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A Secondary Education	By : Thunderbird Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 27880 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters. I make no profit from this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
A/N: Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback this time around, and for the continued patience as I work to finish this story. This one took a lot of my energy, and you might see why when you read it, since it deals with some heavier emotional topics mixed in with the Drarry sweetness. Harry and Draco are all good, don't worry. But some important shifts happen in this chapter. I also feel a need to give a warning that this chapter does deal some with terminal illness and dying, a continuation of the Vernon Dursley storyline.
This is the second to last chapter! We have one more to go, plus an epilogue. I can't believe it. I just hope I can do the rest of the story (and our boys) justice. Thanks for reading!
Lesson 19: Life Is Not a Game of Chess
Dear Mother,
Teddy asked after you again yesterday. I told him about my most recent letter to you, that yes, I had mentioned him, that I had told you about his love of flying and Quidditch as well as his ever-improving metamorphmagus abilities. He was pleased, but he wanted to know what you’d said in reply. I could tell him nothing but the truth: that you hadn’t yet written me back. He was wondering why. I suppose, since you are his great aunt and all, that he has taken a particular interest in you. I told him that you were currently on holiday on the coast, and simply hadn’t gotten around to writing me yet.
Perhaps that’s true, and perhaps not. You’re the only one who knows for sure.
I met Andromeda for the first time in years yesterday when she came by to retrieve her grandson from Harry’s house after our afternoon flying together. She really does look strikingly like Bellatrix upon first glance, doesn’t she? I hadn’t realized that, and I will admit that I felt a lurch in my gut at the sight of her. But as soon as I heard her voice the differences were evident. I really rather like her. She’s a strong woman to have survived all that she did, and raising her grandson on her own (Harry helps, of course, but it’s hard when he’s at school). You’d be very proud of her, I think. She was quite gracious to me and asked after you as well. I told her what I could, that you were happy in France, and she seemed glad of that.
Things with Harry are going swimmingly. The relationship was fairly casual the first time around, and now that we’ve acknowledged our feelings we are able to be much more serious and honest. We are taking it slow, but I still see him most days, and even when I don’t see him in person we end up talking by floo for a little while every day. I find I sleep better after I’ve talked to him. Did you feel that way when you and Father were courting?
And speaking of which, when did you know that the arranged marriage had become a love match? I’ve heard you mention it offhand before, but never with any specifics. I’ve always wondered but never asked. There are a lot of things I’ve wanted to know about you but have never asked, actually. Perhaps someday we can see each other again and talk about them.
Harry and I have a big night planned tonight. Pansy is throwing another party (honestly, when is she not throwing a party?) and wants me to bring Harry. They’ve known each other for years, of course, but this will be the first time she’ll be meeting him as my partner. I can tell Harry is nervous, but he’s being a very good sport about all of it. He knows how important Pansy is to me. It helps that Pansy is very supportive of this relationship. I know she’ll be kind to him.
Harry and I also have a tentative dinner scheduled with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger-Weasley (now married, you understand) for next week. Weasley has been rather busy at his job (he’s an Auror) and it’s been hard to pin down a date. I joked that perhaps they both simply wanted to avoid having to socialize with me at all. Harry rolled his eyes and called me a prat, but he does that a lot so I didn’t take offense. He then assured me that his two best friends are actually trying to keep an open mind about the whole thing. It’s likely they are skeptical, as is most of wizarding Britain, but I’m not concerned about that. I will win them over in the end. I’m determined to. And you know what I’m like when I’m determined.
I suppose I should end my letter here and tend to other things. If you are ever inclined to write to me, I’m eager to hear from you. I’d still love to know how you’re enjoying Cassis.
All my love,
Draco

Draco finished the letter with a satisfied flourish and folded it neatly. When his owl Iris returned he would send it off with her, with instructions to deliver it directly to Narcissa if possible. He knew he could not avoid the possibility that his father would get ahold of it first, but there was some chance he wouldn’t, and that was enough.
Draco couldn’t explain exactly why he was still writing letters to his mother, despite the fact that she hadn’t replied to any of them. There was just something in his gut that told him that he should. He just felt as though she was keeping them and reading them. He felt as though she wanted him to write, though he had no evidence whatsoever to support this.
He’d heard from his father twice more already. The day after the initial Howler he sent a letter, illuminating even more the reasons why bisexuality was unbefitting of a Malfoy and why Harry Potter specifically was such an atrocious choice. Apparently the Howler alone hadn’t been enough for Lucius to vent his frustrations. Draco had skimmed the letter apathetically and tossed it in the fire.
Another Howler came not a week later, in reaction to Harry and Draco’s first appearance together in the press. They had been spotted out together in Diagon doing some shopping and research on new texts coming into Flourish & Blott’s, the usual preparations for the upcoming school year. But they’d also taken a break at Fortescue’s, and there were a few photographs of them enjoying ice cream together and “canoodling,” as one reporter put it. There was plenty of commentary on Draco’s checkered past and Harry’s “playboy ways,” all of which clearly irked Lucius. But Draco thought that, more than anything, it was likely the final photo of Harry wiping a bit of chocolate from Draco’s lip and then leaning in for a kiss that really did him in. That was a visual that was going to haunt Lucius Malfoy for a long time. Draco took a grim satisfaction from that.
Narcissa, on the other hand, hadn’t written a word, and Draco had decided to take this as a sign to write her more rather than less. No, she had not yet championed his right to make his own choices, but neither had she condemned him. If she disapproved, Draco could imagine getting a letter from her, much more conciliatory than her husband’s but still beseeching him to reconsider his actions. The fact that she hadn’t written such a letter gave Draco hope. It was enough to spur him to continue this stealth campaign of slowly winning her over with details of Draco’s domestic bliss. It was all she had ever wanted for him, after all.
A throat-clearing got his attention, and Draco looked up from his desk to see that the portrait of his godfather was suddenly occupied.
“Severus,” Draco said lightly. “How are you? It’s been a while.”
“Yes, well, you haven’t been spending time in your study much lately, have you?”
“That’s true,” Draco considered. “I’ve been out of the house a lot in recent weeks.”
“Indeed.”
Something about the tone of that one word had Draco looking at his godfather sharply. They watched each other a moment, each taking the other’s measure.
“Harry Potter,” Severus said finally, sounding somewhere between incensed and resigned.
Draco had to fight a pleased smile as he replied. “Yes. What about him?”
He heard Severus’ telltale sniff and waited. “You know what about him, Draco. You… you are…” He seemed unable to finish the thought.
“In love with him, yes,” Draco said, folding his hands in front of him and looking at his godfather calmly. “How did you hear?”
“Minerva,” said Severus. “She was so giddy about it I was certain she was playing some sort of joke. But she showed me the copy of the Prophet with you splashed across the society pages with… with Potter and I had to believe her.”
“Yes. The photographs don’t lie,” Draco agreed.
There was a prolonged silence in which Severus stared at his godson impassively from his regal portrait. Draco stared back and wondered what the man was thinking, exactly.
“It would be a lie to say I approve,” Severus said finally.
“Good thing I never asked for your approval then,” Draco replied coolly. He loved his godfather dearly, and in his childhood had taken great pleasure in Severus’ patent dislike of Harry Potter. Now, he had a rather different perspective.
“Why him, Draco?” Severus asked, and his voice sounded about as pleading as he would ever allow it to become. “If you want a man, that is fine with me, but this man-“
“It’s a relief to know you aren’t a homophobe, Uncle,” Draco interrupted. “Only prejudice in other ways, it seems.”
“I beg your pardon,” Severus replied, sounding genuinely affronted.
“Prejudiced against Potters, is what I meant. I’ve heard a little about how much you hated James Potter in school. I understand that your dislike of Harry was a byproduct of that, and based on no actual understanding of Harry himself.”
Severus sniffed again. “My dislike of the younger Potter was a direct result of his own behavior. That he was so like his father in every unpleasant way only confirmed-“
“And what of his mother then? Lily?” Draco asked, shuffling some papers around on his desk so he wouldn’t have to look at the older Slytherin. “Was he not like her at all?”
There was silence again.
“What has he told you?” the man hissed, making Draco look up in surprise.
“I’m sorry? What has he told me? About his mother?”
Severus hesitated a moment. “Yes.”
