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Unleashed	By : lordoberon Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 17652 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does. I make no money in the writing of this fanfiction.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
I am running out of time to finish this. So these next couple of chapters might be go by quickly. I am so sorry to have to rush it...I am leaving tomorrow, and then take my flight on Tuesday. yikes!

The action is going to go by fast. I am trying to focus on the relationship now.

Are they Out Of Character? I've had less time to read back over things...

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UNLEASHED

by lordoberon

Chapter 19

Severus licked his lips, and then continued pacing. Harry sat down on a rock and waited. He watched as that graceful figure went back and forth, back and forth, until it almost made him dizzy. Finally he stood up and, as gently as he could, grabbed the man’s hand to yank him to a stop.

The older man looked down at him, his brow furrowed. He sighed. There was a lot of that going on today. “I’m thinking about you,” he said quietly, “and all of your memories.”

Harry didn’t know what to say to that. Because his relationship with Severus had changed so much, he minded it a lot less now that Severus was seeing all of it. At the same time, he was sure that if Severus had caught his furtive glances at Severus in Fourth Year, he would have caught his looking at Severus this year. And then there was Dumbledore’s fall…

“I put aside all of the bravery, and all of the loyalty, and the quidditch, and the tenderness, and all of that…that part of you that everyone sees and admires. The Harry Potter part,” Severus said. “I just went over the rest of you…the Harry. I went over the sadness…the deaths…I went over the anger. There is a lot of anger there,” Severus gave Harry a long look, “But I am not going to begrudge you it. You have your reasons. Just as I have mine, for all of my sourness, for all of my pushing and pushing everyone away…even you.”

He let Harry lead him to a bench, and there he sat. Harry remained standing, because it enabled him to keep holding Severus’s hand. He wanted to smile at that, but Severus was so serious right now, he couldn’t. But he knew what Severus was saying. The loneliness…they both had it in them, for different reasons, and others didn’t understand it. There was a lot in him, really, that he felt Severus could understand and no one else.

“What I saw, I think I like, more than what everyone else sees and oohs and aahs over…Harry.” Severus held his hand harder. “I like to see that. Not because I can relate to it, although I can. But simply because…it’s also part of you. I don’t think it right of your friends, that sometimes they rejected that anger, because it hurt them. I have had you angry with me, for good reasons, and I let you be angry... I’m happy that you have friends who stick by you.”

It was a lot to take in. Harry sat down. Here he’d been wondering, how to open Severus up? The memories had done it for him. He didn’t think he’d had Severus talk to him for so long before, not in anything other than a school lecture or a chastising. Severus liked him just as he was…even with all the issues he had.

He turned to smile at the man. “Thanks, Severus. Er…I, I like that, that you don’t mind.”

The man harrumphed. “I’m not saying that you should respond as if I gave ten points to Gryffindor, you dolt. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t worry so much over being…traumatized, by everything you’ve gone through. Like your friend Miss Lovegood has pointed out…you are not alone.”

Harry knew that Severus wasn’t ready to talk about himself more. Maybe he wouldn’t ever be. But he seemed ready to accept every nook and cranny of Harry…except, of course, for what was going on between them. Argh!

“Alright. I’ll worry less.” He drifted over, closer, on the bench, and put his head on Severus’s shoulder. Oh, that felt nice. He wanted to be even closer…he wanted to put his arms around Severus. This was a way beyond loneliness that felt different, and somehow better, than being with his friends. He wanted more…

“So,” he said from his perch which he was delighted Severus hadn’t upset yet, “Can I call you Severus now?”

“No.” It came out a growl.

“Why not?” Harry sat up. This was so dumb! Come on! “Why do you keep putting these walls up? You can’t pretend anymore that you don’t care about me. Not after what you’ve just said, not after all the help you’ve given me, not after hosting me in your house, and definitely not after kissing me like you’re going to die if you don’t! I care for you, too, okay?? Get that in your skull! You can’t even say that you push me away because of your double agent job. Voldemort is already angry with you, anyway. So…why? Do you think I’m going to hurt you or something?”

Again the man went from normal to angry in at lightning-quick speed. He leapt up from the bench, wand dragging green sparks behind him before he slammed it into a pocket.

“NO, you IDIOT!” He waved his hands in the air. “It isn’t me I’m worried over.”

Then, before he could say more, he clamped his mouth shut. Still obviously steaming, he marched away and wheeled around the corner.

Harry ran after him, and grabbed the back of his shirt, hard. “You just said you can handle all of my…my issues, or whatever. You can see I’ve, I’ve already been hurt…What could you possibly do that could hurt me more than Voldemort killing my parents? And Sirius? And…And Dumbledore, I know you did it because it was pre-arranged. So…there’s nothing…” He realized he was crying some angry sort of tears now, and furiously wiped them away with one hand. “There’s nothing else left. No one can do anything else to me. The only thing worse than everything that’s already happened is if he killed my remaining friends. That includes you, you know.”

