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"Why Me?"	By : SpeedyTomato Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 88152 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and make no money off this work of extreme insanity.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Beta'd by the amazing Tenchi. Love you, woman, you're the best!

Just a reminder of what's on my profile; reviews complaining or whinging about the lack 'o sex in stories will get deleted. If you want a smut-filled romp, you need to find another story to read.

Chapter 19:

I Warned You!

After handing the slip of paper over to get Draco through the wards, Bill eyed the huge red flashing words that hung over Grimmauld Place that read 'Grimmauld Insane Asylum; Enter At Your Own Risk!' Shaking his head, he looked at Charlie, who was staring at him then shrugged. “I think, maybe, something worse has gone on since the antlers incident,” he finally said.
“Yeah, I think so,” Charlie nodded. “I wonder what happened.”
“It might be best not to know, honestly,” Bill snorted, grinning a little.
“It could be interesting to find out, though! Give us some good tales to tell,” Charlie laughed.
“I don't think anything can top Narcissa hitting on you,” Bill snorted, shaking his head as Draco was now staring at the sign, wide-eyed.
Starting to lead Draco towards the house, Charlie said, “No offense here, Draco, but I'd rather try to bugger a dragon than take her on.”
“The dragon is probably safer,” Draco muttered, eyes locked on the sign that flashed, wondering what he was getting into.
Snorting at that and grinning, Bill was about to put his hand on the doorknob when another sign popped up that said 'I'm warning you now, turn back if you value your sanity!' Shaking his head, Bill said nothing, though his grin grew as he turned the knob. He then laughed when another sign flashed 'You can't say you weren't warned!'. “This should be good,” he chuckled.
Stepping in, making sure that Draco knew to keep his voice down so as not to set off the painting, they met Severus, who looked more dour than normal. “We're good, nothing to worry about,” Charlie whispered, hand on Draco's shoulder.
“Other than Narcissa trying to get into Charlie's pants,” Bill chuckled.
“Hightailing it back to Romania might be wise if that's the case,” Severus snorted, sipping at a cup of 'tea'. “Everyone is in one of the parlors. No need to keep your voice down anymore. They managed to get the painting moved.” Motioning them to follow, he led the way.
Eyebrows arched, Charlie looked at Bill who had a similar expression on his face. It sure as hell sounded like Snape was drunk! Not to mention he was weaving slightly as he walked. Shaking his head, he cleared his throat, then asked, “Is Remus here or did he go somewhere else for the full moon?”
“Lupin is up in his room. Black locked him in with charms he learned as an Auror. Aside from that, he's had the Wolfsbane, so he's no threat,” Snape explained, leading them, trying to keep walking without staggering.
“Good,” Bill said, shaking his head as he looked at his brother. “Once Draco is handed over, Charlie's going to get Buckbeak and bring him down. We'll let him say goodbye to Sirius then use a spell on him that acts as a tranquilizer. It won't knock him out, but he'll be wonky from it. Then we'll get him moved.”
Quietly, Charlie told Draco, “And if I were you, I'd stay out of his sight. Hippogriffs have long memories.”
Paling at the thought of that, Draco nodded. This wasn't somewhere he wanted to be anyway, but it was the lesser of the evils to deal with. His mother was already on a man collecting spree that was traumatizing him. Potter and Black might not be nice to deal with, but they were better than that! He would just deal accordingly. At least his father was easier to handle, though he was slightly mental like almost any pureblood out there. Besides, he could get away with far more when it came to his father than he ever could with his mother. That was always a plus.
Snickering, Bill asked, nudging his brother, “We gotta know—who hung the sign above the house? It's rather funny.”
“That was Potter. He thought anyone that entered needed foreshadowing,” Snape snorted, shaking his head, downing the last of his 'tea'. As soon as he delivered the Malfoy spawn to his father and ensured that the moving of the hippogriff went according to plan, he was going to enjoy a relaxing evening locked in his room with his friend firewhiskey.

