Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

I just wanted to ask	By : evil-minded Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 31281 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 11
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any character from it, Rowling does … I do not make any money out of Harry Potter either, again – Rowling does … I however do own Herbaceous VanHarkins – but I don’t make money of him also … :D …

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Author's Notes:

Uhm … ok … I have to admit … English is not my language by birth … so … please do not kill me while reading … neither for the bad English I use, nor for what I am writing …

And yes, I really would appreciate it, if you would honor my work with a short review as I always will honor your comments with an answer … answers to reviews you have given or the chance to discuss the story you can find here: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php/topic/34437-review-replies-for-i-just-wanted-to-ask/

Warning:

Story contains references to child abuse:

Child abuse is a really serious thing, it is an evil thing and there are a lot of children in our world that really would need help without being helped, and closing our eyes and pretending it does not exist – is no solution … handle people, children as well as adults, which are showing any signs – whichever – of once being abused … with understanding and with help …

what does not mean I am not as evil as I pretend to be … ^.~ … believe me – I am …

Story contains adult stuff:

Especially sex between two men … as there is Harry Potter – a male – having sex with Severus Snape – another male … what means those gay things … not to mention that the relationship between the two of them is one based on BDSM …

Don't like it, don't read it …

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

Previously in I just wanted to ask

The sound of owls delivering the morning post got him out of his thoughts and he watched Potter's startled face when his – Snape's – owl delivered the note he had sent the brat.

'Mr. Potter,

if you are still serious about your question, then meet me in my office for detention, tonight at seven, and do not be late.

S. Snape'

I just wanted to ask

Chapter two

First questions and no answers

Snape was – yet again – sitting in his office and questioning himself about how in Merlin's name he had gotten himself into this mess. Talking to Potter. By free will. And about sexuality above all.

In other words – giving Potter, a Gryffindor – 'the talk'.

He shuddered.

Why hadn't he just stuck to his original plan and had declined? Why had he had to think it over during the night? He could have forgotten about the incident and he could have been left alone. But no.

He'd had to think it over and he'd had to decide to give Potter – 'the talk'.

He shuddered again at alone the thought. Sometimes he really questioned his own intelligence. But then he sighed defeated.

It had to be done, and honestly, in one thing Potter had quite a point. If he had no one else to ask, then – well. Be it him.

Of course it wasn't the first time he did this. He was a teacher after all, a teacher on a boarding school, not to mention a head of a house. And of course the children came to them with such kind of questions. And – well, of course it was his duty to answer them. To give them – 'the talk'.

But normally only his Slytherins came to ask him such questions. The other students had their own head of house to bother them with their teenage hormones. And honestly, they wouldn't come to ask him by free will anyway. His reputation was far too bad for such. He was feared and shunned by the other houses, as were all Slytherins. They never would dare – no, they never would even think about asking him such a question.

Except for Potter, it seemed.

And normally the students who would, his Slytherins, they just asked about sex in general. Not about – homosexuality and he feared where this might lead to.

Again he sighed. Sometimes Albus didn't pay him enough, really.

When he heard a soft knock on his door he ran his hand over his face before he steeled himself for the inevitable and got his composure back under control, his indifferent mask back in place. It was seven.

"Enter." He answered the knock, his voice frustrated but firm.

Looking up from the essay he was about to mark he watched Potter entering his office, as unsure as the day before and just walking half the way towards his desk and he sighed – yet again, for the third time during not even three minutes. Did Potter think he would bite him? Or cut him into pieces to store him as potions ingredients?

Shaking his head he watched the sixteen year old standing there, in the middle of his office, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his robes. He hated such conversations. And now he had one with Potter of all people.

Well, he would try to be as civil as possible in order to get this over with as quick and as good as possible.

"Sit!" He said, pointing at the chair in front of his desk before turning back to the essay he was currently correcting. He would finish this one and at the same time give Potter the chance to get used to the situation at all. He knew that most of the students whom he gave the talk were quite uneasy with the situation and he guessed that Potter made no exception.

Well, considering the teen's reactions yesterday – he surely was no exception.