“That she was by all accounts a lovely woman,” Draco said, flabbergasted. “Brilliant, brave, and exceptionally kind. Harry is not the only one to give me such an account of her, actually. Why? Do you know something about her that I don’t?”
Severus narrowed his eyes at Draco before saying, curtly, “No. That is accurate.”
“Well, then…” Draco said. “My experience is that Harry is more like his mother than his father. Not that I knew either of them, of course. But Harry himself admits that James was a bully in his youth, a fact that I can see disappoints and saddens him. But he also has reason to believe his father grew out of it as he matured, and he takes comfort in that.”
Severus snorted. “I’m sure.”
Draco cut his eyes to his godfather in warning. “Let’s not pretend that you and I don’t both know a thing or two about being a bully, Severus. And I stand as living proof that a person can grow out of such behavior. Compared to Harry, you and I-“
“This is quite disturbing, and I wish to hear no more of it,” Severus said sharply.
“Very well,” Draco said lightly. “You are always free to leave.”
“You defending Potter…”
“He is the love of my life. Why should I not defend him?”
Severus spluttered a moment. “You’re really serious about this.”
“Yes.”
“Harry Potter.”
“Yes.”
“I can’t even begin to-“
“Yes, I know. It’s a bit hard to wrap your head around, and I have sympathy for that.” And Draco honestly did. From the outside it would seem sudden, to those who had no idea what had occurred in the past year. But to Draco, it was hardly sudden at all, and in his certainty he had very little interest in quibbling about it. “But might I remind you that it was you yourself that said I ought to find a partner worthy of me. And I cannot think of a person more worthy than Harry. And, before you protest…” he said, seeing his godfather open his mouth to interrupt, “know that I’m not talking about his role in the second war or his defeat of Voldemort. I’m talking about who he is as a person. Who he is with his friends, his godson, with me. I can’t even begin to tell you, Uncle…” He trailed off, in serious danger of getting misty-eyed. He swallowed. “You didn’t see me much before the summer. You didn’t see me upon my arrival at Hogwarts. But I was… a different man. So unsure of myself, so lost…”
“And Potter fixed you, is that it?” Severus asked derisively.
“No,” said Draco. “Because he would never think I needed fixing. He simply… allowed me to figure myself out. He… made room for whatever I needed to be moment to moment and… and…” He shook his head. “And let me figure it out, only helping when I asked for it. And, most importantly of all, he never doubted me. He never, ever doubted that I was capable-“
The floo chimed. Draco turned towards it, startled. He wiped his eyes quickly.
“Forgive me,” he said to his godfather. “I ought to answer.”
Severus said nothing as Draco made his way to the hearth and opened the floo connection. Harry’s head and torso appeared, a grim expression on his face that immediately had Draco’s stomach plummeting.
“Harry? Is everything all right?”
“I…” Harry seemed to be at a loss to answer. “I’m not… well… no, I suppose not.”
“What happened?” Draco asked.
“My uncle Vernon’s in hospital. Has been, actually. But Dudley just called to tell me that he’s lost consciousness and that this… this is it. It won’t be long now.”
“Oh.” Draco wasn’t sure what to say. “How are you feeling?”
Harry stared at him, his mouth a flat line and his eyes conflicted. “I don’t know. Dudley’s… asked me to be there. He thinks it would be good for us to have closure, even though… He’s asked and I…”
Draco waited for Harry to go on, but when he didn’t he prodded, “And what do you want? What you do you need?”
Harry ran a hand over his eyes. “I think I need to be there. I know it sounds… it doesn’t make any sense. But I think I need to see him, one last time.”
“So you’re going to the hospital?”
“Yes. In just a few minutes.”
“Can I come with you?”
Harry’s eyes shimmered in the green flames of the fire. “Would you?”
“Happily,” Draco replied immediately.
“It’s a lot to ask.”
“I’m offering. Because I want to be there with you.”
Harry stared at him a moment. “Yes I… I would love to have you there.”
“Good, then. Let me change into some Muggle clothes and I’ll be there shortly. Leave the floo open for me.”
“Thank you,” Harry said, sounding like he truly meant it. “I love you.”
“I love you too. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Harry cut the floo connection and Draco stood. When he turned back to the portrait of his godfather, the man had the most peculiar look on his face.
“Vernon Dursley is dying,” Severus said flatly.
“It appears so,” replied Draco. “I have to be off. We’ll continue this discussion later.”
“Indeed.”
Draco Apparated upstairs to his bedroom and quickly threw on a pair of black jeans and a jumper, deciding he didn’t have to worry too much about presentation. He was anxious to get to Harry.
Harry was pacing his sitting room when Draco came through the floo. He paused, staring at Draco, and immediately came into Draco’s arms as they opened for him.
“I’m sorry,” Draco said softly.
“I don’t know what to feel,” Harry replied. “But I’ve decided I ought to be there. Simply because…” He pulled back, his hands clutching Draco’s shoulders. “There’s no going back from this, is there? There is no chance to do it again. So if some small part of me wants to do it, I ought to.”
Draco took him in: the sallow pallor of his skin, the lines on his forehead. “You don’t have to justify any of it to me, Harry.”
“I know that,” said Harry. “I suppose I’m still trying to talk myself into it. There is a part if me even now that wants to flee and not face it at all.”
“And what reason do you have to go ahead and face it?”
“Because I must face him at some point, musn’t I? He’s the person who, other than Voldemort, has shaped my life the most in ways I could not control. He… made me, whether I like to admit that or not. Adversely, perhaps. But he did. And I think it’s as important to come face-to-face with that as it is to be face-to-face with the people I loved the most in their moment of death. I’ve done plenty of that and it was good for me, in the end. And this is different, but also… the same, in some way I can’t really explain.”
“You want to put him behind you,” Draco said in an attempt at a summary.
“Yes,” Harry said, pulling Draco closer. “I think that’s it.”
“Well, then that’s what you should do.”
“I’m frightened,” Harry admitted, his voice small.
“I’m here,” Draco said.
“I’m so, so glad of that,” Harry replied, and they remained still for a few moments, just clutching each other, Harry’s cheek resting against Draco’s.
Then Harry pulled back. “All right, I’m ready.” He offered his elbow. “I’ll Apparate us.”
Draco took the elbow with a nod. He was ready too.
***
The Muggle hospital reminded Draco of St. Mungo’s in many ways, despite the difference in the signs, the lifts, and the uniforms of the personnel. There was a bustle around them as they entered the place, a bustle of those saving lives and doing important things, that he supposed was a hallmark of any hospital, magic or Muggle.
Harry asked the front desk for directions to the ICU, and they had to take a lift two floors up before making their way through a maze of hallways to an area marked “Intensive Care.”
It was immediately apparent they had come to the right place when they both spotted Dudley Dursley standing in a hallway next to a woman with long, straight, sandy blond hair. The man looked up when he saw them.
“You made it,” he said, immediately pulling Harry into an embrace, much to both wizards’ surprise.
“Of course,” Harry said softly as he pulled away. “Dudley, you remember Draco.”
The blond Muggle extended a hand. “Right. Good to see you again.” Draco shook his hand and then turned to the woman next to him, following Dursley’s lead. “And this is my wife, Allison.”
Of course, Draco realized. Dursley had married in June. Draco himself had been informally invited to the wedding.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” Allison said, clutching his hand in her two small, soft ones. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
From who, exactly? Draco wanted to ask, but didn’t. He knew this wasn’t the time. He watched Harry lean down and give Allison a kiss, and they exchanged a few soft words in mutual greeting.
“Where’s your mum?” Harry asked his cousin once he’d pulled back from Allison.
“She’s in with him,” he said, pointing to a hospital room door to their left. “But she’s expecting you. You can go on in, if you like.”
Harry turned to Draco with a question in his eyes, and Draco nodded, indicating he would follow Harry’s lead on this. Harry turned towards the door and Draco went behind him, throwing a small wave in the direction of Dursley and his wife.
It was a private room, dimly lit with a single bed and a small sofa along one wall. There was a soft beep beep that set a rhythm in the room, and otherwise there was only stillness. The man lying in the bed could only be Vernon Dursley. He had the look of someone who had once loomed large but had shrunken quickly. His skin was withered and pale, his limbs sagging limp and thin under the bedspread. There was a tube attached to one of his arms as well as one in his nose, a sight Draco found both strange and disconcerting.
