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Love Like Feathers	By : RiverWhispers Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 1138 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters from the series which appear in the story. I am not making any money off this. All songs belong to respective composers and bands.

Chapter List
- 1-Fever Dreams
- 2-Still Breathing
- 1
- 2
Chapter 2: Still Breathing- Mayday Parade

"Draco, you know I love you more than anything. You are the one good thing that's come from my life, from your father's life. Please, don't fall into this darkness. My son� " My mother stood before me in my chambers, trying to catch her breath. Fear ran cooly through her eyes, identical to my own. "He's coming for me Draco. Promise me... Promise me you will live up to what it truly means to be a Malfoy. To be a Black. Draco, you weren't born from darkness, remember that." �

The door was thrown open violently behind her. I didn't dare move from my position in bed. My back straight and my fists clenched tight. I had known this day was coming, but why here? Why now? It was my sixteenth birthday for Merlin's sake. �

"Pleading to your little brat Narcissa?" His growl rang out. My father stormed into the room, grabbing mother by her hair and throwing her into the hard wood floor. "He isn't going to save you. He's nothing." He spat, shooting me an uninterested glare. My mother winced on the floor, but climbed to her feet in a swift and elegant manner. �

"He's my son, Lucius. My love for him is more precious than you'll ever understand." She said, her voice steady even as she wiped the drippings of blood from her lips. �

"Love, Narcissa?" He chuckled, almost lightheartedly. "There is nothing but darkness. Choosing love is choosing death. Avada Cadavera." He shot the curse from his wand, hitting my mother square in the chest.

"MOTHER! " I screamed. He smirked at me before stepping light-footedly out the door. "Mother� no." My breath shook along with my body. I was at her side instantly, tears spilling down my cheeks. "I promise mother, I promise... " �

My eyes shot open. It was always the same dream, in the weeks since that night. That man had the audacity to murder his own wife, my own mother, right before my eyes. In my chambers no less. I could never forgive him. He no longer held the right to be called my father. �

I had no family left. Nothing left to live for. My father had let it be known that I would be given to the dark lord as a servant, whether by my own volition or not. It was my fate, he said. I was destined to become a plaything for darkness itself. But mother... I wouldn't let that happen. �

I crawled out of bed this night, my feet chilled slightly on the cool wood floor of the Manor. I wouldn't let him do this to me, torture me even when I was asleep. I looked out of the grand window which adored my wall. The Manor grounds were calm, a light summer breeze rustling through the trees. It disgusted me. Even with all the vile acts committed within it's walls, the mansion where I lived still had the audacity to be beautiful. How does such evil exist in a place like this? � I wanted to know, needed to know. I sighed and resigned to my bed once more, shivering slightly as the grandfather clock in the hallway rang in midnight.

"Happy Birthday Draco." I whispered to myself. Mother didn't even live until my sixteenth birthday. The blessing of watching her only child grow old was ripped from her grasp. It wasn't fair.

A noise hauled my out of my self-pity. Slow, determined footsteps reverberated down the long hall towards my chambers. My stomach clenched. Of course he would come tonight. It was, after all, the hour which designated me permeant slave to the Dark Lord. Determined not to show my fear, I sat up straight and waited for the door to open.

"Draco, awake?" He spat, sounding slightly disappointed. "And here I was rather hoping I'd get to surprise you... " Coming from any real father, this would have been an excitement inciting statement for the moment his son turned sixteen. Coming from Lucius, it was just another vicious attempt to be conniving. He shut the door behind him, extracting what dim light had filtered in through the open door from my room. "Regardless, I am not deterred."

I refused to answer to his baiting, though I'd had no idea he'd been planning anything. The man loathed that I was his blood, he was ready to kill me the moment Voldemort let him. I almost regretted the fact that he most definitely did not wish me dead, yet. Lucius' footsteps sounded out of place in my room as he covered the ground to my bed. He stood before me and smiled, sending terror through my very being. He wasn't here just to talk, I knew.

