Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

To Have Not	By : MontanaDan Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 22763 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Title: To Have Not

Author: Montana Daniels

Sequel to: To Have and To Hold

Pairing: HP/SS, HP/LM with various implied pairings

Rating: NC-17 (overall)

Genre: Slash, romance, some humor, first time, angst and AU as I�ve made up events in their 6^th year and am using only selective canon of OoP.

Warning: Existing relationship, angst, Mpreg in the future

Spoilers: All five books

Series: To Have

Betas: DJIN

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Universe and all its wonderful characters belong to JK Rowling and odd conglomerate companies. No money is being made.

Summary: Lucius takes advantage of Harry�s vulnerable emotional state, offering him a marriage of convenience to protect Harry from the media and to regain Lucius� family status. Outraged, Severus tries to win Harry back. Features a snarky, patronizing!inner voice and Slytherin manipulation. The fight for Harry�s heart begins.

Author�s notes: Snape�s inner voice was inspired by Diagonalist�s �Flawed lines� and used with permission. If you haven�t read her work, she is the queen of the inner voice and a wonderful author. Her fics are archived at: http://www.geocities.com/diagonalist/fics.html.

Other Author�s notes: This is a Snarry, I assure you. We will see more possessive Snape and sarcastic, cynical Harry.

Enjoy and don�t forget to review.

To Have Not

Chapter 2 � Conferences

"Good thing you re-surfaced when you did," Ron was saying. "People were saying that you�d go off and become the next Dark Lord."

Harry sighed, stretching out in his lounge chair. Hermione re-adjusted the huge beach umbrella over their heads for the hundredth time since they had arrived at Sirius� beach house.

"Oh, Ron," she retorted, resettling into her own lounge. "That�s ridiculous."

"He is powerful enough," Ron argued.

Harry snorted, reaching for a bottle of butterbeer. He waved a hand over it, instantly chilling it and took a sip. "I killed Voldemort with love," he told them blandly. "I�d have to have a lot of hate to take Voldemort�s place." Harry took another swig from the bottle before continuing. "And I�d have to have never known love."

"True."

"And do you, Harry?" Hermione asked. "Do you hate?"

Harry turned a questioning look to her. He could see the concern in her expression.

"Snape - I mean," she specified.

Harry considered the question. Did he? "I thought I did for a while," he admitted. "But, no. I can�t. He hurt me, but�" he trailed off.

"That�s very mature," Hermione said.

Harry gazed out towards the ocean, watching the waves break. "I never realized how alone I used to feel," he said. "But whenever Severus was in the room I never felt lonely." He looked at Hermione. "Does that make sense?"

Hermione nodded sadly.

"You do know it was all fake though?" Ron asked carefully.

Harry nodded.

"Then how can you not hate him?" Ron just didn�t get it.

"Because I was happy," Harry said and saw them both move to speak. "No. Listen to me. I know the whole thing was a lie � an elaborate manipulation to make me feel loved so I could defeat Voldemort and live � but it worked and I did feel loved. And I was happy. I know it was all a ruse, but I wouldn�t trade those memories � those feelings � for anything."

"It�s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," Hermione quoted, looking teary eyed.

"Yes," said Harry. "Exactly."

"Doesn�t sound that great to me," muttered Ron.

"I know what it feels like at least. I may never get it again, but I had it once."

"But it was a lie." Ron was getting angry now.

"What I was feeling wasn�t though, Ron," Harry insisted. "My feelings were true and happy. My feelings were true," he echoed softly. He cleared his throat awkwardly. He had sworn to himself that he wouldn�t get emotional over it. "Which isn�t to say I wouldn�t hex him into next week if he said anything about me to anyone else," Harry added.

Ron chuckled darkly, looking unsure if Harry were serious. Harry grinned at him.

"I think I�m more angry at myself for being so stupid," Harry told them.

Hermione patted his arm then reclined back into her lounge. "There will be someone else. Don�t be so hard on yourself."

"No way," Harry said adamantly. "I�m not setting myself up for that again."

Hermione sat up. "Harry-"

Harry�s harsh glance cut her off. "Just let it go, Hermione," he warned.

Hermione sighed. "The whole thing just doesn�t make sense to me," she murmured. Harry ignored her although in truth, it didn�t make sense to him either.

Ron made a production of putting on sunscreen, finally managing the spell to evenly distribute the charm over his skin. "To prevent more freckles," he said.

"So what will you do now?" Ron asked.

Ron had accrued enough N.E.W.T.s to proceed with one particular strain of the Auror training, while Hermione was going on to University to study � well everything � in more detail. Neither one have them had entered into a serious relationship yet either.