In a chair by the bedside sat a tall, bony woman with graying hair. She craned her long neck in their direction as the two men entered the room, her severe face drawn and wary.
“Petunia,” Harry greeted her.
The woman stared at her nephew a moment, her eyes beady and discerning. “I didn’t actually think you’d come.” There was neither awe nor gratitude in her voice. There was barely disbelief. If anything, she sounded begrudging, and it made Draco bristle with dislike.
“Dudley asked me to,” Harry said. “And I thought… Well, it seemed like the right thing.”
Petunia sniffed, turning back to her husband. She patted the man’s spotted, fragile hand and said, “Very well. I’ll leave you to it, then,” as if she were speaking to Dursley, and not to Harry.
It was when she stood that she finally noticed Draco in the room as well. She paused, seeming momentarily stymied.
“Petunia, this is my boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. Draco, my Aunt Petunia.”
Draco nodded his head. “A pleasure,” he said, copying Harry’s indifferent tone.
“Yes, I’m sure,” said the woman. Draco had no idea what to make of that. And he didn’t have much time to consider it, because she immediately swept past both him and Harry, making for the door. “We’ll be in the lounge,” she added, as an afterthought, before she closed the door behind her.
Draco turned to Harry. “Charming woman.”
Harry gave him a small, amused smile. “She’s usually a bit warmer than that. I think Vernon’s illness has taken its toll.”
Generous as usual, Draco thought but didn’t say aloud. It was not his job to become embroiled in family disputes or drama, not this day. Maybe someday he would get a chance to say his piece to Petunia Dursley, but that wasn’t what Harry needed from him right now.
“Well,” said Harry, standing there and looking at his uncle. “I suppose we can… sit.”
“Where do you want me?”
Harry looked around at him. “Anywhere you would be comfortable.”
Draco nodded, making his way around the bed and settling himself on the sofa. Harry didn’t join him there, but rather took the chair that Petunia had been occupying minutes before.
He didn’t make any move to touch Dursley, only watched him impassively. Draco studied Harry for a bit in silence, but became distracted momentarily when he heard the honking of a car horn outside. He looked out the window to the street below, where a car appeared to be blocking an intersection, much to the annoyance of the other drivers.
A heavy sigh from Harry brought Draco’s attention back into the room after a minute.
“I’m not sure I can do this,” Harry said.
“Do what?” Draco asked gently, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, meeting Harry’s eyes across the hospital bed. “Be here?”
Harry shook his head. “Talk to him.”
Draco nodded slowly. Right. He could see how that would be difficult. What did Harry have to say to his uncle, at this point?
“With someone else in the room,” Harry finished, after a perceptible pause. His eyes were apologetic, and Draco suddenly understood.
“You need to be alone?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Draco said immediately, standing. “This isn’t… Whatever you need, you get, all right? You don’t have to worry about me.” He came around the bed again to Harry.
“I dragged you all the way here, though.”
Draco leaned down over Harry’s chair, so their faces were only inches apart. “Not quite,” he said drily. “I believe I offered and told you I wanted to be here. Because I do. And if you need some time alone with him, that’s perfectly reasonable. I’ll just wait outside until you need me, all right?” He kissed Harry on the head. “No guilt.”
Harry gave him a watery laugh. “Yes, sir.”
Draco lips found Harry’s mouth and gave him a soft peck. “I’ll just get to know your charming family a little better, shall I?”
Harry snorted lightly. “You’ll enjoy Allison, at least. She’s lovely.”
“Mm, good then.” He gave Harry one last, light kiss. “Come get me if you need me.”
“I will.”
Draco went out into the hallway, looking around for any signs of the lounge Petunia had mentioned. He spotted one that pointed him to the right, and Draco ventured that way, albeit reluctantly. A part of him wanted to simply linger in the hallway and wait for Harry. But he knew it would be bad form not to find Harry’s relatives and at least make an attempt at friendliness. They were a part of Harry’s family, for better or for worse.
The lounge was small, sparse, and free of occupants save for the three Dursleys sitting together along the far wall. They all looked up in surprise when Draco entered, and he gave him a closed-mouth smile and a nod of his head as he came to sit down in one of the chairs against an adjacent wall. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, and he adjusted himself a moment, aware that the Dursleys were all watching him.
“Harry’s still in there, I guess,” said Dudley, after a pause.
Draco nodded. “He asked to have a few minutes alone,” he explained.
“For what purpose?” Petunia asked, her tone strangely suspicious.
Draco arched a brow. “I believe he just wanted some privacy,” he said mildly. “To talk. To say what he needed to say.”
Dudley was looking at his mother sideways, his mouth twisted. “What did you think, Mum? That Harry’s going to do something to him? Now? After all this time?”
There was a beat of silence, and then Petunia stood stiffly from her chair. “I’m going to get some tea,” she announced to the room, and left.
Allison clutched her husband’s hand in her own, leaning over to murmur to him. Still, Draco could catch the words.
“I don’t think she meant it like that, love. It’s just the stress.”
Dudley sighed. “She takes it out on everyone, though. Most of all him.”
“Yes,” Allison agreed gently. “And you take yours out on her.”
Her voice was so soft and loving that it didn’t even seem like a chiding, just an observation. Dudley’s shoulders sagged.
“I’ll apologize to her when she comes back,” he said resignedly. Allison gave him a kiss on the cheek, and Draco hid a small smile behind a hand, straightening his expression out completely when Allison turned to him.
“I’m very glad you’re here, Draco, so we could finally meet.”
“Me too,” Draco said. “And congratulations on the nuptials. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there.”
“Thank you. We’re sorry to have missed you as well. It wasn’t a huge affair, but it was lovely all the same.”
“I’m sure.”
“What I remember of it anyway. It was all a bit of a blur, to be honest,” she added, smiling sheepishly.
Draco laughed lightly. “So was mine,” he said, before realizing neither Dudley nor Allison would have any context for what he was talking about. They both looked at him, surprised. “I used to be married,” he explained hurriedly. “It was something my parents arranged. Needless to say, it didn’t last.”
“Ah,” said Allison. “Well, I’d say it was a shame, but then, you wouldn’t have found Harry then, would you?”
“Very true,” agreed Draco. “So it all worked out.”
“Life has a way of doing that, if you let it,” said Allison.
They drifted into a thoughtful silence, as if each contemplating whether or not that was true. Petunia Dursley came back into the room, two steaming paper cups clutched in her hand. To Draco’s shock the woman approached him and held out one of the cups.
“Would you care for tea?” she asked flatly.
Draco took it from her automatically. “Thank you.”
The woman nodded and took a seat, a little farther from her son than she had been sitting before.
“You weren’t at the wedding,” she remarked to Draco, surprising him yet again. “Dudley seemed to think you would be at the wedding.”
Draco glanced at Harry’s cousin, who shrugged at him, as if in apology.
“No,” Draco said cautiously. “I was just telling Allison and Dudley that I was sorry to have missed it.”
“He brought some female friend with him instead,” Petunia remarked, and Draco noticed a thin thread of disapproval in her voice, which seemed out of place. “She’d left her infant daughter at home with her husband to attend a wedding with another man.”
Ah, Draco realized. That’s why she disapproves.
“Sounds like it was Hermione Granger,” he said.
“Yes, that was her name,” said Allison. “Hermione. She was quite nice, wasn’t she?”
“She’s one of Harry’s oldest friends,” Draco remarked. “And, what with Harry being gay and all, I’m sure there was no impropriety intended.”
There was a silence, in which Petunia stared into her tea, Dudley drummed his fingers on his knee, and Draco realized he had probably just crossed a line without meaning to.
“Well, I thought she was lovely,” Allison said gamely. “I think Harry was very glad to have her there.”
“I’m sure,” said Draco. He took a sip from the cup in his hand, fighting a grimace. It was the cheap stuff. But at least it was hot. He forced himself to swallow.
“I think I’d like to take a walk,” Dudley said suddenly. He looked at Petunia. “Mum, would you like to join me?”
Petunia stared at him a moment, blinking. But then she nodded. “Very well. I’m no good sitting around, anyway.”
Dudley gave his wife a peck on the lips. “We’ll be back,” he said softly.
“Take your time,” she whispered to him. When mother and son were gone, she got up out of her chair and sat down next to Draco.
“I’m sorry,” Draco said immediately. “It seems I’ve only made things worse.”
