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Love Is No Big Truth	By : honeybee Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 10389 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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2. The Downward Spiral

A month
after her miraculous recovery, Hermione had finally been proclaimed fully recovered
and received permission to use any type magic she wanted. Madam Pomfrey only
asked her to watch for any signs of weakness and to please, please not
overexert herself. Hermione promised�and promptly launched herself into frantic
studying for the upcoming NEWTs. The final exams were to be held at the Ministry for everyone who wished to take them.

Hermione
moved in to Grimmauld Place together with Harry and Ron. To her greatest
surprise, they both refused the complimentary NEWT scores offered by the
Ministry. Apparently, Scrimgeour was trying to make amends for his treatment of
Harry. However, his �generous� offer was passed over. Harry grinned at her
incredulous face and said �I suppose those grades are needed for a reason
Hermione. I want to be a good Auror, so I guess I�ll have to sit down on my
arse and study a bit, huh?� Ron nodded his consent with some reluctance.

So, the
trio were back together�Hermione designing study schedules for the boys, making
lists of all the spells and potions that they would have to revise for. They
couldn�t play Quidditch in the middle of London, which made them grumble a bit,
but living independently won over Quidditch any day. Mrs. Weasley kept dropping
hints that they would be welcome at the Burrow anytime, but after the year they
had spent alone in their tent together, they felt too grown up to be mothered
by Molly. Of course, they visited the Burrow at least once a week, sometimes
more often. The Weasleys� were still devastated by Fred�s death and Molly
needed the support of all her children, including Harry and Hermione. George
had suspended the shop for a while and had gone with Charlie to the dragon
reserve. Ginny and Harry were back together and she visited Grimmauld Place
almost every day. Everyone was struggling to maintain a semblance of a normal
life, pretending that everything was getting better.

In the
evenings, Hermione, Ron, and Harry usually stopped studying and had dinner, taking
turns to cook or ordering food; sometimes they would speak about the battle.
However, they rarely spoke about their own feelings, as if it was too soon and
still too painful.

One of
these evenings, Hermione managed to get out of Harry more of the story about
Snape. He had left for his cottage in Greece immediately after she had woken
up, so she never got the chance to speak to him again. At first, Harry was
reluctant to reveal anything, claiming it would be a violation of the
professor�s trust. Finally, she managed to coax out of him two facts. Firstly,
Snape had indeed been helping them all along through their horcrux hunt.
Secondly, he had been driven through his life by his deep affection for a woman
who was long dead. There he stopped talking and clammed up, glaring at her as
if he had said too much already. After that, he refused to discuss the
professor.

Another
piece of information she had gathered was at one of Molly�s dinners. Just as
they arrived, Arthur introduced her to a middle-aged wizard, Healer Brendan
from St. Mungo�s. He looked at Hermione with bright eyes.

�Glad to
see you are so much better, Miss Granger. It seems that Severus was right as
ever.�

Her
curiosity piqued, she asked, �Professor Snape? What was he right about?� The
man chuckled.

�I was one
of your healers when you were in a coma, dear. It shames me to say that I had
almost given up on you, as well as the others. When you showed signs of
recovery, I remarked it was a pity that such a young and promising witch would
be rendered a mere Squib. Then Severus glared at me in his special way and said,
�Carl, Miss Granger is more interconnected with her magic than any pureblood!
If she does not die, she will recover fully.� And, I see your magical aura is
very strong. The man has the infuriating habit of being always right, but this
time I can truly say I am glad about it.�

Hermione
flushed, feeling sudden warmth at her professor�s belief in her. He himself had
said as much during their last talk, but it was different hearing it from
another person.

Two months
after the battle, NEWT week finally arrived. It was a blur of revision, oral
and written exams, and sheer exhaustion. Her friends were worried that the
exertion could deplete her magic again, but Hermione felt fine. True, her body
was taxed from lack of sleep and too much caffeine, but she felt her magic
alive and vibrant, thrumming through her veins, stronger than ever. The
sensation was different from before her illness, but she attributed it to
heightened awareness. After all, she had been close to losing it; it was
reasonable to think that she would feel it more consciously now. Hermione also
took to studying in the back garden of Grimmauld Place. It was shabby and full
of weed overgrowth, but being outdoors seemed to return some of her energy.

After the
last exam, the three friends got together for a celebratory lunch with their
schoolmates at the Three Broomsticks, and a celebratory dinner at the Burrow.
Harry and Ron had drunk a little too much and weren�t up for Apparating home,
and Hermione didn�t want to go alone back to an empty house. So, the boys
bunked together in the twins� old room, while Hermione got the luxury of
Percy�s old room all to herself.

That was
the night when the nightmares began.

She was standing on the battlefield, the
familiar stench of blood and burned flesh making her choke. The bodies of
friends scattered all around her, Fred�s empty gaze, Colin Creevey, seeming
even smaller in death, and the blood, all the blood coming seemingly from
nowhere. Then, all the familiar faces contorted into hateful masks, hurling
accusations at her. �Why did you have to live and we didn�t? What makes you so special?
We had families that miss us; you have no one. Nobody would have missed you;
why didn�t you die instead of one of us?� Their faces got closer and closer,
their mouths opened and blood started to pour out, quickly rising to her throat
and threatening to engulf her, while she struggled and screamed, �It wasn�t my
fault, I�m sorry, I�m so sorry.�

She woke up
drenched in cold sweat, her last scream still ringing in her ears. Someone was
knocking frantically on the door.

