Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Sadness of Eros	By : LoupGarou1750 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 7628 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: JK Rowling and her business associates own the world of Harry Potter. I make no money from this, nor anything else. The words 'The open palm of desire wants everything' are from the Paul Simon song 'Further to Fly'. He owns those.

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2

"Da-ad! James is–" Al's thin whine filtered down the stairwell and into Harry's makeshift laboratory in the basement.

"James, whatever you're doing to Al, stop it."

"I wasn't–"

"Da-ad!"

"James! Don't make me come up there. I'm in the middle of something delicate." He hovered over a collection of specially made steel cauldrons and copper tubes, watching a clear liquid drip into a glass flask. Hope changed to disappointment as he gently swirled the flask and nothing happened.

"Harry?" Ginny poked her head through the doorway to Harry's workroom. "Dinner's almost ready and your son is driving me to distraction. Please do something about him before I web his fingers and toes." She crossed the room and looked over Harry's shoulder, one hand resting lightly on his arm. "How's it coming along?"

"Poorly." He set the flask down with a thump. "I was sure I had it this time." He pushed his glasses up and rubbed his eyes. "Not sure where I'm going wrong. Well, I'll try again later." He put his arm around his wife's waist and squeezed. "I suppose I'd be better served saving my son from impending duckhood. Why is he always my son when he's misbehaving, and your son when he's done something cute? What's the crime this time?"

Ginny laughed and hugged Harry in return. "He's a hellion who hasn't done anything cute since he stopped wearing nappies. Nothing unusual. He's taunting Al about Slytherins again. I really don't know what gets into him. He's turning into a bit of a bully."

"Nonsense," Harry said, although he privately acknowledged she might be right. "He just likes to tease. Too much time with George, I expect." He smiled crookedly at his wife.

"Hmph. Don't blame this on my family. From what I gather, he could give your father and Sirius a run for their money. Anyway, Al's feeling a bit sensitive about Slytherin again. Apparently Hagrid gave James the same speech he gave you: 'There's not a witch or wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin.' James has been rubbing Al's nose in it. You know how much they both adore Hagrid."

Harry sighed as he led Ginny from the workroom and up the stairs. "The great oaf. Putting his foot in it as usual. I'll have a word or two with James. He knows it's not true. So does Hagrid for that matter. Maybe I'll pop over to Hogwarts tomorrow and have a word with him as well. Whoa there, Sunshine!" he exclaimed as his daughter hurled herself into his arms, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and burying her tear-streaked face in his shirt. "Your old dad isn't as spry as he used to be and you're getting a tad big for this, aren't you?" He shifted her easily onto his hip. "Why the drippy face?"

"James said I'm a wrong 'un, just like Al, and that I'll be sorted into Slytherin and nobody will like me anymore."

Harry nuzzled his daughter's hair and patted her back. "Well, at the moment I don't like James very much and neither does your mother. And he's in Gryffindor, so it just goes to show." He turned to Ginny. "I think your son has just done himself out of dinner, don't you? An evening scrubbing cauldrons – and I've got some perfectly foul ones – might make him reconsider his opinions."

Ginny stopped and squinted at him.

"What?"

"Just checking the shape of your nose and the state of your hair."

"What?"

Ginny laughed. "You're getting very Snapish in your dotage. Brewing. Making James scrub cauldrons. You'll be taking points from Gryffindor before you know it."

"Good thing Snape didn't live to see a Potter in Slytherin. Can you imagine his agony, having to give points to someone who looks just like me?" He set Lily on her feet. "Go and help your mother finish dinner. I've got a detention to supervise."

***

"They're in bed at last. You'd think it was the beginning of summer instead of the end, the way they're acting." Ginny came into the bedroom, loosening the sash of her bath robe.

She was, Harry thought, even better-looking than she had been twenty years before. And more cheerful, although she hadn't lost a bit of her edge. He was a lucky man; if only he kept a grip on himself and didn't destroy everything. He frowned, worried about the desires recently reawakened after a long dormancy.

Standing in front of the mirror, Ginny looked at Harry's reflection in the glass as she picked up her hairbrush. "Want to help me with this?"

"What?" Harry stared blankly for a moment before focussing on the hairbrush. "Oh, sure." He swung his legs over the bed and toed into his slippers; it was bloody cold for August. He paused, trying to remember why he had got out of bed. Ginny waggled her brush at him. "Right. Just coming." He took the brush from her hand and began to work it through her hair, enjoying the clean silkiness of it as it ran through the fingers of his free hand.

