Waking up | By : Pegasus Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 2782 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. I gain nothing from publishing this, no money, no fame, no fortunes. |
Chapter 18
Sophie woke the next day feeling even better. She had so enjoyed the afternoon with Sam. He seemed more relaxed around her and her family as well now. She decided to not get up immediately, instead she stayed beneath her covers snuggling into her pillow and thinking about her husband. How strange. She was aware he had taken this step only to be able to help her. And all the circumstances of her trip to that strange hospital were quite mysterious but she had promised not to question it and since she was feeling so much better, something must have truly happened with her. After the many months that she had fought the cancer and after having been told that she was loosing this battle, the sensation of being free from the pain was still incredible. She was filled with such happiness and gratefulness and she thanked the Lord in her morning prayer for having sent Sam to her. But her thoughts also turned to the fact that she was a married woman now. She liked the sound of that. Should she refer to herself as Mrs. Ashworth now? Like the people at the hospital had done? And what would Sam say to that? Sam. She could clearly see his face before her when she closed her eyes. He had been there when she had woken up. He had stayed with her, not leaving her side. She mused how he had looked at the hospital and how he usually looked. She was sure it must have been some type of silicon mask. Something that secret services used or something like that. Maybe he had been involved in top secret operations and had saved the world without anybody knowing it? Rubbish. She chided herself for such childish fantasies. He was Sam. And she had come to …. Well, to what? Dare she call it love? Love his hair? The black, long slightly wavy and fine tresses with the one greyish - white strand at the front right side. Love his beard? That mass of coarse black and grey curls that covered most of his face. Love his nose? This big protruding nose of his, that reminded one of an ancient roman emperor? Love his eyes? Yes! His eyes. The dark piercing depths, that made you aware of the intellect behind them but at the same time warned you of a rough wilderness that would not be tamed. She definitely loved those eyes. And loved his voice...the deep dark notes that voice managed to produce, the quietness with which he usually spoke, his composed and measured way of bringing across his thoughts. Oh, if she never had loved anything in her life, but she knew she loved this voice and always would. It send shivers down her back to listen to him.
So what did that mean then? Did she love him? Was this love? Or was she just grateful for his help? But she had been fascinated by him before he had helped her. But then again, she had then thought she would die, so was that fascination back then merely an unconscious reaction, a last attempt of her pain addled mind to make her believe there was still something worth living for? And if not, what should she do about it? How could she find out whether he felt the same? Because she couldn’t simply assume that he did, could she? But then, he obviously was taking some risk, marrying her so she could be treated in a hospital that other people had no access to. What if someone found out their marriage had only been a scam to ensure her treatment there? Surely he risked severe punishment. So why then did he risk that if he didn’t care for her? Maybe he cared a little bit for her...or maybe he was just such a good person with such a good heart that he couldn’t watch someone die when he had the power to save them?
Oh!!! All these thoughts would get her nowhere. If she wanted to find out how he was feeling about her, she would just have to do the grown up thing about it. She would have to speak to him. Or was that not the grown up thing to do? Should she forget about the very forward approach of a conversation and instead choose the more subtle strategy of seducing him? After all they were married… but she had no idea how to go about that… and frankly, she didn’t feel very desirable in her current state. She was still looking horrible, still her body showed the signs of the ordeal it had gone through… maybe the conversation approach was the better option. They could sit together and talk it through like two adults that made a logical and informed decision together. After all he was a great fan of logic. He would appreciate that. And if he said no and she had misunderstood, it would be better to know now instead of keeping on assuming things and fantasize about things that would never become reality. It would also mean she would have to accept his rejection and preferably without an emotional break down. She would have to mentally prepare herself for this. She hoped she could.
She finally hoisted herself out of her bed and got ready for breakfast. Down in the kitchen she met her parents who anxiously enquired for her health. They looked equally disbelieving and relieved when she told them how well she was feeling. She described how rested she felt, how her joints didn’t hurt and her back didn’t hurt, how she didn’t feel sick or dizzy, how her eyes had not been swollen when she had woken, how she was hungry and couldn’t wait to get outside to walk in the garden.
After breakfast she did try a walk in the garden. She walked to the garden gate and looked up to the path that Sam always came down when he came to visit. What was he doing now? She hoped he would come down again this afternoon. Would he have time? Would he want to come again? He had had invested a lot of time in her lately. She did not want to be a burden to him. Still she hoped she would get to see him today. She really should ask him where he was living. She walked back to the house and around it. At the back she crossed the patio to walk to the other end where the herb garden was. She smelled the light fragrances and felt the warmth that was building with the rising sun by the stone enclosed backend of the garden. Even when she came back to the house she wasn’t tired yet. So she and her parents decided to walk down to the restaurant and have their lunch there.
Sophie had just taken her place at the table by one of the big front windows when the door opened and Sam walked in. He looked around, saw them and without hesitation crossed over to their table.
“Hello.”
“Hello! What are you doing here?” She knew she was smiling madly but she didn’t care. Blast caution, why should she hold back? If he didn’t want her, she prayed he would let her down gently, but she also realised that she didn’t want to hide her feelings from him. She wanted him to know that he made her heart beat faster and that she couldn’t wait to see him when he wasn’t around. She went towards him and hugged him. He looked pleased and she pulled him to her parents. She didn’t even ask if he wanted to sit with them but simply pulled out the chair next to hers for her.
They spent a pleasant lunch enjoying the delicious food which Sophie even managed to keep down this time. After nearly two hours they retired back to the Sophie’s cottage and had tea on the patio. Her parents took the car to go grocery shopping.
They sat there with the tea and talked idly while Sophie was constantly asking herself whether she should use this chance to bring up what she actually wanted to talk about. After all she had decided that this would be what she wanted to do. She was looking for an opportunity to bring their conversation towards their marriage and ask his expectations. But at the same time she kept worrying. If he did not want the same as she did, would he still come down for teas if he knew? Or would he think it best to break their contact? Would she lose him? Was she pushing him if she initiated such a conversation? She was aware that men mostly didn’t like being pushed into relationships. Oh for crying out loud! Why was all this so complicated? By the time her parents had returned she still hadn’t dared to bring it up and so she gave up for the day completely. She was aware that her chickening out would mean that she would have to keep wondering about all of this. But in the end she decided that was better than risking an end to his visits.
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