Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Say My Name	By : Thunderbird Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 30143 -:- Recommendations : 10 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
A/N: Wow... just... wow. I am so amazed at the love I received for the last chapter. It made me want to get a new chapter out to you all as soon as I could. I hated having to skip a week, but there was nothing I could do. Between being a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding, celebrating my birthday, and taking my students on a multi-day field trip out of town, I had literally no time to write! I hope I am making up for it now.
I feel like this is mostly setup for the final chapter, which will be coming within the next week, but I hope it has enough good moments that you enjoy it anyway. As always, your reviews mean so much. Please keep the love coming.
Chapter 19: Countdown
Harry watched carefully as Jaime dueled the virtual opponent on Kemp’s training floor. It wasn’t a perfect recreation of what Jaime would experience in a street situation, if he were attacked, since for safety reasons Kemp’s program didn’t allow the opponent to perform more dangerous, illegal curses. But Harry was working around it, and when he had to teach one of his defense students how to block a more dangerous spell, he simply performed it himself, making sure his students had plenty of warning and safety measures in place. It was very similar to how he had taught students in the DA.
The teaching had gone well so far, since Harry and Kemp had reached an agreement that suited both of them. Kemp had easily found Harry multiple students that were interested in learning defense from him, but since Harry’s time was limited, he had capped it at three. Jaime was the first he chose, because Harry knew him already, but also because he had felt a bit of guilt about how his first session with Jaime had turned out. Jaime, unsurprisingly, had been very gracious about the whole thing, and was simply excited to learn the Impediment Jinx after all.
It was this jinx he was using now, in fact, to finish off his opponent. As the opponent was immobilized Jaime sent a powerful stunner that knocked the virtual man off his feet and sent him skidding across the floor.
“Well done!” Harry called, walking back onto the floor. “How did that feel?”
“Very good,” said Jaime, in that pleasant accent of his. “I felt a bit off balance for the first few minutes.”
Harry smiled. “Yes, you were a bit. Could you tell why that was?”
“My center of gravity,” Jaime said, looking a bit sheepish.
“You were nervous,” Harry said. “When you’re nervous you keep tension in your shoulders, and you’re not as grounded as you need to be. But you self-corrected.”
“Just in time, too,” Jaime said with a grin. “I thought I was a goner when it sent that Relashio at me.”
“You recovered nicely,” Harry said. “Just make sure to keep your eyes open.”
Jaime nodded.
They wrapped up their session and Jaime left, thanking both Harry and Kemp for their time, as he always did. After Harry waved a final goodbye to Jaime, who was returning to the waiting room to check out with Vesper, Harry turned to Kemp. The man had been completely silent for the entirety of the lesson, and Harry didn’t know if this was a good thing or not.
“You have a very different teaching style to mine,” Kemp said, “but I can see why it works.”
Harry raised his eyebrows, surprised. “Thank you.”
“You want it all to be instinctual for him. You want him to figure it out on his own, be in his own body.”
Harry nodded. “That’s how I learned. And isn’t that what dueling is all about? You have your students practice until it’s instinct, too.”
“Very true,” Kemp said. “Certain things, like correct stance and wand work, become second nature after a time. But there is some precision required, for the best duelists, anyway, that means one has to be aware of many things at once, and always paying attention to what their body is doing. But I think self-defense is quite different. The way I see it, you don’t want your students to have to think too much. You want them to react; you want them to do what feels natural. Getting the job done, so to speak, is more important than perfect precision.”
Harry thought about that. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“It may be the most fundamental difference between dueling for sport and dueling for defense.” Kemp stroked his beard pensively. “I hadn’t thought about it in those terms.”
Harry wasn’t sure what to say, so he let Kemp think it over for a bit in silence.
Finally, the older wizard seemed to come out of his reverie. “NEWTs are nearly upon you,” he said.
Harry nodded, then heaved a sigh. “Yes, sir.” He didn’t much like thinking about his NEWTs, though he felt he was constantly reminded about them, mostly by Hermione and Draco.
“Have you given any thought to what you want to do after you graduate, and if teaching will be a part of that?”
“I’ve thought a lot about it,” said Harry. “Now that graduation is only a couple of weeks away, I’ve been getting some job offers.” “Some” job offers was a bit of an understatement. Naomi Thickett’s assumption had turned out to be correct, and the offers were flooding in. Some contacted Harry directly via owl, while others went through McGonagall, as they had done when offering him internships. She regularly brought him letters of interest she had received for him at breakfast. Harry simply took them and added them to the pile. It was a bit overwhelming, but at the same time, comforting. While some offers were contingent upon him obtaining certain NEWTs, others didn’t seem to care, including the Diaphone Thickett Foundation, which had sent him an official offer only days after his meeting with Naomi. It was nice to know that even if he choked and completely failed those final tests, he still had a future. It eased much of the pressure.
“I’m sure you have,” Kemp said drily. “Have you made a decision?”
“I think so,” said Harry. He hadn’t shared it with any of his friends yet, but the position Naomi had offered him had been pinging around in his brain almost constantly since she first mentioned it. He’d never expected to be so intrigued by politically centered work, but the idea that he could create his own position, play to his strengths, and focus on the issues that mattered to him made him feel like it was the kind of job where he could keep his integrity intact. And that meant a lot. “There’s a not-for-profit foundation that’s offered me a position. I’m pretty sure I’m going to take it.”
Kemp nodded. “I’ve been reading that you’ve been more politically active recently.”
Harry shrugged. “It’s not my natural inclination, but when something really matters to me… I suppose I’m incapable of just sitting by and keeping silent. Don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but it’s the way I’m built.”
