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Tablula Rasa	By : FallenEmbers Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 2912 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Tabula Rasa Part 1/?
Author: Fallen Embers
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Eventual H/D, RW/HG, Draco and nature (you�ll eventually understand this, I promise)
Warnings: language, some OOCness, angst, voyeurism, death (of the hateful grudge kind)
Spoilers: Um, let�s just say all of the books just in case.
Beta: EmeraldFireSnake, Thanks Jenn!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter universe or any characters associated with it as it all belongs to J.K. Rowling. Nor do I profit in any way from it in any way other than the joy I get from playing around with these characters.

AN: This was written before HBP, but I waited to post it because I was tweaking it a little, just so you all know.

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Draco sighed as he rolled out from between his black silk sheets, yawning as he summoned a house elf and ordered the pathetic creature to draw him a bath before gathering his belongings and packing them for the school year. Shaking, the elf answered dutifully with a �Yes, Lord Malfoy, Sir� before bowing and disappearing with a quiet �pop� to complete the tasks assigned. It was a few minutes after the house elf left that the title and its meaning finally sunk in.

Lord Malfoy.

Distracted with his hollowed out mother and his plans for revenge, he had failed to notice how the house elves had been addressing him all summer. They had always addressed him as �Master Draco�, and only the head of house was addressed as �Lord Malfoy�. With his father locked away behind the hellish walls of Azkaban, Draco was no longer seen as just an heir and future patriarch, but had in fact succeeded his father as the head of Malfoy Manor and his family.

Feeling a slight flutter of pride in his heart, Draco dressed in his finest robes, a deep rich ebony with silver stitching, and decided to leave his hair loose, which he had allowed to grow out during the summer and now reached his shoulders. Brushing his platinum locks in place, he laced up his boots and decided to visit his father�s study, well his study now.

Stepping into the sunlit room, he was surprised that he didn�t run into his mother on his way here. Sighing, he moved to sit into his father�s soft, black leather chair, inhaling the faint aroma of vanilla cigars that still lingered within the room. True he and his father had never been close, but he had spent a lot of time with the man, learning every lesson that was taught to him like the heir he was. While he did not love Lucius, he had grown to respect him with every bone in his body over the years, and as his father�s son and heir would thus carry out his last request with pride.

Pouring himself a small tumbler with finely aged brandy, he sipped it slowly as he mentally ran through his plans for this coming year, his blood boiling with anticipation as he pictured his first victim: the red haired, short tempered Ronald Weasley. His father�s pale, elegant face flashed before his eyes and a sinister smirk bloomed on his face as he visualized the withering, pain filled body of the Weasel in his death bed. He couldn�t wait to begin.

Finishing his drink Draco stood up to make his way to the dining room where the elves would have breakfast ready, and his mother would be silently sitting in her seat, mechanically eating her food. His smile wilted at the sobering thought, and he began walking towards the door when a flash of silver caught his eye. Leaning up against the side of the mahogany desk was his father�s ebony walking stick with the silver snake head, the inside now empty as his father�s wand had been destroyed by the Ministry. Respectfully, he reached out and ran the tips of his fingers along the smooth, cold metal, feeling a small twist in his gut as he was faced with another reminder of his father�s permanent absence. Hearing a small �pop� behind him, he turned to acknowledge the elf that was now in the room.

�Breakfast is ready in the dining room, Lord Malfoy. Lady Malfoy is already seated and awaiting your arrival.�

He gave a small nod to Tael*, the head house elf and only elf to be educated in speaking correctly as it was in charge of greeting and taking care of any personal needs of their guests when they had any. �I will be there shortly,� he answered curtly. Tael bowed and vanished with a small �pop�. Turning back to the cane leaning on the desk, he stared at it a moment longer before coming to a decision. Since he was now seen as the new head of house, he would complete his changing appearance to suit his new position. He reverently grabbed the cane and ran his fingers over the family motto that was engraved down the staff: �Fortuno est Facio�. He pulled out his wand out from his robes, securing it within the small clasps in the silver snake head and replacing the metal back on the ebony walking stick, feeling a small ripple of power shoot through his body as he took his first steps with the small staff.

He looked into the mirror that was hanging by the door and felt a small flutter of satisfaction ghost across himself as he gazed at his reflection. His elegant, aristocratic face was fair and handsome, his gray eyes cool as steel, platinum locks long as still in place, and he proudly stood tall with his father�s cane. He was a pure, proud Wizard, the newly stated head of the Malfoy house, and he would grow into the man his father had personally taught and raised, and no one would dare challenge him if they valued their life. He would make both his father and mother proud.

That last statement was running in his head as he entered the dining room, giving his mother a small smile and waiting to see if he could get any positive reaction out of her. The reaction that his appearance caused, however, was not the one he had been expecting.