�Hermione!
Hermione, open the door!� It was Mrs. Weasley. Hermione stumbled out of bed and
unwarded the room. Mrs. Weasley rushed in, wand drawn, lips tight with concern.
When she saw Hermione alone, she dropped her wand with a sigh of relief. Ginny
followed her and lingered quietly in the doorway.

�Are you
all right dear? I heard you scream and I thought Merlin knows what.�

�I�m fine,
Mrs. Weasley. I just had a nightmare, I�m sorry I scared you.�

Ginny
smiled and asked, �Do you want me to stay with you? It helps if you don�t sleep
alone.� In response, Hermione lifted the covers and Ginny slipped into the bed.
Mrs. Weasley said, �Goodnight� and left the girls alone.

Ginny
waited until her mother�s footsteps faded and probed gently, �Do you want to
talk about it?� Hermione sighed. She needed to talk about it, but she didn�t
want to bring up Fred�s death and upset her friend. So she muttered, �It was
about the battle, Ginny, please don�t ask about details.�

The younger
girl squeezed her hand. �I understand. I had nightmares about Tom after the
Chamber incident. I didn�t feel like talking about it until years later. But
it�s different for everyone, I just wanted you to let
you know that you can always talk to me. Go to sleep now, or you�re going to
look like shit tomorrow.�

Hermione
swatted Ginny half-heartedly and quickly followed her advice, trying to forget the
disturbing images of her nightmare.

***

For a while
after that first night, Hermione�s sleep was untroubled. Unlike before, she was
calm about her exam results. To her great amusement, Harry and Ron were nervous
and fidgety, jumping at every unfortunate owl that arrived with a letter. When
the long awaited letters finally arrived, the boys almost ripped them open with
excitement. A moment later, the room was filled with frantic yelling and
Hermione doubled over with laughter, as she watched their victory dance. There
was an additional letter enclosed with their results�they were both accepted in
the Auror Training Program. After the excitement had died down, Harry and Ron
towered over her, demanding to see her scores.

�I want to
see if you have at least a single E, just to prove that you are human.� Ron
teased her with a huge grin.

Hermione rolled her eyes and huffed,
�Honestly, Ronald, I had an E on my Defence OWL. Besides, the only important
ones are Potions and Arithmancy.�

She opened her letter and scanned it quickly
with a smug smile. Then she tossed it on to the table and sighed with mock
regret.

�Sorry to
disappoint you, Ron, it seems that I am not human after all.�

Harry
grabbed the score sheet and looked at it in awe. Reading through the comments,
he gave her a funny look.

�It says
here that you beat the record score on the Potions exam.�

Hermione
grinned. �Yes, I saw it.�

Harry
interrupted her, �It also says that the last record score belonged to Professor
Snape and my mum.�

Hermione�s
eyes widened and she reached for the letter, this time reading it carefully.
When she raised her eyes, she smiled sadly. �Yes, it seems they had a tie that
year.� She folded the letter carefully and put it back in the envelope.

Ron looked
genuinely impressed.

�Wow,
Mione! I bet you could study Potions anywhere you wanted with that score.�

�That is
exactly what I am planning to do, I just have not decided where. That is why I
needed high marks in Potions and Arithmancy.�

Harry put an
arm on her shoulder, smiling genuinely. �Ron is right, Hermione, I am sure you
can go wherever you decide.�

After one
more week of relaxation, the boys� summer training began. Meanwhile, Hermione�s
nightmares returned. She had dismissed that one night as an accident, but it
soon became clear that the nightmares weren�t going to go away. It was almost
the same every time: the hateful faces of her dead friends hurling insults,
drowning her in blood. She always woke up before the blood reached her face,
but that didn�t make it any better. A Silencing Charm became part of her
bedtime routine, because she didn�t want to disturb the boys. The first night
when they woke because of her screams, she managed to persuade them that it was
an accident. They didn�t know about her first nightmare at the Burrow, so they
bought it and didn�t ask any more questions.

Hermione
remembered Ginny�s offer, but somehow she couldn�t bring herself to talk to
anybody about her problem. All her friends seemed to have come to terms with
their losses. Harry was still sad when he spoke of Lupin and Tonks, but he was
dead serious about his godfather duties. Sometimes, instead of going straight home
after training, he visited Andromeda Tonks together with Ginny and spent time
with little Teddy. George returned from Romania and reopened his joke shop; so,
Ron often visited to help him out and sometimes slept over. Even Molly didn�t
burst into tears every time someone mentioned Fred�s name. Everyone appeared to
be coping well and she didn�t feel it was fair to open up old wounds that were
on the mend.