The man took a deep breath. He did not turn around. Instead, he smoothed his hands down his trousers, and pulled lightly away from Harry.

“You’re right,” he breathed. “How did I think I could be so important?”

With anger and pain radiating from him, he moved away, and kept walking. Again Harry followed him. This man was absolutely infuriating! But he couldn’t stop now. He couldn’t let him go. He’d be losing something amazing if he did…but Severus still wanted to hide all that away.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Harry said. He was barring Severus’s way into the house now. “I didn’t mean that you’re not important. I just meant that…whatever you do…that might hurt me…I can handle it. You have to trust me.”

Severus closed his eyes, pain streaking across his face. He clenched his fists at his sides, and hung his head low over his chest. Somehow this was hard for him. Somehow it hurt. Harry didn’t understand. How could it hurt, to have someone accept you? Wasn’t it what Severus was looking for?

Didn’t Severus understand that Harry wanted him?

He edged forwardly, slowly, with just one trainer first. Then he edged the other one forward. Then he shuffled, bit by bit, and came to wrap his arms around Severus.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please. I…I want you. In all the ways that a person could want someone. I can’t explain it…it’s rather sudden…but it’s been growing in me…won’t you just accept that it’s there? I don’t think you’re old…I don’t care about all the stupid little things like that which you could use to argue. If I cared about first impressions, or whatever, I would still think Hermione was a know it all and not have her as my friend. I’d still hate Malfoy to bits. And Dumbledore, with his beard, was never old, to me…so why would you be?”

There was a long, long silence. Then Severus answered, muffled by his hair but so close to Harry’s ear. “Would you want it still, if there was little time left?”

A shiver crept down Harry’s back. He lifted his head to look at Severus. “What do you mean?” Did Severus really think that Voldemort would kill him? Was he planning something?

The man looked sad. “There is one more secret which Dumbledore did not tell you. He left it to me. I have it in memory, and I can give it to you…but you must swear to watch it only when you have destroyed nearly all the horcruxes.”

When Harry looked at him, questioning, he simply shrugged. Then, pushing Harry gently aside, he took up a bucket from by the door and handed it to Harry.

Anger bristled down into Harry. He hated mysteries. And he hated that after everything he’d said, that was Severus’s reaction. He grabbed the bucket and followed Severus to the greenhouse.

“Pluck the yellow bulbs growing off of that plant, and do not let any thorn tips prick you.”

Harry started the greenhouse work, but his mind was not there. Severus didn’t trust him to be alright? Something held him back from being closer to Harry…the thought that his or Harry’s lives were in jeopardy made him not want to pursue anything at all?

Harry thought of Cho. Of Ginny. They could easily have said no to him because of the hanging threat of Voldemort over his life. But they hadn’t. They thought that he was worth it – especially Ginny. Didn’t Severus think he was worth it?

The longer he worked, and the longer he stewed, the gloomier his mood became. Finally, when he pulled away from what felt like the ten-thousandth weird plant, all of its yellow bulbs picked, he threw down his bucket. The motion alone made him stumble.

“Harry?”

He sat down, hard, on the floor. “I…I feel dizzy…”

He fainted. When he came to, he was in the same reclining chair in Severus’s lab that he had been in. Silently he accepted the food given him, and after eating, he laid back. He was tired.

“I was a fool not to return blood to your sooner. I apologize.”

He could hear tension in Severus’s voice. The man was probably angry with himself for letting Harry get in a bad way. Well, let him be. Since he was so determined to be alone and miserable…why not just let him be? Harry sighed. He didn’t really want to let Severus alone. Death hadn’t stopped Severus from loving Lily Potter. Why would the threat of it stop him from being with Harry? It was so frustrating!

“Are we going to do the blood session?”

“We must.”

Again the pain, and again that feeling of everything being sucked out of him…then, he felt himself being carried up to his room. He slept.

The second time that he woke with his heart pounding, it was three AM. The second batch of blood had just been given to the demons. What was Severus’s condition now?

He got out of bed. The sketch of himself playing Quidditch sat propped up by the clock, he noticed. It had been flattened out and stretched. Oh. He had crumpled it into his hand in anger in the greenhouse, hadn’t he?

Quickly, he went to Severus’s room. Nothing was amiss. The man sat up and looked at Harry when Harry came in.

“Why do you keep leaving the door unlocked?” he asked Severus.

“So that you can come in and check on me,” the man said with a smirk.

“Oh.” Harry laughed. “How do you feel, then?”

Severus yawned. “Fine. Pomfrey gave me some potions, and I added in my own, so that if the demons did anything the effect when I woke would not be so powerful. I do itch all over…”

He scratched the top of his head, and then scratched at the neckline of his night robes. Harry stared at that hand, wishing he could put his hand there…he shook his head. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep now. There was too much going on in his head.

