading on my brow as I let him pull me back until I'm laying under the covers. I turn on my side and he pulls me into his arms, wrapping himself around me as I close my eyes, trying not to shake.

"A part of me hates going to sleep," I admit softly, seriously after I finally calm down.

He lifts his wand and snuffs out all of the lights, leaving us in the dark that makes me cling to him closer.

"What?" he whispers deeply against my hair as I try to settle my beating heart.

"Sleep," I say gently. "I hate going to sleep. I dream of terrible things... and when I do finally wake up, I always think I'm back in that horrible house with the Dark Lord's presence looming over me."

He's silent for a moment before he runs his lips over my ear.

It makes me shiver.

"What do you dream of?" he asks gently.

I lick my lips, staring at the darkness ahead of me. "Blood," I answer. "Always blood. Whole oceans of it. Sometimes I feel like I'll drown in it," I admit flatly as I feel his hand tighten around me.

"You are in luck," he says as he runs his fingers gently up my arm until he reaches the hand I have stuffed under the pillow. "I am in the possession of a very sturdy boat."

I hear the joke in his voice and I feel a little smile turn my lips as he intertwines his fingers with mine. "I am very fortunate indeed, then," I say as I squeeze his hand. "That you have a fake boat to help me during my nightmares. I foresee that being very helpful to me."

"Perhaps your dreams are the only front where I can not help," he says softly, running his lips over the shell of my ear. "But if you always fall asleep in my bed, I can assure you that you will wake up in safe arms."

I bring his hand up to my lips and place a gentle kiss against his skin.

Draco speaks so well sometimes.

He doesn't say anything more and I don't either as he holds me a little tighter. I keep his hand against my lips as I curl my body... He moves to set himself around me a little more comfortably and I kiss his hand again because we fit so well this way.

Draco cuddles.

I'm very grateful for that fact right about now as I snuggle against him. I haven't been held in months. I fall asleep a few hours later to his beating heart against my back.

I have no dreams. It's a blissful night.

It felt so good to sleep against Draco again. I didn't realize how much I missed it and each time I woke up, panicked that I was at Riddle Manor, he was right there to talk me down and pull me back into his warmth. He didn't even snap at me for waking him up so many times and right before dawn, I blinked awake again, expecting to find the four walls of the Riddle bedroom, but instead I see Draco's face.

He's asleep and he looks so handsome.

I sigh softly and lean forward to place a gentle kiss against his slack lips for being so good.

It's less threatening to kiss someone when they're practically passed out and I'm taking full advantage of it.

I smile with my hand in his hair... then I kiss him again.

And then again...

And then again...

And then...

"Are you trying to wake me up?" he mumbles after I pull back and I smile even though he doesn't open his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I press a kiss to his cheek, running my nose over his skin as he smirks.

I put another kiss underneath his ear and another on his jaw.

I pull back when he puts his hand on my face and he cracks his eyes open. "The sun isn't even up yet," he whispers as he lifts his head, tilting his face to the side as he brushes his lips against mine. "Did you dream of blood?" he whispers. "Should I fetch my boat?"

"I didn't dream of anything," I admit with a little smile, pressing another kiss to his lips. "We should go back to sleep," I say, catching onto his yawn as I yawn myself. "I am tired still," I mutter.

He rolls to his back and I tuck myself against him, putting my leg over his as he kisses the top of my head.

I fall back asleep.

When the sun is up and shining in the room, I wake again. Feeling cold, I reach for him, but he's not in the bed. I have a moment of panic, thinking the worst... thinking it was a dream. That I was really back in the Riddle house and Tom was going to come in and torment me, but when I hear the sink turn on in the bathroom, I inhale slowly in relief.

I sit up, rubbing my eyes from the sleep that clings to them as I glance to the bathroom. The door is slightly open, showing me Draco's reflection as he brushes his teeth. I get up and walk over to Daphne's forgotten camera and I snap a photo of the little bit of him that I can see. He doesn't notice. I smile a little, letting my heart warm over as as I grab his t-shirt and slink it over my head.

I approach him with quiet steps and when I open the bathroom door, he looks at me from his reflection.

"What are you doing up so early?" he asks. I walk further into the bathroom and I hop on the sink as he runs his toothbrush under the water. "I was going to let you sleep in."

I shrug and put the strap of the camera around my neck so it rests against my chest.

He doesn't say anything as he pulls his shaving kit from the medicine cabinet.

"Doing some spring cleaning?" I ask with my voice thick with sleep. I scoot back on the counter, resting my back against the large mirror as I draw my knees to my chest to watch him.

"Well, I don't want to burn off your skin every time I touch you," he says with a smirk as he opens his kit.

I watch him as he takes out his shaving cream and applies it to his face. He looks kind of silly with the fake white beard and I snap a picture of him with the camera Daphne had given me. I wonder if these will make the war time scrap book.

"You think this is photo worthy?" Draco asks. He looks towards the mirror and picks up one of his expensive metal razors.

"Yes," I answer. I snap another photo as he tilts his chin up to make the first motion with his blade. "You're so good looking," I admit softly as I take another photo.

I mean it. I love the way he looks. He might not have the smooth features that make Zabini so beautiful but he was just perfect for me.

I can't imagine a better looking man.

"Not as good looking as you," he says, sparing me a little glance before going back to shaving off that terrible facial hair.

I smile a little and feel a pleased blush on my cheeks.

"It's hard to believe we haven't wasted away staring at ourselves in the mirror, then," I tease as I take another photo. "With as pretty as we are."

I set the camera beside me to watch him as he works. After a few moments, I pick up his leather shaving kit and start peaking through it. It's all of his man grooming stuff and when I find his cologne, I take it out and read the label with my eyebrows raised. I take off the lid and sniff it, sighing softly at the familiar fragrance.

I had missed that.

"Do you like it?" he asks when I put the lid back on.

"I do," I nod my head. "You always smell so good."

"It's called bathing, Gin," he jokes and I splash some water at him as he laughs.

Then I look down at my legs, I raise my brows before taking out his shaving cream and a spare razor.

"What are you doing?" he asks as I lean over the sink to get my hands wet.

"You aren't the only one who's been neglecting your grooming habits," I tell him. I splash water on my legs before lathering them up.

"I wasn't going to say anything," he says as I put the ball of my left foot against the running faucet so I can steady my leg. "I thought you'd gone native."

I snort in laughter and shake my head as I start moving the razor against my skin. "It wasn't that bad," I say softly with my cheeks turning red.

He squeezes my foot and when I look up, he winks at me. I smile a little before he goes back to his face and I go back to my leg.

I bite my lip as I move the razor against my skin. He's almost finished by the time I move to my right leg and he sits back to just watch me for a while as I work.

He still has a bit of shaving cream on his face as he picks up the camera.

Before I can stop him he takes a picture of me and I push the lens away when he tries to take another. "Don't do that," I say quickly. "I look horrible."

"What are you talking about?" he asks as he backs up, leaning against the opposite wall as he fiddles with the focus, pointing it at me again. "You're beautiful."

I shake my head and I let him take a few more photos of me before he's had his fill. When he's finished, he sets it back down and places a kiss against my head. I roll my eyes and smile as he goes back to the water to wipe off his face.

I glance at my reflection.

"Do you think I look fat?" I blurt out as I run the blade under the water.

"What?" he asks with his brow raised as he uses a towel to dry off his face.

"Daphne said something about me gaining weight," I say with a frown as I glance at myself in the mirror again.

"Daphne's a moron," he says flatly. "You look fine."

I nod my head, believing it when he says it.

He puts on some after shave and I wash off my legs once I'm finished. "What do you think?" he asks as he bends down to me.

I bring my hand up to his face and run my knuckles over his cheek. "Much better," I say with a smile as he rubs his cheek against mine.

"No burn?"

"No burn," I whisper as he pulls back.

He hooks his hand under my knee and turns me until I'm facing him. He presses himself between my legs as he runs his hands up my calves.

"Better?" I ask with a blush as I put my hands on his chest, running my hands up to settle around his neck.

"I missed you so fucking much," he admits in a deep voice. He brings a hand up to my face as he studies each freckle and he sighs gently. "I will cut off his hand for hitting you," he whispers as he caresses my cheek, like he was remembering the smack at Clubhouse five.

I put my hand over his.