He saw a small smile pass over Kemp’s lips. “What does this mean for your teaching?”
“I don’t want to abandon my students altogether,” Harry said honestly. “I like the ones you’ve found for me. I’ve learned that I don’t want to do this full time, but there’s no reason I can’t take a couple of clients on the weekends. I won’t have the kinds of facilities like you have here, but I could make do.”
“You and Jaime especially seem to have a strong working relationship. Are you going to steal him from me?”
Harry glanced at Kemp to see a good-natured smirk on the man’s face, and relaxed a bit. “Only if he wants to be stolen. He may choose to compete and learn defense.”
“Yes, he may. I hope he does. He’s one of my most promising beginners.”
Kemp walked Harry out, discussing Harry’s schedule for next week, which had to be pared down since NEWTs began in only a little over a week and Harry needed plenty of studying time. After Vesper had put his session on the books, Kemp bid him goodbye and returned to his office. Harry was about to do the same to Vesper when he caught a very funny, almost guilty look in her face.
“What’s up with you?” he asked her.
“Jaime just asked me out,” Vesper admitted, a blush stealing across her cheeks.
Harry smiled. “I knew it. I knew he fancied you.”
“It’s just drinks, Harry. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Harry shook his head. “He fancies you. It’s not just drinks.”
Vesper sighed. “Whatever.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I didn’t usually date my uncle’s clients…”
Harry huffed, exasperated. “Really? You’re using that excuse, after all that talk about wanting a boyfriend?”
“It wasn’t an excuse,” Vesper said defensively. “And you didn’t let me finish. I told him I would think about it.”
“You would think about it,” Harry repeated flatly.
“Yeah.” She reached up and fingered a lock of her hair that had fallen around her face. “And I will, it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Well…” She looked a bit sheepish. “I’ve also sort of been owling back and forth with Anthony Goldstein a little and… he’s also asked me for drinks.”
“Anthony Goldstein, hm.” Harry hadn’t seen that coming. But then again, she’d gotten the chance to talk to just about every 8^th year that night. Anthony must have especially taken a liking to her.
“What? Is there something wrong with liking Anthony?”
“Not at all,” said Harry. “He’s a great guy.”
“Well, then, there you have it.”
“So you’re feeling torn.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“No reason you can’t say yes to both offers and see what happens. As long as you’re being up front about the fact that you’re not being exclusive, what’s the harm?”
She raised her eyebrows, taking that in. “That’s true. But I only have so many hours to socialize in a week. Can I really balance seeing two different guys, even if it’s only casually?”
Harry shrugged. “Why not? One on Friday, one on Saturday.” And then there’s Blaise, a voice in the back of Harry’s head reminded him. He hadn’t said anything to Vesper yet about the dark-skinned Slytherin, though he knew Draco wanted him to.
Vesper laughed. “You make it sound so easy.”
Harry shrugged. “Well, when you have options…” He could picture Draco’s scowling face in his mind’s eye. The blond would not be happy if he found out that Vesper was considering her prospects and Harry didn’t at least throw Blaise’s name into the mix. He cleared his throat. “There’s also…” He sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, because I said I wouldn’t get involved, but I know someone else who’s interested.”
Vesper looked at him in disbelief. “Who?”
“Blaise Zabini.”
She looked at him blankly.
“Lean guy, dark skin, about my height, or maybe a bit shorter.” Vesper took in Harry’s description with narrowed eyes, as if searching through a mental Rolodex. “Dry voice,” Harry went on. “Doesn’t smile a lot.”
Realization dawned. “Oh, him!” Then she looked confused. “Really?”
“Yes, really. He told Draco he likes you.”
Vesper didn’t say anything, her eyes still narrowed and her pale lips in a thoughtful pout. “Are you sure?” she asked, after a minute.
Harry laughed. “Of course I’m sure.”
“We didn’t talk for very long. Ten minutes, maybe, at the most.”
“Maybe so, but he was paying attention to you all night.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“But…” She thought that over some more. “Well, I don’t know. I haven’t given him much thought, to be honest.”
Harry sighed. He was sure Draco would be just thrilled to hear that. “Well, what did you think of him?”
She frowned. “He was very good-looking,” she said. “But in a sort of… you know, like, genteel kind of way. I mean his whole demeanor… he was very polite. I remember that. He told me he was a friend of Draco’s, so I just assumed he was talking to me to be nice, because I’m a friend of yours and everything. He asked me about my dueling, and then he told me about his…uncle, I think it was, who used to duel competitively. Apparently he was one of South Africa’s finest.”
“All right,” said Harry, feeling that still wasn’t much information to report back to his boyfriend. “So what did you… how did you feel about him?”
“How did I feel?”
“Yeah.”
“I felt like I was making normal small talk with an attractive male person who was definitely not interested in me. That’s how I felt.”
Harry laughed. “Except he was interested.”
“Yeah, but he gave me no sign that he was. He kept his distance, for one thing. And his eyes remained on my face the whole time. Not once did he check out my cleavage.”
“Blaise isn’t really the checking cleavage out type.”
“So, you mean he’s gay?”
Harry laughed. “No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. Not all straight men are obsessed with breasts.”
“Oh, I see. So he’s an ass-man, then,” she said, grinning.
Harry ran a hand over his forehead. “Vesper…”
“I don’t know what to tell you, Harry. I’m definitely… flattered by the idea. He seemed nice and he was attractive and obviously smart and all, but I find it hard to believe that he was really all that interested in me. And if he was, then he’s obviously not a very emotive guy, and I don’t know how I feel about that. You know me, I like to know where I stand with people. I like transparency.”
