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MST of Not Quite Good Enough To Be Going On With	By : Roman Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3124 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Prologue
- 2-Chapter 1
- 1
- 2
Dungeon door creeks open and we get a glimpse of Professor Dumbledore, looking RATHER impatient, gesturing for two people to get in the room. After a brief exchange of words, they do, and the door closes. Someone locks it.

Severus: !$#&%@#)&(!!!

Sirius: Bit of a potty mouth, are we, Severus? Is that at you learned in order to become a potions master?

Severus: *glares at him and resumes his prior activity* Albus, you s***bag, you sneaky, twisted, dirty little son of a ...*pauses to breath* Take me out of here AT ONCE! I have classes to teach, homework to correct, housepoints to take, quidditch matches to referee, Potter to chase, Longbottom’s neck to ring out, and MY ARSE TO RISK FOR YOU! I certainly do NOT have time to chat with doggy boy and his fleas here...

Sirius: I resent that! And you’re a fine one to talk, you unwashed little f***! Watch out for the grease, it may invade your brain cells. Or what’s left of them, anyway!

Severus: *didn’t even acknowledge Sirius speaking* ...and in the very remote possibility I consent to stay and talk to him, what exactly makes you think HE will be that civilised? I’ve had a hard day, Albus! On YOUR account, by the way. Reasoning with a murderous freak is NOT my favourite way of ending it, especially when said murderous freak tried to kill ME, and is, as we speak, cheerfully resigned to the idea of being locked with ME in God knows which room, to do God knows what, for God knows how long. Albus are you listening to me? Take-me-out. NOW!

Sirius: Geez, one would think you’re afraid I rape you...or should I say hopeful?!

Severus: *deep, calming breath* *usual silky cold voice* Black, old friend, pray forgive me if I don’t

trust you. You know, it tends to happen whenever someone spends seven years making it clear he doesn’t like you and finishes it off jesting a werewolf upon you. But you’re probably right, what’s that compared to the years you spent in Azkaban...for murder...

Sirius:*grinding teeth*: I...am...inocent...Peter did it...

Severus: ...and you’ve devoted whatever’s left of your sorry existence to killing him, is that it? Oh, I’m sooo much more relaxed now...ALBUS! *starts kicking the door*

Sirius: Afraid?

Severus: Of you? HA! Now, Black, I have a little something in my chambers that’ll make you throw up the life out of you before you can spell your own name. Then again, do you know how to spell?

Sirius: How dare you, you ***** **** **** **** piece of ****...

Prof. Dumbledore: *through the door* All right, I got your drift...and so did the whole castle. Don’t worry, I won’t keep you here for long. I mean, it depends only on you. I want you to read and comment a little story... fan fiction... someone wrote involving you two. Not so difficult, is it?

Severus: We’re MSTing a story...again? (Sirius: What’s an MST?) How the hell is that supposed to help us fight Lord Voldemort?

Prof. Dumbledore: It’s quite simple, actually. I don’t want that incident earlier today to repeat itself. If you can’t even sit down, read a story, comment on it and talk like the two gentlemen you are (Severus and Sirius: *look at each other* *snort*), and go on with the intolerably childish behavior you always have around each other, how can you expect me to trust our lives to you when the battle comes? How will I know that you won’t break into some childish fight?

Severus: *glares*

Sirius: *stares*

Prof.Dumbledore: Now then, the original story, ’Not quite good enough to be going on with’, by Avocado, is quite creative and very well written, so don’t you ’Hermione Granger’ your comments. The plot is believable, and wholly, it’s quite enjoyable, if you ask me. Set to work, boys. The fic is on the table, you have coffee and cookies and the sooner you start, the sooner it ends.

Severus: *grudgingly agrees and moves towards the parchemin on the table*

Sirius: *goes fetch them some coffee*

Prof.Dumbledore: *with a muffled, amused voice* By the way, it’s a NC-17. Just thought you ought to know. Nighty night!

Severus: *starts to hyperventilate*

Sirius: *blank look* What is a NS?

Severus: It’s sex, Black. It’s a story with graphic depictions of sex in it.

Sirius: Oh, yeah? How is that bad?

Severus: Do you need a drawing, Black? It’s sex! Sex, porn, smut! Featuring-US! Albus! Get me the fuck out of here before I make YOU read that fic in which you rape Potter Junior! Albus! *kicks door*

Sirius: *too stunned to speak*

Severus: *goes back to reading, while cursing Black, Potter, all the ancient gods and Dumbledore’s parents*

>>Not Quite Good Enough to Be Going on With

Sirius: Wait! Dumbledore raped Harry?! *sexy glare from Snape* Do I want to know?

***

>>"I said before that it was good enough to be going on with. It isn't anymore. You two couldn't get along before. Try again."

Severus: The kindness! The understanding!

Sirius: Sure! We’re here, supporting you. You’ll make it...up...eventually...We trust you! We’re with you! Trust yourselves!

Severus: Black, let’s get one thing straight from the beginning: it’s bad enough that we’re locked in here, obliged to read some silly story made up by some sillier le. le. It would help if you stayed quiet!

Sirius: Advice acknowledged, not followed! Thanks anyway!

***

>>That pronouncement by Dumbledore had led to Severus

Severus: Oh, sweet Merlin...

Sirius: Hey! It’s ‘bout you! *grin*

Severus: Not necessarily. It could go like had led to Severus’ killing himself before Dumbledore could have the great idea of locking him and Sirius Black in an empty room — like that would ever dissolve the issues they’d had for ages!!!!! That’d be a good start!

Sirius: That would be a page long! What I’ve got here is a ten pages novel I’d say!

Severus: For all I care, the rest of ‘em could detail my burial.

>>being trapped in a locked room with Sirius Black.

Severus: No shit! How very original, Avocado! Congratulations!

>>Most of the furniture had been removed — presumably to discourage using it as a weapon.

Sirius: I wonder if they used the fic as inspiration...

>>A bottle of Severus' truth potion sat on the single remaining table in the middle of the room — it wasn't Veritaserum, but it was strong enough to ensure that anyone who spoke wouldn't be lying. Snape wasn't particularly happy with the development, and could guess that Black wasn't either.

Sirius: Why, of course not! We wanted to shag!

Severus: *stares in disbelief*

Sirius: In the fic, Severus! *in a lower voice* Well, now that we’re here, we might as well make the most of it! Don’t you ever relax, man?

Severus: *slowly edges away from Sirius* Certainly not around you!

>>They stood in opposite corners,

Sirius: Boxing ring image, check!

>>Black glaring and Snape feeling his lips pull up into his usual sneer. Unfortunately, given Snape's knowledge of how Dumbledore worked, it was all too clear that they wouldn't be getting out of the room anytime soon,

Severus: No, really!?

Sirius: We never would have thought!

>>and, when they did, that the bottle of truth potion had best be empty.

Sirius: Only the bottle? Something else had better be full... *Severus clasps his hand over Sirius’ mouth*

>>With that knowledge in mind, and an all-too-clear recollection of what Sirius Black was like when angry,

Severus: The living image of a pathetic arsehole?

Sirius: I resent that! Been told I am adorable when I’m angry.

Severus: That would be a laugh!

>>Severus walked to the middle of the room and swigged off half of the bottle of truth potion. He put the bottle down with a thump, then dropped his wand on the table for good measure. In response to Black's wide-eyed stare, Severus shrugged and snapped, "Have a ball, Black.

Sirius: A ball?! I was aiming for two of them. One will have to do, then.

Severus: What are you talking about?

Sirius: You don’t want to know.

Severus: *gazing at Sirius* You’re right. I don’t.

>>I'm sure you have only a few thousand questions you want answered.

Sirius: Oh, that won’t take long at all!

>>Better hurry up before it wears off."

Sirius: Fuck! Fuck!

>>He stalked back into his corner. Most of the time, Snape didn't think that Dumbledore was stupid or foolish.

Severus: There’s always a first time. Guess what? This is it.

Sirius: No offence, Severus, but that line of yours is growing thin...

>>Albus Dumbledore just tended to be overly optimistic.

Sirius: That is true. What would you expect from a man who gives a Death Eater a second chance?

Severus: That’s funny, coming from the man whom Dumbledore gave a second chance to after his trying to kill a schoolmate...

Sirius: Won’t you ever get over it?

Severus: Consider yourself lucky I haven’t put you six feet under me. Yet.

Sirius: Oh, I’m so scared. And in case you haven’t noticed, fic me is about to do that...under...thing, to you. get get ready for it instead of making meaningless threats...

Severus: Meaningless?! I want to bury you in Azkaban, how meaningless is that? Just because you didn’t even succeed in murdering me, it doesn’t mean I won’t.

Sirius: Oh, so you admit you’re a murderer?

Severus:No, I just want to kill YOU! And look...

Sirius: No, you look...

*the two start bickering*

Prof. Dumbledore’s voice thundering in the walls: ‘AHAM!’

*the two cower imediately*

Severus: *mumbles* How can he still make me feel like a schoolboy?

Sirius: That’s where your brain stopped evolving.

Severus: *laughs histerically* Did you just mention brains, Black? You,,. of all people?! *rolls on the floor*

Sirius: *ignores it , picks up the papers and starts reading. Noticing that a laughing, eaglespread Severus doesn’t look so bad...at all*

>>With another glare, Sirius Black stalked to the center of the room and finished off the bottle of truth potion. "Let's get this over with," he snarled. "I have far more important things to do."

Severus: Yeah, shag, already!

Sirius: *stare*

Severus: Well, you told me to relax...

Sirius: I never thought you would obey!

Severus: Oh, you would be surprised...

Sirius: *looks at Severus in a whole different light. And sweats*

>>From Snape's point of view the best to expected from this entire experience was that it would be over when the effects of the truth potion wore off.

Sirius: *wiping off the sweat* Hiding skeletons in your closet, are you?

Severus: Curious about my private chambers, are you?

Sirius: *indignant pout*

>>Black was so certain he had more important things to do? "Didn't you always," Snape fired back.

Sirius: I don’t care about what you say, Severus, you sure sound frustrated!

Severus: Fic me Black. Get your head out of the gutter.

Sirius: Which head? And to stick it where?!

Severus: Can you get any lower?

Sirius: Would you let me?

>>"Sirius Black — busy featuring in the lustful dreams of most of the female population of Hogwarts, and half of the male population. And how the mighty have fallen, haven't they?"

Severus: Whoo, I sense friction...

Sirius: I sense the shag of the year... And a little friction in the right place never harmed anyone.

>>Sirius just shrugged. "You don't have much time either, Snape. I'm sure you have questions of your own. We'll alternate. And I'll even be generous — you can go first."

Severus: Not the wisest choice of words...

>>"Fine." Time was limited. Best to get the questions he most wanted answered out of the way first. Which should he get out of the way first? He thought back over the past few years. No point wasting a question on that... Ah, yes. Of all the questions to spring to mind, there was one question he wanted answered most.

Sirius: Do you love me? Kiss me!

Severus: In your dreams...*slightly unconfortable*

Sirius: What? Touched a nerv?

>>Besides, asking it would be guaranteed to inflict the maximum amount of pain on Sirius Black.

Severus: Fic me: not a total waste.

>>After all that Severus had put up with over the years from Sirius, he felt he deserved to get a bit of his own back.

Sirius: Didn’t know you had so many’ hard’ feelings about me.

Severus: Becoming harder every time you speak!

Sirius: that would be wrong, right?

>>"With the information I got you, you should have been able to rescue that miserable friend of yours. Instead, you screwed it up, and left me stuck trying to protect that obnoxious son of his.

Sirius: NOW I sense friction! And that’s my godson you’re talking about!

Severus: Your point being...?

>>Sirius goddamn Black. How the hell did you manage to screw it up?"

Sirius: There was no-one else to screw?

Severus: That’s just what you usually do?

>>"You got the information?"

Snape inclined his head. Yes, I'm sure that comes as a shock, doesn't it? "Spy, remember? Truth potion. Now answer the question." Sirius looked down, seemingly engrossed in his clenched hands. The silence between them drew out. Was Sirius backing out already? No — Sirius spoke in halting tones, almost seeming to force his tongue and lips

Severus: Mmmmmmmm...

Sirius: Does the mental image turn you on?

Severus: You know, you kind of have a rather attractive mouth...