The old me would be horrified by what I'm about to say. The old me wouldn't even fathom it. But I'm not that stupid little girl anymore. I'm not that 'there's good in everyone' kind of person any longer. Ginny from a year ago wouldn't even recognize me.

"How about his head instead," I say, looking at his throat as he swallows.

"If that's what you want," he says darkly.

"That's what I want," I say quickly.

"Then that's what you'll get," he whispers before kissing me like we just made a romantic declaration.

He will twist you and turn you into something so far from what you originally were that you won't even be able to recognize yourself in the mirror.

Millicent Bulstrode said those words to me last summer. I glance at Draco before looking over my shoulder at the mirror again.

She was right.

But I don't care.

"I missed you too," I admit as I run my fingers over the top of his sleep pants.

I don't think I've told him that yet. I've been so cruel to him.

My hand starts to sneak below the waist band and his breath quickens just the slightest bit when I finally reach him.

Draco's sex doesn't hurt.

Well, that wasn't totally true. He was rough sometimes, but it was always consensual and he always made sure that I was taken care of too. I hold him in my hands firmly, gently searching like I had never done before.

When he's hard, and the top of his cheeks are tinted pink with arousal, I slip off the counter and kneel in front of him.

There is nothing pretty about the male anatomy. I try to avoid looking at it all together if I can, but there was something about Draco's that turned me on and I could feel my own arousal building between my legs as I helped him pull down his pants. Was it okay to be turned on after everything that's happened to me?

Draco's sex never hurt me. Rape wasn't sex anyways. Rape was violence and violence was disgusting. Sex was love and I loved Draco.

I lean forward to take him into my mouth, but he stops me.

I look up quickly, confused and little bit hurt.

What kind of guy would give up a blow job?

"What?" I ask pathetically as I sit back on my haunches. "Don't you want me to..."

"God yes," he says as he pulls up his pants. "You have no idea how tempting you're being right now."

"But..."

He doesn't say anything to that, he just pulls me up and I have a confused frown on my face as he looks me over.

"Draco, if you don't..."

"I do," he says gently as he bends down to brush his lips against mine with his hands tangled in my hair. "I really, really do," he breathes out as he runs his hands down my sides until they reach the bottom of his cotton under shirt.

He starts pulling it off and I lift my arms to help him.

"You have no idea how much I would love that," he says as he bends down to kiss my shoulder, pulling me closer with his hand on my hip. "Just thinking of your lips wrapped around me..." he trails off as his fingers slip across my midsection.

It speeds up my heart and I clutch at his arm as I lean my body into his.

"Just thinking about it..."

His hand slips under the fabric of my knickers and I quickly grab his wrist. He lets his forehead rest against mine.

"Please let me do this, babe," he whispers as he runs his fingers along my most sensitive spot. "Let me."

"I don't..." I close my eyes and rock against his hand. "I can't..."

I inhale a deep breath when I can't seem to find my voice.

I missed his fingers.

"I know," he says as he runs his lips against my neck. Then he slowly lowers himself down until he's kneeling in front of me. "I'm the one who should be on my knees right now," he says in a deep voice and it sends a pleasing shiver right up my spine.

"You don't..."

"I do," he cuts me off as he starts rolling my knickers down my legs. "I've been such a fool," he says as he places a kiss against my stomach... and then my thigh... and then my... "I'm so sorry, Ginny," he whisper before angling my hips and dipping his head down.

"Oh..." I whisper as he lifts my leg, resting it over his shoulder. "Draco..." I pull on his hair. I can't really say anything and he smiles up at me from his place between my legs.

"It's been way too long," he whispers and I arch my spine with my back angled oddly against the counter.

He uses his tongue and fingers and I tug my lower lip between my teeth as I look down at him. This was a good feeling, strange, but good none the less and it was something that Dark Lord would never do. I snort at the thought of him going down on any girl. It's almost ridiculous.

It is ridiculous, actually.

I thread my fingers through Draco's hair and arch my back when he hits a very sensitive part of me. I haven't had an orgasm in months either. I haven't even touched myself because it brought up too many bad memories for me... but what Draco was doing felt so good from what I went through... the dynamic was so different.

He pushes my legs a littler farther apart and my legs shake as I clutch at the counter, trying to keep my balance.

I almost forgot how good being intimate with someone felt.

I clench my eyes shut and try to keep my thoughts focused on how good it feels to have him touch me again. My body is heating up and my insides are tingling. It's a slow build, but he doesn't give me a moments rest and when I feel the beginning of that wonderful feeling, I have a hard time holding back a moan.

When my whole body starts to burst, I grip his hair and try not to rub against his face as he pulls back to finish me off with his fingers. I feel so warm and so good... I can't... I try to push him away because the feeling is too overwhelming, but he grabs my hand and finishes me off with his jaw clenched as he watches my face. When I'm done, I slump against the counter and he stands up, wiping off the back of his mouth with his hand.

"Was that alright?" he asks, looking down at me with a little smile on his face. "I've been out of practice."

I can't find my voice, so I nod my head.

"Thank you," I whisper as I lean forward to rest against his chest.

He pulls me into his arms and tucks my head under his chin as I close my eyes, trying to get my body under control.

I lick my lips and exhale slowly before pulling back and looking up at him. He looks so sweet right now. I take his hand and walk us from the bathroom and towards his bed. I take a seat on the edge and pull him to me as I scoot back on the mattress.

"You are not the Dark Lord," I say as I pull him on top of me.

"I am not," he says as he presses a kiss to my lips.

"When the war is over, what will you do?" I ask as I run my hands down his back, fingering that nasty scar.

I spread my legs a little wider as he rests on top of me, my body still humming from what happened in the bathroom. I want to give this to him. I want to be close to him too. He runs his fingers up my side, tickling my ribcage as he slides around to unhook my bra.

It's what I want.

"Finish school," he says as I rest against the pillow, running my hands down until I reach the top of his sleep pants. He runs his lips over my neck. "Go to University."

"Will it be that easy?" I ask him as I start to pull them down.

"After the Dark Lord is dead, the government will go back to being a three person tribunal like it was before the Modern Ministry came into effect after the dark ages," he says as I reach between our bodies and he nearly hisses when I find him under the covers. "My father will be one of the three."

I want to ask him how he's so sure, but I wouldn't doubt that Lucius Malfoy would find his way in there.

"I will finish school and further my education once the country starts to heal," he says. He reaches out to touch my hair as I start to guide him into me... into a place where I thought I would never want to be touched again. "By the time I'm old enough we'll be back to elected officials."

I glance at him with a worried frown as he starts to sink into me. The feeling is so good that I bite my lower lip and try not to make a whimpering sound.

"I will run for the wizongamot until I reach the Order of Merlin first class," he says softly, closing his eyes once he's completely inside and we both take a moment to let out a breath of relief. "Once I have my strong hold there, Zabini will run for Minister of Magic."

"Zabini?" I whisper harshly and he nods his head as he slowly pulls back only to go in once more. "Why Zabini?"

"He's a good liar," he admits, placing a kiss against my lips. "And people like him better than me."

"I don't like him better than you," I say softly and he gives me a little smile as he sets a slow and steady pace. "And if anything goes wrong, they'll blame him instead of you?" I ask and he nods.

I know that's the way he thinks. It's not surprising.

"What's the point of all of that?" I ask. I turn my head to the side, putting my palm against his neck.

"I want to make our world be as it should be," he says as he reaches down to wrap one of my legs around his waist.

"And how should it be?" I ask as I lock my ankles behind his back. "What is the most important thing to you?" I add, thinking of Tom and what he would say.

He would say power. Always power.

"Truth," Draco says seriously before leaning down and giving me a long open mouthed kiss. "And you," he whispers against my lips as he picks up his pace.

"But truth first," I say gently before kissing his shoulder.

"You are my truth," he whispers before sucking on my earlobe.

I don't even know what that means, but that's a sweet spot of mine and it makes my back arch.

"Fuck," he whispers with his eyes clenched shut as he holds onto my thigh. "It's been too long," he whispers to himself as he picks up his pace, his voice becoming breathless.

I missed how Draco's sex felt and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes as I kissed him, cutting off our conversation so I could focus on his body against mine. How right it felt and how stupid I had been for avoiding him for so long.

Maybe this year... what had happened to me was his fault. I felt that way for a long time at Riddle Manor... but like he said, he was loving me and protecting me the only way he knew how... and right now I was loving the way he was loving me.

I didn't even think once about Tom because his sex was never sex in the first place.