"Do you need something?" I asked, my voice strong and challenging. I would not be afraid of him. What could he possibly do that would damage me more than murdering my own mother in front of me?

He sighed. "Draco, what I need is for you to not be such an odious, meaningless waste of time and energy. But, no time for bickering. I have a job to do, a request straight from our Lord himself! " His smirk ripped at my insides, making me feel sick. Of course I would be taken to Voldemort tonight. Had I really thought otherwise?

"Don't think I will go to him without a fight." I spat, sitting up straighter still. I felt naked in just my bed clothes, but I wouldn't let that stop me. Lucius frowned and suddenly smacked me hard across the face. I refused to whimper in pain. I refused to satisfy the man.

"Really boy. Don't be such a fool. You think the Lord wants you as you are?" Something in his eyes told me to run, still I held firm; hardly even breathing. "No Draco. He sent me to train you. My job is to break you, to make you ready for him." A smirk twisted his face into an even more vile visage than it already was. "And that's what I will do. In anyway I see fit." Another blow hit me across the face, fear bubbling up faster and faster in my heart. I had no idea what he was planning on doing. �

I stood from the bed and faced him, knowing that any kind of defiance to his 'power' made him hesitant, if only in fury, and drew my wand from the pocket in my night clothes. "Now now Draco." He said, glaring at me. "Do you really think I need to resort to magic for this mission?" His words confused me. Of course he would use magic. For the split second my guard went down, he moved. My wand was out of my fist and my hands pinned behind my back. He stood behind me, his breath snaking sickeningly over my neck. "I will take you Draco, prepare you for what you're life is worth now." �

He stunned me so that I could not move my arms and pushed me back down onto my bed, facing up at him. "Father, what are you doing?" I asked, fear getting the best of me. He won't. He Can't. I told myself, knowing I was wrong. A punch landed agonizingly into my ribs and another to my face. I could taste the blood on my tongue. �

"I am not your father boy! " He yelled, fury staking it's claim on his features. Shit. I'd really pissed him off. "You are not a son of mine... You are worthless, to everyone." Another blow hit me, knocking the wind from my lungs. "You are nothing, do you hear me? Nothing. You will never be loved. Love is not real. You will be his servant, no better than a dirty creature he will use whenever he likes. And I will ready you for that job, boy. Do you understand?" He hissed his words at me, too close for comfort. I groaned in pain and he smiled, a genuine smile of pleasure. "You will be ready." �

My hands were roped together above my head, I had no control over the rest of my body. After beating me he had stripped me naked and done this to me. My own father was going to defile my body. Tears slid silently down my cheeks. He stood before me, naked and aroused by my current state. I felt sick. How could he? �

He raked his nails down my chest, pulling another frightened whimper from my lips. There was no point in fighting anymore. There was nothing I could do to stop him. He would have his way with me and that would be that. His hands reached my thighs and I shuddered in fear, trying for all I was worth to keep him from prying my legs apart. It was of no use, I couldn't even fight back. A sudden sharp pain split me in two and I screamed. �

He was inside me, pushing in fast and hard, grunting in sick satisfaction. It hurt. It was worse than anything imaginable. My cries echoed in the room and seemed to excite him even more, I felt him grow larger inside me. Behind my closed eyelids, white was converging over the darkness. I screamed louder as my body began to shut down, as he slammed into me on my own bed. I heard him cry out as he came, a grin plastered on his face. The world came crashing down around me as he pulled out, my limbs finally unbound by his magic. He gave me one last look before leaving the room. He lent over, a cold hand reaching down to stroke my blood and tear soaked face. "Happy Birthday." He said, as my world went black.