“Sure,” said Harry. “I get that.”
“I’m just not sure he’s my type.”
“What is your type, exactly?”
Vesper tilted her head. “Funny. You know, can be goofy sometimes, cracks jokes, and can also laugh at himself. Outgoing. Friendly. And laid back. Not like, apathetic. Not like he doesn’t care about things, but he doesn’t get worked up easily.”
“Hm,” said Harry. Well, most of that certainly didn’t describe Blaise. “And how are they working out for you, those types of men?”
Vesper gave him a wry smile. “Honestly, I haven’t really been with someone long enough to find out. I did have a long-term boyfriend my final year of school, but we broke up not long after, and since then I’ve just had casual things. The downside to the type of guy I like is that they can be a little… flaky.”
“Mm,” Harry agreed vaguely. “Well, Blaise isn’t goofy, but he is quite funny. He’s got a dry sense of humor. Very, very dry, but clever. You could keep up with him, easily, though. As far as outgoing… I would say he prefers one-on-one interaction, but with his pureblood upbringing he’s very socially skilled, when he has to be.” Harry chewed on his lip, thinking about the last bit of Vesper’s description. “I wouldn’t call him laid back, because he’s very focused and passionate and driven, a bit intense, some might say, but at the same time… he’s very even-tempered. He’s calm. I’ve never seen him lose his temper, even when he easily could have, when I would have, in his position.” He looked at Vesper, who he could see was listening to him carefully. “There is one thing you have in common,” Harry said. “I wasn’t sure if there was much, at first, but now that I think about it…”
“What is it?”
“Neither of you do things half-heartedly. When you decide to do something, you do it. And you pour everything you have into it. You don’t hold back. The one exception to this might be dating. But maybe that’s because neither of you have found the right person yet.”
“Sounds to me like you think I should go out with him.”
Harry shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly. Draco thinks you should, but he has an agenda all his own.”
“And what agenda is that?”
“He wants to see Blaise happy.”
“And he thinks that I could make Blaise happy.”
“I suppose,” Harry said with another shrug. “He knows Blaise better than anyone. He can read emotions on Blaise’s face that I can’t pick up on at all. If he thinks you would be good for Blaise, he’s probably right. But whether or not Blaise would be good for you… I don’t know. It depends on what you’re looking for.”
Vesper thought about that. “Honestly, I would like to eventually have something like you and Draco have. Someone who understands me. Someone who I know I can be myself around because they just… they get me and accept me for who I am. I want something comfortable, natural.”
Harry nodded. “So you want something more serious, then.”
“Yes, I think so. I want something that will become serious, at least. It doesn’t have to be all that right away but I want it to have potential.”
“All right,” said Harry. “Well, I’ll relay that to Draco. That, and the fact that Blaise should obviously make a move before you get snapped up by someone else, if he’s really and truly interested.”
She smiled a disbelieving smile. “You said you weren’t going to get involved. And yet here you are, being the go-between.”
Harry scowled. “Don’t remind me. I’m only doing this because Draco asked me to.”
She gave him a knowing smile. “And you’d do just about anything for Draco.”
“Not ‘just about’ anything,” Harry said. “Literally anything.”
“See, this is what I’m talking about,” she said. “That kind of devotion… I don’t know what it’s like to feel that. I don’t know what it’s like to have someone feel that way about me. But I want it.”
“I have to say,” said Harry. “It’s pretty great.”
“Rub it in, why don’t you?” Vesper grumbled good-naturedly. Then she gave him a soft smile. “In all seriousness, I’m really happy for you. Seeing you two together… it gives me hope, I guess. I’ve dated some real jerk-offs in my time. The guy I dated in school turned out to be one of the worst, in fact. But there are good ones out there.”
“Yes, there are. And you’ve got three of them knocking on your door right now, apparently.”
Vesper grinned. “Lucky me.” She looked pensive, suddenly. “But, you mentioning Blaise… does that mean you want me to hold off on Anthony or Jaime, for the time being? Because I’m not sure…” She trailed off.
“Far be it for me to tell you what to do, Ves,” Harry replied. “If you want to date either of those guys, do it. I have no idea what Blaise’s game plan is. Maybe he’ll reach out to you, or maybe he’ll wait until he sees you in person again. I don’t know. So you should just do what you want, I say. I just wanted to… well… keep him in mind, I guess. If he does reach out to you, I wanted you to keep an open mind.”
She nodded. “All right. I will. But I’m saying yes to the other two. I don’t want to limit my options.”
Harry smiled. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”
***
“I’m going to take the job Naomi Thickett offered me,” Harry said into the dark. They’d had a long day, full of classes and studying, and Harry hadn’t even gotten a chance to say anything to Draco, or anyone else, for that matter, about his decision. Now they were in bed, and Harry felt the sudden urge to get it off his chest.
The rustle of sheets next to him indicated that Draco had heard him. Harry hadn’t been sure if he would get a reaction at all; he’d thought perhaps Draco was already asleep. It was a warm night, too warm for them to cuddle close as usual, and Harry’s barometer for such things was thrown off as a result. But it became clear, as the blond sat up and ignited a couple of lamps with a flick of his wand, that Draco had indeed been listening.
He looked down at Harry with a neutral expression and said, “You’ve decided? Definitively?”
“Yes,” said Harry, surprised Draco even had to ask. When Harry decided to do something, it was almost always definitive. Draco kept looking at him. “You don’t think I should?”