"I don�t know," Harry shrugged, grateful for the change in subject.

"What about Quidditch?" Ron said hopefully. "You do have several offers."

Harry hummed noncommittally. "Not until I get rid of these headaches."

"Still getting them then?" asked Hermione with concern.

"Yeah. There�s an apothecary in town that makes the stuff for me."

"You could make it yourself," Hermione pointed out.

"No," Harry said. "I don�t want to. Besides I�m not setting up a lab in Sirius� house," Harry added, not mentioning that it would be just too painful to work on potions now.

"True," Ron said.

"What about cursebreaking?" Hermione suggested. "Or you could teach. Like you did with the D.A."

Harry shrugged.

"Or you could write," Ron said. "At least people would know that you actually did the stuff you wrote about."

Harry grinned. "I�ll think about it."

"There�s always the old stand by," said Ron.

Hermione sat up, looking over Harry at Ron. "What stand by?"

Ron looked at Harry. "New �Dark Lord�, of course."

Harry laughed. "Sure, Ron. I�ll put an advert in the Prophet: New Dark Lord seeks minions for world domination."

Ron snorted and Hermione giggled.

"You could always advertise yourself as the new �Light Lord�," Hermione quipped. "When your minions were bad, you could smite them with curses of joy and love."

Harry just sighed and listened with fond amusement as the two went off on the pros and cons of being a Dark Lord or a Light Lord. Finally, he cut them off.

"Either one sounds like too much bloody work," Harry said, rubbing his temples. "I�m tired of working so hard for everything. Extra lessons all through school, doing extra potions to keep away the visions, then finally facing him again to kill him."

"You�re right," Ron muttered. "You deserve a break."

"I just want to relax a bit."

"Become a man of leisure?" Hermione asked.

"Why not?" said Harry. "Don�t you think I�ve earned it?"

"Of course."

"You could travel," Ron suggested. "See the world."

Harry sighed. "I don�t think I�d enjoy it by myself. These stupid headaches don�t help either," Harry said. "Besides, now that Sirius has the whole of his inheritance, we can stay together," he continued. "Maybe we can actually get to know each other." He looked at his two best friends, who had been with him through almost every adventure, good and bad. "Him and you two are all I�ve got."

Hermione looked touched. Ron turned red.

"Well there�s Remus too," said Hermione.

"Yeah, Remus," Harry said with a sigh as he leaned back again.

Both his friends turned to look at him then. "What�s wrong?"

"Don�t you like Remus?"

How did he tell them this one? "It�s just that since we moved out here, Remus has sort of moved in," Harry told them. He felt horrible for feeling jealous and resentful of them. But he couldn�t help it. They were so obviously �in love� and happy to be together, that Harry couldn�t help his envy, not the mention that it seemed to occupy all Sirius� time that he had little time to spend with Harry alone. He didn�t mind doing some things with Remus but it usually made him feel like a third wheel.

Harry was infinitely glad that Ron and Hermione hadn�t become a couple. He didn�t think he would have been able to handle it.

"Harry, are you saying that Remus and Sirius are a couple?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded.

"And you can�t help feeling jealous and left out?" she surmised, again correctly.

Harry looked away. "I know it�s petty and immature but-"

"Oh, Harry," Hermione started but was interrupted as Ginny popped around the umbrella toting all her stuff since she wasn�t yet allowed to do magic outside of school.

She dropped the load next to Ron, sending sand flying and huffed, "Thanks so much for the help you guys!"

"Hey," Ron returned, brushing sand off his legs.

Ginny flopped unceremoniously down on the blanket before them. "So what�s new?" she asked, grabbing a butterbeer and holding it up for Harry to chill.

**********

Severus studied the small main street of the town from the end of it. What the hell had he been thinking?

Find Harry and see if he�s alright.

Oh yeah. The bloody brat.

Your bloody brat who you can�t stop thinking about.

Well, Severus couldn�t seem to get those words from the paper out of his head: "medical requirements and headaches."