When Draco tells me he loves me, I kiss him again and I ride out another amazing tremor in my body before he cusses to himself.

"It's been too long," he says in frustration with his head dropped against mine. "I can't..."

"It's okay," I whisper to him, sweat at my temples at I run my fingers through his hair. "It's okay, babe," I press a kiss to his lips.

"You feel so good," he whispers in a strangled voice as he bites his lower lip.

"Draco," I whisper, pulling his lips to mine to kiss him gently. "It's okay."

After a few more moments, he finally lets go with his jaw clenched and he kisses me hard as he thrusts a few more times before relaxing against me completely.

He lets out a long breath and stays between my legs as I comb my fingers through his hair with a little smile on my face.

I missed being close to him.

"I knew what you were doing... when you had that dagger in your hands at Folk Hills," he says softly after a moment of silence.

"What?" I ask with my brows furrowed in confusion as I run my hands down his shoulders and back.

"Why would you do that?" he asks as he pulls up to look at me. "You knew that it would kill you."

I lick my lips as I think of where my thoughts were during that time at Folk Hills. How sad and lonely I was... How I just wanted it to be over and the Dark Lord to be dead.

"Did you know about the Horocrux?" I ask softly. "Did you know I was attached to it?" I ask as I think about the marks on my body and the books on blood magic he was always reading.

"When I found out, I knew I could find a way to separate your soul from it. I just needed more time," he says flatly as he looks down at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, my voice soft and barely a whisper as I touch his face.

He shrugs. "I didn't want to frighten you."

"It was too late for that," I tell him flatly as I let my hand fall to the bed. "I..." I blink and look away, with his body still pressed into mine. "I don't think you realize how I felt then. I was so lonely, scared all the time. I hadn't heard from anyone in months... and when you came and told me that they were getting Hermione out first... I thought..."

I trail off and shake my head.

"I thought of course they would get her first." I whisper bitterly. "No one cared about me. Tom had been telling me that and I believed it. You can't possibly understand. I just didn't care. I wanted it to be over."

"I understand now," he says gently, leaning down to kiss me again. "I never want you to feel that way again. It would kill me, Ginny, if you gave yourself up like that. You mean too much to me."

"The most important thing is the truth," I change the subject and I look away, bringing up our earlier conversation. "What's the truth?" I whisper as he leans closer to me. "Why do you care so much about our government?"

"I think that there's a ladder of hierarchy in the world," he explains. "And wizards and witches," he says, placing a kiss on my cheek as he finally rolls to my side, leaving my body cold. "Are on top and it's within our rights to make sure the world knows that."

"What does that even mean?" I whisper as I turn on my stomach to view him better. I know full well what that means, but daring him to say it out loud.

"It means, that we shouldn't be hidden," he says as he looks past my left shoulder. "We shouldn't be killing each other, and we shouldn't let people born of muggles dictating to us."

"You still think that way," I whisper. "After everything?"

"I still think that way because of everything," he admits and I run a hand over my face.

I make a face at the thought and how closely to the Death Eater's creed that is and he sees it.

"I never try to change your beliefs," he says as he searches my face. "It's unfair that you think mine are so disgusting."

"If I believed in throwing kittens into fires I think you'd be disgusted with that."

"Those aren't my beliefs and you know it," he says flatly. "I am not the Dark Lord, we just established that," he says seriously. "I don't want to kill everyone who looks at me wrong," he says, bringing his hand up to hold my earlobe. "I just want the world to be a better place than how it was when I was born," he says seriously.

I shrug out of his embrace and stand up with the sheet wrapped around me. "I just want things to be like they were before Tom Riddle came back and ruined everything."

"Things weren't perfect then either," he says. "Things are always changing. There are always flaws that need to be worked out."

"You talk like it's going to be a Utopia for magical people, but what about muggles and other creatures in our world? No one should be second class citizens, Draco," I tell him seriously. "No one."

"What do you think we are?" he counters with his brow raised. "Why don't you go into any muggle town and walk into their church. They have them on every corner. Tell them what you are and see what they do."

I don't know much about that, so I bite my lip and look away.

"Don't look so troubled," he whispers as he stands up. He runs his finger over my worried brow. "Let's talk about something else."

Thinking of his future plans for the world makes me feel insignificant and I glance at him quickly before looking at his throat.

"I thought a lot about you when I..." I trail off awkwardly as he sits down on the bed, pulling me onto his lap. "I mean... when I was locked away in that house... I thought about you a lot."

He brings his hand up and starts running his fingers through my hair.

"I fantasized about living with you. You know, like when you said that thing about me being able to write and stay home with kids and all that stuff?"

"It doesn't have to be that way," he says gently. "You can do what you want."

I lick my lips. "What if... What if I don't want you to do that government stuff?" I say as I look into his eyes. "I mean, it actually sounds kind of nice... writing and staying home. I don't think I would mind that... I know I was angry when you brought it up that first time, but I think if you hadn't dictated it to me like you had, I would have wanted it on my own."

He furrows his brows.

"But, I just... I think if you're off trying to rewrite history... what happens to me?" I ask, blinking hard, feeling selfish but not able to hold back. "Will you still... will you still be around?" I ask, trying to figure out the proper way to say this. "I feel like my whole life, I've just been trading in one prison for the next, and I can't do that anymore. I cant...I can't do that. I don't want that life if I'm not... "

I can't say it... it's just too selfish.

He runs his hand down my arm. "If you're not what?" he asks.

"If I'm not the most important thing in your life." My eyes get wet as I pull away from him, feeling incredibly horrible for saying that out loud. "I know that's not fair... things are always more important, but I just... for once in my life... I want to feel like someone can't live without me. I know that makes me a bad person for wanting that," I whisper to myself as I cross my arms.

"Ginny," he says, tilting my face towards him. "If you don't realize already that you are the most important thing to me, than I have no idea how else to convince you. If I could have your love always, I would live in a shack if I had to."

"No, you wouldn't," I snort as I cross my arms.

A little smile tilts his lips.

"You hold a lot more power over me than I would like to admit to anyone." He brings a hand up to my hair. "You are the only person I will allow to have that kind of advantage." He leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth. "You're my queen."

Queen Ginny.

"I don't want to be a queen," I whisper and he puts his forehead against mine.

"Then what should I call you?" he asks seriously.

I have no idea.

"If I'm a queen, does that make you my king?" I ask curiously and he pulls back to look down at me.

"No," he says seriously. "That makes me your slave."

I laugh at the thought of Draco being subservient to anyone, let alone me. The thought is ridiculous and just as I opened my mouth to tell him so, there was a sharp knock on the door that brought us out of the conversation.

"Who is it?" he asks sharply.

I move to find my clothes to put back on. No sense in letting someone come in seeing me so unclothed.

"Your father wants us to pick up the post at Diagon Alley in half an hour," That's Harry voice and when Draco opens the door, I turn my back on them to quickly button my pj top. "He says its important that we comply."

"How long will we have to be there?" Draco asks sharply as he walks towards his dresser to get a pair of slacks.

"Most of the night. The troops are gathering down the street..." he trails off and I'm sure he sees me now. He coughs uncomfortably and I glance at him over my shoulder.

"Hi, Harry," I say once I'm completely dressed and Draco disappears into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

"Hi..." he trails off awkwardly and then he rubs the back of his neck as he glances at the bed and then to me... and then to the bed.

I sigh loudly as I slip on my shoes.

"Is there going to be a fight?" I ask and he shakes his head as he looks away from me. I hear the sink in the bathroom and I take a step closer to Harry as he stands in the doorway... looking uncomfortable.

"I doubt it," he says as he pushes his glasses up. "Someone probably just left the post without signing out. It happens all the time."

"Oh..." I trail off and look at the bed... He looks too and when he sees my bra just kind of... lying there... his cheeks turn bright red.

He looks away quickly as I try to be nonchalant about covering it up with the blanket.

The silence is suffocating and I breathe a sigh of relief when Draco comes back into the room.

He's dressed in a dark striped shirt and black jeans and when I he sees me, he smiles. I smile back and go to pick up his wand from the side table so I can give it to him.

"I'll...uh..." Harry fumbles with his words and Draco spares him and irritated glance as I hand him his wand. "I'll see you guys down stairs."

"Bye, Harry," I give him a small wave as he walks off.

"I'll walk you to the fireplace."