“I didn’t say that,” Draco said carefully. “I think you’d be wonderful at it. But I want you to… I’m worried you’re doing it because… of me. Because I’m a pureblood and you want to make sure the world is safer for me.”
Harry sat up, too. “That’s certainly part of the reason. I want to protect you. I want you to be able to have a real life, free to do whatever you want.” Draco flinched at those words, and Harry stared at him, confused. “I thought you liked it when I fought for you.”
Draco huffed a dry laugh. “I do, Harry. I like it very much. In fact, I think I like it a bit too much.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means…” Draco took Harry’s hand and started playing with his fingers, a nervous habit he’d developed in the past few months. The Slytherin took a deep breath. “I’m a selfish person by nature. I try very hard not to be, but the way I was raised… I never had to share anything, things were done for me, and there was always someone to take care of me. I fight it all the time; I try to be better about taking care of myself. But when it comes to you… the way you take care of me, protect me, stand up for me, I can’t get enough of it. It feels so good, I just always let you do it.”
“I’m glad,” Harry interrupted him, seeing where this was going. “I want you to let me. It’s how I show you that I love you. Or, at least, one of the ways.”
“Yeah, but…” Draco seemed to be at a rare loss for words. “I don’t…” A pained expression crossed his face, and he bit down on his lip hard.
“What, Draco?” Harry pushed. He realized it wasn’t that Draco was at a loss for words, but rather that he simply didn’t want to say what he needed to say. “You don’t what? Tell me.”
“Deserve it,” Draco finished softly, staring at their clasped hands.
Harry blinked at him. “You can’t be serious.” Draco looked at him sharply. “You can’t,” Harry went on. “Come on, Draco, you know better.”
“I do, do I?” Draco asked drily.
“Yes,” Harry insisted. Draco didn’t say anything. “Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know,” the blond said, his voice still quiet. “After everything this past month: the Safar interview, the dedication speech, and now this new job… it’s like you’re making all these big life decisions because of me, not for yourself.”
“I did them for myself, too,” said Harry.
“Really? You would have given Safar that interview about the Heirloom Act if I hadn’t been in the picture?”
“Well, no, but…”
“And if you hadn’t given the interview, you never would have sat down with Ms. Thickett and you never would have been offered the job, and you never would have considered that kind of work.”
“You don’t know that. I might have found my way to that foundation anyway.”
Draco gave him a look. “You would have considered working specifically in the realm of pureblood rights if it weren’t for me?” he asked skeptically. Harry could not answer in the negative, so he didn’t reply. “You can’t decide to take a job just for my sake,” Draco went on. “This is your career we’re talking about. It should be what you want.”
“It is what I want.” Harry wasn’t sure how to convince Draco of this fact. How could he make him see? “I want to do this for you. Therefore I want it for myself.”
Draco shook his head. “That’s not the same thing, Harry. You’re just so selfless that you don’t know how to want things just for yourself. Doing things for other people makes you so happy that you think it’s the same thing as doing it for yourself. But it’s not.”
Harry gritted his teeth. “I don’t know how to separate those things,” he said. “And I don’t really care to.”
“I just don’t want you to resent me years down the line because you chose a career for my sake that turned out to be something you didn’t want.”
“I won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. Because if I don’t like the job, I’ll just quit.”
Draco raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Will you?”
“Yes!”
“Promise me. Promise me you won’t stay in a job you hate just to avoid letting me down.”
“I promise. If I hate it, I’ll quit.”
Draco looked at him carefully for a long time. “It still makes me nervous.”
“Why?”
“Because the last thing I want is for my needs to dictate your life. I love you too much for that.”
Harry sighed. “How can I explain it in a way that you will understand?” he asked. The question was more for himself than for Draco. “Yes, I’m taking the job because of you, in a sense. But not just for you. And not just for me, either. It will be for a lot of people. For other purebloods, and for the wizarding world in general. I believe that I can help make things better if I do this. Because being with you has made me see a different perspective. You’ve made me more open-minded. So in that sense you’ve inspired the decision, but not… I don’t feel obligated, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m just… inspired. Does that make sense?”
Draco thought about that for a bit, his face impassive, and Harry watched him. “Yes,” the blond said finally. “That makes sense.” He looked at Harry. “If you hate it, you’ll quit.”
“If I hate it, I’ll quit.”
Harry saw Draco nod. “All right.”
“I want you to be excited for me, not anxious.”
Draco closed his eyes and bowed his head. “You’re right.”
“And another thing, while I’m at it,” said Harry. “I don’t know where all this ‘not deserving’ bollocks is coming from, but I want you to cut it out. I’m so happy with you it’s ridiculous. I never felt like this with Ginny. I never felt nearly as free to be myself or as sure that I will be supported in my decisions. When something goes wrong, I come to you for help, don’t you see that? I rely on you. You do so much for me. I’m just trying to do the same for you. I’m trying to be worthy of you.”
Draco scoffed. “You don’t have to try, Harry. You already are. Worthy, and then some.”
“Right back at you.” Draco looked at him. “I think that’s the point, though,” Harry continued. “I think maybe… when two people really love each other, they’re supposed to feel… lucky, I guess, that the other person wants them. If they both feel that way, then they won’t take each other for granted.”
Draco smiled. “I couldn’t possibly take you for granted, Harry. I wake up every morning and can’t believe you’re mine.”
“I do the same thing. I do,” Harry said emphatically, as he caught Draco rolling his eyes. “You have to believe me about this. You just… you have to, all right?”
Draco stared at him, and Harry stared right back, not letting the determination in his face waver, even a little.
“I believe you,” he said, finally.