Severus didn�t want Harry to be hurt. He wanted Harry to be happy. Contrary to what Albus thought, Severus had tried on several occasions to see Harry since that first day he woke up. That had been part of the problem, forcing Severus to see all that Harry could have�

~~~~~~

(2 weeks earlier)

Severus stormed down into the dungeons.

Should have hexed him.

He slammed the outer door of his chambers.

You�re getting soft.

Severus frowned. He just couldn�t go around cursing �celebrities.� Despite his intense desire to reduce that mangy gorilla-like creature to its primate form, he simply could not. The buffoon had hovered over Harry all week since they were introduced the day Harry had awoken, and today he�d brought that other ones� mother. How was Severus supposed to compete with that: a rock star and a famous Quidditch professional?

Oh, rubbish.

And then there were the others. Benefactors and bankers and solicitors and celebrities.

Well, you did say Harry deserved the best.

Severus froze mid swing. The dragon�s blood had almost been victim to his temper - again. Harry did deserve the best.

Let�s not meander down that well-trodden path again.

But Severus� thoughts couldn�t help their journey.

But Harry wants you.

Harry could do so much better.

He - doesn�t � want - to.

The brat�s too innocent to know what he wants. I�m the first one to touch him. I introduced him to passion, unlocked his sexual promise.

Right. And then you�ll go all Gryffindor and do the noble thing and step aside?

Did Severus hear an �inner snort?�

You would not be able to stand seeing Harry with someone else. Look at yourself over just the attention he�s getting now.

Harry deserved the chance to live now, really live. Now that the Dark Lord was no longer a threat to him, he deserved to travel, go to parties, attend all the professional Quidditch games that he wants.

And just why can�t he do all those things with you?

Because Severus had tried to visit Harry and, every single time, he was surrounded by �esteemed guests�, or Ministry people, or the press, none of whom, Severus could abide.

By the end of the week, Severus was even more convinced that Harry wouldn�t even miss him. He was surrounded by rich beautiful people�

How many times do you have to hear Harry call you beautiful until you believe it?

�who could show him the time of his life, if he didn�t have baggage like Severus clinging to him.

Severus just didn�t fit in. And he never would.

~~~~~~

However, that didn�t mean Severus had to give up looking after Harry. If he could find him. Logically, the wizarding community would know the name Sirius Black. Even here in the States, they would have heard about him. Even the Muggles had been brought in on the search for Black. And they sure as hell would know Harry Potter. But Severus did not want to simply walk up to someone and ask if they knew where Black lived.

He would not jeopardize his secrecy.

Even if the small beach community was willing to protect their privacy or if they were incognito, there were other ways to find them. Severus had been a spy for twenty some odd years, after all.

Severus had deduced that in order to facilitate the making of Harry�s headache potions, there must be an apothecary nearby. He would find it and continue surveillance until he caught sight of Harry or any of his usual entourage, or heard anything that would point him in the right direction.

Harry could make them himself.

Severus doubted that he would. Harry would not want to spend his �relaxing time� sweating over a cauldron. But, if he did, he would need ingredients. The local apothecary was the best place to start.

He strolled through the town, looking for all intents and purposes like he belonged there. Glancing in windows, he noticed all the normal wizarding shops one would expect in a magical town as well as a small branch of Gringotts. He restrained himself from entering the bookstore. He observed the town folk, most of them dressed for the climate, which was hot and humid, but some were robed, which was why Severus didn�t feel conspicuous in his charcoal gray summer robe.

Is that Lupin?

Severus ducked into an alley then peered back out. It was Lupin. No wonder Black took an interest in the properties in America. They had laws against werewolf discrimination here.

Severus shuddered. Lupin and Black together again?

Poor Harry, forced to watch that syrupy pair while nursing a broken heart.

He reminded his inner voice in a not so polite manner that it wasn�t supposed to be talking to him, pulled out Harry�s cloak and surreptitiously followed Lupin up the block.

The hinges on the door to the apothecary shop were poor, which enabled Severus to slide in behind Lupin unnoticed. It was a small shop, but what it lacked in quantity it made up for in variety. It seemed to have everything a potion maker would want. There was a clear view from the door to the counter where a man around Severus� age worked behind a cauldron.

"Hello Wally."

The man looked up from his brewing and smiled. "Remus. Good to see you again." He lowered the flame under the pot and covered it. "Mr. Potter�s Potion is ready." He moved to the other end of the counter and retrieved a large jar.

"Very good although I don�t think it will help," Lupin said.

"I did make it to specs," Wally the potion maker said.

Lupin nodded. "I�m sure you did. It�s just that I have a modification for something different."

The potion maker glanced down at the parchment Lupin handed him and frowned. "I�m not sure if I can make this. It�s rather complex. I may have to send it out, but I�ll have it as soon as I can."

"Whatever you need to do. Harry wants that particular recipe."

"Of course." Wally nodded. "I�ll take care of it."

"Thanks, Wally. I�ll need a supply of Wolfsbane as well."

"Yes, I have the order."

"Good."

They made some superficial small talk as Severus made his way toward the door to make sure he was there when Lupin left. This Wally person was making potions for his Harry.

Not exactly yours anymore.