Narcissa shrieked.

It was more than a simple scream, it was full of unspoken pain, sorrow, and rage and it stuck a chord of fear in Draco that he never knew existed, and he was unprepared as she launched herself across the elegantly dressed table, knocking him flat on his back as she began to slap at his face and tear at his clothes, her ice blue eyes crazed and wild.

�No, no, NO! LET IT END WITH YOUR FATHER! I WILL NOT LOSE YOU TOO, DRACO! DO YOU HEAR ME? I WILL NOT LET HIM HAVE YOU TOO! I HAVE LOST TOO MANY LOVED ONES TO THAT DEMON AND I REFUSE TO LOSE MY ONLY CHILD TO IT ALSO! I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF IF THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOUR HEART!� she yelled, her jeweled bangles filling his ears with a tinkling sound with the force of her blows before she finally stopped to frantically dig within her robes before she finally extracted her wand from the silky, navy material.

Horrified, Draco had to dig deep inside himself to find the strength to move, finally raising his arms to grasp her pale, slender hands before they could land another hit on his face, or worse, paying close attention to her dainty, yet quick, right wand hand, that was tightly clutching her willow wand. He tasted blood on his tongue, and felt a warm path trekking down the side of his mouth, and he looked at her through disbelieving eyes. His mother was straddling him, hair disheveled as her body trembled from head to toe, chest heaving with her ragged breathing, and her haunted eyes frantic and full of sorrow, striking the newly discovered chord within him with a stronger vibe. Moving slowly, but still holding onto her wand hand, Draco slid his free arm around her waist to support her as he moved to sit up.

His heart broke at the sight of her face contorting into a mask of concentrated pain and sorrow before falling limp against his chest, sobbing into his robes as she released her wand into Draco�s possession before wrapping him up in her tight, motherly embrace. Refusing to let go of her wand, he returned her embrace, rocking her and rubbing her back in soothing circles, shedding his own tears into her lavender scented hair.

After a long time had passed, her sobs quieted down into soft whimpers and Draco raised her delicate, tear stained face to look him in the eye, and he was both gratified and terrified of the bright spark of life that once again lit her slate blue eyes. �What was all that about, mother?� he softly whispered as he gently moved platinum tendrils away from her face, tucking the loose strands behind her ears like a small child.

Fresh tears filled her eyes and cascaded down her porcelain cheeks as she raised her hands to cup his face. �I will not lose you too, my precious dragon. I refuse to stand back and allow that bastard demon, Voldemort, to suck out your soul and the humanity within your heart.�

�I will not lose my humanity mother, at least never towards you. You will always be in my heart, and no one will ever have the power to remove you from it, not even the Dark Lord.� He flinched as her eyes hardened and she raised her hand to strike him again, and he swiftly reacted, catching her hand in mid strike.

�Don�t you dare address that vile creature as your lord! You will not join him. I will kill you if I must, Draco, and you will have to kill me if you insist on living just to sell your soul to the devil,� she choked through her tears as she moved to stand, still allowing Draco to hold her hand.

Appalled and completely disarmed, Draco dropped her hand as she continued to look down at him with a hard stare, her features schooled in the Malfoy stance: cold steely eyes, expressionless face, and slightly upraised chin and straight back. Only her tears gave away her pain and heartache, and he pushed himself up on shaky legs to face his mother�s demons.

�I will not lose my soul, and I will never kill you. I could never hurt you,� he vowed, taking a step towards her. �I do not understand where your anger is coming from, mother.�

She responded with a bitter laugh, tears continuing to cascade down her cultured face. �You stupid, foolish child! You have no idea what you would be getting yourself into, do you? You sound just like your father. He was once as young as you are now, and just as arrogant. The same pretty words came out of his mouth then too, but he argued that he was just trying to conquer those who were obstacles in his path, so that he could provide a comfortable, prosperous life for his family. And do you know what happened, dear heart? He lost his soul, and I once again had to witness the death of another beloved. His heart grew blacker than sin, and the light of his spirit died in his eyes. He became bitter and cold, and the only important matter in his life was the vengeance he craved against those he could not defeat. I lost him, Draco, just as I lost my parents, my dear cousin, Regulus, and my sister, Bella, who was heartless enough to slay her own blood, to that monster. I�ve watched him take my family from me and annihilate their humanity and I will be damned if I lose my son, my only child, to the hate filled clutches of that deluded psychopath!�

�I am nothing like your psychotic family, mother, and I am certainly no longer a child!� Draco barked, feeling his legs stabilize in his anger. �I am the Lord of this household now and I will honor my father by upholding our family values as he taught me! I will restore our family honor and make sure that it is never shamed again!�

