Who, What and Where am I?

Title: Who, what and where am I?

Summary: ‘Severus sat down hard as he extracted his mind from Potter. This could not be happening. It couldn’t be true! Potter was a spoiled brat, selfish and self-centered! He was not ‘boy’. He couldn’t be!’

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing! JK Rowling and her Publishers owns Harry Potter and anything associated with it.

Warning: This is NOT a happy fic. There will be references to sexual situations, chan and non-con. If this disturbs you then please do NOT read. I’ve warned you so don’t flame me about that! But, it will have a happy ending. I also want to mention, although I put it as a warning when I first posted this fic I didn’t tell you in the first chapter. There will be incest, non-con incest but incest all the same.

Chapter 2

AN: This chapter will jump between time-lines at the beginning and then jump from year to year near the end.

Harry had this weird feeling that he was forgetting something.

He remembered his uncle hauling him out of his cupboard. He remembered the beating which had followed and how he had wished to be somewhere else.

Then he woke up, in his cot, in the darkness of his cupboard. He couldn’t remember how he had ended up in his cupboard. Couldn’t remember how he had escaped his uncle’s wrath. He just knew that he was thankful to still be alive.

The fact that his uncle didn’t immediately thrash him made him believe that nothing ‘out of the ordinary’ had happened and that he had simply blacked out and thus couldn’t remember how he had ended up in his cupboard.

He soon forgot all about the incident and just kept on living his solitary life between chores, beatings and school.

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Severus was very surprised when he returned home and found it empty.

While surprised he was also very relieved. He didn’t want to think about what his father would do to him for being away for a whole week.

He shuddered slightly at the thought.

Then he remembered ‘boy’. He could see in the way his relatives had treated him that the young boy had become passive. The eyes, while beautiful had been dull and lifeless. He shuddered again as he thought of the brutal beating he had been subjected to on ‘arrival’.

While his father loved whacking him on the head or pummeling him in the stomach with his fists he had never lifted a belt or whip to him.

He knew what his father did on occasion was actually worse but he couldn’t imagine having to live with his back in constant pain.

The pain his father caused was maybe once a week and it was quick and thorough. He in no way condoned what his father did, he knew it was wrong, but the man was still his father. He also knew that his mother loved his father and he did not want to ruin her happiness just for his own selfish desires. He needed a roof over his head and knew that if he talked about what his father did he would be thrown out of the house and end up on the street.

No, he couldn’t let that happen.

Dread filled him as he heard the back door open. His mother worked at St Mungo’s during the day and would not be home until nightfall. That could only mean that it was his father whom had returned.

He straightened his shoulders and waited for his father to lash into him.

Nothing happened.

His father came through the door, took one look at him and moved on to his rooms.

The dread which had filled him was multiplying ten fold.

What was his father playing at? He had been gone a week. With absolutely no explanation and without telling anyone where he was going.

His father should be barking and foaming at the mouth by now. If not that then shoving him on his bed and subjecting him to unspeakable things.

He lifted his head as he heard his father enter.

“You had better get your act together sonny. That last performance had been pathetic, not to mention that I had to remind you about ‘deep throating’ again last night. That is NOT acceptable.”

His father advanced on him but Severus was frozen in place. Last performance? Last night? He had been in ‘boy’s’ body last night. Had been in a muggle home, with an abusive uncle and neglecting aunt. What was his father talking about.

Then it hit him. He had been in ‘boy’s’ body. Where was boy? Where had ‘boy’ been all that time? Please no! NO! no, no, no, no, no!!! This could not be happening. The boy had been abused from a young age but Severus had been able to tell that the boy’s virginity had still been in tact. If what his father was saying was true then boy had been in Severus’s body while he had been in boy’s.

He wanted to sink to the floor and howl out to the world how unfair it was. He felt for the young ‘boy’. He had lived as another for a week and had experience the worst few days of his life.

He hated his father, yes, he hated what he did to him but at least he had his mother. His mother, who loved him, took care of him and comforted him when he was sad or hurt. ‘Boy’ had no one. No one to comfort him, take care of him or hold him when he had nightmares.

And now, now the realization had set in that boy had been ‘him’ for the past week and that the last of his innocence had been shattered.

Severus dearly wanted to sink down to the floor and weep like a baby, but he knew he couldn’t. His father was in the room and he had to act like an adult in front of his father.

Pulling himself together took some effort but he managed and he followed his father to the master bedroom.

He would act as if nothing had happened. He knew that no one would believe him anyway. He just hoped that ‘boy’ would be able to pull through this.

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Harry could not believe it. He now knew what his special gifts were. Knew that he was not really a freak but a wizard.

He could not wait for September the 1st to arrive. Hagrid had told him all he could about this new world he was entering. The best of all for Harry was that he would be away from his relatives for 10 months a year. Far away from his relatives.

He resisted the urge to dance for joy or to shout out to the world that he was FREE!!

He could even spend Christmas at Hogwarts. Maybe he would even be able to eat more than what his aunt allowed him. He could always hope.

Harry could not wipe the huge grin from his face even if he wanted to.

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The hat had wanted to place him in Slytherin but he had been relentless in his pleading and in the end had been placed in Gryffindor.

Now, a year later, he wondered if that had maybe not been a mistake.

Snape was an utter bastard.

But Harry could not shake this feeling that he had met the man before. Where, he did not know.

Potions was a fascinating subject but with the way Snape swooped down on him, ridiculed him like his uncle always did and called him names, Harry forced himself to do bad in the subject.