Severus had scrutinized the man�s credentials, which were displayed on the wall. While suitably accredited, Severus wasn�t sure he liked the idea of Harry ingesting anything he hadn�t personally made.

Should have thought of that before you broke his heart.

Severus was really starting to despise his inner voice.

******

Merlin save him, he�d become a stalker.

Shut it. You need to see that Harry is safe.

Severus adjusted the cloak as he made his way around the side garden of the bungalow turned cottage. Following the sounds of chatting voices and loud music, he found the wooden deck behind the structure.

Dozens of people sat around round tables with umbrellas, sipping drinks and laughing amongst themselves. Severus wondered if Harry even knew any of them.

Probably friends of Black and the werewolf.

Severus agreed as few of them appeared to be Harry�s age.

"Sirius!"

Severus startled as two men approached the fence not three meters away from him. They were waving exuberantly and calling Black, who finally noticed their theatrics and walked towards them

Severus moved downwind of the Animagus to avoid detection.

Black himself looked dashing in his shorts and t-shirt, the negative effects of Azkaban finally starting to fade from his appearance.

He always was a dish.

Severus smirked. A truly arrogant bastard but yes, quite fetching. Severus had always considered that if James Potter had ever had even an inkling of homosexual tendencies, they�d have been shagging.

"So, Siri, dear," one of the men, and Severus used the word loosely, began. "Where is this �famous� godson of yours?"

"Now, El, be nice," the other one chastised mildly. "Sirius said he�d be here today. I�m sure we�ll meet him soon."

Black looked as if he was struggling to maintain his patience. For once, Severus could sympathize. Couldn�t Americans do anything less � flamboyantly?

"He�s on the beach with his friends," Black said. He turned towards the expanse of sand that stretched out after the wooden deck. "Harry!" he shouted.

While Black screamed, Severus found an advantageous position to watch. It was the perfect opportunity to observe. The other two leaned hopefully against the fence as they strained their eyes to see the figure now approaching them.

Severus� eyes were drawn to the form as well. Wearing only swimming trunks and a towel rolled and draped around his shoulders, the young man was seemingly in perfect health.

Interesting choice of words. I would have said-

"Oh, yummy," El of the flamboyant nature said, all but cooing.

"Sirius, don�t tell me that divine creature coming our way is your godson?"

Harry reached them and while both of Sirius� neighbors were removing Harry�s swim trunks with their eyes - which Severus wanted to remove with a hot poker - Harry looked to Black.

He does look divine.

Too divine, Severus considered. Lovely tanned skin stretched over muscles that Severus was quite familiar with but the face, the exquisite features were fuzzy. Severus had cast a �See All� charm on his eyes while he had been following Lupin. It enabled him to see if magic was enhancing any particular item. And Harry�s face had definitely been enhanced. And it wasn�t a glamour to conceal his identity as his scar was still quite noticeable.

"El, Simeon," Black said, "this is my godson-"

"That isn�t Harry Potter?" said El, the twit.

Harry�s gaze lifted to the man and Severus was able to discern a smirk.

You know he wants to make a sarcastic comment.

Severus did know it, but Harry didn�t make it.

The humble shy smile bloomed on his face and he merely nodded.

Harry Potter standard expression #4.

Simeon reached out a hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Potter," he said. "Sirius has told us a lot about you."

"Except your name," El added excitedly. "Or how hot you are." The last was said with something of a leer.

Severus� hand twitched on his wand but he restrained himself as he noticed that Harry didn�t shake the offered hand. Harry only stared at it a moment then looked up at Simeon.

"It�s very nice to meet you as well," Harry said politely.

Simeon closed his hand and drew it back, his face a combination of surprise and insult.

"You�ll have to excuse Harry," Black intervened quickly. "Since his last confrontation with Voldemort, Harry doesn�t like to touch anyone."

WHAT?

Instant pity appeared on the faces of the neighbors. Idiots.

"Some sort of curse?" El asked in horror. Obviously it was a fate worse than death not to be touched.

Harry looked away, out towards the Atlantic. "Something like that," he murmured.

But Harry loved touching. After a lifetime of nothing, every skin to skin contact he ever had with Severus, Harry had preened with pleasure over.

What did you expect, you bastard?

"Harry?"

All four men looked towards the glass doors at the back of the house where Lupin stood.

"There�s a cross continental Floo call for you."

Harry called back that he would be right there and turned to the others to politely excuse himself. When he was out of earshot, the imbecilic neighbors immediately pummeled Sirius with prying questions.

Severus ignored them, in favor of watching a smiling Harry move toward the house, greeting people on his way to the door. Not one person lifted a hand to touch him, shake his hand or pat his back. Lupin said something to him and Harry nodded and went through the door, sliding the door closed behind him.