“No,” Allison assured him. He turned to look at her. This close up he could see small freckles spotting her nose and genuine warmth in her deep brown eyes. “If you hadn’t said something, Dudley would have, and it likely would have come out… much less diplomatically.”
“He does that a lot then? Defends Harry?”
“Recently, yes. Mostly because he’s right in that Petunia can slip into some old habits about Harry’s… you know…”
Draco stared at her, wondering if she was trying to avoid the word “homosexuality.” But then she looked around the room and leaned in, whispering, “You know… magic.”
“Ah,” said Draco, nodding knowingly. “Right. She used to have a problem with it. Harry told me about that.”
“Yes. And she’s not entirely comfortable still. And I think that shows itself when she’s upset or stressed. And she’s pretty much in constant grief nowadays, so…”
“Right.”
“And then Dudley reacts defensively, exacerbated by the fact that he’s constantly grieving nowadays…”
“Sure.”
“And then she closes off, and they both get more upset, and… it’s a vicious cycle,” she finished.
“You seem to do a good job navigating it.”
“I’m trying my hardest. I don’t always say the right thing,” she admitted.
“Sometimes there is no right thing.”
She looked at him soberly. “That is so true.”
“When did Dudley tell you Harry was a wizard?” Draco asked, lowering his voice.
“A few weeks after he proposed. He felt like I needed to know, not just because of Harry, but because magic runs in the family. He wanted me to understand that we could have a child with… magic powers.” She said it with awe in her voice, and Draco found himself smiling.
“That is a possibility.”
“Apparently Harry explained to him how magic is hereditary, but it can sometimes skip generations, and since Dudley’s aunt – Harry’s mum – was magical, magic runs in Dudley’s family line, even if neither his mother nor either of his maternal grandparents had it.”
Draco nodded. “Yes. The theory now is that non-magical children born to magical parents – we call them Squibs – still have the ability to pass on magic to their descendants. They often marry Muggles – non-magical people – and have children, and sometimes generations down the line the magical ability surfaces again. We call them Muggleborns, because they’re witches or wizards born to Muggle parents. But in truth they are descended from magical lines.”
“Yes, sort of like a recessive gene, I suppose,” she mused. Draco only nodded, assuming she was right. He knew very little about the Muggle study of genetics. “Anyway, Dudley felt like, before we got married, I ought to know what I was getting into. There’s no guarantee of course, but there is the possibility.”
“And what did you think of all that he told you?”
“Oh, I was thrilled,” said Allison, her wide smile making it clear that she was telling the truth. “To think that there’s… magic in the world? It was the sort of thing I only dreamed of as a child. Something I had hoped was true. To find out it was real… Well, honestly, I thought he was joking at first. But he brought me to visit Harry. I met Kreacher, and saw all those moving photographs hanging in the hallway, and after dinner Harry even cast a spell and had the cutlery do a little song and dance for me right there on the table.” She laughed delightedly. “It was amazing. I knew it couldn’t possibly be a hoax.”
“Had you met Harry before that?”
“Oh yes. But he’d only ever come to Dudley’s to have dinner with us. He’d never invited us over to his, and now I knew why. He couldn’t. Not until I knew that magic was real.”
“Sounds like you’re open to the idea of having a magical child.”
“Certainly,” she said. “I think it would be very exciting. I imagine there would be some challenges of course. But Harry has assured me that he will help us if we need it. So… I’ll happily take whatever comes, honestly.”
Draco smiled softly. “It doesn’t surprise me that Harry would offer to help.”
“No,” she said, looking at him knowingly. “He is incredibly generous. I noticed that from the beginning.”
Draco nodded. “He’s always been that way.”
“That’s what Dudley says too. Not that…” She trailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Not that Harry had much to be generous with, growing up, as I understand it.”
“Your husband told you about… that?”
“Yes. He’s always been forthright with me. And he wanted me to understand the family dynamics, once it got serious between us. He wanted me to understand why things between Harry and Dudley’s parents were so strained, even though Harry had been raised by them as well.”
“And what was your reaction?”
“I was… disturbed, to say the least.”
“As was I, when Harry told me the details.”
“It’s quite upsetting,” Allison agreed, her face grim. “Even just hearing how Dudley was encouraged to treat his cousin. He truly regrets it, all of it. He’s worked his whole adult life to make it right. I could see that, and Harry assured me it was true, and that helped me come to terms with Dudley’s part in it. He was a child too, then, and in a way their manipulation of him, teaching him to be selfish and cruel, was its own kind of abuse.”
“Hm,” Draco hummed noncommittally. He wasn’t sure he entirely agreed with that. Vernon and Petunia clearly weren’t going to win any Parent of the Year awards, but he knew full well he would have rather been Dudley in that household than Harry.
Then again, Dudley was Allison’s husband, and a certain amount of empathy for your spouse was important to have. He couldn’t fault her for that.
“It was hard to reconcile that knowledge of Petunia and Vernon, though,” she went on. “They were so kind to me, welcoming. I felt like part of the family immediately. Knowing that they’d done… all that, to a child…” She sighed. “But then Harry told me that I shouldn’t let that history cloud my relationship with them. He wanted me to be able to be close to my future in-laws. He didn’t want to drive a wedge between us.” She shook her head. “Can you believe that?”
“Yes,” Draco said softly.
“He’s a true gem, you know. I feel very honored to call him family.”
“Me too,” Draco replied, before realizing what he’d said. “I mean…” He cleared his throat. “I’m honored to call him my… boyfriend,” he finished lamely.
“Sure, of course,” she said, her eyes twinkling at him. Draco could swear her smile seemed smug for a moment. “In truth,” she added after a pause, “I’m very glad he’s found someone, someone who will really be there for him. He needs that, though he’ll hardy admit it.”
Draco nodded. “I know he does. I’m very glad to be that person.”
“I know he has close friends and a whole wizard family that cares deeply for him,” she went on. “It’s not that he doesn’t have people, it’s just… It’s not the same. He needs someone who will put him above everyone else. Everyone deserves that, don’t you think?”
“I do.”
“Parents should be that for their children too, but not all of them do. Harry essentially never had proper parents. It’s unfair, really.”
“Yes, it is,” said Draco quietly. “But, believe it or not, that was something that sort of connected us. I have parents, mind you, just not… very supportive ones. Especially now. The older I get, the less they seem to approve of my choices.”
Allison gave a dry, breathy laugh, staring down at her hands. “I relate to that to a rather uncanny degree, actually. My parents have never really understood me or my ambitions. They never supported me in what I wanted to do, and I had to make my own way. It was very lonely.”
“Ambitions?” Draco asked.
“You know, university,” she said. “I’ve always loved science, and I decided I wanted to be a biochemist. My parents are working class, not a lot of education… not bad people at all. But they thought I should be content to live the same life they lived, and I wasn’t. So I went off on my own. I shouldn’t have expected them to pay for any of my education, I suppose. But I did hope they would believe in me.”
Draco nodded sadly. “That would be nice. But at that point you just have to decide to believe in yourself.”
“Yes,” Allison agreed. “And find others who will believe in you too. So that’s what I did. I decided to build myself a family, the kind that I would want. When I met Dudley…” She trailed off, blushing. “His faith in me… his awe of me, was unwavering. I’d never felt so special. And his kindness and humility helped me too. I had a few sharp edges, I think because I was always used to having to constantly defend myself. Being a woman in the sciences isn’t easy. He helped soften me a bit, made me less defensive, more confident.”
“He balances you.”
“Yes, exactly.”
Harry does that for me, he wanted to say, but he was a bit too embarrassed to. He’d just met the woman, and already he was baring his soul. He had to chock it up to her openness and this strange, emotional situation.
Still, he didn’t feel much like talking more about himself, so instead he asked her to explain exactly what a biochemist was. She was clearly surprised at the question but was happy to tell him about her studies and her career in research. She was just explaining to him what “toxicology” was when Harry entered the lounge, and she paused as both she and Draco looked up at him automatically.
“Hi, Harry,” she said. “Everything all right?”
“Yes, of course,” said Harry. “Don’t let me interrupt.” He sat himself beside Draco, who immediately took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“We’re just making conversation,” said Allison. “I’m boring Draco with the details of my job.”
“It’s not boring at all, actually,” said Draco. “A lot of it sound almost like Potions, which is my specialty.”