He takes my hand and intertwine my fingers with his as we leave his room. He explains to me what the posts in Diagon Alley are for and why he and Harry have to do it. They're both quick with their wands, he tells me, and they don't like each other, so there's no chance of them talking to one another... There's no chance of them missing something because they're not paying attention.

It was actually kind of funny the way he was describing it. He wouldn't make friends with Harry even if his life depended on it and it seems to be the same on the other side as well. But they were civil to one another now, even though sometimes, Draco says he wants to pick up a rock and throw it at Harry's head just to see if he can hit his scar.

When we get down stairs, Blaise is in the hallway. I clench my hand around Draco's when he notices us , but Draco doesn't even acknowledge him as we walk past. He was leaning against the wall, but he stands straight as we pass and I see him zero his gaze down at our linking hands before making a face and walking off.

I felt guilty for half a second before Draco leaned down and kissed me.

When we got to the fire place, Draco put his hand on the mantle place, caging me against it as he smirked down at me.

His mood has brightened considerably and I felt happy that I could do that to him.

"Be safe, yes?" I say and he nods.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be," he admits. "It might be close to midnight when I finally get back."

"Midnight?" I whisper in surprise and he nods his head.

"Can I come to you afterwords?" he asks gently as he tucks some hair behind my ear. "I doubt your family would appreciate me showing up so late. I might have to sneak into your room," he says with a smile. "Like old times."

"That would be fine," I nod my head and let him kiss me. I put my hand on his chest when he tries to deepen the kiss. "Later?"

He nods his head and winks at me before turning the knob and pushing me in.

I land at Shell Cottage with a smile on my face, only to find my Mother in the kitchen... sitting at the table like she was waiting for me.

"Hi?" I say awkwardly as I try to make myself look less... guilty.

"Where have you been?" She asks, her voice taking on a very familiar edge.

The 'I'm your mother and you will listen to me' edge.

"Out," I say as I bring a hand up to my neck... I haven't had to answer to anyone in so long that I didn't even realize that staying the night with Draco would affect others.

"All night?" she asks with her eyes narrowed. "You can't just stay out all night."

"It's not like I'm staying 'out'," I tell her with a hand on my hip. "I only have two other options. I can't go to a club or anything."

"I don't appreciate your tone, Ginny," she says, pointing a wooden spoon at me.

I snort, but cover it with a cough. I just can't believe this conversation. I'm not very sure about this scolding... it seems so silly after everything that's happened... but when I look at my Mom... with her tired eyes and frizzy hair... I know she's reaching for normalcy.

I can give her that.

"I'm really sorry," I tell her. "I won't do it again," I add, trying to hide my smile. " I'll go my room and think about it."

"Wait..." she trails off. "Yeah," she nods her head. "Yeah, you go to your room and you stay there until I call you down for lunch."

I smile as I leave the room and shake my head at how weird that is. I jog up the stairs and when I get to my room... I pull out my note book. My entries seem to be more and more pleasant now and I bite my lip as I start writing about Draco.

I get called down for lunch and I pretend to look sorry as I eat my sandwich. Then I go back upstairs again and spend the rest of the night by myself, playing with Henry and reading a book to pass the time until Draco comes.

Sometime during the night, I venture down the hall to use the loo and on my way back, I hear Pansy's voice carrying through Daphne's room.

I pause a second, debating whether I should knock and say hi.

"You can't marry him, you know," I hear her say as I bring my hand up to rap against the wood. "He's a Weasley."

I put my hand down.

"Draco has a Weasley," I hear Daphne pout and I can't help but think they're talking about me like I was a breed of dog.

"Draco has the means to take care of Ginny," Pansy whispers. "If you married George Weasley, who would take care of you?"

"My parents..."

"Your father would cut you off," Pansy cuts in and I tilt my head to hear better. "You know better than that."

"George is smart," Daphne says.

"George is a Hogwarts drop out who hasn't even tried to fuck you yet," I blink hard at the blunt and terrible way she's talking. "I think being here by yourself has messed with your mind," Pansy hisses hatefully. "You don't even know if he likes you."

Someone stands up and I back away from the door.

"You're a beautiful witch with wealth and pedigree on your side. Stop trying to settle for the closest thing with a dick. At least try to find someone who will have a few coins to rub together after this fucking war."

I make a face at her words.

"You're being awfully rude," Daphne snaps. "I take it your so pissed off because Zabini refuses to screw you."

I hear someone scoff.

"Because he's too busy trying to screw Ginny Weasley," Daphne sings like it was a song and my cheeks heat.

"Well, we all know that's not going to happen, now don't we?" Pansy's voice is full of venom.

"Do we?" Daphne asks cruelly.

"It's not polite to spy on people," someone whispers in my ear. I jump and spin around.

It's Draco, and he's smirking at me.

"I..." I trail off awkwardly and he smiles at me.

"Come on," he takes my hand. "Stop listening to those catty bitches."

I let myself get pulled to my bedroom.

I climb onto my bed as he heels out of his shoes. "How was the post thing?" I ask as I watch him unbuckle his belt.

"It was alright," he says and then he flicks me a glance as he pulls out his belt, setting it on the side table. "Boring as fuck."

I give him a thoughtful look as he takes out his wand, placing it beside his belt. I've been doing nothing with my time back. I've been selfish. "Draco..." He looks at me as I knot my fingers. "I'm... I'm kind of strong," I tell him and he gives me a funny smile. "I mean, my magic can be strong. I could help, join the rebel fighters."

"It would be too dangerous for you to go out, babe," he says softly, like he thought I would snap at him for it. "The Death Eaters would jump at a chance to capture you. You're the only thing that could help the Dark Lord get healthy again. We can't... I can't risk you like that."

I nod my head in understanding, thinking of all the restrictions I always seem to have.

"I'm good at things now," I say to myself. "Tom taught me."

"Why do you call him that?" he asks hatefully as his watch joins his wand and belt on the table.

"What? Tom?" I asks and he nods sharply. "Because that's his name."

He shakes his head and sits beside me, putting my face in his hands. "That's not his name, not anymore. He hasn't been a man in a very long time, Ginny."

I shrug and push his hand off.

"I can do wandless magic," I tell him. "Not everything, but enough to help."

"I know," he gives me a little smile. "Every time I see green flames I know it's you." he touches my hair. "You set everything on fire."

I give him a look before allowing him to kiss me as the moon shines in through my window.

When the seventh moon is in the second house...

I push him back and straddle his waist.

A powerful union between to the two families...

I kiss his jaw and unbutton his pants. I look up when one of the candles on the nightstand flickers to life.

Will set the world on fire...

The flame is green.

Like a snake.

"Why are you crying?" He asks with a frown on his face as I inhale a deep breath, my eyes stinging with tears.

"You killed him," I say with a trembling lip as I sit with my legs crossed on the blanket, trying not to out right sob.

"It was just a spider, Gin," Draco says as he looks at me like I was being ridiculous. "And it was crawling on my arm."

I am being ridiculous. I can't help it. I just feel so sensitive lately.

"I know," I say with a shaking voice as I wipe away more annoying tears with the back of my hand. "But what if it had a family?"

He snorts and shakes his head as he reaches out to squeeze my calf. "It was just a spider. No reason to cry," he says and I nod my head as I try to catch my breath.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I admit in a quiet voice. "Everything is making me cry," I say and it's true. I started crying earlier today when Ron said I looked tired just because I thought he meant that I looked bad.

It's getting out of hand, really.

"I guess I'm just all out of sorts because of the war," I whisper as I wipe away more tears. "And what happened with Bill."

Bill has been missing for two days. He went on a mission with four others to find a warlock to help with the cause. They found half the group dead... hanging from a black tree in Knockturn Alley with the dark mark carved into their chests. Bill and an Order member named Jillian haven't been found.

My family has been in a tail spin ever since.

He nods his head as he sits back to stare at me. We're outside, sitting under one of the willow trees inside the well warded grounds around Shell Cottage. I love being outside and, even though it's really hot out today, I would rather be hot than inside... cooped up like I was at Riddle Manor.

I tilt my head back and inhale the fresh air as I adjust my gray dress. It's one of the only ones I can wear now. It's a cotton blend, almost like the material of the t-shirts Draco wears to bed, and it has small cap sleeves that cover my shoulders. It has a stretch to it and falls around my knees. All my other clothes are a little too tight now...

"I'm hungry," I say out loud because it's true... my stomach is growling.