This was supposed to make Harry happy?

Severus didn�t listen. It was temporary. Harry would snap out of it soon enough. All he needed was one of the �beautiful people� to focus his attention on him and Harry would be fine.

You keep telling yourself that.

"Who is it?" Black asked as Lupin joined them, wrapping his arms around Black�s waist.

At least Black is asking pertinent questions.

"Malfoy," Lupin announced with a grimace.

"Again?" Black said. "Remind me to hex him next time we see him."

Malfoy? Which one?

Lupin petted Black�s hair in a sickening gesture of comfort. "Don�t get worked up over it," he said. "He�s not allowed out of the country, so we won�t be seeing him any time soon. Nor will Harry," he added pointedly.

Lucius! What the hell did he want?

You know what he wants.

*********

Harry looked down at the snake wrapped around his arm. Its head curved up from his wrist to stare at back at Harry, its tongue flicking out.

~What do they call you?~ he asked.

The snake tilted its little head. ~Call me? I am just me.~

~I have to call you something.~

~If you must.~

Harry racked his brain. He had taken Hedwig�s name out of A History of Magic. Gilly�s name was also from a book. He shoved those thoughts aside and tried to think of some good wizarding type names. Merlin? A snake named Merlin? Pretty silly. Something Slytherin, maybe, considering the gifter. Voldemort? He almost laughed out loud. No, although it might be amusing for the shock factor. Severus would have appreciated it. He pushed that thought away. Saruman? Seemed appropriate in his current line of thinking, and from a book, although no wizard would understand it.

~Saruman?~ He tried it out on the snake.

The snake hissed purringly as Harry stroked his head. ~If you wish, Master.~

Harry looked back to the Floo. "Thank you, Mr. Malfoy," he said sincerely. "I�ll take good care of him."

Mr. Malfoy looked a little strange suddenly. His eyes didn�t seem to quite focus on him. "I�m certain you will. I will call you again with the location for our meeting."

Harry nodded and Lucius Malfoy disappeared from the fire.

Stroking his new pet absently, he moved back out into the yard. The attention he�d been getting from the elder Malfoy confused him. It was never really anything specific, just so much of it.

He could almost hear Severus� voice in warning. Don�t be an idiot. He�s a Slytherin. He wants something.

Harry agreed with that thought. He just couldn�t figure out what Lucius Malfoy could possibly want from him.

"What�s that?"

Harry looked up. His friends all stood around him on the patio. The smells from the grill were starting to get stronger so Harry guessed it was almost time to eat � finally. He couldn�t wait to get some peace.

The rest of the Weasleys would be joining them soon but after the meal, the rest of the guests would be leaving.

"That is a snake, Hermione," Ron said smugly. "You being so smart and all, I�m surprised you didn�t know that."

Hermione rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. "Honestly, Ron."

Harry grinned at them. "It�s a Viperine Snake. Mr. Malfoy gave him to me for my birthday," he informed them. "He said an acquaintance of his breeds them for the eggs."

"Oh yes," Hermione piped up then. "Viperine eggs are useful in quite a few potions."

Harry did know that, but didn�t comment on it.

"So what�s his name?" Ron asked leaning closer to study the snake.

"He didn�t have one," Harry said. "So I named him Saruman."

Hermione giggled. "That�s cute, Harry."

Harry grinned at her. "Well, I was thinking about calling him Voldemort, but�"

Ron choked.

"Anyway, Malfoy said it was a good investment," Harry continued. "When this one is bigger, he said he could arrange to get him a mate."

"What else did Malfoy want?" said Sirius, edging closer to them. Remus glanced at him with surprise, and Sirius added, "Well I�m sure he didn�t firecall all the way from Britain to give Harry a birthday present."

"He wants to meet with me," Harry admitted, glad for once that he had a bunch of people to give him advice.

"What?"

"Why?"

"He says that until his trial, he has a lot of spare time and he�s offered to help me organize my finances. You know, guide me on some investments and such."

"I�ll bet," Sirius said with a snort.

"That�s really not a bad idea, Harry," Remus said thoughtfully. "As you�re not sure what you want to do yet, investing would be a good way of putting your money to use. It will give you an income and secure some for the future."

Harry nodded.

"And no one could say the Malfoys don�t know how to make money," Remus added, looking at Sirius to dare him to try.

Harry shrugged. "I know." He sighed. "I agreed to meet him, but I�m not sure how much advice I�ll be able to use. I�ll listen, though, and maybe I�ll learn something."

"That�s a good idea," said Hermione. "You can always use his advice with a different broker."