Sirius: *blink blink* Really?

Severus: Whenever it’s shut.

>>to move. "I — I was too close to them. I didn't trust myself.

Severus: Now we’re talking. You have a lot to learn from fic you, you know?

>>Peter, though, who would suspect that James would trust him with a secret? He was so weak and forgettable."

Severus: Did you always think that highly of your closest friends? Do I want to know what you thought of me?

Sirius: *vicious smile*

>>Severus almost felt guilty

Severus: That wouldn’t be possible!

>>at provoking the pain in Sirius' voice — almost. "But Peter was working for Voldemort and now they're dead. Don't you think I know it's my fault? If only Peter had been dead, I could have been content to pay the price of suffering in Azkaban for it."

Severus: By all means, why didn’t you say so before? Let me help you... PETTYGREW!

>>Sirius Black — esteemed martyr to the cause. Severus let his usual sarcasm color his tone. "Oh, I'm sure."

Sirius' head snapped up, eyes locking on Severus'. From the fury and pain in them, Severus knew Sirius would try to wound as deeply

Sirius: Deeply being the operative word, here

>>as he'd just been wounded. Severus fought down an ironic smile. Sirius probably wouldn't be successful — he doesn't know where to hit.

Severus: How about the arse? Come on, Black, it’s not that difficult...

Sirius: Is that a proposition?

Severus: *speechless*

>>"Whereas you, Severus Snape, managed to pull yourself out at the last minute and escape Azkaban entirely. And now Dumbledore seems to trust you with his life — with Harry's life — with all of our lives. Just how did you manage that, Death Eater?"

Or maybe he does know where to hit.

Severus: Oh, the coherence!

Sirius: Did you ever doubt it?

>>Severus slammed a fist against the stonewall, and was surprised to see Sirius jump. He laughed sharply; what else should he have expected from the perfect Sirius Black? Always so forthright, and so very blind. "Yes, at the last minute. I've always known what you and your stupid friends thought of me, Sirius.

Sirius: Wow, first name basis...this is getting better...

>>'Severus Snape, obsessed with evil potions and Dark Arts. Most likely servant of Voldemort in the history of the world. Evil slimy bastard all around.'"

Severus: Among other things, yes.

>>He lifted his lip in another sneer. "Got it in one, didn't I?"

Severus: Pretty much, yeah.

>>He didn't wait for Sirius' agreement. "You're just so sure I 'got out at the last minute.' Wouldn't you be fascinated to know that immediately after my painful initiation ceremony, I went straight to Dumbledore? Of course, when you're recruited, you either join or die,

Sirius: *soft purr* Wait, does this mean that, given you’re not dead, you must be with Lord Voldemort?

Severus: Don’t try to think, Sirius, you’re not used to it and it doesn’t suit you.

Sirius: *angrily* Don’t you—

Severus: It may cause irreversible brain damage...

Sirius: Wha—?

Severus: Oh, forget it, you don’t have one.

>>so I managed to tamp down my disgust for the whole lot of them long enough to get the damned Dark Mark burned into my arm and was saddled for the rest of my life with the nasty reputation of a Death Eater."

Severus: Says who? Potter? Everyone I care about knows perfectly well what I am! Why do these people keep portraying me like a poor unhappy little man, in serious need of being saved? I don’t need any help, I’m fine, thanks!

Sirius: They never admit it...

>>Sirius was silent a few moments.

Severus: Something tells me this beautiful moment will soon come to an end.

>>His voice was low and even when it came. "I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't know."

Severus: ‘Cause I CAN KEEP A SECRET!!

>>"No. I'm sure you never cared to."

"You're right. Your turn to ask."

The last pair of questions had bitten a little too deeply. His next question wouldn't be kind, but it wouldn't invite quite as much retaliation. "Why did you try to kill me?"

Sirius: Fic you isn‘t very smart, is he, Severus? For the rest of the world it‘s pretty obvious. *notices Severus‘ hurt look* Besides, I only hurt the ones I love. *irresistible puppy dog eyes*

>>"What?"

Severus: For a stupid question, a stupid answer.

>>This was the question he'd wanted answered since the night it had happened. "Easy enough question, Black. You knowingly sent me in after your werewolf friend, fully aware that he could kill me. Why?"

"I was a kid, Severus.

Severus: And that‘s what kids do, right? You‘re gonna have to do better than that, both fic AND real Sirius.

Sirius: Agreed. There are plenty of good reasons to kill— that‘s not one of ‘em.

>>I didn't think about it. You were always watching us, always nosing into our activities. I didn't want to kill you — I wanted to scare you. And I wanted you to — stay away. When I told James what I'd done, he was horrified and went after you. I was stupid.

Severus: No shit!

>>I'm sorry."

Severus snorted in disgust.

Severus: Yeah, yeah. You‘re forgiven darling, come fuck me!

Sirius: WHAT?

Severus: *blush blush* erm...In fanfic! I want this to end quickly, Black! What the hell are you thinking?

Sirius: Riiiiight...

>>"Amazing how many allowances are made for you 'good guys,' isn't it? You decide I'm irritating and put me in a position where I could get killed. Potter sneaks down through those secret passageways to places where he isn't safe, and plays pranks and breaks laws under the cover of that invisibility cloak. And everyone thinks I'm a servant of the Dark Lord because I have a sharp tongue and an ominous name."

Severus: In all seriousness...

Sirius: that would be me...

Severus: *glare*... As I was saying, in all seriousness, this IS true. You’ve got to admit it.

Sirius: *rereads passage* *embarrassed* Well, yes...

Severus: He finally admited something! I like this author!

Sirius: *ashamed* *little voice* I’m sorry...

>>"I said I was sorry, Severus."

Severus: Fat lot of good that does...

Sirius: *straightens* Well, if you’re too proud for this...Don’t come saying I didn’t apologise.

>>Yes, and the problem with you, Remus Lupin, and James Potter was that all three of you always thought that "I'm sorry" would fix everything. You still do. "So you did. And your question?"

"Since you brought up our time at school, Severus — why did you always follow us around?"

Sirius: Because you probably had a more boresome life than the author of the fic?

Severus: Because I always loved you!

Sirius: ... Severus...

Severus: I’m talking about the fic, arsehole! Come on, even you must see that it’s going to be something like that! You don’t really expect them to say that I followed you around trying to get you expelled, do you?

Sirius: Why not? It’s the truth! ... Isn’t it?

Severus: *silence*

Sirius: Severus? Is there anything I should know?

Severus: You really are a virgin, aren’t you?

Sirius: *indignant* Hey! Who the fuck do you think...

Severus: *clasps hand on Sirius’ mouth* Concerning fanfics, moron! What I mean is, it really doesn’t pass through that thick skull of yours that whenever they can, fanfic writers give their characters the most sentimental reasons they can think of, does it? It sells, dickhead!!

Sirius: You don’t have the right to insult me like that, you greasy, anti-social, biased bastard!

Severus: Look who’s talking! Tell me, how many baths did you have back in Azkaban? Or did the Dementors get turned on by your smell?

Sirius and Severus: *blah, blah, blah, blah...*

*Salazar Slytherin’s huge portrait falls down from the wall, landing with a tremendous noise and seemingly glaring at them through the icy painted eyes*

Sirius and Severus: *shut the fuck up*

Sirius: ...The painting...

Severus: ...Dumbledore...

Both: *resigned sigh* The fic.

>>Proof again that Sirius Black was willfully blind. He should have known the answer to that question already.

Sirius: I should?

Severus: He should?

>>Severus spat out a response. "Did it ever occur to you I might have wanted to be part of your little group?"

Sirius: You were right. Couldn’t be more unrealistic...

Severus: *silent*

Sirius: *notices* Or could it? Severus, are you OK? You look a little...hurt...?

Severus: *snaps out of the reverie* Why would I be hurt, Black? I’m just stunned that after so many fics they still can’t think up a better excuse for my following you around. *pales*

Sirius: I see...I want to have a very serious conversation with you, as soon as we leave this batcave.

Severus: You must think I don’t have better things to...

Sirius: No excuses.

Severus: Who’s trying?

>>"No. You were in Slytherin.

Sirius: Very true.

Severus: You make it sound like it’s a disease...

Sirius: It isn’t?

Severus: *glares*

Sirius: *grins* Back in shape, are we? I knew I could make it!

>>It was — we didn't make friends outside our houses, and certainly not in that one. You had Crabbe, and Goyle, and Lucius Malfoy. Of course we never thought —"

Severus: That sentence never sounded so true.

>>Snape felt his sneer re-emerging. He echoed Sirius in a mocking tone. "'Crabbe, and Goyle, and Lucius Malfoy — yes. What an excellent bunch of friends. Let's not forget Karkaroff or Avery, either. Yes. Slytherin — the house of future Death Eaters."

"You could have told us."

Severus: Yeah, you sure look like someone who’d believe it. I can picture it already: ’Sevvie ’ *shudder* love, of course you can be part of our group! Saturday night we’re having an orgy in Gryffindor tower. Can we count on you for it? You can bring Voldie if you want, too. He’s soo cool!

Sirius: You got it all wrong. The orgies were on Friday nights, not Saturdays. Fridays!

>>Ah, yes. The classic Gryffindor mentality: overly impressed with his own sense of justice. Time to inject a little reality. "And you would have listened? Look. I'm sorry I was ambitious, Black. I'm sorry I was good at the Dark Arts.

Sirius: You’re not really sorry, are you, Severus? You don’t look like...

Severus: *sigh* Sirius...Me, Severus. He, fic Severus. There’s a slight difference.

Sirius: Oh, come on! You MUST have a heart...somewhere. It needs to pump the *snort* blood *snort* through you body!

>>But there it was, wasn't it? It put me in Slytherin, and I've spent the rest of my life making up for it."

Sirius: How melodramatic...

Severus: I hate to agree, but you’re right.

Sirius: I am?

Severus: Who says I’m making up for it? I’m a proud Slytherin, thank you very much.

Sirius: Yeah, and not all Slytherins are bad... Some are nice...

Severus: *blink blink*

Sirius: Or so the teachers used to tell us; not that they managed to convince us... or find a specimem to prove it right...

Severus: How funny! By the way, about the heart pumping my blood, I can assure you that I can pump some other items through a whole lot of things that you wouldn’t even start to imagine.

Sirius: When do I...

>>"You were very convincing."

Sirius: ... get a demonstration? You see, Severus, up to now, you talk, talk, talk, but when it comes to the real thing...

Severus: You’re not worth my going to Azkaban for rape of a mentally disabled one.

Sirius: Who’s that? I’m talking about me! And who says I’d be the bitch?

Severus: *laughs hysterically* The whole of the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff houses, Lupin, 2/3 of the Ravenclaws, half a dozen Slytherins, our old Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Potters Sr. And Jr., Ludo Bagman...

Sirius: I never did anything with Ludo Bagman!

Severus: *blackmail glint in his eye* Does that mean I am right about the others? Spare me the details, will you?

Sirius: I never even...

Severus: Whatever. Moving on.

Sirius: Well, if you’ll be so kind as to add yourself to that list, it might become a bit more atractive... *puppy dog face*

Severus: *sweat sweat* No thanks... Before I am provided with proper knowledge of where a thing has been, said thing is not allowed entrance. I respect my body.

Sirius: *giggle* And I’m the bitch, huh?

Severus: I didn’t mean it that way!

Sirius: *giggle giggle*

>>It was delivered with the forthrightness that Severus remembered from their time at school together. How quickly Sirius had dismissed any hint of his own culpability.

Severus: Typical ’stuck up their nose’ Gryffindor behavior. And that is surprising?

Sirius: Actually, when we stick something somewhere, it’s not usually in the nose...

Severus: You’d know, wouldn’t you, Black?

Sirius: Want me to prove it?

>>"Isn't that nice to know. I must have been, mustn't I, or I would have been dead in my first few days of spying. Now, my question, I think." Snape curved his lips up into an approximation of a smile. This question, he had no right at all to ask, and didn't expect Black to answer, but as the other man had said, Severus had always been nosy.

Sirius: Not only that, I hope...

Severus: Just WHAT was that in your coffee?

Sirius: *slowly edging closer to Severus* Why, don’t you know coffee is a very powerfull aphrodisiac?

Severus: *slowly edging away from Sirius* Never heard of that.