When I came to I was sobbing. Every bone in my body felt broken, my skin felt wrong. No� Father... I remembered the events from midnight. I cried harder, shaking violently in pain and remorse. I had nothing left at all now. Not even the hope that my father would one day accept me and see his wrongs. Now I was his wrong. He had betrayed me, ruined me. He had proven that no one would ever feel the need to care for me, no one would get the chance. �

Suddenly I felt a presence in my room, and without thinking I turned in my bed. The pain was unbearable and caused me to convulse in discomfort. I cried out. I'd never felt so broken, so helpless. I willed my eyes to open and look out into the darkness. There was someone there, I could see a faint outline. In the shadows stood a silhouette, so dim it may have been my imagination. Then I felt it. A warmth passed through me. My magic was throbbing inside of me, healing any open wounds left on my tiny frame. Who is that? I wondered, trying to look into the shadow figure. Suddenly the image of my father passed before my face again. It was probably him, watching me from the shadows. Him or the Dark Lord. Terror overtook me and a sound escaped my lips, frightening even myself. I screamed louder and louder, not caring if it got me killed. Please don't let me die like this. Please no! I begged to no one. I opened my eyes again, my vision blurred by tears. The shadow man stood at my bedside, his features still blurred by the darkness. A comforting voice washed over me through my ridiculous screams of terror. �

"Shh� Hide your eyes." The voice whispered soothingly. "Sleep angel. I'm here now. I'll protect you." Somehow, in the darkness, his voice calmed me. I was so spent, so beaten and broken. So ready to give in, but something made me want to believe him. To believe in him. "Sleep love. Shh... " I gasped for air, my sobs coming less erratically, and finally stopped screaming. "Hush now. Sleep. I'll save you.I'll kill the bastard who put you in this pain. I won't rest until I find you. I'll save you. Shush, love. Sleep." His voice was soothing, whether he was just my imagination or not. I'll kill the bastard! " The words repeated in my head as he hushed me. I let my eyes slide closed, knowing I needed to sleep, and let the darkness take me. Whoever this guy was, he made me feel ok. I only wished that he was real.

***

�

The days crawled by, lackadaisically. If ever there was a time I had mattered, I didn't anymore. The sun poured over the Manor grounds, warm and comforting, fulfilling its duty in the summer days. While, beneath my chambers my father murdered innocent witches and wizards; torturing them until he grew tired of their screams. The dungeon he used was just underneath my bed, the wall from which I was sure those pour souls were hanged lined up perfectly with my pillow. And there was nothing I could do. �

I spent my hours with tears staining my face, until they would no longer pour. I ate only when I was so drained I couldn't think not to. I didn't sleep. Fear bit at my heart each time footsteps rang out in the hall, but each day the terror lessened. Gradually, my father's words ate at me. Whoever had been in my room that night must have been a coping mechanism of my imagination, for it was becoming very apparent that he had been right. There was absolutely no one in the world who would ever care for me. I myself had an insouciant attitude for my own well being. I just couldn't be bothered to care for someone as low and vile as I. Father was right. He was just telling me the truth. If I were worthy of anything at all, I would still be his son. Now I belonged to no one, I had nothing to offer the world. I am nothing.

One night, as I turned fitfully in bed, listening to the echoed screams in the dungeons below, I decided that my time had come. The bigger picture had become painfully clear as dozens of people died beneath me. I was worth nothing. I did not deserve to be alive while they died for something they believed in. I couldn't even believe in myself anymore. I couldn't keep my promise to mother anymore. Mother... I sighed. It was my fault she was dead. He wouldn't have killed her had she not ran to me. Had she realized what a horrid waste of a human I was, she wouldn't have used her last breath to tell me she loved me. She didn't really love me, she was just blind to the world. And it was my fault she was dead. �

