• 1-DogBites
• 2-Chapter 2
• 3-Chapter 3
• 4-Epilogue

“So, I guess I’m just scared.” Sirius sat at the top of James’s bed, on top of a pillow and clutched another one close to his chest. It was like James had split his veins open and now that he started talking he couldn’t stop. He had never felt so weak, never so vulnerable, as he did right now spilling all of his bottled-up emotions to James. He felt the urge to cry, but he refused himself. He was a Marauder and he would not cry ... especially in front of James.

God, what did James think of him now? How weak did James perceive Sirius to be, now that he witnessed how cowardice he was. Godrick Gryffindor would kick him out of Hogwarts if he saw him now.

“Sirius Black, scared?” Once again, James clutched his chest in mock disbelief, then proceeded to pull his socks off his feet and throw them into the corner near his laundry hamper. They landed two feet shy.

“Prongs, don’t make fun of me.” Looking hurt, Sirius turned away from his friend who sat at the bottom of the bed. Sirius felt, at that moment, that no one could ever relate to his loneliness.

“I’m sorry ... I didn’t mean--”

“Exactly. You have the perfect life with the perfect family and the perfect home. I have nothing. I’m alone.” He brought the fluffy, comforting pillow closer to him, resting his chin in its softness.

James quickly crawled towards Sirius, so they were only half a foot apart, and Sirius turned to face him again. James could see the hurt, the pain, in his friend’s dark eyes and wished for nothing more than to relieve him of his inner turmoil.

“You’re not alone.”

Had Sirius not been feeling to empty to move he might have kissed James right then, for those hazel eyes that made him love James were heavily gazing at him with such sincerity it gave him goose bumps. And again, for the fourth time since James walked into the room, he was reminded of making the picture kiss and filled with shame once more.

“Yes I am.” It came out meek, despite himself. He was determined to show James he wasn’t as vulnerable as he perceived him to be. For James had to have perceived him vulnerable. How could he not?

“No, you’re not. I’m here, always. And ... and you’ve got Remus and Peter. You’re a Marauder. You’re never alone.”

“But I feel alone. I feel completely alone.”

James sat still in front of Sirius, not knowing how to respond (or even if he should). He had never been in this position before, as the Marauders were his only friends and he rarely saw Remus and Peter over summer. James just didn’t know how to comfort Sirius, as comforting wasn’t his forte to begin with. He felt, if Sirius had been a girl, that maybe he needed a hug to be comforted, but he dared not hug Sirius.

“Sirius ... ” He trailed off, looking into Sirius’s bleak eyes, at loss for words.

“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to know what to say to that.”

Suddenly, James realized that Sirius needed to know that he was there for him. James would always be there for him, and he’d never let anything stop him.

“You’ve got me, though. Just don’t forget that.” Reaching out, and placing a gentle hand on Sirius’s knee, James gave a soft grin.

“I know. I could never forget you.”

“Good.” James nodded, and seemed to think that was it. It must have been because Sirius spoke no more. Silence fell as awkwardness set in.

“So ... ”

“Well, shall we get to bed?” Not keen on emptying himself fully of emotion that night, or any night really, Sirius brought the pillow from his chest and placed it next to him. “Sure.” James nodded again and Sirius slowly made his way off the bed.

There were a few more minutes of silence as the boys slowly undressed; James threw all of his clothes towards the laundry hamper but only his shirt managed to make it halfway in. Sirius lazily folded his clothes and placed them on top of his trunk, both boys now only clad in boxers. James, placing his glasses on his nightstand, walked over to the light switch and flicked it lazily. All light, except for silver rays that danced into the room courtesy of the moon, vanished from the room.

James had crawled under the covers of his warm, comforting bed all the while watching Sirius intently. It suddenly struck him that Sirius needn’t sleep on the hard floor. Some part of him was demanding that he offer his bed to Sirius, and he take the floor.

“Sirius?” James seemed to croak the name; his voice was strange. He watched Sirius turn from the closet and face him.

“Yes?” Sirius’s hand was on the door handle now, wanting to extract blankets from the innards of the closet to make a bed for himself.

“W-why ... why don’t you sleep in my bed tonight? You’ve had a rough night and the floor’s not comfortable. There’s tons of room for the both of us.” He hadn’t meant to add the last bit, and when he did he froze with shock. What was Sirius going to think of him now? Taking in the silence his suggestion created, James knew he crossed the line—a line he didn’t know existed until that moment.