Standing with his back to the scene in the living room as Lucius introduce Draco to his new 'siblings', aka the psychoferrets, Harry had his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he tried not to laugh. All he kept thinking about was the bit with Moody and the great bouncing ferret incident. Oh bloody hell, this was funny!
Grinning, not sure what was setting off his godson, Sirius leaned over and whispered, “Fill me in. I need a good laugh because we both know this is just going to bring more insanity into our lives.”
Voice hitching as he tried to keep it down enough so that Lucius and Draco couldn’t hear, Harry described the legendary great bouncing ferret incident to Sirius, who he could hear snorting softly. “Just—even hearing they are 'siblings' is enough to make me want to laugh so hard that I'll end up wetting myself.”
Snickering, looking down, Sirius said, “I need to find a Pensieve to view that memory at some point. Oh, that had to be great!” He was about to press on when he heard a loud thumping on the stairs, like someone tumbling down them, then Charlie shouting something about slowing down and yelling for Bill. Head whipping in that direction, his eyes widened as he saw Buckbeak standing in the doorway, licking his beak as he eyed Lucius, Draco and the ferrets that were now both in full panic mode and trying to burrow into Lucius' body to hide. “Oh shite!” Sirius breathed, not sure what to do.
Standing there, eyes wide, Snape dropped his cup and pulled his wand, “Black, you may want to help the Weasleys. I'll keep watch over Potter and Draco.” Motioning the white as a sheet Malfoy spawn and Potter behind him, he waited, wand out. Any spells he knew might not work to stop a hippogriff intent on a meal, but it might slow him down long enough to help.
Trying to get his feet under him after being dragged down the stairs on his face by the leash he had on the hippogriff, Charlie snarled, “Get the ferrets out of here so I can tranq him!”
Eyes so wide they took up almost his whole face, Lucius felt himself tremble and clutched onto his boys where they cowered inside his robes, he then began backing up slowly away from the advancing, hungry-looking hippogriff. Already there were flashbacks of his almost death from their last encounter with Buckbeak and his boys. Not thinking what might come of it, he turned and ran, hoping to find somewhere safe to cower until they got the hippogriff under control.
“Shite! No!” Charlie snarled as he tried to get to his feet, but failed, as Buckbeak sensed a merry chase afoot and took off after Lucius. “Bloody hell,” he breathed as he was dragged along, being bounced off furniture as Buckbeak trailed after the panicked Lucius. “Sirius! Use Padfoot to try to distract him! Something! At least so Lucius can get the ferrets away!” That was the only thing he could think of.
Though Padfoot was no match for the power of a hippogriff, Sirius made sure Harry was behind Snape then growled, “Stay out of the way,” before shifting. His thought was he could at least run Buckbeak in circles a little to give Bill and Charlie a chance to try to do something. Running up to the hippogriff, he nipped at his heels to try to distract him, but Buckbeak was intent upon a live meal. This wasn't good. That meant they had to try something else.
Making sure Potter and Draco were plastered to the wall safely behind him, Snape had his wand out as a more bizarre version of the first 'fun run' with Lucius took place. Lucius was running madly, shouting for Black to do something while clutching the ferrets who were cowering in his robes. Buckbeak was hot on his trail dragging Charlie Weasley right along behind. Black was nipping at the hippogriff's heels, trying to get his attention, while Bill Weasley brought up the end of the line, wand out, trying to sever the leash so Charlie could get to his feet.
On about the third lap by, understanding what the oldest Weasley was trying for, as Buckbeak was closing in on the fully panicked Lucius, Severus stepped closer to the action, casting a charm as they went by to sever the leash. It worked. However, he was also bodychecked by the hippogriff, sending him face first into the wall. Groaning as he met the plaster, almost kissing it, he slid down the wall then fell on the floor on his back, arms out. It was then that Black, unable to change course in his dead run, ran right across his midsection. Curling up, holding his gut, eyes shut, Snape decided, then and there, that all this insanity had to be Lily's revenge on him for how he had treated her son. She did, after all, have a wicked sense of humor and would get even. That had to be the case.
Figuring he better get up and out of the way before he was run over by worse, Severus managed to get to his feet, though was still bent over, holding his gut, when he was sent to the floor as Charlie crashed into him on a dead run. Laying there, face first on the carpet, he decided Black was giving up several extra bottles of the firewhiskey tonight if the man didn't want him to completely lose it.
Untangling himself from Snape, Charlie dragged him to his feet and pulled the man back. Panting heavily as Bill joined them, he said, “Alright, this isn't working. We'll use a heavy-duty stunning spell to stop him. I'll work with it from there.”
Trying to focus on that and not the rug burn on his face, Snape straightened up the best he could then aimed, pleased his wand wasn't trembling. Just as the hippogriff was making another pass, everyone in the room stopped dead as they heard a low growl. Head whipping in the direction of the doorway, Severus felt his bladder threaten to let loose. There, in the doorway, teeth bared, was Lupin in his wolf form. Oh, bloody hell, this put most bad things already going on to shame.
Looking at his old friend, Sirius was arched up like a Halloween cat, his own teeth bared. What the hell was this? Remus had the Wolfsbane, so there shouldn’t be a problem. However, what they did not need in the insanity that was already happening was a werewolf!
“Oh shite! Oh shite! Ohshiteohshiteohshite!” Bill mumbled, wand hand trembling as he pointed it at Remus. “This isn't good!”
“You two stay behind us,” Charlie told Harry and Draco, wand locked on Remus who started moving in their direction.
Eying the werewolf with disdain, Buckbeak then focused back on Lucius. Licking his beak as he smelled the ferrets, he took off in that direction again.
Squealing, not sure what to do, Lucius turned tail and ran, shouting for Black to help or do something.
Wand trembling, Severus felt himself start to hyperventilate when the werewolf sauntered in their direction. Not sure what to do, he keep a close watch as Lupin then just sat down in front of him and looked up, tongue lolled out, tail wagging. Eyebrows going up, he stared down at the werewolf that seemed to have an almost happy grin on his face. Huffing, he snarled, “Lupin! What do you think you're doing?”
Giving a somewhat dog-like bark, the werewolf then head bopped Severus, almost knocking him off his feet, before leaning against him, tail wagging. Though Remus kept his mind, the fact that his 'chosen one' had been hurt was enough to drive the instinct to protect him. Thus it had taken over and brought them down the stairs.
Rubbing a now trembling hand over his face, Severus decided he needed a case of said firewhiskey to deal with this. “You are frightening everyone, Lupin! What in the name of Merlin's saggy drawers do you think you're doing? Get out of here!”
Letting out a playful bark type thing, Remus bopped Severus again then leaned more heavily against him.
As no violence was in the offing, or didn't appear to be anyway, Padfoot walked over and nuzzled Moony. He was hoping like hell that Charlie and Bill got the hint to move Harry and Draco. Snape, it didn't appear, probably due to the bond, was in any kind of danger, so he could handle Moony if there was an issue. Sitting down by his old friend, he looked at him, his own tail wagging.
Dragging Harry and Draco to the other side of the room, Bill and Charlie were both wide eye and panting. Raising their wands, they waited for the hippogriff to make another pass while keeping half an eye on the trio on the other side of the room.
Panting heavily, waiting, not sure what to do, though it didn't look like Remus was going to do anything as he how had his head buried up the snarling Snape's robes, tail wagging, as Snape thundered something about not licking somewhere, Bill told Harry, “Next time, you need to put up a stronger warning sign, Harry.”
Nodding his head, clutching his own wand, Harry watched what was going on with Snape, “Yeah, I do.”
Not sure what to make of any of this, Draco looked at Potter wide-eyed, then asked, “Is this normal?”
“Pretty much, yeah,” Harry told him. “Though adding the werewolf in the mix is new. The rest—we've done this before, more than once in some cases, since this whole mess started.”
Looking around, eyes wide, Draco just shook his head, not sure what to say.
As Lucius, with Buckbeak right on the tail of his robes, made another pass by them, begging for help by that point, Charlie and Bill managed to cast a stunner on the hippogriff that dropped him. Relieved, Charlie slumped, shaking his head as Lucius kept right on running, still screaming for help. “Bloody hell,” he panted out. “I've had less problems moving a damned dragon!”
“Tranq him and let's get the hell out of here,” Bill told him, eyes wide as he watched Snape try to extract the werewolf from under his robes, admonishing him for having a cold nose and about where it was lodged. Shaking his head, he said, “Harry, how you've remained sane in this place I'll never know.”
Watching what was going on with overly large eyes, Harry just shook his head. Oh, bloody hell, this was nuts.
Once the two had the hippogriff under and were out the front door, Sirius was trying to get Moony moving in the direction of the stairs. However, the werewolf didn't seem to want to go without Snape. Instead, Moony was nudging Snape along in front of him.
Snarling, though moving in the direction Lupin wanted him to go, Snape growled, “Enough, Lupin! You will not growl at me in that lustful manner! I have no idea what is going on in that deranged mind of yours, but leave me out of it.” However, a louder growl and a stronger nudge got him moving up the stairs. “Lupin! Stop it! Whatever you're planning is going to result in me cursing the fur off places.”
Growling, tail wagging, Remus kept nudging Severus up the stairs. After all, he couldn't protect him down here very well, so his room would do just fine.
Shifting back, Sirius watched the two's trek up the stairs shaking his head while he smoothed down his goatee. This was—he didn't even have a clue and did not want details of whatever was going to happen in that room. Turning and facing the two wide-eyed teens, he sighed then said, “We have pizza in the kitchen. Your father will join us when he's done changing his knickers, I suppose, Draco.” Seeing a bare nod from the trembling Draco, he looked at his godson and said, “Harry, have Kreacher fetch your cup. We're going to share a couple of drinks I think. I'm sure we both need it by now.” After another glance up the stairs, he shook his head then herded the two teens towards the kitchen, fully planning to have more than one drink to steady his now heavily jangled nerves.

