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Burdens of the Heart	By : innocentimp Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 4562 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don�t own anything you recognize. I wish I did.

Author�s Note: Hi all. Here is
chapter two. As far as I can predict
there will be three or four more chapters similar to this one. Unfortunately they are a little tedious, as
they don�t have any Sev/Harry goodness.
But I do feel they are necessary to properly set the tone. I hope you will all stick with me. And I hope the background will add to the
overall plot. Thank you to all those
who have reviewed, I greatly appreciate it, and I hope to start responding to
those soon. As an aside, I post in many
places, but generally as I am very busy I will usually update first on my Live
Journal.

Thanks so much to my ever-patient beta Sereneseer! I torture her with my commas and she never
complains.

Happy reading!

Six Months Later�

Grimmauld Place was quiet, and mostly empty of occupants. Order members were becoming increasingly
busier, protecting their own families as well as continuing to lead much of the
effort against Voldemort. Harry had
been spending quite a bit more time at Grimmauld as of late, mostly researching
and reading mostly. Dueling, if a partner was available. But, right now, he was fighting the urge to nod off at the
table. Just as his forehead was ready
to make contact with the hard wood, a cold draft at his back startled him out
of his exhaustion-induced haze. Snapping his head around, Harry spied a
rather rumpled looking Remus walking though the door.

�Harry? What are you still doing up at this hour?� The question was rhetorical. Remus knew exactly what Harry was
doing. It was the same thing he could
always be found doing these days, researching, preparing, plotting, and
worrying.

�Hi.� Harry attempted a discreet glance at his watch, he was fairly
certain the hour was late. Confirming
his theory he said, �You�re out late.�

The red hue that spread from Remus�
collar up to his hair answered Harry�s unasked question.

Too tired to handle a politely
distant conversation, and looking to avoid the topic of his own late night
habits Harry asked, �How�s Tonks.�

Interestingly, Remus� flush receded
at the question.

�Busy. Nearly all available aurors are pulling double shifts these
days. There is too much to do and not
enough people to go around. She said
she would be stopping by the end of the week though, thought maybe you like to
go another round with her.� Remus� eyes
twinkled mischievously at the last comment.
Harry rolled his eyes.

Not on your life! That woman fights dirtier than Mad-Eye.

�And don�t think that little
evasion of yours worked. Harry, we
talked about these late nights of yours.
You are wearing yourself too thin.�
The concern in Remus voice was tiresome, though on some level, Harry
supposed he appreciated it.

�I have to find the remaining
Horcruxes. It�s taking a while, and
that�s time we really don�t have. Every
day he gets bolder�� every day more people die. This train of thought always brought on the
most uncomfortable sensation in the pit of Harry�s stomach. Almost as if acid had burned out the bottom
and it had plummeted to his shoes.
Thinking about Voldemort these days was always overwhelming, and yet
that is exactly what Harry thought about most.

�But if only you would let people
take a more active role in helping you� there are others who know what you do,
who understand the situation. Why not
accept help?�

�No!� Harry pushed away from the table, where
Remus had taken a seat next to him, with such force that several large tomes
were knocked to the ground. �I have already
told the Order I can�t work with him, I won�t!�

Remus sighed, �I wasn�t going to
suggest him Harry. You�ve made your
feelings on the situation quite clear, to me, at least.� The fact was, Harry had made his feelings
quite clear to everyone who brought the subject of Severus Snape up to
him. He had been unwavering in his
adamant desire to avoid Snape at all costs, his anger hadn�t dimmed upon
discovering Snape�s true loyalties.

It was nearly five months ago now,
since Minerva had delivered the news to the Order, and the pensieve to
Harry. Albus had had good cause to
trust Snape to the extent he had. As it turned out, upon turning from Voldemort, Severus had
pledged himself more completely than everyone had thought, if only because no
one had thought Dumbledore would use an Unbreakable Vow. Severus must have been truly desperate to
undertake such a condition; a condition that would later require him to take
the life of his long time mentor and friend.

It had taken Remus a solid month or
so before he finally understood the source of Harry�s anger. There had never been any kind of
relationship to destroy between Harry and Severus. On the outside, they both seemed to truly hate one another. Harry didn�t understand Severus, and Severus
had no patience for the shortcomings resultant of Harry�s youth, background,
and circumstances. It wasn�t their
long-standing history however, that had Harry in such fits over the topic of
Severus Snape. In truth, it was a
simple coping mechanism.

Harry had lost so much in his young
life, and even more had been wrenched from his control. He never knew his parents, he�d grown up in
a house without any love or support, and he continued to lose mentors and loved
ones; combined with a terrifying prophecy, it was no wonder Harry was a
wreck. In Remus� opinion, Harry�s anger
towards Severus was the one thing holding him together. Harry needed someone to rage at, someone to
hate; at least until Voldemort became more tangible, more direct in Harry�s
wounds and losses. Until he was ready
to fully place all of the blame, including what he knew he harbored for Sirius�
death, on Voldemort, Remus would humor him.
Unfortunately, time was something they didn�t have an infinite supply
of, and Harry was in need of a push in the right direction.