"Al wants a new broom. 'A grown-up one' he says."

"Right," Harry said, not really listening. He enjoyed brushing his wife's hair; it was soothing, bringing about an almost meditative state that allowed his guilt-ridden mind to go blank .

"James will have a fit if we get Al a new one and not him."

"Mmm."

"I was thinking about spending the whole week at the Burrow. Maybe the kids will work off some steam with their cousins before school starts. We could invite Teddy."

"Mmm." Harry concentrated on untangling a snarl at the nape of her neck.

"I think I should raise nargles in my lingerie drawer."

"Good idea."

Ginny snorted and Harry looked up, startled. "What?"

"Are you planning on telling me what's wrong?"

"Hmm? No. I mean, I'm fine."

"You've been distracted all evening, for days actually. Here, let me do it, you're just making it worse." Ginny took the brush from Harry's hand and shooed him back to bed.

He watched her finish brushing her hair and getting ready for bed without ever really seeing her. He didn't want to think about the reason for his distraction, didn't want her thinking about it, didn't want to be distracted. He just had to be strong and the feelings would go away.

Ginny slipped her robe off, folded it over the back of a chair, and slid under the covers, curling her naked body around his side. Threading her fingers through his, she said, "Tell me."

"It's just work."

She prodded his chest with a finger. "Don't make me hurt you, Potter. You know I can."

Determinedly pulling himself away from thoughts that had no place in their bedroom, Harry managed a chuckle. "Promises, promises. I did something stupid today and there's bad news for the department. Same as every other day."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Your choice. Stupid first or bad first."

"Lucius Malfoy has been made head of MLE."

"Oh Lord. Is that the stupid or the bad?"

Snorting, Harry replied, "The bad. Even I'm not stupid enough to make a Malfoy my boss." Harry turned over Ginny's hand and started playing with her fingers. "I don't know, Gin. I thought I'd accepted it, their entire fucking family getting off scot-free. After twenty years, you'd think I'd have got over it, but it's galling. For fuck's sake, forget that he's a cowardly ass and a supercilious prick, what the devil does he know about Magical Law Enforcement? It's a fucking travesty. Lucius Malfoy gets another reward when, after twenty years, I've still not been able to convince them that Snape was on our side, let alone a hero." He shook his head in disgust. "Lucius Malfoy."

"Ron must be livid; surprised he isn't over here plotting."

"He doesn't know yet. Nobody knows but me, and now you, of course. They're not ready to announce it yet. Poor Percy." Harry laughed. "He was having a Hagrid moment. Let it slip when I was in his office about the stupid. "

"And that was?"

"Somebody installed a statue of Snape in the Ministry Atrium," Harry said blandly.

"Somebody, hmm? I've a feeling that's not the whole story."

"The problem with having the same woman for twenty years is that you can't slip anything past her."

"You could, however," Ginny said, leaning in and nibbling Harry's ear, "slip something into her."

"I could, but that would interrupt the flow of my story."

"Bastard."

Harry grinned and planted a kiss on his wife's forehead. "Later, woman. Let me finish. It wasn't so much the statue, although they weren't happy about it and I was instructed to remove it. Rather insulting, actually. The Minister didn't even have the decency to come tick me off himself; he sent a lackey. Have you met Percy's lackey? Peas in a pod, those two. I expect Perce to call the lad 'Weatherby' at any moment."

"You've strayed from the topic. And do not bring Percy into my bed again!"

"Ah, I see. You're OK with a brother in your bed as long as it's Ron?"

"Harry!" Ginny gave him a scandalised look and then collapsed laughing against his chest. "You are such a pervert!"

Guilt clawed at Harry's insides. God, if she only knew the half of it. Shit, what if she does? What if this is just her way of probing, looking for a soft spot? No, she doesn't know. Please god she doesn't know! He managed a weak grin. "Me? A perv? You're the one sullying our marriage bower with incestuous longings."

Ginny gasped for breath. "Stop!" She slapped his belly. "You're going to make me choke!" She waved her hand in front of her face as if she could dispel her laughter that way. After a few gulps of air, she gasped out, "Change the subject. Statue. Snape."

"You want Snape in your bed, eh?" Harry shook his head sadly. "Incest isn't stimulating enough for you? Now you want some mouldy old bones? You have hidden depths, wife."

"You are beyond disgusting. Keep it up, Potter, and you'll never have access to my depths again." She wiped tears of laughter from her eyes.