�Lord of the household? No longer a child? The hell you aren�t! Lord you may be now that your father is gone, but you are and will always be my child!� Narcissa shrieked, taking a step toward her stubborn son. �As for your father�s teachings, you will bring nothing but bring more shame on this family if you follow his black road and you will lose your soul on the way!�

�How many times must we go through this? I am not going to lose my soul, or my humanity. In fact the only thing I will lose is a handful of enemies that have been nothing but thorns in my side for years, along with the stain that they made on our family!�

The last word had just left Draco�s mouth when Narcissa stepped in front of him and slapped him hard enough to throw his head to the side. Draco slowly turned to face her, touching his fingertips gingerly to his bruised face, as blood trickled from a wound on his lip where the delicate flesh had been scraped across a tooth. Narcissa�s eyes were filled with fresh tears as she steadily looked at him, her eyes filled with blue fire.

�I knew as soon as you walked through that doorway, acknowledging your title by flaunting your father�s image with the tailored robes and your longer hair, and then you throw in his damn walking stick to top everything off. Do you know what stood out above all of that, my precious dragon? Your eyes. They were so beautiful at one time, so full of life and light, so full of love. And when you walked in here today, they were completely dead, and it was like looking at your father all those years ago, and I knew that you had chosen to walk his path. I saw your eyes begin to dim that last day when he was sentenced, and I know he told you to do something terrible before they took him away, that he must have given you one last order, and I beg you with a mother�s love to please turn away from it, turn away from him! Please just put all of the darkness behind you and live out your life Draco!� she cried as she clasped his hand between the two of hers, her eyes filled with hope.

�I will not be able to live until Harry Potter has paid for what he�s done to our family!� Draco roared, tearing his hand from his mother�s grasp. �That bastard has done nothing but humiliate me at every possible moment since the day he walked into my life, and it sickens me the way the Magical community looks to him like he�s their goddamn savior. And now he has ruined our family by having my father sent away and tainting our proud name. No, I will not rest until I have broken him in every way possible, and I have his lifeless body lying at my feet!�

�Listen to you! Even now your father is trying to use you as his tool for vengeance!� Narcissa challenged her eyes bright with anger. �Harry Potter has nothing to do with your father�s fate! Your father�s choices finally caught up with him and he is now suffering the consequences of those choices! He sent himself to prison because he chose to follow Voldemort again, and he chose to follow his Master�s orders and attack Harry Potter, a mere boy, and kill him if he got the opportunity. All Potter did was fight back in self-defense, which I would have expected no less.

�As for your childhood animosity, that was all due to your choices, dear heart. You chose to follow Lucius� orders and befriend Harry Potter for no other reason than to spy on him for your father, and you lost that chance because he saw through your arrogant fa�ade. As for everything that occurred after that, are you to tell me that he instigated everything? Because I know for a fact that it was you, because you chose to follow your father�s instructions and torture the poor boy every chance you got.

�If anyone has a right to feel wronged, it is that poor soul. You see, unlike you Draco, I was �privileged� to be told the details of every horrible ordeal that child has had to suffer at the whim of that vile creature you so casually referred to as the Dark Lord, and suffer he did. I know the gory details behind what happened to his parents, and I�m ashamed to say that your father was present in that attack, helping to distract Harry�s father so that he would be overwhelmed and fall faster under Voldemort�s attack, and he was also present when that bastard successfully resurrected his withered, but able body with the aid of Harry Potter�s spilt blood. Lucius would have killed him without a single regret, a child as old as his own son!

�Is that the man who you want to idolize? Is that the kind of man you want to become? Because if that is truly what you want, then as painful as it may be my dragon, this is where we part ways. Today after I drop you off at the train station, I have a meeting with your Headmaster, Dumbledore, and I am going to pledge my life to the movement against Voldemort, even if it means sacrificing myself to save Harry Potter�s life. So if you are going to plot against Harry, then you are in a way plotting against your own mother, which means that you are my enemy.�

Dismayed, Draco watched numbly as his mother bent down to snatch her wand from the hand that still held it, her passionate argument sinking into him and flowing through his veins like an anecdote for his burning hatred. He had never stopped to consider anything from Potter�s point of view; he had never cared to find out if there was any truth in Potter�s tales, sure that Potter was nothing but a lying attention seeker. He had never questioned the actions of his father, even those he knew his father did behind closed doors, and the thought of his beloved mother considering him her enemy made his stomach turn violently. He looked at the strong vision before him, as his mother hardened and slipped into the dueling stance, her slim, elegant arm lifting above her head as she raised her wand, taking a step back in a clear challenge even as her sorrow spilled out within her tears.