"What do you want?" Draco asks flatly as he picks a piece of grass and twirls it in his fingers.

He's fiddling with things. He doesn't enjoy wasting time like this... sitting out here when there are so many plans to be made inside... but he's doing it for my enjoyment and my sanity. With so much sadness around me right now, I can't handle being cooped up, listening to people cry.

"I don't know," I admit as I touch his hand, still wrapped around my calf to show that I do appreciate his company. "I don't know why I'm so hungry. I just ate. I'm getting pudgy," I whisper, half hoping he'll contradict my statement to make me feel better.

It so silly, really. After all that I had been through I have no idea why I even care what I look like.

He's silent for a moment and then he flicks me a little look. He got his hair cut yesterday, bringing it back to it's former glory and I smile at it before he speaks.

"You're not pudgy," he says and I give him a grateful half smile even though all of my clothes that I can't wear would protest. "But you have gained weight."

I let that smile fall and tears sting my eyes as he sits up. How could he say that to me? I deserve to gain weight after all I've been through! I open my mouth to tell him all that before he reaches out to touch my face.

"Don't cry," he says quickly. "I'm not pointing that out to be mean. You have gained weight," he says again and I actually start crying in full. "But it's all right here," he says as he lets his hand drop to my stomach.

Then I get it.

Then I shake my head.

"No.."

"The crying... the mood swings.. Throwing up..." I shake my head as he keeps going. "Ginny, when was the last time you had your..." He trails off and I push his hand off my stomach.

"My what?" I spit out harshly and he rubs his eye with the heel of his right palm.

"You know what I'm asking," he replies sharply. "This is uncomfortable for me to talk about too."

"I've had it," I hiss at him, knowing full well he's talking about something men and women shouldn't talk about with each other. "I can't believe you would even say that to me!"

"It's a possibility, Gin," he says seriously as I struggle to get to my feet. "You know it is."

"No, it's not!" I scream because it can't be... because I won't allow it to be.

"Sweetheart-"

"No," I snap with my hands up. "No pet names."

"It's okay," he says, approaching me quietly as I turn away from him with my hands on my hips. "It's okay," he whispers, reaching out to touch my back. "We would be fine if that's the case," he says and I start breathing heavily. "I don't mind, Ginny."

"You were the one who said that disgusting thing about abortion," I tell him hotly, trying not to have a panic attack.

It's too hot outside now.

"I was just trying to make you feel better," he says softly. "I wanted to give you options."

"What about your plan? You said teenage pregnancy would be a stain on your reputation."

He sighs loudly and steps even closer, kissing the back of my head. "There's always a surplus of young pregnancies during wartime. It would be okay," he repeats, bringing his hand up to squeeze my arm. "We could do it. You're safe now."

I step away from him with my arms crossed tightly over my chest as I close my eyes.

"I'm not pregnant, Draco," I say flatly, coldly.

"Alright," he says gently. "I still think you should have a healer-"

"I'm not pregnant!" I scream. I actually scream and a bird flies off of a branch overhead from the noise.

"Gin..."

"No," I hold up my hand. "This conversation is over."

"Why are you being so abrasive about this?" he asks sharply. "I'm trying to be nice. It's obvious to me and everyone else that something is happening to your body... "

"Everyone else?" I snap as I face him full on. "Who else has been talking about it?"

"Everyone who knows I've been fucking you," he says and I flinch at the terrible way he's speaking.

I curl my fists and tense my jaw. "Stop talking like that," I say in a low voice and he runs his hand over his face before giving me a look.

"Ginny, I am trying to be patient." I roll my eyes, like it's hard for Draco to act like a decent human being and he should be given a pat on the back when he tries. "You drank the counter potion to birth control. We were together multiple times after that... " he pauses a second before taking a step closer to me, trying to calm his temper by inhaling deeply. "It makes sense if you're showing now. Unless you've been fucking any guys I don't know about there's only one possibility I can draw."

That last sentence cut me like a knife and I really feel like turning around and running away from him. To where? I have no idea... but I can't seem to move. I just keep on staring at him as pictures of Tom and his forcefulness run through my mind.

I exhale slowly before glancing at him with my hands on my back... like a pregnant woman. I quickly let my hands drop and turn away from him again.

"I didn't have sex with anyone else. Not by choice," I say out loud for the first time and I hold my breath as Draco stares at my back. "The Dark Lord... he..."

I couldn't seem to say that terrible word out loud.

"What?" He finds his voice after a few long moments and I turn to face him.

"The night of the battle of Hogwarts.. when I went away," I tell him as he stays stone still, watching my face with his hands curled into fists at his side. "I blacked out for a moment," I explain to him. "When I woke up.. I thought I was in bed with you," I tell him as I remember it.

I feel sick.

"It was a spell or a curse or something," I fumble for words as he stares at me so closely I feel like he might burn my soul. "But he... I thought it was you. We were doing it all the time and I guess I was confused..." I tell him as I look at his shoes, realizing how stupid I was to think it was him. How stupid and naïve and ridiculous. "I would have fought if I knew it was him. I..." I trail off and blink away burning tears. "I thought it was you."

He doesn't say anything. I feel embarrassed and ashamed talking about this. This was the thing that never happened and as he stares at me I knew that I shouldn't have freaking said anything. I should have kept it to myself. I shouldn't have told him...

"The spell wore off... but I wasn't strong enough," I wipe away tears and shake my head. "The second time..."

"The second time?" he interrupts in a deadly voice as I turn towards the willow tree.

"I tried to fight, but he's bigger than me," I explain like it was my fault it happened as tears slide down my cheeks. "He was so mad because I killed Nagini and he... he was being so rough... I couldn't stop him... it hurt too much..." I exhale a long, shaking breath. "I tried..."

I can't finish. I just can't do it anymore and I cover my eyes before and I realize something. I almost panic as I think of the rest of my family finding this out.

"You can't tell anyone," I tell him as I look into his eyes. He looks so cut off right now and I approach him carefully. "You can't let anyone know. My mother," I cover my mouth with my hand when I think of it and then I reach out to touch his wrist. "They can't handle it. Especially now with Bill missing. Please, Draco, you can't tell anyone that he did that to me. You can't tell anyone."

He pulls away from me, running his hands over his face and exhaling slowly.

He turns around and I feel so fragile as I stare at his strong back. Then it all comes crashing down on me. Of course he would turn away. Draco was always such a jealous boyfriend... even if I looked at someone a little too long for his liking he would get pissed off. He probably can't even look at me now knowing I let someone else do that to me.

Of course he would think it was my fault. He thought it was my fault when I signed the contract that got me into that position... I shouldn't have let the Dark Lord do that to me. I should have kept fighting. I'm such an idiot.

"I tried to stop him," I whisper to his back, thinking he must think I'm untouchable now.

Disgusting and untouchable.

"I didn't want to," I say with a cry in my voice. "I tried to stop him. I fought him. I did." I'm stuttering like an idiot now. "A-And... I had some birth control that Ruth Davenport gave me. I took it as soon as I could but I threw it all up as soon as I drank it. I should fought harder, but I couldn't."

I kept fumbling through my thoughts on the matter and I didn't even realize he said my name until he was standing right in front of me with his hands on my cheek, tilting my face to his.

"No more crying," he says as he wipes away tears. "We will not cry anymore," he says seriously.

"But..."

"I've been in denial," he says as he leans down to brush his lips against mine. "I could feel when our bond was broken. I knew what that implied, but I didn't want to believe it." He presses his forehead against mine. "I love you so much."

He kisses me.

"This choice is yours," he says seriously. "But there is a chance, that if you are pregnant... it could be mine," he whispers. "The Dark Lord isn't a man anymore. It would be harder for him to... to produce that kind of outcome," he adds uncomfortably.

"You won't just tell me what I should do?" I snap, rather unfairly, considering he's being so sweet.

He doesn't say anything to that.

A loud bang disrupts us and we turn towards the cottage. It was a strange noise, and we shared a look before another loud bang shook the earth and nearly made me topple to the ground. Someone screams from the cottage and Draco and I start rushing towards the house. I find Fleur in the kitchen, with her face pale and her hands shaking. Draco asks her whats wrong but she just points to the doorway.

We walk with cautious steps into the living room.

What I see makes my stomach drop.

The Dark Lord's army has surrounded the perimeter of the wards. There were hundreds of them and my mother yelps in surprise when she comes rushing down the stairs to see.