Sometimes it really wasn't worth to be the head of a house, he thought. And such times, when the students came with such questions, it definitely was one of such times. He was a just too private man to discuss sexuality with his students. Not to mention the fact that his view of sex was not one that one would consider, well, simple. And of course not to mention the little fact that he indeed did prefer partners that were the same gender as he was. In other words, to silently answer Potter's question – yes, he knew a few things about being gay.

When he had finished the essay and the parchment was covered with red ink to his satisfaction, overlaying the original black color of ink in which the work had been written in the beginning, he laid his quill aside, placed the parchment on the side of his desk and then leaned back in his chair, folding his arms in front of his chest and watched Potter for a moment.

"What exactly do you want to know, Mr. Potter?" He asked, just to begin somewhere.

"Uhm … well … dunno …" Potter stammered and Snape growled inwardly.

"What do you know about sex in general?" He then asked, noticing the blush that crossed Potter's face.

"Uhm …" Came the answer again, the one that annoyed him to no end, never mind which student it came from. He preferred coherent words.

"Well?" He asked, lifting his eyebrow but otherwise forcing himself to stay calm and patient. It was clear that Potter wasn't really comfortable with the situation. Well, they never were.

"Well … uhm … not much …" Potter stammered, not looking at him but onto some point at the floor shortly in front of the desk.

"That is not the answer I expected, Mr. Potter." Snape said. "But I will leave it by this, for now at least. However, in future, note that I prefer coherent and eloquent sentences and to have eye-contact when speaking to a student."

The brat nodded. He only nodded. There was no verbal answer and he still looked at the floor in front of his desk. Snape gritted his teeth in frustration. Strangling the students surely would be out of question, now wouldn't it?

"Well, there were rumors that you have been dating Miss Chang last year." Snape said, he had to begin somewhere after all. Talking to one of his Slytherins whom he knew quite well was much easier than talking to a student from another house, he noticed. "How far did this dating go, if I may ask."

Harry shook his head. "It was only one date actually." He then answered – five words in a row that were actually coherent - for Potter. "And there happened nothing besides of holding hands in a tea shop and a kiss during which Cho was crying because of Cederic."

Ok, that was an entire sentence Potter had voiced and thus – it was quite an improvement.

"So, in other words, Miss Chang used you to get over Mr. Diggory and to find out what exactly she wanted." Snape mused, sure that he was right and at the same time agitated at the fact that Potter had been used like this. He might not like Potter, and Miss Chang might have been mourning, but that didn't give her the right to act as she had done.

"Hm …" Potter made, not really ready to admit that he was right.

Severus sighed in frustration. Well, this was going to be complicated. Apparently Potter knew absolutely nothing. He hopefully had not to explain him the difference between girls and boys to start with.

"Well, Mr. Potter." He sighed. "You surely know that you could have sex with girls as well as with other boys. Otherwise you would not have asked me about being gay."

Harry nodded, not able to keep the blush out of his face. It definitely was one thing asking Snape – of all people – to talk to him about sexuality. But it was another thing really doing this. It was a difference as large as there was between fire and water. And somehow he wasn't able to act as his normal self. That was just awkward, and it was just embarrassing, he shouldn't have come here to begin with.

"However," Snape continued, "never mind which gender you chose, the first and most important thing to express is – how important safer sex is. Do you know how to initiate a correct preservation spell?"

Well he did not really have to see the shaking of Potter's head. The dumbfound face he made was enough. He didn't know anything about this. He would have used a condom – if he had thought of preservation at all. He sighed. He would have to teach Potter to cast this spell. Why couldn't Albus just schedule a class for sexual education for students from fifth year and above?

"You, of course, could use a condom to avoid pregnancy as well as sexual diseases as I am sure both would not be in your intention. But a preservation spell is much safer. If you decide on using condoms notwithstanding, then never trust those others might carry with them. You never know how old they are, nor if they are still intact. Use only your own and make sure they are usable. They will not keep you safe if they are broken or out of date. Nor would they keep your partner safe then either."

Again Potter nodded and he was quite glad that the brat didn't ask a lot of questions. Yet – if he had questions, then he really should voice them.

