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The Livre Noir of Sex Ed	By : amethystJck Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 3734 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Hermione made her way to the Gryffindor common room in a daze. How could this have happened to her, of all people? A year and a half of meticulous research only to find that her anal virginity had been squandered on Draco Malfoy of all people! Well, perhaps not squandered, but still she could have gained so much more through the experience of harvesting the ingredient properly. The primary benefit of that liaison was that since they had both enjoyed themselves greatly as well as being the two top students in their year; they had agreed to meet at least once a year to practice tantric magic that involved the aging process and would only work on the next step annually with the same partner. If they kept it up for at least the next five years, they would have progressed farther than any couple starting in their age range had for well over two hundred years.

Lost in thought, she hardly even noticed when Ron and Harry sat down for a game of chess right next to the window seat where she stared blankly ahead.

“Hello, Earth to Hermione! Hermione?” Harry said waving his hands in front of her face when he noticed that she hadn’t moved for the past twenty minutes.

“It’s a lost cause, mate,”Ron responded turning slightly red. He would know. He had been one of Hermiones' test subjects and the look that she wore on her face now closely resembled the one that she had when she first saw his unit. After that she had not wanted to run any more studies on him, but out of the loyalty born from friendship and quite frankly, given his size, pity, she arranged to run anal sex studies with him once a month.

The rating she had for the most recent study of him read something like this in peu de livre noir directly next to the crystal that was charmed to contain a semen sample from the encounter:

Test Subject: Ronald Bilius Weasley

Flaccid Length: 2.54 cm Erect Length: 7 cm

Girth: 6.1 cm Shape of Tip: Conical

Circumcised: No Type of Study: Anal

Pleasurable?: For him Painful: Painfully boring

Duration of Encounter: 45 loooong minutes

Observations: I managed to learn a new charm perfectly this time. I’ve been practicing it for the past half an hour. It is a little disheartening that I won’t be able to finish the next step since it requires brewing a potion and I’m not in a potions lab right now. Oh shit! I think that the grunting coming from my backside means that Ron is finishing. I need to record everything before he attempts to read it. Nosy bugger!

Results: I’m no longer being jerked about so I can finally review my charm one last time before heading to the potions lab I’ve set up in the attic.

If Ron had any common sense when it came to dealing with members of the opposite sex, he would be pleased that she had made the same oath he made that promised discretion. That being said, common sense did not exist for him in that particular arena. He wished that he could tell someone, just so people would know that he was getting laid. As this thought crossed his mind he noticed Neville approaching them. After greeting Harry and Ron, the shy young wizard turned to face Hermione.

“Hermione, what was it you needed my help with?”he inquired timidly wondering what she could possibly need his help with.

Hearing that her newest test subject was ready to be primed, Hermione slowly returned to the land of the living.

“Pardon? Oh, yes. Neville, if you will come with me, I felt that you needed some tutoring in private. If you will follow me to the room of requirement, please,” Hermione responded before grabbing and her bag and briskly walking to her destination.

Never one to argue with Hermione when the situation seemed harmless enough, he followed her out of the common room and through the halls stopping only long enough for Hermione to focus on the kind of room needed for her purposes. Opening the door she hurried Neville through before entering herself.

As Neville looked around, bewildered by what appeared to be the interior of a rather posh hotel suite, Hermione coaxed him to the sofa nearest them . As was her habit, before explaining anything to the unsuspecting man in front of her, she had him pull out his wand and make an oath of discretion regarding any events that transpired between them during the course of the next two hours. Satisfied, she began revealing to him what his oath pertained to and watched his face go from a look of confusion to; was that a look of confidence? She shook her head. Impossible! It just couldn’t be. Could it?

Pulling out her journal she began setting up the area around the bed before turning to Neville and what she saw stopped her dead in her tracks.