Sitting in the kitchen, Sirius passed the cup to Harry after taking a drink. He felt steadier now after a few good gulps of the booze from the cup. Lucius was seated at the head of the table downing brandy straight from the bottle as he clutched the trembling masses that were the ferrets cowering under his robes. Draco was seated by his father on the other side of Harry, whining about Narcissa. With all that had gone on that night, Sirius found he could easily ignore that, at least for now.
Polishing off the last of his pizza, Sirius finally felt better and slipped an arm around his godson when he felt him lean heavily against him. He was about to say something about going outside to sit in the hot tub, something that would probably soothe them all, when the door banged open and a snarling Snape strode in. Eyes wide, he watched as Moony trailed along right behind him, tail wagging and tongue lolled out the side of his mouth. Taking the cup from Harry, he downed the contents and refilled it before passing it back to his godson. This wasn't good.
Snatching a full bottle of firewhiskey from where it was stored, Snape plopped on the bench on the other side of the table from everyone. Opening it, he took a good-sized swallow then snarled when Lupin leaned heavily against him whining as his tail thumped on the bench. “I am not sharing, Lupin. Whine all you want! My bottle!”
Leaning over and licking Severus' ear, Moony nudged the arm that held the bottle as Severus tried to take a drink, attempting to get the point across that he wanted the man to share.
“Do not do that,” Severus thundered, glaring at the werewolf. “I need this! I am not sharing.” Feeling his ear being licked again and the tongue slip inside slightly, he shuddered. Looking downright murderous, glaring at the stunned faces across from him, he huffed, “Fine! Just—no more licking and you keep that cold nose to yourself!” Conjuring a bowl, he dumped about half the bottle in it then shoved it in front of Lupin, who began to lap it up with great relish, tail wagging. Huffing, he took another drink. He hated his life, that's all there was to it.
Sitting there, watching the werewolf drink the firewhiskey, Sirius smoothed down his goatee then looked at Snape. Clearing his throat unevenly, he said, eyes drifting back to Moony, “Far be it from me to tell you how to deal with this, Snape, but I don't think it's a real smart idea to get a werewolf who is under the influence of the full moon drunk. Especially with what happened last time he got drunk around you.”
“You deal with your problems your way, Black, and I'll deal with mine in my own,” Severus snorted, downing more of the drink. Hearing Lupin snort then feeling the tail thump again, Severus dumped more firewhiskey into the bowl. If it kept that cold nose from some very sensitive areas and stopped the licking, he'd keep feeding the werewolf booze. Because, seriously, he couldn't take much more of this.
Nodding slowly as he took in the scene, Sirius decided that none of them, especially Harry and Draco, needed to see what might come of this encounter. After clearing his throat loudly, he said, “Let's go sit in the hot tub for a while. It should relax us. Snape and Moony can—well, they're on their own.” Seeing nods, he began herding everyone towards the door, not even wanting to look back. This wouldn't end well and he didn't need to see such things!