"I will get my father," Draco whispers before disappearing into the kitchen.

I walk closer to the window. Daphne is leaning against the couch, watching the Death Eaters gather with her eyes blinking rapidly.

"How does he still have so many people following him?" she whispers worriedly. "They can't get through these wards," she whispers with a frightened expression on her face. I glance to my left where Harry is and we share a look. "The Malfoy's did them. They have the best wards ever... they can't get in."

Order members start to come in through the fireplace with their wands ready. I watch them crowd into the room before turning back to the window. A cloud of black smoke appears, soaring high into the air before it lands with a loud bang in front of the hoard of masked Death Eaters.

I swallow hard.

I know exactly who that is and as he materializes, I move back... like the distance would help.

I keep retreating, basically hiding behind my other family members as my breath quickens to an unhealthy level.

I can see him through the bodies of the Order as I keep moving back until I hit a wall. He paces in front of the wards. It's hard to see from here, but I can tell that his black cloak is lined with purple silk. I get a glimpse of it as the fabric billows behind him, the only flash of color in the mob of black and grays.

I didn't realize my hand was shaking until someone grabs it and I look up in surprise as Draco steps beside me.

"Breathe," he whispers because he can tell I'm starting to lose it.

"What's he doing?" I hear my mother's voice as more Order members come in, filling the room to it's max. "He can't get in."

"He has something you want," I hear Lucius Malfoy from the kitchen and I freeze. "Look," he says, walking towards the window and pulling back the curtain with his wand. The Order members part like the red sea to let him through. "Notice the two captives towards the right. Don't they look familiar?"

"That's Bill and Jillian," Ron says and I drop Draco's hand to get a closer look.

"He wants to talk," I whisper as I watch the Dark Lord pace and bark demands to the people behind him.

This is why they took Bill and the other Order member. I can see Yaxley and his pig nose right behind Tom and my throat gets so tight I feel like I might pass out.

"He would have killed them by now," I add as the people in the room send me sideways looks.

There's a silent pause as my words sink in and then someone shoots a curse right at Bill's throat.

Fleur screams behind me and someone tries to calm her down as Bill's body slumps to the side. After a silent moment, he stands straight and the Dark Lord walks towards him. I watch as Tom grabs his shoulder, pulling him close to hiss in his ear.

"What's he doing?" I hear Ron ask as I bite my lower lip.

"Bill can walk through the wards," Draco points out as the Dark Lord clenches his leather clad hand on my brother's shoulder.

He makes a motion with his hand. Someone comes up behind him and places a dagger... the dagger... in his palm. The Dark Lord says something else to Bill and then presses the dagger into Bill's waiting hand.

We all watch as my older brother walks through the ward barrier with the dagger clenched in his fingers. He pauses a few yards from the cottage and Fleur goes to run out the door, but my father pulls her back.

"He's cursed," he explains. "We must be cautious."

"Well, then let us go see what he has to say, shall we?" Lucius Malfoy says with a sharp eyebrow raised.

I get pulled back by my mother and I watch with dread in my stomach as Draco's father and my father approach my cursed brother with careful steps.

It's a heated argument that none of us can hear and then I cover my mouth when Bill lunges at Dad with the knife ready to strike. A few others from the Order run out to help as Bill wrestles my father to the ground. I watch as Lucius Malfoy tries to subdue him before... before Bill turns around and buries the blade right into the older Malfoy's chest.

Then all hell breaks loose.

People run past me to get outside and others pull me back. "We need to get you out of here!" My mother yells as she grabs my arm and drags me to the kitchen. "The fireplace must be barred so it won't compromise the other two camps."

"What?" I ask with a furrowed brow as she grabs some floo powder from the pot and stuffs it in my hands.

I look through the open door to try to find Draco, but it's of no use. There's too much commotion going on.

"Ginny," she says seriously as she grabs my face. "Lucius Malfoy was our secret keeper. His death means the cottage is compromised. You must leave now."

"The death eater's can get in?" I ask in a panicked voice.

I hear yells and screams outside as more Order members come in through the fireplace with panicked looks of alarm on their faces. A red light starts flashing on the mantle and I hear Henry hiss when someone steps on his tail. He hides under the kitchen table and I watch him as he glares at the world.

"There's not much time!" she yells as I back into the wall. "The fireplace will shut down once that red light stops flashing. Ginny, you have to leave."

She grabs my arm again and, just before she throws me into the grate, I stop her.

"Henry."

"What?" she snaps like a mad woman.

"Henry. I can't leave him!" I go to pick him up, but he runs from under the table and hops up on the counter by the sink... where the window is open...

"Don't be mental," she hisses at me as she tries to pry my fingers off the mantle, keeping me from stepping into the grate. "Leave!"

She doesn't understand what Henry means to me.

"It's just a cat. He'll be fine."

She really doesn't get it. Henry is more than just a cat to me and when he jumps outside, I know I have to get him and bring him back.

My mother is old and out of shape, so it's easy for me to maneuver around her. Once she realized what was happening, she opened her mouth to scold me, but I pushed her into the grate and turned the knob twice until she disappeared into the network.

When she was gone, the light on the mantle stopped flashing and black bars slammed down in front of the fireplace opening.

I swallowed hard, but when I heard a window shatter somewhere towards the front of the cottage, I knew that Lucius Malfoy was dead and the death eaters were coming.

My heart ached for Draco and what losing his father would mean to him, but when a curse came flying just past my head and shattered a container of flour, I knew I had to do something.

I needed to find Henry.

He favored the thicket of woods not far away from the beach. I picked up my mother's discarded wand, running out the back door and heading towards the woods as the fight waged behind me.

"Henry," I call as I run between the trees. I know the noises must have scared him and he's hiding somewhere.

I fumble over a tree branch and catch myself on a thin stocked tree. I call his name again and pause when I think I hear a meow. I hold my breath and when I hear it again, I take tentative steps towards the noise until I find him huddled under a log.

"What are you doing?" I ask in relief as I pull him out. He's shaking and he resists as I try to rip him from his safe place. "It's okay," I whisper against his fur as I pull his trembling body to my chest. "I will protect you."

If I can get further out, I can Apparate. Maybe once I get him to safety I can come back and help the Order. I pause a second to look around me before clenching my fingers around the wand and taking off again with Henry's reluctant body against my own. As I scurry through the woods, I can hear footsteps... running towards me...

I panic and pick a rather large tree to hide behind. I see two dark figures chasing one smaller person with dark hair when I peek around the trunk with Henry held in a death grip.

I know her instantly.

It's Pansy and I bite my lower lip as she throws a curse over her shoulder, hitting one of the masked death eaters in the face.

The person falls to the ground and doesn't get up. I assume he or she is dead and so does the person who was running beside them because an anguished scream came from the other Death Eater. It was a woman and she tears off her mask to reveal her face.

It was Alecto Carrow and she looked insane.

I would bet that the robed person who just went down was her brother.

"You traitorous little bitch!" she hissed as Pansy sprinted straight towards the tree I was hiding behind. "I'm going to gut you like a fish!" she screams and Henry jumps from the noise.

He freaks and fumbles out of my arms.

"Henry, no," I whisper as I watch him take off to hide once more. "Damnit," I whisper to myself right before I hear Pansy fall to the ground with a yelp of pain.

My focus shifts back to her as she scrambles on her back, holding her shoulder. It's oozing blood all over her hand so I know it must be bad.

Alecto has a pleased little smile on her face as she approaches Pansy and I clench my mother's wand as tightly as I was holding Henry.

"I am going to kill you," she says with her rotted teeth showing with a demented smile. "Like I killed your father at the battle of Hogwarts. Then I will bring your skin to the Dark Lord so he can hang it on the ministry walls with the rest of the betrayers. So future generations can see what happens to blood traitors!"

She lifts her wand, but I lift mine faster and I disarm her quickly. Her wand flies in the air and smacks against a tree, cracking it in half. She looks frightened for a moment until I step out from behind the tree with my wand raised at her chest... then she smiles.

"You," she says like we were old friends... Like she was pleased to see me. "We've been waiting for you," she says as she pulls back her sleeve to reveal the dark mark. She places her thumb against it and it starts to darken into a deep and dark red.

"Kill her, Ginny," I hear Pansy say as I look into the eyes of the crazy woman whom I've hated. "Don't even think about-"

I threw the curse even before she could finish her sentence and Carrow had a shocked look on her face as she fell to her knees. Then she slumped forward in the dirt.