Going to
sleep after a nightmare was nearly impossible and the insomnia made Hermione
grumpy and irritable. The boys were hardly at home anymore, thus nobody noticed
her drifting away. Her nightly terrors continued during the day, she was
feeling increasingly guilty about letting her friends die. She tried taking a Dreamless
Sleep Potion before going to bed, but it was highly addictive; so, she dared
use it only when she felt on the brink of exhaustion. Sometimes, the dreams
would cease for several days and just when she started hoping, they would
return at full force. Even spending time in the garden didn�t relax her
anymore. Hermione was falling into despair. One night her usual dose of
Dreamless Sleep Potion didn�t prevent the nightmare and when she woke up, she
broke down, sobbing into her pillow. Furious, she cast Lumos and grabbed for
her potion case, determined to get some sleep�no matter what. While she
rummaged for the potion, her hand closed around an unfamiliar phial. Looking
closely, she identified the spidery scrawl as Professor Snape�s. It was a
leftover phial from the headache potion he gave her while she was ill.
Suddenly, an idea formed in her head. She could write about her problem to him.
It was grasping at straws, but she had to tell someone! He had been kind to her. Hell, he had even given her
permission to use his given name, not that she was going to use it. Professor
Snape had suffered through enough traumatic experiences to last several
lifetimes; maybe he could give her some insight and advice. He could also tell
her off as a presuming and insolent little girl, but she was desperate enough
to risk his wrath. She took out a piece of parchment, a quill, and composed her
letter. It seemed that pouring her thoughts on paper put her mind at ease
because afterwards, she fell into an untroubled sleep.

Early in
the morning, she caught Ron by the sleeve just before he left.

�Ron, may I
borrow Pig for a few days? I need to send a letter abroad.� Ron shrugged.

�Sure. I
use the Auror Department�s owls anyway.� Hermione thanked him and hurried off
to send her letter.

***

Severus
Snape scowled at the sun. It was the only thing that bothered him about Greece:
the sun was too bright and the summer was much too hot. He was currently in
shirtsleeves, picking fresh thyme from his cottage�s garden. Just as he was
going back inside, he heard the fluttering of wings. Turning around, he was
assaulted by a very small and tired owl, which dropped a letter in to his hand
and promptly fell on the ground. Severus sighed, recognising Weasley�s owl. He carried the small bird inside, cast Ennervate and provided it with water and some
food. While the owl stuffed its beak, scarily reminiscent of his master,
Severus opened his letter and read it, his scowl deepening by the minute.

�Professor
Snape,

I apologise
if I am overstepping my boundaries by writing this letter, but you seemed
sympathetic when we spoke last and I am afraid I don�t know whom else to turn to.
Two months after the battle, I began having nightmares: my dead friends accuse
and ask me why it is that I still live while they have died�during the day, I continue
to ask myself the same questions. I know I could not have helped them, but I
still feel guilty about it. Somehow, I cannot bring myself to talk to anybody
over here about this matter. They all seem so happy nowadays and I do not want
to be the one to dig up old skeletons. Perhaps, I do not have any right to write
to you, but my intuition tells me that you will understand and can maybe offer
a solution. I dare not sleep because of the nightmares and I do not think it is
safe to take any more Dreamless Sleep Potion. Maybe there is another, less
addictive potion you could offer? I apologise again for any inconvenience that
I have caused.

Hermione
Granger�

Severus
growled in anger, startling the small owl. He glared at the bird and ground out,
�Wait here. You can carry back the reply straightaway.� He sat down at his desk
and started scribbling furiously, muttering about the stupid Gryffindor
nobility. After finishing, he sealed the letter and tied it to the owl�s leg.
Ignoring its� reproachful look, he carried the bird outside and tossed it in
the air quite unceremoniously. Then, he walked into his cottage and slammed the
door closed.

***

A week
after she sent Pig, he returned. He flew in through the window, while Hermione
was having breakfast by herself. The little owl dropped the letter on her
plate, helped himself to some bacon, and flew away
sulking. Hermione grabbed the letter and read it quickly.

�Miss
Granger,

Saving my
life doesn�t entitle you to use me as an agony uncle, but I understand your
predicament. Blaming yourself is a common reaction�it is called survivor�s
guilt. The recurring nightmares, however, indicate a more serious condition. I
suggest you read up on clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
See if you have any other matching symptoms besides obsessive feelings and
nightmares.

Either way,
I suggest you overcome your reluctance and speak to your closest friends. There
is no love lost between Potter, Weasley, and me, but they have shown signs of
maturity and I believe they will understand and can help you overcome your
problem.

Minerva has informed me that you have hidden
your parents in Australia under false identities and a Memory Charm. Now that
the threat to their lives is over, I suggest you retrieve them immediately; you
will need their support too.

Do not, I
repeat, DO NOT take any more Dreamless Sleep Potion. I have been told that in
such cases, another person�s presence in the room can subdue the nightmares. I wish
you a speedy recovery, Miss Granger.

Severus
Snape, Potions Master

PS:
Congratulations on your Potions NEWT score.�

A/N: Many thanks to my kind reviewers and to Gryffindor_Slytherin for her fantastic beta work! The title of this chapter belongs to Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor.
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Love Is No Big Truth