Sirius: *three feet away*It works...for some of us...

Severus: *sweatdrop* I... really...feel... like... trying...

Sirius: Yeeessss.....?

Severus: ...some popcorn. How would you like that? IF we have to go through a NC-17 featuring us, we might as well make the best of it, right?

Sirius: * two feet away* Oh, I couldn’t agree more...popcorn is sooo not the best of it...

Severus: *very loud voice* Right! I’ll go get some, then. Anything you want to go with them? Just so that you don’t say that Slytherins can’t act like gentlemen, of course...

Sirius: *pppppuuuurrrrrrr* Of course...* one foot away from Severus* How about some...

Severus: ANYTHING but coffee.

Sirius: *pouts* *stares with puppy dog eyes*

Severus: Oh, dont be childish! How about milk, tea, uh, whiskey, cold shower... better still, I’ll choose. You go on with the reading.

Sirius: *ten inches away, staring* Huh?

Severus: *whimper* The fic.

>>And when else would he ever have Black under the influence of truth potion?Besides, as closely as Black had guarded the secret, if he did answer, it might actually be entertaining. "It was one of the major topics of interest at school, Black. As I said, you were the object of a great many lustful dreams. Who was the object of yours?"

Severus: *recovering* Dumbledore... oh, an umbrella...shit!

Sirius: I wasn’t really picky... Dumbledore?! *quivers at the bad mental image* Do I want to know?

Severus: No. But you will, nonetheless. There are some pains that just have to be shared. *whispers in Sirius’ ear something about Dumbledore, Hagrid and a pink umbrella*

Sirius: Aurgh! Severus! (Severus: *laughs*) Yuck! That mental image is never fading away...

Severus: *silent toast with a glass of water* Revenge is sweet...it definitely is...

Sirius: By the way...

Severus: Sorry, I don’t give details on that. I too have my limits.

Sirius: ...do you have any idea how nice your voice sounds when you whisper?

Severus: *hyperventilates* This is my ’Ten points from Gryffindor" voice. I pretty much doubt it sounds nice.

Sirius: Gryffindors have lousy taste. I can make up for that... *wink*

>>Sirius Black turned away, facing into his corner. "I can't imagine that you need to know the answer to that question."

Severus: I don’t. I know it already. As long as it wore a skirt and was in the same hemysphere as you, it was on your list, right?

Sirius: *mumbles something about pants’ contents being way better*

>>"I don't need to know, but I would like to." Black's silence seemed to require more persuasion.

Severus: How about a punch in the nose?

Sirius: ’Bout not?

>>Black hadn't refused to answer outright. "Oh, come on, Black. You went through women like water.

Sirius: Like wa Gee Gee, thanks! I feel so loved!

Severus: If I were you, I’d feel overappreciated!

>>You never kept a girlfriend for more than three weeks. Everyone once thought you didn't know who you were looking for. After awhile, we figured you knew exactly who you were looking for... and she was already taken.

Severus: It was Lassie!

Sirius: *blink blink*

Severus: It’s a famous muggle dog that...forget it.

>>Was it Lily? Arabella? Narcissa?"

"Narcissa? God, no."

Sirius: *sigh* There was so much more to Narcissa than what met the eye...

Severus: Spare me the details. And those things about your not liking Slytherins...?

Sirius: Since when do you have to like them when all you want to do is bed them?

Severus: Sirius...You don’t happen to know anything about the premature birth of young Draco Malfoy, do you?

Sirius: Who’s that? The result of your latest fling with Narcissa? What sort of a name is that?

Severus: What sort of a name is Sirius?

Sirius: Now that we’re at it, what sort of name is Severus Snape? *gesturing a ’wait’ sign with his hand* Let me guess, it’s an ominous name, right?

>>With that much he ahe admission made, Severus knew that Black was going to answer the question eventually. "Who was it then?"

Sirius: ...

Severus: McGonagall!

Sirius: Now you’re pushing the envelope!

Severus: Dumbledore would be pushing the envelope!

Sirius: Dumbledore would be plain bad taste!

>>Severuss' voice was muffled, facing into the corner. "I will answer you, if you swear on whatever you hold sacred to fully and completely answer the next question I ask, no matter what it is. Are you willing to pay that price, Severus?"

Severus: Don’t! I can imagine what it’s going to be already!

Sirius: Why are you worried, Severus? Something to hide?

Severus: What would I be hiding?

Sirius: I don’t know... What you and James were doing for four hours in the Hufflepuffs’ dormitories that day...

Severus: *blush* I have never set foot in Hufflepuffs’ dormitories! Not worthy of a Slytherin.

>>Severus closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall, glad that Black couldn't see his face. It was a hefty price to pay for his curiosity.

Sirius: Oh, if you only knew...

Severus: Oh, my, even he realised what’s going to happen...hurrah for originality!

Sirius: Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck! Hey, what do you mean by ’even me’?

Severus: Oh...take a wild guess...

>>But who could Sirius have wanted that he thought the secret was worth that kind of price, even now? Severus was hooked. Now he had to know the answer. "Yes, I will answer your question, whatever it is. My word on it."

Severus: You wish!

Sirius: Actually, Severus, I wouldn’t mind having something else on it, instead of the word...*wiggles hips*

Severus: *Machiavellian grin* You’re asking for it...Don’t complain, later...

>>"Since when." How bad could this be? Had Sirius had lustful dreams about McGonagall?

Sirius: Oh, I’m going to throw up...

Severus: I guess I can see where this is going, and something tells me it has nothing to do with women.

>>Severus sank down against the wall at the thought.

Sirius: Fic you agrees with me! I like fic you! And you don’t look so bad either...

Snape: You really are trying to make me lose control, aren’t you?

Sirius: You’re almost as brilliant as fic you, you know? *oh-so-sexy glare from our beloved Potions Master* Am I succeeding?

>>Sirius voice sounded almost wild. "It humiliated me at the time, you know. It took years before I could bring myself to tell James. Even then, I felt terrible. I —"

"You're stalling," Severus offered. It must have been McGonagall.

Sirius: Oh, the mental image. Oh, sweet Merlin, I’m never looking at cats the same way again...

Severus: Then again, you know what they say about cats and dogs...

>>"I know. You would think the years in Azkaban would have beaten all of this out of me, wouldn't you?" Severus held his tongue this time.

Sirius: Whatever for?

>>”I suppose I can't keep beating around the bush." There was a hollow thump, and Severus interpreted it as Sirius Black hitting his head against the wall.

Severus: Oh, everything’s fine, then.

>>"You were the focus of them all, from the age of thirteen on."

Sirius: Well, at least I have exquisite taste.

Severus: Thirteen? I’m...I’m pretty sure there’s something funny to say about this, but I’m too busy trying to block an image that just popped up of Draco and Lucius together. Why are there no buckets here? *looks desperately around*

Sirius: There’s always the bathroom. But wait, Lucius as in Lucius Malfoy? With his own son? One would think he’d have the money to pay for a..

Severus: Whatever you have to say on that matter, I don’t want to hear it.

Sirius: Dildo. Pay for a dildo. What did you think I was going to say?

>>Oh, God. Had Severus heard correctly? "You're lying."

Sirius: WHAT an inspired dialogue!

Severus: As opposed to the credibility of the plot...

Sirius: It is believable! Want proof?

>>"Am I? I would think you'd have more faith in your truth potion than that."

"You expect me to believe that the perfect Sirius Black

Severus: *laughs hysterically*

>>dreamed about me?

Sirius: Think I’m perfect? *sweet smile*

Severus: Sarcasm. Ever heard of it?

>>Do you think I'm stupid?"

Sirius: Now you’re asking for it!

Severus: Have you ever been to school? Learned things like ENGLISH and GRAMMAR and RECTORICAL QUESTIONS?

>>"If I thought you were stupid, I would hardly have spent five years having erotic dreams about you, would I?"

Severus: Precocious! That’s my Sirius!

Sirius: I...I think I just lost something here...Are you jumping on me? You are!

Severus: *laughs* What, thought you were the only one entitled to that, here? *mocking voice* Are you pushing me away? You’re not!

Sirius: No! I’m not the stupid one here!

>>"How should I know what fascinates you?" Severus said through numb lips.

Sirius: It takes one to know one...then again, not really, but who cares?

>>"Seeing as you were the one who did... I would think that you might have some idea."

Sirius: Well, it makes sense.

Severus: *confused* It does?

Sirius: Given I’m not very discreet about it.

Severus: Oh, yes. It does make sense!

>>"Why?"

Sirius let out a bitter laugh. "If I had known why, I wouldn't have been as embarrassed.

Severus: Why? You’d have raped me instead of jerking off? Oh, that wouldn’t be embarrassing at all!

Sirius: Severus, we need to get to know each other better. I’m all for tenderness, I am! I’d take good care of you...

Severus: I, on the other hand, tend to be rough. And you’re about to have a taste of it yourself.

Sirius: *whimper* Is that supposed to turn me off?! *edges closer* Are you sure you don’t want to make a pause?

Severus: Yes, I am.

Sirius: *pouts* You just want to torture me...

Severus: *huge grin* Is it working?

>>I never had dreams about James, or Remus, or — God forbid — Peter. Or the girls that threw themselves at me.

Sirius: Fic Sirius is far more realistic than I thought! *high-fives the parchment*

>>When I fell asleep, I was focused on you. It was a large part

Sirius: Extremely large.

Severus: Not what I’ve been told.

Sirius: Pure spite.

>>of why I wanted you to go away — stop watching and leave us alone.

Severus: Let me see if I can get this straight...

Sirius: *snort* Straight?! This?!*falls off table laughing hysterically* Go for it, Severus, hope is the last one to die! *still laughing*

Severus: *glares* (Sirius: How sexy! You just have to teach me that!) ... As I was saying... you wanted me, I didn’t give a shit, your ego was hurt and I was supposed to leave you alone? If Granger mentions Gryffindor’s modesty and common sense ever again, the little Gryffindorks’ll be in negative points till the next millenium!

>>I was so embarrassed — and so afraid that you'd find out why. And it is why James was so horrified when he heard what I had done — telling you how to get past the Whomping Willow, sending you after Remus. James knew immediately why I had done it. After he got you out, he gave me a tongue-lashing

Severus. I can’t believe how bad that sounds!

Sirius: Yeah, poor ol’ James must be rolling over in his grave...

Severus: Ugh! Please, at least for a while, I’d rather not think of Pothead senior in any way, least of all dead, most specially coming from you!

Sirius: *blank look*

Severus: *quicky summarises the fic in which James Potter’s corpse is ravaged by a very horny — oh-so-grieving - Sirius Black*

Sirius: *in shock*

Severus: *laughs* What? Were you out of town?

>>I'll never forget. He was right. It wasn't your fault I was having dreams about you that I didn't know how to deal with."

His explanation was both unbelievable and very plausible.

Sirius: That makes perfect sense! Are you always that coherent?

>>"You dreamed about me — for years. Do you still?"

There was a very long silence this time, time enough for Severus' heart to stop beating and start again. "Yes. Just think of the potential you have for blackmail."

"But you've always hated me."

Sirius: Yeah, so? *facing Snape* He makes it sound like it’s a problem.

>>"What does that have to do with anything?"

Sirius: My point exactly!

>>Severus shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. "Apparently nothing."

Sirius: Fic you doesn’t conceive of sex without love...that’s so sweet!

Severus: Real me is much more liberal. I need something to drink. Want some? *goes fetch a drink, ’accidentally’ wiggling to a gaping Sirius*

Sirius: No more coffee for me. I’m wired enough!

>>Sirius Black had spent years having lustful dreams about him — Severus Snape.

Sirius: I do sooooo understand him...

Severus. You know, you’re starting to annoy me...

Sirius: You’re right. It’s time we started another stage of our relationship. *goes sit on Severus’ lap*

Severus: *wriggles hysterically* Aaaahhh! Get off me! Now! *pushes Sirius away*

Sirius: *lands on the floor with a loud thud* Ouch...*gets up and quickly sits right next to Severus. As close as he possibly can. Crushing them both together* *pout pout pout*

Sirius: Ok, princess, don’t worry, I’ll take it slowly...

Severus: Please...there are some things you shouldn’t mention in certain situations. ’Take it’ is one of them.

Sirius: I can always be the one who gives...better that way?