Without realizing it, I had stood and walked to the darkest corner of my room. My head was spinning, my wand in my hand. I sank down to the floor, tears cascading down my cheeks, wetting my face. I lifted my wand to my heart, knowing what I needed to do. There was no longer a reason to believe that I was needed in the world. "You're filth Draco. Lower than dirt itself." I spat, looking into the mirror by which I sat. My hand tensed around my wand as I saw my face. I was hideous. The picture of a meaningless person. "You're nothing. You caused the death of your own mother." I cringed at the memory, knowing it was entirely my fault that she had died. "Your fault, your house, your home, your fault." I rocked back and forth without noticing. I hated myself. I couldn't even feel sorry for myself now. I just wanted to die."You're horrid. Horrid. A terrible waist of space. Why would anyone want filth like you in their lives?" I didn't want to think about it. I just had to do it, just two little words and I would be free from hindering the lives of others. "I hate you, they hate you. He is the only one who wants you." Voldemort. He couldn't possibly want me like this. A lifeless doll to fuck. "You should die. Why live? Mother is dead. No one else cares." I rambled on and on, as if to convince myself. Not that I needed any more convincing. It may have been something else entirely which caused me to spew every last reason my life was pointless. �

"Draco shh... " It wasn't anything, I was just imagining voices now. I was ready to die. I was ready to just say it."Draco. Listen to me. Listen. Don't do this." The voice rang out loud and clear now. My hand quivered, slightly relaxing my wand. Damn it to hell, you've bloody gone insane now too have you? As if being ready to die wasn't enough, now my mind was going off too. Whatever I was hearing took my hesitation as a chance to speak again. "What's wrong Draco, what's happened? What are you doing, pointing that at yourself, saying those things?" �

I dropped my head and sighed, letting my tears fall again. No. Say it you unworthy coward. As if commanded by someone other than myself, my hand regained its prior rigor and stabbed the wand back into my chest. I hadn't always wanted to kill myself. There had been a time when I believed there was something to live for, when I had hope. I pushed the shadow voice out of my mind, determined to get this over with. "You've nothing left to live for. Nothing... Father hates you. You've been disowned already. You're being given away. It's not worth living. You're not worth the breaths you take." My voice was merely whispers now, terrorizing myself. I was scared this time. It was a fear beyond any my father had bestowed upon me in the past. It was a greater fear than I had ever felt. This time, I knew I was going to die. And I couldn't fight it, because I was doing it to myself. There was truly no one in my life, not even someone willing to kill me. I only had myself. "Draco no." Oh. And whoever the fuck kept interrupting me from the shadows. I supposed it wouldn't hurt to listen, his voice was awfully calming. �

"It is worth it. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. You're not alone. I want you to live. I want to see you again. Can you hear me? You have a whole new life ahead of you to live for Draco. A whole new life. Look outside, it's not night anymore. It's dawn, it's light." � He was right, whoever this infuriating boy was. The light rose shade of morning was seeping into the deep blue of the night. It was awfully symbolic of him to mention. I turned my head away from the light, away from the voice. �

"Who are you? Why should I listen?" I muttered before I even realized. Merlin, first you can't even off yourself, and now you're talking to your imagination. Disgusting. My entire body was shaking, afraid of what his answer might me. I should have just killed myself while I had the chance. Before I'd been distracted by some nonexistent being whom only showed his face in my darkest hours. �

"I'm real Draco. I'm here. I need you to hold on just a while longer. I promise I will save you, nothing will happen to you. Do you hear? Nothing will happen to you. I won't let you get hurt anymore." I felt his breath on my ear, a cold chill ran up my spine as he whispered his promises. Such big promises. Was I really supposed to believe that anyone cared for me. I didn't even care about myself that much. I was ready to kill myself for Merlin's sake. I was sitting there, scared out of my bloody mind, and talking to something I didn't even believe was real. Something is irrevocably wrong with me...