"What curse was that?" Pansy asks as I walk towards her to take a look at the wound on her shoulder.

I shrug. I'm not even sure if it was a real curse or not. It just kind of happened. "She's not dead," I point out as I pull back some material from the gash on her arm. "Just knocked out."

"Let me remedy that for you," she says as she sits up and takes my wand, pointing it at Carrow with a sneer on her face. "I never liked her," she says before shooting the killing curse at her prone body.

I don't even bat an eyelash at it. That's how sick I've become and I try not to dwell too much on how horrible my soul has gotten as I go back to Pansy.

"I can't heal this," I admit as I use her torn shirt to stop the blood flow. "I'm rubbish at healing charms."

"It's alright. I can get someone else to heal it later," she says as I stand up and offer her my hand to help her to her feet. "Thanks."

She dusts off the back of her pants with her good arm before handing me my wand.

Then I hear Henry making the most terrible noise.

"No," I say as I leave Pansy behind to find him.

He's hissing and crying and I can tell he's in pain.

I start running, ignoring Pansy and her pleas for me to stop. I follow the noise as it echos off the trees and rattles my insides, like it was a horrible record playing a tune only my mind would hear. Down by the beach, I see Him holding my Henry with a group of black robes around him. He has my cat by the neck and Henry is twisting in vain to get away. I stop dead still at the end of the forest and when the Dark Lord sees me, he smiles a little.

"I thought this was yours," he says as he throws Henry to Yaxley stationed right behind him. Yaxley's nose is bleeding something awful and I would call that an improvement. "It was only a matter of time before you came running."

I study his face. His body is more rail thin than I remember and he's pale. So very pale. It's like his skin was dusted with chalk and charcoal. His face was frightening... like a waxy mask of what a handsome man used to be and his lips and the hollow of his cheeks had an odd bluish hue to them...

I couldn't stop staring at him and he stared right back at me without a word. His eyes had the familiar red color I had come to fear, but the whites of his eyes now had a dark red tint to them as well. It was hard to distinguish where the iris started... It was like someone had injected blood into his eye and never stopped.

He looks like a demon... or a rotted corpse of one.

It was horrifying.

"Come here," he says flatly and I swallow hard at the soft, but firm way he's speaking to me.

I look at Yaxley who's holding Henry in a death grip. "Can I have him back?" I ask nodding to my cat and the corner of the Dark Lord's lips turn up in a pleased smile.

"Of course," he says as he holds out his hand and beckons me to him. "Come."

I take a tentative step towards him. I don't even know where Pansy is now, but she's not saying anything. I take another step as I watch Henry tremble in Yaxley's arms.

"You've grown in my absence, Ginevra," Tom says, sending a sly look down to my stomach once I get close enough. "Do you hear that?" he asks, grabbing my mother's wand and snapping it in half with a smile. He tilts his head to the side and inhales deeply as he puts his hand over my stomach. "A steady heartbeat. One so strong it could bring me back from the poison you slipped in my drink."

I don't even bother to wonder how he knew about that when he obviously didn't know when it was happening. I swallow hard and try not to stutter out my words as I push his hand away.

"It's probably not even yours," I whisper harshly as I think of Draco and his sweet words to me earlier.

That makes him laugh.

He laughs and he laughs and he laughs.

"You are still so naïve," he shakes his head and takes a step closer to me. "You can think whatever you want," he says as he grabs my arm so roughly I nearly cry out. "Because your thoughts are all you're going to have to accompany you from now until eternity."

I hear screams and we both turn to the cottage to see what the commotion is. A large dragon made of fire is roaring high into the sky before diving down, setting most of the woods ablaze. The Fiend Fyre curse. I know that it's Draco and my heart starts beating a little faster.

"You can't make me do anything," I say, standing stock still as he puts hair over my shoulder and inhales against my neck.

The gray sky starts to gather clouds in the distance and a dark murkiness approaches with the promise of rain as Tom glares down at me.

"That may be true," he whispers against my skin and it sends a chill down my spine. "I might not be able to make you do anything... but I can do many things to you," he whispers menacingly against my ear. "And you will be surprised how often that turns to my favor."

He makes an odd groaning noise as he inhales against my neck again. I nearly throw up when he presses his hips against me.

"All this blood shed has made me thirsty," he whispers as he pulls me towards the trees. "Watch out for rebels," he calls to the few Death Eaters at his back and when they all mumble affirmations, he pulls me deep into the forest until we're covered from view with thick trees. "You have no idea how many times I have thought about peeling your skin off in retribution for the disrespect you have shown me," he hisses as he slams me against a tree, caging me with his strength.

A slight drizzle starts to fall from the sky, letting droplets land on Tom's hair and shoulders.

"It's an all together pleasant fantasy for me to revisit when I'm feeling low," he says as he presses his knee between my legs. "Your screams," he sighs as he bites on my ear, tugging my earlobe. I try to slink away from him, only to be held onto more firmly. "They're like ambrosia to me," he says darkly. "And then I'd let my men heal you and you'd be as good as new to play with again."

"You're sick," I whisper honestly because he is, because no one in their right mind would be the way he is unless there was something wrong with them.

"Yes, well, you're the helpless one caged against a tree," he reasons before bringing his wand up to my neck and whispering the familiar spell. "Let's not throw stones."

I wince as I feel the two marks puncture my skin again. I clench my eyes shut and dissociate from the situation as he bends down and starts sucking the blood out.

He puts his right hand over my mouth to stifle the cries I didn't even know I was crying. I try to think of something else. Something pleasant... something nice.

Who am I kidding?

There is nothing pleasant or nice left in my world. Lord Voldemort made sure of that... and just like that, resistance seeped into my mind as I brought my hands up to push him back. He merely laughed at the attempt. When he had his full of my blood, he pulled back with my wrists gripped firmly in his hands.

"It's amazing, the affects your blood can have on me," he says, his front teeth coated in red. A little bit of color starts to come back to his face and his eyes start to clear. "Better than any potion," he says with a smile... and then his red eyes flick to my stomach.

He licks his teeth.

"Although," he says as he lets go of my wrists and starts to crouch in front of me. "Perhaps I should just cut this out of you now," he says as he places his hands on my protruding stomach. "Even without the rest of the potion, I think he would bring me back to my former self."

He looks up at me, squinting against the rain that has gotten heavier.

He smiles.

"You look so pale," he says as he runs his hand over my abdomen. "Don't fret, my darling. I told you I would fill you again," he says as he presses his ear to the... thing inside of me. "It's a boy," he says. "A very strong boy."

That makes my eyes water. His confirmation was worse than any spell or curse and I felt my insides crumbling at the thought.

He presses his ear tighter against my stomach like was listening for something.

He wasn't doing it like a proud father wanting to listen to his baby kick against him. He was doing it to size me up and decide the best way to... do the terrible thing he's about to do.

He takes out his wand and runs it along my stomach.

"This is going to hurt," he says after pulling back and lifting my dress, leaving my legs bare and cold against the rain. "You're going to scream and cry," he says with a little smile on his face like the thought pleased him. "And beg and plead."

"Wouldn't you want to see it come to fruition? Wouldn't the magic be even more great if he was actually born?" I ask quickly to stop him from cutting me open.

"No," he says simply. "This will be over quickly and then you will be taken back to your tower, princess, where you can rot until the end of the world."

When I feel the first pain of his wand against my stomach, I grip his shoulders and push him away roughly.

He laughs.

When I do it again, magic flies through my fingers tips and shoots him back against a tree.

He stops laughing.

He pulls himself up with feline grace and levels me with the deadliest glare.

"I offered you the world and this is how you repay me?" he spits as he glares at me. "You are the most ungrateful brat I have ever know," he nearly shouts that and I press myself further back into the tree as I tug my dress down. "I have decided to make every moment of your life miserable. When you're all alone, feeling terrible, with the dead bodies of the people you had loved at your feet you will finally realize my retribution."

His voice is rising as the battle gets closer, the fiend fyre curse eating away at the woods surrounding us.

"Only then will you truly be sorry, my Ginevra, only then will you understand all the dire... dire mistakes you have made," he says, repeating that word like it was a death sentence. "You will view your time with me before this moment as a mercy."

I turn tail and start running.

I don't want to listen to him talk anymore about the torment he wants to put me through because I know how true it will be if he catches me.