>>He kept repeating that thought in his mind; perhaps he'd eventually accept it.

Sirius: What is it, Severus? Think I’m too good for you?

Severus: *laughs hysterically* Really, Sirius, you should see a doctor! Not even Azkaban kicked that conceit out of you? You know, living of ilusions doesn’t ever do you any good. Eww, I’m starting to sound like Albus...

>>"Remember, Severus. You promised to fully and completely answer my next question, no matter what it was."

Severus: And you believed me?

>>Yes, he had promised. He'd given his word. But that was before...

Severus: See?

Sirius: *coughcowardlyfagcough*

>>when he had thought the worst thing Sirius could ask him was about the details of his association with Voldemort, Death Eater initiation rites, or something of that stamp.

Severus: It is!

>>Now, he had the sinking sensation that he knew the question Sirius was going to ask.

Sirius: We all do...

>>"Ask the question," he snapped.

"Who was the subject of your dreams and late night fantasies, Severus? Truthfully."

Severus: The suspense!

Sirius: Oh, I never saw that one coming...

>>"I should never have agreed to this."

"You did. So, answer."

Severus: Are you always that kind and understanding, Black?

Sirius: *sweet smile* Try me...*wiggles*

Severus: *trembles*

>>It wasn't as if Black would trumpet the information about when he knew... so be it. "I told you before, whether you understood or not.

Severus: Humm...Fic me is assuming you can understand anything, once in a while. Fic me is an idiot.

Sirius: I thought we had settled that already.

Severus: *glares* That was just cheap.

Sirius: Want me to kiss it better?

>>Most of the women and half of the men had erotic dreams about you.

Sirius: I know that!

>>I was one of them.

Sirius: *stares* Really?! *big grin*

Severus: *blushing* Me, real. That scum, fictional. Don’t look at me that way.

>>Perfect Sirius Black — a bit too fond of Muggle clothing — but looking good enough in them that it didn't matter.

Sirius: Of course it didn’t matter! Seeing as I’ve never worn muggle clothes...

Severus: Liar!

Sirius: *pouts* Ok, I tried them, sometimes, but didn’t actually wear them. Too unconfortable... and they make me look fat!

>>Oh, yes. You'd be amazed how prominently you featured in my dreams.

Severus: True.

Sirius: *victorious smile*

Severus: In my dreams you let me try my poisons on you. And they all worked.

>As often as I imagined peeling those leather pants off of you, I could have removed them in the dark with my teeth if given the opportunity.

Sirius: *sweatdrop* Wow!

Severus: I’m truly sorry, but this whole passage is a little too much for me. That’s totally surreal!

Sirius: *shifting in the table and mumbling* You keep saying that... Maybe you’ll believe it.

>>Not to say that there weren't others in my dreams — perhaps I was a little less focused than you —

Severus: Perhaps at some point I recalled my disliking him? Perhaps I’m a little too intelligent to waste my time with doggy boy (Sirius: Hey!)? Perhaps it’s a common thing for horny adolescents to have spicy dreams about anything that moves?

Sirius: You were never a horny adolescent, Severus. I can’t recall a cooler iceberg than you.

Severus: What makes you think I acted that way in my room as well? *swings his hips slightly*

Sirius: *sharp intake of breath*

>>but you were the most frequent subject."

Sirius: Of your adult section?

Severus: Sub-category: terror.

>>A very long silence this time, and Severus couldn't help but wonder: had Sirius contrived some way to avoid the truth potion?

Sirius: Are you really that unsure of yourself? It’s your potion, for Merlin’s sake!

>>If he had, there was no way that Severus could live this admission down.

Severus: If he had, there was no way Sirius was leaving that room alive. *looks at Sirius significantly*

>>"Did you really? I never suspected."

Severus: Oh, dear gods, dumb and dumber...

>>"Of course. Even after..."

Sirius: WAIT! Rewind! What you just said about my not leaving the room alive...

Severus: Yes?

Sirius: Did you mean it?

Severus: Of course I did!

Sirius: About the reason, idiot!

Severus: What reason?

Sirius: *grinds teeth and counts to ten* When you admited you wanted me...

Severus: *very quickly* Fic me...

Sirius: ... If I was lying about wanting you, you’d have killed me. Does that mean that you really want me?

Severus: *stares in disbelief* You really can’t tell reality from fiction, can you? Look, when I untie the knot your sorry attempt at reasoning just made in my brain, I’ll answer that properly.

>>"After I tried to kill you?"

Severus: *sarcastically* That’s when I realised I loved you and we were made for each other.

>>"Yes. After that." Severus felt his mouth twist unpleasantly. "They did take a different tone, after."

Sirius: I think I should be getting scared, here...

Severus: Don’t tell me you’re not.

Sirius: Actually, something there’s turning me on...and up...

Severus: Sirius, I’m this close...

Sirius: *sweating* So am I... Oh, am I close...

>>Severus heard a rustle and saw Sirius shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. "I'm not going to ask the other question. I'm nothing like I was."

Other question? Ah, yes: 'do you still?' "No, you're not. Good. I don't fancy being fed to a werewolf."

Severus: Remus’ kinda cute, actually...

Sirius: *snaps out of whatever happy place it is he was in* Don’t you even think about it! Or him!

Severus: Jealous? Now it’s getting interesting...

>>Sirius laughed humorlessly. After a pause, he asked, "If I had told you at the time, would you have believed me?"

Severus: *laughs*

>>"Of course not. I would have been sure you were trying to make a fool of me."

Sirius: I probably would be...

Severus: Having trouble coming out of the closet, Sirius? *purrs*

Sirius: *whimper*

>>Sirius' voice was very quiet now. "Would you have told..."

Severus: The whole of the school, including the Slytherins? Not likely. I’d tape it and go straight to Pothead and Co.

>>Severus scowled. "Told? Told whom? If you hadn't noticed, Black, I'm not exactly a fount of information. I've hardly made a point of telling anyone things they didn't need to know."

Sirius: You sure put on a very convincing act...

>>"You told all of Slytherin about Remus."

Severus: *uncomfortable* Everybody makes mistakes...

>>Severus shrugged. Black had a point there.

Sirius: Yes, right below the waist. Wanna see?

>>Severus still felt slightly guilty about that.

Severus: Then again, you people did rob me of that Order of Merlin.

Sirius: And here I was, thinking you might have had a noble reason for that petty revenge, such as that incident when we were students...

>>"Had Albus bothered to tell me you were innocent, I probably wouldn't have."

Severus: Ha! Yes, I would! Remus is much easier to deal with when he is helpless and needy...

Sirius: *deep breath* Don’t you ever even think of getting close to him!

Severus: And I need your blessing because?! Lupin and I were teaching together for a year. With all that tension flowing between us, do you really think nothing happened?

Sirius: * very unsure voice* But that’s what Remus told me...

Severus: You’re so naif!

Sirius: B-b-but...but...you hated each other! *sniffling*

Severus: Déja vu... *mocking voice* ‘What does that have to do with anything?‘ And he didn‘t hate me. I hated him. It‘s different. And it sure didn‘t stop us, on the contrary...

Sirius: *sniff* Severus, that‘s not funny...

Severus: How can you say that? We had so much fun!

Sirius: *to himself* Remus has a lot of explaining to do, as soon as I lay my hands on him! Who the hell does he think he is? He didn‘t even tell me! What the fuck makes him think he can touch my property?! Him, of all people! And you! How could you?! *pouts*

Severus: What a possessive little girl...*huge grin* And so ends a twenty-something-year-old friendship...Something tells me Pettygrew was the smartest of the bunch.

Sirius: Sev...

Severus: Don’t call me that. Don’t even try it. It’s a dark side. Don’t do it.

Sirius: ...You’re joking, right? Nothing happened, right? (Severus: You’re starting to sound pathetic...) *edges closer, if possible, and hugs Severus possessively* I haven’t even had my go at you, yet...don’t do this to me...

Severus: *too stunned to push him away* Aren’t you taking this a bit too seriously? READ! >He >He shrugged. "Or perhaps I would have. The pair of you did cost me the Order of Merlin."

Severus: *nods*

Sirius: You’re not frustrated about that, are you? You have me...

Severus: *pouts*

>>"Oh."

Sirius: Isn’t it amazing, the variety in vocabulary people in love use?

>>"I suppose it's my turn to ask a question, if you care. Would you have wanted those fanta ful fulfilled?"

Sirius: *drools* What do you think?

Severus: I don’t like the path this is taking...

>>"I've answered your other questions. I really don't want to answer--"

Sirius: YES! The answer is YES!

>>That sort of evasion was a very clear sign.

Sirius: Who’s evading? What part of YES-PLEASE-FUCK-ME-NOW don’t you understand?

Severus: You give fuck a bad name!

Sirius: Who cares about labels when you can have the real thing?

>>Snape was amazed; eyes widening and jaw dropping. "Is that a yes?"

Sirius: *flashing puppy eyes at Severus* Oh, Sev, I knew one day you’d get a hint!

>>"I — yes."

Sirius: If fic you don’t make a move fast fic me will have to rape fic you even faster!!

Severus: You wouldn’t want to rape me any other way? You don’t understand the concept of love.

Sirius: Who said anything about love?! Wait! You did! And the context involved me! *grin bigger than face itself* Does that mean—?

Severus: How many times have I told you not to think?

Sirius: But—?

Severus: Don’t!

>>e she shook his head slowly

Severus: realizing he’s thinking about sex with Sirius Black and quickly trying to find a sharp object to slit his wrists.

>>There was an obvious follow-up

Severus: Hei, Black! Got a knife?

>>question,

Sirius: Shall we shag?

Severus: No.

Sirius: I’m talking to the fic. I wouldn’t mind a reaction from you, though...

Severus: You don’t even know what my conditions would be.

>>but it was one he wasn't going to ask. Before he made a move

Sirius: *holds his breath* Time for the popcorn?!

Severus: *considering the situation* And you’re not half as submissive as Remus. That’s bad.

Sirius: *shivers* Remus? *crouching sadly*First-name basis, now? *hopefully* So, submission is all it takes?

>>to speak again, he had to decide what he wanted to do about it.

Sirius: You think too much...Seems pretty clear to me!

>>After all of these years and all of the changes, was Severus willing? Interested? The unreality of the situation kept hitting him.

Severus: You ain’t seen nothing, yet.

Sirius: *dreamily* Not that I’m not trying... *moves closer, negligently wrapping his arms around Severus’ waist. Tightly. With little resistence from the Potions Master.*

>>God, he'd had Sirius Black, the Gryffindor God,

Severus: *laughs hysterically* Let me breath! *goes on laughing*

Sirius: Afraid your most intimate thoughts have been discoveresd?

>>tell him that he, Severus Snape, was his dream lover and had always been.

Severus: As if that is unimaginable...

>>How could Severus not be interested?

Sirius: *arm waving in the air* Here, here!

Severus: Want me to list the reasons?

>>"Come

Sirius: I would...

>>over here, Sirius, and tell me about those dreams of yours."

Sirius: Talk! Is that all you can do?

Severus: No, but if you want more, you’ll have to try harder. Perhaps some begging?

>>"Severus, I'd rather--"

Sirius: go straight to the shagging. So would we.

Severus: *as Sirius*remind you that you’re not desperate enough to have sex with me, even if I am *sarcastically* the Gryffindor G...

Sirius: *deep sigh* *sticks a handful of popcorn in Severus’ mouth* You’re lucky it’s only popcorn.

Severus: *cough* So scared...*cough* How terrifying... *cough cough* You’re asking for... *cough*

>>"We have hours left before they come to let us out. Of course, we can open the door ourselves, but we'll probably end up regretting it if we do.

Severus: I’m not doing it! Dumbledore has not reached old age by being sweet and understanding.

Sirius: Agreed. Besides, who would want to be anywhere else but here with you?

>>I don't have any more questions about your history during the war, and I doubt you have any more about mine.

Severus: Is it me or we’re rushing in to something?

Sirius: ’In’ being the operative word

>>So come over here,

Severus: Oh no, no, no, no!

Sirius: Afraid you won’t resist me?

Snape: Yeah, THAT’S it! *rolls eyes*

>>sit down, and tell me just what it is you wanted from me all those years ago."

Sirius: Your—

Severus: Sirius Black!

Sirius: — sense of humour!