"Do you have any questions about that?" He asked, forcing his voice to stay calm and patient.

Potter slightly shook his head, his blush deepening and Snape had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Teenagers really were so reserved when it came to sexuality.

'As if you weren't' A small voice in the back of his mind chuckled and he huffed at the blasted thing.

"However, a preservation spell has the opportunity that it not only would be safer, but you had not to bother with changing them during sex as you would have with a condom. Also the spell would allow you to feel the actual sexual relation more intensive as you do not have a disturbance between the skin contacts."

For a moment he wondered if he shouldn't better stop here as Potter was looking rather ill, but well, at least the brat wasn't giggling like some of the girls he'd had sitting there during the years. Luckily mostly the parents gave them 'the talk', but sometimes this seemed to be impossible and then they came to ask one of the teachers. And as he was the head of Slytherin house, well, he sometimes had to deal with some of the Slytherin girls asking him about sex. A few times even with one of the boys but that were rare occasions as they mostly educated each other in the dormitories. He better didn't think of the kind of education they practiced there, but that was neither here not there right now. And well, he really didn't know what was worse, the giggling of the girls or the stupid grin from the boys. Potter luckily did neither. Just his eyes widened in shock at his last comment and he shook his head.

"You surely are aware of the fact that – as a wizard – you will be able to conceive without preservation. As can your partner if you chose a wizard as such."

At the startled look on Potter's face he knew that this had been new to him and – well, he now was glad that Potter actually had asked him. Most wizards knew this but he nevertheless mentioned it to his students just to remind them of how important preservation was. However, Potter had not known and he probably would have run headlong into pregnancy before he had even graduated.

Shaking his head he sighed. "You didn't know this, Potter?" He asked and he again had to sigh in annoyance. Why couldn't Albus do such things, or Minerva? Why had it always to be him?

"However." He continued. "I am sure you see how important it is to practice safer sex. Not only to avoid pregnancy, but to avoid sexual diseases as well. Just think of aids. You could die from it. I guess you see the point."

Potter again nodded without questioning anything and Snape shortly wondered if he had lost his voice at all. "Any questions?"

A shaking of Potter's head.

"Well, then to the preservation spell itself." Snape said sighing. "As you surely will not have your wand in your hand during sex, it is a spell that is cast without a wand. Wandless magic might be not easy in general, but as even hormonal teenagers such as you are in need of this particular spell, it actually is quite an easy one. I am sure even you will manage to initiate this one. The spell is securus incestus."

Again – just a nod.

"Repeat it, Mr. Potter." Snape drawled impatiently. "Securus incestus." He repeated the words just incase Potter had not understood them.

"Uhm …" Potter only made, looking elsewhere, and Snape shook his head.

"How, Mr. Potter, will you be able to initiate this spell during a sexual act if you are not even capable of casting it now in a casual situation?" Snape asked, his eyebrow raised.

But – well, still nothing came from Potter and Snape silently growled, reaching for a piece of parchment and writing the spell down, reaching the parchment towards Potter who took it with trembling fingers, swallowing dryly.

Snape lifted his eyebrow again. Surely the brat couldn't be that shy. But watching him, well, he surely was, he noticed.

Ok, it still was better than the giggling from the girls and the idiotic grin from the boys he normally received. He sighed again.

"Memorize this spell, Potter. It is important." He said. "As important as is the fact that you actually will have to initiate the spell not only onto yourself but onto your partner as well if you wish to keep the both of you safe."

Again – this annoying nod.

"Any questions so far?" He asked, somehow knowing that he would receive nothing more than a shaking of Potter's head. And he could have bet on it, he would have won as there wasn't more than that. Again he shook his head.

"As to your question, Mr. Potter, you already kissed a girl, Miss Chang. Did you ever kiss a boy?" He asked, gaining a shaking of Potter's head.

"So you have no experience in relationships with boys?" Snape growled at the repeated shaking of the boy's head.

"So, how, Mr. Potter, did you get the idea that you actually could be interested in other boys?" He inquired, feeling tired already. Merlin, and here the brat was considered the hero of the wizarding world.