“Good,” Harry said. He leaned in for a kiss, and with the emotional state of both of them it heated up quickly. “Let me show you,” Harry said against Draco’s lips as his hand went exploring for Draco’s erection. “Let me show you what you mean to me.”
Draco waved his wand and their pants were gone in an instant, leaving them completely naked. Draco straddled Harry, kissing him passionately again. He rubbed his arse along Harry’s erection, making the Gryffindor moan.
“No,” Draco said, conjuring lube from his wand. “Let me show you.”
Harry gasped as he felt his cock breach the tight heat of Draco’s entrance, realizing that the Slytherin was going to ride him to completion, and that Harry was going to relish every moment of it.
***
The following week found most of the 7^th and 8^th years fluctuating between blind panic and chronic fatigue as their NEWTs drew ever closer. When they weren’t urgently flipping through texts or notes for anything they’d missed, they were collapsed on tables, chairs, sofas, or even floors in the library or their common room, having succumbed to exhaustion.
Harry was doing his best to be unaffected by the stress. Having confirmed with a quite thrilled Naomi early in the week that he would be accepting a position on her new task force, he felt less pressure than most to perform perfectly on his NEWTs. However, he still had to take the tests, and he still wanted to do well. He couldn’t be sure if a career at the Diaphone Thickett Foundation was going to work out, and it would be smart to have some other credentials in case he needed to go job-hunting in the future. He still studied hard, trying to fit as much into his brain as he could, making sure he reviewed some of the charms and transfigurations that had always been trickier for him, in preparation for the practical exams in those subjects.
But he had nothing on Hermione or Draco. They were like machines, the two of them, and had taken to studying together, constantly quizzing each other and using their natural competitiveness to their advantage. Ron and Harry looked on with something like awe as the blond and the brunette rapid-fired questions on everything from Ancient Runes to Charms to Herbology, and got most of the answers right.
The only time Harry had ever seen Draco so stressed was during his 6^th year, when he had orders he didn’t want to fulfill from Voldemort. Compared to that, though, Draco was handling things quite well. He was perhaps a bit snarkier than usual and had moments of palpable impatience, but not intolerably so. Other than a few instances of sniping mildly at each other, Harry and Draco managed to avoid letting the stress of the impending tests put a strain on their relationship. When they did find themselves getting short with each other, a quickie before bed was usually enough to relieve the tension.
When the morning of his first NEWT dawned, Harry was more relieved than nervous. He knew he had done everything he could to prepare. Now things would just unfold however they unfolded. Draco didn’t take quite the same approach, Harry saw at breakfast as he found his boyfriend absentmindedly munching on a piece of toast while nose-deep in his advanced Charms text. Harry knew better than to interrupt him, and ate his own breakfast in silence.
The written portion of the Charms exam went all right, he felt, though the practical he had that afternoon in the subject was even better. But Harry had expected that. He’d always been better at doing than thinking.
Transfiguration was decent as well, and the Defense exams had been downright easy. Harry and Ron then both got a bit of a break and time to study for Potions while Hermione and Draco took their Ancient Runes exams. Harry didn’t say so aloud, but he was actually glad to get some time away from Draco for a bit. He had taken to comparing notes after every exam with Hermione, reliving the tests question by question, and, though Harry did his best to tune them out, it was starting to drive him a bit mad.
He was as grateful to Draco as he was exasperated by him, though, when it came to the Potions exams. He found, thanks to his boyfriend’s ongoing guidance throughout the school year, that he knew much more than he had expected on the written exam, and the Veritaserum he had to brew for the practical had come out looking just about perfect. He walked away feeling he’d easily accomplished an Exceeds Expectations, which was the best he could have hoped for. He gave Draco some extra special attention that night, to convey his gratitude.
The written exam for Herbology was the last of it for Harry, and when the examiner had called time and magically collected their parchments, Harry sagged back in his chair, finding it hard to believe that he was actually finished. No more school. No more studying, no more essays. Joy bubbled up inside him, and he turned to look a Draco with a grin. Draco smiled back, though it was not nearly as unrestrained. It was then that Harry remembered that Draco was not yet finished, still having a challenging Arithmancy exam to complete, the one test that Draco had been most stressed about.
After a quick lunch, Harry gave Draco a peck on the lips and a soft, “You’ll do great,” leaving him to his last exam. He then ventured out into the beautiful spring afternoon, contemplating all that he had accomplished. His NEWTs were finished, he already had a job lined up, he had a house to move into, and, most importantly, he had Draco to share it all with.
When he reached the edge of the lake he found a spot in the shade, since the weather was warm and sunny, and conjured a blanket to lie down on. Lacing his fingers behind his head, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the solitude, not thinking of anything in particular. He simply let his mind drift from one thing to the next, not snagging itself on anything but rather floating peacefully of its own accord.
He might have drifted off, he wasn’t sure, but he eventually felt a presence next to him, sitting down to join him on his blanket. He smiled, then opened his eyes, suspecting it might be Ron, or Neville, or any of his other friends who had finished their NEWTs and were looking for a relaxed chat. Instead, though, he was met with the indifferent face of Blaise Zabini, who was gazing down at him with dark eyes. Harry sat up, surprised.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hello,” said Blaise. Harry stared at him, waiting. He doubted Blaise had dropped by for a social visit. Their friendship was still a tenuous one. “Draco told me you spoke with Vesper.”
Harry fought a smile. He’d forgotten about the whole Vesper thing, what with worrying about his NEWTs. He’d reported the conversation he’d had with Vesper to Draco right after it had happened, but nothing had come of it, and Harry had too much to worry about to give it much thought. “Yeah,” said Harry. “Draco wanted me to find out what she thought of you.”