>>Severus really didn't think Sirius would do it. No matter how much Sirius had wanted at the time-- and Severus found it difficult to imagine that Sirius was really telling the truth.

Sirius: I wanna shag you!

Severus: I believe you do! Shut the fuck up!

>>it was something he was clearly embarrassed to admit to.

Sirius: You should get in touch with your feelings. You’re a being capable of loving and being loved.

Severus: *obviously not familiar with the concept* The person who told you that knows as much about me as I know about him.

>>So, Severus was amazed when Sirius, cursing under his breath, rose

Sirius: There are so many thing rising! They just can’t rise anymore.

Severus: That a hint?

Sirius: *wink*

>>slowly to his feet and walked across the room, sitting down about a foot away from Severus.

Sirius: No, actually, I’m kind of an inch away from you—about to come closer—

>>Sirius wrapped his arms

Sirius: *hugs Severus*

Severus: No, real Sirius was faster... Black... Arms off my waist. Now.

Sirius: *lowers his arms*

>>tightly

Severus: Don’t you ...

>>around his knees.

Sirius: *chanting * Too late. You know, knees just turn me off. *and up go his arms. Not too high, though*

>>"Fine, then. I'll tell you whatever you want."

Severus: Nothing at all would be nice.

Sirius: Ok.

Severus: *mouth hangs open in disbelief*

Sirius: Wanna see what else I can do with my mouth?

Severus: * swiftly closes his mouth*

>>"I'd hardly be asking you about it if the idea repulsed me."

Severus: More repulsed and I’d throw up!

Sirius: I’m almost convinced of your love for me!

Severus: That would be a deceiving thought!

>>Sirius drew in a deep breath and let it out.

Sirius: I let it out? But the only thing I want is to let it in!

>>He didn't seem any happier, or any more comfortable.

Sirius: *shifts in sympathy* Severus, how can you keep such a comfortable lap only for yourself?

>>"How could you possibly hope to do things you can't bear to talk about?"

Severus: You know, plotting, thinking and acting at the same time is a strain on his capacities, already. Talking about his dirty plots would only blast whatever sorry little brain he has into oblivion.

Sirius: Hey, there’s nothing little about me!

>>Severus watched as Sirius drew in a shaky breath, and couldn't help exulting in the power he possessed. Sexual power was something he'd never even hoped to possess

Severus: WHAT?

Sirius: "Sexual power was something he'd never—"

Severus: I heard it the first time! What—? Who does the author thinks she is to—? Aaargg...

Sirius: Severus, calm down. It’s just a fic.

Severus: *not listening* I’d seduce her— if only—

Sirius: —you liked women?

Severus: Not helping!

Sirius: Not intending to!

>>over Sirius Black, even in his wildest fantasies.

Sirius: You have wild fantasies?

Severus: If it involves you, wild is the word.

Sirius: *not knowing how to interpret it* wild as in incontrollably attracted?

Severus: Wild as in wolf!

Sirius: Ouch!

Severus: Love hurts.

Sirius: Is that an admission?

>>Things like this just didn't happen to Severus Snape. Sirius goddamn Black.

"Look, Snape, it's not as if I've ever done this

Severus: *tremendous grin* A virgin! That opens a whole new world of possibilities! *pats Sirius’ backside*

Sirius: *blush* Too hot inside...too hot inside...

>>before!" Sirius snapped.

Severus: With a person, you mean?

Sirius: With a heartless person, I mean!

Severus: You can’t trick me anymore! Never with a woman, Sirius? Honestly, where have you been living?

Sirius: I—

Severus: Listen and learn. Basically, the mechanics is always the same: in, out, in, out...

>>"Never with another man, you mean?"

Severus: Never with another man, either?! *laughs. Over and over again*

Sirius: It’s not—

>>"Never with another man!

Severus: *laughs some more*

>>Women were always--"

Severus: *laughs himself to the floor, dragging a highly offended Sirius along*

Sirius: *tumble* Phat iz not trrrue! *rumble* Phits han rinsult! *bang*

Severus: *can’t answer. Is too busy being in hysterics*

Sirius: And if you don’t shut your mouth this moment, the little virgin here is having you as his first. Shut-up-now!

Severus: *does so*

Sirius: You’d better!

Severus: *snort*

>>Severus shook his head. "Yes. I had some interesting chats with your former girlfriends after you dumped them.

Sirius: Soooo, how would you like to share with us a couple of your experiences as the second choice?

Severus: *rolls eyes*

>>They were eager to whisper in a sympathetic ear.

Sirius: Good thinking they went to you! So, how does it feel to be second choice?

Severus: Not again—apparently they weren’t satisfied with the first one!

Sirius: *pitty puppy look* ’Cause I was waiting for you!

>>I heard quite a lot about you and your women." Severus sighed. "It doesn't matter. Just-- close your eyes. Let loose your deathgrip

Sirius: I can give you a nice deathgrip—

>>on your legs,

Sirius: —and I’d be nice to your legs—all of them—*hopeful*

>>and relax."

Sirius: That’s what I’m here for. *hugs Severus*

>>If anything, Sirius' grip tightened

Sirius: *does so. His hand accidentally slips to Severus’ waistband*

>>and his eyes opened wider.

Sirius: The eyes opened wider?! The eyes?! And the legs, were they on holidays?

>>"What are you going-?"

Severus: I’m going to (Sirius: Hopefully it will involve sex!) give you a break, in loving memory of all those years IN AZKABAN!!

Sirius: Should I see it as a proof of love?

Severus: Oh, I give up!

Sirius: So, will we have sex now?

Severus: Yeah, right after I have sex with Dumbledore!

Sirius: Wha—?

Severus: NEVER MIND! For an instant there I forgot who I was talking with!

>>"Stop acting like I'm going to murder you!"

Sirius: Now, why would the author think such a thing about you?

Severus: One can only wonder why a Death Eater would do that.

>>Severus let out a muffled curse.

Sirius: *hysterically* Aaaaaaaaaah! Don’t curse! Don’t curse! *Calming down* Oh, I forgot— You make POTIONS— don’t actually curse anything!

Severus: *thinking out loud* Why would I muffle a curse towards him? It just doesn’t make any sense...?!

Sirius: Because you love me and didn’t want to hurt me?

Severus: Suuuuuure! That must have been it!

>>and, in frustration, took a step that he otherwise would not have taken quite yet. Before Black could huddle in on himself further,

Severus: Don’t.

Sirius: I would, but I’m too close, already.

>>Severus laced bony white fingers in the other man's hair, holding Black's head in place while he brought his lips to meet Black's.

Sirius: I could see where this was going!

Severus: Has the world no logic at all?!?

Sirius: Hey! You kissed me!

Severus: *rolls eyes* Does the word fiction ring any bell?

Sirius: *realising something* No, wait! *edging closer to Snape* Where’s my kiss?

Severus: In a distante place— keeping your BRAIN some company!!

Sirius: That’s harsh!

>>Black's lips were still parted in shock,

Severus: Never thought I was such a good kisser, huh?

Sirius: *annoyed* I wouldn’t know, now, would I?

>>and Severus used the opportunity to slip his tongue inside Sirius' mouth.

Severus: Now I’M in shock!! What could I possibily see in this whole situation that—?

Sirius: The opportunity to slip YOUR tongue inside MY mouth. *between his teeth* Not that I’ve noticed anything.

Severus: What is this? Shock therapy? This can’t be right!

>>Beyond an initial jerk backward, Sirius didn't fight,

Sirius: I’m way cleverer than some people in this room

>>seeming frozen in place.

Severus: As opposed to the real one— don’t you touch that! It’s private!

Sirius: *giggles*

>>As Severus continued to taste and probe,

Sirius: Severus *puppy dog face*

Severus: No.

>>he was finally rewarded with Sirius' tongue hesitantly moving

Severus: Hesitantly?! *shifts, trying to escape Sirius’ claws*

Sirius: *too busy to speak*

>>against his.

Severus: With no reaction from me. Don’t get any illusions. What are you looking for down there?

>>At that concession, Severus deepened the kiss,

Severus: No, I didn’t! *draggs Sirius to the opposite corner of the room and ties him to the table*

>>pressing his body more tightly against the other man's,

Sirius: How the hell am I supposed to do that without you here?

Severus: Oh, use your imagination. And feel free to ask for your right hand’s help.

Sirius: *resentful* I can control myself, thanks. Don’t judge everyone by yourself.

>>sliding them both down to the floor.

Sirius: Anxious, are we?

Severus: *sarcastic voice* Ohh yesss. You can’t imagine for how many years I’ve dreamt about this moment

>>Sirius' thighs reluctantly parted, and Severus slid his leg between them,

Severus: Oh God! Oh God!

>>feeling the growing hardness against his thigh, and knowing by Sirius' sudden gasp that he could feel the same.

Severus: Oh My God!

Sirius: *vicious grin* Coming already?

>>If anything, it only seemed to make Sirius wilder.

Severus: That CAN’T be good, now, can it?

>>His tongue was now eagerly probing Severus' mouth,

Severus: *clasps his mouth shut the same instant*

>>hands sliding down Severus' spine, grasping tightly, desperately.

Sirius: *twists just as tightly and desperately*

>>Severus slid his hands between them, loosening the fastenings of Sirius' robe,

Severus: *thinks of Sirius fucking dead James* *stares at the real one spreading in front of him* Oh, fuck!

Sirius: I damn well would!

>>parting the fabric, and reaching inside after skin.

Severus: *and of Dumbledore in a thong*

>>At the first touch of Severus' hands, Sirius broke off the kiss, gasping. "Severus, what are you doing?"

Sirius: *his twisting would make a chinese contortionist proud of him* *yelling* If fic me doesn’t even fucking know that, I can give him a live demonstration! Severus! Turn me the fuck loose!

Severus: *...Lockhart in a bikini and Flitwick in high heels*

>>Snape lifted one brow sharply.

Sirius: Couldn’t you lift something else instead?

>>"Was this one of your fantasies, Sirius?

Sirius: *opens his mouth*

Severus: Shut up. Don’t bother searching that list of yours. I don’t want to know.

>>Since you're uncomfortable telling me, why don't we see just how many of them I can guess?"

Severus: *closes his eyes and starts mumbling under his breath. There are some references to Dunbledore, Avocado and death*

>>Sirius cried out hoarsely

Sirius: *does so*

Severus: *death glare*

>>as Severus laved one nipple, working all the while with his hands to finish freeing Sirius from his clothing.

Sirius: Going to my happy place, don’t want to be bothered. *listens attentively to Severus reading, with a blissful expression on his face*

Severus: *grows bright red as he reads a couple of lines ahead* I... I think I need a shower...cold...

>>Hampering fabric out of the way at last, he encircled the jutting erection with long white fingers.

Severus: *moving uncomfortably around* A little break, anyone?!

>>At that simple touch, Sirius' back arched, jerking him off of the floor.

Sirius: *would do so if he still had the energy for it* Is that water in the bucket on the corner?

Severus: Sirius, where’s your hand?

>>Severus lifted away from Sirius' nipple, ignoring Sirius' soft whimper.

Sirius: *random scream*

Severus: Soft?!

>>"I'm almost positive you dreamed of this. Let's see if reality can live up to your expectations."

Sirius: "Up" being the keyword...

Severus: *rolling eyes* Water, you said?

>>With one quick movement,

Sirius: *blissful sigh*

Severus: Sirius, I want your hand where I can see it. Now.

>>Severus slid down against Sirius' body,

Sirius: *makes some weird move against the table*

>>tracing his tongue down the length of Sirius' chest,

Sirius: *on all fours, making some other weird moves*

Severus: *drinking some water* Sirius, I think we should leave fic us alone... Albus, please open that door...

*three more locks appear on said door*

Sirius: *tired voice* I think that was a no...

>>past the waist,

Severus: *drink drink*

>>and down

Sirius: *finds out he can drag the table to wherever it is he wants to go. And does so*

>>to the thick curled hair surrounding the erect and dripping cock.

Severus: *has a look at Sirius. Starts moving in the opposite direction. Fast.*

>>Sirius shuddered convulsively and Severus smiled,

Sirius: *trips*

Severus: *sweet smile* Everything going your way?

>>knowing, even if Sirius didn't, that whatever power Severus had held before, it was about to be increased a hundred fold.