"Uhm … well … hmm …" Potter made and Snape had to suppress the urge to snap at him impatiently. How was it that Potter wasn't able to form just one coherent sentence during their conversation? He was about to hold a monolog. Well, at least Potter had given away any sounds at all, and that was at least more than he had given away during the past quarter of an hour.

"How am I supposed to answer your question and help you with your – 'choice' in the gender of your future partners if you do not partake in this conversation and give me the answers I need, Mr. Potter?" He finally asked, not sure if he should shake the boy out of his stupor or if he just should give up and leave Potter to his own.

The guilty look on Potter's face made him sigh in frustration but decide to continue. Well, this was more complicated than he originally had thought.

"Let me put it another way, Mr. Potter." He said. "I guess after Miss Chang crying during your kiss, you weren't that interested in girls anymore, might I be quite right about this?"

Potter still looked guiltily at the floor, but he nodded.

"So, correct me, if I am wrong. But I guess, after this, you began to rather show interest in other boys, am I correct?"

Again the boy nodded, still looking at the floor.

"Well, Mr. Potter." They now came to the more difficult part of the conversation – as if it had gone easy up to now - and Snape was not sure if he wanted to cover this one today. But on the other hand – well, he would have to give Potter something to consider about until they would continue this conversation at all. "Just to give you something to consider until our next meeting."

Potter's head shot up, something like worry and fear across his face and Snape had to suppress a low chuckle. Severus Snape didn't chuckle.

"You didn't think a sexual education would be covered during one hour, now, did you, Mr. Potter?" He drawled in his usual manner, trying to keep the sneer out of his face as he knew it wouldn't do any good right now. Surely one of them would go crazy before the sexual education of Potter was over, and he guessed most likely it would be him, Snape.

Potter sat there, swallowing dryly while he watched him, the fear deepening in his eyes and for a moment Snape wondered why. But then he brushed it aside and continued.

"You might choose something like a soft and sweet loving relationship which you could have with any woman you might find out there in the world, wizarding or muggle, that doesn't really make any difference." He said. "You would gain a daily routine with children and a family. It promises happiness and warmth. Coming home from work with a loving wife waiting for you, dinner at the ready and candles burning on the table. It is something most wizards crave for. A safe and calm haven. A place to call your home, where you can rest and live in quiet and peace. You surely will find love there. And you surely will have sex with your wife. And it surely will be acceptable sex – for one or another. But it will be common sex, basic sex, and simple sex. Nothing that will go under your skin."

Watching Potter he again had to suppress a low chuckle at the widening of Potter's eyes. Not only was he Severus Snape, a dark and tough man who didn't chuckle, but it wouldn't be fair to laugh at the boy now either. Well, maybe it would be Potter who would go crazy at first. It would, at least, save him this fate then.

"Or you might choose a fierce and a passionate loving relationship which most likely only a partner with the same gender as yours can give you." He continued. "In this case you might find your heart speeding up with anticipation and maybe even a slight hint of something akin to – let me name it 'fear' for now. You might find your chest clench painfully with nerves and in forecast. You might find love so intense you never would be able feeling while being loved by a partner that is not the same gender. Being loved by a person with the same gender promises a love that is deeper than just living alongside each other. It is love beyond what you can imagine, Mr. Potter."

Watching Potter Snape wondered why the boy was as shy as he actually seemed to be. That boy seemed to be a helpless case and he wondered if he would be as shy when it came to the actual – well, play in bed. Lifting his eyebrow he nodded to himself. Yes, Potter would. He was sure of this, and whoever would end up with the teen would have a hard time to keep him from falling into either a stupor or into a panic attack. Not a very pleasant thought to look forwards to and he was glad that it wouldn't be him.

"A partner with the same gender will be more passionate, more possessive, more caring, more protective and more dominate – or submissive." He continued with his velvet voice. "Sex with someone your own gender will be everything else than basic or simple. Sex with someone your own gender will go under your skin and make you crave for more. It will bewitch your senses and it will trap you into a world of its own. The more if you find the right partner to share such kind of a relationship with."