He always catches me.

But I keep running as he chases behind me, throwing curses and threats at my back as I sprint through the trees until it hurts to breathe... until my legs give out from the stress of running after being idle for so long.

I trip and stumble on the root of a large dense tree. I fall to my knees and he comes up behind me with a smug laugh in his voice as the rain makes mud of the ground.

"You can run all you want," he says as he comes up behind me and grabs the back of my hair. "But I will always-"

He didn't get to finish that sentence because something exploded to the right of us and sent us both flying back. I smacked my head against a stone and darkness overtook my vision as I tried to hold on to consciousness.

I don't know how long I was passed out, but I woke with smoke in my lungs and the smell of fire all around me. I blink a few times as my mind spins around like on a merry-go-round and I try to sit up, only to slump against the ground in a weak heap.

I cough to get the cotton from my throat and I can see shadows in the distance, silhouetted against the dying sun. Curses flash in crazy colors against the trees and people yell and scream at each other over the roar of battle.

My head is throbbing. With sore muscles, I bring my hand up my forehead, hissing when it burns in pain and I pull back only to find my fingers covered in blood.

Blood.

It makes me remember who I was running away from and, even though my body was in pain, I sat up straight and looked around me with panicked eyes to see where he went. I don't see him anywhere and I quickly scramble to my feet so I'm not at a disadvantage when he decides to strike.

Where is he? I bring my hands to my chest and look around me with my brain throbbing in pain. I slump along the trees, keeping my eyes peeled for the Dark Lord and I put my hand to my head like it might help deaden the pressure I feel there.

I hear footsteps and I snap my head up to see Tom. His nose is bleeding and he's running right towards me.

I panic and start running again.

Suddenly a cloud of black smoke appears before me and I fall back as Tom materializes in front of me. This time he has Henry. He cracks his neck as I move in the mud, crawling backwards. I stare up at him and my poor cat who's hissing and trying to wiggle away.

"You know what really pisses me off," he says as he casually walks towards me, with his wand at my chest. Mud starts to coat my arms and body as I crawl backwards through it. I just can't seem to pull myself up."Your total disregard for your own life. You have no idea how maddening it is."

"Put him down," I say pathetically as I stop crawling and just stare up at him.

"No," he says flatly. "You see, little one, I do not do what you say," he snaps. "You do what I say!" he shouts and Henry hisses. "Let this be your first lesson," he says as he grabs Henry's neck and then he... snaps.

I feel like all the sound had left the world as I stare at Henry's limp body.

Tom throws him to the side like he was nothing and I clench my jaw so tight that my teeth hurt.

"Why won't you just leave me alone!" I scream, so tired of all of it.

"You," he says as he reaches down to grab my ankle. "Know why," he snaps as he pulls me towards him.

It was a mistake, because I kicked him in the head with my other foot.

His expression was deadly as the surprise made him pause and I took the distraction to get up and sprint away. A curse shot at a nearby tree makes it fall and land right in front of me... I fall back and fumble around in the mud and rain as he gets closer. I finally pull myself up and face him with my hand up in defense.

I really wish I had a wand.

Tom is drenched from the rain and his black hair is falling into his eyes. He smiles a little bit when he sees my hand shake and he tilts his head to the side as he lifts his wand.

There's another explosion that sends us flying and my back smacks against a tree. I scream in pain but I refuse to let him get the upper hand when I see him get to his feet a few yards away. I give him a look and when I notice him scan the ground I realize... I realize he doesn't have his wand.

We both spot it at the same time... it's an equal distance between us and a wicked smile crosses his terrible lips as he raises his brows in challenge.

"Beat me to my wand, Ginevra," he smiles. "And try to kill me with it."

I work my jaw as I stare at him and then at the wand, laying against a bed of wet leaves.

"Do you think you could kill me?" he ponders out loud as my toes curl in anticipation. "I don't think you could even hurt a fly."

There's a second pause, and then we both run for it. His long arms reach it first and we both fall to the ground as I try to wrestle it from him. He laughs at my attempts and eventually his size over powers me until I'm pinned to the ground with his wand against my throat.

"It's always amusing when you decide to go with the muggle way of doing things," he says as he presses the tip of the wand into my neck. "That's why I will always win," he says with a smirk. "Because you're too stupid to realize what you can do."

"Are you going to curse me?" I ask with my brow raised as I reach my hand out to finger a nearby rock.

He smiles, holding my gaze. "You know I have no problem doing that."

"Do you think it will hold?" I ask once I have the stone in my hand. "I'm pretty good at deflecting your curses."

He laughs and sits back. "One thing I do like about you," he says as he uses his wand to brush hair out of my eyes. "You never know when to shut your mouth. Perhaps I'll have it permanently sown shut," he says as I clench my fist around the rock. "But then..." he ponders with his hand on his chin. "I wouldn't be able to kiss you and I just love how disgusted that makes you feel."

He leans down like he was going to kiss me. I take the distraction to bring the rock up and I slam it against his temple.

He cusses as the shock makes him fall to the side and I hit him again, straddling his chest and hitting him again and again and again and again... until blood sticks to the rock and the wand rolls from his fingertips.

I drop the rock and grab his wand, pointing it at his throat as he laughs, with blood gushing from the open wound at the side of his head.

"What do you think, little one?" He asks with a blood coated smile. "Are you going to kill me?"

I hear a loud scream in the distance, but I don't look up. I hold his blood red gaze even as the forest starts to go up in flames. He smiles again and for some reason that makes me think of Draco... or even Blaise. How easy would it be for them to turn into this monster underneath me...

"Why..." I press the wand a little bit more into his neck. "Why are you so evil?" I ask and he laughs again.

"I don't think I'm evil," he says with a smirk. "That's an ugly word, isn't it?" he says with a pout. "One could call you evil for bashing my head with a rock," he says. "Now I have a headache."

He brings his hand up and grabs my wrist. "Stop," I say, pressing the wand against his throat once more, but he doesn't stop, his hand just clenches around mine.

"You're a whiner, Ginevra Weasley," he snaps as he digs his fingers into my flesh so hard it hurts. "You whine and cry and complain, but you never do anything about it. That's the main difference between me and you," he says sharply. "I get things done."

He throws me off of him and he's on me in a second, prying his wand from my fingers as I try to fight back. This time he doesn't wait to talk or ask questions, he sends a curse right to my chest that makes me black out.

When I dream, I dream of blood. A whole ocean of it and I'm just a small bird flying overhead.

"Ginny..."

I shake my head.

"Ginny, fucking get up."

That's Draco's angry voice and he's pulling me to my feet as I try to open my eyes. The air is thick with smoke and there are flames surrounding us... green and red... crackling high into the air like it was Christmas.

"What..." I trail off, trying to remember what had happened...

"We're getting out of here," he says. "The Death Eaters have scattered."

"Draco..." I trail off and stop him with my hand on his arm. "What's going on?"

He looks at me, his face full of blood and ash. "We have to get out of here or we're going to burn to death."

"Wait," I go to stop him again but there's something in my right hand... something I'm clutching in a death grip. I look down at it, shocked in surprise when I see the Dark Lord's wand. "Where is..."

I look around me... there's too much smoke... too much fire.

Am I dead? Is this a dream? It feels too real to be a dream.

"Jesus," he hisses and when I look at him again, his silver eyes are trained on my thighs. "You're bleeding.

"W-What?" I stutter like an idiot as my legs give way underneath him. I fall against his chest as I blink against the smoke.

"You're bleeding," he repeats as he looks down at my dress.

I follow his gaze down... where a large maroon spot is saturating the front of my dress and coating my inner thighs.

"I..." I stutter as I start to shake.

I start to fall again, but Draco grabs me under my arm and lifts me up. My hands shake as I drop Tom's wand. I clench my eyes shut and Draco cusses as he pulls me through the forest.

I can see Tom in my minds eye, looking handsome in a black tailored suit in front of the Hogwarts gate drinking a glass of wine that he tilts my direction.

I've always liked you in red.

His voice is like an echo in my mind and I clutch Draco a little tighter as the pain starts to awaken in my stomach, following the blood that flows down my legs.

When the seventh moon is the second house, a powerful union between the two families will set the world on fire.

Fire and blood.

"Just breathe," Draco says with his lips against my temple.

Just breathe.

Why is that so difficult all of a sudden?
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Envy and Manipulations