Severus: Oh, how gooood...has anyone told Sirius that he’s supposed to be intimidated?

Sirius: *muffled voice, from under the table* Who’s mistaking fiction for reality, now?

>>Slowly, leisurely, he traced his tongue around the base of Sirius' erection,

Severus: Sirius! Hands up!

Sirius: *pout* Mind your own business.

>>moving slowly up in a spiral, finally circling repeatedly under the crown.

Sirius: *traps Severus against the wall* A-ha!

>>Sirius hands were twitching by his sides, closing into fists, then releasing.

Severus: It looks like they’re about to fight, rather than have sex.

Sirius: *approaching* Do we really care about them?

>>Severus paused briefly and spoke,

Severus: *tiny voice* I need some more water...

Sirius: *another step. And another* Accio glass. *reminds himself he’s a wizard and frees his hands*.

>>making sure the whispered bursts of hot air hit the sensitive tip.

Severus: *tries to melt into the wall. Fails miserably*

Sirius: *takes the chance to give him the water. Placing his left hand on Severus neck.*

>>"Was this what you wanted?

Sirius: *whispering* Fuck, yeah...

>>You've never said, Sirius."

Sirius: *surprised* I didn’t know you were deaf.

Severus: * would retort if he wasn’t desperately trying to push Sirius away without touching him. And that’s why he places one hand on Sirius’ waist. Accidentally, of course.*

>>"Yes, Severus, please... don't stop,"

Severus: So, that’s a hard man to get...

Sirius: Like hell, don’t stop. Time to prove that you’re more than just talk. Start!

Severus: *goes temporarily deaf* I repeat: Isn’t it time we left them alone?

>>Ss sas said through loud pants,

Sirius: *pants*

>>eyes opening to meet Severus' eyes.

Severus: The eyes. Right.

Sirius: And then you’re surprised if I feel underappreciated.

>>Sirius' eyes no longer looked dead, but they did look desperate.

Severus: *looks at Sirius* True. But what exactly is strange about that?

Sirius: *whispers in Severus’ ear, much closer than necessary* You know, all that pretending is getting tiresome. *cue puppy dog face* I told you I’d be tender... I meant it...

>>Holding Sirius' eyes,

Both: Ouch.

>>Severus slowly pulled the tip into his mouth,

Sirius: *dreamy look*

Severus: Nonono. no. Don’t you even think...

Sirius: *clasping his free hand over Severus’ mouth* Shut up. Let me ream...I mean, dream.

>>drawing it progressively further,

Severus: Mhmhmhmmmmhum.

Sirius: You’re right. Some people shouldn’t read this. What if we keep it for ourselves? It does give you a couple ideas...

>>twitching his tongue as it slid in.

Sirius: * buries his head on Severus’ neck* Let me try a softer version...

Severus: *twitches uncontrollably* Nhmhnuhnmnmhmnhum!

>>Sirius screamed out loud, hoarse and long. His hands moved up, lacing themselves through Snape's hair,

Sirius: *takes his hand off Severus’ mouth* Sorry, I didn’t catch that.

Severus: Get the fuck off me!

Sirius: Oh, that... I need to get it in, first...

Severus: *apoplectic* I’m not kidding! Get off this instant!

>>and pulling, hard. This was not going to take long at all, Snape thought,

Sirius: Yes, yes, yes. I told you I wouldn’t mind being the bitch. *buries his head again*

>>sliding his mouth, flicking his tongue.

Sirius: *follows the advice*

>>And he was right.

Severus: *lost for words*

>>A few minutes later, Sirius screamed again, his cock pulsing, spraying into Severus' mouth.

Sirius: Only if you want it...

>>Severus slid his mouth up gently, trying to catch everything, swallowed, and tongued the last drops from the tip.

Severus: *sweaty* ... I certainly don’t.

Sirius: Certainly. *resumes his investigation. His hand somehow falls somewhere south of the Equator. Accidentally.*

>>Sirius shuddered and shook, the faint sparkle of tears at the corners of his eyes.

Severus: *hysterical laughter*

>>Severus felt almost guilty. Sirius had wanted this, but perhaps...

Severus: ...this the wrong place and time for this? I agree.

Sirius: So do I. Your room would be better. But, oh, well...

>>He moved up, stretching out by Sirius' side and taking the other man in his arms.

Sirius: * surprised look* Well? What are you waiting for?

>>Sirius clutched him tightly,

Severus: *finally giving in. Or so it seems* You really have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, do you?

>>pressing his mouth soundly against Severus'. Severus returned the kiss.

Sirius: I was hoping you’d be the one to get in...

Severus: Can they please just fuck, now?

>>As Sirius' breathing returned to normal,

Severus: That quickly? I can do better than that!

Sirius: There’s no evidence proving it... I’m free to doubt it...

>>Severus finally spoke. "Will you talk to me now?"

Severus: Actually, at those moments, talking is the last thing in my mind.

Sirius: *to himself* Who would’ve guessed... haven’t done anything BUT talk.

>>"I didn't know it would be like that."

Sirius: I’m counting on it to be better. You said so...*menacing look*

>>Severus pressed his lips together. "Has no one ever done that for you before?" he asked flatly.

Severus: *chanting* Like a virgin...

>>Sirius' cheeks reddened. "Look, Severus. I'm not completely inexperienced. I've had women. Yes. Some of them have done that for me. This felt different."

Severus: *sarcastic* This was with the love of my life!

Sirius: *sweetly* It was the magic of you!

>>"Different how?"

Sirius looked away.

Sirius: *looks at Severus’ chest* Too many buttons...*starts undoing them*

Severus: Wha...?!

>>"More intense," he said. He was silent a bit longer.

Severus: *apparently retrieving his sarcastic bone* And stayed that way, hopefully.

>>"Maybe you've had more practice...

Sirius: *laughs* Yeah, dream on...

>>Maybe because of the truth potion... Maybe just because it's you."

Severus: Maybe ’cos you’re eagerly waiting for that fuck?

Sirius: Fic me really has a crush on you, doesn’t he?

Severus: And you don’t?

>>"What else did you dream about, Sirius? I doubt you'll say anything that shocks me."

Sirius: *uncomfortably* I...*very quickly* Of course not! But I want to shag!

Severus: *pushing him away* You just made the wrongest choice of words ever. Get off. Go look for someone else.

>>The red color spread throughout Sirius' face. "You're joking."

Severus: No, I’m not. Fuck off.

Sirius: But...was this about love? Didn’t we agree we were just going to shag?

>>Snape shook his head.

Severus: Oh, yeah, but that’s not something you say that bluntly, particularly if you haven’t got what you wanted, yet.

>>"I never said I'd done everything you could imagine, nor that I was willing to.

Sirius: *stunned* But...but...but...

>>I don't wear black fishnet stockings or carry a whip for anyone.

Severus: *shudder shudder shudder* Did you hear that? Good. Time someone taught you you can’t get everything you want.

>>So what do you want?

Sirius: *whining* I told you what I want! And you said yes, you slimy egotistical fag!

Severus: Again, wrong choice of words. *innocent wide eyed face* I’m afraid you’re gonna have to wait a little longer, now...

>>Do you want me to fuck you, do you want to fuck me? Come on, Sirius."

Severus: *to himself* How tactful and subtle of fic me...I like fic me...

Sirius: *hopeful* Any of it? Whatever you want? You choose.

>>Sirius closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "Any of it. All of it."

Severus: *laughs* Life doesn’t get much better than this...

>>There was no way Sirius could possibly understand the depth

Sirius: See? Depth? Even the fic is telling us to go on...

>>of power he'd just handed to Severus, and, for once, Severus felt something approaching protectiveness

Severus: *to himself* Towards my own body? You git! That thing is not touching me before he has a shower and I take him to the vet.

>>a strong desire not to abuse that power.

Sirius: *breaking down* But you are!

>>"I would break you open and fuck you blue if I thought you knew what you were asking for."

Sirius: *in the deepest levels of frustration, now* Do you, by any chance, need a fucking DRAWING?

>>"All right, so I'm not as experienced as you are, Severus

Sirius: *indignant pout* WHAT!?

Severus: *chuckle* This is too good to be true... *goes get some popcorn*

>>which is galling, come to think of it. I still have a damned good idea just what I want."

Sirius: *groans* It’s standing right in front of me and won’t give a fuck. Literally.

Severus: *comes back with the popcorn* Want some? I have a feeling the best part is yet to come...

Sirius: Contrary to me...

>>"Show me, then."

Sirius: *grin* *moves his hand to his pants*

Severus: DON’T!

Sirius: * cuddles up to Severus, before he can stop him* Can’t push me away. I’m not doing anything.

>>With a desperate gasp, Sirius was on him,

Sirius: *affirmative nod* And I don’t intend to leave anytime soon.

>>and Severus wondered if he had been wise to push for this.

Severus: I swear I’m not the one doing the pushing here! *looks down* Didn’t you just say that you were gonna be still?

Sirius: No. I said I was still, not that I was staying that way. And I don’t take no for an answer.

>>If Sirius had been nervous before, he seemed to have let loose all of his inhibitions now.

Severus: He certainly has...

>>His tongue was deep in Severus' mouth,

Sirius: *up with his head* Mouth?...No...wrong place...

>>tasting and probing, his hands seeming to be everywhere at once.

Severus: Actually, his hands seem to have settled for one place only. *wriggles away from Sirius* Get them off!

>>This was passion verging on desperation. It was almost as if Sirius was his werewolf friend

Severus: OFF!

>>in transformed state, clawing to free Severus from his robes.

Sirius: *gets off, angry at the mention of Remus*

>>And then it was heated skin against skin,

Sirius: *arms crossed* Forget it.

>>at last, and, embarrassed to even consider it, he found his own hands just as eager to probe the intricacies of Sirius' body.

Sirius: No, thanks. Remus is a major turnoff, here. Just remembered you still owe me an explanation.

>>His fingers laced through the tangled mass of Sirius' hair

Sirius: *still fuming* Contrary to some, I do wash my hair, thanks.

>>I need to do something about that, he thought incongruously

Severus: *relieved he has control over his body again* Not interested in his hair. Nothing above his eyes can possibly interest me. Seeing as there’s nothing there, anyway...

>>lips once again tracing a line down the center of Sirius' chest. His ribs are all-too-apparent-- He needs to eat better, too.

Sirius: I would have, if you hadn’t made a point of turning me off.

Severus: *complete indifference* *resumes his mouth-to-mouth with the popcorn*

>>At the touch of his tongue, Sirius cried out again hoarsely, rolling them over once more.

Sirius: *thinks of fic Severus’ tenderness* *slowly reapproaching* Huh...you know... that explanation...

>>The rough woolen robe served as meager insulation between Severus' back and the floor. He didn't care.

Severus: *to the fic* Yeah, right: Wow, I’m being spanked!. *to Sirius* No.

Sirius:...we can leave it for later...I mean... you’re right, I’m a little possessive...

>>This time, it was Sirius' hands laced through his hair,

Sirius: *does so*

Severus: *pretending not to listen. Or feel. Failing.*

>>Sirius' lips and tongue tracing a path down his chest,

Sirius: *attempts to do so*

Severus: *pouts and edges away*

>>Sirius' mouth closing around his—

Sirius: *lowers head*

Severus: *drops his popcorn*

>>he screamed.

Severus: Oh, yes, I did! *grabs Sirius’ hair and pushes him up* Not-now-not-here-get-the-fuck-off.

>>An unknown amount of time later, Sirius paused;

Severus: *forces Sirius on the table* And if you dare move, I’ll have you waiting for our shag longer than Albus has been waiting for McGonagall’s!

Sirius: *shudder* Please don’t give me more of those mental images...

>>it was enough to allow Severus' brain to operate again.

Severus: *grin growing bigger every passing second* Oh, don’t tell me you don’t know about Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey?

>>He's right. This is — different.

Sirius: It... certainly is. The... the Madam Pomfrey that used to be around when our parents were in Hogwarts?

>>He forced his clenched fingers to loosen, to clutch at Sirius' shoulder.

Severus: *his grin about to fly off his face and dance around the room* Or Filch and Sprout? Just what were you doing in Hogwarts?

Sirius: *whimper* No more...I’ll be good...no more...

>>"Do you want me, Severus?" Black's voice was a low whisper.