Her recording of that particular session reads as follows:

Test Subject: Neville Franklin Longbottom

Flaccid Length: 16.4 cm Erect Length: 27 cm

Girth: 20.57 cm Shape of Tip: Mushroom

Circumcised: Yes Type of Study: Anal and Oral

Pleasurable?: Mutual, until he entered

Painful: YES

Duration of Encounter: 85 minutes

Observations: I surprisingly enjoyed his cunnilingus skills. If we hadn’t taken that oath I would seriously consider penning a thank you note to Ginny for teaching him and telling him that it was a requirement for all sexual encounters. I’ll just have to do something nice for her without telling her why.

When he entered it was so extraordinarily painful that I blacked out for a few minutes. When I came to he had pulled out and had a concerned look on his face. As soon as he was sure I was alright the same thing happened. Over and over and fucking over again. Finally I yelled at him and told him that he had to choose whether to be in or out because otherwise this was simply not going to work.

Results: I would begin to get used to his size just before he would pull out and come all over my arse. His excuse was that he liked the way it looked. WIZARDS!!! I had to, yet again, tell him that he needed to choose one, in or out! I’m fine with a man being able to have multiple orgasms, but dammit, that was ridiculous and it hurt. Speaking of hurt, I might have hurt his feelings. I’ll have to make it up to him somehow. Maybe a nice blow job for our next session because I’m never doing anal with him again!

After she turned in for the evening, visions of the day began to torment her. Hermione tossed and turned the entire night. Constantly haunting her were Mrs. Weasley’s words about anal virginity coupled with comparisons of the men whose results inhabited her enchanted little black book.

That morning she woke up determined to double her research efforts in the hopes of making up for the lack of information that had led to her saving the wrong virginity. She had to get to Knockturn Alley and she knew exactly what she had to do to get there.

She was still obsessing over her dilemma as she ate her breakfast. Then it came to her. It was high time to call in a favor from Draco. Squinting her eyes, while absent mindedly sipping her pumpkin juice, Hermione began to plan.

At the head table members of the staff chatted amicably with their new sex expert. All, but Severus Snape, who surreptitiously observed the seventh year students interacting so as to gauge what their reactions were to the previous evenings’ lesson. That was why, when his gaze swept over the Gryffindor table and he caught the look on the face of the resident know-it-all, he knew that something was amiss. Running his finger across his lip, he subtly gripped his wand with his free hand. ‘Legilimens!’ he thought before gently probing the Granger girl’s mind, so as not to attract her attention. ‘Very interesting,’ he thought to himself. ‘Very interesting indeed.’

As Hermione left her double potions class, she felt eyes on her. Turning around, she was met with the depth less black gaze of her potions professor.

“I don’t seem to recall requesting you to block the doorway to my classroom, Miss Granger,” Snape sneered.

“No, Sir you didn’t,” Hermione responded, still not turning around. Why had Professor Snape been looking at her like that? Moreso, why had he permitted her to catch him observing her? Something was not quite normal and that knowledge put her on edge. Her professor was up to something and it involved her.

“As moronic as the majority of you peer group is, Miss Granger,”Snape said uncrossing his slim legs, before leaning forward to emphasize his point, “I would expect for you to understand a simple request to remove yourself from my doorway. In or out, choose one.”

Hermiones' jaw dropped at his subtle reference to the journal entry she had completed at breakfast this morning. Determined to do some extra research last night, she had chosen to call upon Neville to assist her. It was the least he could do after all of the assistance she had provided to him in the past, without which he would have completely failed potions instead of barely scraping an ‘acceptable’.

It had been a total disaster, needless to say. Although he possessed more than adequate equipment, Hermione had ended up yelling at him, “In or out, choose one!” multiple times before storming out of the room of requirement and back to her own room. That was why, in spite of herself, she found her feet unwilling to move as she locked gazes with her professor. He couldn’t know, could he?

She had carefully made Neville as well as each of her other partners make a wand oath before sexual congress. Could she have slipped up and forgotten? No, definitely not. Deciding that she needed to know just what was up with her professor’s strange behavior, she stepped back into the room and away from the door.

“I choose, in, professor,” she said bravely approaching Snape’s desk.

Never breaking his eye contact with the young witch in front of him, Severus responded smoothly, “Well, well, well...I believe that, perhaps, you have made the right choice, Miss Granger.”
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The Livre Noir of Sex Ed