�If you are indeed against me dear heart, then perhaps we should end this now with a proper duel, one to the death. I already told you that I would kill you myself to save you, and if we are enemies, then you may one day have to face me on the battlefield, so you should have no problem facing me now. Now is the chance to practice those damn curses your admirable father taught you in his lessons,� she spat. �I wonder which one it will be. Will you attempt to skin me alive, or will you make my heart explode? Or will you have the gall to try one of the more vicious curses and torture me violently before you watch me die? How will you attempt to kill your own mother?�

Swallowing hard to dislodge the lump that had developed in his throat, Draco dropped to his knees and buried his head in his hands, crying for the first time in years for everything he had lost, for every pain that had been inflicted upon him and his mother, and for the hate filled path his father had walked that had destroyed him, the very same cursed road he had wanted Draco to walk. He even shed tears for every pain he had so maliciously caused to so many people over the years, all for the sake of his father�s vengeance. He thought on his own twisted plans of vengeance and it opened up a flood straight from his heart. Had he really been ready to so something so callous, so malicious as to kill blameless people to sate his blood lust?

He heard his mother join him not a second after, feeling her wrap him within her warm embrace as she cried along with him, soaking his hair with her tears. �That�s it beloved,� she encouraged, �just let it out. Let it all out and rid yourself of the poison your father has fed you since the day you were born. Step out of the shadows and back into the light.�

And Draco took that step, cleansing his heart with his tears.

When Draco had cried himself dry, he withdrew from his mother�s lavender scented embrace and lay his head in her silk covered lap, something he hadn�t indulged in since he was a small child. He sighed at the soothing, familiar feel of his mother�s fingers gently carding through his hair. �Why did you allow it to happen at all? And for so long?� he rasped when he managed to find his voice.

�Because, Poppet, there some lessons that you can only learn through experience, especially when it comes to those you love and respect. I discovered that the hard way. You see I didn�t always feel the way I feel now. I grew up believing every foul and hateful thing that came out of my parent�s mouth, every bit of the spoiled, privileged child I appeared to be. I never really knew love until I met your father, and believe it or not, he was the one who opened the door in my heart.

�My Lucius was a different man than the father you know, Draco, a gem hidden within a pit of vipers. Of course like me he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but unlike me, he grew up with some genuine affection from his mother which planted a seed within him, blooming into a rare, beautiful flower that was exotic and unknown to me and drew me with its intoxicating scent. While he was not exactly kind, he cared for those who meant something to him, and I know he loved me in the beginning. At least until my parents got a hold of him and corrupted him with their hateful views, poisoning his mind with their malicious intent until he practically threw himself at Voldemort�s feet begging to service and please him like he was a whore. And my parents stood proudly behind him throughout it all, blessing our marriage. At that time even I approved of what I then believed to be a good choice, greedily hoping that through his association with Voldemort our family would rise above them all.

�That was until the man I had come to love began to fade away, and I watched the flower that was his heart wilt until it was dry, leaving behind its decaying corpse, opening my eyes to the madness that had surrounded me my whole life. My parents were half crazed and obsessed with death, drawing in my deranged Aunt that tried to push my poor cousins within that bastard�s service. Sirius, bless his foolish brave soul, was the only one who took his stand and renounced Voldemort to any and everyone who tried to make him see otherwise. Regulus, his younger brother, did not have his brother�s courage, and he followed the same path that Lucius walked, only to be killed a month later when Voldemort found out that Regulus could not stomach the work of a Death Eater, which Lucius informed me without batting an eye. And of course you know of my sister, Bellatrix, another victim of my parent�s hatred. Everything you�ve ever heard of Bella is true I�m sad to say. She�s quite mad, and as far as I�m concerned, she is no longer human.

�I died as I watched my family fall apart, and I don�t know what I would�ve done in my grief had you not blessed me with your presence, dear heart. Except deep in my heart I knew you would just be used as another pawn, that I could do nothing about it short of taking you out of the world I brought you into, and I decided that I had to allow it, if only so you could one day comprehend both sides of the coin, to show you that you had a choice, no matter what it would be. As you know, I raised you with as much love as I was allowed, giving you more when I knew your father wasn�t looking, and I never lost my faith in you, Poppet, even when I believed I was losing you, just like I never really lost faith that my Lucius would one day return to me, at least not until I finally understood that he was beyond my love and forever lost to me, and I realized that the night he returned to Voldemort�s side turning a deaf ear as I begged him to stay with his family, to stay with me.�

�Would you really have tried to kill me, mother? Would you really have taken the chance in a duel if I had accepted? Knowing that I could�ve killed you?�

�Yes.�

�I was planning on following father�s orders,� he quietly confessed. �I wanted to please him.�

�Did you?� she coolly remarked.