"Well, I wouldn�t trust him," said Ron.

Harry spared him a grin. "I don�t."

"And don�t agree to anything," Hermione added.

"And for Merlin�s sake, don�t sign anything," Sirius said with conviction.

Harry forced a laugh. "Please, give me a little credit," he said. "Now do you think we could eat? I�m hungry."

********

Lucius stepped away from the hearth and closed his eyes. Nothing could have prepared him for that. He took a deep breath, his hand falling to his swollen cock. Watching those full, sensuous lips form the sibilant language of a serpent was even more erotic than Lucius had imagined. Hearing it was as arousing as he�d expected but Harry Potter was far more enticing than the Dark Lord.

Power radiated from Potter, and the beauty of his face and form was undeniable, especially displayed so temptingly�all that smooth skin.

The boy had agreed to meet with him. No, the man. More so than his son. Draco was of age but he didn�t have the experiences in his past that Potter had. Potter�s trials had left their mark by way of maturity and a somewhat knowing gleam in his eyes.

Potter�s face gave nothing away, which impressed Lucius. But he considered himself experienced enough to wear through the boy � man�s � defenses.

And then there was Severus.

**********

Severus circled around the wooden deck as the group sat down to eat. The smells were effecting his stomach and he just hoped his hunger didn�t give his presence away. Drawing on his resolve from days gone by, Severus settled down nearby to listen. Harry spoke little through the meal, which he began quite heartily but quickly diminished to simply pushing his food around on his plate. As if he had lost his appetite midway through the meal. Watching him carefully, Severus could see no change his expression or demeanor. His mask was firmly in place or the glamour was maintained flawlessly.

I�d say a combination of both.

Severus agreed.

Just after dessert was served, Harry excused himself and Severus followed, his sense of unease heightened. Soundlessly, he circled the one story abode, glancing in windows and listening intently.

Hearing an ever soft groan, Severus approached a window. It was a small bedroom rather cluttered from what looked like a hasty unpacking job. It didn�t take long to spot Harry, leaning heavily against a bureau, an empty vial clenched in one hand, the other, fisted, the heel pressed firmly to his forehead.

I knew it. He�s in pain.

Before Severus� eyes, Harry slowly sank to a seat, hugging his knees, both hands pressed to his face.

A gentle knock sounded and Harry�s chin jerked up.

"I�ll be right out," he said roughly.

"Are you alright?"

Lupin.

"I�m fine," Harry assured but he didn�t sound fine. Severus leaned closer towards the open window. Harry�s face was a mixture of torment as he tried to reconstruct his mask.

"I�ll be out in a minute," he called.

"I�ll get Sirius."

Harry turned his face toward the door and Severus gasped at Harry�s tortured face. The mask and glamour gone, his eyes were worse than they had been the first time Severus had caught him leaning over a cauldron in his lab. Shadowed and red rimmed and glassy, but behind the pain was emptiness.

You bastard.

"No, I�ll be right out," Harry said softly toward the door, but there was no answer. Burying his face again, Harry groaned.

Sirius came in, took one look at Harry and disappeared into an adjoining room. He returned with a flannel, a vial and a goblet. Kneeling down beside the younger man, Black forced the contents of the vial into Harry�s mouth, watching until he swallowed it all. He held the goblet up and Harry took a small sip. Harry stared intently at the cup for a moment, then Black took it and placed aside. Holding the damp flannel against Harry�s forehead, he drew the small form into his arms.

"You should have said," Black cooed, rocking Harry against his chest. Harry said nothing. Severus swallowed thickly, watching the scene.

You should be the one comforting Harry.

Severus swallowed his longing.

He would be turning to you for relief from his pain.

Severus swallowed his guilt.

He could be with laying in your bed, while you wiped his brow and eased his suffering.

Severus swallowed his bitterness. But Severus was a fool.

You pushed him away for what? So that he would wallow in misery, refusing all touch, all closeness.

Severus swallowed his regret. It wasn�t his place anymore.

So that he could be alone?

Severus turned away from the window. Harry wasn�t alone. Black was there, as well as Lupin, Granger and Weasley.

You saw his eyes. He is alone. His heart is empty.

Severus began walking away from the house. There would be plenty of loves and experiences to fill it.

You keep telling yourself that.

**********

A week after his birthday, Harry was ushered into the private room by a nice young woman who didn�t ask questions and who didn�t seem to notice Harry�s scar. Harry had agreed to meet with Lucius Malfoy but only on neutral ground. They had decided that a private room at the Ministry library would suit their needs and Malfoy had arranged it.