Harry idly wiped a stray drop from her cheek, fondly stroking his thumb over the tiny wrinkles at the corner of her eye. "I bet he had a big one, don't you think? Although I doubt he had much chance to use it, the ugly git. Still, if it's a bigger one you want, I could always–" He made the appropriate wand movement with his hand hovering over his groin.

Ginny bit her knuckle and slapped his chest again. Harry grabbed her hands and pinned her down while he rolled on top of her. He thought of Snape as he once had been – roughly the same age when he died as Harry was now – and imagined him dishevelled and hard. The thought was arousing in an utterly disturbing way. Harry stifled a sigh and thrust his burgeoning erection against Ginny's thigh, hoping to distract her from whatever showed on his face.

"Finally remembering what that's for?" She twined her hands in the hair over his ears and gently shook his head back and forth.

Harry smiled weakly. She was beautiful, generous, understanding. These should have been their best years, all three kids away at school most of the year, time for each other. So why was he so unhappy? Why wasn't it enough? Everything he'd ever wanted was here in this house. The sadness of it almost overwhelmed him. Hiding his face in her neck, sniffing her clean scent, he silently mouthed, "I'm sorry," against her skin. "I love you," he said out loud.

"Then finish the 'stupid' story and prove it to me. I don't have all night. Early start tomorrow."

"Hot date?"

"Mmm. With the kids."

Harry laughed. "And I thought the idea of your brother was perverse. The kids. Really, Gin, have you no shame?"

"Pig. Diagon Alley? School supplies? The Burrow for a week? Any of this sounding familiar at all? I did tell you."

"Did you?" His heart had stopped at the words 'Burrow for a week.' A week? A whole week without wife or kids to think about? Unless– "I can't take a week off, not now, not without notice."

"I know." She gently stroked his face with the back of her hand. "You've been so tired lately. I thought maybe you could use the time alone, maybe even take a day or two off, and my mother's been complaining that she never has the chance for a good visit anymore."

"I don't deserve you." Harry's inadequacy made his chest ache.

"No, you don't, but finish your story and then you can try to make it up to me. After all, if I'm going to be gone for a week, I'll need something rather spectacular to tide me over." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

"Right. Story. Make it up to you." He inched down her body until his mouth was aligned with her breasts and nuzzled her nipples as he spoke. "Well, Percy sent ten Auror cadets to remove the statue. I wouldn't let them."

"Wouldn't let them? What do you mean 'wouldn't let them'? Oh, that's nice. Just a little more of that and you can have your way with me."

Harry scoffed. "The day I can't best ten still-wet-behind-the-ears cadets is the day I break my wand. Like this?" He wet his lips and worked her nipple gently between them. "Or this?" He tugged a little more roughly with his teeth.

"You didn't! Teeth. Teeth are good. Not too hard."

"I did. Left them in a tidy pile behind the statue. Then Percy came to get me." Harry laughed and blew a raspberry under the swell of her breast. "He was beside himself. For a moment I thought he was going to haul me into his office by my ear. Anyway, he said, 'You're walking a very thin line, Harry. If you weren't my brother-in-law I would have sacked you as soon as I became Minister. Don't be the cause of another family rift.'"

"He's right, you know. Being Percy, I'm surprised he hasn't sacked you already anyway. He's always such a stickler. It's kind of sweet that he hasn't. Stop that!" she exclaimed as Harry blew another raspberry. "It tickles. It's quite putting me off the whole thing."

Harry snorted. "He knows damn well he wasn't first choice." He paused, worked a nostril down over her erect nipple and snorted again, earning a sharp rap on the top of his head. "He doesn't dare flex his muscles when he only has the job because I don't want it. Now, about flexing muscles..."

"Come here, beast." Ginny spread her legs and Harry's body slid naturally between them. "To think of the years I wasted trying to groom you to become Minister. You've a lot to make up for."

At her words, Harry tensed. They were another reminder of the myriad ways he had failed to live up to Ginny's expectations. He didn't want to be Minister of Magic. He had never wanted to be. Although his fame had diminished greatly in the twenty years since the war, he was still too well-known, still scrutinised too carefully for his liking. Why couldn't she understand that? Why wasn't what he was, who he was, enough for her? Why couldn't she give him a break for once?

Looking down at his wife's face, her eyes closed, her features smiling and relaxed, he fought down the bitter feelings. She had been teasing. She loved him. She only wanted him to be happy. If he felt a failure, it was his own fault, his own lack.

She loves me. I love her. It's enough,Harry thought as he pushed into her a little more roughly than usual. It's more than enough. It has to be.

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Sadness of Eros