“Potions!” Allison exclaimed, before lowering her voice and displaying a sheepish grin. “Now that sounds interesting.”
Draco glanced at Harry, silently asking how he was with a raise of his eyebrows. Harry looked no worse for wear. His eyes were dry and his expression relaxed. Draco had no idea what the brunet was thinking at the moment.
“Go on then,” Harry said with a soft smile. “Tell Allison about Potions. I’m sure she’d be delighted to hear it.”
Trusting that this was what Harry really wanted him to do, Draco launched into an explanation, beginning with the very basics, and Allison leaned in, listening, riveted. Harry mostly remained silent, listening too, his hand never leaving Draco’s.
Draco hadn’t gotten much past the first year curriculum (Allison had quite a few questions) when the two other Dursleys returned from their walk.
Petunia paused in the doorway, looking around at all of them, and said, immediately, “Who’s in there with him, then?” She was looking at Harry, and the other heads turned towards the brunet as well.
“A nurse came in to check on things. I left her to it,” he explained.
“Is she still there?”
“I’ve no idea.”
“So he’s likely all alone in there? You just left him there?” she asked, sounding more than a little shrill.
Aunt and nephew stared at each other a moment as everyone else was silent and frozen. Draco wasn’t sure what to do. If Petunia was about to berate Harry openly, he wasn’t sure he was capable of standing for it.
But before either Draco or Dudley could step in, Harry stood, looking his aunt square in the eyes.
“I’m sorry, Petunia,” he said. “You’re right. He shouldn’t be alone right now. Let’s all go in and keep him company, yeah?”
Petunia trembled before them, eyes glistening, and said, her voice a rasp, “Yes. All right.”
She turned and walked out of the lounge. The two couples, after various exchanges of glances were shared, followed her back to Vernon’s hospital room.
The afternoon that followed was a strange one. There was a great deal of stilted, quiet conversation around the hospital bed, punctuated with pockets of weighty silence that felt impossible to fill. Dudley paced the room quite a bit, seeming to have difficulty actually looking at his father in the bed. Petunia, on the other hand, seemed unable to take her eyes off of Vernon, and barely participated in the conversation at all. Harry stayed glued to Draco’s side, a hand on him in some way at all times. Draco made sure to stay pressed firmly against him, making it clear it he wasn’t going anywhere. Occasionally he would lock eyes with Allison, and she would give him a reassuring smile.
He smiled back, so very glad that she was there.
As time wore on Draco could feel Harry getting restless. His legs jiggling or his fingers tapping, his eyes glancing longingly out of the window every now and then.
It was when he gave Draco an unmistakably helpless look that Draco realized Harry wanted him to find some way to extricate the two of them. Perhaps he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe he just didn’t have it in him.
So Draco turned to Harry, putting a hand on his thigh and said, quietly, “I’m sorry, love. But I was supposed to remind you that we have to leave by four.”
Harry looked at him, his posture relaxing just a fraction. “That’s right. Thank you.” He looked at Dudley. “I’m sorry. We… have a commitment this evening. So we’re going to have to head out.”
Dudley nodded. “Right. Of course. Thank you for coming. It means a lot.”
Hugs and kisses were exchanged, even between Harry and Petunia, though the latter didn’t say much by way of goodbye. Allison embraced Draco warmly and told him to stay in touch and that he was welcome at their home anytime. Draco thanked her and told her the same.
Harry was practically vibrating as they made their way down the hall, gripping Draco’s hand tightly, exuding tension like a caged animal. When they mercifully reached the automatic doors of the hospital entrance and stepped into the cloudy summer afternoon, Harry immediately went to a nearby bench and put his head between his knees. Draco followed him, crouching down in front of him and putting a hand on his back.
“Harry?”
“Sorry,” Harry said looking up at Draco. His face was taut and drawn. “I just couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know why. I just had to get out of there.”
“It’s all right,” said Draco.
“Thank you for reading my cues. I couldn’t even… I was just so overwhelmed.”
“It’s fine. I understood.”
“Was it obvious to the others, do you think? That I was just making a run for it?”
“I don’t think so. But even if it was, you had every right to leave. It was good of you to come here at all.”
“Dudley and Allison see it that way. I don’t know about Petunia.”
“Let’s not worry about Petunia, shall we? She wasn’t paying much attention anyway. She probably bought the excuse about the previous commitment out of sheer distraction.”
Harry grimaced. “I don’t think I can make it to Pansy’s tonight.”
“I know, Harry. I figured.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. There will be other parties. And Pansy will understand, especially once she hears the circumstances.”
“I was looking forward to it. I honestly was.”
“I know. But right now I think the best thing is for us to go home and get some rest, yeah? Just… stop worrying about things and relax for a little while? What do you think?”
Harry heaved a heavy sigh. “That sounds good.”
“Shall I Apparate you home? The wards let me directly inside Grimmauld now, right?”
“The renovators are still there,” Harry said. “We won’t get much peace and quiet.”
Draco nodded slowly. “All right. Well, we could go to the manor. The elves would be very happy to dote on us.” Harry hadn’t been to the manor yet, not since all those years ago, during the war. He wasn’t entirely sure how Harry would feel about it. But it was Draco’s home, and he was bound to have to visit sometime.
Harry showed no hesitation when he nodded. “I’d like that.”
“Good. Do you need a few more minutes here?” Harry still looked a bit pale.
“No. I’m fine. Let’s go.”
***
Draco decided to settle Harry in the sitting room of his master suite. It was cozier than any of the parlors downstairs, much more intimate. But he felt that this was what Harry needed right now, and the sofa was wide and plush. Harry didn’t hesitate to lie down, removing his glasses and putting them on the side table. Draco got him a cushion for his head and made sure he was comfortable before joining him on the sofa, lifting Harry’s legs so he could sit with them draped across his lap. He removed Harry’s shoes and tossed them on the floor, making the brunet smile.
“Thank you,” he said.
“My pleasure. I like taking things off of you,” Draco joked, earning him another smile. He removed his shoes as well, letting himself relax. They were silent for a few minutes, Harry closing his eyes and Draco enjoying the weight of Harry’s legs on him.
“Would you like something to eat?” Draco asked into the silence.
Harry shook his head before adjusting his neck against the cushion. “No, I’m fine.”
Draco stared down at him, one hand running lightly over his thigh, hoping to soothe him. “You never ended up having any lunch,” he said gently.
“That’s true.”
“So…” Draco began. But he didn’t know what to say. He realized he was in totally uncharted waters here. He didn’t yet know what Harry needed at a time like this. He didn’t know if he should push him to eat or let it be. He didn’t know if he should say something, try to get Harry to talk about what he was feeling, or if he was better off remaining silent and let Harry speak in his own time.
“Well, you can just let me know if you get hungry,” he settled on, after a pause. “The house elves will make you whatever you want.”
“Thank you,” Harry said. He took Draco’s hand, the one that was resting on Harry’s thigh, and intertwined their fingers. “And thank you for being there today. I don’t think I could have done it on my own.”
“Of course. I wanted to be there with you. I just wish…” He trailed off, not knowing if he should actually say what he was thinking.
“You wish what, Draco?” Harry asked through half-lidded eyes.
“I wish I could do more. I wish I knew what you need now.”
Harry’s hand tightened around his. “This, right here, is everything I need.”
“All right. Good then.” Draco took a deep breath and allowed himself to relax fully. He had been so sure, for a moment, that he was going to bollocks it all up. But he had to remember that this was Harry, and that all he ever had to do was be honest. He never had to walk on eggshells.
“You and Allison seemed to get on,” Harry remarked after they’d spent a little while longer in silence.
Draco smiled. “I like her. She’s good for Dudley. And it’s clear she’s a good friend to you as well.”
“She is,” Harry said. “She was a big part of getting my relationship with Dudley to a better place. He always had good intentions about making things right with me, but he didn’t always express himself very well. And it was hard for me to trust him. When he met Allison, he became different, more… I don’t know, sensitive, I guess. Not that he would appreciate me saying that.” He threw Draco a grin. “But it’s the truth. And once she had insider knowledge of our family and our history and all that, she was sort of a bridge between us. I don’t know this for sure, but I think behind closed doors she helped him get more comfortable with the fact that I was gay. Or at least helped him not use so much derogatory language in front of me.”
“He had a tendency to do that before?”