Sitting on his side of the bed, head in his hands, Harry was shaking his head. It was like three in the morning and sleep—that wasn't happening! Sighing, he lifted his head and looked at his godfather. Sirius, too, was awake, though he couldn’t sit up. Like after the last encounter with Buckbeak, Lucius was too traumatized to sleep alone so he was in there with them, using Sirius as a teddy bear, having both his arms and legs wrapped around him. Even from where he was sitting, he could see the drool dripping down on Sirius. If that wasn't bad enough, Draco was on the other side of his father, wrapped around Lucius much the same way, whining, loudly, in his sleep. On top of that, despite the wards on the room, they could hear Snape and Remus below them. It sounded like they were having a howling contest.
Slumping, Harry's head dropped forward and he muttered, “I can't take much more of this.”
“Makes two of us,” Sirius snarled as he tried to shift around into a more comfortable position. Huffing when Lucius just seemed to clutch onto him tighter, starting to whimper in his sleep, he shook his head. “Bloody hell, this is nuts!”
Head still down, Harry sighed then said, “I'm getting a bottle of firewhiskey and sharing it with you. Maybe if I drink enough I can get some sleep.”
“Fine, works for me,” Sirius growled as Lucius clutched him tighter, whimpering louder. Oh, someone was going to get hurt the following day. He would make damned sure of that! He just had to make it through the night without completely losing it to attain that goal. That was what he would focus on to get him through a night where he was sure he would end up wanting to murder anyone with the last name Malfoy!
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"Why Me?"