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Harry Potter and the Serving of Justice	By : MikiNDaxxi Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 16660 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: We own no part of Harry Potter or his magical world and make absolutely no money by wasting our time writing this sludge. We did not create these characters; we just abuse them ad gratis. Our humble apologies to the disclaimer police.

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JK stirred uncomfortably in the chair to which she was bound. She silently cursed herself for writing the chair into the story line. This rather sucked.



“The Honorable Hermione Granger presiding,” a voice rang out. JK quickly looked up to see Hermione walking, decked out in judge’s robes, to her place on the bench.



“Why are you in charge of everything?” cried JK, frantically.



“Well,” started Hermione, “it’s either me, or the Red Queen.”

She gestured to a chair down the row where an angry looking, richly dressed woman was pointing and screaming, “OFF WITH HER HEAD! OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

JK shuddered.



“I’ll take you,” acquiesced JK.



“That’s what I thought,” smirked Hermione. “Now,” she said, consulting the papers in front of her, “JK Rowling, you stand accused of the heinous crime of Killing Twin!”

A hiss rippled through the mostly fangirl audience.

“How do you plead?” she inquired.



“Of course I killed him,” replied JK hesitantly, “it was part of the story line and…”

The rest of her comments were drowned out by the angry buzz growing in the court room.



“You willingly separated twins by death?” asked Hermione incredulously, her skin paling.



“YOU SEE?” cried the Red Queen, “She freely admits her guilt! OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

There was a murmur of agreement through the audience. Hermione silenced everyone with a stern look that would have made McGonagall proud and, in fact, did as Professor McGonagall was sat just in the third row.

                “In light of your confession,” said Hermione gravely, “I find you guilty. I shall confer with a jury of your fangirl audience to determine your sentence. This court is in recess.” She banged her gavel for dramatic effect.

She stood up and, gathering her papers, walked out of the court room, closely followed by five brightly dressed fangirls, one of whom appeared to be a slightly older woman, wearing fake fox ears.

JK sat in shock. What the bloody hell was going on? She waited, as it appeared to be her only option. She tested her manacles gently, and the magical chains tightened at her slight show of rebellion.

About a half hour later, Hermione and the five fangirls filed back into the court room. The five girls finding their seats while Hermione remained standing, looking down at JK.

                “JK Rowling,” Hermione began, “upon your guilty verdict, while many were in favor of capital punishment,” JK swallowed, “we have decided upon a more lenient sentence. I hereby sentence you to an eternity of reading poorly written, grammatically incorrect Voldemort/Ron/Dudley slash fiction!”



“NOOOOOOOO!!!!” screamed JK in a cry on unholy terror as the chains of the chair released her to the care of the dementors who, in an effort to meet the newly popular fangirl demand, had new, sparkly robes in every color of the rainbow.

This accomplished nothing but patronizing the agony which those in the care of the dementors inevitably felt.

Among the murmurs of approval heard throughout the court, Hermione heard a voice, “Man, what a bitch! Hermione is so unfair! WON WON AND LAV LAV FOREVER!”

Hermione looked up sharply to see a girl dressed in a t-shirt bearing Ron Weasley’s visage upon it. With an astounding Jedi leap over the crowd, Hermione landed lightly in front of the offending girl.



“You!” she pointed. “You shut the fuck up or I will stick you in a porno cell with Buckbeak and Hagrid!”

The girl paled and shut the fuck up.

“She’d do it, too,” commented Blaise from the cage beside Hermione’s seat on the judge’s bench.

Hermione’s head whipped around, and she sashayed over to Blaise, stroking him fondly through the bars.



“But not to you, Precious,” she simpered. Blaise twitched slightly.

                “Now that that business is over with, we can get back to making our re-educational porno!” exclaimed Hermione.

                “You know, Hermione,” drawled Snape from his previously unnoticed throne at the back of the court room, “I can’t help but feel that there’s something missing from our work…a certain…spice.”

A whimper of fear sounded from the blond man wearing the collar attached to the lead in Snape’s hand. Lucius Malfoy quivered at his master’s feet, the word ‘spice’ sounding ominous to his ears. Snape looked down at him and shook his head reassuringly. Lucius gave a sigh of relief and resumed his preening.

Hermione looked thoughtful. Missing? What could be missing? It still bothered her that Voldemort had perished without her getting a whack at his punishment…er….re-education. She firmly believed capital punishment, in this situation, was wrong. Everyone has to die eventually, so why not make the journey to death as painful and unpleasant as possible? She stopped in her thoughts and smirked. Sometimes she thought Hogwarts sorted too early.

She looked around the court room at the familiar faces of Snape and Lucius. Then it dawned on her…Sirius and Lupin! This was going to require some thought and careful planning.

“Oh, Severus,” she called.

Snape winced.

“Sev? Sevvie?” she wheedled. “Wanna help your ‘Mione?”



“Shit,” said Snape, avoiding Hermione’s eyes.



“Snape! Oh, Snape! Why aren’t you looking at me, Snape?” she questioned as she circled him. “Oh, Sevvie-poooo---”

That got him. He winced again.

                “Don’t call me Sevvie-poo.”

                “Look!” said Hermione, holding her laptop in front of his face. “I just Googled the most popular slash pairings for the Harry Potter fandom. In order for us to turn a decent profit, we have to cater to the fans of these pairings,” she read, “ Harry/Draco, Lucius/Snape, Harry/Voldemort, Remus/Sirus, Fred/George, Remus/Sirius/Snape, Voldemort/Lucius, and…” her eyes widened in disgust, “ Harry/Ron?!?! Fuck that! We are not doing that! In fact, can we kill Ron again?”



“It’s on the ‘to-do’ list,” Snape assured her. “Hermione, I’m just the camera man in this porno…right?”



“Yes, yes, sure. Of course,” said Hermione, distractedly, as she continued to peruse the internet. “What the hell is this? Cedric/Edward? Who is Edward?”



“TEAM EDWARD FOREVER!” came a high-pitched shout from the court audience of fangirls. This caught Hermione’s attention, and she watched in bemusement as a blur that was the older fangirl with fox ears bolted, at speeds surprising for one of her girth, over to the Twilight fan and proceeded to pummel her with a heavy-looking purse.



“Shut up!” screeched the fox-eared woman. “TEAM JACOB! JACOB! JACOB!!!” The thudding of her purse punctuating her cries.



“Fascinating,” remarked Hermione.

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Harry Potter and the Serving of Justice