“Oh yes. Referring to me as a poof, or other things. Or making jokes. Just ignorant shit. Because he was uncomfortable, I think, and he had no idea how to connect to me… I don’t know. It made me not want to be around him very much, for obvious reasons. But after Allison got involved, he was much better. I could actually enjoy his company on occasion.”
“That’s a step in the right direction, at least.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I do think he cares about you,” said Draco. “From what I saw today. He was defending you a lot. To your aunt.”
Harry snorted. “Yes, well, she was in fine form today, wasn’t she?”
“I won’t pretend I particularly enjoyed my interactions with her.”
“So diplomatic, you are,” Harry replied, chuckling. “Much more so than me.”
“I thought you handled her quite well today.”
“Thank you. I was certainly putting in the effort.”
“I could tell.”
“I just tried to remember that at least this was better than her swinging a frying pan at my head.” He said it with a dry laugh, almost like it was a joke. But Draco had a feeling it wasn’t, actually.
He stared at Harry, wondering what to say.
“And I also tried to remember that her husband was dying, and that’s an awful thing to have to go through,” he went on. “Whatever I feel about Vernon as a person, she loved him. She made a life with him. And it’s horrible to imagine losing that, losing that person. All I had to do was think about how painful it would be if something happened to you like that, and it was easy to find compassion.”
Sensing some distress, Draco lifted Harry’s hand to his lips and kissed his palm. “Good thing I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “So you don’t have to think about it anymore.”
“Thank Merlin,” Harry said. “Because I really can’t bear to think about it.”
They were quiet again, Draco resting both of their hands in Harry’s lap and Harry closing his eyes. Draco wondered if the brunet was going to take a nap, and also if he’d be welcome to snuggle up and join him. But then Harry spoke.
“I barely said anything, you know. Even when you’d left me alone with him.” He opened his eyes and looked at Draco.
“To Vernon?”
Harry nodded. “I couldn’t think of anything to say. I had no words of love to give, because there was never any love between us. And it’s not even like I could tell him I forgive him, not when I know he isn’t sorry, when I know he would do it all over again the exact same way if given the chance. So what was I supposed to do, spout hatred and vitriol to a man dying in a hospital bed? There wasn’t any point in that. That wasn’t going to make me feel better.”
Draco nodded slowly, taking in Harry’s words. “No, you’re right. There isn’t much to say, in that situation.”
“I’m not even sure why I went today. I guess because Dudley asked me, and I did believe it would help to have me there for a little while. But I also think I went for myself. I guess I thought maybe when I saw him I could find some way to forgive him. Or at least get closure, something. But I don’t feel any closure. I just feel… sad, and I don’t even know why I feel sad.” He blinked rapidly a moment, his eyes focused on the ceiling. “But I do.” A tear spilled over, and he wiped it from his cheek quickly. “I don’t want to cry for a man who hated me. I don’t want to mourn the man who made my childhood miserable.” He looked at Draco with a determined set to his jaw, and Draco could see all the tears Harry was fighting back. “But I guess I am anyway.”
Draco thought about that while Harry took a few measured breaths. “I think maybe it’s more complicated than that,” he said. “There are all sorts of reasons that your uncle dying could make you sad that have nothing to do with him.”
“You think so?” Harry asked softly.
Draco nodded. “You’ve lost a lot of people in your life. Too many, really. This happens to be someone you were never close to but it can still bring all that grief back, from the war, from before the war. Your parents, your godfather, Dumbledore. Do we ever really get over those kinds of losses completely? I don’t think so. I think we carry them with us, and even though it’s manageable day to day, they can sneak up on us. Especially when another person dies. It can bring up all sorts of feelings we didn’t even know were buried. It’s happened to me before.”
“Yeah?” Harry asked, his voice thick but his tone hopeful.
Draco nodded. “Sure. It happened to me a couple of years ago when one of Astoria’s cousins died. I didn’t even know him. But he was young. His death was an accident, unexpected. And the whole time we were at the funeral all I could think about was Vincent and losing him in that Fiendfyre and…” He shook his head. “I barely kept it together. I remember my father looking at me like I’d lost my mind. But I couldn’t seem to help it. I felt like Vince’s death had just happened, the sense of loss was so strong. It was almost like I was having flashbacks or something.”
“That’s happened to me before, too,” Harry said, sounding a little calmer. “It used to happen a lot more. Even little things would trigger it. But it sort of went away. I guess I figured I was over all of it, but maybe not.”
“I don’t think it ever fully goes away. So I think that could be part of what you’re feeling,” said Draco. “And there’s also the possibility…” He hesitated, wondering if he should even say what he was thinking.
“What possibility?” Harry pressed.
“Well – and I might be completely off-track here – there’s also the fact that Vernon Dursley took your childhood from you, in a sense. He took a good childhood from you, anyway. He was supposed to be a surrogate father, and he wasn’t. He was supposed to love you and make you feel safe, but he didn’t. And now he’s going to die, without ever making any of that right. You’ll never get the childhood you deserved.” Harry stared at him, the thick layer of tears returning to his eyes. “And maybe… maybe you’re mourning that loss too.”
More tears spilled over onto Harry’s cheeks, and Draco knew he’d hit the mark. But he almost regretted it, because the last thing he wanted was to make Harry more upset rather than less.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No,” Harry insisted, his voice rough. “It just hurts because it’s true.” He put his hand over his eyes, mouth twisting, and Draco felt his own eyes prick with remorse.
“Harry,” he said softly. Trusting his instincts, he leaned forward, towards Harry, stretching out until he was lying down next to him fully. Harry immediately turned towards him, and Draco took him in his arms, holding him tight. Harry wept quietly into his neck, one fist clutching the back of Draco’s shirt like a lifeline. Draco said nothing, only held him, his hand making circles on Harry’s broad back the same way he would comfort a child. A few tears of his own slipped from his eyes, but they were easy to ignore.
They remained that way for a long time, long after Harry’s breathing had evened out and his sobs had faded. It was long enough for Draco to drift, remembering how good it felt to be this close to him, how right. They fit so well, body to body, and Draco had to remind himself to not let his mind wander into the realm of the carnal. It was difficult, because Harry felt so solid in his arms and smelled so good.
As agreed, they hadn’t done anything sexual in the past couple of weeks. It was working well for them, for the time being. It encouraged them to be creative, to think of other things to do together, to share new experiences. It encouraged them to talk, and that was welcome too. There were plenty of small touches and plenty of kisses, but those felt sweet, new, almost cautious. They were all simply expressions of affection rather than some intended prelude to sex. And Draco was fine with that. It was what he wanted.
Except now Harry had pulled back and was looking at him, a certain something in his face, a darkness in his gaze, that made Draco’s heart start to pound and his cock start to fill. Which was very inconvenient, considering the circumstances.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked, brushing a thumb over Harry’s cheek.
“Much,” Harry breathed. “That was what I needed, I think. I feel… lighter.”
“Good.” Draco kissed his forehead, trying to keep things chaste. “Shall I sit up again, let you rest?”
“No,” said Harry, a hand tightening against his ribcage, holding him in place. “I like you right here.”
“All right.” He let a hand slide to the dip of Harry’s waist and found, with the shirt and jumper riding up the way it was, there was a little patch of warm, bronze skin for Draco to brush over with his fingers. It was impossible to resist, and his hand drifted, as if of its own accord, up under Harry’s shirt, where he could feel the familiar roughness of a few of the small scars on his back. Harry’s breath hitched.
“Is this all right?” Draco asked softly. He didn’t want to cross a line with Harry accidentally, especially not on such an emotional day.
But Harry simply ran a caressing hand across Draco’s back and murmured, “Yes. It’s more than all right.”
Draco relaxed, letting his fingers trace the scars and simply enjoying the memories they induced. He really did know just about every inch of Harry, and it felt like a gift to touch just this little piece of him now.
“I missed these,” he found himself saying, just as Harry’s hand snuck up under Draco’s shirt as well.
“These?”
“Scars. Your scars.”
Harry snorted lightly. “My scars? Really? Why?”
“Because I know them. And they’re yours.” He felt his face heat, knowing how sappy that sounded. “I just… like them,” he finished, burying his face in Harry’s neck temporarily to manage his embarrassment.
“Who knew you were such a romantic, Draco Malfoy?” Harry said, sounding both loving and amused.