�I�m sorry, Remus.� Harry sighed and removed his glasses, gently
cleaning them on the hem of his too large shirt, �I didn�t mean to snap at
you.�

At least he has the grace to
look ashamed. �It�s alright,
Harry. You�re tired, and stressed. A certain amount of snapping is to be
expected. But, there is something I
have been meaning to discuss with you.
Will you at least hear me out?�
Remus knew he had a pleading edge to his voice, but Harry was at a
crossroads and simply couldn�t continue on the way he was.

Harry merely nodded his head,
keeping his gaze averted to his hemline, and his
head hanging in quiet resignation. He
couldn�t deny Remus when he used that tone.
His stomach plunged and burned again in anticipation of what was to
come.

�Harry, I know you think that
Dumbledore meant for you to find the rest of the Horcruxes, but he would never
have wanted you to continue on alone, or neglect everything else.�

�But I haven�t been alone. Ron and Hermione are researching in their
spare time��

�That isn�t enough Harry. You never see anyone. You are a man obsessed, and while I do
understand the importance of your objective, I think you are missing a few
things.� Remus held up his hand,
forestalling the protestations everyone had heard from Harry as of late. Remus knew the Horcruxes had to be found,
but there would be more than that needed to destroy Voldemort, and he didn�t
think Harry was thinking that far ahead.

�Tell me Harry, even if you find
and destroy all of the Horcruxes, what then?
A quick Avada Kedavra and it�s over?�
Harry�s fidgeting stilled. Remus
hoped it was a sign that he was seriously considering what he had to say.

�Will you even have the tactical
intelligence to find Voldemort? Do you
have backup plans if Avada fails, or if you can�t cast it? Do you even know if it will work on him,
Harry?� Remus knew that in this he was
adding to the already enormous amount of pressure Harry had to be feeling, and
he hoped Harry would forgive him for it, but Remus wanted Harry to survive the
coming war, and to do that he had to see the big picture, and prepare for all
eventualities.

�I can�t go back to school Remus;
it serves no purpose at this point.
Hermione and Ron are there, helping to prepare the members of the DA to
defend themselves, maybe others, but for me�� Harry trailed off. Remus had valid points, but he didn�t see
how going back to Hogwarts could help anything. The teachers couldn�t provide the time and training he would
need.

�I wasn�t suggesting you return to
school, Harry.�

�But then, what are you trying to
say?�

Again, Remus held up his hand to
stop Harry from continuing. �I will answer any questions I can Harry, but let
me get all of my proposal out to you before you ask, alright?� Interpreting Harry�s silence as acceptance,
Remus continued.

�The Auror Corps wants to extend a
special acceptance to you, Harry. They
want to admit you to the program without requiring your NEWT�s. It�s a suggestion that Tonks and
Shacklebolt, with the help of Moody, pitched to the Auror Corps. You would be accepted now, as a regular
program apprentice. However, instead of
joining the session, which has already begun at the academy, you would be
assigned special instructors, Order members, for your training. You would only join
in at the academy when necessary for drills or review." Remus paused,
trying to gauge Harry�s reaction.

�But where would that leave the
Horcruxes? I can�t forsake them, they
are instrumental in ending this war, Remus.�
Harry worried his bottom lip, what Remus was proposing wasn�t all
bad. He would get the training he
needed from those best qualified to prepare him, but maybe it should wait until
he had found the remaining artifacts, or at least had a better idea of what
they were.

�They wouldn�t be forgotten. Bill, myself, and a few others would pick up
where you left off in your research, and follow up on a few outside leads Albus
left us. They would not be forgotten.�

Harry was silent a long time, and
Remus thought he was going to put him off when he finally spoke. �What would you do, Remus?� And in that instant, Remus saw him. The scared little boy Harry so carefully hid
from the world; the scared kid that was expected to save them all. Perhaps that was why Remus nearly choked on
his next statement.

�I think this is a good decision,
Harry. It grants you greater tools and
opportunities. You should think it over
carefully.� But, in that instant, Remus
knew he wouldn�t. Harry had asked for
direction, and Remus had provided it.
Harry would follow the path the Order had laid before him.

�You�re right, who do I need to
talk to?� The utter depression and
acquiescence in Harry�s posture and tone nearly broke his heart.

Remus leaned over and gently
squeezed Harry�s knee. �I�ll take care
of it tomorrow. Why don�t you head
upstairs and get some rest.�

�Goodnight, Remus.�

James, please forgive me. I
fear I send your son down a violent and lonely path, but I know no other road.

With a quiet Nox, Remus snuffed the
candles and went to bed. Tomorrow would
be a long day.
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Burdens of the Heart

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don�t own anything you recognize. I wish I did.

Happy reading!

Six Months Later