The room was cozy without being intimate and functional for a small number of people to gather to discuss business in a comfortable environment. It seemed perfect to Harry, who wandered around room, glancing at the bookshelves as he waited for Malfoy to arrive.

Harry hoped he didn�t intend to bring Draco.

The door opened and Harry turned towards it as Lucius Malfoy entered the room. He almost stepped back. He didn�t remember Malfoy being quite so tall, or broad. Actually, he was breathtaking. Why hadn�t he noticed this while he was in the infirmary?

Probably because he had Severus at the time and no one else mattered.

But if Draco had looked like this, Harry would have had a lot less difficulty in pretending their relationship. Maybe Harry just had a thing for older men. Recalling the kiss Draco had inflicted on him in the great hall, Harry wondered if father and son kissed the same.

No. He was not thinking along those lines. He didn�t care that Malfoy�s entire demeanor screamed power and class and his body cried out strength and domination.

Harry didn�t need it, didn�t want it.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Potter."

"Mr. Malfoy," Harry returned, inclining his head.

"Did you have a good trip back?" The older man asked, indicating a chair at the table as he set a case on its surface and sat down in another chair.

Harry shrugged, moving to the table. "It wasn�t a big deal," said Harry.

Malfoy looked up. "Oh? Did you Floo in?"

Harry placed his own papers on the table and sat down. "I Apparated," he said.

Golden brows arched. "Apparated?" he said with the start of a smile. "Overseas?"

Harry just looked blankly at him, then drew forth his humble/shy mask and averted his gaze. "It wasn�t that hard," he muttered.

Malfoy chuckled. "You must forgive me," he murmured. "I sometimes forget the power you have mastered at such a young age."

Harry shrugged. "You wanted to talk," he prompted.

Lucius summoned a bottle and two glasses and poured their drinks. "There is no reason why we should not adhere to civilized pleasantries." He looked up and smiled elegantly. "And I do wish to thank you for your promise to speak to the Wizengamot on behalf of Draco and myself."

Inclining his head, Harry said, "I�ll do what I can."

Lucius smiled again, and Harry blinked. It was truly a magnificent sight. Harry had loved Severus� smile too. Perhaps it was because Severus� smiles were so rare, making them precious.

Malfoy began to shuffle through some of the papers Harry had brought with him. They were some of the reports from the bank. Harry admitted that he wasn�t sure what half of it meant as the Goblins were a precise lot. It was like being bombarded with too much information.

"So have you thought at all about what you would like to do with your life?"

Harry shrugged. "Not seriously," he admitted. "I�ve just been so bloody tired."

"Well, there really isn�t any serious need for work," Lucius commented, looking down at some of the documents Harry had shown him. "You have plenty of assets. Invested properly, they could leave you living well for the duration of your life."

Harry only nodded.

"Of course, adding a spouse and children will change that," Lucius said.

"I�m not worried about that," Harry said.

Malfoy looked up. "Surely you want a home and a family."

Harry looked away. "I doubt that�s something in my future."

"Isn�t the Savior of the wizarding world expected to settle down with wife and kids?"

Sighing, Harry took a sip of his drink. It was mulled wine, and quite tasty. "Even if my preferences ran as such, I�m not really interested in complicating my life any further," the surprised look from Malfoy made him add, "Not right now, anyway."

"I see," Malfoy said with a smirk. "So the rumors that you were serious about someone at school were false?"

"What rumors?" Harry fought to keep his temper. Was Malfoy fishing for information? Bloody Zabini was always asking about Harry�s love life too.

Malfoy swirled the liquid in his glass. "Perhaps �rumors� is a poor choice of words," he admitted. "Draco had implied that you had been in a relationship."

Harry blinked. Draco?

Malfoy read his surprise as a denial. "Perhaps it was just quick thinking on Draco�s part then," he said cryptically. "It is the excuse he gave to the Dark Lord."

Catching on, Harry nodded, "He used it as a stalling technique."

"Yes." Malfoy eyed him again. "So there isn�t anyone?"

Harry stood up. "NO!" he said loudly. "What is the bloody interest in my love life anyway? I�m not in a relationship now, nor do I want one with anybody. Is that enough? Would you like diagrams?"

Malfoy�s look of surprise calmed Harry immediately. He was about to apologize for losing his temper when the older man burst out laughing.

Harry stared at him from across the table. What the bloody hell was so funny?

"I�m sorry," Malfoy said, once he had reined his mirth. "I did not intend to provoke you."

Harry eyed him suspiciously. "So what�s so funny?"

Malfoy continued to smile. "You managed to get your point across," he admitted. "And I can appreciate your honesty, even if it is somewhat sensitive topic."