Draco lifted his head enough for Harry to see him roll his eyes, then buried his face in Harry’s neck again. The brunet laughed.
“If you want to know the truth,” Harry said in Draco’s ear. “I knew. I knew all along. Or I at least had my suspicions.”
Draco looked up at him again, wondering what that meant. “And what, pray tell, gave you such suspicions?” he asked.
“The things you said, when we were together the first time,” replied Harry, his eyes traveling over Draco’s face. “I think sometimes you didn’t even realize what you were saying. But there was something about it… You would say something, and it would just… hit me, like a punch except… it was sweetness instead of pain. And it just made me fall more in love with you every time.”
“Like what?” Draco couldn’t remember most of what he’d said to Harry. They’d been together so much, had so many idle conversations, shared so many words in intimate moments, he really had no idea what exactly Harry was referring to.
“Like that night, the first time I ever fingered you, when you wanted me to take off my pants because you wanted to see all of me. And you said you always wanted to see all of me.”
Draco squirmed a little. He remembered that moment clearly, which was almost unfortunate, because it put him in mind of Harry naked, of Harry’s mouth and hands on him. And that wasn’t helping him with the semi-hard erection he was still sporting. “I was just being honest,” he said.
“Exactly,” said Harry. “That was what did it for me. It was so… real. You weren’t trying to seduce me or… It wasn’t part of some game we were playing. You were just… telling me what you felt. And what you felt was that you wanted all of me, all the time. I couldn’t help but feel that you were talking about more than just seeing me naked. It felt like you were talking about everything. And I’ve never felt like that, honestly. Like someone wanted to see all of me rather than just the pieces that they liked, the pieces that were pretty.”
Draco smiled, his fingers dancing over Harry’s back, getting bolder under the fabric. “I told you. I love your scars. The physical ones, and the figurative ones.”
Harry leaned in and kissed the side of Draco’s mouth. Draco closed his eyes, savoring it. “But you understand what I’m saying. You’re a romantic.”
“Yes, perhaps,” said Draco, still sounding a bit skeptical.
“Let’s not forget the time you said that you and I were inevitable.”
Those words struck something in Draco, and he could see that clearly too, suddenly: Grimmauld Place, a bottle of Chianti, Harry’s sheepish expression.
“I wanted you to stop feeling guilty about Francesca, because I was never attracted to her. And because our attraction was so strong that I felt it was always going to bring us together. I didn’t think it would do any good to dwell on guilt when everything unfolded the way it was always going to unfold.”
“So you believed it, when you said we were inevitable?”
Draco watched Harry, the hope in his eyes, the vulnerability there. “Yes. I believed it.”
“Do you, still?”
Draco traced a finger along Harry’s brow and down to his cheek. “Yes. Now more than ever.”
Harry’s eyes drifted to Draco’ mouth, then found their way back to Draco’s gaze. “Me too,” he said, and kissed him.
It was slow and sweet, but with a restrained ardor that Draco found not very chaste at all. He moaned and Harry took advantage, slipping his tongue inside. It was cautious, yet somehow all the more seductive for it, and Draco couldn’t help himself. He let his own tongue meet Harry’s, and he moaned again. It was when Harry pressed even more closely to him, grinding their clothed but quickly hardening cocks together, that he made himself pull away.
“Harry…” he said, intending to make it a warning, though the rather needy tone of his voice ruined it.
“Should we stop?” Harry asked him, though his pupils were blown wide and his hips were still grinding, perhaps unconsciously, against Draco’s. “Do you need to stop?”
“I…” Draco knew where this was going. He’d be a fool not to realize. And yet… “Maybe just… a little more.”
“A little more?” Harry asked him breathlessly, a hand coming to grip Draco’s arse. He squeezed, pressing them together again, so close that the fire that ripped through Draco’s erection was almost painful in its intensity. “Like this?”
“Yes,” Draco moaned, finding Harry’s mouth with his own once again. Gods, but he had missed this part too. He had missed Harry’s body so much, and the things Harry could make him feel. He kissed Harry messily, passionately, and Harry kissed him back, and they were suddenly rutting against each other with abandon.
The friction was intense, and good, and Draco’s head was spinning, and yet it still wasn’t enough. He heard Harry let out a frustrated growl and knew he wasn’t alone.
“More?” the brunet asked, nipping at Draco’s jaw.
“More,” Draco answered, and reached down between them to feel Harry’s erection through his jeans. It was twitching, and so hard, and as he rubbed his hand along it Harry threw his head back and moaned, and Draco knew there was no going back. He was going to make Harry come. “Can I touch you?” he asked.
“Oh, Gods, please, Draco,” Harry said. “Please touch me. I’ve been waiting so long for you.”
And his voice really did sound like he had been waiting, so desperate for him, that Draco thought it possible he would come in his pants merely from the sound of Harry’s voice alone. But he wanted his hands on Harry, and Harry’s hands on him, so he undid the button of Harry’s jeans, and the button of his own, and Harry whispered, “Yes, yes,” encouraging him as he unzipped Harry’s fly. Harry reached to unzip Draco as well, and suddenly they were both free and groaning.
Looking down, he could see both of their hard cocks pressed together, Harry’s just a little darker, but both of them angry and red, leaking copious amounts of precum that intermingled as the tips rubbed against each other. Their hands overlapped naturally as they both gripped around them, moving together, and it was glorious, pure pleasure.
“Harry,” Draco moaned, and he knew neither of them were going to last long.
They snogged messily again, but seemed torn between wanting each other’s mouths and wanting to watch their hands move across their aligned cocks. It was such an incredible sight, with their bollocks pressing together too, already tightening, ready for orgasm.
“Draco,” Harry breathed. “I’m going to…”
“Me too, Harry,” Draco moaned against his mouth. “Gods, me too.” He met Harry’s eyes, dark and beautiful, and he saw Harry’s orgasm in that gaze before he even felt it in his hand, and it was enough to take him over the edge.
They spurted together, coating their hands, and their eyes stayed locked as they came and came, barely able to breathe, it was so good.
When they were finally spent, they kissed lazily for a long time, before Harry eventually snatched up his wand and cleaned them off. They tucked themselves away but didn’t bother doing up their jeans. Both of them were sated and in no particular hurry to do much of anything, it seemed.
After a few more minutes of quiet drifting, with Draco’s face buried in Harry’s neck, Draco pulled away, wanting to get a good look at the brunet’s face.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
Harry smiled at him. “Very much so. Are you?”
“Yes,” said Draco. “Same. Although I hadn’t been expecting that, today.”
Harry nodded, running a hand through Draco’s hair. “I know that wasn’t… part of your plan,” said Harry. “I know you had an idea that we would take things slow.”
Draco chuckled. “Well, I can hardly complain, can I? That was… mind-blowing.”
“Yes,” Harry agreed.
“The tension was bound to break sometime,” Draco pointed out. “And I don’t think taking it slow means not moving forward at all.”
“I’m so attracted to you I can barely think straight most of the time,” Harry said. “And months without you… I couldn’t really help myself.” His smile was sheepish, and Draco kissed him thoroughly.
“It’s all right, Harry. It’s like I said, I’m not exactly complaining. I just didn’t want… you know, to take advantage of you, on this day of all days.”
Harry was quiet, considering that. “That’s not how it felt to me. It felt like getting to finally be close to you again, in a way I’ve been craving for so long. I know I’m a bit emotional, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. It doesn’t change how much I want you.”
“I know that, Harry. I just want to make sure I’m taking care of you.”
“You are,” Harry answered emphatically. “Gods, I honestly don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here. It makes all the difference to me. And I know it’s a lot to ask. It’s only two weeks in, really, and I’ve already put so much on you.”
“Don’t go there,” Draco told him gently. “You don’t even need to go down that road. This is how it works. Sometimes one of us needs more than the other. Merlin knows how much you were there for me this past year, how much you supported me, let me be ridiculous and insecure and confused… I’ve never felt more supported in my life. So let me be that for you, now, when you need it.”
To Draco’s surprise, Harry chuckled. “This isn’t like any relationship I’ve ever seen before. It seems like we’re doing almost everything out of order. Or at least not the order most people do things.”
Draco laughed too. “Well, who ever said we had to be conventional? The way I see it, we don’t have to follow some set plan or model if we don’t want to. We just need to make sure we have everything that we need from each other. That’s enough for me.”