“Are you sure?” Sirius stepped away from the closet door, looking uneasily at James. How could James want to offer his bed to him, especially after that horrid display of emptying his emotions.

“Yeah.” James bit his lower lip and looked everywhere around the room, except in Sirius's direction. He was too afraid that Sirius would reject him, and he didn't know why.

“Okay.” Sirius seemed hesitant, his voice slightly distant, and he stood still almost unsure of himself and James. He looked towards the bed, wanting nothing more than to sleep next to a warm body but knowing it was dangerous for James to be that warm body. He was well aware of his feelings for his best friend, but despite them he spoke: “Alright.” He slowly made his way to the bed, taking baby steps, and he wasn't sure if James heard him because he was looking away.

Sirius had accepted his offer? He had never slept in the same bed as another boy before, and to be sleeping next to Sirius was almost intimidating. Yes, they were very close, almost to the point of being brothers, but they had never slept in the same bed. James shuffled over to give Sirius room, while never taking his eyes off his interesting ceiling.

He pulled the sheets up and slid between them laying flat on his back, not daring to move in fear of brushing against the skin he wanted to consume.

“N-night, James.”

“Night.”

Seconds of awkward silence turned into drawn out minutes and those minutes seemed like hours to the boys who dared not move an inch. They both knew that if it continued neither boy would get any sleep, as they would just lay awake lost in their own thoughts.

James didn't understand why he felt so uncomfortable, or unable to speak to Sirius. He didn't understand why he asked Sirius to share his bed but he knew, somewhere in the pit of his stomach, an odd feeling was arising. It was the same odd feeling he got every time Lily Evans walked by, and he didn't understand how, or why, Sirius could make him feel that way.

Even his breath was quiet, and drawn out. He didn’t want to make a sound, knowing James was only a few inches away from him. James was only a few inches away! This was torment, torment he would savour. The silent awkwardness was comforting in an odd way. Even though he couldn’t touch James, he was next to him – very near to him. Even though he knew sleep would not come to his tense body tonight, it soothed him to know that James invited this. James offered his bed, and that gave Sirius a very small ray of hope.

James stared at the ceiling, not daring to shift his eyes towards Sirius. He felt he would crack if Sirius’s dark eyes made contact with his. What was going on tonight?! Sirius, the only one he was most comfortable around, was unnerving him. He was too tense to sleep, to tense to breath. It was getting ridiculous. Why couldn’t he just relax? Why was he ... what the hell was that?

Yes, it was dark, but his eyes had adjusted or so he thought. He really couldn’t be seeing what he thought he was. His picture of him and Sirius, which sat on his desk, really couldn’t be doing what he thought it was. There was no way that the Sirius in the picture had James wrapped in his arms, kissing him gently. There was no way that the James in the picture was holding Sirius just as tightly pressed to his body as Sirius was holding him. There was no way he was enjoying watching this.

James closed his eyes, the image of the picture etched onto his eyelids. What was happening to him? Did he actually have feeling for Sirius Black, his best friend? He couldn’t, though. After all, Sirius was a guy, and James knew he had a huge crush on Lily Evans. He was so confused. Should he talk to Sirius about it, and possibly risk their perfect friendship that he cherished so much?

Sirius Black was never afraid, never stepped down from a challenge, but now he couldn’t be honest with his best friend about his feelings? Would his honesty ruin their friendship? It might, and he knew he didn’t want to live if James wasn’t his best friend. What would he do without James? He’d be alone and that was the one thing that he knew could break him. Although, there was a small glimmer of hope, a tiny voice that spoke to him and encouraged him to talk with James. Maybe James felt the samnd tnd that’s all Sirius would ever need. If James loved him like he loved James nothing could ever hurt him, every bother him, again. Life would be perfect. James would be his everything and he could be happy.

Heads turned towards each other and their eyes met as both boys attempted to speak. Sirius’s courage was wavering and no words came when his lips parted. Maybe whatever James had to say was more important, could buy him time until he had to speak. He still didn’t know exactly what he was going to say, and he wanted to word it right so the chances of crushing his friendship were decreased.

Looking into James’s beautiful eyes he knew he had to say it now, whatever it was, or he might not say it at all.

“I ... I ... I—Ja…” Sirius’s voice cracked lightly and it was too meek for his taste. He fiddled with the edge of the blanket, growing more nervous with every nanosecond. “Night, James.”

TBC