Still, his voice made my body melt. I still held my wand steady, ready to say those words, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. His voice reverberated through my mind, as if he were speaking through a corridor. "I promise, I will save you. Draco I promise. I promise, I promise! " On and on he went, never ceasing to assure me that his promise was real. That he was real. I felt the tip of my wand digging into my skin and realized something I hadn't noticed before. It caused tears to leak heavily out of my eyes, as if I hadn't been crying hard enough before. �

"I've never been so scared." I rasped out. My wand left my hand and was sent clattering to the ground. It was as if I had seen the light, so to speak. I really had never been as afraid of anything as I was of myself that night. Out of nowhere, it all made sense. And he had made it make sense for me. I wrapped my arms around my knees and gave in, calling out again. "Who are you?" And when he answered, it was as if he had become real. His voice was no longer in my mind, but right near me. He was right in my room.

"I'm real Draco. I'm here. I promise, and I won't break my promise. Please get to bed love, go sleep... " I listened to him. Drawing in a deep breath between slowly dwindling sobs, I clambered to my feet. I didn't look to him, I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes and let him see my shame. As I tried to step towards my bed, I noticed that the act of standing had drained my strength. I felt myself fall and braced to hit the ground. I was ready for the sharp pain that was sure to come, but as the darkness clouded in on my vision and my head swam uncontrollably; I fell into a pair of strong and stable arms. The world went black, but I was sure a small smile had snuck its way unto my lips. �

***

I've never been so scared. The words of my confession hung ever present in my mind. Summer was crawling towards its end, and I was still alive. I knew that now was the time to be afraid, the Dark Lord would be receiving me in these next few days. Though this knowledge served to incite a somberness in me, I could not, would not, ever be close to feeling the kind of self-spawned fear I'd felt that night. Regardless of what my father had done to me, regardless of what that filth that called himself a Lord planned to do. There was a wisdom in me now, something only I was privy to. I had something to live for.

Lucius and the Dark Lord were expecting to have in their grasp a small, insignificant boy. A boy who would do anything to save his own arse, one who would give in to their wants and needs, if only for one more day alive. But, I was not that boy anymore. I had held my own life before me, ready to give up everything. The simple fact that I had been ready to erase myself in such a dishonorable way had opened my eyes to something my father and Voldemort would never see. They could never have the power to make me miserable, to make me suffer. As long as I had something to fight for I would never die with shame, pitying myself. I would decide when I suffered, as I would decide when and how I died. And I sure as hell was not going anywhere without a fight.

The days passed and I mentally prepared myself for my sure to come encounter with the Dark Lord. I could feel that he was waiting for me, that my father was sulking about in anxiety. Wanting so badly to fulfill his promise to his master that he could think of nothing else. My anticipation grew stronger as five days until the start of school dwindled down to two. I knew it would be that night. The air felt thick and warm in the Manor, the sickly feel of dark magic. Voldemort was ready for me, the death eaters were arriving.

As I heard their footsteps reverberate through the long halls, closer and closer to my chambers, I concentrated on what made me feel most certain I was ready to face this. His voice, his arms lifting me. The way that he was so familiar, his identity lingering in the back of my mind. Yet, a fog stood between his shadow and his name. I wanted to know who it was I would be fighting to see, but, it really didn't matter. I knew, I felt, that he had not lied to me. He'd meant it when he said he would kill whoever hurt me, that he would fight to find me and that he would save me. In my very being, I could feel that he was real, that he did know me. I just wished the fog would clear so I would have the chance to appreciate him. �

My chamber door flew open, rattling the walls around me. The death eaters stormed into my room, as if expecting me to run. I merely stood my ground, facing them calmly, with not even a twitch as the curse hit me and my world went black.