Potter finally looked at him, but it was a look that made Snape lifting his eyebrow in a questioning manner. His eyes were huge with something like fear, or startling. Something akin to shock.

"What … what kind of … well, relationship … do you actually mean?" Potter finally managed to stammer a few coherent words and Snape was nearly impressed, but surely relieved. At least he hadn't driven the boy into insanity. Not now at least. But watching Potter he guessed he might quite manage doing so. "I thought … if you – loved someone … well … then it automatically would be the right person."

"That depends on what kind of relationship you prefer, Mr. Potter." Snape answered. "You of course can have with a partner your same gender just – light sex. What I highly doubt. Wizarding couples with the same gender mostly prefer a rather passionate relationship. How passionate, that depends on the wizards themselves. Let me just say, if you prefer something like SM or BDSM, then no, you could not practice it with any other wizard just because you love him. You need the right partner for this."

Potter swallowed thickly and at once his eyes were elsewhere but at him. The wall to his left seemed to be very interesting, as was the fire, the front of his desk and – the floor beneath his feet. With a frustrated sigh Snape ran his hand over his face.

"Let me ask you a question, Mr. Potter." He said, causing the teen to look at him momentarily. "If you had sex with another boy, would you take the upper hand? Or would you allow your partner to lead you?"

"Uhm …" Potter again made and Snape growled.

"An answer, if you please, Potter." He snapped in annoyance. "And a coherent one if you are able to."

Well, maybe he should not have asked him two questions that required different answers at once. Yet – he had done so on purpose. He wanted Potter to actually form a coherent sentence. He wanted him to actually voice this subject. And he surely would not reform his question now.

Of course he knew the answer already. He knew it by just watching him. Potter surely would be the submissive partner in any relationship. Again he shook his head. That was not the son of James Potter! James Potter would have grinned like mad and he would have boosted about how he could have anyone he wanted. And how he would dominate his partner. James Potter had been a macho and nothing more.

"Well, Mr. Potter?" He asked, his eyebrow lifted.

"Uhm … well, the second one." Potter answered and Snape had to admit that the blasted brat successfully had avoided voicing a simple sentence about sex. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"I thought so, Mr. Potter." He then said, giving away a suffering sigh. "Then, on the other hand, if you had sex with a girl, would you take the upper hand and lead her? Or would you allow her to – lead you?"

He had been tempted to ask, 'or would you allow her to dominate you?' But he had changed his mind mid-sentence. It would do him no good if he startled Potter even more and he watched the teenager close. Again he knew the answer immediately. Potter never would take a girl as a partner. Because, yes, he would allow her to dominate him. And this somehow did not seem right with him. The boy squirmed and desperately tried to find a way out of this.

It took him quite a few minutes until he was able to give a quiet "I … don't know" away.

"Yes, I guessed as much." Snape said. "What is the reason why you surely will end up with a partner your gender. And I even dare to guess it would be a partner a few years older than your age."

However, as it seemed, Potter really never had talked about this subject to anyone else and the moment he had dismissed the boy, with the words "tomorrow evening, seven o'clock, this office" he nearly had run out of the room, fleeing the situation. Or him.

Snape sighed in frustration while he again ran his hand over his face. Never before had he had a student sitting in this office and giving him – or her – the talk that was as uncomfortable with the situation as Potter was. Of course they all were uncomfortable with the situation. But Potter?

Damn, that boy could have anyone. He was a handsome young man with his unruly black hair and his green eyes. He was slender, well, ok, maybe he was a bit too thin, but a firmly watched diet could change this. But otherwise the boy had a desirable body. He was small for his age, and thus he would fit well into the arms of a dominant partner.

Yet – he had absolutely no self-assurance. He didn't know what he looked like, he didn't know how desirable he was, and he didn't know …

Wait!

How desirable Potter was? Where had this thought come from?

He blinked a few times, shocked at his own thoughts.

Well, ok, he had to admit that Potter definitely was handsome. And that he didn't act arrogant about it. That he didn't even know what he looked like. What made him just the more desirable and …

Stop!

Potter surely was not desirable. Well, yes, he was. But he didn't desire him. He didn't desire boys at all. He preferred men his age who knew exactly what they got themselves into by agreeing to have sex with him and that was important.

