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Snape's Story	By : tbird1965 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 33391 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Complete. Het, solo, oral.

Chapter List
- 18
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So what's the best way to fix the really stupid thing you did? Do something even MORE stupid.

Oh Severus. What are you thinking?

Dr. Hermione Granger rested her head against the back of her sofa. She tucked her feet up under her and set her book across her lap. She had been trying to read for the last half hour, but the words just seemed to swim across the page. Over and over again, she replayed the afternoon with Severus. She had hoped to help him set aside some of the crippling guilt he carried, only to be derailed by Lucius bleeding arsehole Malfoy. Fucking wanker. Her heart ached as she watched him slide the glass of whiskey towards Severus and his obvious struggle to resist the temptation. She couldn't help but wonder if his refusal had been solely for her benefit or if it were a small sign of improvement. Over and over she watched the door slam and heard his baritone voice growling "Just leave me alone."

Maybe she had bitten off more then she could chew? Was it possible that he was just too damaged, too far gone for her to help? She shook her head, "No." She refused to give up on him.

Smiling to herself, she thought back to the very first time she had ever laid eyes on Severus Snape. Terrifying, formidable, awe inspiring, brilliant. It was hard to believe that beneath that fierce exterior lurked so much heartache and pain. Pain that he had carried inside himself for all these years with no one to trust or to help him bear the burden. How lonely he must have felt, must still feel. Hermione couldn't even imagine a life where you had no one; no friends to love and to love you back, no one to lean on through the trying times. No wonder he had seemed so irritable and cruel, lashing out brutally at his students. She chuckled softly as she tried to ratify the man she now knew with the Potions Professor who had once tormented her. As she had always suspected, the seemingly stoic man possessed a quick wit and an acerbic sense of humor. She smiled again as she remembered his often brilliant turn of phrase as he berated some Dunderheaded student. There had been many times she'd had to bite back a bark of laughter at his scathing humor.

Sighing heavily, she picked up her book and tried once again to focus her attention on the pages. A loud bang just outside her front door made her jump and reach for her wand. Setting the book aside, she tiptoed cautiously across the floor. She jumped again as a loud knocking echoed through her tiny flat.

'Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang,'

Casting a quick see through charm, she gasped at the sight of a very disheveled Severus Snape standing on her front porch. He lifted his fist and pounded heavily on her door, the motion making him sway unsteadily.

"Severus." She said, opening the door. "What is it?"

"You're home." He said, his words slurred as he blinked, blood shot eyes staring down at her.

"I am." She agreed, taking in his drunken state. His white shirt was untucked and only partially buttoned. "Did you need something."

"To talk to you." He said, grabbing at the rail as he swayed and almost fell. "I need to tell you something."

"Alright." She said, reaching out to grasp his forearm and hold him steady. "Why don't you come inside and have a seat before you fall down and hurt yourself."

He bobbed his head and allowed her to lead him inside. Once there she motioned towards the couch, but he shook his head and began to pace unsteadily back and forth. "I don't want to sit down. I have to tell you something. I need to tell you something."

"Okay." She nodded, backing away from him and lowering herself onto a chair. "I'm listening."

He stared at her intently with his black gaze, before running his fingers through his hair and resuming his shaky pacing. "I don't even know how to start. But I have to tell you. You have to know." He paused, leaning against the back of the couch. He gazed at her with a strange look of longing on his face. "I remember you in school. Always so eager and anxious for my attention. Your hand waving incessantly in the air. You had it, my attention. Oh how you had it. Far more then I was ever willing to admit, even to myself. My beautiful little know it all. Such an insufferable little chit you were." He paused and shook his head angrily. "This is so wrong. So unbelievably fucking wrong. I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't bloody feel like this. Fuck! You were my student. I was your teacher for fucks sake." He pushed himself up off the couch and began to pace again, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. "These feelings. Why are you in my head? Why are you always there, calling to me, pleading with me, begging me? I am just a man. I'm not strong enough to resist this." He turned and looking pleadingly at her.

"Severus." She said slowly, rising to take his hand and lead him to the couch. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest. "You are not making any sense. You're drunk. What did you want to tell me that couldn't wait until our session?"

He sank onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. Sighing heavily, he gazed up at her, his expression open and raw. "I love you. I want you. I can't stop dreaming about you."

All the strength went out of Hermione's legs. She was grateful for the chair behind her as her legs gave out and she sat down with a small thud. "No you don't." She whispered hoarsely.

"Yes. I do."

"No." She shook her head in disbelief. "It's just transference. It happens all the time. It's very common." Her voice trailed off as he shook his head, his eyes closing heavily.

"It's not transference." He sighed, his head falling back to rest on the back of the couch.

"Of course it is." She whispered. "People often think they are in love with their doctors."

"You've been in my head since St. Mungo's." He said, his head listing tiredly to the side. "In my dreams, in my fantasies, in my thoughts. It was always only Lily. And now it's only you. Only Hermione." His voice grew softer as he spoke. "So brilliant, so intelligent, so talented. You were my best student." He sighed heavily. "You could never feel the same about me. I'm damaged. Marked as evil." He rubbed at his left forearm. "And I am evil. Unworthy, unlovable, unwanted. You are so good, so fresh, so perfect. Marked for good." His breathing was slowing, his voice growing fainter. "That perfect little heart under your breast. If I could spend my life kissing, touching that mark, maybe I could be good too."

"How do you know about that?" She gasped, staring wild eyed at the man on her sofa. "Severus?" But his breathing had drifted into the rhythmic pattern of sleep. "How do you know about that mark?" She whispered to the quiet room.
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