"Oh," Harry said softly, reseating himself. "Everyone is just too interested in my love life," he muttered.

"I can image," Malfoy said. "And I do not blame you for your anger." He moved a couple of parchment rolls around the table. "Now," he went on, "let�s take a look at these, shall we?"

Harry tried to pay attention to Malfoy�s little analysis of his financial holdings but it really was over his head. He really didn�t have a head for numbers or for the subtleties of projecting where the markets were going. He should have brought Hermione.

He did feel some amount pride in his WWW investment, especially after Malfoy made an approving comment about it.

"So what do you suggest?" Harry finally asked.

Malfoy shifted some parchment again. "Well, for someone starting out, one might suggest small investments in secured markets, such as taking stock in well-established companies like the Wizarding Network or the Quidditch League. But as you already have a well rounded portfolio, you could afford to take some risks with some of the dividends you�ve already stockpiled."

Lucius went on, but Harry was getting confused again. He dutifully wrote down some the corporate names that Lucius said might be wise investments as well as some figures he might want to start buying with. It all seemed frightfully dull.

"Or you may just want to find someone to handle everything for you, an advisor or broker. Or marry into a family with an already solid financial standing who has their own financial handlers."

Harry ignored yet another reference to marriage, although his teeth were close to grinding. "Do you have the names of some of these advisor institutions � reputable ones - that maybe I could get some literature from?"

"Of course." Lucius handed him a detailed list, which included references and some of their existing clients.

Looking over the list, Harry couldn�t help being impressed. "Wow," Harry said and he looked up at Malfoy. "Did you do this for me?"

Malfoy smiled again and lifted his brows. "I did mention my boredom, I believe."

Harry couldn�t help his grin. "I guess it must be pretty awful."

"It is. I am relatively all alone now, especially while Draco was at school."

"What�s Draco going to do now?"

"Nothing until he is cleared, but after that I think he has plans to apprentice abroad," Malfoy informed.

"So, you�ll be alone again?" Harry asked with understanding.

Malfoy met his gaze and Harry saw � something � in it.

"Not for too long, I hope," Malfoy said.

*******

Watching Potter � Harry � leave, Lucius couldn�t help the smile that split his face. Severus had dumped him. It was too obvious not to put the signs together. And there was no doubt in his mind that it had been Severus now either. The discovery had been quite amusing.

The boy was heartbroken, that much was clear. It had obviously been a shock, which meant that Severus� damned insecurities must have kicked in suddenly and intensely. He simply could not fathom why Potter would want to stay with him and thought the only recourse would be to make the break cleanly before things got out of hand. Add to that the fact that Severus despised public scrutiny. He couldn�t abide fools and he certainly considered most of the wizarding world exactly that. Severus had also always been incredibly possessive, and it surprised Lucius that he would let the boy go. On the other hand, Lucius considered, it would have been worse for Severus to watch the adoring fans fawn all over Potter.

Still, the break had clearly devastated the younger man. Lucius would have to work around his aversion of romantic interest now. He would need to offer Potter what he needed while still making it appear to be an even trade. Potter � Harry � was not stupid and he would certainly expect any offer from Lucius to have provisos.

One thing was certain, Harry Potter was the ultimate fantasy; powerful, beautiful, sensual and a Gryffindor to boot, which meant once Lucius had him, he�d be faithful and loyal. Quite simply, Harry was the best the wizarding world had and Lucius Malfoy always prided himself on having the best of everything.

This would be no small endeavor. Lucius had to be willing to make sacrifices but the prize would be worth it.

**********

Leaving the building, Harry couldn�t help but think about Severus. Lucius Malfoy was incredibly handsome, but Severus had always been the most beautiful thing on earth to Harry. Harry wondered if he would still see Severus that way now.

Would Harry look at him after all the cruel words and broken feelings and see the greasy, large-nosed git, or would he see the beautiful, passion ravaged lover?

Harry wasn�t sure he wanted to know. He�d managed to avoid Severus entirely while he was at Hogwarts taking his N.E.W.T.s, but he would certainly see him at the Death Eater trials. Facing Severus again would be a trial in itself.

Harry rubbed his face as he moved to the Apparition point. Malfoy�s advice had sort of left his head spinning. He imagined that he�d have to talk with the man again. Not that it would be any hardship on Malfoy, who was clearly bored out of his mind. Still, that little voice that still sounded suspiciously like Severus�, told him that Malfoy wanted something.

Harry wished he could talk to Severus about it.

Closing his eyes briefly to stop the sudden burning, he swore under his breath, then cleared his mind of all things Severus in order to Apparate.

Constant vigilance.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

To Have Not