To his surprise, Blaise heaved a heavy sigh. “I figured it was his doing.”
Harry tried to work out the subtext of that. “Are you saying you wish I hadn’t?”
Blaise looked at him, his dignified features as difficult to read as ever. “I make my own connections,” he said. “I don’t rely on others to do it for me.”
Harry nodded. He could understand that. He was much the same way. “I guess Draco just got a bit overexcited.”
“To say the least,” said Blaise. “And he feels guilty because he didn’t do a better job of dissuading me from pursuing Hermione. As if anything he could do or say would have dissuaded me. For Merlin’s sake, the fact that she was practically engaged to Weasley didn’t. Why would Draco think he could?”
Harry thought about that. “I’m not sure if it’s guilt,” he said. “Or if he just really wants you to be happy.”
Blaise snorted. “He’s been converted to a belief in true love,” he said drily. “And he wants me to have it, same as him. I have you to thank for that, you know.”
Harry couldn’t help a smile. “Well, I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”
“Hm,” said Blaise. They sat in silence for a minute or two.
“So,” said Harry, finally. “Is this your way of asking me to butt out?”
Blaise looked at him. “Yes, in a sense. I will work things out with Vesper in my own time. I don’t want anyone to be a go-between. It’s all quite childish, in my opinion.”
“I happen to agree with you on that. I only said something to Vesper because Draco asked me to, and because she had mentioned to me that there were already two different men who had asked her out.” He saw Blaise’s jaw tighten at that. “So I thought… well, I wanted you to at least be in her thoughts, as it were, if she was considering her options.”
Blaise thought that over. “Very well,” he said. “So there are others. That’s good to know. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“What makes you say that?”
Blaise looked at him incredulously. “Have you seen her? She’s exquisite.”
Harry smiled. “I thought you didn’t put much stock in looks.”
“I don’t,” said Blaise. “That doesn’t mean I don’t notice. But I’m not even talking about looks. I’m talking about…” He sighed. “Do you know what I liked so much about Hermione, besides her obvious intellect and work ethic?”
“What?”
“Her self-possession. Some people just… they are themselves. They fully embrace it. You’re that way, as a matter of fact. I think it’s one of the reasons Draco is so attracted to you.”
Harry felt his face warm a bit, and decided to turn the subject away from himself. “So you’re saying Vesper is the same way?”
“Precisely. I was already intrigued when Draco told me about her accomplishments. A globally ranked duelist at twenty? That’s quite impressive. And then when I saw her…” He trailed off, looking over the lake. “When I heard her speak. There was… she was just so… unaffected. She had no airs at all. No pretension. Just… pure.” Harry watched his boyfriend’s best mate as he contemplated Vesper’s good qualities, and he could understand, for the first time, what Draco and Hermione both found so compelling about the Slytherin. He considered things deeply. And he did not shy away from sharing his thoughts aloud, unconcerned about what others thought. “It was more than even that, though,” Blaise went on. “Because in her pureness she was… sunshine. I’ve never felt anything like that before. When she looks at you, there’s this warmth that comes with it. You feel it in every part of you.”
Harry stared out over the lake as well, thinking about that. Yes, he had a similar experience of Vesper, but it was in much less romantic terms. But perhaps that was because his heart already belonged to Draco. Or maybe Blaise was more affected by it, because it was something he needed, and was lacking. Now, more than ever, Harry could see where Draco was coming from. He could see how Blaise and Vesper might be good together.
“Well, what are you going to do, then?” he asked.
“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Blaise replied. “Trust my instincts.” He paused there, and Harry waited for him to go on. “I hardly ever do. For the longest time, I assumed that feeling in my gut was just nerves, and I would talk myself out of it. I didn’t realize… what happened with Hermione taught me that reason and conviction are not enough. When you feel it in your gut, you have to trust it. My gut told me that Hermione could never be mine. I was just unwilling to listen, so wrapped up in how perfect I believed we were for each other. I wanted to disregard it. But looking back, I knew.”
“And with Vesper?” Harry asked.
“She’s important,” Blaise said. “I felt it. It was… visceral. And I realized I couldn’t rush it. We will find our way to each other, if we’re meant to. But I won’t force it. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“But what if things start to get serious with one of the other guys she’s started dating?” Harry asked.
“Then so be it,” Blaise said. Harry wasn’t sure what to say to that. He’d have a hard time just sitting back and letting someone else be with the person he wanted to be with. “I’ve put so much work into finding the right woman for me. I’m not sure it’s supposed to be this hard. Watching Draco… he wasn’t even looking to date anyone this year. He wasn’t even considering it. And then the love of his life came along, when he least expected it.” He looked at Harry. “I think I’m working too hard. I’ve been working much too hard at it for a long time.”
Harry looked back at Blaise and nodded. He understood. It shouldn’t have to be that much work. Ginny had been work. She had required a lot of energy. Not that his relationship with Draco didn’t involve work, sometimes. But it wasn’t the same thing. It felt natural. It hardly felt like work at all.
“Vesper is coming to graduation,” he said. “Take some time to talk to her then, more than last time. I don’t know if you want to hear what she had to say about you or not, but she did find you attractive. She thought you were intelligent and polite. But she didn’t get the impression that you liked her. If you speak with her again, I think you should be a bit clearer with her. She prefers people to be up front about those sort of things.”
Blaise absorbed that. “Thank you for the advice.”