Severus: *rolls eyes. Silently*

>>He was surprised to realize his body was shaking, quivering helplessly as Sirius' had earlier.

Sirius: *casts a glance* *embraces Severus* I could make you er…er...

>>Uncontrollably, his hips thrust up against the other man, trying to reclaim that lost sensation.

Severus: * pushes Sirius’ hands away and thinks of Sprout in a black micro-skirt*

>>"Do you?"

Severus: You really are slow, aren’t you?

Sirius: *stops studying Severus’ earlobe* What was that?

>>Sirius dragged his nail lightly down Severus' side; Severus felt his body clench. Through gritted teeth, "Yes."

Severus: *can almost hear Sirius’ grin* *...or Mad-Eye Moody in leather shorts...*

>>The light was dim, but he could easily see the smile on Sirius' face.

Severus: Show me your face. And hands.

>>That look, full of mischief-- yes, very like the Sirius he remembered from school. "When?"

Sirius: Let me check my agenda... How about now?

>>Severus grabbed Sirius shoulders with bruising force. "Don't tease," he hissed.

Sirius: You’re the dicktease, here, you creep.

>>Sirius was wincing at the grip on his shoulders,

Sirius: Oh, if only...

>>but the mischief remained in his eyes.

Severus: *snort* In his eyes. Keep dreaming...

>>"You said you would break me open and fuck me blue if you were sure it was what I wanted."

Sirius: *looks at Severus significantly*

>>"Is it?" His grip loosened slightly, no longer quite bone-crushing.

Severus: *lowers his left hand and holds Sirius still with the right*

>>"Yes."

Severus: *touches something that makes Sirius sigh*

>>Severus flipped the other man beneath him,

Sirius: *moves closer*

>>pushing Sirius' thighs apart and kneeling between them.

Sirius: *contented sigh* No such luck...

>>"Just don't change your mind." He was nearly too wild to be careful, to go slowly.

Severus: *vicious grin* *touches something that makes Sirius scream. In pain.*

>>But not quite.

Severus: Will you be quiet, now, or do you need another one?

Sirius: *sad pout* No...I’ll be quiet...

>>He had to hold on to his control. There was too much danger that Sirius would suddenly refuse to let this continue.

Severus: Danger of what?! Right, he might feel raped... *glares*

Sirius: *plots*

>>He licked his own fingers slowly, making sure that Sirius saw him do it,

Sirius: *unconscious shudder*

Severus: *reaching for the popcorn*

>>then sucked on them — watching the vein in Sirius' neck jump at the sight,

Sirius: *his neck vein is not the only thing jumping*

Severus: *munching popcorn*

>>feeling the matching pulse in Sirius' erection pressed against his thigh.

Severus: *choking on his popcorn* What’s that down there, Sirius?

Sirius: My wand. The magical one.

>>He slid one finger inside the other man,

Sirius: *hopeful*

>>pausing momentarily as Sirius stiffened with shock,

Severus: Having this happening to you must be the greatest surprise of your life. I can picture it already: I wonder if it hurts...

>>then probed, widening.

Severus.: *shocked* After all those flirts, you still need to be prepared? One would think you could take three at the same time, by now...

Sirius: At the same time, not sure, but, if they all came from you...

Severus: *not listening* But, oh, yes, I forgot. You’re a virgin. *resumes his munching*

>>As Sirius' panting grew louder, he slid in another finger, then another,

Sirius: And eventually the full arm, huh? About time he slid something else in. Apparently, fic Severus is as good in keeping his promises as the real one. *pouts*

>>probing, moistening, widening until he was certain the other man would accept him, was ready to accept him.

Severus: Is that a joke? I’m surprised he hasn’t jumped on — and in - me, yet.

>>And Sirius looked ready,

Sirius: *through gritted teeth* I am ready... in what ways...

>>his face flushed, eyes wide, gasping, shaking.

Severus: *pity look* Poor innocent little virgin... doesn’t know what just hit her...

>>Severus wrapped the fingers of his other hand around his own erection and positioned himself.

Severus: *turns his back on Sirius* No. This is very fragile. I don’t trust it to anyone.

Sirius: That small, huh?

Severus: Yeah, pretty small... I hang my head in shame. You can almost mistake it for your wand. Around twenty-five inches, is that it?

>>Slowly, he slid into the moistened opening,

Severus: *to himself, comparing* Twenty-three, perhaps...

Sirius: *moves temporarily to a world all of his own*

>>half-expecting Sirius to refuse now that they'd come to the point.

Sirius: I don’t take my word back. Somebody else did that, already.

Severus: Don’t be such a child. I’ve told you - later.

>>He locked his gaze on Sirius' black eyes,

Sirius: *attempting to get back on Severus’ lap, after he threw him off again* BROWN!

>>even blacker now with dilated pupils.

Sirius: PUPILS?! *throws his hands at his head*

Severus: Don’t be vulgar! I mean, MORE vulgar!

Sirius: It’s not my fault you don’t take a hint.

>>Sirius was gasping and shaking, but was making no move to protest or fight him.

Sirius: Fic me most certainly is not! At least someone is having some fun in this room

>>So.

Severus / Sirius: So?

>>He allowed himself to feel again.

Severus / Sirius: Oh

>>So warm, so tight, so much pressure.

Sirius: So little action

>>This, too, was somehow more intense. He tried an experimental thrust, then a few more when Sirius didn't protest.

Severus: Tell me, really, are you THAT desperate, Black?

Sirius: *very calm voice* Well, it’s just that you keep saying this is neither the time nor the place and somehow*shouting* it doesn’t turn me off!

>>Freed from the fear that Sirius would refuse,

Sirius / Severus: Duh!

>>Severus lifted the other man's legs over his shoulders and leaned down,

Severus: lets hope that I got into a coma

Sirius: Don’t be so hard on yourself

Severus: *interrupting* Oh, apparently I’m being hard on you! Or should I say in you?

Sirius: *speaking to himself* Confusing fic you with reality— that could be good

>>claiming Sirius' mouth and timing the thrusting of his tongue with the thrusting of his hips.

Sirius: You’re a giver *huge happy smile* How come I have never been told of that? I have connections, you know

Severus: Wrong sources.

>>There was nothing beyond the pressure, the friction, the feel of Sirius' body against his, the sound of the other man's gasps, the heat of his mouth.

Severus: The locked door, Dumbledore, Voldemort—

Sirius: Lockart, Potter, Remus—

>>Yes, he wanted Sirius Black

Sirius: There’s no denying it now!

>>he needed Sirius Black

Severus: I did not!

>>but it wasn't just because he was the Griffindor God.

Severus: *rolls on the floor laughing* It sure wasn’t because of that! *laughs some more*

>>He had wanted this since his third year at Hogwarts, when he'd started to realize...

Sirius: women wouldn’t give him a fuck.

Severus: Oh, you put so much value on ourself. basically you’re saying I could only like men because women despised me?

Sirius: *confused*

Severus: I make it clear for you: I dig men — not that you’d fit the profile, given your girly behavior today— just because, ok? And, for your information, women were — and still are — very interested

Sirius: *his time to laugh* Yeah, right. There’s a line of them out this door growing bigger by the minute! *laughs harder*

>>They were both grunting and panting now,

Severus: *ironically* What a marvellous mental image!

>>bodies slick with sweat.

Sirius: *not catching on that irony* — and becoming better!

Severus: *rolls eyes*

Sirius: *noticing Snape’s reaction* What? Baby, you’re out the closet! There’s no grabing to the door now!!

>>Severus could feel himself approaching the pinnacle

Severus: of my patience, could only be—

>>when Sirius' body clenched around him, spraying against his stomach.

Severus: Is there something wrong with you?!

Sirius: Just that I want to give you a shag. That alone gives anyone enough reason to put me in a mental institution.

>>The tight clench set him off in turn, arching his back as he ejaculated deep inside the other man.

Sirius: Fic us down. Real us to go!

>>Coming down from that high, he wearily eased Sirius' legs off of his shoulders and collapsed on top of him,

Sirius: *with sarcasm* How nice of you! Just what I needed: a dead weight after sex

Severus: Consider yourself luky you HAD sex!

Sirius: And they say you’re not sensitive. tss-tss-tss

>>too tired to speak or think.

Sirius: Who’s asking?

Severus: Shut it!

>>Sirius seemed to be in a similar state, arms loosely holding Severus against him.

Sirius: *singing* I love you, baby... And if it’s quite alright... I need you, baby...

>>It had never been like this before. Severus: Could it be that only weird unnocupied people would imagine sex between us. *between his teeth* Not that it couldn’t happen— *realising Sirius had heard the last part* —in some alternate universe!

Sirius: You make me feel so good about my wooing powers

Severus: Wooing involves seduction, playing games— for God’s sake, it even involves ducking and hiding and escaping one time or the other!

Sirius: You seem to know an awful lot about the subject— and I’ve been seducing you, haven’t I?

Severus: Oh, yes! *rolls eyes* Now you should begin the other part of it. Duck!

Sirius: *sad look* B-b-but— We wouldn’t see each other— *sadder look* we wouldn’t touch— I don’t like that part! *holds tight to Severus, with no intention of letting go*

Severus: *slightly embaraced* Oh those wooing powers

>>Severus lay with Sirius, their bodies tangled together by bonds that were neither love nor hate,

Sirius: but something in between?

Severus: Bad choice of words.

>>but somehow a little of both.

Sirius: This makes more sense every passing moment...

Severus: Good to know someone has a clear idea of what’s going on. You can tell that this person has done this before.

Sirius: What? Had sex with men *thinking some more* or with other women, in case the author’s a woman?

Severus: I meant the fic.

Sirius: Oo

>>***

>>"Did people know... when you were at school?"

Sirius: Ok, no clue about the bad mood, the large robes or the fact that he was never seen with a WOMAN!

>>It was an odd question to hear,

Severus: You don’t know the half of it!

>>held tightly in Sirius Black's arms, wrapped in both of their robes. "Some people obviously did."

Sirius: *annoyed* Obviously not everyone!

>>"God, this is embarrassing.

Severus: Then don’t ask!

>>Did you...

Severus: ever like women? No, no and NO! How many times do I have to say it! God, can you let it go? Get over it! *goes on with the cursing*

Sirius:uhm, Severus— so that I’m completely certain of it— this is fiction, right?

Severus: *coming to his senses* Umm, of course! I was in character *suspicious look*

>>with Lucius?"

Severus: No, he likes forced incest better.

Sirius: *his attention’s on something else. He couldn’t care less*

>>"Don't you know it's bad form to ask about old lovers?"

Sirius: Then don’t answer.

Severus: I have a feeling I’m gonna answer

>>Severus shook his head. "In answer to your question,

Severus: There.

>>I never told Lucius, and he doesn't swing that way."

Sirius: You Slytherins, always so open with each other

>>"He was your best friend."

Severus: Not THAT best of a friend!

>>"Aren't you jumping to conclusions. The werewolf is your friend,

Sirius: Hei! Are you trying to insult...

Severus: Isn’t he a werewolf?

Sirius: Hum-hum.

Severus: Aren’t you friends?

Sirius: *grin* Yeah!

Severus: So what’s your problem?

Sirius: You see, I have this condition: I NEED A FUCK! And I want YOU to give it to ME! (A.N.: just seen Memento, couldn’t avoid it!)

Severus: Well, now that I think of it, A werewolf and a dog have much more in...

Sirius: Leave it!

>>and you didn't tell him, did you? Lucius and I understand each other relatively well, but we aren't exactly friends. There's a difference. And, as with all good relationships between Death Eaters,

Sirius: *laughing* Good relationships?! *laughing even harder* Between Death Eaters?!

>>I trusted him somewhat less far than I could throw him.

Sirius: Ohhh— that good a relationship!

>>That's not exactly a positive feature in lovers.

Sirius: You think?

>>And before you bother to object that you don't trust me, you do, you trust me to a certain extent in certain areas.

Severus: Talking areas after sex isn’t good policy.

>>If you didn't trust me to keep my mouth shut about this, you would never have told me a damn thing... much less... this."

Sirius: A little too late for that.

Severus: You know, the world is overpopulated but noone worries about it in the right moment!

Sirius: We wouldn’t have to worry about THAT, would we?

>>Sirius was silent for a very long time.

Severus: And the world rejoiced!

>>His arms tightened around Severus

Sirius: *arms tighten around Severus*

Severus: Off! Now!

