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Welkin in the Wizarding World (COMPLETED)	By : welkin_cooper Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 14600 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters in it. I don't benefit financially from the production or display of this work of fanfiction in any way.

Chapter List
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Chapter 2
You Can't Go Home Again
Dumbledore makes Welkin an offer she can't refuse. Unfortunately, it also involves that infuriating Potions Master, Severus Snape.

From the moment Welkin Cooper arrived unexpectedly on their doorstep, Snape suspected that she was up to no good. Muggles generally were, in his experience, and her arrival here was suspicious to Dumbledore as well, who was concerned that the Muggles might have somehow become aware of Hogwarts and finally devised a method of penetrating the defenses that shielded the Wizarding World from theirs.

Dumbledore wanted to know if she was some sort of advance spy or an innocent accidental interloper. Albus had asked him to handle the questioning, then use an Obliviate Charm to wipe her memory and return her to the Muggle world.

The Legilimency which Snape subjected Miss Cooper to for the next hour in his office in the Dungeon Potions Lab was the most efficient and expeditious way of gathering the requested information. The fact that it distressed and humiliated Welkin was of no concern whatsoever to Snape. In fact, he rather enjoyed her discomfort as he dragged her repeatedly back to the chair from whatever corner of the office she fled to, easily deflecting with his wand the various objects she threw at him. The things she yelled at him each time he retrieved her became progressively more vivid and descriptively obscene as she grew more furious with him. She threatened to do things to his private parts that would have been truly uncomfortable and distressing, if she had magical skills and had actually been able to accomplish them.

Snape was highly entertained by her agitation, and somewhat impressed by her lack of fear, once her anger at him had been aroused. Miss Cooper was definitely determined not to give up her secrets to him easily. She fought his invasion of her mind tooth and nail, and the loathing she projected at him for being the agent of that invasion of her privacy was both potent and vehement.

All that Snape was able to determine from his examination of her mind was that Miss Cooper had been sightseeing outside their boundaries, and as she claimed, had blacked out preceding her appearance here. Her memories of how she felt when it happened sounded suspiciously like the use of a Portkey to Snape, but that wasn’t likely, considering that she was a Muggle.

When Snape was convinced that Welkin really did not know how she’d gotten there, and nothing else truly useful was revealed by his inspection of her thoughts, he performed the Obliviate Charm, and was startled to discover that it was totally ineffective on her. That had never happened to him before and he was at a complete loss to explain it. Her memory was totally intact, judging by the verbal torrent of vulgarisms and insults she continued to hurl at him.

“Come with me,” Snape ordered, intent on reporting his findings to Dumbledore. Grasping her wrist firmly, he dragged Miss Cooper out the door behind him, with her still blustering her ridiculous threats at him.

"Let me go! Let me go right now, you filthy son of a bitch! Or I'll rip your balls off and stuff 'em up your ass!"

“So, let me get this straight. Because this ‘Oculate’ thing won’t work on me for some inexplicable reason...”

“Obliviate,” Dumbledore corrected with a kindly smile.

“Yeah, yeah,” Welkin agreed impatiently. “Because the big O doesn’t work on me, you’re telling me the only viable solution is that I’m stuck here?”

“Precisely.”

“Bullshit! I’m not a spy. I’m not any kind of security threat. I don’t even know how I got here in the first place, so I couldn’t find my way back again if I tried. And I certainly wouldn’t be stupid enough to tell anybody I was kidnapped by a bunch of witches, mentally RAPED...” she spat that part indignantly at Snape, “and spirited away to Hogshead, or whatever you call this godforsaken place. It wouldn’t exactly look good on a resume, if you know what I mean. ‘Mentally deranged woman seeks job opening’…”.

“Miss Cooper,” Snape responded in his low timbre. “I assure you that entering the mind of a Muggle, particularly one as undisciplined as yourself, was not at all the singular pleasure that you seem to think it was. The prospect of touching you,” he snarled the word with distaste, “mentally or otherwise, does not intrigue me...in...the...least.”

Snape seemed to enjoy drawing out the last sentence with a cruel vocal flourish.

Welkin stared at him for a few silent beats, considering her tremendous annoyance with him.

“You really are an egregiously pompous asshole,” she finally responded, narrowing her hazel green eyes at him.

