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Honey and Saliva	By : indira Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2029 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Honey and Saliva
Author: Indira Neill
Pairings: MarcusxPercy, HarryxRon, OliverxPercy, George+Fred
Comment: There will be an explanation of why Ron killed Oliver eventually, but as I told audi "I'll burn that bridge when I get to it" don't you love mixed metaphors? I love Percy with all my little heart which is why I'm so terribly mean to him. And I hate leaving one dementional characters lying about.

--

"Don't leave me yet."

The words are moist on the skin of my back, playing along the blood red mark left there. I think those words hurt more then any of my scars. Why do you tell me such things? You never ask me to stay, you always want me out as soon as possible. I'll see you tomorrow in the office no doubt and you'll hurt me with your words as you've hurt me tonight with your fists. Don't I give you enough to stay satisfied?

You're word's weren't pleading, of course not, I'm the only one that pleads. I plead for what little you give me. Nor were they demanding, you're only demanding during sex. Sarcastic, no doubt you don't have the intellect for sarcasm. What was it then your words were tainted with?

Why is it you're now the one I speak to in my mind? I swore never to do this with you, never. My mind was reserved for everyone but you. I wasn't going to let you into my thoughts, how miserably I've failed.

"I don't belong to you."

I don't, nothing of me belongs to you but my body for a few hours every once in awhile. You can't hold me like Oliver did. Never. The way I would give myself to him, I could never give myself to you that way. Never never never.

"I know."

They are words and nothing more. I can't tell your motivation behind them, why you say these things to me. As if we were equals though I know we are not on any level. Nothing will ever make you and I the same. You are so many negatives all at once. I stand up and cast a few charms to hide my wounds, but I never heal them with magic. There is something powerful about nursing them back myself, my little projects. I hide them so others cannot see, so they don't worry.

"Weasley, do you only use me for sex?"

Words and nothing more, who am I kidding? Words are everything. And that proves they are anything. I would have expected anything from your bruised lips but that. As if you use me for anything but sex. Why should my intentions and motivations be any different then yours? I'm furious on the inside but you don't know. If Oliver couldn't get inside my head I doubt you would ever either. You don't even call me by my first name. This is somewhat of a business relationship.

"Do you just use me as an extension of yourself?"

You're not intelligent enough to understand what you has just said. You're not kind enough to actually care for me. You're not graceful enough to pretend either one.

"You give me something I need, and I give you something that you need."

It's the truth, I'm not one for lying much as long as the right question is asked. We complete each other in the most superficial way possible. To live you need a heart and a brain, to find release I need you. I do need someone to abuse me, hit me, force me. I need that now. I suppose we are equals in bed. You may be the one with the illusion of control, but nothing ever happens that I don't want just as much as you do.

I never thought of you as someone with feelings. Funny how everything is different out on the raft.

Perhaps it's best that I just leave. It's painfully obvious you barely understand yourself at this point. You're feeding me pretty words to make me stay. Maybe you do want something more out of this, more then just sex and satisfaction. The point is I don't. Maybe your abuse all those years was just misplaced flirtations. I don't care and I never did. You're little more then a pest to me. Just now you're a useful one. Like a spider you keep to catch the flies. Don't ever think we're something more then what we are Marcus Flint. Even now after my fall from heaven, I am still too far above your level for you to reach me.

Maybe we aren't equals after all.

--

Oliver, can you hear me? I'm starting, little by little to think that you can. Just by things that have been happening around me. Sometimes I'll be in a room that is so freezing cold but then I warm up a little bit. Is that you? You're protecting me even now, aren't you? I love you so much, Oliver. I can't wait until we're together again.

Marcus was trying to get into my mind, can you believe that? My mind is only for you Oliver, I promise I won't let anyone else get in from now on. Only for you.

I've discovered I don't need Marcus after all. It doesn't matter who's hands are on the knife that slices me, so now I just use my own. And I do it all for you, Oliver. To remind myself of how much I love you and how much you love me. Doing this brings me closer to you. All for you.

I realize now what a favor Ron did us. We're so close now, aren't we? It's like you're inside me all the time now. I could bleed forever and you'd still be right inside me, he did this so we could be together eternally. I will bleed and bleed for you until you come back out of me so we can swallow each other back up again. Over and over such a beautiful cycle.

Don't you love what I've become?

--

I can't believe what I did to myself last night. Sheets and clothing with blood caking upon it, I know I did this to myself but I hardly remember it. All I know is now I am paying the consequences. Mum will want to clean my sheets and my clothes. She'll know then that everything isn't all right with me. She'll know something is wrong and she'll try to protect me from the big bad things in the world until I'm all better. If only she could protect me from myself.

Of course, being a wizard does have it's advantages and I magik the blood out of the sheets, she'll never have to know though part of me wants everyone to know, because someone actually might be able to help me. Well, I know who can help me but the idea of seeing him also makes me want to vomit. Although, I'm perhaps one of the few people on earth who knows exactly how to go about finding him.

I need to find Ron. I need to end this before it destroys me, before it consumes me whole, tears out my lungs and keeps me from breathing. If it were up to me I would ie ite it, but maybe I owe it to Oliver to find out why. There is no logical why. I doubt the actual why has any logic at all to it. This isn't about logic though, this is about the truth.

He's starting his sixth year in the fall. He'd be starting his sixth year in the fall. He would be starting his third year with me. I'd be sharing this summer with him. One motion, four lives, it still seems so surreal.

I look down onto my shirt, hanging loose about my shoulders but still tinged with blood. My chest is so pale and thin and wounded. In my mind the scabbed cuts are still now bleeding. Rather then removing the blood stains I transfigure the blood into honey. By the time Mum figures out what it really is I'll be too far gone for her or anyone else to catch up.

After I've done what needs to be done, well I don't really know what then. I could come back to the Burrow, to my home. But standing here in my room of so many years, I know that I'll never see it again. I need to make peace with this world and then it will be time for me to move on. Something about this world of wizards and magic, it's no longer accepting, no longer comforting. I have to leave it, but not until my letter reaches its destination. Only this time, I am the letter. But I can be lost and crushed just as easily as I fly away on my paper wings.
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Honey and Saliva