�What I had in mind - what I had planned - I was ready to do it. And it would have broken us both.�

�I know.�

They stayed there on the dining room floor for a long time afterwards, allowing the soothing silence to seep into them. Draco turned the entire event and revelations around in his mind, wondered at the way his heart felt lighter, as if a huge boulder had been lifted off of it. Could it be that he had never really seen the entire picture, that everything he had ever believed had been wrong? That his hatred toward Potter was pointless? Surely he was missing something if his own mother, daughter and wife of loyal Death Eaters, claimed to have suffered and witnessed enough terrible ordeals that she was willing to throw her efforts in fighting Voldemort and his followers at the cost of her life; especially if she was willing to sacrifice her life for Harry Potter�s.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy as his mother continued to play with his hair, humming a familiar tune, and he smiled when he recognized the melody as a song she used to sing to sleep when he was a little boy. Distantly, he heard the grandfather clock chime in a new hour, and he was startled when it stopped after the tenth stroke. That meant that three hours had passed since his confrontation with his mother, and he was due at the train station in about two hours if he wanted to catch the train to Hogwarts.

As if reading his mind, Narcissa sighed and stopped caressing his hair, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. �Come now Draco,� she began as she helped Draco sit up, �you better go get cleaned up and make yourself presentable. I�ll have the house elves prepare you a light brunch so you can eat before you leave.�

Draco stood up and held out a hand to gently pull his mother to her feet, startled when he realized that he had passed her in height and didn�t even realize it. Placing his hands on her petite, slender shoulders, he looked deep within her lovely, slate blue eyes, feeling his love for his mother singing in his heart. �I - I want to thank you, for raising me with enough love to counter father�s hate, for showing me both sides knowing that you still might lose me, for giving me a choice. You may not have always been the person you are now, but I�m glad that you were, because I love you for the woman who had the courage to walk the path she was forbidden to follow.� He returned his mother�s watery smile and leaned down to place a light kiss on her forehead, wincing at the pressure on his bruised, split lips.

He pulled back and with a sad smile Narcissa raised her wand and began casting healing charms to his battered face with a whispered, �I�m sorry.�

Placing another kiss on her forehead, Draco softly shook his head before turning to change and freshen up before his trip back to Hogwarts. He picked up the ebony walking stick from the floor where it had landed on his way out of the door, cringing as he felt his mother�s disgust for the object from where she stood at the center of the dining room. Giving her a small nod, Draco left, stopping by his father�s study before returning from his room. Opening the door, he slowly walked inside the now darkened room, feeling a shiver cascade down his spine at the chilled atmosphere.

With a heavy heart, mourning from all the joy, love and life that would be forever lost to both his parents and himself, he slowly walked to the cold fireplace, lighting it with a whispered, �Incendio.� With one last reverent stroke down the wooden shaft, Draco removed the protection and preservation spells from it and gently threw it into the small fire, looking for a moment before maximizing the spell by ten and watching as the cane was reduced to grey ash and molten silver within seconds, burning away his remaining anger and hatred, leaving him feeling empty and hallow.

He stood there for a moment, looking at the physical remains of what was left of his father�s presence, and he couldn�t help but feel like he had in a way finally cleansed himself of his father, and maybe his mother as well. Fighting back the tears that had welled in his eyes, he quickly walked out of the room, shutting the door and placing a heavy locking charm on it as he walked away, closing the final chapter of his jaded childhood.

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Draco sighed as the carriage drew closer to the train station, and he felt his stomach twist in knots with the knowledge that things would be different this year, and that in a sense, this would be his first real year at Hogwarts. He wouldn�t have to live up to his family name anymore, and he finally had the chance to just be Draco, even if he wasn�t sure who Draco was just yet. But he was more than excited to have the chance to find out.

�Draco, remember what we discussed. Go to school with open eyes and take the opportunity to see those you saw as enemies for who they really are. Chances are, you might find that you actually like what you discover about them,� Narcissa smiled as she leaned forward and took Draco�s hand. �I want you to know that especially includes Harry Potter, Draco. I know your past relationship with him has been anything but friendly, but please try to look beyond that, my dragon, and try to mend the broken path between you both.�

Draco squeezed her hand as his heart throbbed painfully in reply, and he suddenly found himself needing to voice the secret he had been carrying for years. Feeling a blush paint itself on his cheeks, he lowered his eyes and gazed at their clasped hands as he started to speak. �I�ve wondered, more than once, what it would have been like had Potter reached out to take my hand that day. I wonder what could�ve been between us if there had been no complications, if I wasn�t fenced in by father�s boundaries, by his hate filled barriers. I wonder what could have grown between us had I not been a Malfoy, had I not been under father�s influence to live up to the Malfoy name.