He was no one who cared about his sex partners. He took them. Well, he didn't rape them. They all knew that they could ask nothing more than a short but rough sexual act of him. And if they agreed, well, then it was just that. Short but rough. He didn't prepare them. And he didn't use lubricate either. And afterwards he left without a word.

Well, yes. He hurt himself too, forcing his way into them without preparation and without lubrication either. But he wanted it that way. It was nothing more than a short and painful release of his needs.

He didn't care where this short release took place either. It could be a side-street behind a pub as well as it could be a dark room in a flophouse. He didn't care. As long as it was short and painful.

And he always took them from behind, not wanting to see their faces, their eyes, their minds. Not wanting to see their pleasure nor their pain. Not wanting to see anything. He always restrained them, holding their arms behind their backs with one hand and forcing them against the wall or onto the surface of a table with his other hand on their necks.

And then he left, throwing a small pouch of money onto the table and went back to Hogwarts and into his quarters to drown a bottle of whiskey, feeling as dirty as he was.

Well, there had been other times. Long ago. There had been times when he had cared about the person he loved. But back then, it had not been sex. It had not been a short and painful release of his needs and nothing more. It had been love back then. And it had been really passionate love, even if the person had been a woman. He had loved her. And for her, for her he had learned everything about BDSM there was to learn. He had cared deeply for her.

But then, then she had died.

And then she just had been gone.

And he had been left behind.

And it had been his fault.

He had deserved it, being alone after that.

Never again had he allowed himself to have anything else, anything more than – just sex. Short and rough sex, and then leaving his partner, wordlessly, sometimes even before the other man had his trousers back in place. He mostly didn't even know their names. Yet – he didn't care either. It was just once a month, and it didn't really bother him.

Just once a month.

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When Harry went back to the Gryffindor common room, he was in quite a daze. He didn't even remember everything that Snape had told him. It had been something about fear. And something about anticipation. Something about passionate love.

It had been something about him who would end up in a relationship with another boy. And one that was older than him. Well, ok, this he already had known, that only an older partner would be acceptable to him. Did this mean that he actually was gay? But why had Snape been so sure about this? How did Snape know this if he didn't even know it by himself? And why had he asked him if he would allow his partner to lead him?

Well, at least Snape had not asked him if he would choose someone who was older but stated it. Because maybe Snape would come to the wrong conclusion then.

Well, yes. He actually would choose someone who was older than him. But surely not a professor. And surely not Snape of all people. Snape was a snarky and cold bastard that hated him. He was dark and cold. And he feared him.

He didn't fear him as he feared uncle Vernon. But he did fear him. Somehow.

Alone those black eyes that pierced him with this cold and impassive stare.

And then this damn deep voice that was as dark and as cold as were his eyes.

That velvet voice, that could use words in a way that made him shiver whenever he slipped from one sentence into the next one without caring to acknowledge the full stop at the end of the sentence, as if it wasn't present, as if even grammatical rules had to bend to him – just to go on in a slow motion the next moment, emphasizing every single word while he leaned close and pierced him with this black eyes.

He blinked in confusion when he noticed that a strange feeling had settled in his stomach.

No, not his stomach. It was deeper. It was down there, where his member was – somehow. And his insides made something like a flip flop. Even his heart was racing and somehow he couldn't breath rightly.

That surely didn't mean … it surely didn't mean what he thought it meant. It couldn't.

He surely wasn't aroused by the thought at the Potions Professor. Surely not.

Snape definitely was not the kind of partner he would ever choose. Definitely not.

Gritting his teeth in frustration he grabbed his bath bag and went towards the showers. He would go to bed and he would sleep. Tomorrow he would feel better. And then he could sort out whatever he felt. He just was stupid, nothing more.

break … ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ … line

To be continued

Next time in I just wanted to ask

Well, somehow the same than this one … a continuation of 'the talk' … and Snape recognizing that he had some feelings for the boy he hated since six years …

Added author's note

thank you for reading – and yes, I would appreciate it if you took the time to review this chapter, thank you …
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I just wanted to ask