They sat in silence, watching the lake, noticing that more and more students were gathering around it as they finished their exams and chose to enjoy the beautiful day. Harry was surprised that Blaise chose to remain with him, rather than move on to other things, but he didn’t mind. The Slytherin had a calming presence that made him easy to adjust to. He lay down on the blanket again, eventually, and closed his eyes, content to let the afternoon drift away.
This time, when he felt another presence, on his right side this time, he knew exactly who it was. The person had laid down next to him, close enough that their arms brushed together, and Harry knew him by smell alone. He opened his eyes to see Draco’s eyes gazing at him. He smiled.
“You survived,” he said.
“I survived. Barely,” Draco said, turning his head to stare up at the sky. “Arithmancy was never my strong suit. I don’t even know why I took it through NEWT level.”
“Because your father told you to,” Blaise said, from Harry’s other side.
Draco snorted. “That’s right. I should have dropped it, then.”
“Well, it’s done now,” said Harry. “And I’m sure you achieved an Outstanding anyway.”
Draco made a skeptical noise, but said nothing more about it. “What were you two talking about, then? I didn’t expect to find you together.”
“Vesper,” Harry said simply.
Blaise gave him a betrayed look as Draco smiled widely. “Excellent,” the blond said. “I’ve been telling him he needs to get it together and ask her out.”
“And on that note,” Blaise said, standing. “I’ll leave you two to do… whatever it is you two do. Stare lovingly at each other, I suppose.”
Draco laughed. “Something like that.”
“Just don’t do anything to get yourselves expelled, after all that work.”
“We’ll be good,” Harry promised.
Blaise took his leave, and Harry turned to Draco. “It might be a good idea to lay off all that business about Vesper. I think Blaise wants to handle it all himself.”
“She’s going to get another boyfriend,” said Draco. “She’s too likeable. He’s going to miss his chance.”
“Not necessarily,” said Harry. “I think Vesper is picky, too. Maybe she’ll end up choosing Blaise on her own.”
Draco eyed him. “Is that what you did? Let me find my way to you?”
“Yes,” said Harry. “I knew and you knew that I liked you. But Hermione told me to back off, and let you figure it out for yourself, and that turned out to be excellent advice, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes, I suppose,” Draco conceded.
Harry grasped Draco’s hand, not bothering to open his eyes. “Guess what?” he said.
“What?”
“We’re done.” Harry did open his eyes to grin at his boyfriend. “We made it.”
Draco grinned back. “That we did.”
“We graduate in two days.”
“I know.”
“It feels pretty good, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does.”
“And I don’t even start at the Foundation for another week, so I have plenty of time to help you move in and get settled, and christen all the rooms in the house we haven’t christened yet…” Harry trailed off suggestively.
He expected a lascivious grin from Draco, but what he got was silence. “Draco?” he asked. “Did I say something wrong?”
Draco shifted next to him, staring at the branches above them. “No,” he said. “That sounds nice.”
Something in Draco’s tone put Harry on edge. “What aren’t you saying?”
Draco licked his lips. “There’s something I’ve been putting off talking to you about. Because I don’t know how you’re going to react. I have a feeling you’re not going to like it.”
Harry’s stomach clenched. “What is it?”
Draco hesitated, and Harry resisted the urge to push him, mustering all the patience he possessed. “I don’t think I can move into Grimmauld with you right now.”
It took a few seconds for that to fully register. “Why not?”
Draco sighed, still not looking at Harry. “My mother.” He didn’t say anything else for a bit, and Harry waited. “I just don’t think… she’s been having a hard time. She won’t tell me that, but I can tell, even just through her letters. This year, with me being gone, and my father being in prison, she’s been lonely. She’s never been alone like this before. I’m not sure I can bear to put her through more of it, indefinitely.”
“So you think you need to stay in Malfoy Manor,” Harry clarified.
“For the time being,” Draco said, finally meeting Harry’s eyes. “But not forever.”
Harry was trying to let that sink in, but it was difficult. He had been counting on getting to live with Draco next year, taking their relationship to the next level. “Well,” he said, finally. “I understand that decision. But I… well I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I want to live with you.”
“I know. I do too. But we can… I mean, there’s a simple solution.”
“And what’s that?”
“You come live with me.”
“At Malfoy Manor?”
“Yes.”
Harry, again, tried to absorb what he was hearing, but was finding it difficult. Move into the manor? Did he really want to…? No, he didn’t even need to contemplate the question. He knew the answer.
“I wouldn’t just be living with you, then. I’d also be living with your mother.”
“Do you have something against my mother?” Draco asked pointedly.
“No, no,” Harry said, his tone admonishing. “Don’t do that. You don’t get to do that. You know full well I like your mother very much. But that doesn’t mean I want to live with her. There are plenty of people who I like a lot who I don’t want to live with. In fact, the only person I want to live with is you.”
"It wouldn’t be like it is here,” Draco argued. “Living in close quarters. We’d have our own space.”
“Yes, but it would still be meals with her, every day. It would be her house.” Harry knew, no matter how long he lived in the manor with Narcissa still living there, he would always feel like a guest.
“It’s my house,” Draco corrected. “My mother just lives there.”
“Sure, on paper. But what with her having lived there for decades, and how she is now running the estate, in hardly feels like just your house. It feels like hers.”
“Harry…”
“I want something that’s ours, Draco. Just ours. I don’t want there to be anyone else.”
Draco’s jaw clenched. “Well, for the time being, there has to be.”
Harry didn’t particularly like that stubborn tone. “And what am I supposed to do with Grimmauld, then, hm? Just let it rot?”
Draco scoffed. “It’s not going to rot, Harry.”