�Would we have been as close as he is with Weasley? Would he have let me try to keep him from getting himself in trouble like Granger, even if he doesn�t listen to her? Would he have defended and protected me like he does them both? Would we have come to love one another like they love each other now? Could I have been someone important to him despite the family I came from? Would I have learned to look past who I was to walk by his side despite of it?�

Narcissa�s heart went out to her son as his words fell from his lips like an unanswered prayer. How was it that she had never considered that he had wondered about such things? Was that one of the main reasons why his hatred of Potter had festered as quick as it did? She looked at her son, and her heart filled with a mother�s empathy as she saw the wistful, sorrow filled expression on his face. She knew a way to ease his pain, but only if he was committed enough to follow through with it until the end. With her free hand, she raised his chin and looked him in the eye. �There is a way, Poppet, if you really want to know. It�s a healing ritual that was once used by people who had lost someone dear to them and had left things unsaid. It was mainly used by those who had had a falling out with someone, and lost them before they were able to make amends. It�s very complicated, and was only used as a last resort, due to the fact that some found it difficult to let go even after the ritual had run its course. It was only used so one would be able to die peacefully without unanswered questions and open wounds on their souls, so that they would pass on and not linger as a ghost.�

She stopped at the hopeful light that had begun to glow in Draco�s eyes, hating that she was about to witness it fade. �But it must only be used as a last resort, Draco, when you�re ready to finally say goodbye to someone, and if all goes well, you will have no use for it by the end of this year. It is my deepest wish that you and Harry will be able to overcome your differences and forge if not a friendship, then a good, solid acquaintanceship.�

With a heavy heart, Draco nodded and gave his mother�s slender hand one last squeeze as he released it and turned to look out of the window, her words rolling in his mind. He would love to find out what could�ve been, but not if it was only to say goodbye. Hopefully, his mother was right, and he and Harry would come to some kind of understanding. Feeling slightly better about the coming year, Draco�s heart lightened and he lost himself in the passing scenery, the green shades of nature that filled his vision reminding him of Harry�s eyes, as he slowly lost himself to sleep.

He awoke sometime later as his mother slowly shook him awake, and Draco reluctantly opened his eyes as the dream he was lost in slowly faded within the sunlight. He couldn�t quite remember what it had been about, and all he could recall was a dark, enchanting shade of vivid green�

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Draco sat up and stretched before following his mother out of the carriage. Stepping outside, he straightened out his silk, azure robes to make himself look more presentable. Offering his mother his arm, which she gladly took, he took a deep breath and took his first step towards the Hogwarts Express with his newfound freedom.

Bad habits, however, were hard to break, and he couldn�t help but walk past everyone without so much a glance as he made his way to the platform. It wasn�t until they had crossed into the other side that Draco really allowed himself to become aware of his surroundings as he heard a familiar voice filter through the air.

�Will you hurry up already, Hermione?! Ron and Harry are already on the train!� Ginny yelled as she sprinted towards the train at warp speed, pushing past anyone who got in her way. Draco watched as Hermione struggled to catch up to her, carting an armload of monstrous, heavy looking books.

�Ginny will you wait up?! I decided to bring the extra books after all and I need some help!� Hermione cried as Ginny disappeared into the train. Draco watched as the black leather strap holding the books together busted under the heavy weight, sprawling all over the floor, causing the bushy haired girl to lose her footing and fall on top of the pile of books on the floor.

Hermione went down with a soft cry of surprise, scraping her hands on the concrete when she tried to brace herself against the fall. In the past, Draco would have laughed at her, making her embarrassment ten times worse than it already was, but that Draco was long gone, grown up and past his childhood stupidity. With a slight nod to his mother, he patted her hand that was on his arm before moving to go offer Granger his help.

He approached her cautiously, keeping in mind that his help might not be wanted given their past experiences with one another. He recalled the slap she had given him in his third year when he had provoked her anger by speaking ill of the hippogriff that had been sentenced to die at his father�s request. He smiled as he realized it must�ve taken some real guts to attack a Malfoy like that, and it was no wonder she had been placed in Gryffindor despite her studious ways.

Allowing the smile to remain on his face, Draco slowly approached her, feeling his smile widen at the soft curse that escaped from her. Kneeling down, he offered her his hand, his heart speeding up at the gesture, as she got up from the ground and sat back on her heels.

Without looking up, Hermione took the offered hand, obviously belonging to a male, accepting the offered assistance as she was helped back onto her feet. �Oh, thank you! It�s nice to know that there are still some men who haven�t forgotten the fine art of chiv-� the remainder of the sentence got stuck in her throat as Hermione looked up at the helpful �gentleman� and right into the fine, cultured, smiling face of Draco Malfoy. Unable to either move or speak she frantically searched the platform with wide eyes, hoping that someone would miss her on the train and come looking for her right now.

Both amused and saddened by the look of horror on Hermione�s face when she realized who had helped her, Draco struggled to keep his smile in place as he slowly pulled out his wand from his robes, which caused her eyes to widen even more. Slowly, he picked up her right hand and performed a healing charm on her palm, repeating the action on her left hand before replacing his wand back into his robes and bending down to pick up her books.