“I… I agree,” Harry said cautiously. “But I also remember what you said, about being honest and letting it build naturally. I want to make sure we’re doing that. You seemed to have a plan in place and I thought it was a good one.”
“Sure. But it building naturally doesn’t always mean we do things exactly according to plan,” Draco said. “Sometimes the natural progression of things doesn’t follow the plan at all.” Harry stared at him, looking a bit confused, and Draco thought a moment about how he wanted to explain. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the past few years: getting my Potions mastery, getting married, trying to start a family… Those were all part of my… ‘life plan,’ for lack of a better term. It was basically a step-by-step progression. And yet half of those things didn’t work out. More than half ended up being not good for me at all. And for a while I thought it meant that I had failed, because things were supposed to go according to plan. But now I have some perspective, and I see that it’s a natural part of life that plans fall through, in one way or another. Things go wrong, whether it’s because of your own mistakes, other people’s choices, or crises you never expected. Friends betray you and loved ones die. But there are good things too, like when the perfect opportunity comes along when you weren’t even asking for it, or when you connect with someone in a way you never expected…” He paused, enjoying Harry’s small smile at that. “You have to react to what’s in front of you. It’s like you said over Christmas. The world isn’t some giant chess board. Life, relationships, aren’t some ongoing game of chess, of moves and countermoves, where you can see the board and what comes next, where you can develop a stratagem you feel confident will work. Most of the time, strict stratagems crumble under all that unpredictability. And I think we’re better off accepting it than fighting against it.”
“Well, you know I of all people would agree with that,” said Harry, his smile turning wry. “What you’re describing has been most of my experience with life, honestly. At the same time, though, I do like the idea of making a plan. Especially with you. I want to feel like we’re moving forward and we at least have a sense of where we’re going. Otherwise, how do we move forward at all?”
Draco considered that, knowing Harry had a point. “Yes, you’re right. You can’t move through life not making any plans at all. Otherwise you’re just… passive, letting things happen to you.” He thought some more. “I suppose what it comes down to is that you have to be aware that not all of your plans will work out, and you should make sure to have someone at your side you can count on when it falls apart.”
He saw Harry’s eyes soften. “So what you’re saying is, we should make plans, but always be prepared to be adaptable, because there is always uncertainty.”
“Yes, that’s part of it,” said Draco. “And that… It…” He hesitated, hoping he wasn’t being too forward, making too many assumptions. “It’s important to have people you can count on. The more the better. But everyone deserves someone, at least. And I suppose what I’m saying is that I’m one of those people, for you. Maybe even… I’d like to be the most important one, if you’ll let me.”
Harry clutched Draco’s hand tightly against his chest a moment. “I want that too. I want to be one of those people for you too. Even the most important one.” He glanced down at their clasped hands. “I think I’ve been worried, because this is so newly official and yet it feels so deep for me already. And I think what I’m realizing is that even though we’ve only just acknowledged all of it, it’s not really new. You’ve been one of the most important people in my life for quite a while now. Not just my lover. Someone I can trust with everything. It scares me a little. I don’t… trust easily. But after these past couple of weeks, after how much you’ve given me, and after how much trust you put in me this past year… I’m ready to trust you too. Completely. I do trust you completely. I’ll even go out and buy my own heart in a box to give you if that will prove it to you.”
Draco laughed, kissing his nose. “Not necessary. Just knowing it, just hearing you say it, is enough.” And it was.
Harry’s stomach growled, and both men laughed, almost startled.
“You are hungry,” said Draco. “I knew it.”
“I didn’t feel it, until just now,” Harry said. “But I suppose it would be good for me to eat something.”
“What would you like?”
“Something simple is fine.”
They both sat up, finally doing up their jeans properly, and Draco called Nixie and asked her to bring them a platter of bacon sandwiches and some butterbeer.
He was happy to see Harry digging into one immediately as they were served.
“How did you know I’d want bacon sandwiches?” he asked Draco, after taking a swig of butterbeer.
“You always make yourself a bacon sandwich when you want something simple,” said Draco.
Harry’s smile was small and a bit shy. “You’ve been paying attention, I suppose.”
“Yes,” said Draco. “To everything.” A hand reached up to play with Harry’s hair. “I know you.” Harry stared at him, the food on his plate forgotten. Draco poked him in the cheek. “Eat your sandwiches.”
And so Harry did.
goddess-of_dragons: Yay! Romantic was what I was going for. And yes, Teddy definitely gets that Draco is going to be a fixture in Harry’s life, and therefore in his. And he’s happy about it. You will get to see Ron and Hermione in the next chapter too!
Lucius can definitely go bugger off! Well put. That’s pretty much all there is to say, isn’t there?
I want to get back to Unstoppable when I finish this, and I’m hoping I’ll be productive. Maybe coming at it with fresh eyes will help me get past some of my blocks with it. I’m certainly going to try!
I’m so happy to be an inspiration for you. You’re a big one for me too :) I’ll finally get to read your most recent chapter once I post this here. Hurray!
justheretosayhi: It’s finally here! Hopefully this was enough fluff for you to keep your enjoyment going, even though there were some sadder elements as well. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! <3
Sevenleaves: Yay! I love hearing from new readers! Seems like you came in at just the right time, so you could get through all the angst but see it was going to be happy in the end. I know it was an emotional experience (it was for me too, writing it) but I honestly love hearing that because it makes me feel like I’m doing my job well, even in the parts where I might be making you sad. Thank you so much for sharing!
I loved your description of my smut as a seduction (like Harry’s), because that is just really flattering! And I also think it’s the way smut should be. I’ve learned a lot from writing this. But I’m also very happy to finally be able to include the romance, because we’ve been waiting long enough for it. I hope the balance is working. Would love to know your thoughts.
I’m going to have a really hard time letting go of this story, I can already tell. A lot of people have requested more, so it’s looking like I’ll be doing some bonus content for this, which means we don’t have to leave behind this world just yet. If there’s something specific you want to see, just let me know! Your idea for Draco confessing that he witnessed part of Harry’s date with Callum is really promising. Maybe I’ll write that scene and dedicate it to you :)
Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I hope you liked this chapter as well <3
Callidus-Anguis: Thanks!! I’m really glad to hear you liked the date, and Teddy. What you pointed out is really important, that Draco can finally see these other sides of Harry and how he could be a good dad someday. They will talk about this more explicitly later, but it’s helpful for Draco to see now.
Your review made me realize I did pretty much gloss over the Patronus thing. When I think about it, I honestly can’t decide if Draco knows how to produce a Patronus or not. The idea of Harry teaching him is an interesting one, though. I’ll definitely ruminate on it.
Draco isn’t going to let anything Lucius says get in the way of being with Harry. And, like you said, the response was what he expected. But as you can see he is also working on getting a response from Narcissa, if he can.
I hope the little interaction with Snape this chapter was to your liking. I know it wasn’t much, but I did have a fun time writing his reaction. We’re going to get to see Harry and Draco both interacting with some important people from each other’s lives, namely Pansy, Ron, and Hermione, in the coming chapter. So stay tuned! :)
Shaymarsh640: I’ve got a serious case of the warm fuzzies from your review and what you said about writers. I guess it just feels really good to know that this thing that I’ve been doing since I was a kid and has defined so much of who I am is actually having an impact for other people. I’ve strived to be a storyteller my whole life and now it’s as essential to me as breathing (though not nearly as easy, haha). And to be compared to JKR in any way is like… breathtaking. I can’t even.
I also really appreciated what you said about savoring the storytelling, which includes Harry and Draco’s deepening connection. I agree that the best stories aren’t rushed; they really let us readers live inside them. It’s hard not to want to skip to the “juicy” bits, and I try really hard to make even the smaller moments feel juicy too. I hope I continue to pace it well for you in these final chapters.
Your detailed and thoughtful reviews have really been a breath of life for me as I work to finish this story. And your incredibly kind words this time around are motivating me to write more and think about the other stories I want to tell. I really can’t thank you enough! <3
Jan: Here it is!
Teddy-Potter95: Thanks! I know a lot about RL being busy, so don’t fret about that. It just makes me happy to know that you’re still reading along and enjoying it. I’m sad to see this one come to an end too, but it definitely won’t be the end of my writing. In fact, chances are I’ll be adding some bonus content to this story too!
Thanks for all of your support! <3
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A Secondary Education