“Thelonia told me the transformation is not complete. The renovators may be done redoing the space but the malevolent magic is still in the process of being driven out. And the surrogate artifacts will only work for so long. We’re at the point where someone has to actually live there. Someone who owns the house, someone who considers it home. And that someone is me.”
“You can’t put that off for a couple of years? The house won’t suffer for that short amount of time.”
A couple of years? Harry did not want to live in Malfoy Manor that long. He didn’t want to live in Malfoy Manor at all.
“I want to live there, Draco. It’s as important for me to live in Grimmauld as it is important for you to take care of your mother. It’s the only connection I still have to Sirius. It’s the only home I’ve ever had that was really mine. I need to live there. And you spring this thing on me at the last minute, two days before we’re supposed to move in together-“
“We never even really talked about this properly, you know,” Draco countered. “You just took it as a given that I would want to move into Grimmauld. But you never actually asked me.”
Harry gritted his teeth, but admitted, at least to himself, that Draco had a point. “Still, you could have said something earlier. This is a big decision.”
“Yes, it is,” Draco agreed with a sigh. “For a while I was planning to move into Grimmauld. But I… I owe my mother so much. I owe her my life. And I’m afraid that if she continues to be alone she’ll just… shrivel up, become a shell of herself. I don’t know what else to do.”
Draco’s voice sounded so helpless that Harry felt his heart clench. A part of him, a big part of him, understood where Draco was coming from. If he’d still had a mother, he would want to take care of her the way Draco did for Narcissa. But neither could he pretend that living with his boyfriend’s mother would be satisfying for him. He'd had such a clear vision of how their life would be: spending time together after work every day, sharing meals, just the two of them, having sex wherever they felt like it, being as loud as they wanted. Everything, just the two of them, their little family, just for the first few years, until kids entered the picture. But he wanted time with just Draco. He needed it. He could not have any of what he envisioned if Narcissa was under the same roof. It just wouldn’t be the same.
And he needed something else, too. He needed to live in Grimmauld. He needed a place to call his own.
“I want you to have what you need, Draco,” Harry said. “But I have needs, too. Grimmauld is one of them, for right now. And you said you didn’t want your needs to dictate my life choices.” He hated throwing Draco’s generous words back at him, but he was finally seeing the value in them, how sometimes a person had to make a choice for themselves, and not for someone else.
Draco closed his eyes, looking pained. “You’re right,” he said softly. “I’m asking too much of you.”
Harry was grateful for the concession, but he wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. “So,” he said, into the silence. “What do we do?”
“We seem to be at an impasse,” Draco said. “I need to be at the manor, you need to be at Grimmauld. So… perhaps…” He swallowed. “I suppose we just don’t move in together right away.”
That hit Harry like a blow to the sternum. He didn’t like that idea. He didn’t like it at all. And yet, was there any other solution, except for one of them to compromise on something that was fundamentally important to them?
“It doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” Draco went on, his tone more reasonable now. “We haven’t even been together a year. And it’s not like we won’t see each other. I can come and stay at Grimmauld every weekend. And you can come by the manor anytime you want. We can make it work.” He sounded like he was trying to talk himself into it as much as Harry.
“Sure,” Harry said, uncertain as to what else could be done. “We could make that work.”
“We’ll have to,” Draco said. “Because I’m not going to lose you, not over this.” He looked at Harry. “I will love you forever. Not living together right away won’t change that for me.”
Harry felt a bit of the pain in his chest ease, hearing that. “Same for me,” he said. “I can’t lose you.”
Draco clasped Harry’s hand tightly. “We’ll make it work,” he said.
“Yeah,” Harry said, squeezing Draco’s hand harder, wishing with all his heart that he really believed it.
Dedicated_Reader: Lol me too! Yeah, I knew I wanted to do something with them switching. And then I thought, why not bring a little D/s into it too?
SickPuppy: Thanks!! Glad it was hot, after all. I don’t always know about such things in my smut, what people will be into.
And I’m glad you liked the pluralism discussion! That’s another thing I never know if people will appreciate. But I like to bring in topical issues when I can. Glad it was enjoyed :)
Book_addict_89: Lol yeah probably not the best chapter to be reading while surrounded by people (I’m assuming you were on a bus or a train for your commute). I’m proud of Draco, too! He did some growing in that chapter, and I also think Harry got a new perspective on Draco’s experience of sex as a bottom.
Apothic: I’m so glad you like it overall! Not sure what you meant by “polite,” exactly. Generally speaking, yeah, they are kind to each other. That’s just how their dynamic unfolded for me as the story went on. If you’re referring to the D/s specifically, you are most definitely correct in that I don’t tend towards any humiliation play with them. It’s just not my thing (though I get why other people like it), so I don’t tend to write it in my own smut. But I can see how it could be fun as part of a Drarry dynamic.
djaddict: Lol yeah… there was a part of me that wanted to find a way for them to both win so Draco could take Harry shopping. Some time in the future, though. Draco is determined!
smn: Thank you so much! I wanted to get topical but I didn’t want to beat anyone over the head with the issue. I’m glad you enjoyed it. And I agree (as you can see, based on this chapter), Harry would be crazy not to take the job with Naomi. It’s perfect for him, which is why I wrote it that way!
beth626: Thank you! And thank you again! It means so much to hear from new readers.
goddess-of_dragons: So glad you’re back! And no worries about being MIA for a while. I know how work can get. I’m just glad you’ve stuck with it and you’ve enjoyed each installment. I love hearing that!
Jan: Here you go! And yes, they are quite sweet. I hope to strike a good balance with that, and not make it saccharin, but I do love those moments when they are just good to each other.
- 18
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- 20
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