He knew how his uncle always acted when he outdid Dudley in any subject and Snape was exactly the same as his uncle.

So, Harry forced himself to do poorly in the subject and endured all the ridicule and scolding. Maybe if Snape realized that Harry was really as ‘stupid’ as he thought him he would let up on the scathing comments?

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Harry had been scared shitless when Snape had found him and Ron after the ‘Whomping Willow’ incident. He was sure that he would be expelled. He could expect nothing less from the spiteful man.

He just hoped he would be able to survive at his relatives. The summer had been brutal. Worse than before as his uncle had a year worth of anger and hate to dish out.

Te relief had definitely shown on his face when he learned that he could stay at school. Nobody noticed it though and he quickly schooled his expression into that of the perfect ‘Golden Boy’ image. Contrite and remorseful.

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He had often wondered why he had won his argument with the hat as he didn’t see himself as extremely courageous, but now, as he helped Ginny stand up deep in the Chamber of Secrets he couldn’t help but think that he had some courage hidden deep within himself.

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At the end of his third year Harry had experienced a very unfamiliar feeling. He could only describe it as hope. He had had a fleeting hope that he would finally be rid of the Dursley’s. That he would have someone to take care of him, but it had been short lived.

Now he was once again back at the delightful Dursleys.

When the Weasley’s showed up to pick him up for the ‘World Cup’, Harry had been scared that they would see his wounds and realize just how bad things were for him. But he had been worried for nothing; he had had enough time to heal himself and had enjoyed the best summer of his life.

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The bitterness which had overtaken him at Ron’s betrayal had overwhelmed him. He had hoped that he had finally found a true friend. Someone he could confide in who would stand by him no matter what. He had been sadly mistaken. He had planned to tell Ron some of the things which happen at home. Of what his uncle did to him, what he went through, but now he realized that he could never tell Ron that. Ron would be disgusted with him, would shunt him and ridicule him, just as Snape did.

The thought pained Harry and he ruthlessly pushed it down.

He would NOT cry over something as pathetic as that.

He had gone his whole life without anyone to confide in, to love, or who’d love him. He would continue to do so.

He had a brief vision of telling Hermione but decided against it.

Hermione came from a loving family. She had extensive knowledge and was the smartest witch of their age. No, if he told her only one tiny little detail, she would work the rest out for herself. He could not have that.

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Harry had finally made peace with his parent’s death after the Triwizard Tournament. Seeing them again after all these years had warmed Harry’s heart and he knew now that someone loved him. Even if they weren’t there anymore, they had died to save his life and they loved him.

He had found consolation in that.


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Had he mentioned before that Snape was an utter bastard?

The occlumency lessons went from bad to worse day after day.

Harry did not see it fit to burst Snape’s bubble and tell him the truth about his home life. Let the Professor think he was a spoiled brat. It was better that he think that than that he know the truth.

Snape was ruthless and Harry shuddered at the thought of what Snape could do with the knowledge of Harry’s home life.

That was until Snape found a memory which Harry couldn’t remember.

The memory was so real that Harry felt as if he was experiencing it right then and there.

The gagging feeling was too much for him where he had fallen to the ground in Snape’s classroom and unlike in the memory he could not keep his stomach’s contents down. He retched on the floor as he continued reliving the memory.

The man, who had at that time been ‘his’ father kept thrusting his hard member in his mouth.

‘In and Out’ and ‘In and Out’.

His mouth was loosing feeling. It almost felt like when he sucked a pill to relief ‘throat soreness’. That always made his mouth go numb. This was just 100 times worse.

When he saw the face in the mirror he wanted to gag again.

It just was not possible!

The face was that of a younger Snape.

The memories sped up and he relived those horrible days once again.

The day that Snape’s father had taken the last of his innocence Harry could do nothing but stare.

‘His’ father had brutally ripped into him. Stretching him only with two fingers and minimal lube.

He remembered now the pain as he had tore into him. The gasping sounds the man had made as well as the ‘encouraging’ words he had spoken.

‘Yes’. Oh yes. So tight. Oh, you like that don’t you ‘sonny’.

Oh come now. I know you like to moan so prettily when I thrust into you.

I know you like it. Yes, yes, yes!

Harry remembered how he tried to worm out from under the man. He remembered the pain and the humiliation. He remembered how he had for once in his life been glad that he had been saddled with the Dursley’s and not this man.

He also now remembered when this had been.

It was the day his uncle had beaten him beyond his endurance and he had wished to be somewhere else.

He had not remembered what had happened after his wish.

He had not remembered that he had spent a week in the body of someone else where the last of his innocence had been taken away from him.

He had not remembered how he had returned to his cupboard.

Now he knew.

He knew that it had not simply been one night that he could not remember but a whole week.

The fact that his uncle had said nothing about him disappearing for a week filled Harry with dread.

There was only one explanation for that and Harry really didn’t want to think of the implications.

Snape had been him while he had been Snape.

As the last of the memory reinserted itself Harry looked up at Snape. He expected a scowl. Hurtful words. Ridicule or even laughter.

What he saw was a horrified expression and Snape sank down in his chair.


End Chapter 2


Okay, I know the story is a bit rushed but that’s just the way it’s going to be.

To answer your questions:

Robin: Harry hadn’t remembered anything that had happened that week so he couldn’t have recognize Snape. Snape on the other hand was too prejudiced against the name ‘Potter’ and could not see what was right in front of him. And come on, they had both been barely 10 years old at the time. Thank you for the review and I hope you like the story.

What do you think?

Review please!!