Completely speechless and stunned, Hermione stood there and examined her palms as Draco bent down to gather her books. She watched with wide eyes as Draco shrunk her heavy books and placed the small stack into one of her hands, which she still held up.

�You must have forgotten that you could shrink your heavy load in your haste Miss Granger,� Draco smiled. �But it happens to the best of us, so don�t feel too bad,� he winked. Hermione felt her mouth drop open at his friendly, casual demeanor, and almost dropped her books when Draco gave her a slight bow with a polite, �Madame� before he walked back to his mother, who was smiling and glowing with pride.

She watched as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, something he had never done in the past, before boarding the train, his azure robes flowing elegantly behind him. The sound of the whistle calling for the final boarding filled her ears, and Hermione took off with her lighter load as fast as her feet could carry her. Quickly boarding the train, she ran through the corridors until she finally located the compartment that the others were sitting in by spotting Ron and Ginny�s red hair through the unclothed windows.

Relief flooding every bone in her body, Hermione threw open the compartment door and slammed it shut behind her, sagging against it as she slowly slid down the floor, white faced from her shock. Harry and Ron immediately flew to her side, pulling her into one of the seats as they bombarded her with twenty questions.

�Hermione, what�s wrong?� Harry asked, his green eyes full of concern. �You look like you�ve seen a ghost!�

�M-malfoy,� she stammered as she stared at her palms, slowly coming out of her shock.

�What did that ferret do, Hermione?� Ron barked, as he searched his robes for his wand. �I swear if that bastard did something to hurt you I�ll kill him!�

�N-no, it wasn�t anything like that, Ron,� Hermione replied. �He�s different.�

�What do you mean he�s different?� asked a bewildered Harry.

�He helped me,� she answered.

�He did what?! What the hell are you talking about Hermione?� Ron blurted.

Hermione then proceeded to tell them the event that occurred on the platform between her and Draco. When she was finished, all three of her companions were staring at her with open mouths. Harry recovered first, his emerald eyes burning with suspicion as he ran through the story with a fine toothed comb.

�He�s up to something, he has to be. There�s no other reason why that bastard would act civilly towards any one of us otherwise.�

�Harry�s right,� Ron agreed. �That damn ferret has wanted us to fall on our faces since the first day he saw us so he could kick us while we were down. He must be planning something; maybe some kind of revenge for his father.�

�Possibly,� Harry agreed. �But if that�s the case, then the bone he has to pick is with me.�

�He�s a fucking coward, Harry, you know that. He�ll try to get to you through one of us,� Ron added, his hand closing into a fist.

�What if you�re wrong,� Hermione protested. �What if something happened to him this summer that we know nothing of? My God Harry, he was so sincere, and I saw him kiss his mother, who was smiling also. What if they both have a chance to breathe now that Lucius is in Azkaban?�

�Don�t be stupid, Hermione,� Ginny snapped. �This is Draco Malfoy we�re talking about. Those people are born bastards, and that is something that will never change. You�ll see when he makes his traditional visit before we reach Hogwarts.�

�I think you�re all wrong. You weren�t there, and you didn�t see the light that was in his aura.�

�What the hell does that mean?� Ron laughed. ��Light in his aura� my ass. This coming from the girl who believes that everything that has to do with Divination is complete trash. Really, Hermione, I think you hit your head when you fell. You should lie down and take a nap. Maybe when you wake up you�ll see some reason.�

�I don�t think I�m the one who can�t see reason, Ronald,� Hermione huffed. �Everyone deserves a second chance, everyone, even Draco Malfoy. The lot of you are so full of hatred for him that you refuse to even consider the possibility.�

�How can you sit there and defend him, Hermione?� Harry asked. �He�s been nothing but a total asshole towards you since day one, calling you �mud blood� and basically shouting out to anyone who will listen that dirt is worth more than you. How the hell can you even think about giving him a second chance just because of some little show he put on for everyone?�

�Because I felt his sincerity!� Hermione exclaimed. �For the first time since I�ve met Draco Malfoy, he was completely without the Malfoy mask. I saw it and I felt it, and until I see proof that it was all farce, then I�m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.�

�Then you�re dumber than I thought!� Ginny yelled �You may be book smart, Hermione, but you don�t know anything about reality, and you sure as hell don�t know how to tell the difference between a bastard and a real person. I didn�t know you were that desperate for attention.�

�Is that so? At least I�m able to tell when someone isn�t interested in me!� Hermione countered. �But by all means, please continue to pine away in your unrequited love, Ginny, and keep believing in your hopeless fantasy that one day Harry will turn around!�

With that, Hermione gathered her belongings and stormed out of the compartment, slamming the door behind her. Ginny�s face was scarlet as she turned away from the inquiring eyes of Ron and one embarrassed Harry, gathering her remaining dignity before she politely excused herself from the compartment.