>>when he finally spoke.

Severus: And the world mourned!

>>"I'm not used to that."

Severus: Poor gryffindor God

>>"Get used to it. We're not friends, Sirius Black, and I doubt that we ever will be. There are other things we can be, and we aren't exactly enemies... but we aren't friends."

Sirius: It seems that what we are is confused.

Severus: Not the best words to express myself.

>>It was as clear a warning as he could make it.

"No, we're not."

Sirius: We’re not what?

Severus: Friends.

Sirius: Oh!

Severus: Gotta keep up, Black.

Sirius: This is a complicated plot. The sex part is easy, but insisting on having a story

>>He couldn't read the tone in Sirius' voice, and damned but he would like to. Perhaps it was that desire that made him continue so quickly. "But if you want to see me... I'll be here."

>>Severus: So help us God

>>"You always are."

"Yes." And damning himself for a fool, he said, "Come by. I'm sure you could use a rat-free meal. And a haircut."

Sirius: HA! Haircut! *hysterical laughter* You’re killing me!

>>"You're not the world's greatest authority on hair, Severus."

Sirius: Your hair’s fame’s spreading worldwide

Severus: Shut up.

>>The well-remembered mischief was there again in Sirius' tone. After the dead look in Sirius' eyes all of the other times Severus had seen him recently, Severus was glad to see that mischief again. Still, Sirius couldn't be allowed to get away with comments like that. A well-placed caress wrung a shiver out of Sirius, and told Severus he had won the point.

Sirius: It’s official: I’m easy!

Severus: You’ve been easy since page two!

>>"Even dogs need a good brushing once in awhile, Sirius. If you come by, I'll see you get one."

Sirius: You really know how to make me feel special.

Severus: I aim to please!

>>He slid his hand lower, forcing a gasp from his lover. "And if you don't like my hair, you'll have to wash it yourself."

***

>>When the door opened on schedule,

Severus: By the way— *bangs hands and feet on the door* Dumbledore!! Let us out! Let ME out! We’re best friends now!

Sirius: Yeah! *sarcastically* That was convincing!

Severus: Shut it! It’s like you don’t want to get out of here.

Sirius: Well… Not yet!

>>Dumbledore found them standing in opposite corners, arms crossed over his chest. He sighed. He walked to the table in the center of the room

Sirius: It was in the center of the room

Severus: Speaking of which, why is that table moist, Sirius?

Sirius: Someone wouldn’t prevent it!

>>and lifted the bottle of truth potion,

Sirius: Contrary to lifting something else? Some people just like to play tough, what can I do?

>>clearly registering that it was empty.

Severus: A knack for the obvious!

>>"Any progress?"

Severus: Oh, you have nooooo idea

Sirius: Really? Was there any progress? I noticed nothing

Severus: Something must have prevented you from seeing it.

Sirius: *pout* Well, seeing as you wouldn’t do a thing to help me out

>>Snape looked at Dumbledore with narrowed eyes. "We have reached an accommodation, yes."

Sirius: You have a way with words

>>"Sirius?"

Severus: Let’s see if you can do better.

>>Black snorted. "I can work with him if I have to."

Sirius: I win!

>>"That's something, I suppose."

Sirius: That’s some extremely big thing.

Severus: I know so.

Sirius: I’m talking about me.

>>Sirius shrugged,

Severus: Dream on.

>>and headed for the door.

Sirius: It’s in the backside. *hint hint*

Severus: I don’t need your guidance, thanks. I’m not the virgin, here.

>>"Later,"

Severus: Too late, I’d say.

>>he tossed carelessly

Severus: *starts looking for the news somewhere around the corners*

>>over his shoulder

Sirius: Ha!

>>before resuming his dog shape and sauntering out.

Both: In!

>>Severus stayed in his corner,

Sirius: As if I’d let him.

>>leaning up against the wall,

Severus: *leans up against Sirius, to the immense delight of the latter*

>>hoping Dumbledore

Severus: *standing bolt upright* Is that a bucket of cold water or WHAT?

>>hadn't noticed his crumpled robes,

Severus: What robes? *looking intently at himself*

>>the fading smell of sex,

Sirius: At least I got the smell, ‘cos if I’m gonna wait for the real thing—

>>the slight hesitancy in Sirius' step.

Sirius. *whining* I don’t wanna leave!

>>"Severus, I had hoped for better from you two."

Severus: *indignant pout* Had you? Come here and show us what you can do, then.

Sirius: Eeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!

Severus: Ewww—This came out all wrong

>>He felt his lip curl into his usual sneer. "We couldn't manage

Sirius: to get it on! Damn right! We need

Severus: *interrupting Sirius* privacy would be a good start.

Sirius: Are you saying that my chances increase when we leave this room?

Severus: *silence*

Sirius: *eyes wide open* You are!!

Severus: Well—

Sirius: *does the happy dance*

Severus: Now that I come to think of it—

Sirius: *hopping up and down in a new stage of the happy dance*

Severus: We’ll never have more privacy than that we had today, here, ever!

Sirius: *freezes*

Severus: *wide smile*

Sirius: *jumps on Severus and whipes the smile off his face*

>>to be friends at school, Albus.

Severus: Is the author assuming we tried? Can you imagine how boring that would have been?

>>We probably never will be.

Severus: That’s not even a possibility.

Sirius: *flashes him the puppy dog face and starts sniffling*

Severus: That has nothing to do with our shag.

Sirius: *sighs in relief*

Severus: Good thing you have your priorities sorted out, isn’t it? You’re still gonna have to wait.

Sirius: MORE?! Why don’t you go shag a ghost, instead? They have the time to wait for you.

Severus: *gives it a thought*

Sirius: *realising what he just said* Oh, no. Don’t shit me. *grabs Severus and sends them both flying to the floor*

Severus: What the—

Sirius: *clutching him tightly* A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Mine.

>>But we can work together well enough.

Sirius: Oh, yes, we can. Right away.

Severus: *panicking* GET OFF ME!!

>>As you said, that will do to be going along with.

Sirius: No. Going DOWN. I’ve waited long enough.

>>We won't try to kill each other anymore."

Sirius: *between his teeth* Not the old way, anyway

>>With that comment, Snape walked

Sirius: No he didn’t. I can assure you he didn’t. *goes down on Severus’ neck*

>>toward the door, very conscious of Dumbledore's eyes on his back.

Severus: *panting* Not Dumbledore—not the eyes—this author doesn’t know shit.

Sirius: *hums happily*

>>If the headmaster suspected anything,

Severus: He’d come help me

Sirius: Not if he treasures his life.

>>he didn't say a word

Sirius: I’m too busy for that!

Severus: *freeing one hand from Sirius’ control* I’ll clear your schedule for you! *uses the hand in a Sirius’ very specific body part* Wanna preserve it?

Sirius: *nods a YES*

Severus: Then, L-e-a-v-e m-e a-l-o-n-e!

>>as Snape made his way out

Severus: *making his way out of Sirius’s claws*

Sirius: *jumps on Snape’s back as he was leaving* Ohh— you thought I’d leave you that fast? You can do to my body parts whatever you’d like.

Severus: *slowly turns to Sirius with a vicious smile* Everything?

Sirius: Well, many pleasant things can come out of twisting and pushing and pug ang and twisting and pulling and—

Severus: Got it!

Sirius: So?

Severus: So, what?

Sirus: Well?

Severus: Well, good for you!

>>of the room and into the hallway. Once free, Snape drew in a deep breath and let it out, then headed for the kitchens.

Severus: To get that knife!

>>He had a very large meal to order. And while he was at it, he had best bespeak a private bath and a very sharp pair of scissors.

Both: *in shock*

Sirius: This didn’t come out right...

Severus: As a matter of fact, a think it came out completely wrong!!

Sirius: I mean, it could only be worse if they hadn’t fucked at all!!

*silence*

Severus: Well?! Is this it?

Sirius: Apparently...

Severus: *huge grin* So now we can leave. I can go back to my chambers!

Sirius: *huge grin* So now we can shag! You can take me back to your chambers!

Severus: Sirius...

Sirius: You promised. Going to run away again?

Severus: *sigh* NO, but I thought maybe, just maybe, we could wait till tonight for that shag. I have some classes to teach, I have a life, remember?

Sirius: You’ll lose it if you don’t live up to what you’ve been promising, you fifth-category dicktease!

Severus: I hardly think that’s the most appropriate way of seducing me...

Sirius: I’ve been trying to seduce you for the last couple of hours. Enough. I want a shag. You need one. Now.

Severus: Is that your notion of foreplay?

Sirius: *spins around, grinds his teeth and counts to twenty. Backwards* Stop fucking up with me. Come fuck me instead!

Severus: I reiterate: is that your notion of foreplay?

Sirius: *breaks down* Ok, tell me your conditions. You promised. You said we’d do it after the fic. You promised. You gave me your word. What does it take for you to keep it?

Severus: A little more begging would be nice...

Sirius: You must be...

Severus: *grabs Sirius and forces him down on the table* But, given you’re so impatient...

Sirius: *can hardly believe he’s getting that shag at last* You’re not backing off, this time?

Severus: I don’t see why I should. *has a look at Sirius’ full-clothed body, deciding Sirius has definitely got him at a disavantage. And he swiftly makes ammends to the situation*

Sirius: *immensely delighted with the turn of events* Is your wand working?

Severus: *somewhere from the small of Sirius’ neck* Both of them are.

Sirius: *suddenly finding it hard to breath* The magical one.

Severus: *somewhere from Sirius’ chest. He’s moving too fast to take notice* Oh, yeah. You’re not trying to find a soft way of telling you prefer that to the real one, are you?

Sirius: *pant pant pant* No, I... I was just wondering if you could use it to...

Severus: *delighted for having found Sirius’ navel* Hmmmmmm?

*there’s a small noise somewhere around the door. The boys add to it with some noises of their own*

Sirius:...transfigure this table into ...

Severus: *licklicklick*

Sirius: *moving to a world all of his own and dragging Severus along*

Severus: Forget it, you’re not going to need a thing...

Prof. Dumbledore: Ahem. I don’t like to enter without making my presence know, but you didn’t hear my knocking, so I figured I’d better see if you were both still alive.

Both: *stunned*

Prof. Dumbledore: *coming out of the shadow* Am I interrupting something?

Severus: *regaining as much composure as he can when he’s half-naked and serving as a blanket to Sirius* No, of course not...we just...we just had a couple of differences concerning the end of this most completely unrealistic fic and were...hmm...sorting things out. *straightens in the meanwhile*

Sirius: *astonishment slowly turning to rage*

Prof. Dumbledore: Oh, you didn’t like the fic, then? But was this the only difference you two had during this time here?

Severus: *accioing his clothes as discreetly as he can* Yes, we...we behaved, Albus. We’re both still alive, aren’t we?

Sirius. *wondering if the Headmaster would mind being the target to an Avada Kedavra*

Prof. Dumbledore: So, are you ready to leave? *cheerful tone* Good! Severus, you can take the rest of the day off, I think you’ve had enough. Sirius, Harry’s in my office...

Sirius: *finally settling for Cruciatus* Is he?

Prof. Dumbledore: ...and he’d like to see you...I think he wants to check on you...to see if you’re all right.

Sirius: *just remembered Avada Kedavra can be used on more than one person at the same time* NOW?

Severus: *very quickly* Sure! You don’t want to keep your godson worried, do you? He probably thinks I’ve just killed you. Move on, go to him. See you later. You too, Albus. *flees the room dragging an erupting Sirius with him*

Prof. Dumbledore: Oh, and... boys...

Severus: Yessss?

Sirius: *trying to decide whether or not Severus’d get him back in Azkaban if he aimed and shot just now*

Prof. Dumbledore: I’d like a report on that story...mere formality.

Severus: Of course.

Sirius: *fumbling for his wand*

Prof. Dumbledore: But...hmm...I know that’s nothing of my business, but...erm...*gesturing to somewhere around their waists* ...isn’t that a bit of a peculiar place to keep your wands in?

***

A/N: Sequel ("Oh! you said Snape! I thought you said snake!") completed. Thanks for the kind reviews, and, Slashy, no, it doesn't hold a candle to your MSTs, but these two pout and we just can't resist them.
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MST of Not Quite Good Enough To Be Going On With