***

It was cold. I opened my eyes slowly as sounds flooded in and out of my perception. A sudden, sharp pain stabbed into my face and my eyelids flew the completely open. Blood was dripping from me; I could taste the harsh, metallic liquid swelter in my mouth, making me want to cough. As I gagged the moisture from my lungs and throat, I looked around. My father stood behind me to my left, his harsh laugh biting through my senses. The other death eaters, I was sure, were present behind him in their standard semi circle. The vile creature whom was standing calmly before me let out a delighted sound as I looked beneath myself and shuddered. �

Narcissa Black. The bloodied tombstone beneath me was my mothers. I growled in anger, knowing it was put their just to disgrace me. To disgrace the only family I had ever had. I pulled myself to my knees, ignoring the pain in my sides. My hands were bound tightly behind my back, yet I did not give them the pleasure of seeing me suffer. I held my snarl as if my features were frozen in the hardest of substances. �

"Well, well. What a lively one we have here Lucius. Surely � you want to keep him as your son?" Voldemort drawled in a dangerous tone, as if threatening my father to take back his 'gift'. �

"I have no son, my Lord." Lucius said, his tone even. A slight smirk played at his features. I growled again.

"You will not belittle me by relating me to that poor excuse of a man." I ordered. The Dark Lord looked down at me and scoffed, seemingly taken aback. Then, a grin of delight spread across his acrid features. His snake-like tongue darted out in excitement. �

"Young Draco, my boy� "He hissed, reaching down to pet my face. I grimace at him and yanked my head away. "What a delight to have such a... feisty pet." The last word was spat. I dared to look to his face, to lock my eyes with his. He raised one eyebrow in question. "I do think I will have fun with you my boy. From what I've been told, you may even find your, treatment, appealing." I fought down the urge to vomit on his feet. Instead I smirked, shoving any fear I had felt into the pit of my stomach. Savior or not I would die before letting that vile beast lay a hand on me. �

"My dear Lord," I drawled, my signature smirk still plastered powerfully on my face. "You really think I would enjoy being touched by such a vile and insignificant fool as yourself? You are mistaken, master." The blunt implications of my tone and word choice struck just the cord I was hoping for. Though, when his wand was pressed firmly into my temple, and I heard him cast the Cruciatus, all the fear I had buried consumed me. Time slowed, then stopped completely, as the beam from the curse paused magnificently just under the thin layer of skin on my forehead. �

"DRACO! " His voice rang out through this sudden stillness in my mind. He was here. He had kept his promise and come for me, and I could finally see him. His mouth open wide in agony, his sharp, moss green eyes brimming with fear. His features cringed in worry. His scar burning bright against his furrowed brow. Wait, his scar? It couldn't be. Potter?! I couldn't believe what I was seeing, the feeling it gave me was overwhelming. The boy, the one who had saved my life, was my worst enemy. He had promised to save me and to care for me, and he knew. At once, the last constant in my life burst through me in a terrifying scream.

Time started again, the magic of the curse was forcing itself into my being. Yet, the pain of the curse was distant, being sent somewhere else. I screamed louder, because suddenly I knew. He was taking the pain for me. I saw his body, twisting and cringing in throes, and I screamed louder, tears drenching my face. "I promised I would save you." He gasped. I felt my body convulse in agony. This pain I was feeling, it drilled itself deeper than any magic, any curse, could. He loved me. The one person I had been made to hate my entire life. He loved me and I felt something for him. I was fighting so that I could know him. Emotional torment tore through me. The pain stronger and different from anything I'd ever felt before. It was the pain of an unexpected loss. The man in front of me was trying to take the only thing that I had left, and with no warning, with no prior knowledge. �

When I realized that I was no longer staring up at the monstrosity trying to torture me, but now facing him eye to eye, I knew something more powerful had been awakened within me. I smirked again, through my screaming and panting, and did my best to concentrate on one thing. Harry Potter. Closing my eyes tightly, I felt my body be twisted away from Voldemort's angry screams and landed with a thud on a firm, wood floor. �

My hands slipped free of their bindings as I took in my surroundings. There was a window, an owl cage, a bed. No... I couldn't believe it. I was far more amazed than I had been prepared for. I winced as I crawled to my feet and looked down at the bed. In it was the one person I'd hated the most; the one who I could love more than anyone. Harry Potter winced in his unconscious state as I stared down at him and swallowed hard. There was one reason I was still breathing, and he was it. �
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Love Like Feathers