“So. Aside from all the doom and damnation gloom. You really don’t trust me?”

“Oh give it a rest, Potter!” Severus tossed his pillow directly at Harry’s head, and Harry caught it.

“‘Potter?’”

“Harry. Whatever. Just…stop it with the psychological evaluation, will you? I do what I do because I do. That’s it.”

Harry threw the pillow back, hard, and stomped over to the bed. “But you have to answer my question!” He fell upon the bed, grabbing sheet cloth into his hands and tearing at it.

Severus just blinked at him. “I don’t have to do anything, actually.”

“Fine,” Harry growled, “Just be that way, then.” In revenge, because he was so angry – even though he knew it would hurt, to get pushed away again – he crawled up on the bed, and before Severus could grab his wand, or do more than put his hands up, Harry straddled the man. He pressed Severus’s hands below him against the bed.

He kissed him, a hard, angry kiss with biting teeth and thrusting tongue, and when that was done he sat back and just frowned at Severus, with his arms crossed over his chest.

The man was more discomfited than Harry had expected. He squirmed beneath Harry now, his hands twitching, and he kept licking his lips. “That will not bribe me,” he said finally. But the lust in his gaze said he wanted more.

“So. I’m just going to assume, then. You don’t trust me. You think that I can’t take care of myself, even though I’ve done things a lot of other people haven’t, and I have the best luck. You think we’re going to die, so you don’t want to even kiss me, let alone anything more – emotionally or physically. Well, here’s what I think. I think that’s idiotic. If someone that was special to me…was in danger…”

Harry shifted in Severus’s lap. He quite liked this position.

“If someone special to me were in danger, I would want as much closeness as possible between us, before the danger came. It would make the closeness even better. I mean, sure it would hurt once the danger was there, to not have it anymore, but…if something did happen to them…I would feel good, that I had had that closeness, rather than not. I would rather not regret later. Doesn’t that make more sense?”

Severus drew his fingertips over his mouth. When he caught Harry watching, though, he quickly let his hand fall. Something in him decided to give, just a little, for he looked at Harry straight on, and said tenderly, “You do not know what it is like to live for years upon years with regret. Nor do you know what it is like to live for years with the pain of having intense closeness ripped suddenly away from you. It is horrible enough to make one regret having gotten close at all. That is why you can speak so fearlessly on the matter.”

“I’m so tired of your walls,” Harry sighed. “Isn’t any of it worth the risk for you? Do you have to always be so protective of yourself? I think throwing yourself into things is worth it, sometimes.”

“I don’t do it for myself! It’s for you, Harry. Everything that I’m doing is for you.”

Severus’s voice was tight and strained. Harry looked at him. Here he was in this sexy position on top of one sexy man…but Severus was ripping into him with that remark. Harry had felt, recently, that he’d gotten hints of how Severus cared for him, always looking after him. To hear it, though, was something else.

Everything Severus did was for him? Merlin…that, mixed with all the need that he had seen in Severus, was a strong combination. He could see, more clearly than Severus could, it seemed, the battle that was going on. Severus wanted to keep him safe, to give him the best – which he didn’t think was himself – and he also desperately wanted Harry…

Harry wanted, in that moment, to have Severus as his. Who else would care for him so deeply, while also desiring him so intensely? He wanted to spend his life with someone who could give him all of that, because he felt he could give himself back to them in return. Maybe it was love, and Harry did not know what to do with that word, ‘love’…it frightened him. But he also remembered what Dumbledore had said, so long ago, that he had what Voldemort did not, and could not understand. Love. Here he was telling Severus not to be afraid…to throw himself into things…why not follow his own advice?

“I know that you do it all for me,” Harry said. He couldn’t help that his voice was all choked up. “I…there’s nothing I can do to repay it. If you want me to just…stay away, I will. But I…it goes against my, my core something, to just turn away from you. I mean, I’ve seen how you look at me…and what you keep hidden away. I just…I just want to respond to what I’m seeing in you, alright?? If you want me to back off, then you have to stop being so…so…”

The man sighed, and plucked Harry off of him. They lay there side by side, staring up at the dark ceiling.

Finally, Severus turned to Harry. “Neither of us are good at repressing our inner natures – we are both far too stubborn for our own good…shall we discuss it another time?”

Again, again, he held off. Harry let the sadness strike through him a moment, and then got up. “Okay.”

He left the room, disappointment and longing sweeping through him.

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Please review! Even if you don't like it, I want to know what people think. I know Severus is infuriating. I plan to fix it soon. I didn't want it to be too easy, though. And I wanted it to be about how they relate to each other, learn from each other, and what they get emotionally, not just...physical.
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