She turned back to Dumbledore, who was still smiling at her. With amusement, Albus had observed the slight look of disappointment in Snape’s glittering black eyes as Welkin turned away from him dismissively. It wasn’t often that anyone dared to assess Severus in such a blunt and truthful manner, to his face at least. Dumbledore was enjoying it immensely. He also noted the undercurrents of sexual attraction between the pair, despite their outward enmity. For quite some time, Albus had been of the opinion that Severus needed a woman in his bed to improve his harsh disposition, and to alleviate his growing ennui with his lot in life. This amusing, albeit somewhat foul-mouthed Muggle lovely might just do to accomplish both tasks, Albus decided, as he observed them together.

“Miss Cooper, how does this sound?” Dumbledore adopted a conciliatory tone. “You allow us to offer you our hospitality here at Hogwarts for a time while we work on a solution to our mutual problems, and we’ll try to make your stay as enjoyable, and painless as possible...won’t we, Severus?”

He turned to Snape, who was pretending not to notice Miss Cooper crossing and uncrossing a rather lovely pair of legs while she stole a glance at the aforementioned ‘pompous asshole’ standing cross-armed and stiff in a corner of the headmaster’s office.

“Oh, yeeesss...” Snape said, drawing out the affirmation and sounding to Welkin like the snake he undoubtedly was. “We’ll be ever so delighted to see that she’s properly entertained.” His sarcastic tone and obvious lack of enthusiasm belied the statement.

“Thank you, Prince Charming,” Welkin deadpanned. “I don’t suppose that I have a choice in the matter?”

“Regrettably, no,” Dumbledore announced too cheerfully. He rose to conclude the audience.

“I’ll arrange for a room to be prepared for you right away. I believe there are two lovely adjoining rooms that happen to be unoccupied on the upper level in the North Tower. We cannot allow you unrestricted access to Hogwarts of course, my dear, but Severus can temporarily occupy the second room to attend to your needs should you require anything.”

Snape looked a little startled and Welkin looked absolutely flustered.

"Next to him? I thought you said this would be painless,” she said indignantly. She frowned at Snape, who glared back at her.

"Yes, I'm afraid that I must insist on that, my dear. I hope you will manage to restrain yourself from making any attempts to divest Professor Snape of his genitals, as you have threatened," Dumbledore requested. "It will make everything go much more smoothly if you do."

"I guess I can manage that," Welkin conceded to him. "He's such an irresistible charmer. There must be hundreds of women lining up to have a go at him. I certainly wouldn't want to interfere with his burgeoning love life," Welkin said snidely.

Snape glared harder at her, if that was possible.

“No more time for pleasantries, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore announced as he propelled them both out the door. “Students to see, you know! We’ll see that all the things you need, clothing, personal effects and such, are transported from your home immediately. Just give Severus a list and your address and we’ll see that it’s taken care of. I’ll look forward to seeing you at supper this evening, Miss Cooper.”

The door slammed in their faces.

“First thing on the list,” Welkin announced glumly, as they began walking down the hallway together, “I’ve got a big bottle of Jagermeister and some vodka in the fridge, a bottle of very nice single malt scotch, and several bottles of wine on the counter. A lit-tle vampire bat tells me I’m going to need them all.”

“How surprising that the first thing on your list would be prodigious amounts of alcohol,” Snape drawled in a manner that clearly intimated he wasn’t the least bit surprised. “Planning to further befuddle that fine Muggle mind of yours, are you?”

“Whatever gets me through the night, asshole.”

“Stop calling me that.” He frowned at her as if that might actually incline her to pay attention to his obvious displeasure with the word

“Stop being one and maybe I will. Give me a pen and paper please, I have a list to make. What's your name again, Prince Charming?” she asked in her annoyingly flippant way.

"You may call me...Professor Snape," he informed her haughtily.

"Professor, huh? What class do you teach? Remind me never to sign up for it."

"My class would be quite beyond your obviously meager abilities, Miss Cooper. I suggest you concern yourself with pursuits which you are much more likely to be proficient in, such as drinking and gratuitous profanity."

She really wasn't going to like this guy at all, Welkin thought sourly. And if he was going to be sleeping in the room next to hers, she certainly hoped that he didn't snore. With a nose that big, his snoring probably went off the Richter scale.
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Welkin in the Wizarding World (COMPLETED)