Ron sighed as he bent to pick up the shrunken books that Hermione had overlooked in her anger, placing them in his robe pocket. �Do you think maybe she has a point?� he questioned.

�Hermione can believe whatever she wants,� Harry replied. �I for one am not letting down my guard. Besides, Ginny had a good point. Malfoy will be making his rounds here pretty soon. Maybe then we�ll be able to figure out what the bastard�s up to.�

�Sure, Harry,� Ron sighed. �Look, about what Hermione said, if you�re scared that I won�t approve of you seeing Ginny -�

�It�s nothing like that, Ron,� Harry replied. �Hermione�s right about me not feeling anything for Ginny, and I�m sorry if I hurt her because of it, but really, you can�t make someone desire you. I love her, just like I love Hermione, and you, and the rest of your family, but I don�t love her like that, and I don�t think I ever can seeing as how I don�t like girls.�

�You don�t like girls?� Ron choked. �Then you�re telling me that you�re��

�Gay. Yes Ron, that�s what I�m telling you, and if you have a problem with it I suggest you tell me now so I can leave peacefully.�

�No, it doesn�t bother me, Harry, really it doesn�t. I�m just confused. I mean you went out with Cho, and you were crushing on her pretty bad.�

�Yeah, well, I guess you can say I moved past all of that. I was confused about the way I felt about her because only one other person had ever made me feel like that, only at the time I didn�t know what to think about it.�

�Oh, yeah?� Ron asked. �Who was that?�

Harry smirked. �Oliver Wood.�

�Are you serious?!�

�Yep, and it finally dawned on me just what it was I was feeling not too long after Cho and I had our little argument.�

�I think I�m going to regret asking this, but what do you mean by that?�

�Well, let�s just say I was having one of those dreams one night, and instead of Cho, it was Oliver, and I don�t think I�ve ever had such a lovely dream. And now, I have some fuel for my fantasies, if you know what I mean.�

�Ugh, I knew I was going to regret asking that,� Ron moaned.

Harry gave him a tired, weak chuckle. �Well you did ask. So, is there anything else you want to ask me?�

Ron began twisting his hands. �Well, I just wanted to ask you how you are doing, I mean with losing Sirius and everything.�

Harry�s expression darkened. �I don�t want to talk about it, Ron.�

�Yeah, but Harry you have to otherwise it�ll just fester inside of you and eat you from the inside out.�

�I don�t want to talk about it, Ron. What can you not understand about that?�

�All right, fine, but if you -�

�If you tell me that you�ll be there if I need someone to talk to, I�ll hex your balls off. I don�t want to talk about it, and don�t make me make you feel sorry for asking, Ron,� Harry threatened.

�Fine, just know I�m here when you�re ready,� Ron growled. �Now if you�ll excuse me, I�m going to find Hermione and return her books.�

Harry sighed as Ron stalked out of the compartment, leaving him completely alone. His heart clenched painfully and his stomach twisted in knots as Sirius� face flashed in his mind, his throat burning as the tears threatened to fall. It was his was fault, and along with Bellatrix and Voldemort, he had Sirius� blood on his hands. If he hadn�t been so stupid, if he had just listened to Snape and put up with his bullshit. If only he had remembered the damn mirrors and not ran after Voldemort�s illusion without some kind of conformation of it, Sirius would still be alive, and he wouldn�t have the three ton boulder pressing onto his heart, growing with each trip Harry made back in time, combing through all of his faults.

He could still see the shocked expression on Sirius� face before he fell into the Veil, his long, ebony hair framing his handsome face as he went through the opening. He remembered how Sirius had always smelled like freshly washed linen, with a hint of apples, and how he always had one of those bright, contagious smiles of his ready for Harry when they saw each other, and how he had finally started laughing again after all those months of silence, only to be silenced forever by his stupidity�

He reached into his jean pocket and pulled out the cracked mirror, clutching it to his sorrow filled heart in his pain. If only he had thought things through, if only he had listened to Snape, if only he had remembered the mirror, if only�

He felt the tears he had been fighting finally well up and fall from his eyes, leaving hot trails of sorrow on his face, the only evidence of his pain. Lost in his painful thoughts, Harry forgot all about Draco Malfoy, Hermione, Ginny and Ron. As he drowned within his sorrow of Sirius� death, he forgot to lock and ward the door, and missed the elegant figure that stood outside of the door, his pale hand pressed against the glass in silent sympathy and comfort.

*****************************************************************

*Tael - one of the fairies from Majora�s Mask

Fortuno est Facio: roughly translates into �To prosper is to sacrifice.�
I almost forgot, but I would like to thank everyone who left feedback in the prologue. Your comments are very much appreciated, and I enjoy reading them. Thank you for taking the time to feed my muse with all of the wonderful comments!
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